WEBVTT



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>> WELL, I'M SO HONORED
TO HAVE YOU HERE.

00:00:10.868 --> 00:00:13.167
>> I'M EXCITED TO
BE HERE I LOVE IT.

00:00:13.267 --> 00:00:15.700
>> I -- WELL, I'M -- WE WERE
TALKING OFF CAMERA AND I

00:00:15.800 --> 00:00:17.801
WAS SAYING HOW I'M JUST
SUCH A HUGE BELIEVER IN

00:00:17.901 --> 00:00:19.101
EVERYTHING THAT
YOU'RE DOING.

00:00:19.201 --> 00:00:20.800
AND I THINK THERE NEEDS
TO BE MORE PEOPLE IN THE

00:00:20.900 --> 00:00:23.168
SPACE WHO CAN BRIDGE,
LIKE THE SCIENCE AND THE

00:00:23.268 --> 00:00:25.934
PSYCHOLOGY WITH THE WORD.


00:00:26.034 --> 00:00:28.134
BECAUSE OUR MENTAL HEALTH


00:00:28.234 --> 00:00:30.934
AND OUR EMOTIONAL
WELL-BEING IS SO IMPORTANT.

00:00:31.034 --> 00:00:32.468
AND I JUST THINK A LOT
OF TIMES IN THE CHURCH,

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THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT ASPECT.

00:00:35.234 --> 00:00:36.301
AND YOU HAVE
YOUR DOCTORATE,

00:00:36.401 --> 00:00:37.700
YOU'RE A PSYCHOLOGIST, SO YOU
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING

00:00:37.800 --> 00:00:40.334
ABOUT, BUT YOU'RE ALSO
A BORN-AGAIN BELIEVER.

00:00:40.434 --> 00:00:42.034
SO, YOU KNOW, THERE'S
NOT MANY PEOPLE THAT ARE

00:00:42.134 --> 00:00:43.268
BRIDGING THESE WORLDS.


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BUT IT'S SO IMPORTANT
FOR BELIEVERS.

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>> ABSOLUTELY.


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AND I ACTUALLY, WHEN
I WAS IN GRAD SCHOOL,

00:00:49.100 --> 00:00:51.201
I WENT TO A CHRISTIAN
UNIVERSITY FOR MY PHD,

00:00:51.301 --> 00:00:53.434
AND THEY TALK ABOUT
CHRISTIAN INTEGRATION,

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ABOUT INTEGRATING THE
DIFFERENT FIELDS.

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AND I ACTUALLY DON'T
PREFER THAT WORD.

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I LIKE TO SAY I
DO TRANSLATION.

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>> I LIKE THAT.


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>> HOW DOES WHAT THE BIBLE
SAYS TRANSLATE TO THIS

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QUESTION OR THIS ISSUE?


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BECAUSE WHEN YOU JUST TRY
AND BRING THEM TOGETHER,

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SOMETIMES THAT'S STILL
VERY CHALLENGING,

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ESPECIALLY FOR PEOPLE IN
THE AREAS OF THE BODY OF

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CHRIST THAT I GREW UP IN,
WHICH IS LIKE HARDCORE

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PENTECOSTAL,
SPIRITUAL GIFT.

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AND SO EVERYTHING NEEDED
TO BE EXPLAINED THROUGH

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THE LENS OF SCRIPTURE.


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AND SO I LEARNED
TO START THERE.

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I SOMETIMES SAY BIBLE WAS
MY FIRST LANGUAGE BECAUSE

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I'M A PASTOR'S KID.


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I'M A PASTOR'S GRANDKID.


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MY MOM AND DAD
BOTH PREACH,

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AND SO EVERYTHING
WAS AROUND.

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WHAT DOES THE BIBLE
SAY ABOUT THAT?

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AND NOT JUST IN
BEHAVIOR LIKE,

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ARE YOU ALLOWED TO
DO THIS OR THAT?

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BUT HOW DOES THE BIBLE
CAUSE US TO UNDERSTAND THIS?

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HOW DOES IT TEACH US
TO THINK ABOUT IT?

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AND SO I WAS REALLY
GIVEN THE BIBLE AS AN

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EXPLANATORY
FRAMEWORK AS A KID.

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AND SO EVERYTHING FOR
ME COMES BACK TO BIBLE.

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CAN I TELL YOU A STORY
REAL QUICK TO EXPLAIN THAT?

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SO WHEN I WAS IN
PROBABLY MIDDLE SCHOOL,

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THE FIRST TIME I LEARNED
THE FORMULA E EQUALS MC SQUARED,

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THAT MEANS ENERGY
EQUALS MASS MOVED AT THE

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SPEED OF LIGHT SQUARED.


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IF YOU MOVE SOMETHING
SUPER FAST, IT DISAPPEARS.

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AND WHEN I LEARNED THAT,
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, OH,

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THAT MUST BE HOW THE
RAPTURE IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

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IT SAYS THAT WE'LL BE
CHANGED IN A TWINKLING

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OF AN EYE.


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AND SO THAT'S HOW MY
MIND HAS ALWAYS WORKED.

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IF I LEARN SOMETHING IN
SCIENCE, IN THE SPACE,

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IMMEDIATELY IT STARTS TO
TRANSLATE TO WHAT I KNOW

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FROM SCRIPTURE AND BACK.


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AND I KNOW THAT'S
NOT NORMAL,

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BUT THAT'S HOW GOD HAS
ALWAYS HAD MY BRAIN.

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SO I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT
SCIENCE AND BIOLOGY AND

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PHYSICS AND CHEMISTRY
THROUGH THE LENS OF

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SCRIPTURE PRETTY
MUCH MY ENTIRE LIFE.

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>> THAT'S SO FASCINATING.


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THAT'S HOW GOD, THAT'S
A GIFT YOU HAVE.

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IT'S HOW GOD'S WIRED YOU.


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BUT WHAT'S SO INTERESTING
IS WITH YOUR NEW BOOK,

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<i>THE GARDEN WITHIN</i> , THERE'S
THIS FOUNDATIONAL CONCEPT

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OF THE TREE OF LIFE AND
THAT BEING WITHIN US.

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CAN YOU UNPACK THAT?


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>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.


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SO I WANTED TO WRITE A
BOOK THAT DEFINED WHAT IT

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MEANS TO BE WELL.


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THIS ISN'T A BOOK
ABOUT MENTAL

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ILLNESS OR SICKNESS.


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IT'S ABOUT WHAT THE BIBLE
TELLS US WELL-BEING LOOKS

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LIKE SPIRITUALLY,
EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY,

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PHYSICALLY, RELATIONALLY.


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HOW DO WE DEFINE WELLNESS?


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BECAUSE WHEN YOU START
TALKING ABOUT ILLNESS

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WITHOUT A DEFINITION
OF WELLNESS,

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HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOUR GOAL IS?

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PEOPLE ARE IN THESE
HEALING JOURNEYS,

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BUT WHERE DO THEY END?


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>> THAT'S SO GOOD.


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>> DO THEY END JUST
WHEN YOU'RE NOT

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IN PAIN ANYMORE?


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OR DO THEY END AT A
DEFINITION OF WELLNESS?

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AND SO I WANTED TO SEE
WHAT SCRIPTURE HAD

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TO SAY ABOUT WELLNESS.


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SO WHEN I WAS IN
MY PHD PROGRAM,

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THE FIRST NEUROSCIENCE
CLASS THAT I TOOK,

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I SAW A PICTURE
OF A NEURON,

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AND I WAS STRUCK BY IT
BECAUSE IT LOOKED

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LIKE A SEEDLING.


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AND I'M LIKE, THIS NEURON
LOOKS LIKE A PLANT.

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NOW, IF I BELIEVE IN THE
GOD OF MY SUNDAY SCHOOL

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BOOK, THAT HE CREATED THE
HEAVENS AND THE EARTH,

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AND HE MADE PLANTS ON DAY
THREE AND US ON DAY SIX,

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THEN THERE MUST HAVE BEEN
INTENTION BEHIND HAVING

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OUR NEURONS LOOK
LIKE PLANTS.

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AND THEN IMMEDIATELY, I
STARTED THINKING

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OF ALL THESE SCRIPTURES.


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WE ARE LIKE TREES PLANTED
BY RIVERS OF WATER,

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AND HE WILL PLANT THEM
IN THEIR OWN LAND.

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I MEAN, IT'S CONSTANTLY
THE ANALOGIES OF GARDEN

00:04:03.734 --> 00:04:04.700
ARE USED IN SCRIPTURE.


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AND SO I JUST STARTED
SEEING IT WAS LIKE ALL

00:04:06.367 --> 00:04:07.701
THESE LIGHTS STARTED
COMING ON BOTANY,

00:04:07.801 --> 00:04:10.334
BIOLOGY, SCRIPTURE.


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AND EVERY TIME
I SAW A MATCH,

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I STARTED TO DIVE
DEEPER INTO THAT.

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AND SO WHAT WE FIND IS
THAT THE BIBLE GIVES

00:04:16.334 --> 00:04:20.001
GARDENS AS A DEFINITION
OF WELL-BEING.

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IN ISAIAH 58:11 IT
SAYS THAT I WILL,

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MAY THE LORD GUIDE
YOU CONTINUALLY,

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AND THAT HE WILL MAKE YOU
AS A WELL-WATERED GARDEN

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WHO SPRINGS OF
WATER FAIL NOT.

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AND SO THE GARDEN IS
ACTUALLY OUR DEFINITION

00:04:33.168 --> 00:04:34.434
OF WELL-BEING.


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THEN YOU JUMP TO
MATTHEW CHAPTER 13,

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THE PARABLE OF
THE SOWER,

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AND JESUS GIVES US
THE PIECES.

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HE SAYS, SEEDS ARE WORDS,
AND THAT THE SOIL

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IS THE HEART.


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THAT'S OUR EMOTION SPACE.


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AND THEN THE
PLANT SPRINGS UP.

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WELL, IT ALREADY
LOOKS LIKE A NEURON.

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SO THERE'S OUR THOUGHTS.


00:04:49.934 --> 00:04:51.900
AND THEN HE SAYS, THE
FRUIT IS WHAT WE DO.

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SEED, SOIL, PLANT, FRUIT,
BELIEFS, EMOTIONS,

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THOUGHTS, BEHAVIOR.


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AND NOW WE HAVE A VIEW
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

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DIRECTLY FROM SCRIPTURE.


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AND THAT VIEW ACTUALLY
CONTRADICTED SOME OF

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PSYCHOLOGY'S MAIN
ASSESSMENTS AT THE TIME,

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WHICH IS THAT OUR THOUGHTS
CREATE OUR FEELINGS.

00:05:09.601 --> 00:05:11.800
BUT PLANTS
DON'T MAKE SOIL.

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SOIL GROWS PLANTS


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>> SPEAK, OKAY,


00:05:14.167 --> 00:05:14.901
SO SPEAK TO THAT.


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>> YEAH.


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THE, THE DOMINATING THOUGHT
IN PSYCHOLOGY AND HUMAN

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BEHAVIOR FOREVER WAS THAT
THE MIND IS MORE POWERFUL

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THAN THE HEART, THAT
EMOTIONS NEEDED TO BE

00:05:26.501 --> 00:05:28.434
SUBJUGATED BY THE
MIND IN ORDER FOR US

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TO BE IN CONTROL.


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I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT
THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL SIN,

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WASN'T IT?


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THAT WE WANTED TO KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD

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AND EVIL, RIGHT?


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OUR PURSUIT OF THE MIND
MESSED US UP IN THE FIRST

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PLACE, AND THAT HAS
CONTINUED TO BE

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A THEME IN HUMAN SOCIETY.


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AND UNFORTUNATELY
IN THE CHURCH,

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THAT THE MIND, RENEW YOUR
MIND, CAPTURE THOUGHTS.

00:05:49.701 --> 00:05:51.601
BUT WHEN YOU REALLY STUDY
SCRIPTURE HOLISTICALLY,

00:05:51.701 --> 00:05:53.868
YOU'LL SEE THAT THE HEART
IS MENTIONED LIKE A

00:05:53.968 --> 00:05:55.867
THOUSAND TIMES, AND
THE MIND'S MENTIONED

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LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES.


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AND SO WHEN JESUS
CLARIFIES THAT THE SOIL IS

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THE HEART AND HE EVEN USES
EMOTION LANGUAGE, IT SAYS,

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FOR INSTANCE, OF
THE STONY GROUND,

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THE SEED WAS
RECEIVED WITH JOY.

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BUT THEN WHEN
THE SUN CAME OUT,

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THERE WAS OFFENSE AND
THE THORNS ARE ANXIETY.

00:06:10.401 --> 00:06:12.600
SO HE'S DEFINING THE
SOIL IN EMOTION TERMS.

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THIS IS NOT A
FIGURE OF SPEECH.

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IF THE SOIL WHERE I
AM EMOTIONALLY IS THE

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DETERMINATION ON WHETHER
THE SEED FINDS A FERTILE

00:06:20.601 --> 00:06:24.201
SPACE, AND THEN THE PLANT
IS THE MIND THAT GROWS

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FROM THE SOIL OF MY HEART,


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IT SOUNDS LIKE I NEED
TO BE GIVING MUCH MORE

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ATTENTION TO THE
SOIL THAN THE PLANT.

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I MEAN, A PLANT IS DEFINED
BY WHERE IT'S PLANTED.

00:06:33.267 --> 00:06:34.901
IT'S CALLED A PLANT,
LIKE IT'S DEFINED

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BY THE SOIL THAT IT'S IN.


00:06:36.400 --> 00:06:38.868
AND SO ONCE I REALIZED
THAT, OH MY GOSH,

00:06:38.968 --> 00:06:42.468
EMOTION IS ACTUALLY
PRECEDING, THINKING.

00:06:42.568 --> 00:06:44.534
IF YOU GO TO YOUR KING
JAMES VERSION SO THAT YOU

00:06:44.634 --> 00:06:46.468
CAN GET CLOSER TO THE
ORIGINAL TRANSCRIPTS,

00:06:46.568 --> 00:06:49.301
ANY SCRIPTURE THAT YOU
LOOK AT THAT HAS THE WORD

00:06:49.401 --> 00:06:51.034
HEART AND MIND IN IT,


00:06:51.134 --> 00:06:53.534
HEART ALWAYS COMES FIRST.


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>> WOW.


00:06:54.834 --> 00:06:55.834
>> EVERY SINGLE TIME THE WORD
TRANSLATE IS HEART COMES

00:06:55.934 --> 00:06:57.534
BEFORE THE WORD
TRANSLATE IS MIND.

00:06:57.634 --> 00:06:59.301
IF YOU LOOK AT EVERY
SCRIPTURE THAT HAS HEART

00:06:59.401 --> 00:07:02.234
AND SPIRIT IN IT,
HEART COMES FIRST,

00:07:02.334 --> 00:07:04.201
SPIRIT COMES SECOND.


00:07:04.301 --> 00:07:07.501
AND SO THE ORDERING
IS THERE CONSTANTLY.

00:07:07.601 --> 00:07:08.301
>> AND THAT'S ON PURPOSE.


00:07:08.401 --> 00:07:08.967
>> IT'S ON --


00:07:09.067 --> 00:07:09.767
IT'S GOD.


00:07:09.867 --> 00:07:11.500
IT'S OUR BIBLE, RIGHT?


00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.567
BUT WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME
THINKING ABOUT THE CULTURE

00:07:14.667 --> 00:07:16.534
IN WHICH THE
BIBLE WAS WRITTEN,

00:07:16.634 --> 00:07:18.601
BUT WE FORGET TO CHECK ON
THE CULTURAL MOMENT IN

00:07:18.701 --> 00:07:19.734
WHICH IT'S BEING READ.


00:07:19.834 --> 00:07:22.634
HOW ARE MY WORLDVIEW
LENSES CAUSING ME TO MISS

00:07:22.734 --> 00:07:23.934
THINGS IN THIS WORD?


00:07:24.034 --> 00:07:26.300
AND WHEN I GREW UP IN A
SPACE THAT SAYS MIND OVER

00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:28.334
MATTER AND YOUR
THINKING MATTERS,

00:07:28.434 --> 00:07:31.334
AND I GO INTO MY BIBLE
BIASED FOR THAT.

00:07:31.434 --> 00:07:33.701
BUT WHEN I PULLED BACK THE
LENS AND STARTED FOLLOWING

00:07:33.801 --> 00:07:36.234
THE GARDEN, I FOUND OUT
WE WERE WRONG ABOUT THAT.

00:07:36.334 --> 00:07:37.567
AND IT WAS SHOCKING
TO ME BECAUSE, LISTEN,

00:07:37.667 --> 00:07:38.900
I'M, I'M A BRAINY
CHICK, RIGHT?

00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:42.434
I WANT TO DO THE THINKING,
BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT THE

00:07:42.534 --> 00:07:43.868
HEART IS EVERYTHING.


00:07:43.968 --> 00:07:46.267
WITH THE HEART, WE
BELIEVE UNTO SALVATION.

00:07:46.367 --> 00:07:49.234
NOBODY EVER GAVE THEIR
LIFE TO JESUS STOICALLY.

00:07:49.334 --> 00:07:50.168
WHO GAVE THEIR
LIFE TO JESUS,

00:07:50.268 --> 00:07:51.834
LIKE, OH, SURE.


00:07:51.934 --> 00:07:52.734
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE
ON JESUS?

00:07:52.834 --> 00:07:54.167
SURE, I'LL
BELIEVE ON THAT

00:07:54.267 --> 00:07:56.601
A GUY ROSE FROM THE DEAD
AND CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFE.

00:07:56.701 --> 00:07:57.467
WHY NOT?


00:07:57.567 --> 00:08:00.001
EVERY ONE OF
US WAS CRYING.

00:08:00.101 --> 00:08:02.901
WE WERE MOVED EMOTIONALLY
TO FOLLOW JESUS,

00:08:03.001 --> 00:08:04.334
LIKE OUR HEARTS MATTER.


00:08:04.434 --> 00:08:07.667
AND SO MY BOOK I'M SHOWING
THAT FIRST WE NEED TO GET

00:08:07.767 --> 00:08:10.267
THE RIGHT VIEW OF WHAT
IT MEANS TO BE WELL,

00:08:10.367 --> 00:08:12.567
AND THEN WE CAN START
REPAIRING WHAT'S BROKEN

00:08:12.667 --> 00:08:15.100
AND UNDERSTANDING WHERE
WE ARE EMOTIONALLY,

00:08:15.200 --> 00:08:17.067
AND HOW THAT'S MADE CENTRAL TO
HOW WE WERE CREATED,

00:08:17.167 --> 00:08:20.168
THEN WE WORK FROM THERE.


00:08:20.268 --> 00:08:21.634
>> IT'S SO INTERESTING
BECAUSE I REMEMBER WHEN I

00:08:21.734 --> 00:08:23.934
WAS LISTENING TO
WHOLE BRAIN CHILD,

00:08:24.034 --> 00:08:26.500
THE PSYCHOLOGIST, AND THAT
HE TRIED TO COME UP WITH

00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:28.701
THE DEFINITION OF MENTAL
WELLNESS BECAUSE HE SAID

00:08:28.801 --> 00:08:31.501
IN THE FIELD THERE WAS
JUST WHAT'S WRONG?

00:08:31.601 --> 00:08:33.134
AND WE HAVE TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT'S RIGHT,

00:08:33.234 --> 00:08:34.801
BECAUSE LIKE YOU SAID, YOU
HAVE TO HAVE THAT GOAL...

00:08:34.901 --> 00:08:35.434
>> YEAH.


00:08:35.534 --> 00:08:36.567
>> THAT YOU AIM TOWARDS.


00:08:36.667 --> 00:08:38.801
AND SO FROM THERE, BECAUSE
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND

00:08:38.901 --> 00:08:40.000
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.


00:08:40.100 --> 00:08:41.167
AND THAT'S WHY I
THINK OF A GARDEN,

00:08:41.267 --> 00:08:43.234
BECAUSE A GARDEN IS A
PLACE THAT'S CULTIVATED.

00:08:43.334 --> 00:08:44.134
>> YES.


00:08:44.234 --> 00:08:46.301
>> SO WE HAVE TO
CULTIVATE THE SPACE.

00:08:46.401 --> 00:08:47.967
AND SO YOU TALK ABOUT
TRAUMA AND THESE DIFFERENT

00:08:48.067 --> 00:08:50.167
THINGS THAT CAN THINGS
THAT CAN CAUSE PROBLEMS

00:08:50.267 --> 00:08:53.868
WITHIN OUR GARDEN, BUT HOW WE
CAN RECEIVE HEALING.

00:08:53.968 --> 00:08:54.700
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.


00:08:54.800 --> 00:08:57.000
I COMPARE TRAUMAS
TO EARTHQUAKES.

00:08:57.100 --> 00:08:58.734
SO WE UNDERSTAND A
GARDEN, RIGHT.

00:08:58.834 --> 00:09:01.968
AND WHEN SOMETHING SHAKES
THE GROUND SO MUCH,

00:09:02.068 --> 00:09:03.800
THINGS ARE UPROOTED.


00:09:03.900 --> 00:09:05.434
THERE CAN BE FLOODS,
THERE CAN --

00:09:05.534 --> 00:09:06.500
WE CAN BE OVERWHELMED.


00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:09.734
IN FACT, WE OFTEN TALK
ABOUT EMOTIONAL FLOODING

00:09:09.834 --> 00:09:11.334
AS SOMEONE, WHEN
THEY'RE OVERWHELMED.

00:09:11.434 --> 00:09:13.200
WE USE THE WORD FLOODING,
WHICH IS, WHICH IS ACTUALLY

00:09:13.300 --> 00:09:14.867
VERY CONGRUENT
WITH THE BIBLE,

00:09:14.967 --> 00:09:16.267
THE WATER IN THE GARDEN.


00:09:16.367 --> 00:09:18.968
AND SO EARTHQUAKES COME,
THEY SHAKE THINGS UP,

00:09:19.068 --> 00:09:20.700
AND THEN WE HAVE TO
RECOVER FROM WHAT IS

00:09:20.800 --> 00:09:21.734
BROKEN FROM THAT.


