WEBVTT



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>> REBECCA WEISS: HEY, GUYS,


00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:11.067
WELCOME BACK
TO THE PODCAST.

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I AM JOINED WITH
JOSHUA BROOME,

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AND WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK,

00:00:15.967 --> 00:00:19.533
<i>7 LIES THAT
WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.</i>

00:00:19.633 --> 00:00:22.367
WHAT MY JOURNEY FROM PORN
STAR TO PREACHER TAUGHT ME

00:00:22.467 --> 00:00:24.367
ABOUT THE TRUTH
THAT SETS US FREE.

00:00:24.467 --> 00:00:25.900
AND WE'RE GONNA GET
INTO YOUR TESTIMONY,

00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:27.500
BECAUSE IT IS AMAZING.


00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:28.800
BUT THEN WE'RE
GONNA TRANSITION,

00:00:28.900 --> 00:00:29.733
SO YOU'RE GONNA
WANT TO STAY TUNED

00:00:29.833 --> 00:00:30.866
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA BE
TALKING ABOUT

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FINDING YOUR IDENTITY
IN CHRIST

00:00:32.634 --> 00:00:34.967
AND OPERATING
IN YOUR GIFTING.

00:00:35.067 --> 00:00:37.534
SO I LOVE THAT,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

00:00:37.634 --> 00:00:39.967
WE JUST HAD DALE MAST ON.


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HE'S A PROPHET,
HE WRITES BOOKS.

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AND HE SAYS THAT AN
EVANGELIST WILL WAR

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FOR YOUR SOUL,


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HE SAYS, A PROPHET WILL
WAR FOR YOUR IDENTITY.

00:00:46.567 --> 00:00:47.400
>> YEAH.


00:00:47.500 --> 00:00:48.633
>> AND SO WE NEED TO
GET PEOPLE SAVED,

00:00:48.733 --> 00:00:49.900
BUT THEN WE ALSO NEED TO
GET PEOPLE WALKING IN

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THE FULLNESS THAT
GOD HAS FOR THEM.

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>> ABSOLUTELY.


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>> SO THERE'S MORE
THAN JUST ONE STEP.

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AND IT'S ALL IMPORTANT.


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SO, LET'S GET TO YOU.


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SO, TELL US ABOUT
GROWING UP,

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YOUR FAMILY SITUATION, AND
WHAT THAT WAS LIKE FOR YOU.

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>> SO I GREW UP IN A SMALL
TOWN IN SOUTH CAROLINA,

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AND MY MOM WAS 15 WHEN SHE
GOT PREGNANT WITH ME,

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16 WHEN SHE HAD ME.


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AND MY DAD WAS
THE SAME AGE.

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AND, YOU KNOW, THAT IN
ITSELF WAS COMPLICATED,

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BUT, YOU KNOW, HE WAS
NEVER IN MY LIFE.

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SO HE LIVED IN THE TOWN,


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IT WAS A SMALL TOWN,


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SO I WOULD SEE HIM
IN THAT TOWN,

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BUT I NEVER HAD A
RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

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AND AS A KID GROWING UP,


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YOU KNOW, WHAT DOESN'T
MAKE SENSE TO YOU,

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YOU TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF.


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>> YEAH.


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>> AND THE WAY THAT
I DID THAT WAS,

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WELL, IF HE'S
ACROSS THE STREET

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AND HE'S CHOOSING
NOT TO BE MY DAD,

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THEN MAYBE IT'S
SOMETHING WITH ME.

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SO I MUST BE THE PROBLEM,


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SO MAYBE I CAN
BE THE SOLUTION.

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AND THEN I JUST
TOOK, YOU KNOW,

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ALL THE GOD-GIVEN THINGS,


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LIKE HOW TO ACHIEVE
A PERSONALITY

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AND THE ATTENTION
TO DETAIL.

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AND SOME OF THE THINGS
THAT GOD GAVE ME

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THAT I STILL
OPERATE IN TODAY,

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BUT BECAUSE OF SIN AND
BECAUSE OF, YOU KNOW,

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LOOKING AT YOUR LIFE


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THROUGH A BROKEN LENS,


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I THOUGHT MAYBE
IF I HAD ENOUGH,

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BECOME ENOUGH, DO ENOUGH,


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MAYBE THEN AND ONLY
THEN I WOULD BE ENOUGH.

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AND THAT LED TO
A LOT OF THINGS,

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BUT ULTIMATELY, THERE
WERE TWO MOMENTS WHERE

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I STARTED MODELING AND
ACTING AROUND 12 OR 13,

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AND I SAW PORNOGRAPHY


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AROUND 12 OR 13.


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AND NOT HAVING THE
GUIDELINES OR GUARDRAILS,

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FROM, YOU KNOW,
ANYONE, REALLY,

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ABOUT INTIMACY, SEX,
RELATIONSHIPS,

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I DIDN'T HAVE A
BIBLICAL FOUNDATION.

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THE WORLD'S GONNA
EDUCATE YOU ON WHAT

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THE WORLD IS GONNA
EDUCATE YOU ON,

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REGARDLESS OF
WHAT YOU KNOW.

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SO IF WE'RE NOT PREPARED
FOR THE WORLD,

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THEN THE WORLD'S
GONNA BE OUR TEACHER,

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AND WHAT THE WORLD
TAUGHT ME WAS,

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YOU KNOW, THIS IS
SOMETHING YOU'RE

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MISSING OUT ON.


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THIS IS SOMETHING
IF YOU HAVE,

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YOU'LL FEEL DIFFERENTLY.


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AND SO PARTYING,
SEX, ALL THIS STUFF

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BECAME A PART OF MY LIFE.


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AND THAT LED INTO
COLLEGE, ME DOING THAT,

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JUST AT A HEIGHTENED,
YOU KNOW, TICK

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BECAUSE NOW I'M REMOVED
FROM THE ACCOUNTABILITY

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OF MY MOM AND MY
GRANDPARENTS.

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>> WAS YOUR MOM AND
YOUR GRANDPARENTS

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VERY INVOLVED
IN YOUR LIFE?

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>> VERY MUCH SO.


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>> WERE THEY TRYING TO
TEACH YOU ABOUT GOD AT ALL?

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>> MY GRANDPARENTS
WERE, BUT --

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I'LL SAY IT LIKE, MY MOM WAS
SOMEONE THAT TRADITIONALLY,

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SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE
SAID SHE WAS A CHRISTIAN.

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>> CULTURAL?


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>> YEAH.


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BECAUSE AT THE
END OF THE DAY,

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IF YOU DO NOT
INDIVIDUALLY HAVE,

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LIKE AN INDIVIDUAL
INDEPENDENCE ON THE PERSON

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OF JESUS CHRIST,
THEN YOU DON'T HAVE

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A RELATIONSHIP WITH
GOD THROUGH JESUS.

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AND I WOULD SAY IF I PRESSED
HER ON THAT BACK THEN,

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SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE
POINTED TO HER PARENTS,

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NOT HER POSITION
LIKE THROUGH CHRIST.

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>> YEAH, HER
PARENTS' FAITH.

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>> YEAH.


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SO I WOULD SAY LIKE
THERE WAS, YOU KNOW,

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THAT MOMENT IN TIME WHERE WE
LIVED WITH MY GRANDPARENTS

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UNTIL I WAS LIKE
SEVEN OR EIGHT.

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SO THAT WAS A LARGE
PART OF OUR LIFE,

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BUT ONCE MY MOM
LEFT THERE,

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IT WAS, YOU KNOW,
EASTER, CHRISTMAS.

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IF WE WERE AT OUR
GRANDPARENTS,

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THEN THAT WAS A
PART OF MY LIFE.

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BUT OUTSIDE OF THAT, NO.


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>> WAS THERE EVER
A FATHER FIGURE?

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DID YOU HAVE
ANY SIBLINGS,

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OR WAS IT JUST
YOU AND YOUR MOM?

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>> SO MY MOM GOT
MARRIED WHEN I WAS --

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THAT'S WHY WE LEFT.


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MY MOM GOT MARRIED
WHEN SHE WAS --

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WHEN I WAS ABOUT SEVEN
OR EIGHT YEARS OLD.

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AND IT WAS A REALLY
BAD SITUATION.

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HE WAS A HORRIFIC PERSON.


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A LOT OF ABUSE, DRUGS,
THINGS LIKE THAT.

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BUT IT WAS VERY
SHORT-LIVED,

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ABOUT A FOUR-YEAR PERIOD.


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SO OUTSIDE OF THAT, SO
SHE LEFT TO BE WITH HIM

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AND THEN LEFT THAT
RELATIONSHIP.

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>> DID YOU GO
WITH HER AND HIM?

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>> YEAH.


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>> SO, I MEAN, FOUR
YEARS, THOUGH,

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THAT WAS YOUR
FORMATIVE YEARS.

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>> YEAH.


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I MEAN THERE'S --


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YEAH.


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SO, I MEAN, I THINK
BECAUSE THERE'S LIKE

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MOMENTS IN TIME


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WHERE, LIKE, TRAUMA
SOMETIMES LIVES

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IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS,


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AND THERE WAS A MOMENT
WHERE MY MOM WAS BEING ABUSED.

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SO THERE WAS A DRESSER
PUSHED AGAINST THE WALL.

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AND AS LIKE A
TEN-YEAR-OLD,

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I THOUGHT I WAS
STRONG AT THE TIME.

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AND I WAS PUSHING
AGAINST THE DOOR

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WHERE THE DRESSER WAS
PUSHED AGAINST THE DOOR,

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AND I COULD GET IT
CRACKED OPEN JUST ENOUGH

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TO SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING.


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BUT THE FEELING
OF WEAKNESS,

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IN THAT I COULDN'T
GET THE DOOR OPEN.

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AND IF THERE WAS ANYTHING
ABOUT ME THAT I WAS SURE OF,

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IT WAS THAT I WAS
MY MOTHER'S SON.

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LIKE, IF I NEEDED
SOMETHING, SHE WAS THERE.

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IF I WAS SCARED, SHE
WOULD PROTECT ME,

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NO MATTER WHAT.


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SO I WAS LIKE, YEAH,
I AM MY MOTHER'S SON.

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THAT'S THE THING
I'M MOST PROUD OF.

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THAT'S THE THING
I'M MOST SURE OF.

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BUT WHEN I COULDN'T
GET THE DOOR OPEN,

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AND I COULDN'T EVEN
PROTECT MY OWN MOM

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FROM BEING HARMED
IN THAT WAY,

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IT WAS ALMOST LIKE
SATAN SAYING,

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SEE, YOU CAN'T
EVEN HELP HER.

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LIKE, WHAT GOOD ARE YOU?


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AND THAT'S SOMETHING
THAT MARKED ME

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THAT UNTIL I WENT
THROUGH COUNSELING,

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I HAD SUPPRESSED THAT.


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BUT, YEAH,
THERE WAS NO --

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OTHER THAN
COACHES IN SPORTS

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WHERE MY
BASKETBALL COACH,

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COACH B, MY
BASKETBALL COACH,

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HE WAS SOMEONE WHO CALLED
ME OUT AND CALLED ME UP.

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BUT THAT WAS LIKE SEASONAL
AND HE WASN'T

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INVOLVED IN MY LIFE


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LIKE, OUTSIDE
OF BASKETBALL.

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SO NO ONE REALLY TO KIND
OF STEP INTO THAT VOID.

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>> YEAH.


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AND YOU'RE MAKING A
REALLY IMPORTANT POINT,

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WHICH IS THAT WHEN WE
EXPERIENCE PAIN AND TRAUMA,

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THE ENEMY COMES IN
AND WHISPERS LIES

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ABOUT OUR IDENTITY THAT
A LOT OF TIMES

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WE BELIEVE UNKNOWINGLY.


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ESPECIALLY WHEN
WE'RE LITTLE

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AND WE DON'T REALLY
UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON

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AND WE'RE TRYING TO
MAKE SENSE OF THINGS.

00:06:42.267 --> 00:06:44.233
AND SO WHAT YOU'RE
POINTING TO IS SO IMPERATIVE

00:06:44.333 --> 00:06:45.700
THAT WHEN WE GET SAVED,


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THAT WE BEGIN THAT
PROCESS OF INNER HEALING

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AND UNDOING THE LIES THE
ENEMY HAS SPOKEN OVER US

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THAT ARE ROOTED
IN THAT PAIN.

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>> YEAH.


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I MEAN, ESSENTIALLY THAT'S
WHAT THE BOOK IS ABOUT.

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SO IT'S<i>7 LIES THAT
WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE,</i>

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BUT IT'S REALLY LIKE,
WHAT'S THE BOOK ABOUT?

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WELL, THE
SYNOPSIS WOULD BE

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LIKE ROMANS 12:2,


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IN THAT WE'RE EITHER BEING
CONFORMED BY THE WORLD

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OR BEING TRANSFORMED BY
THE RENEWING OF OUR MIND.

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>> YEAH.


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>> MEANING THAT
THERE IS A, YOU KNOW,

00:07:08.967 --> 00:07:11.267
A RULER OF THIS AGE,


00:07:11.367 --> 00:07:13.634
YOU KNOW, SATAN,


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THAT WANTS TO
WHISPER LIES TO YOU.

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BUT HERE'S THE REALITY.


00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:22.400
NOT ONLY DO YOU NEED TO
NOT BELIEVE THE LIE,

00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:25.067
THE LIE NEEDS TO
BE DECONSTRUCTED

00:07:25.167 --> 00:07:26.800
AND REPLACED WITH TRUTH.