00:09:21.834 --> 00:09:23.601
AND SO TRAUMA
DOES CHANGE US.

00:09:23.701 --> 00:09:25.834
IT CHANGES US
BIOLOGICALLY.

00:09:25.934 --> 00:09:28.834
AND EMOTION IS A
BODILY EXPERIENCE.

00:09:28.934 --> 00:09:31.267
AND SO WHEN MY NERVOUS
SYSTEM CHANGES,

00:09:31.367 --> 00:09:33.167
MY EMOTIONAL
EXPERIENCES CHANGE.

00:09:33.267 --> 00:09:35.601
AND I REALLY WANT OUR
LISTENERS TO HEAR THAT

00:09:35.701 --> 00:09:37.400
BECAUSE SO MANY OF YOUR
LISTENERS ARE JESUS

00:09:37.500 --> 00:09:40.500
FOLLOWERS, WE HAVE TO
RECOGNIZE THAT EMOTIONS

00:09:40.600 --> 00:09:44.667
ARE BODILY EXPERIENCES,
NOT THOUGHT PRODUCTS.

00:09:44.767 --> 00:09:46.834
AND WE KNOW THAT BECAUSE
WE'LL SAY, WELL,

00:09:46.934 --> 00:09:47.834
I GOT TO THINK DIFFERENT.


00:09:47.934 --> 00:09:49.434
YOU KNOW, MY STINKING
THINKING IS CAUSING

00:09:49.534 --> 00:09:51.400
THESE PAINFUL EMOTIONS.


00:09:51.500 --> 00:09:52.967
THE BIBLE DOESN'T
SHOW ME THAT.

00:09:53.067 --> 00:09:55.468
HEBREWS 4:15 SAYS, WE HAVE
NOT A HIGH PRIEST WHO

00:09:55.568 --> 00:09:58.534
CANNOT BE TOUCHED BY
THE FEELINGS OF OUR

00:09:58.634 --> 00:10:00.334
INFIRMITIES, OUR
HUMAN WEAKNESSES.

00:10:00.434 --> 00:10:02.534
HE WAS TEMPTED IN EVERY
WAY, YET WITHOUT SIN.

00:10:02.634 --> 00:10:05.034
SO FIRST OF ALL, IF HE
FELT EVERYTHING WE FEEL

00:10:05.134 --> 00:10:08.868
AND HE NEVER SINNED, NO
EMOTION CAN BE A SIN.

00:10:08.968 --> 00:10:09.734
>> THAT'S TRUE.


00:10:09.834 --> 00:10:10.968
>> THAT'S HUMONGOUSLY
IMPORTANT.

00:10:11.068 --> 00:10:11.801
>> YEAH.


00:10:11.901 --> 00:10:13.001
>> IT'S HUMONGOUSLY
IMPORTANT.

00:10:13.101 --> 00:10:16.367
JESUS FELT EVERY EMOTION WE
FEEL AND HE NEVER SINNED.

00:10:16.467 --> 00:10:17.767
AND SO OUR
EMOTIONS ARE THERE.

00:10:17.867 --> 00:10:19.934
THE ONLY REASON JESUS
COULD FEEL EVERY EMOTION

00:10:20.034 --> 00:10:22.901
WE FEEL IS BECAUSE HE
PUT ON A HUMAN BODY.

00:10:23.001 --> 00:10:23.968
THAT'S IT.


00:10:24.068 --> 00:10:26.534
OTHERWISE, JESUS HAD
STINKING THINKING WHEN HE

00:10:26.634 --> 00:10:28.167
WAS CRYING IN GETHSEMANE.


00:10:28.267 --> 00:10:31.234
IF OUR MINDS CREATE
OUR PAINFUL EMOTIONS,

00:10:31.334 --> 00:10:33.900
THEN THAT MEANS JESUS WAS
THINKING BADLY WHEN HE

00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:36.301
CRIED OUTSIDE LAZARUS'S
TOMB OR WHEN HE FLIPPED

00:10:36.401 --> 00:10:37.400
TABLES IN ANGER.


00:10:37.500 --> 00:10:38.467
AND WE KNOW
THE BIBLE SAYS,

00:10:38.567 --> 00:10:39.868
LET THIS MIND BE IN YOU,
WHICH WAS ALSO IN CHRIST

00:10:39.968 --> 00:10:41.801
JESUS, WHICH MEANS
HIS MIND WAS PERFECT.

00:10:41.901 --> 00:10:44.834
AND SO, YEAH, WE NEED
TO STOP TRYING

00:10:44.934 --> 00:10:46.434
TO OUTTHINK OUR
EMOTIONS.

00:10:46.534 --> 00:10:48.767
THEY ARE BODILY
EXPERIENCES,

00:10:48.867 --> 00:10:52.301
AND EVERY TIME JESUS
EXPRESSED PHYSICALLY,

00:10:52.401 --> 00:10:54.934
EMOTIONALLY TEARS, EVERY
TIME HE EXPRESSED A

00:10:55.034 --> 00:10:58.468
PAINFUL EMOTION, SOMETHING
MIRACULOUS HAPPENED.

00:10:58.568 --> 00:11:00.601
EVERY TIME HE
HAD A BREAKDOWN,

00:11:00.701 --> 00:11:01.667
SOMETHING BROKE THROUGH.


00:11:01.767 --> 00:11:02.568
>> THAT'S SO TRUE.


00:11:02.668 --> 00:11:03.667
>> EVERY TIME.


00:11:03.767 --> 00:11:06.234
BUT WE TRY SO HARD NOT
TO BREAK DOWN THAT WE'RE

00:11:06.334 --> 00:11:08.301
OFTEN MISSING OUR
BREAKTHROUGH.

00:11:08.401 --> 00:11:09.400
>> AND THAT'S NOT GOOD.


00:11:09.500 --> 00:11:10.534
>> NOT GOOD.


00:11:10.634 --> 00:11:12.567
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY CAUSES
A LOT OF PROBLEMS IF WE

00:11:12.667 --> 00:11:14.567
STORE OUR EMOTIONS UP.


00:11:14.667 --> 00:11:17.101
SO MY QUESTION
TO YOU IS WHAT --

00:11:17.201 --> 00:11:18.067
SO ARE THE EMOTIONS,


00:11:18.167 --> 00:11:19.500
YOU'RE SAYING THEY
COME FROM THE HEART.

00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:20.667
>> THEY ARE, YES.


00:11:20.767 --> 00:11:23.201
ACTUALLY, WE KNOW NOW THAT
OUR BIOLOGICAL HEART IS

00:11:23.301 --> 00:11:25.201
INVOLVED IN IT, 100%.


00:11:25.301 --> 00:11:28.001
BUT ALSO OUR, OUR
METAPHORICAL HEART.

00:11:28.101 --> 00:11:29.734
OUR EMOTIONS ARE
BODILY EXPERIENCES,

00:11:29.834 --> 00:11:31.734
OUR AUTONOMIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM,

00:11:31.834 --> 00:11:33.268
THE SAME PART OF OUR
NERVOUS SYSTEM THAT MAKES

00:11:33.368 --> 00:11:35.300
US BREATHE
WITHOUT THINKING,

00:11:35.400 --> 00:11:38.301
MAKES OUR HEART BEAT,
WITHOUT OUR VOLITION.

00:11:38.401 --> 00:11:39.434
ANYONE WANT TO
TRY RIGHT NOW,

00:11:39.534 --> 00:11:40.968
CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND BE LIKE,

00:11:41.068 --> 00:11:42.768
TRY TO MAKE YOUR
HEART STOP BEATING.

00:11:42.868 --> 00:11:43.501
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.


00:11:43.601 --> 00:11:44.301
>> YEAH.


00:11:44.401 --> 00:11:45.167
>> YOU'RE NOT
POWERFUL ENOUGH.

00:11:45.267 --> 00:11:46.467
WE GIVE OUR MINDS
TOO MUCH POWER.

00:11:46.567 --> 00:11:48.734
I CANNOT THINK MY HEART
OUT OF BEATING, RIGHT?

00:11:48.834 --> 00:11:49.734
>> NO.


00:11:49.834 --> 00:11:51.834
>> AND SO OUR AUTONOMIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM,

00:11:51.934 --> 00:11:53.434
WHICH MAKES MY HEART BEAT,
WHICH MAKES MY LUNGS

00:11:53.534 --> 00:11:57.667
INFLATE, ALSO RESPONDS
WHEN I HAVE EXTERNAL

00:11:57.767 --> 00:12:00.934
EXPERIENCES AND I HAVE A
BODILY RESPONSE TO THEM.

00:12:01.034 --> 00:12:02.300
THOSE ARE OUR EMOTIONS.


00:12:02.400 --> 00:12:06.234
SO WHEN I AM THREATENED,
I HAVE A BODILY RESPONSE

00:12:06.334 --> 00:12:08.267
THAT WE CALL FEAR.


00:12:08.367 --> 00:12:10.367
WHEN I LOSE SOMETHING
VALUABLE TO ME,

00:12:10.467 --> 00:12:12.367
I HAVE A BODILY RESPONSE
CALLED SADNESS.

00:12:12.467 --> 00:12:15.168
MY CHEST FEELS HEAVY,
MY STOMACH GETS TIGHT,

00:12:15.268 --> 00:12:16.434
MY EYES WANT TO CRY.


00:12:16.534 --> 00:12:19.434
THOSE ARE BODILY RESPONSES
TO THE EXPERIENCES

00:12:19.534 --> 00:12:20.668
THAT I HAVE.


00:12:20.768 --> 00:12:23.301
>> SO THEY'RE ALSO
PHYSICAL, OUR EMOTIONS?

00:12:23.401 --> 00:12:24.834
>> THEY AREN'T
ALSO PHYSICAL,

00:12:24.934 --> 00:12:25.801
THEY ARE PHYSICAL.


00:12:25.901 --> 00:12:26.634
>> THEY ARE PHYSICAL.


00:12:26.734 --> 00:12:27.768
>> THEY ARE PHYSICAL.


00:12:27.868 --> 00:12:29.301
DEAD MEN DON'T CRY.


00:12:29.401 --> 00:12:30.134
>> YEAH, SURE.


00:12:30.234 --> 00:12:31.067
[ LAUGHTER ]


00:12:31.167 --> 00:12:32.567
>> WELL, NO ONE'S
EVER FRAMED IT THAT WAY.

00:12:32.667 --> 00:12:33.834
SO I FEEL LIKE
I'M JUST, LIKE,

00:12:33.934 --> 00:12:34.967
LITTLE MIND
BLOWN OVER HERE.

00:12:35.067 --> 00:12:35.834
>> THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY
PHYSICAL.

00:12:35.934 --> 00:12:37.800
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT
YOU'RE SAD?

00:12:37.900 --> 00:12:39.234
>> WELL, I KNOW, YOU
FEEL IT.

00:12:39.334 --> 00:12:39.768
>> WHERE?


00:12:39.868 --> 00:12:40.301
>> YOU FEEL IT.


00:12:40.401 --> 00:12:41.267
>> WHERE?


00:12:41.367 --> 00:12:42.134
>> LIKE --


00:12:42.234 --> 00:12:43.167
WELL, IF YOU,


00:12:43.267 --> 00:12:44.234
IF YOU'RE CRYING.


00:12:44.334 --> 00:12:45.001
BUT LIKE, A LOT OF TIMES
I'LL FEEL THINGS LIKE

00:12:45.101 --> 00:12:45.968
RIGHT IN MY GUT.


00:12:46.068 --> 00:12:46.767
>> YEAH.


00:12:46.867 --> 00:12:48.267
HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU'RE MAD?

00:12:48.367 --> 00:12:49.701
JAW STARTS GETTING
TIGHT.

00:12:49.801 --> 00:12:50.967
YOU FEEL A LITTLE HOT.


00:12:51.067 --> 00:12:52.600
>> OR IF YOU'RE
ANXIOUS, YOU CAN GET,

00:12:52.700 --> 00:12:54.767
YOUR HEART STARTS
GOING CRAZY, SWEATING.

00:12:54.867 --> 00:12:56.368
>> YOU FEEL YOUR
INTESTINES DOING A THING.

00:12:56.468 --> 00:12:57.234
YOUR MOUTH GETS DRY.


00:12:57.334 --> 00:12:58.134
>> YES.


00:12:58.234 --> 00:12:59.834
>> THAT'S HOW YOU
KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

00:12:59.934 --> 00:13:02.034
THIS IS NOT AN
ABSTRACT CONCEPT.

00:13:02.134 --> 00:13:03.834
>> SO THE BIG MISTAKE
RIGHT NOW IS PEOPLE ARE

00:13:03.934 --> 00:13:05.534
SWITCHING THE TWO.


00:13:05.634 --> 00:13:08.368
SO THEN WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
THE PURPOSE OF OUR --

00:13:08.468 --> 00:13:10.168
WHAT ARE THE PURPOSE
OF OUR EMOTIONS.

00:13:10.268 --> 00:13:11.468
AND THEN WHAT WOULD
YOU SAY TO SOMEONE,

00:13:11.568 --> 00:13:14.368
BECAUSE WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE LED BY OUR EMOTIONS,

00:13:14.468 --> 00:13:15.534
CORRECT?


00:13:15.634 --> 00:13:16.334
LIKE WHAT,


00:13:16.434 --> 00:13:17.467
WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT THAT?

00:13:17.567 --> 00:13:22.634
>> I BELIEVE THERE'S A
LOT MORE CENTRAL ROLE,

00:13:22.734 --> 00:13:24.567
A MUCH MORE CENTRAL ROLE
THAN WE WOULD LIKE.

00:13:24.667 --> 00:13:26.567
SO WE WILL DO ANYTHING WE
CAN TO TRY AND GET AWAY

00:13:26.667 --> 00:13:28.601
FROM OUR EMOTIONS, ESPECIALLY
OUR PAINFUL ONES.

00:13:28.701 --> 00:13:30.801
OKAY, WE'RE USED TO NOT BE
ALLOWED TO HAVE THEM, RIGHT?

00:13:30.901 --> 00:13:31.801
YOU JUST HAD TO
PUT THEM ASIDE.

00:13:31.901 --> 00:13:32.967
FAITH OVER FEELINGS.


00:13:33.067 --> 00:13:34.667
DON'T LET YOUR FEELINGS
DISRUPT YOUR FAITH.

00:13:34.767 --> 00:13:36.034
THEN PEOPLE
STARTED REALIZING,

00:13:36.134 --> 00:13:37.367
DEFINITELY DURING
THE PANDEMIC,

00:13:37.467 --> 00:13:38.967
PEOPLE WERE SO EMOTIONALLY
OVERWHELMED THEY WERE

00:13:39.067 --> 00:13:41.134
LIKE, OKAY, MAYBE WE
NEED TO RETHINK THIS.

00:13:41.234 --> 00:13:42.967
YOU CAN FEEL IT, BUT DON'T
LET THEM BE IN CHARGE.

00:13:43.067 --> 00:13:45.368
LIKE WE'RE STILL ALWAYS
GUARDING AGAINST THEM

00:13:45.468 --> 00:13:46.867
WHEN OUR EMOTIONS ARE
ACTUALLY GIVING US

00:13:46.967 --> 00:13:48.300
REALLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION.


00:13:48.400 --> 00:13:51.868
SO IT'S JUST LIKE
BEING HUNGRY.

00:13:51.968 --> 00:13:53.801
IF WE DON'T EAT
ALL DAY LONG,

00:13:53.901 --> 00:13:55.634
WE HAVE HUNGER
PANGS, RIGHT?

00:13:55.734 --> 00:13:57.734
AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH HAVING A HUNGER PANG.

00:13:57.834 --> 00:14:00.267
BUT WHEN I GO TO THE
GROCERY STORE AT 5:00,

00:14:00.367 --> 00:14:01.734
IF I HAVEN'T
EATEN ALL DAY,

00:14:01.834 --> 00:14:03.534
THE CHANCES OF ME GETTING
THE FRIED CHICKEN FROM THE

00:14:03.634 --> 00:14:06.234
DELI IS HIGHER THAN ME
GOING TO BUY THE HEALTHY

00:14:06.334 --> 00:14:08.101
PIECE OF FISH AND GOING
HOME AND GRILLING IT.

00:14:08.201 --> 00:14:09.201
WHY?


00:14:09.301 --> 00:14:12.234
BECAUSE I'VE LET MY NEED
GET SO BIG THAT NOW I'M

00:14:12.334 --> 00:14:14.434
ACTUALLY NOT MAKING THE
DECISION I MIGHT HAVE MADE

00:14:14.534 --> 00:14:15.901
WHEN I ATE IF I
ATE BREAKFAST.

00:14:16.001 --> 00:14:16.668
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:14:16.768 --> 00:14:17.200
>> YEAH.


00:14:17.300 --> 00:14:18.367
THAT MAKES SENSE.


00:14:18.467 --> 00:14:21.201
>> AND SO THINK OF PAINFUL
EMOTIONS: SADNESS, ANGER,

00:14:21.301 --> 00:14:24.001
FEAR AS HUNGER PANGS


00:14:24.101 --> 00:14:25.834
FOR SOMETHING WE NEED.


00:14:25.934 --> 00:14:28.034
HUMANS NEED FOOD, WATER,
SHELTER TO SURVIVE.

00:14:28.134 --> 00:14:30.268
BUT WE ALSO NEED
CONNECTION,

00:14:30.368 --> 00:14:31.934
WE NEED A SENSE OF VALUE,


00:14:32.034 --> 00:14:34.868
AND WE NEED SAFETY, WHICH
IS PROVIDED BY LOVE.

00:14:34.968 --> 00:14:36.934
WHEN I AM HUNGRY
FOR THOSE THINGS,

00:14:37.034 --> 00:14:40.834
WHEN I'M HUNGRY FOR
CONNECTION, I FEEL SAD.

00:14:40.934 --> 00:14:43.068
SADNESS IS THE EMOTION
THAT I FEEL WHEN I'VE BEEN

00:14:43.168 --> 00:14:46.034
SEPARATED FROM PEOPLE, PLACES
AND THINGS THAT I LOVE.

00:14:46.134 --> 00:14:48.168
SO SOMEONE DIES,
I FEEL GRIEF,

00:14:48.268 --> 00:14:50.334
I'M HUNGRY FOR
THAT CONNECTION,

00:14:50.434 --> 00:14:54.934
AND WHEN I AM DEVALUED,
ANGER IS A HUNGER PANG

00:14:55.034 --> 00:14:56.268
FOR VALUE.


00:14:56.368 --> 00:14:58.167
IF SOMEONE DEVALUES
SOMETHING VALUABLE,

00:14:58.267 --> 00:14:58.934
I GET MAD.


00:14:59.034 --> 00:15:00.101
THEY BULLY MY KID.


00:15:00.201 --> 00:15:03.901
THEY WALK ACROSS MY WHITE
CARPET IN MUDDY SHOES.

00:15:04.001 --> 00:15:05.034
YOU KNOW, I'M ANGRY.


00:15:05.134 --> 00:15:06.034
THAT WAS VALUABLE


00:15:06.134 --> 00:15:07.401
AND YOU TREAT IT AS
LESS THAN VALUABLE.

00:15:07.501 --> 00:15:09.534
THAT'S A HUNGER
PANG FOR VALUE.

00:15:09.634 --> 00:15:12.267
FEAR IS A HUNGER
PANG FOR SAFETY,

00:15:12.367 --> 00:15:13.734
AND WE FEEL SAFE WHEN
WE'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF

00:15:13.834 --> 00:15:15.400
PEOPLE WHO LOVE US WELL.


00:15:15.500 --> 00:15:19.701
AND SO IF I DON'T MEET
THOSE NEEDS, EVENTUALLY,

00:15:19.801 --> 00:15:21.334
JUST LIKE NOT
EATING ALL DAY,

00:15:21.434 --> 00:15:24.301
I MAY MAKE A POOR DECISION
TO GET THE NEED MET.

00:15:24.401 --> 00:15:26.834
BUT THAT DOESN'T
MAKE HUNGER BAD.

00:15:26.934 --> 00:15:29.234
IT MEANS I NEED
TO MEET MY NEEDS.

00:15:29.334 --> 00:15:31.501
SO I'M A SINGLE WOMAN.


00:15:31.601 --> 00:15:33.101
CONNECTION IS NATURAL.


00:15:33.201 --> 00:15:35.534
IF I DON'T NOURISH
CONNECTION AND MY

00:15:35.634 --> 00:15:38.134
FRIENDSHIPS AND MY FAITH
COMMUNITY AND I JUST LET

00:15:38.234 --> 00:15:42.200
LONELINESS RUN, RUN,
RUN, I MAY MAKE A BAD

00:15:42.300 --> 00:15:46.334
CONNECTION DECISION
WHEN I'M STARVING.

00:15:46.434 --> 00:15:47.367
>> WOW.


00:15:47.467 --> 00:15:49.367
>> NOT BECAUSE THE DESIRE
TO CONNECT IS BAD,

00:15:49.467 --> 00:15:51.068
NOT BECAUSE
SADNESS IS BAD,

00:15:51.168 --> 00:15:54.267
BUT I LET MYSELF
GET SO HUNGRY.

00:15:54.367 --> 00:15:57.401
BUT WE'VE BEEN TAUGHT TO
IGNORE OUR HUNGER PANGS.

00:15:57.501 --> 00:15:59.534
AND SO THEN, WHEN WE
FINALLY MAYBE MAKE A BAD

00:15:59.634 --> 00:16:01.134
DECISION, THEN WE
GO, OH, YOU LET

00:16:01.234 --> 00:16:02.134
YOUR FEELINGS TAKE OVER.


00:16:02.234 --> 00:16:03.567
THAT'S LIKE SAYING
WHEN YOU FINALLY ATE,

00:16:03.667 --> 00:16:06.500
YOU LET YOUR
HUNGER TAKE OVER.

00:16:06.600 --> 00:16:09.301
I NEED FOOD AND I WANT
PEOPLE TO THINK ABOUT

00:16:09.401 --> 00:16:11.534
THEIR EMOTIONAL PAIN
THE EXACT SAME WAY.