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SO THE BOOK IS ABOUT,
HEY, THIS IS A LIE

00:07:28.800 --> 00:07:31.200
THAT I BELIEVE FROM
CULTURE THAT'S POPULAR

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AND THIS IS HOW
IT INFILTRATED

00:07:34.167 --> 00:07:36.600
AND WAS, YOU KNOW,
DESTRUCTIVE IN MY LIFE.

00:07:36.700 --> 00:07:40.400
BUT ALSO, HERE'S THE TRUTH
FROM THE WORD OF GOD

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AND HOW IT NOT ONLY
DESTROYED THE LIE,

00:07:42.467 --> 00:07:44.667
BUT IT BUILT A FOUNDATION
THAT WAS WORTH STANDING ON,

00:07:44.767 --> 00:07:46.167
AND IT WILL DO
THE SAME FOR YOU.

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>> AND WHAT'S SO
IMPORTANT IS,

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AND IT TOOK ME, REALLY,


00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:51.500
30-SOMETHING YEARS OF
LIFE TO UNDERSTAND THIS,

00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:54.733
IS THERE'S A DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN KNOWING SOMETHING,

00:07:54.833 --> 00:07:56.200
LIKE IN YOUR HEAD
LIKE KNOWLEDGE,

00:07:56.300 --> 00:07:58.900
AND ACTUALLY KNOWING
IT IN YOUR HEART.

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AND THAT'S WHERE THE
BREAKTHROUGH HAPPENS,

00:08:00.733 --> 00:08:02.600
WHERE IT'S NOT JUST, OH,
I KNOW GOD LOVES ME,

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OR I KNOW LIKE
THAT INFORMATION,

00:08:05.200 --> 00:08:06.667
BUT DOES YOUR HEART
ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT?

00:08:06.767 --> 00:08:09.334
>> YEAH. BECAUSE, I MEAN,
IT'S EASY TO BELIEVE

00:08:09.434 --> 00:08:10.967
AN OVERARCHING
TRUTH IN THAT,

00:08:11.067 --> 00:08:12.800
LIKE GOD LOVES ALL PEOPLE.


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>> MM-HMM.


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>> BUT IT'S MORE DIFFICULT
TO SAY THAT GOD LOVES ME.

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BECAUSE IT'S IN OUR
NATURE TO BELIEVE,

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WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS?


00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:29.033
WHAT ABOUT THIS
THING THAT I DID?

00:08:29.133 --> 00:08:30.667
THIS THING THAT I SAID?


00:08:30.767 --> 00:08:32.134
YOU KNOW, THE THING
THAT I DIDN'T DO

00:08:32.234 --> 00:08:34.600
THAT I OUGHT TO HAVE DONE?


00:08:34.700 --> 00:08:37.233
OR WHY DID I ALLOW
THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME?

00:08:37.333 --> 00:08:39.500
AND THEN YOU START TO
BLAME GOD FOR THINGS

00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:41.666
AND DISQUALIFY
YOURSELF FROM THINGS.

00:08:41.766 --> 00:08:43.166
AND ALL OF THAT
IS FROM SATAN,

00:08:43.266 --> 00:08:44.366
IT'S NOT FROM GOD.


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>> SO YOU GET INTO
MODELING AND ACTING.

00:08:46.934 --> 00:08:48.766
>> YEAH.


00:08:48.866 --> 00:08:50.633
>> AND YOU START
EXCELLING IN THAT.

00:08:50.733 --> 00:08:52.500
AND YOU DECIDE
TO MOVE TO L.A.

00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:53.600
CAN YOU KIND OF TALK
ABOUT THAT PROCESS?

00:08:53.700 --> 00:08:54.733
>> YEAH.


00:08:54.833 --> 00:08:56.467
I MEAN, I'M JUST KIND
OF IN A PLACE WHERE

00:08:56.567 --> 00:08:59.233
I WAS DOING FASHION WEEK
IN MIAMI AND PARIS,

00:08:59.333 --> 00:09:00.300
LIKE THINGS LIKE THAT.


00:09:00.400 --> 00:09:01.633
>> HOW OLD WERE YOU
WHEN YOU MOVED TO L.A.?

00:09:01.733 --> 00:09:03.300
>> SO I WAS 21
WHEN I MOVED TO --

00:09:03.400 --> 00:09:04.700
WHEN I MOVED TO L.A.


00:09:04.800 --> 00:09:05.767
>> DID YOU THINK LIKE
THAT'S WHERE YOU

00:09:05.867 --> 00:09:07.100
WOULD HAVE TO GO


00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:09.233
TO REALLY SUCCEED
IN THAT FIELD?

00:09:09.333 --> 00:09:12.900
>> YEAH. WELL, SO, I HAD
AN AGENT THERE THAT WAS --

00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:14.566
THAT I WORKED
WITH SOMETIMES,

00:09:14.666 --> 00:09:15.466
BUT ULTIMATELY
THEY WERE LIKE,

00:09:15.566 --> 00:09:17.233
IT WOULD BE
ADVANTAGEOUS FOR YOU

00:09:17.333 --> 00:09:18.400
TO BE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY


00:09:18.500 --> 00:09:20.066
OF THE INDUSTRY
YOU WANT TO BE IN.

00:09:20.166 --> 00:09:20.867
>> WHERE MEDIA IS.


00:09:20.967 --> 00:09:22.334
>> YEAH.


00:09:22.434 --> 00:09:25.134
WITH MODELING, IT WAS
MORE LIKE SEASONAL

00:09:25.234 --> 00:09:27.367
OR LIKE THERE WAS
THIS FASHION WEEK,

00:09:27.467 --> 00:09:29.933
FASHION WEEK HERE OR
THERE'S A SHOW COMING HERE.

00:09:30.033 --> 00:09:31.633
LIKE COMMERCIAL STUFF,
A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

00:09:31.733 --> 00:09:32.967
BUT FOR ACTING,
IT'S LIKE, OKAY,

00:09:33.067 --> 00:09:34.400
IT'S MORE OF A GRIND.


00:09:34.500 --> 00:09:35.866
SO IF YOU WANT TO
GO ON AUDITIONS

00:09:35.966 --> 00:09:37.800
AND YOU WANT TO
DO THIS STUFF,

00:09:37.900 --> 00:09:40.300
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE IN
THE THICK OF THINGS

00:09:40.400 --> 00:09:43.200
AND I CAN SAY, HEY,
THERE'S ACTUALLY AN OPENING

00:09:43.300 --> 00:09:46.600
FOR SOMEONE TO
READ TOMORROW,

00:09:46.700 --> 00:09:48.034
THIS IS GONNA BE
BENEFICIAL TO YOU.

00:09:48.134 --> 00:09:49.900
SO SHE AGREED
TO REPRESENT ME

00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:51.933
IF I LIVED IN A
CLOSER PROXIMITY.

00:09:52.033 --> 00:09:54.300
SO I DECIDED
TO MOVE THERE,

00:09:54.400 --> 00:09:55.933
WITH THE UNDERSTANDING
THAT MY CAREER WAS GOING

00:09:56.033 --> 00:09:57.133
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,


00:09:57.233 --> 00:09:58.900
I HAD SOMEONE OFFERING
ME AN OPPORTUNITY TO

00:09:59.000 --> 00:10:00.933
REPRESENT ME,


00:10:01.033 --> 00:10:02.367
AND SHE WAS GOING
TO PLUG ME INTO

00:10:02.467 --> 00:10:03.734
LIKE A DREAM OF MINE,


00:10:03.834 --> 00:10:05.800
WHICH WAS LIKE BEGINNING
TO TRAIN AT THE IMPROV.

00:10:05.900 --> 00:10:08.066
SO THAT WAS JUST
A HUGE DEAL TO ME.

00:10:08.166 --> 00:10:09.100
>> OH, WOW.


00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:10.267
>> SO TO DO ALL THAT,


00:10:10.367 --> 00:10:11.900
I WAS LIKE, MAN,
THIS IS HUGE.

00:10:12.000 --> 00:10:13.034
THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME.


00:10:13.134 --> 00:10:15.867
AND ALL THESE THINGS
ARE HAPPENING.

00:10:15.967 --> 00:10:18.200
AND I'M GETTING
OPPORTUNITIES

00:10:18.300 --> 00:10:19.933
AND, YOU KNOW,
LIFE WAS GOOD.

00:10:20.033 --> 00:10:21.133
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS NO
REASON FOR ME

00:10:21.233 --> 00:10:22.934
TO DO WHAT I DID,


00:10:23.034 --> 00:10:26.167
YET THE BROKEN
PIECES OF ME,

00:10:26.267 --> 00:10:28.733
BECAUSE I THINK IT'S SO
IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND,

00:10:28.833 --> 00:10:32.000
LIKE IF YOU DON'T
HAVE LIKE --

00:10:32.100 --> 00:10:34.800
CRAIG GROESCHEL TALKS ABOUT
THE POWER OF PRE-DECISION.

00:10:34.900 --> 00:10:37.133
AND IT'S ONE
THING TO SAY,

00:10:37.233 --> 00:10:38.900
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.


00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:41.300
BUT IT'S ANOTHER
THING TO SAY,

00:10:41.400 --> 00:10:43.600
I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS


00:10:43.700 --> 00:10:47.034
BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY
IS DESTRUCTIVE

00:10:47.134 --> 00:10:49.300
AND OUT OF ALIGNMENT
TO THE PERSON

00:10:49.400 --> 00:10:51.433
I'M COMMITTED TO BEING.


00:10:51.533 --> 00:10:55.266
AND BECAUSE I'M COMMITTED
TO LIVING BY THESE CORE VALUES,

00:10:55.366 --> 00:10:56.833
IF IT DOES NOT
FURTHER THE VALUES

00:10:56.933 --> 00:10:58.667
AND THE MISSION THAT
I'M COMMITTED TO,

00:10:58.767 --> 00:11:01.700
THEN IT'S A DETERRENT.


00:11:01.800 --> 00:11:03.367
SO WHY WOULD I DO
SOMETHING THAT IS LIKE

00:11:03.467 --> 00:11:05.367
KNOWINGLY DESTRUCTIVE


00:11:05.467 --> 00:11:07.066
TO SOMETHING I'M
COMMITTED TO?

00:11:07.166 --> 00:11:09.334
SO IF I DON'T
KNOW THAT --

00:11:09.434 --> 00:11:11.567
JAY STRINGER HAS THIS
BOOK CALLED,<i>UNWANTED,</i>

00:11:11.667 --> 00:11:13.434
AND HE'S TALKING
ABOUT HABITUAL SIN.

00:11:13.534 --> 00:11:17.000
PEOPLE ARE 84
PERCENT LESS LIKELY

00:11:17.100 --> 00:11:19.133
TO FALL VICTIM
TO HABITUAL SIN

00:11:19.233 --> 00:11:21.933
IF THEY CAN ARTICULATE
THEIR GOD-GIVEN CALLING.

00:11:22.033 --> 00:11:23.000
>> REALLY?


00:11:23.100 --> 00:11:25.367
>> LIKE NOT LIKE, WELL,
WE'RE ALL CALLED TO

00:11:25.467 --> 00:11:26.533
FULFILL THE GREAT
COMMISSION.

00:11:26.633 --> 00:11:30.667
BUT LIKE, TO LIKE YOU,
LIKE WHAT ARE YOU CALLED TO?

00:11:30.767 --> 00:11:32.967
AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE
TO HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

00:11:33.067 --> 00:11:33.867
>> YEAH.


00:11:33.967 --> 00:11:35.633
BUT HAVING LIKE A
SENSE OF IDENTITY.

00:11:35.733 --> 00:11:39.133
>> REALLY LIKE
HAVING AN ARTICULABLE,

00:11:39.233 --> 00:11:40.234
LIKE MISSION STATEMENT
FOR YOUR LIFE.

00:11:40.334 --> 00:11:41.334
>> YEAH.


00:11:41.434 --> 00:11:42.367
THAT'S SO POWERFUL.


00:11:42.467 --> 00:11:43.367
>> YEAH.


00:11:43.467 --> 00:11:45.500
BECAUSE, AGAIN, IF I'M
COMMITTED TO THIS,

00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:46.800
LIKE, OKAY.


00:11:46.900 --> 00:11:49.633
IT'S LIKE, JUST LIKE IF
I HAVE A FITNESS GOAL,

00:11:49.733 --> 00:11:51.767
IT'S LIKE, OKAY, IF I
HAVE A FITNESS GOAL,

00:11:51.867 --> 00:11:54.533
WELL, THESE OREOS ARE
GONNA BE A DETERRENT

00:11:54.633 --> 00:11:55.600
FOR MY GOAL


00:11:55.700 --> 00:11:57.966
SO I'M NOT GONNA
INGEST SOMETHING

00:11:58.066 --> 00:12:00.533
THAT'S GOING TO
IMPACT MY OUTPUT.

00:12:00.633 --> 00:12:01.500
BUT, YEAH.


00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:02.800
SO IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING
WAS GOING GREAT,

00:12:02.900 --> 00:12:05.267
AND I GET THERE --


00:12:05.367 --> 00:12:08.100
>> HOW LONG WERE YOU THERE
BEFORE YOU GOT APPROACHED?

00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:11.933
>> LIKE ALMOST, ALMOST
A LITTLE OVER A YEAR.

00:12:12.033 --> 00:12:13.467
LIKE ALMOST TWO YEARS.


00:12:13.567 --> 00:12:15.634
BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE RIGHT
BEFORE I TURNED 23.

00:12:15.734 --> 00:12:19.033
I GOT THERE RIGHT
AFTER MY 21ST BIRTHDAY.

00:12:19.133 --> 00:12:21.566
AND THIS HAPPENED RIGHT
BEFORE I TURNED 23.

00:12:21.666 --> 00:12:25.433
AND I GET APPROACHED,
AND A GROUP OF GIRLS,

00:12:25.533 --> 00:12:27.366
IT WAS LIKE A GROUP
OF GORGEOUS GIRLS

00:12:27.466 --> 00:12:29.234
WALK UP TO ME AND
THEY'RE LIKE,

00:12:29.334 --> 00:12:31.200
HEY, WOULD YOU EVER BE
INTERESTED IN DOING PORN?

00:12:31.300 --> 00:12:34.367
I'M LIKE, THIS IS
THE MOST WEIRD THING

00:12:34.467 --> 00:12:37.100
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED
TO ME IN MY LIFE.

00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:39.633
I'M LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.


00:12:39.733 --> 00:12:41.134
>> YOU'RE SO YOUNG, TOO.


00:12:41.234 --> 00:12:42.766
>> YEAH.


00:12:42.866 --> 00:12:47.267
AND I'LL SAY LIKE YOUNG
AND I HAD NO CLUE WHO I WAS

00:12:47.367 --> 00:12:48.334
OR WHAT I WANTED TO DO.


00:12:48.434 --> 00:12:49.933
>> YEAH.


00:12:50.033 --> 00:12:51.633
>> AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S
LIKE WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE

00:12:51.733 --> 00:12:53.134
A GOOD REASON TO SAY NO,


00:12:53.234 --> 00:12:55.000
YOU'LL SAY YES TO
SOMETHING THAT, LIKE,

00:12:55.100 --> 00:12:56.867
IF YOU HAD ASKED ME,
HEY, IS THIS A BAD IDEA?

00:12:56.967 --> 00:12:57.667
YES.


00:12:57.767 --> 00:12:59.100
TERRIBLE IDEA.


00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:00.267
DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS?


00:13:00.367 --> 00:13:02.700
NO, NOT REALLY.


00:13:02.800 --> 00:13:05.733
BUT IT'S LIKE YOU ARE
SO IMPRESSIONABLE,

00:13:05.833 --> 00:13:09.734
YOU'RE LIVING YOUR LIFE
BASED UPON THE OPINIONS

00:13:09.834 --> 00:13:12.833
AND REACTION OF
OTHER PEOPLE.

00:13:12.933 --> 00:13:14.200
AND I WAS JUST
LIKE, GOSH,

00:13:14.300 --> 00:13:17.633
I FEEL CHOSEN AND
SEEN IN THIS MOMENT,

00:13:17.733 --> 00:13:21.134
AND LIKE, IT SEEMS
SOMEWHAT, YOU KNOW, INTERESTING.

00:13:21.234 --> 00:13:22.400
MAYBE I'LL JUST
CHECK IT OUT.

00:13:22.500 --> 00:13:26.166
AND I THOUGHT, OKAY, IF
I GO TO THIS MEETING

00:13:26.266 --> 00:13:30.267
WITH THIS AGENT AND HE'S
LIKE SOME WEIRD DUDE,

00:13:30.367 --> 00:13:32.433
LIKE PICKING LINT OUT
OF HIS BELLYBUTTON

00:13:32.533 --> 00:13:36.233
AT LIKE A MOTEL, I'M
JUST GONNA LEAVE.

00:13:36.333 --> 00:13:39.167
BUT I GET THERE AND
IT'S AT THIS LIKE GIANT

00:13:39.267 --> 00:13:40.833
BUSINESS COMPLEX


00:13:40.933 --> 00:13:43.967
ADJACENT TO UNIVERSAL
STUDIOS IN STUDIO CITY.

00:13:44.067 --> 00:13:46.167
AND THERE'S, YOU KNOW,
THEY BRING ME INTO

00:13:46.267 --> 00:13:48.234
LIKE THE UNDERGROUND
PARKING GARAGE.

00:13:48.334 --> 00:13:51.333
AND THERE'S, YOU KNOW, BIMMERS
AND BENTLEYS EVERYWHERE.

00:13:51.433 --> 00:13:55.400
AND I WALK THROUGH
AND IT'S LIKE,

00:13:55.500 --> 00:13:56.633
IT'S SO STRANGELY SIMILAR


00:13:56.733 --> 00:13:59.034
BECAUSE AS I'M WALKING
THROUGH THE HALLWAY,

00:13:59.134 --> 00:14:00.433
TO GO TOWARDS HIS OFFICE,


00:14:00.533 --> 00:14:02.700
AS I WALK INTO
THE AGENCY,

00:14:02.800 --> 00:14:05.900
IN THE SAME WAY THAT
AT MY MODELING AGENCY,

00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:07.300
THERE'S, YOU KNOW,
PICTURES OF PEOPLE

00:14:07.400 --> 00:14:11.167
WHO MADE COVERS
FOR GQ AND MAXIM

00:14:11.267 --> 00:14:13.067
AND SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

00:14:13.167 --> 00:14:16.667
SO IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
BUT IT'S JUST LIKE

00:14:16.767 --> 00:14:18.967
PORNOGRAPHY MAGAZINES,


00:14:19.067 --> 00:14:20.234
BUT IT'S PEOPLE
THAT HE REPRESENTS

00:14:20.334 --> 00:14:21.634
THAT WERE ON COVERS.


00:14:21.734 --> 00:14:23.433
SO IT'S LIKE ALL
THESE MAGAZINES.

00:14:23.533 --> 00:14:26.366
AND I'M LIKE, THIS IS
WEIRD BUT FAMILIAR.

00:14:26.466 --> 00:14:30.267
AND I WALK IN AND I, A
RECEPTIONIST TAKES ME

00:14:30.367 --> 00:14:31.366
TO HIS OFFICE


00:14:31.466 --> 00:14:32.867
AND I SIT THERE
AND HE SAID, HEY,

00:14:32.967 --> 00:14:34.334
I WANT TO ASK YOU
THREE QUESTIONS.

00:14:34.434 --> 00:14:35.967
HOW DID YOU GROW UP?


00:14:36.067 --> 00:14:36.933
>> INTERESTING.


00:14:37.033 --> 00:14:37.900
>> SUPER INTERESTING.


00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:39.767
SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE
A GIANT RED FLAG.

00:14:39.867 --> 00:14:41.667
>> YEAH.


00:14:41.767 --> 00:14:43.966
>> BUT, YOU KNOW,
SUPER NAIVE.

00:14:44.066 --> 00:14:45.567
>> YEAH, YOU'RE
LIKE 22, 23.

00:14:45.667 --> 00:14:46.533
>> YEAH.


00:14:46.633 --> 00:14:48.767
IT'S LIKE HOW'D
YOU GROW UP?

00:14:48.867 --> 00:14:50.233
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN L.A.?


00:14:50.333 --> 00:14:52.733
AND WHAT DO YOU
HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH?

00:14:52.833 --> 00:14:55.200
AND I WAS LIKE, WELL,
GREW UP PRETTY MUCH

00:14:55.300 --> 00:14:56.533
JUST ME AND MY MOM.


00:14:56.633 --> 00:15:00.267
SO, AGAIN, IT'S LIKE
A VALUE PROPOSITION IN THAT

00:15:00.367 --> 00:15:03.033
IS THERE INFORMATION
THAT I CAN EXTRACT FROM YOU

00:15:03.133 --> 00:15:04.534
SO THAT I CAN
USE LANGUAGE

00:15:04.634 --> 00:15:05.867
TO MANIPULATE YOU
TO GET YOU TO DO

00:15:05.967 --> 00:15:07.833
WHAT I WANT FOR MY GOOD.


00:15:07.933 --> 00:15:09.167
LIKE, THAT'S WHAT THE
INDUSTRY IS BUILT ON,

00:15:09.267 --> 00:15:10.167
MANIPULATION,


00:15:10.267 --> 00:15:12.667
COERCION, FRAUD.


00:15:12.767 --> 00:15:14.800
AND SO HE'S LIKE, OKAY.


00:15:14.900 --> 00:15:16.367
I'M IN L.A.


00:15:16.467 --> 00:15:17.600
IN THIS CREATIVE SPACE


00:15:17.700 --> 00:15:19.533
DOING WHAT A LOT OF PEOPLE
OUT THERE ARE ALREADY DOING,

00:15:19.633 --> 00:15:20.833
SO NOTHING REALLY THERE.


00:15:20.933 --> 00:15:21.467
AND THIRDLY I SAY,


00:15:21.667 --> 00:15:23.667
I GUESS I WANT
TO BE FAMOUS.

00:15:23.767 --> 00:15:26.567
AND I THINK THAT IN
ITSELF IS DANGEROUS.

00:15:26.667 --> 00:15:28.733
AND WE LIVE IN A
GENERATION THAT,

00:15:28.833 --> 00:15:31.866
YOU KNOW, WE LIVE IN THE
MOST CONNECTED GENERATION

00:15:31.966 --> 00:15:33.834
IN THE HISTORY OF TIME
BECAUSE OF SOCIAL MEDIA.

00:15:33.934 --> 00:15:35.000
>> YEAH.


00:15:35.100 --> 00:15:38.033
>> BUT EVIDENCE SAYS WE'RE
IN THE MOST DISCONNECTED

00:15:38.133 --> 00:15:40.300
GENERATION IN THE
HISTORY OF TIME

00:15:40.400 --> 00:15:42.767
BECAUSE YOU CAN BE
EVERYWHERE

00:15:42.867 --> 00:15:43.833
IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE


00:15:43.933 --> 00:15:45.267
BUT BE INCREDIBLY ALONE.


00:15:45.367 --> 00:15:47.433
>> YEAH.


00:15:47.533 --> 00:15:50.500
>> SO, I THINK, YOU
KNOW, JUST ME SAYING,

00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:52.133
I WANT TO BE FAMOUS,


00:15:52.233 --> 00:15:53.500
I WASN'T SAYING
THAT, WELL,

00:15:53.600 --> 00:15:56.733
I WANT TO HAVE
A GREAT CAREER

00:15:56.833 --> 00:15:59.700
AND UTILIZE GIFTINGS
THAT I HAVE

00:15:59.800 --> 00:16:02.600
TO TELL STORIES,
TO IMPACT PEOPLE.

00:16:02.700 --> 00:16:05.333
NO, I'M SAYING,
IF I DO ENOUGH,

00:16:05.433 --> 00:16:07.200
MAYBE I'LL FEEL
IMPORTANT ENOUGH

00:16:07.300 --> 00:16:08.966
AND THAT WOULD MITIGATE
THE DEFICIT THAT I HAVE

00:16:09.066 --> 00:16:11.066
BECAUSE I REALLY FEEL
TERRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF.

00:16:11.166 --> 00:16:12.334
>> EXACTLY.


00:16:12.434 --> 00:16:14.500
I THINK YOU HIT ON
SUCH A GOOD POINT

00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:17.767
BECAUSE YOU HAD THIS
GIFTING IN YOU,

00:16:17.867 --> 00:16:19.466
AND THE GIFTING WAS GOOD


00:16:19.566 --> 00:16:20.800
AND THAT WAS
ACTUALLY GOOD DESIRE

00:16:20.900 --> 00:16:23.134
BECAUSE WE SHOULD OPERATE
IN OUR GIFTINGS,

00:16:23.234 --> 00:16:24.567
BUT THE WANTING
TO BE FAMOUS,

00:16:24.667 --> 00:16:26.233
AND I'VE NOTICED THIS
WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE

00:16:26.333 --> 00:16:28.600
WHO GET INTO
THE INDUSTRY,

00:16:28.700 --> 00:16:30.433
EVEN IN CELEBRITIES,
MUSICIANS,

00:16:30.533 --> 00:16:33.000
ALL THOSE INDUSTRIES,
THE MEDIA INDUSTRIES,

00:16:33.100 --> 00:16:34.534
THEY GO IN WANTING FAME


00:16:34.634 --> 00:16:37.233
BECAUSE THEY THINK
FAME WILL FILL A VOID

00:16:37.333 --> 00:16:39.666
THAT THAT INSECURITY,
THAT ROUGH UPBRINGING,

00:16:39.766 --> 00:16:42.200
YOU KNOW, THESE DIFFERENT
STRUGGLES THAT THEY HAVE

00:16:42.300 --> 00:16:43.633
AND THEN THEY GET
INTO THE INDUSTRY

00:16:43.733 --> 00:16:45.233
AND IT DOESN'T DO THAT.


00:16:45.333 --> 00:16:46.167
>> YOU KNOW
WHAT'S WILD IS,

00:16:46.267 --> 00:16:48.467
WHEN YOU BECOME A
FOLLOWER OF JESUS,

00:16:48.567 --> 00:16:51.167
WE'VE BECOME A
CARRIER OF THIS,

00:16:51.267 --> 00:16:52.667
WE'RE A RECONCILIATION


00:16:52.767 --> 00:16:54.834
AND WE BECOME AN
AMBASSADOR FOR CHRIST.

00:16:54.934 --> 00:16:56.634
SO EACH AND EVERY PERSON
IS A FOLLOWER OF JESUS.

00:16:56.734 --> 00:17:00.433
LIKE, WE CARRY A LIGHT TO
ILLUMINATE THE SPIRIT.

00:17:00.533 --> 00:17:03.634
SO EACH AND EVERY
PERSON LIKE IS

00:17:03.734 --> 00:17:05.900
CREATED TO BE
ATTRACTIONAL,

00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:09.134
BUT THE THING IS
THAT WE ARE --

00:17:09.234 --> 00:17:10.900
WHEN PEOPLE GRAVITATE
TOWARDS US,

00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:12.534
WE ARE TO POINT PEOPLE
TOWARDS CHRIST.

00:17:12.634 --> 00:17:13.934
>> YEAH.


00:17:14.034 --> 00:17:16.234
>> BUT THAT CAN BE
EASILY MISAPPROPRIATED.

00:17:16.334 --> 00:17:17.333
>> YEAH.