00:16:11.634 --> 00:16:13.801
AND SO WHEN YOU SAY CAN'T
BE LED BY YOUR EMOTIONS,

00:16:13.901 --> 00:16:17.434
THAT'S LIKE SAYING, I CAN'T
BE LED BY HUNGER TO EAT.

00:16:17.534 --> 00:16:18.034
>> YEAH.


00:16:18.134 --> 00:16:18.701
>> DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:16:18.801 --> 00:16:19.500
>> NO --


00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:20.268
>> IT'S LIKE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.


00:16:20.368 --> 00:16:21.201
>> YEAH.


00:16:21.301 --> 00:16:22.601
YOU'RE BLOWING MY
WORLD IN A GOOD WAY.

00:16:22.701 --> 00:16:23.568
MY MIND'S LIKE, WHOA!


00:16:23.668 --> 00:16:24.301
>> YEAH.


00:16:24.401 --> 00:16:25.367
>> I LOVE IT, THOUGH.


00:16:25.467 --> 00:16:27.101
SO IT'S NOT THAT THE
EMOTIONS ARE THE ISSUE.

00:16:27.201 --> 00:16:29.334
IT WAS THE MISMANAGEMENT
OF STEWARDING THEM.

00:16:29.434 --> 00:16:30.134
>> IT'S ME NOT
RECOGNIZING.

00:16:30.234 --> 00:16:31.300
>> THAT LEADS TO
POOR DECISION.

00:16:31.400 --> 00:16:32.767
>> THAT THIS IS
SOMETHING I NEED.

00:16:32.867 --> 00:16:34.568
WHAT IS IT THAT
I NEED RIGHT NOW?

00:16:34.668 --> 00:16:36.234
AND WHAT IS MY BODY,


00:16:36.334 --> 00:16:37.501
BECAUSE I'M A HUMAN BODY,


00:16:37.601 --> 00:16:38.634
ASKING ME FOR?


00:16:38.734 --> 00:16:40.834
IS ASKING FOR CONNECTION,
FOR VALUE,

00:16:40.934 --> 00:16:41.867
FOR SAFETY.


00:16:41.967 --> 00:16:43.667
AND WHEN I
DON'T FEED THAT,

00:16:43.767 --> 00:16:46.600
I'M EITHER GOING TO BE
SICK, MALNOURISHED.

00:16:46.700 --> 00:16:49.767
IT'S GOING TO BE HARDER
FOR ME TO ENDURE HARDSHIP.

00:16:49.867 --> 00:16:51.967
IT'S LIKE RUNNING A
MARATHON WITHOUT FOOD.

00:16:52.067 --> 00:16:53.868
IF I'M GOING THROUGH
A HARDSHIP OVER TIME,

00:16:53.968 --> 00:16:56.568
A TRIAL OR TRIBULATION,
AND I'M NOT FINDING WAYS

00:16:56.668 --> 00:16:59.901
TO HAVE CONNECTION IN THAT
SPACE OR SAFETY OR LOVE IN

00:17:00.001 --> 00:17:02.034
THAT SPACE, IT'S GOING TO
BE A LOT HARDER FOR ME TO

00:17:02.134 --> 00:17:03.068
RUN THAT LONG RACE.


00:17:03.168 --> 00:17:04.101
>> YEAH.


00:17:04.201 --> 00:17:06.101
>> AND SO I THINK I NEED
PEOPLE TO COMPLETELY

00:17:06.201 --> 00:17:09.467
CHANGE THE WAY THEY SEE
EMOTION SO THAT WE AREN'T

00:17:09.567 --> 00:17:11.767
MAKING QUICK MOVES TO SAY,
WELL, DON'T BE LED BY IT,

00:17:11.867 --> 00:17:14.334
BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENS IS
YOU PUSH IT ASIDE AND YOU

00:17:14.434 --> 00:17:16.234
TRY TO POWER
THROUGH ANYWAY,

00:17:16.334 --> 00:17:18.234
BUT EVENTUALLY IT'S GOING
TO COME BACK AROUND.

00:17:18.334 --> 00:17:20.800
>> IT IS, AND IT'S
GOING TO NOT BE GOOD.

00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:22.467
>> IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
GOOD BECAUSE YOUR EMOTIONS

00:17:22.567 --> 00:17:27.001
WON'T LAST FOREVER, BUT
THEY WILL WAIT FOREVER.

00:17:27.101 --> 00:17:28.067
>> IS THAT STORED
UP EMOTION?

00:17:28.167 --> 00:17:29.268
>> YES.


00:17:29.368 --> 00:17:31.800
>> AND THEN WHEN IT SHOWS
UP AS A PANIC ATTACK THAT

00:17:31.900 --> 00:17:34.801
YOU CAN'T CONTROL, IT'S LIKE
SOMETHING'S OVERFLOWING.

00:17:34.901 --> 00:17:37.034
IT'S LIKE I LEFT THE TUB
RUNNING, WATER RUNNING.

00:17:37.134 --> 00:17:38.267
AND THEN WHEN IT STARTS
FLOODING THE BATHROOM,

00:17:38.367 --> 00:17:39.434
NO ONE'S SHOCKED.


00:17:39.534 --> 00:17:40.767
I FORGOT TO TURN IT OFF.


00:17:40.867 --> 00:17:43.601
I DIDN'T HAVE THE THE
PLUG OPEN TO DRAIN IT.

00:17:43.701 --> 00:17:45.667
YEAH, YOU'RE GOING TO BE
FLOODED WITH A LOT OF PAIN

00:17:45.767 --> 00:17:47.234
BECAUSE YOU'VE
BEEN SAVING IT UP,

00:17:47.334 --> 00:17:49.467
THINKING THAT YOU WERE
BEING STRONG OR THAT YOU

00:17:49.567 --> 00:17:50.901
WERE HAVING FAITH.


00:17:51.001 --> 00:17:54.634
AND NO, YOU'RE
BEING A HUMAN BEING.

00:17:54.734 --> 00:17:57.334
>> AND SO EMOTIONS ARE
GOD'S GIFT TO US TO

00:17:57.434 --> 00:17:58.968
UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON.


00:17:59.068 --> 00:17:59.768
>> 100%.


00:17:59.868 --> 00:18:01.434
>> TO UNDERSTAND
LIKE YOUR NEEDS.

00:18:01.534 --> 00:18:03.101
>> 100% TO
UNDERSTAND OUR NEEDS.

00:18:03.201 --> 00:18:04.534
WE WERE CREATED THAT WAY.


00:18:04.634 --> 00:18:06.467
NOW WHAT HAPPENS
WITH THE FALL, MAN,

00:18:06.567 --> 00:18:08.900
A LOT OF THINGS GOT OUT OF
WHACK AFTER THE FALL, RIGHT?

00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:11.134
WE WERE CREATED IN
THIS PERFECT BALANCE

00:18:11.234 --> 00:18:12.300
MADE FROM THE SOIL.


00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:14.567
SO REMEMBER, WE WERE MADE
FROM THE SOIL IN GENESIS 1.

00:18:14.667 --> 00:18:17.434
IN GENESIS 3,
WHEN THE FALL HAPPENS,

00:18:17.534 --> 00:18:19.268
NOT ONLY IS THE
SERPENT PUNISHED,

00:18:19.368 --> 00:18:20.401
NOT ONLY IS THE
WOMAN PUNISHED,

00:18:20.501 --> 00:18:21.668
NOT ONLY IS THE
MAN PUNISHED,

00:18:21.768 --> 00:18:24.134
BUT SOMETHING HAPPENS
TO THE GROUND.

00:18:24.234 --> 00:18:27.034
IT SAYS THE GROUND WILL
YIELD THORNS AND THISTLES.

00:18:27.134 --> 00:18:28.334
SO THE GROUND
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

00:18:28.434 --> 00:18:30.034
THE GROUND
WASN'T INVOLVED,

00:18:30.134 --> 00:18:33.168
BUT THE GROUND CHANGED
AND SO DID OUR BODIES.

00:18:33.268 --> 00:18:34.368
SAME REPRESENTATION.


00:18:34.468 --> 00:18:38.567
AND SO NOW WE'RE BORN WITH
PREDISPOSITIONS TO DEVELOP

00:18:38.667 --> 00:18:40.667
A MENTAL ILLNESS OR
PREDISPOSITION TO

00:18:40.767 --> 00:18:43.934
DIABETES, OR A PERSONALITY
THAT'S PREDISPOSED TO BE

00:18:44.034 --> 00:18:46.801
MORE ANGRY OR MORE SCARED.


00:18:46.901 --> 00:18:50.867
EVERYTHING GOES OUT OF BALANCE
WHEN THE FALL HAPPENS.

00:18:50.967 --> 00:18:52.967
AND SO WE ARE WORKING ON
BEING CONFORMED TO THE

00:18:53.067 --> 00:18:54.534
IMAGE OF HIS SON.


00:18:54.634 --> 00:18:55.967
BUT LET'S NOT FORGET
HOW EMOTIONALLY

00:18:56.067 --> 00:18:57.734
EXPRESSIVE JESUS WAS.


00:18:57.834 --> 00:18:59.067
>> SO AND YOU
WOULD SAY ALSO,

00:18:59.167 --> 00:19:01.500
THE EMOTIONS ARE CONNECTED
TO OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:19:01.600 --> 00:19:02.600
>> THEY ARE,


00:19:02.700 --> 00:19:04.901
OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
PRODUCES THEM.

00:19:05.001 --> 00:19:07.501
EVERY SINGLE THING THAT
HAPPENS TO US IS BODILY.

00:19:07.601 --> 00:19:10.301
NOTHING THAT WE EXPERIENCE
HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF OUR BODY.

00:19:10.401 --> 00:19:11.601
LIKE I SAID, DEAD
FOLKS AREN'T

00:19:11.701 --> 00:19:13.401
HAVING THESE EXPERIENCES.


00:19:13.501 --> 00:19:14.801
EVERYTHING IS BODILY.


00:19:14.901 --> 00:19:17.001
AND SO THIS IS FOR ME,
AS A PROFESSIONAL,

00:19:17.101 --> 00:19:18.868
NOW I PUT MY THERAPIST HAT
ON WHICH ALL THE HATS

00:19:18.968 --> 00:19:19.868
ARE ALWAYS ON.


00:19:19.968 --> 00:19:22.068
BUT MENTAL ILLNESS
AND PHYSICAL ILLNESS,

00:19:22.168 --> 00:19:24.034
WE HAVE THESE
TWO CATEGORIES.

00:19:24.134 --> 00:19:28.434
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE MEDICALLY
IS IN THE SYMPTOMS.

00:19:28.534 --> 00:19:32.367
SO IF AN ILLNESS PRIMARILY
MANIFESTS IN OUR EMOTIONS,

00:19:32.467 --> 00:19:34.834
OUR THOUGHTS OR
OUR BEHAVIORS,

00:19:34.934 --> 00:19:36.434
WE CALL THAT A
MENTAL ILLNESS.

00:19:36.534 --> 00:19:38.968
IF IT MANIFESTS IN OUR
BODY SYSTEMS LIKE MY BLOOD

00:19:39.068 --> 00:19:41.068
PRESSURE OR MY KIDNEYS,
WE CALL THAT

00:19:41.168 --> 00:19:42.267
A PHYSICAL ILLNESS.


00:19:42.367 --> 00:19:44.034
SO IT'S NOT THE
SOURCE OF THE ILLNESS

00:19:44.134 --> 00:19:45.367
THAT WE DIFFERENTIATE.


00:19:45.467 --> 00:19:47.200
EVERYTHING'S HAPPENING
IN OUR BODIES.

00:19:47.300 --> 00:19:48.801
IT'S THE SYMPTOM.


00:19:48.901 --> 00:19:52.067
SO IN MY BOOK, THE
DIAGNOSTIC, DIAGNOSTIC

00:19:52.167 --> 00:19:54.267
STATISTICAL MANUAL
OF MENTAL DISORDERS,

00:19:54.367 --> 00:19:56.334
WHICH IS THE BOOK THAT HAS
ALL THE RECOGNIZED MENTAL

00:19:56.434 --> 00:19:59.401
ILLNESSES THAT WE USE
FOR INSURANCE AND CODE,

00:19:59.501 --> 00:20:01.368
SCHIZOPHRENIA
IS IN THAT BOOK.

00:20:01.468 --> 00:20:03.701
SO IS DEMENTIA.


00:20:03.801 --> 00:20:06.301
DEMENTIA IS A
MENTAL ILLNESS.

00:20:06.401 --> 00:20:07.901
PEOPLE NEVER THINK
ABOUT IT THAT WAY.

00:20:08.001 --> 00:20:10.301
WHEN SOMEONE HAS DEMENTIA,
WE'RE NOT LIKE, OH,

00:20:10.401 --> 00:20:11.901
THEY HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS
AND THROW ALL THE SAME

00:20:12.001 --> 00:20:13.968
STIGMA THAT WE
THROW AT DEPRESSION.

00:20:14.068 --> 00:20:14.901
BUT GUESS WHAT?


00:20:15.001 --> 00:20:16.934
THEY'RE IN THE SAME
BOOK BECAUSE THEY

00:20:17.034 --> 00:20:17.934
COME FROM THE BODY.


00:20:18.034 --> 00:20:19.567
EVERYTHING HAPPENS
IN THE BODY.

00:20:19.667 --> 00:20:22.601
>> SO CAN YOU EXPLAIN MORE
ABOUT THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

00:20:22.701 --> 00:20:25.267
AND WHY, HOW SOMEONE
KNOWS IF THEIR NERVOUS

00:20:25.367 --> 00:20:26.734
SYSTEM IS DYSREGULATED?


00:20:26.834 --> 00:20:27.900
>> YES.


00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:30.401
AND SO WE HAVE OUR NERVOUS
SYSTEM HAS MANY DIVISIONS

00:20:30.501 --> 00:20:31.634
OR NOT MANY, IT'S THREE.


00:20:31.734 --> 00:20:33.434
BUT WE HAVE ONE
DIVISION WE CALL THE

00:20:33.534 --> 00:20:35.067
AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM.


00:20:35.167 --> 00:20:36.734
AND THAT WORD AUTONOMIC
MEANS WHAT IT

00:20:36.834 --> 00:20:37.968
SOUNDS LIKE AUTOMATIC.


00:20:38.068 --> 00:20:40.234
AND THAT NERVOUS SYSTEM
HAS TWO DIVISIONS,

00:20:40.334 --> 00:20:41.834
THE SYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM

00:20:41.934 --> 00:20:44.200
AND THE PARASYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:20:44.300 --> 00:20:45.334
>> YES.


00:20:45.434 --> 00:20:46.967
>> YES, THE SYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM IS THE ONE

00:20:47.067 --> 00:20:48.700
THAT ACTIVATES WHEN
WE NEED TO, LIKE,

00:20:48.800 --> 00:20:50.201
DO SOMETHING HARD.


00:20:50.301 --> 00:20:51.734
WE NEED TO
PHYSICALLY MOVE.

00:20:51.834 --> 00:20:53.700
SO IT'S GOING TO ACTIVATE
WHEN I'M STANDING ON HOME

00:20:53.800 --> 00:20:55.334
BASE WAITING
TO SWING A BAT.

00:20:55.434 --> 00:20:56.567
THAT'S SYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:20:56.667 --> 00:20:58.501
I'M NOT GOING TO BE RELAXED
AT THAT MOMENT, RIGHT?

00:20:58.601 --> 00:21:00.667
I'M READY TO LIKE,
GO INTO ACTION.

00:21:00.767 --> 00:21:03.200
BUT IT ALSO ACTIVATES
WHEN WE'RE UNDER THREAT.

00:21:03.300 --> 00:21:05.200
AND SO WHEN WE
RESPOND TO THREAT,

00:21:05.300 --> 00:21:07.367
PEOPLE KNOW THE TERMS
FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE.

00:21:07.467 --> 00:21:08.401
>> YEP.


00:21:08.501 --> 00:21:09.034
>> THAT'S THAT SYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:21:09.134 --> 00:21:09.501
>> FAWN.


00:21:09.601 --> 00:21:10.601
>> FAWN.


00:21:10.701 --> 00:21:14.434
>> AND WHETHER WE FIGHT,
FLIGHT, FREEZE OR FAWN IS

00:21:14.534 --> 00:21:16.334
VERY MUCH LINKED TO
OUR OWN PERSONALITIES.

00:21:16.434 --> 00:21:19.734
SO PEOPLE TEND TO LEAN INTO
ONE OR THE OTHER, RIGHT?

00:21:19.834 --> 00:21:20.534
AND SO, YEAH.


00:21:20.634 --> 00:21:22.400
>> SO THERE'S
REST AND DIGEST.

00:21:22.500 --> 00:21:24.467
>> THAT'S THE PARASYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:21:24.567 --> 00:21:25.568
>> AND YOU WANT TO SPEND


00:21:25.668 --> 00:21:27.167
MORE TIME THERE, CORRECT?


00:21:27.267 --> 00:21:29.801
>> THAT'S WHERE YOU WANT YOUR
BASELINE TO BE, RIGHT?

00:21:29.901 --> 00:21:31.268
>> THAT'S WHERE
YOU HEAL, RIGHT?

00:21:31.368 --> 00:21:32.434
>> THAT'S WHERE YOU HEAL.


00:21:32.534 --> 00:21:34.368
THAT'S WHERE YOUR
BODY IS CALM.

00:21:34.468 --> 00:21:35.168
>> OR RECOVER.


00:21:35.268 --> 00:21:36.201
>> YOU HAVE A SENSE
OF PEACE.

00:21:36.301 --> 00:21:38.467
YOU HAVE A SENSE OF
OPENNESS, CONNECTION.

00:21:38.567 --> 00:21:40.101
WHEN MY SYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM IS

00:21:40.201 --> 00:21:44.434
ACTIVATED, I AM POSSIBLY
BEING VERY VIGILANT.

00:21:44.534 --> 00:21:45.601
I CAN BE SCARED.


00:21:45.701 --> 00:21:48.001
IT CAN BE HARDER FOR
ME TO THINK CREATIVELY.

00:21:48.101 --> 00:21:50.700
IT CAN BE HARDER FOR ME TO
RELAX INTO RELATIONSHIP.

00:21:50.800 --> 00:21:54.234
AND SO WHEN WE HAVE BEEN
TRAUMATIZED, ESPECIALLY,

00:21:54.334 --> 00:21:56.401
WE CAN BECOME
SYMPATHETIC, DOMINANT,

00:21:56.501 --> 00:21:58.867
WHERE WE SPEND A LOT OF
TIME ACTIVATED.

00:21:58.967 --> 00:22:01.201
EVEN WHEN WE DON'T FEEL
SUPER ACTIVATED,

00:22:01.301 --> 00:22:03.767
WE'RE ALSO NOT SUPER CALM,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

00:22:03.867 --> 00:22:05.401
>> SO IS THAT LIKE
WHEN SOMEONE COMES,

00:22:05.501 --> 00:22:07.100
LIKE COMES IN AND YOU
DON'T EXPECT THEM

00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:07.934
AND YOU LIKE JUMP.


00:22:08.034 --> 00:22:08.600
>> WHEN THEY COME IN?


00:22:08.700 --> 00:22:09.567
>> YES, YES.


00:22:09.667 --> 00:22:10.201
THAT HYPERVIGILANCE
WE CALL IT, RIGHT?

00:22:10.268 --> 00:22:11.268
>> YEAH.


00:22:11.368 --> 00:22:14.434
IT WAS FIRST OBSERVED IN
BABIES WHO WERE ABUSED.

00:22:14.534 --> 00:22:17.734
AND I STARTED OUT AS A SOCIAL
WORKER IN FOSTER CARE.

00:22:17.834 --> 00:22:19.367
AND THIS WAS ONE OF THE
THINGS THAT I LEARNED THAT

00:22:19.467 --> 00:22:21.001
IF YOU COME TO VISIT A
HOUSE WHERE THERE'S LIKE

00:22:21.101 --> 00:22:23.334
SUSPECTED CHILD ABUSE, ONE
OF THE THINGS YOU LOOK FOR

00:22:23.434 --> 00:22:26.434
IN A BABY IS THAT
THEIR EYES FOLLOW.

00:22:26.534 --> 00:22:27.367
THEY DART EVERYWHERE


00:22:27.467 --> 00:22:28.668
THERE'S MOVEMENT,
AND THAT'S ONE --

00:22:28.768 --> 00:22:29.601
>> 'CAUSE THEY'RE ON EDGE.


00:22:29.701 --> 00:22:30.734
>> THEY'RE ON EDGE.


00:22:30.834 --> 00:22:32.001
>> BECAUSE IT'S ROOTED IN
TRYING TO SURVIVE, RIGHT?

00:22:32.101 --> 00:22:33.634
>> AND TO FEEL SAFE.


00:22:33.734 --> 00:22:34.567
>> OH.


00:22:34.667 --> 00:22:35.934
>> THE SENSE OF
SAFETY THAT WE NEED.

00:22:36.034 --> 00:22:39.034
AND SO YOU CAN SEE HOW THE
BABIES TENSE AND TENSION

00:22:39.134 --> 00:22:41.201
IN THEIR BODY, BUT THEIR
EYES DARTING AROUND IN A

00:22:41.301 --> 00:22:44.334
WAY THAT, YOU KNOW,
THIS BABY'S NOT SAFE.

00:22:44.434 --> 00:22:48.000
AND SO WE CAN GROW UP WITH
A SENSE OF SAFETY MISSING

00:22:48.100 --> 00:22:50.801
AND DON'T EVEN REALIZE
THAT WE ARE ACTIVATED IN

00:22:50.901 --> 00:22:52.201
THAT WAY ALL THE TIME.


00:22:52.301 --> 00:22:54.467
WE'RE JUST A LITTLE
VIGILANT FOR THE NEXT

00:22:54.567 --> 00:22:57.001
REJECTION, THE NEXT
THE SHOE TO DROP,

00:22:57.101 --> 00:22:58.167
AND THAT SENSE OF ANXIETY.


00:22:58.267 --> 00:22:59.401
>> YES, WAITING FOR
THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.

00:22:59.501 --> 00:23:00.834
>> WAITING FOR THE OTHER
SHOE TO DROP.

00:23:00.934 --> 00:23:03.534
SO THAT'S THAT
SYMPATHETIC ACTIVATION,

00:23:03.634 --> 00:23:07.067
THE PARASYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM TURNS THAT

00:23:07.167 --> 00:23:09.067
SYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM OFF.

00:23:09.167 --> 00:23:11.468
BECAUSE THE SYMPATHETIC NERVOUS
SYSTEM HAS AN ON SWITCH,

00:23:11.568 --> 00:23:13.401
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE
AN OFF SWITCH.

00:23:13.501 --> 00:23:16.467
THE PARASYMPATHETIC HAS TO
COME ON AND SWITCH IT OFF.

00:23:16.567 --> 00:23:18.434
AND SO THAT REST
AND DIGEST SYSTEM,

00:23:18.534 --> 00:23:20.301
I CALL IT THE TREE OF
LIFE IN THE CENTER

00:23:20.401 --> 00:23:21.701
OF OUR GARDEN.


00:23:21.801 --> 00:23:22.534
>> INTERESTING.


00:23:22.634 --> 00:23:24.367
>> IF YOU LOOK AT
THE VAGUS NERVE,

00:23:24.467 --> 00:23:26.301
WHICH IS THE NERVE
THAT INNERVATES THE

00:23:26.401 --> 00:23:27.600
PARASYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM,

00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:31.067
IT LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE A TREE
IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR BODY.

00:23:31.167 --> 00:23:34.001
IF THE SEED WAS
PLANTED IN THE HEART,

00:23:34.101 --> 00:23:36.000
THE ROOTS FROM THAT
TREE GO DOWN INTO OUR

00:23:36.100 --> 00:23:39.434
INTESTINES, AND THEN IT
GROWS UP INTO OUR HEAD AND

00:23:39.534 --> 00:23:41.434
THERE'S THE BRAIN ON
TOP LIKE A BIG FRUIT.

00:23:41.534 --> 00:23:42.800
THE BRAIN IS
JUST A BIG FRUIT.

00:23:42.900 --> 00:23:43.967
>> WOW.


00:23:44.067 --> 00:23:45.700
>> AND IF YOU THINK ABOUT
WHAT THE BRAIN LOOKS LIKE,

00:23:45.800 --> 00:23:46.634
IT'S A BIG FRUIT.


00:23:46.734 --> 00:23:47.800
YOU POP IT IN HALF.


00:23:47.900 --> 00:23:49.034
ALL THE NUCLEI
ARE IN THE MIDDLE.

00:23:49.134 --> 00:23:52.468
THAT WORD NUCLEI IS
ACTUALLY LATIN FOR SEED.

00:23:52.568 --> 00:23:53.800
THERE'S SEEDS
IN THE MIDDLE.

00:23:53.900 --> 00:23:55.734
>> WHAT ARE THE
SEEDS AGAIN?

00:23:55.834 --> 00:23:57.201
>> THE NUCLEI
IN YOUR BRAIN,

00:23:57.301 --> 00:23:58.634
THEY'RE JUST LIKE THE
LITTLE CONTROL CENTERS IN

00:23:58.734 --> 00:24:00.901
YOUR BRAIN THAT TELL LIKE
SEND OUT INFORMATION AND

00:24:01.001 --> 00:24:01.934
TELL THINGS WHAT TO DO.


00:24:02.034 --> 00:24:03.601
SO YOUR BRAIN IS
ACTUALLY A BIG FRUIT.

00:24:03.701 --> 00:24:04.601
>> YEAH.


00:24:04.701 --> 00:24:06.034
>> IT'S A FRUIT AT
THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD.

00:24:06.134 --> 00:24:08.934
AND SO IN MY BOOK THERE'S AN
ILLUSTRATION OF THIS NERVE.

00:24:09.034 --> 00:24:10.667
THERE'S AN ILLUSTRATION
OF OUR HEART.

00:24:10.767 --> 00:24:13.134
SO IN GENESIS CHAPTER TWO,
THERE'S A DESCRIPTION OF

00:24:13.234 --> 00:24:14.434
THE GARDEN OF EDEN.


00:24:14.534 --> 00:24:17.000
AND IT SAYS THAT THE
GARDEN WAS PLANTED

00:24:17.100 --> 00:24:18.501
EASTWARD IN EDEN.


00:24:18.601 --> 00:24:21.634
SO IF YOU OPEN YOUR
ARMS LIKE THIS, TRY IT.

00:24:21.734 --> 00:24:22.767
OPEN THEM UP.


00:24:22.867 --> 00:24:24.534
NOW IMAGINE YOU'RE FALLING
BACK ONTO A MAP OF THE

00:24:24.634 --> 00:24:25.768
UNITED STATES.


00:24:25.868 --> 00:24:27.068
>> OKAY.


00:24:27.168 --> 00:24:29.234
>> NEW JERSEY IS
OVER HERE, RIGHT?

00:24:29.334 --> 00:24:30.668
AND CALIFORNIA
IS OVER THERE.

00:24:30.768 --> 00:24:32.034
SO THIS IS YOUR EAST SIDE.


00:24:32.134 --> 00:24:33.467
THAT'S YOUR LEFT HAND.


00:24:33.567 --> 00:24:35.368
BUT WHERE'S YOUR HEART LEAN?


00:24:35.468 --> 00:24:36.801
>> TO YOUR LEFT.


00:24:36.901 --> 00:24:40.034
>> AND HE PLANTED A
GARDEN EASTWARD IN EDEN.

00:24:40.134 --> 00:24:41.134
>> WOW.


00:24:41.234 --> 00:24:42.667
>> AND A RIVER WENT INTO
THE GARDEN TO WATER IT.

00:24:42.767 --> 00:24:44.401
AND WHEN THE RIVER
DEPARTED, IT SAID,

00:24:44.501 --> 00:24:47.500
THE BIBLE SAYS THAT THE RIVER
DIVIDES INTO FOUR HEADS.

00:24:47.600 --> 00:24:49.834
WHEN YOUR AORTA, WHICH IS
THE LARGEST BLOOD VESSEL

00:24:49.934 --> 00:24:51.734
YOU HAVE, COMES UP
OUT OF THE HEART,

00:24:51.834 --> 00:24:56.034
IT SPLITS OFF INTO FOUR
SPACES AND FLOWS AROUND

00:24:56.134 --> 00:24:57.367
THE REST OF YOUR BODY.


00:24:57.467 --> 00:25:01.367
THIS IS LITERALLY
THE GARDEN OF EDEN.

00:25:01.467 --> 00:25:02.867
IT'S WHERE GOD WALKS.


00:25:02.967 --> 00:25:04.000
IT'S WHERE HE MEETS YOU.


00:25:04.100 --> 00:25:06.001
IT'S WHERE HIS
VOICE IS HEARD.

00:25:06.101 --> 00:25:07.600
IT'S WHERE YOU BELIEVE.


00:25:07.700 --> 00:25:11.301
AND SO OUR BODY, THERE'S
A MAP, A BIOLOGICAL MAP.

00:25:11.401 --> 00:25:12.500
SO I BELIEVE THAT
EDEN WAS LITERAL.

00:25:12.600 --> 00:25:14.100
I'M NOT SAYING THE
BIBLE'S NOT LITERAL.

00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:17.534
AND ALSO THERE'S A MAP
OF OUR BIOLOGY IN THERE.

00:25:17.634 --> 00:25:19.834
SO NOT ONLY DO THOSE
NEURONS LOOK LIKE PLANTS,

00:25:19.934 --> 00:25:21.467
THAT'S JUST THE
BEGINNING OF THE GARDEN.

00:25:21.567 --> 00:25:23.167
THE RIVERS ARE
FLOWING OUT.

00:25:23.267 --> 00:25:24.034
EVERYTHING IS IN THERE.


00:25:24.134 --> 00:25:26.734
AND OUR BODIES
ARE SO PHENOMENAL.

00:25:26.834 --> 00:25:29.734
AND SO IF A SEED WAS
PLANTED IN THAT GARDEN,

00:25:29.834 --> 00:25:32.268
THAT VAGUS NERVE ACTUALLY
THEN LOOKS LIKE A TREE.

00:25:32.368 --> 00:25:33.768
IT'S A TREE OF LIFE.


00:25:33.868 --> 00:25:35.434
AND WHEN THAT
THING IS ACTIVE,

00:25:35.534 --> 00:25:37.767
OUR BODIES ARE HEALTHIER,
OUR EMOTIONS ARE MORE

00:25:37.867 --> 00:25:40.467
BALANCED, OUR
MINDS ARE CLEARER.

00:25:40.567 --> 00:25:41.767
IT'S LIFE.


00:25:41.867 --> 00:25:44.034
THERE IS EVEN RESEARCH
SHOWING THAT PEOPLE WHO

00:25:44.134 --> 00:25:47.467
STRUGGLE WITH
TREATMENT-RESISTANT DEPRESSION,

00:25:47.567 --> 00:25:50.934
ACCOMPANIED BY
PERSISTENT-SUICIDAL IDEATION,

00:25:51.034 --> 00:25:53.901
THAT ELECTORAL, ELECTRICAL
STIMULATION OF THAT TREE

00:25:54.001 --> 00:25:58.401
OF LIFE CAN HELP RESOLVE
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

00:25:58.501 --> 00:26:00.167
SO WHEN THAT TREE OF
LIFE, THAT VAGUS NERVE IS

00:26:00.267 --> 00:26:05.201
OFFLINE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
PROLIFERATE DEATH.

00:26:05.301 --> 00:26:07.767
BUT WHEN THAT TREE
OF LIFE IS ACTIVE,

00:26:07.867 --> 00:26:10.134
THOUGHTS OF
DEATH DECREASE.

00:26:10.234 --> 00:26:12.300
OUR BODIES ARE MIRACLES.


00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:13.901
AND SO THAT'S WHY I SAID
EARLIER IT'S NOT ABOUT

00:26:14.001 --> 00:26:16.234
INTEGRATING, IT'S
ABOUT TRANSLATING.

00:26:16.334 --> 00:26:18.934
SO ONCE I FIND THIS
BIOLOGY IN SCRIPTURE,

00:26:19.034 --> 00:26:20.967
THEN THAT SENDS ME
INTO THE SCIENCE.

00:26:21.067 --> 00:26:23.234
TEACH ME MORE ABOUT WHAT
YOU HAVE LEARNED ABOUT

00:26:23.334 --> 00:26:24.567
THIS TREE OF LIFE.


00:26:24.667 --> 00:26:25.901
BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT
IT IS.

00:26:26.001 --> 00:26:26.634
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:26:26.734 --> 00:26:27.600
>> YEAH.


00:26:27.700 --> 00:26:28.867
>> AND SO WHEN WE TALK
ABOUT REGULATION,

00:26:28.967 --> 00:26:30.834
ALL THAT TO GET BACK TO THIS
BECAUSE WE GOT TO UNDERSTAND

00:26:30.934 --> 00:26:32.134
WELLNESS BEFORE WE
GO ILLNESS.

00:26:32.234 --> 00:26:33.267
>> YEAH.


00:26:33.367 --> 00:26:36.901
>> WELLNESS IS THE, THE EVEN
FLOW OF THE GARDEN.

00:26:37.001 --> 00:26:40.434
WATER RUSHES, WATER SLOWS
DOWN, THINGS FLOURISH.

00:26:40.534 --> 00:26:42.568
AND THEN THERE ARE
SEASONS OF QUIET.

00:26:42.668 --> 00:26:45.001
WE'RE NOT POPPING FRUIT
24/7 IN EVERY AREA

00:26:45.101 --> 00:26:46.201
OF OUR LIFE, RIGHT?


00:26:46.301 --> 00:26:48.934
SO THERE'S SYSTEMS
AND REGULATION.

00:26:49.034 --> 00:26:52.767
WHEN I AM REGULATED, THAT
DOESN'T MEAN I'M CALM.

00:26:52.867 --> 00:26:56.100
IT MEANS THAT I CAN
RIDE THE WAVES OF LIFE.

00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:58.301
I CAN HANDLE
GETTING UPSET,

00:26:58.401 --> 00:27:02.267
AND IT DOESN'T TAKE ME
FOUR DAYS TO CALM DOWN.

00:27:02.367 --> 00:27:03.201
>> WOW.


00:27:03.301 --> 00:27:04.434
>> THAT'S WHAT WE
MEAN BY REGULATION.

00:27:04.534 --> 00:27:06.167
IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO GET SAD.

00:27:06.267 --> 00:27:07.967
IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO GET MAD.

00:27:08.067 --> 00:27:11.500
IT MEANS THAT I
WON'T GET STUCK.

00:27:11.600 --> 00:27:12.634
>> WOW.


00:27:12.734 --> 00:27:15.100
AND I THINK THE THING THAT
STICKS OUT SO POWERFULLY

00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:17.434
TO ME IS THAT IF THIS
IS WHERE JESUS WANTS TO

00:27:17.534 --> 00:27:19.301
COMMUNE WITH US,
IS IN THE HEART.

00:27:19.401 --> 00:27:22.534
SO WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF
THE HEART AND CULTIVATE.

00:27:22.634 --> 00:27:24.334
>> AND WE HAVE TO BE
EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE

00:27:24.434 --> 00:27:26.201
AND CULTIVATE THAT SPACE.


00:27:26.301 --> 00:27:29.034
IN THE BOOK OF LUKE, THE
PARABLE OF THE SOWERS ALSO

00:27:29.134 --> 00:27:30.268
TOLD MATTHEW AND LUKE.


00:27:30.368 --> 00:27:31.600
IN THE BOOK OF LUKE,


00:27:31.700 --> 00:27:34.468
IT ACTUALLY SAYS THAT WHEN
THE SEEDS FALL INTO THE

00:27:34.568 --> 00:27:38.634
GOOD GROUND, THAT
THAT PERSON BELIEVED.

00:27:38.734 --> 00:27:41.967
AND SO WE DON'T EVEN
BELIEVE WITHOUT OUR

00:27:42.067 --> 00:27:44.968
EMOTIONAL LIFE BEING
CONGRUENT WITH THE WORD

00:27:45.068 --> 00:27:46.101
THAT'S SPOKEN.


00:27:46.201 --> 00:27:47.167
THAT'S WHY SOMEONE CAN SAY
SOMETHING TO YOU AND YOU

00:27:47.267 --> 00:27:48.001
DON'T BELIEVE IT.


00:27:48.101 --> 00:27:48.868
YOU DON'T NEED TO
CHECK THE FACTS.

00:27:48.968 --> 00:27:49.434
>> YEAH.


00:27:49.534 --> 00:27:49.867
>> YOU JUST DON'T,


00:27:49.967 --> 00:27:51.068
I'M SORRY.


00:27:51.168 --> 00:27:51.968
THERE'S NOTHING IN ME THAT
ALLOWS ME TO BELIEVE THAT.

00:27:52.068 --> 00:27:53.001
EMOTIONALLY, YOU'RE
NOT AVAILABLE

00:27:53.101 --> 00:27:54.067
TO THE INFORMATION.


00:27:54.167 --> 00:27:55.834
IT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN THE
INFORMATION IS WRONG.

00:27:55.934 --> 00:27:58.201
IT MEANS YOU'RE NOT
AVAILABLE TO IT IN ANY WAY.

00:27:58.301 --> 00:27:59.101
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:27:59.201 --> 00:27:59.901
>> YEAH.


00:28:00.001 --> 00:28:00.801
SO BREAK DOWN
THE METAPHOR.

00:28:00.901 --> 00:28:02.401
SO WHAT IS THE SOIL?


00:28:02.501 --> 00:28:05.268
WHAT IS THE SEEDS FOR
THE GARDEN ANALOGY?

00:28:05.368 --> 00:28:07.301
>> SEED, SOIL,
PLANT, FRUIT.

00:28:07.401 --> 00:28:08.201
>> OKAY.


00:28:08.301 --> 00:28:12.001
WORDS, EMOTIONS,
THOUGHTS, BEHAVIOR.

00:28:12.101 --> 00:28:14.768
THE WORD HAS TO
FALL INTO THE SOIL.

00:28:14.868 --> 00:28:17.434
THERE HAS TO BE A SEED
SOIL MATCH FOR A PLANT TO

00:28:17.534 --> 00:28:18.567
START TO GROW.


00:28:18.667 --> 00:28:22.301
THERE HAS TO BE A WORD
HEART MATCH FOR A BELIEF

00:28:22.401 --> 00:28:23.268
TO COME TO LIFE.


00:28:23.368 --> 00:28:23.734
>> YEAH.


00:28:23.834 --> 00:28:24.167
THAT'S TRUE.


00:28:24.267 --> 00:28:25.334
>> SO I'M --


00:28:25.434 --> 00:28:26.634
>> THAT'S WHY YOU CAN HEAR
SOMETHING ALL DAY LONG,

00:28:26.734 --> 00:28:27.667
BUT YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT.


00:28:27.767 --> 00:28:28.300
THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE
REFERRING TO EARLIER.

00:28:28.400 --> 00:28:29.134
>> RIGHT, EXACTLY.


00:28:29.234 --> 00:28:30.000
SO I ALWAYS USE
THIS EXAMPLE.

00:28:30.100 --> 00:28:31.634
LIKE WHEN MY
KIDS WERE SMALL,

00:28:31.734 --> 00:28:33.601
I WAS SCARED I'D
BE A BAD MOTHER.

00:28:33.701 --> 00:28:34.634
AND IF ANYONE
HAD SAID TO ME,

00:28:34.734 --> 00:28:35.901
I THINK YOU'RE
A BAD MOTHER,

00:28:36.001 --> 00:28:38.168
THAT SEED WOULD HAVE
TAKEN ROOT AND GROWN

00:28:38.268 --> 00:28:38.901
BECAUSE I WAS --


00:28:39.001 --> 00:28:39.534
>> YOU ALREADY BELIEVED.


00:28:39.634 --> 00:28:41.000
>> EMOTIONALLY AFRAID.


00:28:41.100 --> 00:28:42.300
SO FEAR WOULD HAVE
MET THAT WORD,

00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:43.334
NO PROBLEM.


00:28:43.434 --> 00:28:45.334
BUT I TURNED OUT TO
BE A REALLY GOOD MOM.

00:28:45.434 --> 00:28:46.434
I'M EXCELLENT.


00:28:46.534 --> 00:28:47.501
I'M NOT PERFECT.


00:28:47.601 --> 00:28:48.101
I'VE NOT,


00:28:48.201 --> 00:28:48.801
I'VE MADE MISTAKES.


00:28:48.901 --> 00:28:50.001
BUT I APOLOGIZE WHEN I DO.


00:28:50.101 --> 00:28:51.368
AND THAT'S ONE OF THE
THINGS THAT MAKES ME GOOD.

00:28:51.468 --> 00:28:52.368
SO I'M A GREAT MOM.


00:28:52.468 --> 00:28:53.701
IF SOMEONE CAME
TO ME NOW IS LIKE,

00:28:53.801 --> 00:28:54.634
I THINK YOU'RE A BAD MOM.


00:28:54.734 --> 00:28:55.868
I'D BE LIKE, WHO
ARE YOU TALKING TO?

00:28:55.968 --> 00:28:56.501
>> YEAH.


00:28:56.601 --> 00:28:57.268
>> YOU'RE TALKING TO ME?


00:28:57.368 --> 00:28:58.467
BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING IN


00:28:58.567 --> 00:29:03.068
MY HEART SOIL THAT'S FERTILE
GROUND FOR THAT WORD.

00:29:03.168 --> 00:29:05.034
THERE HAS TO BE A
SEED SOIL MATCH.

00:29:05.134 --> 00:29:07.501
AND SO THE WORDS
FALL IN THE HEART.

00:29:07.601 --> 00:29:10.768
IF THEY BECOME A BELIEF,
THEN THOUGHTS SPRING FROM THAT

00:29:10.868 --> 00:29:12.768
AND THEN DECISIONS
BECOME THE FRUIT.

00:29:12.868 --> 00:29:14.834
SEED, SOIL, PLANT, FRUIT.


00:29:14.934 --> 00:29:19.434
WORDS, EMOTIONS,
THOUGHTS, BEHAVIOR.

00:29:19.534 --> 00:29:20.300
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:21.267
IT'S SUPER SIMPLE.


00:29:21.367 --> 00:29:23.434
AND THE BOOK LAYS IT
OUT REALLY SIMPLY.

00:29:23.534 --> 00:29:25.601
WE'VE BEEN TAUGHT TO THINK
ABOUT ALL THESE HARD THINGS.

00:29:25.701 --> 00:29:27.167
JUST CHECK YOURSELF
WITH THE GARDEN.

00:29:27.267 --> 00:29:29.001
IF YOU GO BACK TO, OH,
I FEEL THIS WAY

00:29:29.101 --> 00:29:30.734
BECAUSE OF MY THOUGHTS.


00:29:30.834 --> 00:29:32.168
PLANTS DON'T MAKE SOIL.


00:29:32.268 --> 00:29:33.334
>> YEAH.


00:29:33.434 --> 00:29:35.368
IS THE WORD WHAT PEOPLE
ARE SPEAKING TO YOU OR ARE

00:29:35.468 --> 00:29:36.534
YOU THINKING LIKE
THE WORD OF GOD?

00:29:36.634 --> 00:29:37.034
>> ALL WORDS.


00:29:37.134 --> 00:29:38.067
>> ALL THE WORDS.


00:29:38.167 --> 00:29:38.867
>> ALL WORDS ARE SEEDS.


00:29:38.967 --> 00:29:39.701
SO THE WORD OF GOD


00:29:39.801 --> 00:29:40.601
IS A SEED.


00:29:40.701 --> 00:29:41.801
>> SO THESE ARE LIKE THE
EXPERIENCES.

00:29:41.901 --> 00:29:44.034
>> THE WORDS WE
SPEAK TO OURSELVES.

00:29:44.134 --> 00:29:46.667
SO I CAN THINK OF PAINFUL
CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES.

00:29:46.767 --> 00:29:48.534
I SURVIVED A LOT OF
TRAUMA IN MY LIFE.

00:29:48.634 --> 00:29:52.467
AND AS A RESULT OF ONE
TRAUMA THAT I EXPERIENCED,

00:29:52.567 --> 00:29:55.767
I CAME TO THE
CONCLUSION AS A CHILD,

00:29:55.867 --> 00:29:58.368
PEOPLE ONLY LOVE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE GOOD.