00:17:17.433 --> 00:17:18.900
>> AND POINT TO US
OR SOMETHING ELSE.

00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:19.600
>> YEAH.


00:17:19.700 --> 00:17:20.934
AND YOU HAVE A GOOD POINT.


00:17:21.034 --> 00:17:23.500
EVERYONE WANTS
SIGNIFICANCE.

00:17:23.600 --> 00:17:26.000
AND IT'S LIKE ALL THESE
THINGS GOD CREATED US FOR,

00:17:26.100 --> 00:17:27.467
IT WAS JUST IN
A DIFFERENT WAY.

00:17:27.567 --> 00:17:28.500
>> YEAH.


00:17:28.600 --> 00:17:31.100
>> SO WAS THE GUY,
WAS HE OLD, THE EXEC,

00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:33.434
DID HE LOOK SUCCESSFUL?


00:17:33.534 --> 00:17:34.367
>> YEAH.


00:17:34.467 --> 00:17:35.900
I MEAN HE WAS SITTING
THERE LIKE IN,

00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:38.433
YOU KNOW, HE WAS
AN ENGLISH GUY,

00:17:38.533 --> 00:17:41.867
LIKE HE HAD A
THREE-PIECE SUIT.

00:17:41.967 --> 00:17:44.367
LIKE, BIG FAT, LIKE,
DOUBLE WINDSOR TIE.

00:17:44.467 --> 00:17:46.934
AND, YOU KNOW, LIKE
BIG OL' ROLEX ON

00:17:47.034 --> 00:17:48.267
AND ALL THIS STUFF.


00:17:48.367 --> 00:17:50.767
I BET FOR ME, YOU
KNOW, JUST LIKE, HEY,

00:17:50.867 --> 00:17:52.533
ALL THIS STUFF.


00:17:52.633 --> 00:17:54.233
WHAT'S SO INTERESTING
IS HE WAS LIKE,

00:17:54.333 --> 00:17:56.467
OKAY, YOU'VE GOT
ACTING EXPERIENCE.

00:17:56.567 --> 00:17:59.067
WELL, THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE
IN THE PORN INDUSTRY,

00:17:59.167 --> 00:18:01.467
WE'RE ACTUALLY SHIFTING TO
LIKE PARROTING MOVIES

00:18:01.567 --> 00:18:02.400
AND THINGS LIKE THAT


00:18:02.500 --> 00:18:03.966
AND YOU'LL BE THE
LEAD IN THE MOVIES,

00:18:04.066 --> 00:18:07.000
AND YOU'RE A GOOD-LOOKING
GUY, SO, YOU KNOW,

00:18:07.100 --> 00:18:09.066
YOU CAN GET ALL THIS FAME


00:18:09.166 --> 00:18:10.434
AND YOU'LL HAVE
THIS FAN BASE.

00:18:10.534 --> 00:18:13.700
AND YOU'LL MAKE
ALL THIS MONEY.

00:18:13.800 --> 00:18:17.133
THE SCARIEST THING IS HE
DID NOT TELL ONE LIE.

00:18:17.233 --> 00:18:18.034
>> OH, WOW.


00:18:18.134 --> 00:18:20.200
>> YOU'LL BE FAMOUS.


00:18:20.300 --> 00:18:22.233
YOU KNOW, ALL
THESE THINGS.

00:18:22.333 --> 00:18:24.900
AND ALL THESE
THINGS CAME TRUE.

00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:27.733
BUT THE PICTURE THAT
HE WAS PAINTING,

00:18:27.833 --> 00:18:30.766
LIKE, I WOULD SAY EVEN
PORNOGRAPHY IN GENERAL,

00:18:30.866 --> 00:18:33.066
THE MOST DANGEROUS THING
ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY

00:18:33.166 --> 00:18:35.533
IS THAT IT WORKS.


00:18:35.633 --> 00:18:38.767
IN THAT, IT NUMBS WHAT
YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL,

00:18:38.867 --> 00:18:39.600
>> LIKE A DRUG.


00:18:39.700 --> 00:18:40.733
>> YEAH.


00:18:40.833 --> 00:18:42.834
IT DISTRACTS YOU FROM WHAT
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE.

00:18:42.934 --> 00:18:45.900
IT MEDICATES YOU IN A WAY


00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:47.100
THAT NUMBS YOU
FROM THE PAIN

00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:49.033
THAT YOU MIGHT
BE EXPERIENCING.

00:18:49.133 --> 00:18:51.600
IT WON'T GIVE YOU THE
CLOSENESS AND THE INTIMACY

00:18:51.700 --> 00:18:53.466
THAT YOUR HEART'S
CRAVING,

00:18:53.566 --> 00:18:55.900
BUT IT WILL
GIVE YOU THIS,

00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.267
ALMOST A SYNTHETIC
REPRESENTATION OF WHAT

00:18:59.367 --> 00:19:01.000
YOU MIGHT THINK
YOU'RE CRAVING,

00:19:01.100 --> 00:19:02.700
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY
A COUNTERFEIT

00:19:02.800 --> 00:19:04.334
AND IT'S REALLY
BAD FOR YOU.

00:19:04.434 --> 00:19:05.700
>> AND IT WILL NEVER
FIX THE PROBLEM.

00:19:05.800 --> 00:19:06.833
>> NO.


00:19:06.933 --> 00:19:09.200
BECAUSE WHAT YOU'RE
CRAVING IS CLOSENESS TO GOD.

00:19:09.300 --> 00:19:11.633
LIKE, INTIMACY
RIGHTLY UNDERSTOOD

00:19:11.733 --> 00:19:13.800
WHEN WE LOOK AT WHAT THE
BIBLE'S TALKING ABOUT

00:19:13.900 --> 00:19:15.634
IS PROXIMITY TO GOD.


00:19:15.734 --> 00:19:18.500
LIKE YOUR HEART CREATES
CONNECTION WITH THE CREATOR.

00:19:18.600 --> 00:19:20.367
LIKE, THAT'S THE THING
YOU'RE LONGING FOR.

00:19:20.467 --> 00:19:24.000
BUT WE THINK, WELL, I CAN
GET THAT ANY OTHER WAY

00:19:24.100 --> 00:19:26.400
BUT DO WHAT
GOD SAID TO DO.

00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:29.300
AND FOR ME, NUMBER ONE,
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT,

00:19:29.400 --> 00:19:32.200
BUT ALSO I WAS BEING
PRESENTED WITH

00:19:32.300 --> 00:19:33.467
A COUNTERFEIT GOSPEL,


00:19:33.567 --> 00:19:35.966
IN THAT IF YOU
LIVE FOR YOU,

00:19:36.066 --> 00:19:37.900
YOU WILL BE HAPPY BECAUSE
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU EVERYTHING

00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:40.033
THAT YOU THINK YOU WANT.


00:19:40.133 --> 00:19:42.934
AND I THINK IN A REALLY
WILD WAY TO LOOK AT,

00:19:43.034 --> 00:19:44.700
LIKE ROMANS 2:4 TALKS
ABOUT GOD'S LOVE,

00:19:44.800 --> 00:19:46.000
HIS KINDNESS,
HIS PATIENCE,

00:19:46.100 --> 00:19:48.133
IT LEADS US INTO
REPENTANCE.

00:19:48.233 --> 00:19:51.333
I THINK GOD ALLOWED ME TO
EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING

00:19:51.433 --> 00:19:53.367
THAT I THOUGHT
WOULD FIX MY LIFE

00:19:53.467 --> 00:19:56.134
SO I WOULD REALIZE
IT WOULDN'T.

00:19:56.234 --> 00:19:59.833
SO, YOU KNOW, HE PAINTS
THIS PICTURE OF ALL THIS STUFF,

00:19:59.933 --> 00:20:03.266
BUT I THINK LIKE TO JUST
KIND OF STOP AND SAY,

00:20:03.366 --> 00:20:04.467
LIKE, IS THE
PORN INDUSTRY,

00:20:04.567 --> 00:20:08.167
LIKE BUILT ON MANIPULATION
AND COERCION?

00:20:08.267 --> 00:20:09.233
YES.


00:20:09.333 --> 00:20:12.300
BECAUSE AFTER HE SAID
I'LL MAKE YOU FAMOUS,

00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.100
YOU'LL MAKE
ALL THIS MONEY.

00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:18.833
OKAY, WHAT NAME DO
YOU WANT TO GO BY?

00:20:18.933 --> 00:20:22.900
BECAUSE IF I CAN GET YOU
TO LOOK AT YOURSELF

00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:27.333
IN A DIFFERENT ASPECT
OF YOUR HUMANITY

00:20:27.433 --> 00:20:28.900
OR YOUR IDENTITY,


00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:32.300
LIKE YOU WILL DO THINGS
IF I CALL YOU THIS,

00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:36.000
THAT YOU WOULD NEVER DO.


00:20:36.100 --> 00:20:37.033
>> KIND OF LIKE
DISASSOCIATE.

00:20:37.133 --> 00:20:37.967
>> YES.


00:20:38.067 --> 00:20:39.134
IT'S COMPLETE
DISASSOCIATION BECAUSE

00:20:39.234 --> 00:20:40.300
YOU'RE BELIEVING


00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:41.833
THAT YOU'RE
REMOVING YOURSELF

00:20:41.933 --> 00:20:44.200
FROM ANY ACCOUNTABILITY
OR CONSEQUENCES.

00:20:44.300 --> 00:20:45.434
>> LIKE THAT'S NOT
ME, THAT'S SO AND SO.

00:20:45.534 --> 00:20:46.934
>> YEAH. YEAH.


00:20:47.034 --> 00:20:48.800
I MEAN, THE SAME WAY PEOPLE DO
THAT ON SOCIAL MEDIA,

00:20:48.900 --> 00:20:51.567
LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE
ANTAGONIST ON SOCIAL MEDIA,

00:20:51.667 --> 00:20:54.467
OR EVEN YOU LOOK
AT LIKE NICKNAMES

00:20:54.567 --> 00:20:57.800
OF LIKE HOMELESS PEOPLE
WILL GO BY A DIFFERENT NAME.

00:20:57.900 --> 00:20:59.033
>> AND CELEBRITIES.


00:20:59.133 --> 00:20:59.834
THEY HAVE STAGE NAMES.


00:20:59.934 --> 00:21:01.200
>> YEAH.


00:21:01.300 --> 00:21:04.167
I FEEL LIKE IF I
REMOVE ME FROM ME,

00:21:04.267 --> 00:21:06.600
THEN IT'S NOT TRULY ME
DOING THESE THINGS.

00:21:06.700 --> 00:21:07.967
>> DANG, THAT'S CRAZY.


00:21:08.067 --> 00:21:09.166
>> BECAUSE WHAT IT DOES,


00:21:09.266 --> 00:21:11.734
IT REMOVES YOU FROM THE
MOST INTRINSIC PART OF YOU.

00:21:11.834 --> 00:21:13.034
>> WHICH WOULD BE
YOUR CONSCIENCE.

00:21:13.134 --> 00:21:13.967
>> YEAH.


00:21:14.067 --> 00:21:15.000
>> YEAH.


00:21:15.100 --> 00:21:16.333
WHICH WOULD BE TELLING
YOU DON'T DO THIS.

00:21:16.433 --> 00:21:17.334
>> RIGHT.


00:21:17.434 --> 00:21:20.200
>> SO THAT INDUSTRY
IS VERY INTELLIGENT

00:21:20.300 --> 00:21:23.567
IN HOW THEY HAVE A WAY OF
KNOWING HOW TO RECRUIT.

00:21:23.667 --> 00:21:26.233
BECAUSE YOU HAD A
REALLY GOOD POINT,

00:21:26.333 --> 00:21:27.934
LIKE YOU NEVER WENT
SEEKING THIS OUT.

00:21:28.034 --> 00:21:29.067
>> YEAH.


00:21:29.167 --> 00:21:31.700
>> THEY HAVE TO BE
STRATEGIC IN RECRUITING PEOPLE

00:21:31.800 --> 00:21:33.367
AND THEN
MANIPULATING PEOPLE

00:21:33.467 --> 00:21:35.600
AND KEEPING PEOPLE THERE.


00:21:35.700 --> 00:21:36.967
AND I MEAN, WHEN
I INTERVIEWED,

00:21:37.067 --> 00:21:39.033
I INTERVIEWED ANOTHER
PORN STAR, BRITTNI,

00:21:39.133 --> 00:21:40.700
AND SHE TOLD ME
ABOUT HOW --

00:21:40.800 --> 00:21:42.000
I'VE ACTUALLY INTERVIEWED
TWO OTHER PEOPLE

00:21:42.100 --> 00:21:43.367
WHO HAVE DONE PORN,


00:21:43.467 --> 00:21:44.967
AND THEY TALK ABOUT HOW
THEY KEEP YOU IN THERE

00:21:45.067 --> 00:21:46.333
AND HOW THEY GET
YOU TO DO THINGS

00:21:46.433 --> 00:21:47.200
YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.


00:21:47.300 --> 00:21:48.967
AND IT'S LIKE THIS SLOW,


00:21:49.067 --> 00:21:49.967
HOW YOU MOVE
FURTHER AND DRIFT

00:21:50.067 --> 00:21:51.034
FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY.


00:21:51.134 --> 00:21:52.200
>> YEAH.


00:21:52.300 --> 00:21:54.134
BECAUSE THE INDUSTRY,
SPECIFICALLY TO THE GIRLS --

00:21:54.234 --> 00:21:55.267
>> WHICH IS REALLY
MESSED UP, BY THE WAY.

00:21:55.367 --> 00:21:56.067
>> YEAH.


00:21:56.167 --> 00:21:56.900
SUPER MESSED UP.