00:29:58.468 --> 00:29:59.334
>> YEAH.


00:29:59.434 --> 00:30:00.500
>> I CAME TO
THAT CONCLUSION.

00:30:00.600 --> 00:30:03.501
SO I WAS, IT WAS A
LEGITIMATE CONCLUSION FOR

00:30:03.601 --> 00:30:05.667
A KID WHO HAD THE
EXPERIENCES THAT I HAD.

00:30:05.767 --> 00:30:10.100
BUT THOSE WERE SEEDS
FROM MY, MY CONCLUSION,

00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:13.701
THOSE WORDS, I TOOK ROOT,
AND IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME

00:30:13.801 --> 00:30:15.900
AS AN ADULT TO
UPROOT THAT, RIGHT?

00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:18.701
SO THAT'S PART OF HOW WE HAVE
TO WORK ON HEALING TRAUMA.

00:30:18.801 --> 00:30:22.034
BECAUSE TRAUMA
CHANGES NOT ONLY

00:30:22.134 --> 00:30:23.334
OUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSES,


00:30:23.434 --> 00:30:25.268
TRAUMA CHANGES HOW OUR
NERVOUS SYSTEM WORKS.

00:30:25.368 --> 00:30:26.268
>> YEAH.


00:30:26.368 --> 00:30:27.368
>> BUT ONE OF THE
EASIEST WAYS TO KNOW IF

00:30:27.468 --> 00:30:31.967
SOMETHING TRAUMATIZED YOU
IS THAT TRAUMA CHANGES

00:30:32.067 --> 00:30:36.501
WHAT WE BELIEVE ABOUT
OURSELVES, OTHER PEOPLE,

00:30:36.601 --> 00:30:41.867
GOD OR THE WORLD FOR
THE WORSE, FOR GOOD.

00:30:41.967 --> 00:30:42.967
SO IF YOU HAVE A,


00:30:43.067 --> 00:30:46.834
EVER SINCE THEN I
DIDN'T BELIEVE IN X,

00:30:46.934 --> 00:30:48.868
OR EVER SINCE THEN
I'VE BEEN AFRAID OF.

00:30:48.968 --> 00:30:51.800
OR WHEN I GROW UP, I'LL
NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN TO

00:30:51.900 --> 00:30:54.168
ME BECAUSE THAT'S
A BAD PERSON.

00:30:54.268 --> 00:30:56.068
YOU MIGHT HAVE A
TRAUMA RIGHT THERE.

00:30:56.168 --> 00:30:57.001
>> YEAH.


00:30:57.101 --> 00:30:58.401
>> IT CHANGES THE
WAY WE BELIEVE ABOUT

00:30:58.501 --> 00:31:00.434
OURSELVES, GOD, THE WORLD
OR OTHER PEOPLE FOR THE

00:31:00.534 --> 00:31:02.634
WORSE, FOR GOOD.


00:31:02.734 --> 00:31:05.434
AND PART OF THE HEALING
PROCESS IS HEALING

00:31:05.534 --> 00:31:06.834
WHAT WE BELIEVE.


00:31:06.934 --> 00:31:08.234
>> SO THAT'S
ALMOST LIKE A WEED.

00:31:08.334 --> 00:31:09.901
>> YES.


00:31:10.001 --> 00:31:11.234
>> SO THAT'S WHAT
WE GOT TO PULL OUT.

00:31:11.334 --> 00:31:14.201
SO WHAT, WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE
ON DEALING WITH TRAUMA?

00:31:14.301 --> 00:31:15.334
>> YEAH.


00:31:15.434 --> 00:31:19.834
SO TRAUMA HEALING FIRST
BEGINS WITH ACKNOWLEDGING

00:31:19.934 --> 00:31:21.701
THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED.


00:31:21.801 --> 00:31:24.667
AND A LOT OF TIMES WE
DON'T WANT TO REALLY LOOK

00:31:24.767 --> 00:31:28.201
SQUARELY AT THE DAMAGE
THAT WE EXPERIENCED

00:31:28.301 --> 00:31:29.001
BECAUSE WE DON'T --


00:31:29.101 --> 00:31:29.801
>> IT'S A HARD
PILL TO SWALLOW.

00:31:29.901 --> 00:31:31.534
>> IT'S A HARD
PILL TO SWALLOW.

00:31:31.634 --> 00:31:33.268
IT'S LIKE, WELL, I DON'T
WANT TO BE A VICTIM.

00:31:33.368 --> 00:31:35.034
WELL, NOT EVERYTHING
IS ABOUT THAT.

00:31:35.134 --> 00:31:36.967
ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO
PROTECT OURSELVES FROM

00:31:37.067 --> 00:31:40.700
COMING INTO CONTACT WITH
THE FRAGILITY THAT IS PART

00:31:40.800 --> 00:31:42.634
OF BEING A HUMAN.


00:31:42.734 --> 00:31:44.300
BECAUSE IF I ADMIT
I WAS BROKEN,

00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:46.600
I HAVE TO ADMIT
I'M BREAKABLE.

00:31:46.700 --> 00:31:48.268
AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL
A LITTLE LESS SAFE FOR

00:31:48.368 --> 00:31:49.567
A WHILE, RIGHT?


00:31:49.667 --> 00:31:50.967
BUT WE ARE BREAKABLE.


00:31:51.067 --> 00:31:53.467
AND SO I'M HEALING
FROM TRAUMA

00:31:53.567 --> 00:31:58.568
STARTS WITH ACKNOWLEDGING
THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME.

00:31:58.668 --> 00:32:00.934
SOMETHING HAPPENED
THAT CHANGED MY SHAPE.

00:32:01.034 --> 00:32:03.767
I WOULD SAY TRAUMA
DOESN'T MAKE YOU,

00:32:03.867 --> 00:32:05.634
BUT IT CAN SHAPE YOU.


00:32:05.734 --> 00:32:08.001
AND SO I'M NATURALLY
INTROVERTED,

00:32:08.101 --> 00:32:10.034
BUT SOME OF MY TRAUMATIC
EXPERIENCES MADE MY

00:32:10.134 --> 00:32:13.367
INTROVERSION GET
WAY OUT OF BALANCE.

00:32:13.467 --> 00:32:15.168
IT TOOK ME OUT OF
BALANCE, RIGHT?

00:32:15.268 --> 00:32:17.467
AND SO ACKNOWLEDGING
WHAT HAPPENED,

00:32:17.567 --> 00:32:19.534
TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU
KNOW AND UNDERSTAND IT,

00:32:19.634 --> 00:32:21.901
IS REALLY YOUR
FIRST STEP.

00:32:22.001 --> 00:32:25.634
AND THEN YOU NEED
SAFE SPACE TO HEAL.

00:32:25.734 --> 00:32:28.201
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE
HAVEN'T ESTABLISHED

00:32:28.301 --> 00:32:29.567
SAFE SPACES TO HEAL.


00:32:29.667 --> 00:32:31.168
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T HEAL
YOUR BROKEN LEG BY GOING

00:32:31.268 --> 00:32:32.734
ON A RUN EVERY DAY.


00:32:32.834 --> 00:32:35.001
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED
TO GET SOME SAFETY.

00:32:35.101 --> 00:32:37.567
AND SOMETIMES THAT
MEANS STEPPING OUT OF

00:32:37.667 --> 00:32:40.468
RELATIONSHIPS THAT
ARE RE-INJURING YOU.

00:32:40.568 --> 00:32:42.267
AND SO IT'S DIFFICULT TO
HEAL WHILE YOU'RE BEING

00:32:42.367 --> 00:32:43.968
BROKEN OVER
AND OVER AGAIN.

00:32:44.068 --> 00:32:45.101
>> YEAH.


00:32:45.201 --> 00:32:47.934
>> SO YOU MAY NEED TO GET
SOME BOUNDARIES AND SPACE

00:32:48.034 --> 00:32:50.168
FROM PLACES, PEOPLE,
PLACES AND THINGS THAT

00:32:50.268 --> 00:32:52.568
RE-INJURE YOU.


00:32:52.668 --> 00:32:54.567
SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
INJURED IN CHURCH.

00:32:54.667 --> 00:32:55.101
>> OH YEAH.


00:32:55.201 --> 00:32:55.734
>> RIGHT?


00:32:55.834 --> 00:32:56.934
SO WHAT DO PEOPLE DO?


00:32:57.034 --> 00:33:00.701
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES PEOPLE
MIGHT NEED TO GO TO CHURCH

00:33:00.801 --> 00:33:02.600
ONLINE FOR A LITTLE WHILE,
OR MAYBE THEY GO TO A

00:33:02.700 --> 00:33:05.368
DIFFERENT CHURCH WHERE
THEIR BODY'S NOT BEING

00:33:05.468 --> 00:33:09.068
TRIGGERED BY EVERY SINGLE
THING IN THE SPACE.

00:33:09.168 --> 00:33:10.701
IT COULD BE A
RELATIONSHIP SAFETY,

00:33:10.801 --> 00:33:11.368
IT COULD BE A
NEIGHBORHOOD,

00:33:11.468 --> 00:33:13.167
BUT GET SOME SAFETY.


00:33:13.267 --> 00:33:18.434
AND THEN THE NEXT STEP IS
TO START TALKING ABOUT IT,

00:33:18.534 --> 00:33:19.668
TO START TALKING ABOUT IT.


00:33:19.768 --> 00:33:20.667
AND WHETHER THAT'S WITH A


00:33:20.767 --> 00:33:23.034
GOOD FRIEND WHO YOU
AREN'T AFRAID OF,

00:33:23.134 --> 00:33:25.300
A THERAPIST WHOSE
JOB IT IS TO LISTEN,

00:33:25.400 --> 00:33:28.167
AND WE'RE DYING TO
LISTEN AND HELP YOU.

00:33:28.267 --> 00:33:29.534
IT COULD BE STARTING
TO JOURNAL.

00:33:29.634 --> 00:33:32.967
SOMETIMES PEOPLE HAVE NEVER
SHARED IT OUTSIDE OF THEMSELVES,

00:33:33.067 --> 00:33:35.767
BUT WE HAVE TO
START SPEAKING,

00:33:35.867 --> 00:33:38.567
AND PREFERABLY EVENTUALLY,
A THERAPIST WHO CAN KIND

00:33:38.667 --> 00:33:40.434
OF HELP YOU FROM THERE.


00:33:40.534 --> 00:33:42.534
BUT THOSE ARE THOSE
EARLY STEPS:

00:33:42.634 --> 00:33:47.234
ACKNOWLEDGMENT, SAFETY, VOICE.


00:33:47.334 --> 00:33:48.734
>> AND SO REALLY, YOU
SHOULD NOT BE TRYING TO

00:33:48.834 --> 00:33:50.634
DIG INTO HEALING


00:33:50.734 --> 00:33:53.001
IF YOU'RE NOT
IN A SAFE PLACE.

00:33:53.101 --> 00:33:54.467
>> IT WILL BE DIFFICULT.


00:33:54.567 --> 00:33:56.067
>> BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST
GOING TO GET RE-TRIGGERED.

00:33:56.167 --> 00:33:58.901
>> UM, YOU'RE GOING TO
EXPERIENCE TRIGGERS IN THE

00:33:59.001 --> 00:34:01.801
COURSE OF YOUR HEALING,
BUT IT WILL REQUIRE SOME

00:34:01.901 --> 00:34:05.168
SAFE SPACE IN ORDER FOR
YOU TO ULTIMATELY MAKE IT THERE.

00:34:05.268 --> 00:34:05.901
YEAH, YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO MAKE

00:34:06.001 --> 00:34:07.134
A LITTLE SAFE SPACE.


00:34:07.234 --> 00:34:08.867
HEALING IS NOT LIKE
THANKSGIVING DINNER.

00:34:08.967 --> 00:34:10.168
I'M JUST GOING TO PILE
MORE FOOD ON TOP OF MORE

00:34:10.268 --> 00:34:11.467
FOOD ON TOP OF MORE FOOD.


00:34:11.567 --> 00:34:13.534
I NEED SOME SPACE
ON THIS PLATE,

00:34:13.634 --> 00:34:14.434
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?


00:34:14.534 --> 00:34:16.667
AND THAT COULD
MEAN, I DON'T KNOW,

00:34:16.767 --> 00:34:18.834
VOLUNTEERING FOR ONE LESS
THING AND KEEPING TWO

00:34:18.934 --> 00:34:20.534
HOURS TO YOURSELF A WEEK.


00:34:20.634 --> 00:34:21.667
>> YEAH.


00:34:21.767 --> 00:34:25.168
>> YOU KNOW, AND SOMETIMES
IT'S JUST ABOUT LIMITING

00:34:25.268 --> 00:34:27.201
THE DAMAGE UNTIL YOU
HAVE MORE TIME

00:34:27.301 --> 00:34:28.701
TO WORK ON HEALING.


00:34:28.801 --> 00:34:32.301
BUT GETTING A LITTLE SAFE
SPACE, EVEN A LITTLE,

00:34:32.401 --> 00:34:34.468
CAN BE A REALLY
IMPORTANT START.

00:34:34.568 --> 00:34:37.734
>> WHAT IF SOMEONE HAS A
SITUATION WHERE THEY'RE

00:34:37.834 --> 00:34:40.267
BEING HURT, BUT THERE'S
NOTHING THAT THEY CAN DO

00:34:40.367 --> 00:34:44.701
TO CHANGE THE PERSON THAT'S
INFLICTING THE PAIN?

00:34:44.801 --> 00:34:46.301
>> YEAH.


00:34:46.401 --> 00:34:47.500
>> BECAUSE WE CAN'T
CHANGE PEOPLE.

00:34:47.600 --> 00:34:49.234
>> NO, THIS ISN'T
ABOUT CHANGING PEOPLE.

00:34:49.334 --> 00:34:50.067
>> YEAH.


00:34:50.167 --> 00:34:50.568
>> THIS IS ABOUT
HEALING YOURSELF.

00:34:50.668 --> 00:34:51.601
>> YEAH.


00:34:51.701 --> 00:34:54.301
>> AND I WOULD ENCOURAGE
THAT PERSON, PLEASE,

00:34:54.401 --> 00:34:58.701
PLEASE GET TO A THERAPIST
BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT

00:34:58.801 --> 00:34:59.801
REALLY IS TRUE,


00:34:59.901 --> 00:35:04.234
I AM NOT ABLE TO GET OUT
OF A SPACE WITH SOMEONE

00:35:04.334 --> 00:35:05.401
WHO'S WOUNDING ME.


00:35:05.501 --> 00:35:07.301
SOMETIMES THAT'S TRUE,


00:35:07.401 --> 00:35:11.534
BUT IT'S A LOT MORE
RARE THAN WE THINK.

00:35:11.634 --> 00:35:13.400
A LOT OF TIMES WE STAY IN
RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE

00:35:13.500 --> 00:35:16.601
UNHEALTHY BECAUSE
WE'RE AFRAID TO LEAVE.

00:35:16.701 --> 00:35:20.034
WE FEEL OBLIGATED,
OR WE FEEL GUILTY.

00:35:20.134 --> 00:35:23.934
AND FEAR, OBLIGATION AND
GUILT ARE NOT GOOD REASONS

00:35:24.034 --> 00:35:25.967
TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.


00:35:26.067 --> 00:35:29.067
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, AND
ESPECIALLY IN CHRISTIAN

00:35:29.167 --> 00:35:33.334
SPACES, SOMETIMES THOSE
THINGS MASQUERADE AS LOVE,

00:35:33.434 --> 00:35:35.334
OBEDIENCE, AND
FORGIVENESS.

00:35:35.434 --> 00:35:36.134
>> YEAH.


00:35:36.234 --> 00:35:37.701
>> AND THEY'RE
NOT THE SAME.

00:35:37.801 --> 00:35:39.268
THEY'RE NOT THE SAME.


00:35:39.368 --> 00:35:43.367
AND SO, YEAH, TALK
TO A THERAPIST.

00:35:43.467 --> 00:35:44.667
SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE ABLE
TO HELP YOU PEEL THAT

00:35:44.767 --> 00:35:47.967
APART AND START TO FIND
CERTAIN BOUNDARIES THAT

00:35:48.067 --> 00:35:49.267
YOU CAN SET.


00:35:49.367 --> 00:35:51.600
MAYBE YOU CAN'T GET AWAY
FROM A PARTICULAR FAMILY

00:35:51.700 --> 00:35:55.234
MEMBER, BUT YOU
CAN LEARN TO SAY,

00:35:55.334 --> 00:36:00.268
WHEN YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY,
I WILL LEAVE THE ROOM.

00:36:00.368 --> 00:36:01.368
>> YEAH.


00:36:01.468 --> 00:36:03.367
>> I CAN'T STOP YOU FROM
BEING VERBALLY ABUSIVE IF

00:36:03.467 --> 00:36:04.534
YOU WANT TO MAKE
THAT CHOICE,

00:36:04.634 --> 00:36:07.834
BUT I CAN STOP MYSELF
FROM BEING ABUSED.

00:36:07.934 --> 00:36:09.268
SO WHEN YOU IF YOU
CONTINUE TO INSIST ON

00:36:09.368 --> 00:36:11.167
SPEAKING TO ME THAT
WAY WHEN IT STARTS,

00:36:11.267 --> 00:36:14.068
I'M JUST GOING TO STAND UP
AND WALK OUT OF THE ROOM.

00:36:14.168 --> 00:36:15.901
AND THEN THE NEXT
TIME THEY DO IT,

00:36:16.001 --> 00:36:18.368
STAND UP AND WALK
OUT OF THE ROOM.

00:36:18.468 --> 00:36:20.101
AND I THINK THAT'S WHERE
PEOPLE FEEL CHALLENGED.

00:36:20.201 --> 00:36:21.767
BECAUSE THEY MAY SAY, HEY,
PLEASE DON'T SPEAK TO ME

00:36:21.867 --> 00:36:22.668
LIKE THAT.


00:36:22.768 --> 00:36:23.934
BUT THAT'S NOT
SETTING A BOUNDARY,

00:36:24.034 --> 00:36:26.067
THAT'S EXPRESSING
A PREFERENCE.

00:36:26.167 --> 00:36:27.834
I WOULD PREFER YOU DON'T
SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY.

00:36:27.934 --> 00:36:30.500
A BOUNDARY IS ACTIONABLE.


00:36:30.600 --> 00:36:32.301
I'VE ASKED YOU NOT TO
SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY.

00:36:32.401 --> 00:36:34.467
IF YOU CONTINUE TO
SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY,

00:36:34.567 --> 00:36:38.401
I WILL LEAVE RATHER THAN
BE SPOKEN TO THAT WAY.

00:36:38.501 --> 00:36:39.034
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:36:39.134 --> 00:36:39.434
>> YEAH.


00:36:39.534 --> 00:36:40.467
>> YEAH.


00:36:40.567 --> 00:36:42.268
>> AND WHAT ARE WHAT
WERE SOME, SOME TIPS FOR

00:36:42.368 --> 00:36:44.534
REGULATING YOUR
NERVOUS SYSTEM?

00:36:44.634 --> 00:36:46.134
>> SO REGULATING YOUR
NERVOUS SYSTEM IS ABOUT

00:36:46.234 --> 00:36:48.634
HEALING THAT
DYSREGULATION.

00:36:48.734 --> 00:36:49.534
AND IT HAPPENS OVER TIME.


00:36:49.601 --> 00:36:50.134
>> OKAY.


00:36:50.234 --> 00:36:50.967
>> OKAY, SO THAT'S ONE


00:36:51.067 --> 00:36:52.434
OF THE THINGS I THINK
A LITTLE

00:36:52.534 --> 00:36:54.834
BIT OF POP PSYCHOLOGY HAS
GOTTEN A HOLD OF THAT.

00:36:54.934 --> 00:36:55.834
ALL YOU GOT TO
DO IS REGULATE.

00:36:55.934 --> 00:36:57.400
TAKE FIVE DEEP BREATHS
AND YOU'LL BE FINE

00:36:57.500 --> 00:36:59.368
AND PEOPLE ARE
HYPERVENTILATING INSTEAD.

00:36:59.468 --> 00:37:02.234
AND SO WHEN IT
COMES TO REGULATION,

00:37:02.334 --> 00:37:03.234
IT'S HEALING OVER TIME.


00:37:03.334 --> 00:37:04.834
JUST LIKE BREAKING
A LEG,

00:37:04.934 --> 00:37:07.000
IT TAKES TIME TO HEAL
YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:37:07.100 --> 00:37:08.667
HERE ARE SOME EARLY
THINGS YOU CAN DO.

00:37:08.767 --> 00:37:12.101
FIRST OF ALL, TAKE BETTER
CARE OF YOUR BODY.

00:37:12.201 --> 00:37:15.301
I USE THE ACRONYM BED,
B-E-D GO TO BED.

00:37:15.401 --> 00:37:16.934
B LITERALLY GO TO BED.


00:37:17.034 --> 00:37:17.900
>> YEAH.


00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:19.700
>> WHEN YOU AREN'T
GETTING ENOUGH REST,

00:37:19.800 --> 00:37:22.668
YOU WILL HAVE A
DIFFICULT TIME

00:37:22.768 --> 00:37:24.034
HEALING YOUR NERVOUS
SYSTEM.

00:37:24.134 --> 00:37:25.734
EVERYBODY KNOWS WE LOSE
OUR TEMPER MORE QUICKLY

00:37:25.834 --> 00:37:26.534
WHEN WE'RE TIRED.


00:37:26.634 --> 00:37:27.367
I MEAN, YOU
KNOW IT, RIGHT?

00:37:27.467 --> 00:37:28.867
SO, BUT IT'S SUCH
A BASIC THING.

00:37:28.967 --> 00:37:31.434
BUT SO MANY PEOPLE ARE
CUTTING ON SLEEP TO GET

00:37:31.534 --> 00:37:32.867
OTHER THINGS DONE.


00:37:32.967 --> 00:37:33.967
FOR 30 DAYS,


00:37:34.067 --> 00:37:36.201
I CHALLENGE ANYONE TO
PRIORITIZE THEIR SLEEP,

00:37:36.301 --> 00:37:37.434
BECOME A MANIAC ABOUT IT.