00:21:57.000 --> 00:21:58.133
>> THEY DON'T
CARE ABOUT Y'ALL.

00:21:58.233 --> 00:21:59.067
>> NO.


00:21:59.167 --> 00:22:01.100
WELL, NO, YOU'RE A
VALUE PROPOSITION.

00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:03.467
ONCE I EXTRACT ALL THE
VALUE THAT I CAN OUT OF YOU,

00:22:03.567 --> 00:22:06.134
YOU'RE NO LONGER OF VALUE.


00:22:06.234 --> 00:22:07.667
AND IT'S LIKE IN
THAT INDUSTRY ALSO,

00:22:07.767 --> 00:22:10.367
THE GIRLS HAVE A NO LIST.


00:22:10.467 --> 00:22:11.367
>> YEAH, SHE
TALKED ABOUT THAT.

00:22:11.467 --> 00:22:12.200
>> LIKE THINGS THEY
DON'T WANT TO DO,

00:22:12.300 --> 00:22:13.867
BUT THE WAY IT WORKS IS,


00:22:13.967 --> 00:22:18.633
YOU KNOW, IT'S, A, I DON'T
WANT TO DO X, Y AND Z.

00:22:18.733 --> 00:22:20.767
WELL, AND THEN YOU STAY IN
THE INDUSTRY FOR A BIT,

00:22:20.867 --> 00:22:23.367
AND THEN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
THAT PERSON DO THAT

00:22:23.467 --> 00:22:26.066
AND THEN THEIR AGENT GOES
TO A BUNCH OF STUDIOS

00:22:26.166 --> 00:22:30.767
AND SAYS, HEY, HOW MUCH TO
SEE THIS PERSON DO

00:22:30.867 --> 00:22:32.734
THIS ACT THEY'VE NEVER DONE?


00:22:32.834 --> 00:22:33.600
OKAY, 50,000?


00:22:33.700 --> 00:22:34.634
PERFECT.


00:22:34.734 --> 00:22:36.200
AND THEN THEY'LL GO TO,
YOU KNOW, THE GIRL

00:22:36.300 --> 00:22:38.933
AND SAY, HEY,
OUT OF NOWHERE,

00:22:39.033 --> 00:22:40.400
THIS STUDIO CAME
UP TO ME AND SAID,

00:22:40.500 --> 00:22:43.967
THEY'LL GIVE YOU $50,000
IF YOU DO THIS THING.

00:22:44.067 --> 00:22:45.533
I KNOW YOU SAID YOU
DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT.

00:22:45.633 --> 00:22:48.600
BUT HERE'S THE THING, I
HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING

00:22:48.700 --> 00:22:51.466
AS MANY REQUESTS
AS USUAL FOR YOU,

00:22:51.566 --> 00:22:53.466
AND YOUR POPULARITY HAS
DROPPED A LITTLE BIT,

00:22:53.566 --> 00:22:55.400
BUT ONCE YOU
DO THIS THING,

00:22:55.500 --> 00:22:56.867
YOU'LL BE POPULAR AGAIN


00:22:56.967 --> 00:22:59.067
AND YOU'LL START
WORKING A LOT AGAIN.

00:22:59.167 --> 00:23:02.266
AND THEN THEY DO IT AND
JUST BECOMES

00:23:02.366 --> 00:23:03.766
SOMETHING THEY DO.


00:23:03.866 --> 00:23:04.666
BECAUSE AT THE
END OF THE DAY,

00:23:04.766 --> 00:23:06.300
LIKE IN THE
PORN INDUSTRY,

00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:09.700
YOUR NO DOESN'T MEAN
NO, IT MEANS HOW MUCH?

00:23:09.800 --> 00:23:10.866
>> YEAH.


00:23:10.966 --> 00:23:12.433
AND IT'S GIVING YOU THAT
FALSE SENSE OF LIKE RESPECT,

00:23:12.533 --> 00:23:14.100
OH, YOU CAN
MAKE A NO LIST

00:23:14.200 --> 00:23:15.233
AND WE WON'T ASK YOU,


00:23:15.333 --> 00:23:16.367
BUT REALLY THEY'RE
LIKE, OKAY,

00:23:16.467 --> 00:23:17.534
THIS IS WHAT WE'VE GOT TO
ASK THEM DOWN THE LINE.

00:23:17.634 --> 00:23:18.633
>> YEAH.


00:23:18.733 --> 00:23:20.567
AND EVEN DEEPER AND
DARKER THAN THAT,

00:23:20.667 --> 00:23:23.333
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TOLD,


00:23:23.433 --> 00:23:26.200
BECAUSE LIKE, THE
GIRLS THEY WILL GET,

00:23:26.300 --> 00:23:30.533
ESSENTIALLY THEY'LL GET
LIKE RAPED AND ABUSED ON SET

00:23:30.633 --> 00:23:34.834
BY DIRECTORS
AND IT'S CRAZY.

00:23:34.934 --> 00:23:35.800
>> IT'S A CRAZY INDUSTRY.


00:23:35.900 --> 00:23:36.933
>> IT IS.


00:23:37.033 --> 00:23:38.733
IT'S SAD AND BROKEN AND IN
NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM,

00:23:38.833 --> 00:23:41.367
IS IT A LEGITIMATE
INDUSTRY.

00:23:41.467 --> 00:23:42.900
>> OR ETHICAL.


00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:44.033
>> YEAH.


00:23:44.133 --> 00:23:46.100
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS
ETHICAL PORN, NUMBER ONE.

00:23:46.200 --> 00:23:48.033
>> EVEN THOUGH THEY TRY
TO SAY THAT THERE IS.

00:23:48.133 --> 00:23:49.934
>> YEAH, IT'S INSANE.


00:23:50.034 --> 00:23:52.500
BECAUSE IF IT'S ETHICAL,
THEN WHY IS THE AVERAGE

00:23:52.600 --> 00:23:54.000
AGE EXPECTANCY


00:23:54.100 --> 00:23:56.167
OF A PERSON IN THE
PORN INDUSTRY 33,

00:23:56.267 --> 00:23:58.200
AND WHY IS THERE
AN ASTRONOMICAL

00:23:58.300 --> 00:24:00.900
YOU KNOW, 45 PEOPLE,
45 PEOPLE WHO I WAS

00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:01.967
IN THE INDUSTRY WITH


00:24:02.067 --> 00:24:04.700
THAT I KNOW PERSONALLY,
HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE

00:24:04.800 --> 00:24:06.534
OR DIED OF OVERDOSE.


00:24:06.634 --> 00:24:07.600
NOW, I WANT TO
PAINT A PICTURE,

00:24:07.700 --> 00:24:08.967
IT'S LIKE WHEN I
SAY PORN INDUSTRY,

00:24:09.067 --> 00:24:11.034
I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT LIKE ONLY FANS.

00:24:11.134 --> 00:24:12.767
I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE PORN INDUSTRY.

00:24:12.867 --> 00:24:14.767
SO THINK ABOUT
A HIGH SCHOOL

00:24:14.867 --> 00:24:16.567
WITH A THOUSAND PEOPLE


00:24:16.667 --> 00:24:19.733
AND 45 PEOPLE THAT WERE
IN YOUR GRADUATING CLASS

00:24:19.833 --> 00:24:20.733
COMMITTED SUICIDE.


00:24:20.833 --> 00:24:23.667
THINK ABOUT THE
POWER OF THAT.

00:24:23.767 --> 00:24:25.433
THINK ABOUT THE
WEIGHT OF THAT.

00:24:25.533 --> 00:24:27.300
>> THAT WOULD BE STUDIED,
LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

00:24:27.400 --> 00:24:27.967
>> YEAH.


00:24:28.067 --> 00:24:28.767
>> YEAH.


00:24:28.867 --> 00:24:30.234
>> AND THAT'S
WHAT'S HAPPENING.

00:24:30.334 --> 00:24:31.400
>> BUT NO ONE
TALKS ABOUT IT

00:24:31.500 --> 00:24:32.366
BECAUSE THEY DON'T
WANT TO DO ANYTHING

00:24:32.466 --> 00:24:33.133
TO THAT INDUSTRY.


00:24:33.233 --> 00:24:33.934
>> RIGHT.


00:24:34.034 --> 00:24:35.034
>> YEAH.


00:24:35.134 --> 00:24:36.234
>> I MEAN, IT'S A HUNDRED
BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY.

00:24:36.334 --> 00:24:37.500
IT MAKES MORE
MONEY THAN THE NBA,

00:24:37.600 --> 00:24:38.567
MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL,


00:24:38.667 --> 00:24:40.300
AND THE NFL ALL COMBINED.


00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:41.467
>> I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S
THE INDUSTRIES

00:24:41.567 --> 00:24:42.800
THAT MAKE THE MOST MONEY


00:24:42.900 --> 00:24:44.334
THAT ARE THE
MOST UNETHICAL

00:24:44.434 --> 00:24:46.233
AND NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT,


00:24:46.333 --> 00:24:48.667
LIKE HOW POWERFUL THEY ARE
AND HOW MUCH MONEY THEY HAVE.

00:24:48.767 --> 00:24:50.400
AND WHEN YOU'RE GENERATING
THAT MUCH INCOME,

00:24:50.500 --> 00:24:52.100
A, YOU'RE GONNA DO
ANYTHING TO KEEP IT GOING.

00:24:52.200 --> 00:24:54.900
AND, B, YOU HAVE THE
POWER TO AVOID

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:56.267
A LOT OF TIMES, SCRUTINY.


00:24:56.367 --> 00:24:57.500
>> ABSOLUTELY.


00:24:57.600 --> 00:25:01.100
BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE
FINANCIAL MEANS TO DO,

00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:02.900
EVEN LIKE LEGAL,


00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:05.333
LIKE LITIGATION.


00:25:05.433 --> 00:25:08.267
BUT I JUST WANT TO
MAKE THAT LAST POINT

00:25:08.367 --> 00:25:09.967
AROUND THAT, THAT KNOW,
BECAUSE IN THE INDUSTRY,

00:25:10.067 --> 00:25:15.000
LIKE THE GIRLS, IT'S LIKE
THEIR AGENT WILL TELL THEM,

00:25:15.100 --> 00:25:16.667
DON'T BE DIFFICULT ON SET


00:25:16.767 --> 00:25:18.900
BECAUSE THEY WON'T WANT
TO HIRE YOU ANYMORE.

00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.400
SO THERE'S THIS
BELIEF OF,

00:25:22.500 --> 00:25:24.933
THE ONLY THING I
CAN SAY YES TO --

00:25:25.033 --> 00:25:28.667
BECAUSE, AGAIN, THE
CONSTANT ANTAGONISTIC COMMENTS

00:25:28.767 --> 00:25:31.400
OF LIKE, ARE YOU
DATING ANYONE?

00:25:31.500 --> 00:25:32.800
OF COURSE NOT.


00:25:32.900 --> 00:25:33.733
OR IT'S IN THE INDUSTRY,


00:25:33.833 --> 00:25:34.866
OR WHO ARE YOU
GONNA MARRY?

00:25:34.966 --> 00:25:36.700
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
PUT ON YOUR RESUME?

00:25:36.800 --> 00:25:37.600
>> YEAH, WHERE
ARE YOU GONNA GO?

00:25:37.700 --> 00:25:38.534
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA
WORK AFTER THIS?

00:25:38.634 --> 00:25:39.267
>> YEAH.


00:25:39.367 --> 00:25:40.400
IT'S THIS CONSTANTLY --


00:25:40.500 --> 00:25:43.000
IT'S THIS CONSTANT
BELITTLING

00:25:43.100 --> 00:25:44.233
AND IT STOPS BEING,


00:25:44.333 --> 00:25:45.100
THIS IS NOT
SOMETHING YOU DO,

00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:47.700
THIS IS WHO YOU ARE.


00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:50.100
SO THAT'S WHY
LIKE, YOU KNOW,

00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:53.067
OUT OF THE 45 PEOPLE
WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE

00:25:53.167 --> 00:25:54.500
OR DIED OF OVERDOSE,


00:25:54.600 --> 00:25:58.133
MANY OF THEM TRIED TO
LEAVE THE INDUSTRY

00:25:58.233 --> 00:26:02.133
AND TRIED TO BUILD A LIFE
OUTSIDE OF THE INDUSTRY.

00:26:02.233 --> 00:26:04.434
BUT THE WORLD WOULD GO
UP TO THEM AND SAY,

00:26:04.534 --> 00:26:05.900
HEY, YOU SEE ON MY PHONE,


00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:07.333
YOU SAY THAT YOUR
NAME'S THIS,

00:26:07.433 --> 00:26:09.234
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO --


00:26:09.334 --> 00:26:16.100
MY FRIEND CAGNEY, SHE GREW
UP AS A LITTLE GIRL

00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:17.266
LOVING DANCE.


00:26:17.366 --> 00:26:19.300
DANCE WAS AN IMPORTANT
PART OF HER LIFE.

00:26:19.400 --> 00:26:21.566
IT WAS LIKE HER
AND HER MOM,

00:26:21.666 --> 00:26:23.000
THEY CONNECTED
IN THAT WAY.

00:26:23.100 --> 00:26:24.300
SHE LOVED IT.


00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:27.000
SHE'S LIKE I GOT THE FINANCIAL
MEANS TO DO SO.

00:26:27.100 --> 00:26:28.467
MAN, I LOVE DANCE SO MUCH.


00:26:28.567 --> 00:26:31.400
I'M GOING TO OPEN A DANCE
STUDIO AND HIRE REALLY GOOD

00:26:31.500 --> 00:26:33.333
DANCE TEACHERS AND
SHE'S NOT TEACHING IT.