00:37:37.534 --> 00:37:38.434
I'M GOING TO BED.


00:37:38.534 --> 00:37:39.434
I'M GOING TO GET SIX
HOURS, SEVEN HOURS,

00:37:39.534 --> 00:37:40.500
EIGHT HOURS.


00:37:40.600 --> 00:37:42.201
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIVING
ON FOUR, SO GO TO BED.

00:37:42.301 --> 00:37:43.201
WE NEED SLEEP.


00:37:43.301 --> 00:37:45.568
THE E STANDS FOR EAT.


00:37:45.668 --> 00:37:48.201
I NEED YOU TO EAT BECAUSE
EMOTIONS ARE ROOTED

00:37:48.301 --> 00:37:49.434
IN OUR BODIES,


00:37:49.534 --> 00:37:51.934
WHEN WE DON'T TAKE IN THE
NUTRITION WE NEED FOR OUR

00:37:52.034 --> 00:37:53.801
BODIES TO MAKE THE
NEUROTRANSMITTERS THAT

00:37:53.901 --> 00:37:57.001
THEY NEED, IT'S HARDER FOR
YOUR BODY TO REGULATE.

00:37:57.101 --> 00:37:58.434
SO EVERYONE KNOWS WHEN
YOU'RE STARVING YOU CAN

00:37:58.534 --> 00:37:59.668
BARELY THINK RIGHT.


00:37:59.768 --> 00:38:01.501
AND SO EAT WELL.


00:38:01.601 --> 00:38:05.168
MAKE SURE, TAKE A VITAMIN,
EAT SOME HEALTHY FOOD.

00:38:05.268 --> 00:38:08.034
I'M NOT SAYING BE A VEGAN,
BUT JUST DO BETTER,

00:38:08.134 --> 00:38:08.401
YOU KNOW?


00:38:08.501 --> 00:38:09.301
>> YEAH.


00:38:09.401 --> 00:38:11.334
>> AND THEN D STANDS
FOR DRINK WATER.

00:38:11.434 --> 00:38:13.734
IF YOU'LL DO 30 DAYS
ON GETTING GOOD SLEEP,

00:38:13.834 --> 00:38:16.001
EATING BETTER AND
DRINKING ENOUGH WATER,

00:38:16.101 --> 00:38:18.400
YOUR BODY WILL HAVE WHAT
IT NEEDS TO START TO BE

00:38:18.500 --> 00:38:22.001
ABLE TO HANDLE EMOTIONAL
RESPONSES BETTER.

00:38:22.101 --> 00:38:23.867
SO BASIC BODY,


00:38:23.967 --> 00:38:27.267
A SECOND THING PEOPLE CAN
DO IS GET SOME QUIET TIME.

00:38:27.367 --> 00:38:30.300
OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
HEALS IN STILLNESS.

00:38:30.400 --> 00:38:32.267
THERE'S SOME RESEARCH THAT
SAYS THAT PEOPLE WHO WERE

00:38:32.367 --> 00:38:34.534
TRAUMATIZED AS CHILDREN
NEED AS MUCH AS TWO HOURS

00:38:34.634 --> 00:38:36.967
OF QUIET TIME A DAY.


00:38:37.067 --> 00:38:38.901
NOW, I KNOW PEOPLE ARE
LIKE MOMS AND EVERYONE OUT

00:38:39.001 --> 00:38:40.968
HERE ARE LIKE,
YEAH, OKAY, LISTEN,

00:38:41.068 --> 00:38:42.568
STAY IN THE BATHROOM
A LITTLE LONGER.

00:38:42.668 --> 00:38:43.034
>> YEAH.


00:38:43.134 --> 00:38:44.200
[ LAUGHTER ]


00:38:44.300 --> 00:38:46.501
>> LET THAT -- STAY IN THE
BATHROOM A LITTLE LONGER,

00:38:46.601 --> 00:38:49.267
YOU KNOW, ORDER THE
PIZZA, GIVE THEM

00:38:49.367 --> 00:38:50.101
THE DINO NUGGETS.


00:38:50.201 --> 00:38:51.167
IT AIN'T GOING
TO KILL THEM.

00:38:51.267 --> 00:38:54.067
IF YOU CAN GET 30 EXTRA
MINUTES BY YOURSELF,

00:38:54.167 --> 00:38:55.301
DO IT.


00:38:55.401 --> 00:38:58.334
BECAUSE WE NEED SOME STILLNESS
TO LET OUR BODIES HEAL.

00:38:58.434 --> 00:39:00.434
AND IF WE CAN GET IT IN
NATURE, EVEN BETTER.

00:39:00.534 --> 00:39:01.500
>> YEAH.


00:39:01.600 --> 00:39:02.867
>> THE COLOR GREEN IN
NATURE ACTUALLY HAS A

00:39:02.967 --> 00:39:04.701
HEALING EFFECT ON
OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:39:04.801 --> 00:39:07.134
THE SOUND OF THE OCEAN
HAS A HEALING EFFECT

00:39:07.234 --> 00:39:08.134
ON OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.


00:39:08.234 --> 00:39:09.000
HERE IN TEXAS,


00:39:09.100 --> 00:39:10.867
YOU GET, YOU KNOW,
LISTEN TO IT.

00:39:10.967 --> 00:39:12.967
GET, PUT OCEAN SOUNDS
ON YOUR, ON YOUR PHONE.

00:39:13.067 --> 00:39:14.134
>> THAT'S AS CLOSE AS
I'LL GET TO IT.

00:39:14.234 --> 00:39:16.034
>> YEAH, ANYTIME WE CAN GET
CONNECTED TO CREATION,

00:39:16.134 --> 00:39:19.434
SURPRISE, SURPRISE, OUR
NERVOUS SYSTEM STARTS TO HEAL.

00:39:19.534 --> 00:39:23.534
SO GO TO BED, SLEEP,
EAT GOOD, DRINK WATER,

00:39:23.634 --> 00:39:25.534
GET SOME SILENCE
AND SOME STILLNESS.

00:39:25.634 --> 00:39:26.901
RECONNECT WITH NATURE.


00:39:27.001 --> 00:39:29.001
IF YOU COMMIT TO DOING
JUST THAT OVER THE COURSE

00:39:29.101 --> 00:39:30.934
OF EVEN SIX MONTHS, I
THINK PEOPLE WILL START TO

00:39:31.034 --> 00:39:32.667
FIND OUT THAT THEY'RE
FEELING BETTER.

00:39:32.767 --> 00:39:34.734
YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
NEEDS THAT TIME AND THAT

00:39:34.834 --> 00:39:37.434
NURTURANCE TO START
TO HEAL ITSELF.

00:39:37.534 --> 00:39:39.834
YES, THERE ARE THINGS YOU
CAN DO IN THE MOMENT TO

00:39:39.934 --> 00:39:42.467
TRY TO FEEL BETTER, BUT
I WANTED TO SHARE THAT

00:39:42.567 --> 00:39:46.034
BIGGER PICTURE BECAUSE
IT'S NOT ABOUT HACKING IT.

00:39:46.134 --> 00:39:47.901
HERE'S A QUICK BREATHING
TECHNIQUE YOU CAN DO.

00:39:48.001 --> 00:39:50.834
HERE'S A QUICK, YOU KNOW,
THOSE THINGS ARE HELPFUL.

00:39:50.934 --> 00:39:54.468
ONE OF THOSE IS TAKE A
DEEP BREATH AND THEN

00:39:54.568 --> 00:39:56.934
EXHALE FOR TWICE AS
LONG AS YOU INHALED.

00:39:57.034 --> 00:39:59.300
SO INHALE FOR THREE,


00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:02.901
BLOW OUT FOR SIX.


00:40:03.001 --> 00:40:04.667
A LONG EXHALE ACTIVATES


00:40:04.767 --> 00:40:06.668
THE PARASYMPATHETIC
NERVOUS SYSTEM.

00:40:06.768 --> 00:40:08.401
IT WAKES UP THE
TREE OF LIFE.

00:40:08.501 --> 00:40:10.367
THAT'S ONE OF THE WAYS
WE CAN ACTIVATE IT.

00:40:10.467 --> 00:40:11.700
COLD WATER.


00:40:11.800 --> 00:40:14.234
SO TURN THE SHOWER COLD FOR
LIKE THE LAST 30 SECONDS OF

00:40:14.334 --> 00:40:17.468
YOUR SHOWER, ACTIVATES YOUR
PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM,

00:40:17.568 --> 00:40:20.234
CAN BRING YOU INTO
THAT REST AND DIGEST STATE.

00:40:20.334 --> 00:40:24.434
MOVEMENT, NATURAL LIGHT
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE

00:40:24.534 --> 00:40:25.400
WHEN YOU WAKE UP.


00:40:25.500 --> 00:40:27.068
INSTEAD OF LOOKING
FIRST AT YOUR PHONE,

00:40:27.168 --> 00:40:29.001
GO TO YOUR WINDOW
AND LET THE SUN HIT YOU

00:40:29.101 --> 00:40:29.867
FOR TEN MINUTES.


00:40:29.967 --> 00:40:31.034
GO OUT ON YOUR BALCONY.


00:40:31.134 --> 00:40:33.134
NATURAL LIGHT DOES THAT.


00:40:33.234 --> 00:40:35.600
SO THERE ARE THINGS LIKE
THAT THAT YOU CAN DO THAT

00:40:35.700 --> 00:40:38.767
PEOPLE ARE HEARING ABOUT
TO HELP SHIFT YOU INTO

00:40:38.867 --> 00:40:40.734
THAT PARASYMPATHETIC
STATE.

00:40:40.834 --> 00:40:43.434
BUT IF YOU'RE LIVING
UNDER CHRONIC STRESS

00:40:43.534 --> 00:40:45.834
OR UNHEALED TRAUMA,


00:40:45.934 --> 00:40:48.734
THAT'S GOING TO MAYBE BE A
HACK IN THE MOMENT.

00:40:48.834 --> 00:40:50.967
BUT OVERALL, IT'S NOT
GOING TO CHANGE...

00:40:51.067 --> 00:40:51.568
>> YOU GOT TO ADDRESS.


00:40:51.668 --> 00:40:52.568
>> YOUR EXPERIENCE.


00:40:52.668 --> 00:40:55.067
YOU GOT TO LET THE
LARGER HEALING HAPPEN,

00:40:55.167 --> 00:40:59.734
AND YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING
TO RELEASE PAINFUL EMOTIONS.

00:40:59.834 --> 00:41:02.501
SOMETIMES YOU NEED CRYING
TEARS MORE THAN YOU NEED

00:41:02.601 --> 00:41:03.234
A DEEP BREATH.


00:41:03.334 --> 00:41:04.300
>> YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.


00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:06.400
>> IF YOU'RE TRYING TO
DO SOMETHING TO AVOID

00:41:06.500 --> 00:41:09.900
EMOTIONAL PAIN, STOP IT
AND LET YOURSELF FEEL

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:12.067
THE HUNGER.


00:41:12.167 --> 00:41:13.300
THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.


00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:15.734
THIS ISN'T ABOUT AVOIDING
THE PAIN BECAUSE IT WILL

00:41:15.834 --> 00:41:17.800
BUILD UP IN YOUR
BODY, AND IT WILL,

00:41:17.900 --> 00:41:20.568
YOUR EMOTIONAL PAIN WILL
BUILD UP IN YOUR BODY IN

00:41:20.668 --> 00:41:23.701
WAYS THAT SHOW
UP PHYSICALLY.

00:41:23.801 --> 00:41:26.667
MIGRAINE HEADACHES,
LOWER BACK PAIN.

00:41:26.767 --> 00:41:30.301
MANY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES
ARE STATISTICALLY LINKED

00:41:30.401 --> 00:41:32.501
TO REPRESSED ANGER.


00:41:32.601 --> 00:41:35.368
LADIES, WOMEN, MY
SISTERS, WHO HAVE

00:41:35.468 --> 00:41:39.434
A DISPROPORTIONATE DIAGNOSIS
OF AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES.

00:41:39.534 --> 00:41:42.401
WOMEN HAVE MORE, HAVE, ARE
DIAGNOSED WITH AUTOIMMUNE

00:41:42.501 --> 00:41:44.434
DISEASES MORE
OFTEN THAN MEN,

00:41:44.534 --> 00:41:47.667
AND REPRESSED ANGER IS
LIKELY ONE OF THE CULPRITS

00:41:47.767 --> 00:41:48.834
FOR THAT.


00:41:48.934 --> 00:41:50.834
>> WHAT IS A HEALTHY
WAY TO RELEASE ANGER?

00:41:50.934 --> 00:41:52.334
BECAUSE I'M THINKING
EVEN ABOUT MY KIDS.

00:41:52.434 --> 00:41:53.500
BECAUSE I'M LIKE,


00:41:53.600 --> 00:41:55.101
I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE
HEALTHY WAY TO DO IT MYSELF.

00:41:55.201 --> 00:41:56.168
AND I'M TRYING
TO TEACH THEM.

00:41:56.268 --> 00:41:57.134
>> YEAH.


00:41:57.234 --> 00:41:58.901
SO ANGER IS A, IS A
DIFFICULT EMOTION.

00:41:59.001 --> 00:42:00.501
THE BIBLE SAYS BE
ANGRY AND SIN NOT

00:42:00.601 --> 00:42:00.868
FOR A REASON.


00:42:00.968 --> 00:42:02.100
>> YEAH.


00:42:02.200 --> 00:42:04.267
>> BECAUSE WITH OTHER
PAINFUL EMOTIONS LIKE

00:42:04.367 --> 00:42:07.301
SADNESS AND
FEAR, WE RETREAT.

00:42:07.401 --> 00:42:08.467
WE SHUT DOWN.


00:42:08.567 --> 00:42:10.867
ANGER IS AN APPROACH
EMOTION, RIGHT?

00:42:10.967 --> 00:42:12.634
AND SO USUALLY WE ONLY
APPROACH GOOD, POSITIVE,

00:42:12.734 --> 00:42:13.767
PLEASURABLE THINGS.


00:42:13.867 --> 00:42:16.367
BUT ANGER SAYS THIS HURTS
AND GOES AFTER IT, RIGHT?

00:42:16.467 --> 00:42:17.201
>> TOTALLY.


00:42:17.301 --> 00:42:18.834
>> AND SO THAT'S
THE SIN NOT PART.

00:42:18.934 --> 00:42:21.501
AND SO WE IT DOES PUSH AN
ENERGY INTO OUR BODY THAT

00:42:21.601 --> 00:42:22.501
HAS TO BE RELEASED.


00:42:22.601 --> 00:42:23.568
>> IT TOTALLY DOES.


00:42:23.668 --> 00:42:24.700
>> AND YOU GOT
TO LET IT OUT.

00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:26.100
AND THAT COULD
BE GOING...

00:42:26.200 --> 00:42:27.401
[ YELLING ]


00:42:27.501 --> 00:42:28.267
>> YEAH.


00:42:28.367 --> 00:42:30.400
>> SOUND IS A GREAT
THING TO DO.

00:42:30.500 --> 00:42:32.367
SOMETIMES I TELL PEOPLE,
MAKE A SOUND THAT SOUNDS

00:42:32.467 --> 00:42:33.501
LIKE HOW YOU FEEL.


00:42:33.601 --> 00:42:34.201
BEFORE YOU TRY TO
PUT IT IN

00:42:34.301 --> 00:42:36.534
WORDS, PUT IT IN SOUND.


00:42:36.634 --> 00:42:38.834
AND SO WHAT DOES YOUR
ANGER SOUND LIKE?

00:42:38.934 --> 00:42:40.101
LET'S GIVE IT TO ME.


00:42:40.201 --> 00:42:41.367
YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES IT'S OLD,

00:42:41.467 --> 00:42:43.401
GOOD OLD PUNCH A PILLOW.


00:42:43.501 --> 00:42:44.701
THEY HAVE SMASH ROOMS NOW.


00:42:44.801 --> 00:42:46.434
I AM SO HERE FOR
THE SMASH ROOMS.

00:42:46.534 --> 00:42:47.034
HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT?


00:42:47.134 --> 00:42:47.867
>> YEAH, I HAVE.


00:42:47.967 --> 00:42:49.267
>> I AM SO HERE
FOR SMASH ROOMS.

00:42:49.367 --> 00:42:51.767
SOMETIMES I'VE MADE
MY OWN SMASH ROOM.

00:42:51.867 --> 00:42:55.434
THAT RECYCLE BIN WITH
THE GLASS BOTTLES IN IT,

00:42:55.534 --> 00:42:56.734
I'M NOT GONNA LIE.


00:42:56.834 --> 00:42:59.101
I'VE BROKEN A COUPLE
HERE AND THERE.

00:42:59.201 --> 00:42:59.868
>> YEAH, BUT BETTER
TO DO THAT --

00:42:59.968 --> 00:43:01.068
>> SWEEP IT UP
AND PUT IT AWAY.

00:43:01.168 --> 00:43:04.134
OH, I DO, I DO, I'D SAY PROBABLY
ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR,

00:43:04.234 --> 00:43:05.568
I'LL HIT A LEVEL
WHERE I'M LIKE,

00:43:05.668 --> 00:43:08.234
BE RIGHT BACK AND I'M
THROWING LIKE A GLASS BOTTLE.

00:43:08.334 --> 00:43:10.234
SO FORCE OUT OF
THE BODY, RIGHT?

00:43:10.334 --> 00:43:11.100
>> TO GET THAT ENERGY OUT.


00:43:11.200 --> 00:43:12.200
>> YOU HAVE TO LET
THAT ENERGY OUT.

00:43:12.300 --> 00:43:14.468
>> SO WHEN PEOPLE ARE
LIKE SAYING, CALM DOWN,

00:43:14.568 --> 00:43:15.368
JUST FORGIVE.


00:43:15.468 --> 00:43:17.234
>> AND THAT WORKED FOR
NO ONE EVER.

00:43:17.334 --> 00:43:18.267
WHO HAS EVER BEEN FURIOUS


00:43:18.367 --> 00:43:19.367
AND YOU'RE
LIKE, CALM DOWN.

00:43:19.467 --> 00:43:20.334
YOU'RE LIKE, OH, THANKS.


00:43:20.434 --> 00:43:20.901
>> I KNOW, RIGHT.


00:43:21.001 --> 00:43:21.534
>> NOW I'M CALM.


00:43:21.634 --> 00:43:21.868
[ LAUGHTER ]


00:43:21.968 --> 00:43:23.034
>> YEAH.


00:43:23.134 --> 00:43:24.768
>> THAT IS YOUR DISCOMFORT
WITH MY PAIN TELLING ME

00:43:24.868 --> 00:43:26.134
TO CALM DOWN.


00:43:26.234 --> 00:43:27.334
DON'T YOU WORRY
ABOUT MY PAIN.

00:43:27.434 --> 00:43:28.967
I'M GOING TO BE
WITH MY PAIN.

00:43:29.067 --> 00:43:32.134
AND SO YOU HAVE TO DISCHARGE
THAT FROM YOUR BODY.

00:43:32.234 --> 00:43:34.867
AND THEN AFTER YOU'VE
DISCHARGED IT FROM YOUR

00:43:34.967 --> 00:43:38.067
BODY, WHAT WAS DEVALUED?


00:43:38.167 --> 00:43:41.867
BECAUSE ANGER IS THE
PROPER RESPONSE TO

00:43:41.967 --> 00:43:45.667
WHEN SOMETHING VALUABLE, BEING
TREATED AS LESS THAN VALUABLE.

00:43:45.767 --> 00:43:48.167
WHAT WAS
DEVALUED AND WHAT BOUNDARY

00:43:48.267 --> 00:43:50.834
IS NEEDED TO
REESTABLISH THAT?

00:43:50.934 --> 00:43:53.767
DO I NEED TO GO TO
SOMEONE AND SAY, HEY,

00:43:53.867 --> 00:43:56.067
I LENT YOU 20 BUCKS AND
YOU NEVER PAID ME BACK AND

00:43:56.167 --> 00:43:57.167
I NEEDED IT BACK.


00:43:57.267 --> 00:43:58.867
AND THAT REALLY
MADE ME ANGRY.

00:43:58.967 --> 00:44:01.401
I FEEL LIKE YOU DEVALUED
NOT ONLY MY 20 BUCKS,

00:44:01.501 --> 00:44:04.967
BUT MY TRUST, AND
THAT MADE ME ANGRY.

00:44:05.067 --> 00:44:08.801
AND THEY CAN HAVE THE
CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE.

00:44:08.901 --> 00:44:11.434
AND ALSO, IF YOU LEND THEM
$20 AGAIN AND THEY DON'T

00:44:11.534 --> 00:44:14.734
PAY YOU BACK AGAIN, MAYBE
YOU MAKE A BOUNDARY ON

00:44:14.834 --> 00:44:16.267
LENDING THIS PERSON MONEY.


00:44:16.367 --> 00:44:19.067
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU
DIDN'T FORGIVE THEM.

00:44:19.167 --> 00:44:22.967
BUT ALSO, THIS IS NOT A
SAFE PLACE FOR THIS THING

00:44:23.067 --> 00:44:25.601
TO BE VALUED IN THE
WAY IT'S VALUED TO ME.

00:44:25.701 --> 00:44:26.301
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:44:26.401 --> 00:44:27.501
>> YEAH.


00:44:27.601 --> 00:44:29.400
>> AND SO WE NEED TO RESPOND
WHEN ANGER IS IN RESPONSE

00:44:29.500 --> 00:44:30.701
TO SOMETHING
BEING DEVALUED.

00:44:30.801 --> 00:44:33.934
HOW DO WE GET THAT
VALUE RE-ESTABLISHED?

00:44:34.034 --> 00:44:36.034
NOW SOMETIMES ANGER SHOWS
UP AS WHAT WE CALL

00:44:36.134 --> 00:44:37.534
A SECONDARY EMOTION.


00:44:37.634 --> 00:44:38.734
>> YEAH.


00:44:38.834 --> 00:44:39.868
>> AND THAT'S TO PROTECT ME
WHEN I'M SCARED OR WHEN

00:44:39.968 --> 00:44:41.234
I'M SAD.