00:26:33.433 --> 00:26:35.900
SHE'S JUST LIKE, I JUST
WANT TO CREATE A SPACE

00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:38.466
FOR LITTLE GIRLS TO
BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

00:26:38.566 --> 00:26:41.533
AND SHE OPENS UP A
DANCE STUDIO IN OHIO

00:26:41.633 --> 00:26:44.166
AND IT'S GOING WELL, BUT THEN
ONE PERSON FINDS OUT

00:26:44.266 --> 00:26:46.733
WHO OWNS IT AND WHO'S BEHIND IT,


00:26:46.833 --> 00:26:49.567
AND THEY START SENDING
PHOTOS TO ALL THE PARENTS,

00:26:49.667 --> 00:26:52.034
AND PHOTOS TO THE WEBSITE
BECAUSE THEY CONTINUE

00:26:52.134 --> 00:26:54.100
SAYING LIKE I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

00:26:54.200 --> 00:26:55.666
LIKE, THIS IS WHO YOU ARE.


00:26:55.766 --> 00:26:58.033
LIKE, SEE MY PHONE,
SEE THIS PORN THAT'S STILL --

00:26:58.133 --> 00:26:59.667
YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT BE FROM
TWO OR THREE YEARS AGO.

00:26:59.767 --> 00:27:00.534
FIVE YEARS AGO,


00:27:00.634 --> 00:27:01.634
TEN YEARS AGO.


00:27:01.734 --> 00:27:03.433
THIS IS WHO YOU ARE.


00:27:03.533 --> 00:27:04.900
>> I KNOW. IT KIND OF CAN
HAUNT YOU

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:06.567
BECAUSE THE INTERNET --


00:27:06.667 --> 00:27:07.567
>> AND THEN --


00:27:07.667 --> 00:27:08.700
>> NEVER GOES AWAY.


00:27:08.800 --> 00:27:10.000
>> AND SO SHE POSTED
A PICTURE OF HERSELF

00:27:10.100 --> 00:27:13.766
ON THE BEACH SAYING THIS IS,
YOU KNOW, THIS IS HAPPINESS.

00:27:13.866 --> 00:27:16.533
AND THEN LESS THAN A DAY
AFTER THAT

00:27:16.633 --> 00:27:18.800
SHE HUNG HERSELF.


00:27:18.900 --> 00:27:22.733
AND THAT IS THE STORY OF
MANY OF THOSE PEOPLE

00:27:22.833 --> 00:27:25.633
BECAUSE LIKE
HAPPINESS CANNOT BE FOUND.

00:27:25.733 --> 00:27:29.067
BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY,
LIKE PEACE AND FORGIVENESS

00:27:29.167 --> 00:27:31.734
AND ALL OF THAT,
IT CAN ONLY BE FOUND

00:27:31.834 --> 00:27:34.200
IN CHRIST AND IF THEY
DON'T FIND CHRIST,

00:27:34.300 --> 00:27:35.833
THEN THEY TRULY
ARE HOPELESS.

00:27:35.933 --> 00:27:37.500
>> AND THE WORLD
IS SO CRUEL.

00:27:37.600 --> 00:27:38.633
>> YEAH.


00:27:38.733 --> 00:27:40.034
>> YOU KNOW, THE WORLD
IS NOT GOING TO BE --

00:27:40.134 --> 00:27:40.967
HE'S UNDERSTANDING.


00:27:41.067 --> 00:27:41.800
HE'S FORGIVING.


00:27:41.900 --> 00:27:42.566
HE'S ACCEPTING.


00:27:42.666 --> 00:27:43.400
HE'S LOVING.


00:27:43.500 --> 00:27:44.500
BUT THE WORLD IS NOT.


00:27:44.600 --> 00:27:48.334
>> YEAH, I WOULD SAY AND
THAT'S WHY I LOVE SHARING

00:27:48.434 --> 00:27:50.733
MY TESTIMONY WITH SO MUCH
TRANSPARENCY BECAUSE

00:27:50.833 --> 00:27:53.200
AT THE END AT THE
END OF THE DAY,

00:27:53.300 --> 00:27:57.800
YOU EITHER ARE OWNED
BY YOUR PAST OR YOU OWN IT.

00:27:57.900 --> 00:27:58.800
AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE,


00:27:58.900 --> 00:28:00.033
OH, IT MUST BE REALLY
DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO

00:28:00.133 --> 00:28:01.200
TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS.


00:28:01.300 --> 00:28:04.633
IT'S LIKE NOT FOR ME, YOU
KNOW, BECAUSE THIS IS

00:28:04.733 --> 00:28:06.400
WHAT A FREE PERSON
SOUNDS LIKE.

00:28:06.500 --> 00:28:08.333
>> NO, AND I THINK IF
YOU REALLY ARE FREE,

00:28:08.433 --> 00:28:09.500
IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU.


00:28:09.600 --> 00:28:10.266
>> RIGHT.


00:28:10.366 --> 00:28:11.500
>> BECAUSE I MEAN,


00:28:11.600 --> 00:28:14.100
THAT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE,
BECAUSE IT'S LIKE YOU WERE --

00:28:14.200 --> 00:28:16.833
IT'S LIKE WHEN WE RECEIVE
JESUS AND IT TALKS ABOUT

00:28:16.933 --> 00:28:18.366
IT'S LIKE YOU WERE
BURIED WITH HIM.

00:28:18.466 --> 00:28:20.000
THAT'S WHAT BAPTISM
REPRESENTS.

00:28:20.100 --> 00:28:21.167
IT'S LIKE THE OLD
YOU DIES.

00:28:21.267 --> 00:28:22.367
YOU COME OUT OF THAT WATER,


00:28:22.467 --> 00:28:23.566
YOU'RE NOW
REUNITED WITH HIM.

00:28:23.666 --> 00:28:24.400
YEAH.


00:28:24.500 --> 00:28:26.700
AND YOU'RE A NEW CREATION.


00:28:26.800 --> 00:28:29.767
SO BY THE WORD OF GOD,
AND HIS WORD IS TRUE,

00:28:29.867 --> 00:28:30.966
YOU ARE NOT THAT PERSON
ANYMORE.

00:28:31.066 --> 00:28:32.100
THAT PERSON DIED.


00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:32.767
>> YEAH.


00:28:32.867 --> 00:28:33.733
>> SO --


00:28:33.833 --> 00:28:35.067
>> BUT, YEAH, I THINK
LIKE GOING BACK

00:28:35.167 --> 00:28:37.800
TO THAT MOMENT OF HIM,


00:28:37.900 --> 00:28:39.200
YOU KNOW, PRESENTING THIS,


00:28:39.300 --> 00:28:42.134
HEY, IF YOU DO
ALL THIS STUFF,

00:28:42.234 --> 00:28:43.900
YOU KNOW, YOU'LL
HAVE SUCCESS.

00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:45.300
YOU'LL MAKE MONEY.


00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:48.600
AND THEN I GO AND
DO THAT AND THEN

00:28:48.700 --> 00:28:49.767
IT BLOWS UP MY LIFE.


00:28:49.867 --> 00:28:50.600
>> YEAH.


00:28:50.700 --> 00:28:51.734
THIS IS SUCH AN
IMPORTANT POINT.

00:28:51.834 --> 00:28:52.800
YOU DO ONE FILM,


00:28:52.900 --> 00:28:55.200
AND YOU GET LIKE A MEASLY
$500 AND YOU'RE LIKE

00:28:55.300 --> 00:28:56.633
THIS IS AWFUL.


00:28:56.733 --> 00:28:58.267
BUT THEN IT RUINS EVERYTHING


00:28:58.367 --> 00:28:59.467
JUST DOING IT ONE TIME.


00:28:59.567 --> 00:29:00.534
>> YEAH, JUST ONE TIME.


00:29:00.634 --> 00:29:02.567
BECAUSE I MEAN
ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

00:29:02.667 --> 00:29:03.733
IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU
DON'T COUNT THE COST,

00:29:03.833 --> 00:29:04.567
IT'S GOING TO COST YOU


00:29:04.667 --> 00:29:06.200
MORE THAN YOU'RE
WILLING TO PAY.

00:29:06.300 --> 00:29:07.433
>> YOU DIDN'T KNOW.


00:29:07.533 --> 00:29:08.667
AND YOU DIDN'T -- YOU
DIDN'T THINK IT WAS GOING

00:29:08.767 --> 00:29:09.767
TO DO ALL THAT.


00:29:09.867 --> 00:29:12.167
>> NO, I MEAN, I WAS
COMPLETELY NAIVE TO THINK,

00:29:12.267 --> 00:29:14.566
I MEAN, BECAUSE
THIS IS 2006.

00:29:14.666 --> 00:29:17.866
AND LIKE YOU KNOW THE
SOCIAL MEDIA OR THE INTERNET

00:29:17.966 --> 00:29:20.767
DID NOT FUNCTION THE WAY
THAT IT DOES NOW.

00:29:20.867 --> 00:29:22.200
AND IT'S LIKE I
THOUGHT LIKE, OKAY,

00:29:22.300 --> 00:29:24.367
I'LL DO THIS AND
IF IT'S TERRIBLE.

00:29:24.467 --> 00:29:25.500
I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.


00:29:25.600 --> 00:29:27.900
NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.


00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:31.133
BUT IT WAS
FOR A REALLY BIG

00:29:31.233 --> 00:29:34.700
YOU KNOW, COMPANY AND THERE
WAS REALLY FAST TURNAROUND

00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:36.034
ON THE STUFF THAT
THEY SHOOT.

00:29:36.134 --> 00:29:37.167
SO I SHOOT IT ON THURSDAY,


00:29:37.267 --> 00:29:39.634
IT'S UP ON MONDAY AND I'VE
GOT A FRATERNITY BROTHER

00:29:39.734 --> 00:29:42.366
CALLING ME ON TUESDAY AND
THEN ANOTHER PERSON

00:29:42.466 --> 00:29:44.133
AND ANOTHER PERSON AND
ANOTHER PERSON.

00:29:44.233 --> 00:29:45.567
>> THAT'S SO FAST.


00:29:45.667 --> 00:29:46.733
>> YEAH.


00:29:46.833 --> 00:29:49.034
>> AND THEN YOUR AGENT
DROPS YOU LIKE A HOT POTATO.

00:29:49.134 --> 00:29:49.867
>> YEAH.


00:29:49.967 --> 00:29:50.800
>> AND SO YOU'RE LIKE,
OH, NO.

00:29:50.900 --> 00:29:52.733
WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO NOW?

00:29:52.833 --> 00:29:54.534
BECAUSE YOU WERE RELYING
ON THAT FOR WORK.

00:29:54.634 --> 00:29:59.433
>> YEAH. AND I WOULD SAY,
BECAUSE THE REALITY IS

00:29:59.533 --> 00:30:03.666
I WAS 22 AND I WAS
SMART LIKE --

00:30:03.766 --> 00:30:07.600
LIKE, WOULD THAT HAVE IMPACTED
MY LIFE IN THAT WAY,

00:30:07.700 --> 00:30:09.600
BUT LIKE COULD I HAVE DONE
SOMETHING ELSE?

00:30:09.700 --> 00:30:10.867
CERTAINLY.


00:30:10.967 --> 00:30:11.800
I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO --


00:30:11.900 --> 00:30:14.034
I DIDN'T HAVE TO
CONTINUE DOING PORN,

00:30:14.134 --> 00:30:15.633
BUT AGAIN
LIKE BACK TO LIKE

00:30:15.733 --> 00:30:17.767
IF YOU BELIEVE A LIE
TO BE TRUE,

00:30:17.867 --> 00:30:18.900
IT WILL BE TRUE TO YOU.


00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:21.267
AND YOU WILL CREATE A
WORLDVIEW IN WHICH

00:30:21.367 --> 00:30:23.534
YOU SEE YOURSELF AND THE
WORLD THROUGH THAT.

00:30:23.634 --> 00:30:25.900
AND I BELIEVED, MAN,


00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:31.033
THIS IS THE ONLY THING
THAT I CAN NOW DO

00:30:31.133 --> 00:30:33.167
BECAUSE I'M DISQUALIFIED
FROM EVERYTHING.

00:30:33.267 --> 00:30:35.200
>> OH, I KNOW WHAT, BECAUSE
THEY ALL WERE LIKE,

00:30:35.300 --> 00:30:36.900
OH, WE'VE SEEN YOU IN
THIS AND IT WAS

00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:38.333
LIKE DISAPPOINTING.


00:30:38.433 --> 00:30:40.200
AND SO THEN YOU PUT THAT
LABEL -- THAT HAPPENS TO

00:30:40.300 --> 00:30:42.334
SO MANY PEOPLE WHERE THEY
GET LABELED BY OTHERS.

00:30:42.434 --> 00:30:43.666
AND THEN THEY JUST WEAR
THAT LABEL AND THEY LIVE

00:30:43.766 --> 00:30:44.534
OUT OF THAT LABEL.


00:30:44.634 --> 00:30:45.667
>> YEAH, YEAH.


00:30:45.767 --> 00:30:46.500
>> SO YOU FEEL LIKE
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.

00:30:46.600 --> 00:30:47.667
>> YEAH, I MEAN,
I WAS LIKE,

00:30:47.767 --> 00:30:50.234
WELL, I CAN'T -- IF I CAN'T
ACT AND MODEL ANYMORE,

00:30:50.334 --> 00:30:51.667
WELL, THIS IS, EVEN THOUGH


00:30:51.767 --> 00:30:53.733
IT'S A COUNTERFEIT VERSION
OF WHAT I WANT TO DO,

00:30:53.833 --> 00:30:56.467
I GUESS IT'S AS CLOSE
AS I CAN GET.

00:30:56.567 --> 00:30:58.000
AND, YOU KNOW, WHAT
ELSE AM I GOING TO DO?

00:30:58.100 --> 00:31:00.067
AND THEN I THINK, JUST KIND
OF MY PERSONALITY,

00:31:00.167 --> 00:31:03.333
WHERE IT'S LIKE IF
I'M EATING CHICKEN WINGS

00:31:03.433 --> 00:31:04.767
OR LIKE, YOU KNOW,
PLAYING BASKETBALL,

00:31:04.867 --> 00:31:07.500
IT'S LIKE I'M GOING
TO WIN AND, YOU KNOW.

00:31:07.600 --> 00:31:08.600
>> I'M GONNA DO IT THE BEST.


00:31:08.700 --> 00:31:09.534
>> YEAH. HOW MANY
AM I GOING TO DO?

00:31:09.634 --> 00:31:10.700
WELL, ONE MORE
THAN YOU, YOU KNOW.

00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:11.734
>> YEAH.


00:31:11.834 --> 00:31:12.767
>> AND THAT'S JUST KIND
OF MY PERSONALITY,

00:31:12.867 --> 00:31:15.967
WHICH CAN BE A GOOD THING.


00:31:16.067 --> 00:31:16.934
>> YOU ACHIEVE.


00:31:17.034 --> 00:31:17.867
>> YEAH.


00:31:17.967 --> 00:31:19.000
>> YOU SET GOALS
AND THEN YOU HIT THEM.

00:31:19.100 --> 00:31:20.267
YEAH.


00:31:20.367 --> 00:31:20.933
>> YEAH.


00:31:21.033 --> 00:31:23.033
BUT IN THAT I WAS LIKE,


00:31:23.133 --> 00:31:24.167
WELL, I CAN BECOME RICH.


00:31:24.267 --> 00:31:26.034
I CAN BECOME FAMOUS AND
MAYBE I'LL BECOME

00:31:26.134 --> 00:31:29.133
RICH AND FAMOUS NOT DOING
SOMETHING THAT I INTENDED

00:31:29.233 --> 00:31:31.034
TO SEEK OUT DOING,


00:31:31.134 --> 00:31:33.000
BUT I'LL BE RICH AND FAMOUS
NONETHELESS.

00:31:33.100 --> 00:31:35.933
AND IF I HAVE -- IF I'M
RICH AND IF I'M FAMOUS,

00:31:36.033 --> 00:31:39.734
THEN THAT WOULD FIX
ALL MY PROBLEMS, RIGHT?

00:31:39.834 --> 00:31:42.700
AND THEN I GO ON TO BECOME
RICH AND FAMOUS,

00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:44.567
AND IT DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING,


00:31:44.667 --> 00:31:46.700
BUT IT AMPLIFIES EVERYTHING.


00:31:46.800 --> 00:31:48.600
>> HOW LONG IN THE
INDUSTRY BEFORE YOU

00:31:48.700 --> 00:31:50.967
STARTED TO FEEL LIKE YOU
WERE HITTING THE GOALS

00:31:51.067 --> 00:31:53.734
THAT YOU WANTED, BUT IT WAS
NOT FULFILLING YOU?

00:31:53.834 --> 00:31:56.533
>> PRETTY MUCH RIGHT AWAY.


00:31:56.633 --> 00:31:58.033
>> OH, NO.


00:31:58.133 --> 00:32:00.267
>> I KNOW.
WHICH IS BAD FOR --

00:32:00.367 --> 00:32:01.500
I'LL SAY AGAIN,


00:32:01.600 --> 00:32:03.500
I THINK LIKE SATAN
IS VERY STRATEGIC

00:32:03.600 --> 00:32:06.500
IN WHAT HE OPENS UP DOORS
FOR PEOPLE TO WALK THROUGH,

00:32:06.600 --> 00:32:09.267
IN THAT, YOU KNOW, FOR ME,


00:32:09.367 --> 00:32:12.433
YOU KNOW MY PERSONALITY
AND MY WORK ETHIC

00:32:12.533 --> 00:32:14.466
AND ALL
THESE THINGS,

00:32:14.566 --> 00:32:16.033
THEY WORKED
IN MY ADVANTAGE,

00:32:16.133 --> 00:32:18.434
BUT NOT IN THE WAY THAT
CERTAINLY GOD

00:32:18.534 --> 00:32:22.666
WANTED THEM TO WORK,
AND, YOU KNOW.

00:32:22.766 --> 00:32:24.200
BUT, YOU
KNOW, RIGHT AWAY

00:32:24.300 --> 00:32:25.700
I WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL.


00:32:25.800 --> 00:32:27.133
GOT, YOU KNOW, LIKE --


00:32:27.233 --> 00:32:29.367
THERE'S LIKE BEST
LIKE NEWCOMER OR WHATEVER,

00:32:29.467 --> 00:32:30.933
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR.


00:32:31.033 --> 00:32:32.367
AND I GOT NOMINATED FOR THAT


00:32:32.467 --> 00:32:35.633
AND HAD A LOT OF
OPPORTUNITIES,

00:32:35.733 --> 00:32:37.800
BUT HAD SUCCESS RIGHT AWAY.


00:32:37.900 --> 00:32:40.400
AND WAS LIKE --
I THINK THAT ONE

00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:43.900
OF THE TOUGH THINGS WAS
LIKE DATING IN THAT INDUSTRY.

00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:47.133
AND THAT LIKE I WAS A
REALLY BROKEN KID

00:32:47.233 --> 00:32:48.366
AS A CHILD.


00:32:48.466 --> 00:32:50.233
SO GROWING UP
WITH A SINGLE MOM,

00:32:50.333 --> 00:32:53.733
I WAS, YOU KNOW, VERY
PROTECTIVE OF MY MOM

00:32:53.833 --> 00:32:55.466
AND LIKE, YOU KNOW,
JEALOUS, YOU KNOW.

00:32:55.566 --> 00:32:58.067
SO I'M LIKE DON'T
TALK TO MY MOM, YOU KNOW.

00:32:58.167 --> 00:33:00.067
SO THAT PERSONALITY,
IT PLAYED OUT

00:33:00.167 --> 00:33:02.400
IN MY RELATIONSHIPS.


00:33:02.500 --> 00:33:08.367
SO IT'S LIKE BECAUSE A LOT
OF THE PAIN AND THE TRAUMA

00:33:08.467 --> 00:33:10.767
THAT COMES FROM THE PORN
INDUSTRY IS THROUGH

00:33:10.867 --> 00:33:12.700
LIKE ACTUAL TRAUMA THAT
YOU EXPERIENCE,

00:33:12.800 --> 00:33:15.000
BUT THE MENTAL AND
EMOTIONAL TRAUMA

00:33:15.100 --> 00:33:18.166
HAS A LOT TO DO WITH THE
SUPPRESSION OF REALITY.

00:33:18.266 --> 00:33:20.933
AND WHEN YOU SUPPRESS
REALITY, CHAOS ENSUES.

00:33:21.033 --> 00:33:22.033
>> REALLY.


00:33:22.133 --> 00:33:24.100
>> AND WHAT I MEAN BY
THAT IS THAT I WAS DATING

00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:27.433
PEOPLE IN THE INDUSTRY AND
THERE WAS A TIME WHERE

00:33:27.533 --> 00:33:30.100
WE'RE AT, YOU KNOW, MASTRO'S
IN BEVERLY HILLS

00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:34.000
AND WE'RE SITTING AT,
YOU KNOW, A NICE DINNER,

00:33:34.100 --> 00:33:35.600
BUT I'M, OF COURSE,
FRIENDS WITH OTHER PEOPLE

00:33:35.700 --> 00:33:37.500
WHO ARE IN THE INDUSTRY
BECAUSE WHO'S GONNA

00:33:37.600 --> 00:33:40.467
YOU KNOW, UNDERSTAND THE
COMPLEXITIES OF YOUR LIFE.

00:33:40.567 --> 00:33:43.667
BUT I'M SITTING AT A
TABLE WITH A GIRL I'M DATING

00:33:43.767 --> 00:33:46.966
AND HE'S ACROSS THE TABLE WITH
THE GIRL HE'S DATING.

00:33:47.066 --> 00:33:49.667
AND I HAD HAD SEX
WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT DAY

00:33:49.767 --> 00:33:50.966
AND HE HAD HAD
SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

00:33:51.066 --> 00:33:52.367
EARLIER THAT WEEK.


00:33:52.467 --> 00:33:56.400
AND WE WERE BOTH
SAYING OUT LOUD

00:33:56.500 --> 00:33:58.733
THAT WE'RE IN A MONOGAMOUS
RELATIONSHIP,

00:33:58.833 --> 00:34:01.900
BUT THAT'S JUST WORK.


00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:07.434
SO LIKE FEELING
THAT, BUT SUPPRESSING IT

00:34:07.534 --> 00:34:09.666
WHERE IT'S LIKE
I CAN'T FEEL THAT,

00:34:09.766 --> 00:34:13.166
I CAN'T SAY THAT
AND LIKE --

00:34:13.266 --> 00:34:15.700
I'M SURE THAT YOU
KNOW IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME

00:34:15.800 --> 00:34:17.133
WHERE SOMEONE
WILL SAY TO ME,

00:34:17.233 --> 00:34:18.300
IT'S LIKE I SEE THIS --


00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:20.767
I SAW THIS VIDEO OF YOU ON
YOUTUBE OR WHATEVER.

00:34:20.867 --> 00:34:21.700
IT'S LIKE YOU LOVE YOUR JOB.


00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:23.900
YOU SAID YOU
LOVE YOUR JOB.

00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:25.767
WELL, WHAT ELSE ARE
YOU GOING TO SAY?

00:34:25.867 --> 00:34:27.500
>> YEAH.


00:34:27.600 --> 00:34:31.867
>> BECAUSE EITHER,
I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA BE

00:34:31.967 --> 00:34:34.300
A WALKING,
BREATHING HYPOCRITE.

00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:35.500
IT'S LIKE PEOPLE ARE NOT
GONNA WANT TO HIRE YOU

00:34:35.567 --> 00:34:36.700
IF YOU'RE GONNA SAY
I HATE MY JOB.

00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:37.900
THIS IS THE
WORST THING EVER.

00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:39.066
IT'S TERRIBLE.


00:34:39.166 --> 00:34:40.667
I SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS,
BUT YET I DO IT ANYWAY.

00:34:40.767 --> 00:34:43.000
NO, YOU HAVE TO
SAY I LOVE MY JOB.

00:34:43.100 --> 00:34:45.033
I'M IN THIS
MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP

00:34:45.133 --> 00:34:47.400
OR WHATEVER IT IS.


00:34:47.500 --> 00:34:49.967
YOU TRY TO LIE TO YOURSELF
TO SUPPRESS REALITY

00:34:50.067 --> 00:34:54.133
SO THAT YOU CAN FEEL
SOMEWHAT NORMAL.

00:34:54.233 --> 00:34:57.367
BUT THEN YOU LAY YOUR
HEAD DOWN ON THE PILLOW

00:34:57.467 --> 00:35:01.066
AND YOU'RE THINKING LIKE,
MAN, I HATE MY LIFE.

00:35:01.166 --> 00:35:02.567
I WISH I COULD DO
SOMETHING ELSE.

00:35:02.667 --> 00:35:05.333
BUT AT THE SAME TIME
FEELING TRAPPED

00:35:05.433 --> 00:35:07.000
IN THE LIFE THAT YOU'VE BUILT


00:35:07.100 --> 00:35:09.867
AND FEELING LIKE
YOU'VE GONE SO FAR

00:35:09.967 --> 00:35:13.166
AND DONE SO MUCH THAT


00:35:13.266 --> 00:35:14.534
THERE IS
NO GOING BACK.

00:35:14.634 --> 00:35:18.834
SO I CAN ONLY EITHER
DOUBLE-DOWN OR DIE.

00:35:18.934 --> 00:35:21.667
LIKE, THAT IS THE
ONLY PATH FORWARD.

00:35:21.767 --> 00:35:23.066
BUT, YOU KNOW, AFTER THAT WENT
ON FOR SO LONG,

00:35:23.166 --> 00:35:26.534
I WAS JUST LIKE I
CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

00:35:26.634 --> 00:35:28.634
AND THEN I TRIED
MULTIPLE TIMES

00:35:28.734 --> 00:35:30.100
TO TAKE MY LIFE.


00:35:30.200 --> 00:35:32.133
AND THERE WAS JUST THIS
DAY WHERE I NEEDED

00:35:32.233 --> 00:35:34.967
YOU KNOW, KIND OF THE NUDGE
FROM A STRANGER.

00:35:35.067 --> 00:35:37.467
AND I WALKED INTO A BANK AND I
HANDED HER A CHECK

00:35:37.567 --> 00:35:38.500
AND ON THE MEMO OF THE CHECK


00:35:38.600 --> 00:35:40.533
IT SAID SOMETHING GROTESQUE
THAT I HAD DONE

00:35:40.633 --> 00:35:41.834
THAT I'VE BEEN PAID FOR.


00:35:41.934 --> 00:35:45.034
IT WAS CLEAR THAT WHAT I WAS
BEING PAID TO DO IS PORNOGRAPHY.

00:35:45.134 --> 00:35:46.200
AND I WANTED HER TO
LOOK ME IN THE FACE

00:35:46.300 --> 00:35:50.667
AND AT LEAST SHAKE HER
HEAD OR SAY SOMETHING.

00:35:50.767 --> 00:35:52.833
AND SHE INSTEAD CAME
AROUND THE COUNTER,

00:35:52.933 --> 00:35:54.700
PUT HER HAND ON MY
SHOULDER AND SAID, JOSHUA,

00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:55.900
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?