00:44:41.334 --> 00:44:42.601
IN ORDER TO WORK
THROUGH THAT,

00:44:42.701 --> 00:44:43.868
I DISCHARGE THE ANGER.


00:44:43.968 --> 00:44:45.034
AND THEN I NEED
TO BE HONEST,

00:44:45.134 --> 00:44:47.667
I WASN'T REALLY
MAD, I WAS SCARED,

00:44:47.767 --> 00:44:49.734
AND I NEED TO BE WILLING
TO WORK THROUGH THE FEAR.

00:44:49.834 --> 00:44:50.468
I WASN'T REALLY MAD,


00:44:50.568 --> 00:44:52.201
I WAS ACTUALLY SAD.


00:44:52.301 --> 00:44:56.334
I GOT REJECTED, GRR, AND I
RESPONDED IT WITH FIGHT.

00:44:56.434 --> 00:44:58.768
BUT ACTUALLY IT WAS
JUST THE SADNESS OF,

00:44:58.868 --> 00:44:59.868
OF REJECTION.


00:44:59.968 --> 00:45:01.567
OR MAYBE I TRIED TO
PREVENT REJECTION BY

00:45:01.667 --> 00:45:03.300
ARGUING WITH SOMEBODY
OR YELLING AT THEM.

00:45:03.400 --> 00:45:05.401
SO I WAS ACTUALLY USING MY
ANGER TO COVER MY FEAR.

00:45:05.501 --> 00:45:06.068
>> YEAH.


00:45:06.168 --> 00:45:07.134
>> SO THEN I LET THAT GO.


00:45:07.234 --> 00:45:08.600
NOW I GOT TO BE WILLING
TO PROCESS THE FEAR,

00:45:08.700 --> 00:45:09.901
THE SADNESS.


00:45:10.001 --> 00:45:10.934
AND THAT'S SOMETIMES,


00:45:11.034 --> 00:45:12.467
NOT SOMETIMES, ALMOST
ALL THE TIME,

00:45:12.567 --> 00:45:15.001
WE'D RATHER BE MAD
THAN SAD OR SCARED.

00:45:15.101 --> 00:45:15.967
>> YEAH.


00:45:16.067 --> 00:45:17.001
>> BECAUSE ANGER MAKES
ME FEEL POWERFUL.

00:45:17.101 --> 00:45:20.234
AND SADNESS AND FEAR
MAKES ME FEEL POWERLESS.

00:45:20.334 --> 00:45:21.867
AND SO WHERE DID
THE ANGER COME FROM?

00:45:21.967 --> 00:45:23.301
WAS IT ABOUT VALUATION?


00:45:23.401 --> 00:45:24.367
YOU HAVE YOUR
INSTRUCTIONS.

00:45:24.467 --> 00:45:27.067
IF YOU FIND THAT IT'S
COVERING SADNESS OR FEAR,

00:45:27.167 --> 00:45:28.734
YOU GOT TO BE WILLING TO
DEAL WITH THE SADNESS AND

00:45:28.834 --> 00:45:31.134
THE FEAR IN ORDER TO
NOT HAVE THE ANGER KEEP

00:45:31.234 --> 00:45:32.768
SHOWING UP AS A SHIELD.


00:45:32.868 --> 00:45:33.300
>> YEAH.


00:45:33.400 --> 00:45:34.401
>> YEAH.


00:45:34.501 --> 00:45:37.334
>> SO IF YOU'RE FEELING THAT
FIGHT OR FLIGHT WHEN

00:45:37.434 --> 00:45:38.867
SOMETHING'S
HAPPENING TO YOU,

00:45:38.967 --> 00:45:41.234
WHAT IS YOUR BODY TRYING
TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU?

00:45:41.334 --> 00:45:42.434
>> YES.


00:45:42.534 --> 00:45:44.200
IT'S TELLING YOU THAT
YOU NEED SOMETHING.

00:45:44.300 --> 00:45:47.101
PAINFUL EMOTION IS SAYING,
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED.

00:45:47.201 --> 00:45:48.001
IT'S A HUNGER PANG,


00:45:48.101 --> 00:45:49.934
LIKE I SAID BEFORE.


00:45:50.034 --> 00:45:51.267
>> EVEN
FIGHT OR FLIGHT?

00:45:51.367 --> 00:45:52.534
>> YEAH, IT
DEPENDS IF I'M,

00:45:52.634 --> 00:45:56.467
IF I'M SCARED IT MIGHT BE
FLIGHT OR I MIGHT HAVE A

00:45:56.567 --> 00:45:58.768
FIGHT RESPONSE TO FEAR,
WHICH IS ANGER SHOWING UP

00:45:58.868 --> 00:46:00.501
TO PROTECT ME
FROM MY FEAR.

00:46:00.601 --> 00:46:02.034
WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S
TELLING YOU THAT

00:46:02.134 --> 00:46:03.034
YOU NEED SOMETHING.


00:46:03.134 --> 00:46:03.967
WHAT'S HAPPENING?


00:46:04.067 --> 00:46:05.734
I NEED TO FEEL SAFE,
AND I'M NOT SAFE.

00:46:05.834 --> 00:46:06.600
AND DO I NEED TO --


00:46:06.700 --> 00:46:07.467
HOW DO I GET SAFE?


00:46:07.567 --> 00:46:08.568
WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?


00:46:08.668 --> 00:46:10.101
DO I MOVE AWAY
FROM THIS SPACE?

00:46:10.201 --> 00:46:11.501
AND SO HERE'S WHERE
THE FORGIVENESS THING

00:46:11.601 --> 00:46:14.334
GETS STICKY, RIGHT?


00:46:14.434 --> 00:46:16.001
BECAUSE AS CHRISTIANS,
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE.

00:46:16.101 --> 00:46:17.867
AND ABSOLUTELY WE ARE
SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE.

00:46:17.967 --> 00:46:20.100
AND WE -- AND WE DO FORGIVE.


00:46:20.200 --> 00:46:22.334
>> BUT WE DON'T
NECESSARILY RECONCILE.

00:46:22.434 --> 00:46:24.501
>> FORGIVENESS IS NOT
ALWAYS RECONCILIATION.

00:46:24.601 --> 00:46:26.568
>> I FEEL LIKE
THAT'S SO IMPORTANT...

00:46:26.668 --> 00:46:27.068
>> IS THIS...


00:46:27.168 --> 00:46:27.568
>> TO CLARIFY.


00:46:27.668 --> 00:46:27.901
>> A SAFE PLACE?


00:46:28.001 --> 00:46:28.201
YES.


00:46:28.301 --> 00:46:28.734
YES.


00:46:28.834 --> 00:46:29.467
NOW --


00:46:29.567 --> 00:46:30.334
>> OH, WOW.


00:46:30.434 --> 00:46:31.367
SO YOUR BODY COULD
BE TELLING YOU

00:46:31.467 --> 00:46:32.834
THAT THIS IS NOT
SAFE PERSON.

00:46:32.934 --> 00:46:33.734
>> THIS IS NOT SAFE.


00:46:33.834 --> 00:46:35.134
THIS IS NOT SAFE.


00:46:35.234 --> 00:46:38.334
AND ONE OF THE WAYS
THAT WE CAN INCREASE

00:46:38.434 --> 00:46:39.501
OUR WELL-BEING,


00:46:39.601 --> 00:46:41.601
AND A LOT OF TIMES THIS
CAN HAPPEN IN THERAPY,

00:46:41.701 --> 00:46:45.601
I CAN INCREASE MY CAPACITY
TO MAKE MYSELF SAFE,

00:46:45.701 --> 00:46:46.867
NO MATTER WHAT.


00:46:46.967 --> 00:46:51.668
SO I CAN WORK TO NOT
FEAR REJECTION,

00:46:51.768 --> 00:46:53.200
THAT MAKES ME SAFER.


00:46:53.300 --> 00:46:55.634
BECAUSE I'M NOT FEARING
REJECTION IN THE SAME WAY.

00:46:55.734 --> 00:46:57.334
WHICH MEANS I CAN
MOVE MORE FREELY.

00:46:57.434 --> 00:46:59.734
BECAUSE IF SOMEONE
REJECTS ME, I'M NOT --

00:46:59.834 --> 00:47:00.367
>> YOU'RE FINE.


00:47:00.467 --> 00:47:01.234
>> I'M GOING TO BE OKAY.


00:47:01.334 --> 00:47:02.400
>> YEAH.


00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:04.667
>> AND SO THEN I FIND MYSELF
SAFER IN MORE PLACES.

00:47:04.767 --> 00:47:05.468
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:47:05.568 --> 00:47:05.934
SO IT'S NOT --


00:47:06.034 --> 00:47:06.934
>> YEAH.


00:47:07.034 --> 00:47:07.801
>> I CAN BECOME LESS
AFRAID OF SOMETHING.

00:47:07.901 --> 00:47:09.067
I CAN INCREASE
MY OWN SAFETY.

00:47:09.167 --> 00:47:11.401
BUT IF MY SAFETY IS
COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON

00:47:11.501 --> 00:47:15.301
YOU NOT DOING SOMETHING TO ME,
THAT'S A LOT TOUGHER, RIGHT?

00:47:15.401 --> 00:47:17.834
SO THERE'S WAYS THAT WE
CAN WORK ON SAFETY

00:47:17.934 --> 00:47:19.534
THAT INVOLVE US.


00:47:19.634 --> 00:47:21.700
AND SOME OF IT IS JUST
NOT BEING AFRAID OF --

00:47:21.800 --> 00:47:22.967
BEING AFRAID OF
LESS THINGS.

00:47:23.067 --> 00:47:23.868
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?


00:47:23.968 --> 00:47:25.134
WHEN I STARTED OUT
AS A THERAPIST,

00:47:25.234 --> 00:47:26.567
FOR THE FIRST FOUR
YEARS, I WORKED ALMOST

00:47:26.667 --> 00:47:30.068
EXCLUSIVELY WITH SURVIVORS
OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE.

00:47:30.168 --> 00:47:31.201
>> OH MY GOSH.


00:47:31.301 --> 00:47:34.567
>> AND MOST HONORED WORK
TO THIS DAY I'VE EVER DONE

00:47:34.667 --> 00:47:37.734
TO BE INVITED INTO THOSE
HARD PLACES WITH PEOPLE.

00:47:37.834 --> 00:47:39.834
BUT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
I WOULD WORK WITH WOMEN ON

00:47:39.934 --> 00:47:41.701
IS AND MEN ARE ALSO
SEXUALLY ABUSED.

00:47:41.801 --> 00:47:44.434
I WAS ONLY WORKING WITH
WOMEN AT THE TIME,

00:47:44.534 --> 00:47:47.201
WAS THEY WOULDN'T WANT ANYONE
TO KNOW, IT WAS A SECRET.

00:47:47.301 --> 00:47:48.134
>> YEAH.


00:47:48.234 --> 00:47:50.934
>> AND THEN THEY WOULD
TELL ONE PERSON,

00:47:51.034 --> 00:47:52.267
BUT IT'D STILL
BE A SECRET.

00:47:52.367 --> 00:47:54.601
AND SO A SECRET IS NOT
JUST SOMETHING YOU TELL

00:47:54.701 --> 00:47:56.800
ONE PERSON AT A TIME,
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE,

00:47:56.900 --> 00:47:58.834
HOW ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING
TO GET TO THE PLACE WHERE

00:47:58.934 --> 00:48:02.434
YOU ARE NOT AFRAID
FOR SOMEONE TO KNOW?

00:48:02.534 --> 00:48:04.367
BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN IT
STOPS BEING A SECRET.

00:48:04.467 --> 00:48:06.867
AND SO ONE OF THE GOALS OF
MY WORK WITH, WITH THE,

00:48:06.967 --> 00:48:08.968
WITH THE WOMEN WOULD BE
THAT THEY WOULD BE WILLING

00:48:09.068 --> 00:48:10.834
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET
WITH A T-SHIRT ON

00:48:10.934 --> 00:48:15.634
THAT SAID, I WAS SEXUALLY
ABUSED AND NOT BE AFRAID

00:48:15.734 --> 00:48:17.700
OF WHAT PEOPLE WOULD
THINK ABOUT THAT.

00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:20.800
I WANTED THEM TO BE SO
HEALED THAT IF SOMEONE

00:48:20.900 --> 00:48:22.834
WALKED UP TO THEM AND SAY,
I HEARD YOU WERE SEXUALLY

00:48:22.934 --> 00:48:24.134
ABUSED, THEY WOULDN'T GO


00:48:24.234 --> 00:48:25.067
WHO TOLD YOU THAT?


00:48:25.167 --> 00:48:25.768
>> THEY WOULDN'T
FEEL LIKE THAT SHAME.

00:48:25.868 --> 00:48:27.267
>> THEY WOULD SAY
I WAS.

00:48:27.367 --> 00:48:28.401
WERE YOU?


00:48:28.501 --> 00:48:29.867
CAN I HELP YOU?


00:48:29.967 --> 00:48:30.800
>> WOW.


00:48:30.900 --> 00:48:33.301
>> THAT'S FREEDOM.


00:48:33.401 --> 00:48:33.801
>> YEAH.


00:48:33.901 --> 00:48:34.534
THAT'S POWERFUL.


00:48:34.634 --> 00:48:35.768
>> THAT'S
POWERFUL FREEDOM.

00:48:35.868 --> 00:48:39.700
BECAUSE I AM NO LONGER
AFRAID OF WHAT THAT MIGHT

00:48:39.800 --> 00:48:41.267
MEAN TO YOU.


00:48:41.367 --> 00:48:44.168
I'M SO AT PEACE WITH WHERE
I'M AT THAT I'M GOING TO

00:48:44.268 --> 00:48:46.334
LIGHT UP BECAUSE I'M THINKING
MAYBE YOU NEED MY HELP.

00:48:46.401 --> 00:48:47.401
>> YEAH.


00:48:47.501 --> 00:48:48.700
YOU'RE NOT FEELING THE
GUILT OR SHAME OR FEELING

00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:49.634
THE NEED TO HIDE.


00:48:49.734 --> 00:48:50.868
>> RIGHT.


00:48:50.968 --> 00:48:52.734
THAT'S THE HEALING
THAT WE'RE AFTER.

00:48:52.834 --> 00:48:57.001
AND SO THERE'S WAYS THAT
WE CAN INCREASE OUR OWN

00:48:57.101 --> 00:49:00.201
SAFETY IN THE WORLD BY
DECREASING OUR SHAME

00:49:00.301 --> 00:49:01.767
AND OUR FEAR.


00:49:01.867 --> 00:49:03.500
IT'S POSSIBLE TO
BE LESS AFRAID.

00:49:03.600 --> 00:49:04.367
RIGHT?


00:49:04.467 --> 00:49:07.501
AND SO FORGIVENESS
IS IMPORTANT.

00:49:07.601 --> 00:49:09.167
AND ALSO KEEPING
OURSELVES SAFE.

00:49:09.267 --> 00:49:13.168
I CAN FORGIVE YOU, BUT
IF I KNOW, IF I'M IN A

00:49:13.268 --> 00:49:17.034
MARRIAGE WHERE I'M BEING
PHYSICALLY BEATEN,

00:49:17.134 --> 00:49:18.934
I CAN FORGIVE.


00:49:19.034 --> 00:49:23.434
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT
IT'S SAFE TO STAY HERE.

00:49:23.534 --> 00:49:26.901
AND I'M NOT DISHONORING
GOD BY NOT STAYING IN A

00:49:27.001 --> 00:49:31.501
PLACE WHERE I
COULD BE KILLED.

00:49:31.601 --> 00:49:32.834
THAT'S NOT
DISHONORING GOD.

00:49:32.934 --> 00:49:33.700
>> NO.


00:49:33.800 --> 00:49:36.667
>> JESUS SAID ON
THE CROSS, FATHER,

00:49:36.767 --> 00:49:39.000
FORGIVE THEM, FOR THEY
KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO.

00:49:39.100 --> 00:49:41.934
HE FORGAVE EVEN WHILE HE
WAS STILL BEING MURDERED.

00:49:42.034 --> 00:49:44.534
WHICH IS THE HIGHEST
BAR OUT THERE, RIGHT?

00:49:44.634 --> 00:49:45.901
THIS IS A HIGH BAR.


00:49:46.001 --> 00:49:48.100
BUT DR. O'BRIEN,
ANOTHER ANOTHER CHRISTIAN

00:49:48.200 --> 00:49:50.234
THERAPIST, SHE SAID
THIS AND SHE SAID,

00:49:50.334 --> 00:49:52.634
BUT WHEN JESUS
WAS RESURRECTED,

00:49:52.734 --> 00:49:56.634
HE DID NOT VISIT A
SINGLE ROMAN SOLDIER.

00:49:56.734 --> 00:49:58.734
HE DIDN'T GO SEE PILATE.


00:49:58.834 --> 00:50:02.768
HE WENT TO SEE THOSE WHO
HAD BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP WITH.

00:50:02.868 --> 00:50:04.967
PETER WAS THERE.


00:50:05.067 --> 00:50:06.367
SO THERE'S FORGIVENESS.


00:50:06.467 --> 00:50:07.401
>> YEP.


00:50:07.501 --> 00:50:08.434
>> BUT WE KNOW THAT
PETER'S HEART WAS ALSO

00:50:08.534 --> 00:50:10.034
BROKEN BY HIS BEHAVIOR.


00:50:10.134 --> 00:50:12.334
AND WE KNOW THAT PETER
CAME BACK AROUND

00:50:12.434 --> 00:50:13.367
TO THE RIGHT HEART.


00:50:13.467 --> 00:50:14.934
AND SO JESUS WAS
THERE WITH SOMEONE

00:50:15.034 --> 00:50:16.367
WHO HAD BETRAYED HIM.


00:50:16.467 --> 00:50:17.767
AND THERE WAS FORGIVENESS,
AND HE WAS THERE.

00:50:17.867 --> 00:50:18.968
HE WASN'T,


00:50:19.068 --> 00:50:20.301
HE DID NOT GO TO THE ROMAN
SOLDIERS HOUSE WHO STABBED

00:50:20.401 --> 00:50:22.568
HIM IN THE, IN THE SIDE.


00:50:22.668 --> 00:50:27.268
SO FORGIVENESS IS NOT
ALWAYS A RETURN TO

00:50:27.368 --> 00:50:28.934
AN UNSAFE PLACE.


00:50:29.034 --> 00:50:30.134
SO I THINK
THAT'S THE BEST --

00:50:30.234 --> 00:50:34.400
THAT'S THE BEST EXAMPLE WE
CAN GIVE OF HOW THAT GOES.

00:50:34.500 --> 00:50:35.934
WE DON'T SEE JESUS BEING
LIKE PILATE, COME ON,

00:50:36.034 --> 00:50:37.100
LET'S HAVE THAT DINNER.


00:50:37.200 --> 00:50:39.834
YOU KNOW, HE WENT TO HIS
DISCIPLES AND EVEN THOUGH

00:50:39.934 --> 00:50:41.401
THERE WAS SOMEONE THERE
WHO HAD DONE SOMETHING

00:50:41.501 --> 00:50:43.801
WRONG, THERE WAS
FORGIVENESS THERE BECAUSE

00:50:43.901 --> 00:50:45.567
THERE WAS ALSO REPENTANCE.


00:50:45.667 --> 00:50:46.201
>> YES.


00:50:46.301 --> 00:50:47.001
GENUINE REPENTANCE...


00:50:47.101 --> 00:50:48.201
>> GENUINE REPENTANCE.


00:50:48.301 --> 00:50:50.234
>> IS ESSENTIAL
FOR RECONCILIATION.

00:50:50.334 --> 00:50:51.100
>> FOR RECONCILIATION.


00:50:51.200 --> 00:50:52.334
IT'S NOT ESSENTIAL
FOR FORGIVENESS.

00:50:52.434 --> 00:50:53.201
JESUS SAID, FORGIVE THEM.


00:50:53.301 --> 00:50:54.267
THEY DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY DO,

00:50:54.367 --> 00:50:59.534
BUT IT IS ESSENTIAL FOR
SAFE RECONCILIATION.

00:50:59.634 --> 00:51:00.000
>> YEAH.


00:51:00.100 --> 00:51:01.334
>> YEAH.


00:51:01.434 --> 00:51:02.567
>> I KNOW WE'RE
ALMOST OUT OF TIME.

00:51:02.667 --> 00:51:04.101
I DO WANT TO
ASK, AS A PARENT,

00:51:04.201 --> 00:51:05.900
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS SOME
OF THE MOST IMPORTANT

00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:09.067
THINGS THAT WE CAN
DO FOR OUR CHILDREN?

00:51:09.167 --> 00:51:12.701
>> TWO THINGS, LET
THEM FEEL, OKAY?

00:51:12.801 --> 00:51:15.901
AND DO NOT TEACH


00:51:16.001 --> 00:51:18.434
THEM THAT THEIR EMOTIONS
ARE IN SOME TYPE OF

00:51:18.534 --> 00:51:20.934
OPPOSITION TO GOD.


00:51:21.034 --> 00:51:22.734
HEY, WHAT DO WE DO
WHEN WE'RE AFRAID?

00:51:22.834 --> 00:51:26.301
THE BIBLE SAYS HE HASN'T
GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR.

00:51:26.401 --> 00:51:26.834
YOU HEAR THAT?


00:51:26.934 --> 00:51:27.967
JUST LIKE THAT.


00:51:28.067 --> 00:51:31.934
IT'S, IT CAN BECOME A
FORM OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE TO

00:51:32.034 --> 00:51:34.367
SUGGEST THAT MY
PAINFUL EMOTIONS ARE

00:51:34.467 --> 00:51:37.701
IN OPPOSITION TO GOD.


00:51:37.801 --> 00:51:39.968
HEY, I'M SCARED, MOM.


00:51:40.068 --> 00:51:42.334
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
WAS SCARED ONCE?

00:51:42.434 --> 00:51:43.834
JESUS.


00:51:43.934 --> 00:51:46.001
HERE HE IS IN
GETHSEMANE, EXPERIENCING

00:51:46.101 --> 00:51:47.468
THE EMOTION OF FEAR.


00:51:47.568 --> 00:51:48.734
SOMEBODY LISTENING
RIGHT NOW,

00:51:48.834 --> 00:51:51.034
JUST LIKE I WAS WITH HER TILL
SHE SAID JESUS WAS SCARED.

00:51:51.134 --> 00:51:52.434
WELL, WHY WOULD
JESUS BE BEGGING NOT

00:51:52.534 --> 00:51:54.234
TO BE CRUCIFIED?


00:51:54.334 --> 00:51:55.501
>> OH, YEAH, HE
WAS SCARED.

00:51:55.601 --> 00:51:56.101
>> RIGHT.


00:51:56.201 --> 00:51:56.901
>> HE SWEATED BLOOD.


00:51:57.001 --> 00:51:58.301
>> HE SWEATED
BLOOD BECAUSE --

00:51:58.401 --> 00:52:00.501
AND THAT'S ANOTHER REASON
WHY WE KNOW EMOTION IS

00:52:00.601 --> 00:52:01.534
A BODILY EXPERIENCE.


00:52:01.634 --> 00:52:03.901
BECAUSE FEAR DOES NOT
EXIST IN THE HEAVENLIES.

00:52:04.001 --> 00:52:06.968
HE HAD TO PUT ON A BODY
TO EXPERIENCE FEAR.

00:52:07.068 --> 00:52:10.067
AND SO TAKE YOUR CHILD TO
WHERE THEIR PAIN IS IN

00:52:10.167 --> 00:52:13.868
SCRIPTURE AND
THERE JESUS CRIED.

00:52:13.968 --> 00:52:15.034
SO IT'S OKAY.


00:52:15.134 --> 00:52:16.467
I CRY TOO SOMETIMES.


00:52:16.567 --> 00:52:19.901
LET'S CRY TOGETHER AND
THEN HOLD THEM AND BE WITH

00:52:20.001 --> 00:52:22.267
THEM IN THE MOMENT.


00:52:22.367 --> 00:52:25.434
SO ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO
HAVE THEIR FEELINGS AND DO

00:52:25.534 --> 00:52:28.801
NOT SUGGEST THAT THE
BIBLE OPPOSES THEM,

00:52:28.901 --> 00:52:31.134
OR THAT GOD IS A QUICK FIX
TO THEM AND DOESN'T WANT

00:52:31.234 --> 00:52:33.134
THEM TO HAVE
EMOTIONAL PAIN.

00:52:33.234 --> 00:52:35.701
LET THEM FEEL
HOW THEY FEEL.

00:52:35.801 --> 00:52:37.601
AND THEN ONCE THEY
FINISH FEELING AND SAY,

00:52:37.701 --> 00:52:40.334
NOW THAT YOU FEEL
A LITTLE BETTER,

00:52:40.434 --> 00:52:42.434
WHAT DO YOU THINK
WE SHOULD DO?

00:52:42.534 --> 00:52:44.501
INSTEAD OF OKAY, YOU FEAR
THAT, BUT DON'T DO THAT.

00:52:44.601 --> 00:52:45.101
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?


00:52:45.201 --> 00:52:46.501
JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.


00:52:46.601 --> 00:52:48.034
BUT IN ORDER TO DO
THAT, MOM AND DAD,

00:52:48.134 --> 00:52:49.867
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

00:52:49.967 --> 00:52:51.634
WITH YOUR OWN EMOTIONS.


00:52:51.734 --> 00:52:53.134
AND SO THAT'S THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING

00:52:53.234 --> 00:52:54.167
I THINK WE CAN DO.


00:52:54.267 --> 00:52:55.801
THE SECOND THING IS
PARENTS THAT I THINK WE

00:52:55.901 --> 00:52:58.801
CAN DO THAT IS SO CRITICAL
IS TO APOLOGIZE TO OUR

00:52:58.901 --> 00:53:01.234
CHILDREN WHEN WE'RE WRONG.


00:53:01.334 --> 00:53:03.934
I THINK IT'S SO POWERFUL.


00:53:04.034 --> 00:53:07.134
OUR CHILDREN NEED TO KNOW
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO

00:53:07.234 --> 00:53:10.101
RECOGNIZE A FAILURE
AND TO APOLOGIZE

00:53:10.201 --> 00:53:11.868
AND REMAIN IN
RELATIONSHIP.

00:53:11.968 --> 00:53:13.367
YOU KNOW WHAT?


00:53:13.467 --> 00:53:14.334
WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG.


00:53:14.434 --> 00:53:15.768
YOU HIT YOUR BROTHER.


00:53:15.868 --> 00:53:17.701
>> YEAH.


00:53:17.801 --> 00:53:21.467
>> BUT MOMMY'S RESPONSE
WAS ALSO WRONG.

00:53:21.567 --> 00:53:24.734
I, THE WAY I YELLED AT
YOU, THAT WASN'T OKAY.

00:53:24.834 --> 00:53:28.101
SO I'M REALLY SORRY FOR
YELLING THE WAY THAT I DID.

00:53:28.201 --> 00:53:29.434
IF IT'S TRUE, IT'S
OKAY TO YELL A LITTLE,

00:53:29.534 --> 00:53:31.134
BUT IF YOU LOST
IT, COME BACK.

00:53:31.234 --> 00:53:32.067
YOU KNOW WHAT?


00:53:32.167 --> 00:53:34.001
BUT MOMMY'S RESPONSE
WAS ALSO WRONG.

00:53:34.101 --> 00:53:36.767
SO I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
TO YOU FOR THAT.

00:53:36.867 --> 00:53:38.168
AND I ALSO NEED YOU
TO APOLOGIZE

00:53:38.268 --> 00:53:40.500
TO YOUR BROTHER FOR THAT.


00:53:40.600 --> 00:53:42.501
>> SO IT'S OKAY TO
HAVE THEM TO SAY

00:53:42.601 --> 00:53:43.601
YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE.


00:53:43.701 --> 00:53:44.434
>> ABSOLUTELY.


00:53:44.534 --> 00:53:45.067
>> OKAY.


00:53:45.167 --> 00:53:45.867
>> ABSOLUTELY, PEOPLE,


00:53:45.967 --> 00:53:47.501
WE SHOULD LEARN
TO OWN THAT.

00:53:47.601 --> 00:53:48.267
>> OUR STUFF.


00:53:48.367 --> 00:53:48.901
>> YOU DID SOMETHING
WRONG,

00:53:49.001 --> 00:53:49.767
YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE.


00:53:49.867 --> 00:53:50.968
ABSOLUTELY.


00:53:51.068 --> 00:53:53.967
I THINK WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL
ON TRYING TO FORCE...

00:53:54.067 --> 00:53:54.834
>> LIKE RELATIONSHIPS?


00:53:54.934 --> 00:53:55.401
>> FORGIVENESS.


00:53:55.501 --> 00:53:56.501
>> YEAH.


00:53:56.601 --> 00:53:57.668
>> YEAH, I THINK IT GOES
TOO FAR WHEN IT'S LIKE,

00:53:57.768 --> 00:53:58.801
APOLOGIZE TO YOUR BROTHER.


00:53:58.901 --> 00:54:00.700
NOW, YOU TELL YOUR BROTHER
THAT YOU ACCEPT THEIR

00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:02.101
APOLOGY AND
GIVE THEM A HUG.

00:54:02.201 --> 00:54:02.734
THAT'S WRONG.


00:54:02.834 --> 00:54:04.001
>> OKAY, I'M GLAD.


00:54:04.101 --> 00:54:05.134
>> THAT'S WRONG.


00:54:05.234 --> 00:54:06.268
THAT'S WRONG.


00:54:06.368 --> 00:54:07.101
BUT I THINK --


00:54:07.201 --> 00:54:08.167
>> BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T FORCE THAT.

00:54:08.267 --> 00:54:11.334
>> YOU CANNOT FORCE
THAT AND FORGIVENESS --

00:54:11.434 --> 00:54:12.834
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO
GET ME ON THIS ONE TOO.

00:54:12.934 --> 00:54:14.134
BUT I DECLARE IT.


00:54:14.234 --> 00:54:19.734
FORGIVENESS IS NOT ALWAYS
THE FIRST STEP IN HEALING.

00:54:19.834 --> 00:54:20.634
>> I AGREE WITH THAT.


00:54:20.734 --> 00:54:21.600
>> IT'S NOT
ALWAYS THE FIRST STEP.

00:54:21.700 --> 00:54:22.467
>> BECAUSE I DON'T
THINK YOU'RE ALWAYS

00:54:22.567 --> 00:54:24.067
READY TO FORGIVE.


00:54:24.167 --> 00:54:25.568
AND YOU NEED TO FORGIVE.


00:54:25.668 --> 00:54:27.068
>> YES, YES, WE
WILL GET THERE.

00:54:27.168 --> 00:54:28.168
>> BUT IT ALMOST IS
LIKE A,

00:54:28.268 --> 00:54:28.967
IT'S LIKE SAME AS
LIKE

00:54:29.067 --> 00:54:29.868
THE LITTLE KID THING.


00:54:29.968 --> 00:54:30.834
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE FORCING.


00:54:30.934 --> 00:54:31.501
>> YES.


00:54:31.601 --> 00:54:32.600
>> AND IT'S JUST NOT...


00:54:32.700 --> 00:54:33.100
>> YES.


00:54:33.200 --> 00:54:34.167
>> NATURAL.


00:54:34.267 --> 00:54:36.934
>> SOMETIMES PEOPLE NEED
SPACE FOR THEIR ANGER.

00:54:37.034 --> 00:54:37.934
>> TOTALLY.


00:54:38.034 --> 00:54:38.967
>> RIGHT.


00:54:39.067 --> 00:54:42.000
YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE
BEFORE I EVEN SAID,

00:54:42.100 --> 00:54:43.901
HEY, I'M ANGRY
ABOUT THAT.

00:54:44.001 --> 00:54:46.867
AND HOW IS FORGIVENESS
ACTUALLY HAPPENING IF THE

00:54:46.967 --> 00:54:50.868
OFFENSE HAS NOT
BEEN ARTICULATED,

00:54:50.968 --> 00:54:52.600
WHAT ARE YOU ASKING
FOR FORGIVENESS FOR?

00:54:52.700 --> 00:54:54.468
WHAT AM I
FORGIVING YOU FOR?

00:54:54.568 --> 00:54:56.567
MAYBE THEY DO
THIS IN 12 STEP.

00:54:56.667 --> 00:54:57.900
AND THIS IS ONE OF THE
THINGS I LIKE TO CORRECT

00:54:58.000 --> 00:55:01.101
IN THIS AREA, THAT YOU
SHOULD GO TO SOMEONE AND

00:55:01.201 --> 00:55:03.300
MAKE AMENDS FOR WHAT
YOU DID WRONG, RIGHT?

00:55:03.400 --> 00:55:06.701
AND SO WHEN MY SISTER
WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS,

00:55:06.801 --> 00:55:08.367
SHE STOLE SOMETHING
FROM ME ONCE.

00:55:08.467 --> 00:55:10.368
IF SHE GETS, SHE GOT CLEAN
AT THE END OF HER LIFE.

00:55:10.468 --> 00:55:11.667
BUT TO COME TO
ME AND SAY, HEY,

00:55:11.767 --> 00:55:12.868
I WANT TO MAKE AMENDS
FOR THAT TIME

00:55:12.968 --> 00:55:15.267
I STOLE YOUR JEANS.


00:55:15.367 --> 00:55:17.867
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT MY JEANS.

00:55:17.967 --> 00:55:21.101
I LOST MY SISTER
FOR YEARS.

00:55:21.201 --> 00:55:25.134
ASK ME WHAT THE PAIN WAS.


00:55:25.234 --> 00:55:27.101
HEY, WHAT DID IT
COST YOU?

00:55:27.201 --> 00:55:29.134
HOW DID MY ACTIONS, HOW
DID YOU EXPERIENCE THEM?

00:55:29.234 --> 00:55:31.368
LET ME SAY WHAT IT WAS.


00:55:31.468 --> 00:55:33.001
AND THEN IF YOU
WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

00:55:33.101 --> 00:55:35.534
APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT
ACTUALLY HURT ME.

00:55:35.634 --> 00:55:38.701
SO WHEN WE DON'T HEAR THE
PERSON THAT WE'VE WOUNDED,

00:55:38.801 --> 00:55:40.734
SOMETIMES WE
APOLOGIZE IN A WAY

00:55:40.834 --> 00:55:43.534
THAT ALMOST
PROTECTS OURSELVES.

00:55:43.634 --> 00:55:45.100
BUT LET ME TELL --


00:55:45.200 --> 00:55:47.867
LET ME BE WILLING TO HEAR
FROM YOU THE PAIN THAT I

00:55:47.967 --> 00:55:49.801
INFLICTED ON YOU.


00:55:49.901 --> 00:55:50.734
>> YEAH.


00:55:50.834 --> 00:55:51.268
>> A LOT OF TIMES
THAT'S VERY HEALING

00:55:51.368 --> 00:55:52.868
FOR THAT PERSON.


00:55:52.968 --> 00:55:55.100
AND THEN LET THEM
ARTICULATE WHAT IT WAS.

00:55:55.200 --> 00:55:57.134
AND ALSO, IF I'M
FORGIVING SOMEONE,

00:55:57.234 --> 00:55:58.567
I WANT TO BE
REAL ABOUT IT.

00:55:58.667 --> 00:56:01.067
YOU KNOW, LIKE, THIS
WAS REALLY BAD AND I'M

00:56:01.167 --> 00:56:03.401
FORGIVING FOR IT VERSUS
JUST GLOSSING OVER, OH,

00:56:03.501 --> 00:56:05.067
I FORGIVE YOU, I FORGIVE
YOU, I FORGIVE YOU.

00:56:05.167 --> 00:56:06.701
YOU DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU
DIDN'T REALLY LEAN INTO

00:56:06.801 --> 00:56:07.568
WHAT THE DAMAGE WAS.


00:56:07.668 --> 00:56:09.534
YOU GOT TO LABEL THE
DAMAGE BEFORE

00:56:09.634 --> 00:56:10.967
YOU FORGIVE THE DAMAGE.


00:56:11.067 --> 00:56:13.100
>> WHAT IF IT'S A PERSON
THAT'S NOT A SAFE PERSON,

00:56:13.200 --> 00:56:14.968
AND THEY'RE NOT WANTING TO
HAVE THAT CONVERSATION TO

00:56:15.068 --> 00:56:16.601
ADMIT THAT THEY'RE WRONG?


00:56:16.701 --> 00:56:17.201
>> YEAH.


00:56:17.301 --> 00:56:18.267
SO YOU DON'T HAVE --


00:56:18.367 --> 00:56:20.201
THEY DON'T HAVE TO ADMIT
THAT THEY WERE WRONG FOR

00:56:20.301 --> 00:56:21.034
YOU TO FORGIVE THEM.


00:56:21.134 --> 00:56:22.268
>> YEAH.


00:56:22.368 --> 00:56:26.067
>> BUT IT'S ALSO OKAY FOR YOU
TO ARTICULATE THE PAIN.

00:56:26.167 --> 00:56:28.968
IT'S OKAY BECAUSE MANY
TIMES WE NEED THAT.

00:56:29.068 --> 00:56:30.767
ONE OF THE
REASONS THAT WE --

00:56:30.867 --> 00:56:32.001
FORGIVENESS SOMETIMES
COMES TOO FAST.

00:56:32.101 --> 00:56:35.734
BEFORE I HAD A CHANCE TO
PROCESS THE ANGER CAN MAKE

00:56:35.834 --> 00:56:38.468
THE FORGIVENESS LESS
REAL, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T --

00:56:38.568 --> 00:56:40.168
WHEN THERE'S A
TORNADO IN A HOUSE,

00:56:40.268 --> 00:56:42.900
A HOUSE GOES DOWN, BEFORE
YOU CAN GET THE INSURANCE

00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:43.734
MONEY TO REBUILD,


00:56:43.834 --> 00:56:45.767
THEY HAVE TO
ASSESS THE DAMAGE.

00:56:45.867 --> 00:56:47.434
I GOT TO BE HONEST ABOUT
THE DAMAGE BEFORE WE TRY

00:56:47.534 --> 00:56:48.934
TO REBUILD THIS, YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

00:56:49.034 --> 00:56:50.734
AND SO IF YOU JUST
SAY I FORGIVE YOU,

00:56:50.834 --> 00:56:52.534
AND ALL YOU REALLY ARE
DOING IS TRYING TO AVOID

00:56:52.634 --> 00:56:54.434
THE PAIN OF THE MOTION
OF THE PROBLEM VERSUS

00:56:54.534 --> 00:56:56.901
ACTUALLY ASSESSING THE
DAMAGE AND LOOKING AT IT

00:56:57.001 --> 00:56:58.767
THAT FORGIVENESS IS
LESS THAN AUTHENTIC.

00:56:58.867 --> 00:56:59.501
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?


00:56:59.601 --> 00:57:00.334
>> YEAH.


00:57:00.434 --> 00:57:01.467
>> AND SO PROCESSING
THE ANGER,

00:57:01.567 --> 00:57:03.467
BEING HONEST ABOUT IT,
THAT GETS YOU TO ANOTHER

00:57:03.567 --> 00:57:07.334
PLACE TO BE WILLING TO, TO
BE ABLE TO TRULY FORGIVE.

00:57:07.434 --> 00:57:08.834
ANOTHER REASON WHY
FORGIVENESS ISN'T ALWAYS

00:57:08.934 --> 00:57:12.301
THE FIRST STEP IS BECAUSE
THE POWER DIFFERENTIAL

00:57:12.401 --> 00:57:13.734
SOMETIMES WE GOT
TO GET BACK TO --

00:57:13.834 --> 00:57:15.434
SO THIS IS WHY I DON'T
TAKE A FIVE-YEAR-OLD WHO

00:57:15.534 --> 00:57:17.234
WAS ABUSED BY AN ADULT.


00:57:17.334 --> 00:57:18.534
I DON'T WALK THAT CHILD
TO THE ADULT AND SAY,

00:57:18.634 --> 00:57:20.434
FORGIVE THEM.


00:57:20.534 --> 00:57:21.567
YOU NEVER DO THAT.


00:57:21.667 --> 00:57:23.667
WE DON'T RESCUE A WOMAN
WHO'S BEEN CHAINED IN A

00:57:23.767 --> 00:57:25.401
HOUSE BEING SEX
TRAFFICKED,

00:57:25.501 --> 00:57:27.400
PULL HER OUT OF THERE,
WRAP A BLANKET AROUND HER

00:57:27.500 --> 00:57:29.068
AND GO, HEY, BEFORE WE
GO, I NEED YOU TO

00:57:29.168 --> 00:57:30.834
FORGIVE YOUR TRAFFICKERS.


00:57:30.934 --> 00:57:32.267
NOBODY WOULD DO THAT.


00:57:32.367 --> 00:57:34.000
AND WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY WE WOULDN'T DO IT.

00:57:34.100 --> 00:57:35.134
BUT WE KNOW WE
WOULDN'T DO IT.

00:57:35.234 --> 00:57:37.568
IT'S BECAUSE THE
POWER DIFFERENTIAL.

00:57:37.668 --> 00:57:39.468
THIS PERSON HAS
BEEN POWERLESS.

00:57:39.568 --> 00:57:40.601
GIVE THEM A MOMENT.


00:57:40.701 --> 00:57:42.968
LET THEM GET TO A PLACE
WHERE THEY'RE SAFE

00:57:43.068 --> 00:57:46.034
AND THAT BRINGS THEM BACK
TO AN EMPOWERED PLACE.

00:57:46.134 --> 00:57:47.267
LET THEM DO SOME HEALING,


00:57:47.367 --> 00:57:50.501
THEN THEY HAVE THE CAPACITY
TO OFFER REAL FORGIVENESS.

00:57:50.601 --> 00:57:53.167
SO WE GOT TO JUST NOT BE
ABUSIVE WITH THE CHRISTIAN

00:57:53.267 --> 00:57:55.234
CONCEPT OF FORGIVENESS.


00:57:55.334 --> 00:57:58.534
OR WE END UP ASKING FOR
SOMETHING THAT'S NOT REAL.

00:57:58.634 --> 00:57:59.101
>> WOW.


00:57:59.201 --> 00:58:00.301
>> YEAH.


00:58:00.401 --> 00:58:01.401
>> WELL, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH AN
INCREDIBLE CONVERSATION.

00:58:01.501 --> 00:58:02.434
>> OH MAN, I LOVE IT.


00:58:02.534 --> 00:58:03.301
WE COVERED SO MUCH.


00:58:03.401 --> 00:58:04.401
>> I KNOW.


00:58:04.501 --> 00:58:07.034
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE AND FOR ANYONE

00:58:07.134 --> 00:58:08.967
THAT WANTS TO
GET THE BOOK,

00:58:09.067 --> 00:58:10.001
WHERE CAN THEY GET IT?


00:58:10.101 --> 00:58:11.301
>> ANYWHERE BOOKS ARE SOLD.


00:58:11.401 --> 00:58:13.701
<i>THE GARDEN WITHIN: WHERE
THE WAR WITH YOUR EMOTIONS</i>

00:58:13.801 --> 00:58:16.167
<i>ENDS AND YOUR MOST
POWERFUL LIFE BEGINS.</i>

00:58:16.267 --> 00:58:18.867
IT HAS BEEN ONE OF MY
GREATEST PRIVILEGES IN

00:58:18.967 --> 00:58:22.401
LIFE TO BRING YOU THIS
WORD FROM THE LORD.

00:58:22.501 --> 00:58:24.700
AND THAT'S WHAT
THE BOOK REALLY IS.

00:58:24.800 --> 00:58:27.068
A HARD, HARD ONE.


00:58:27.168 --> 00:58:28.234
>> YEAH.


00:58:28.334 --> 00:58:30.067
AND SO IT'S REALLY FROM MY
HEART TO, TO EVERY HEART.

00:58:30.167 --> 00:58:31.901
IT MEANS A LOT TO
ME TO SHARE THIS.

00:58:32.001 --> 00:58:33.501
>> WELL, THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR EVERYTHING.

00:58:33.601 --> 00:58:34.300
>> THANK YOU.