00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:57.200
BECAUSE YOU SAW --
WHEN SHE DIDN'T

00:35:57.300 --> 00:35:58.600
REACT THE WAY THAT I
WANTED HER TO,

00:35:58.700 --> 00:36:00.233
I JUST STARTED TO WEEP.


00:36:00.333 --> 00:36:03.834
BECAUSE IT WAS
LIKE, NOW WHAT?

00:36:03.934 --> 00:36:05.366
AND I FELT --


00:36:05.466 --> 00:36:07.767
IT'S ALMOST LIKE IT LIKE
WOKE ME UP

00:36:07.867 --> 00:36:09.100
WHEN SHE SAID MY NAME


00:36:09.200 --> 00:36:10.200
BECAUSE I HADN'T
HEARD MY NAME, NUMBER ONE,

00:36:10.300 --> 00:36:12.500
IN OVER A YEAR.


00:36:12.600 --> 00:36:17.200
AND, YOU KNOW, I JUST
ALLOWED THE IDENTITY

00:36:17.300 --> 00:36:19.966
THAT I OPERATED IN IN THAT
INDUSTRY TO BECOME WHO I WAS.

00:36:20.066 --> 00:36:23.400
BECAUSE JOSHUA HAD NO
VALUE AND I DISCONNECTED

00:36:23.500 --> 00:36:26.733
MYSELF FROM MY MOM, MY
BROTHER, ANY, LIKE, FRIENDS

00:36:26.833 --> 00:36:28.266
THAT WERE LIKE --


00:36:28.366 --> 00:36:30.900
BECAUSE IF YOU WEREN'T
PATTING ME ON MY BACK

00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:33.366
AND YOU WERE SAYING,
HEY, DUDE.

00:36:33.466 --> 00:36:34.533
YOU NEED TO
LEAVE THIS INDUSTRY.

00:36:34.633 --> 00:36:36.233
YOU NEED TO
STOP DOING THIS.

00:36:36.333 --> 00:36:39.000
I REALLY BELIEVED THAT I
COULDN'T AND BECAUSE

00:36:39.100 --> 00:36:40.267
I DIDN'T BELIEVE
I COULD CHANGE,

00:36:40.367 --> 00:36:42.767
I THOUGHT THE ONLY WAY
THAT MADE SENSE WAS FOR ME

00:36:42.867 --> 00:36:45.734
TO CUT OFF THE CONNECTION
TO THAT PERSON.

00:36:45.834 --> 00:36:47.100
AND IN A WEIRD WAY,


00:36:47.200 --> 00:36:49.400
I THOUGHT THAT I WAS
DOING THEM A FAVOR,

00:36:49.500 --> 00:36:51.800
WHICH IS, YOU KNOW,
CERTAINLY NOT TRUE.

00:36:51.900 --> 00:36:53.466
BUT JUST HER SAYING MY
NAME AND JUST KIND OF LIKE

00:36:53.566 --> 00:36:55.933
WOKE ME UP TO WHAT I'D
BECOME NUMB TO.

00:36:56.033 --> 00:36:58.633
AND I FELT THE REALITY
OF LIKE, GOSH,

00:36:58.733 --> 00:37:02.734
LIKE, THERE HAVE BEEN PEOPLE
LIKE IN MY HOME

00:37:02.834 --> 00:37:07.133
THAT HAVE DIED, AND MY MOM
DOESN'T SIMPLY KNOW

00:37:07.233 --> 00:37:08.533
IF I'M OKAY.


00:37:08.633 --> 00:37:10.066
AND I WAS ROBBING HER
FROM THAT.

00:37:10.166 --> 00:37:13.000
HOW SELFISH OF ME.


00:37:13.100 --> 00:37:17.633
SO I CALL HER AND
SHE CHEWED ME OUT.

00:37:17.733 --> 00:37:19.000
AND SHE WAS HURT, YOU KNOW,


00:37:19.100 --> 00:37:19.967
AND SHE CHEWED ME OUT.


00:37:20.067 --> 00:37:21.800
AND WHEN SHE GOT OUT
WHAT SHE HAD TO

00:37:21.900 --> 00:37:23.067
GET OFF HER CHEST,
SHE WAS LIKE,

00:37:23.167 --> 00:37:26.200
HEY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

00:37:26.300 --> 00:37:28.167
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON.


00:37:28.267 --> 00:37:29.233
BUT JOSHUA LUKE,


00:37:29.333 --> 00:37:31.233
YOU ARE SO MUCH
BETTER THAN THIS.

00:37:31.333 --> 00:37:32.733
PLEASE COME HOME.


00:37:32.833 --> 00:37:34.000
SO I DID.


00:37:34.100 --> 00:37:37.566
BUT WHAT I BROUGHT WITH
ME WAS ALL THAT JUNK, YOU KNOW.

00:37:37.666 --> 00:37:39.066
AND THEN I JUST TRIED TO
BUILD ANOTHER KINGDOM

00:37:39.166 --> 00:37:40.233
FOR MYSELF.


00:37:40.333 --> 00:37:42.366
I STARTED WORKING IN THE
HEALTH AND FITNESS INDUSTRY,

00:37:42.466 --> 00:37:44.434
BECAME VERY SUCCESSFUL
IN THAT INDUSTRY.

00:37:44.534 --> 00:37:46.867
YOU KNOW, BECAME POPULAR
AND MADE MONEY AND LIKE

00:37:46.967 --> 00:37:48.100
ALL THE STUFF,
DID IT ALL AGAIN.

00:37:48.200 --> 00:37:48.834
>> SO IT'S LIKE STARTING
THE CYCLE

00:37:48.934 --> 00:37:49.800
ALL OVER AGAIN OF SUCCESS.


00:37:49.900 --> 00:37:52.300
>> YEAH.


00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:55.933
AND THEN I MEET THIS
GIRL AND ASKED HER OUT

00:37:56.033 --> 00:37:59.000
A BUNCH OF TIMES AND SHE
SAYS NO A BUNCH OF TIMES.

00:37:59.100 --> 00:38:00.634
>> AND SHE WORKED OUT
AT YOUR GYM, RIGHT?

00:38:00.734 --> 00:38:01.567
>> YEAH. YEAH.


00:38:01.667 --> 00:38:03.134
AND SHE WAS THE
BEST ATHLETE.

00:38:03.234 --> 00:38:04.300
BUT SHE WAS, BUT SHE
DIDN'T --

00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:05.533
SHE NEVER LIKE HUNG OUT.


00:38:05.633 --> 00:38:07.600
YOU KNOW, SHE DIDN'T.


00:38:07.700 --> 00:38:10.467
AND I WAS JUST
INTRIGUED BY HER.

00:38:10.567 --> 00:38:11.567
AND, YOU KNOW,


00:38:11.667 --> 00:38:13.600
AND THEN I HADN'T
BEEN REJECTED A LOT.

00:38:13.700 --> 00:38:15.500
AND THEN WHEN SHE REJECTED ME,
IT JUST KIND OF LIKE

00:38:15.600 --> 00:38:16.700
FUELLED THAT INTEREST.


00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:17.833
>> YEAH, IT PIQUED
YOUR INTEREST.

00:38:17.933 --> 00:38:20.000
YOU'RE LIKE, OKAY,
A CHALLENGE.

00:38:20.100 --> 00:38:21.634
>> YEAH. AND THEN SHE FINALLY
WAS JUST LIKE,

00:38:21.734 --> 00:38:24.100
HEY, I GO FOR A LONG RUN
EVERY SUNDAY

00:38:24.200 --> 00:38:26.100
BEFORE I GO TO CHURCH.


00:38:26.200 --> 00:38:27.133
YOU CAN MEET ME, YOU KNOW,


00:38:27.233 --> 00:38:28.834
EARLY SUNDAY MORNING
IF YOU WANT.

00:38:28.934 --> 00:38:29.800
I'M JUST
LIKE, WHATEVER.

00:38:29.900 --> 00:38:30.500
I'LL TAKE WHATEVER
I GET.

00:38:30.600 --> 00:38:31.966
>> YEAH.


00:38:32.066 --> 00:38:35.166
>> AND I MEET HER AND I GET
THERE EARLY AND I'M KIND OF

00:38:35.266 --> 00:38:37.333
JUST THINKING THROUGH
WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY

00:38:37.433 --> 00:38:41.100
AND THEN I START THINKING
LIKE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

00:38:41.200 --> 00:38:45.267
SHE WASN'T THERE.


00:38:45.367 --> 00:38:48.600
I BET SHE DOESN'T
KNOW MY BACKGROUND.

00:38:48.700 --> 00:38:49.933
SHE DEFINITELY DOESN'T
KNOW MY STORY.

00:38:50.033 --> 00:38:52.933
SHE WOULDN'T HAVE SHOWED
UP IF SHE KNEW.

00:38:53.033 --> 00:38:56.200
MAN, I'M GOING TO TELL HER
AND SHE'S GOING TO LEAVE

00:38:56.300 --> 00:38:57.667
AND THAT'S GOING TO SUCK, BUT
IT'S GOING TO BE

00:38:57.767 --> 00:39:00.467
BETTER THAN ME LIKE TRYING
TO HANG OUT WITH HER

00:39:00.567 --> 00:39:02.134
AND THEN HER FINDING OUT,


00:39:02.234 --> 00:39:03.600
AND THEN IT
BLOWING UP IN MY FACE.

00:39:03.700 --> 00:39:05.566
>> YEAH, LIKE YOU CATCHING
FEELINGS FOR HER.

00:39:05.666 --> 00:39:06.400
YEAH, AND THEN
HER REJECTING YOU.

00:39:06.500 --> 00:39:08.133
>> YEAH, YOU'RE
SELF-SABOTAGING

00:39:08.233 --> 00:39:10.833
TO PROTECT YOURSELF, WHICH
MANY PEOPLE DO.

00:39:10.933 --> 00:39:12.967
>> AND I WOULD SAY THAT
WAS, THAT WAS A

00:39:13.067 --> 00:39:14.167
REOCCURRING BEHAVIOR
IN MY LIFE

00:39:14.267 --> 00:39:16.200
WITH FRIENDSHIPS AND
OPPORTUNITIES.

00:39:16.300 --> 00:39:19.067
AND, I MEAN, I CAN DO A
WHOLE PODCAST ON THAT.

00:39:19.167 --> 00:39:20.233
>> YEAH.


00:39:20.333 --> 00:39:22.800
>> BECAUSE LIKE WHEN
CHAOS IS YOUR COMFORT,

00:39:22.900 --> 00:39:24.700
THAT'S WHERE YOU
GRAVITATE TO.

00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:26.300
BUT WE'LL PREACH ON
THAT ANOTHER TIME.

00:39:26.400 --> 00:39:26.734
>> 'CAUSE IT'S FAMILIAR.


00:39:26.834 --> 00:39:28.567
>> YEAH.


00:39:28.667 --> 00:39:30.867
BECAUSE LIKE -- BECAUSE
THAT'S THAT'S THE BEAUTY

00:39:30.967 --> 00:39:34.567
OF LIKE, HOW DO I LIKE --


00:39:34.667 --> 00:39:37.467
HOW DO I GET RID OF
A BAD BEHAVIOR

00:39:37.567 --> 00:39:39.034
OR A BAD HABIT IN MY LIFE?


00:39:39.134 --> 00:39:42.334
WELL, I CAN'T
JUST REMOVE IT.

00:39:42.434 --> 00:39:44.100
I'VE GOT TO REPLACE
IT WITH

00:39:44.200 --> 00:39:46.767
A DIFFERENT
CONSISTENT BEHAVIOR

00:39:46.867 --> 00:39:51.167
THAT'S ACTUALLY LIFE-GIVING
AND GOD-HONORING.

00:39:51.267 --> 00:39:53.966
BUT, YEAH, SO I'M
THERE AND I'M JUST LIKE

00:39:54.066 --> 00:39:54.867
I GOTTA TELL HER.


00:39:54.967 --> 00:39:59.300
AND THEN I'M JUST
KIND OF LIKE, HEY --

00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.600
>> I JUST COULD NOT
IMAGINE.

00:40:01.700 --> 00:40:04.500
>> IT WAS ALMOST LIKE
RIPPING OFF A BAND-AID.

00:40:04.600 --> 00:40:05.500
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.


00:40:05.600 --> 00:40:07.567
>> WELL, BECAUSE I HAD NOT
BEEN FORTHCOMING

00:40:07.667 --> 00:40:08.933
WITH THIS INFORMATION.


00:40:09.033 --> 00:40:11.267
IT JUST LIKE -- I UNDERSTAND
THAT IT'S LIKE

00:40:11.367 --> 00:40:14.733
VERY ACCESSIBLE TO ANYONE THAT
WOULD GOOGLE MY NAME,

00:40:14.833 --> 00:40:17.433
BUT IT'S LIKE I'M NOT
GOING TO TELL ANYONE

00:40:17.533 --> 00:40:19.234
UNTIL THEY FIND OUT THEMSELVES.


00:40:19.334 --> 00:40:20.200
THEN I WILL DEAL WITH THE
CONSEQUENCES ON THE

00:40:20.300 --> 00:40:21.366
OTHER END OF THAT.


00:40:21.466 --> 00:40:22.967
I'M NOT GOING TO BE
FORTHCOMING.

00:40:23.067 --> 00:40:25.433
BUT WITH HER,
I'M JUST LIKE, MAN,

00:40:25.533 --> 00:40:27.300
I ALMOST FELT LIKE I HEARD
MY MOM IN MY HEAD LIKE,

00:40:27.400 --> 00:40:28.800
DON'T YOU HURT THAT GIRL.


00:40:28.900 --> 00:40:31.167
DON'T YOU DARE
HURT THAT GIRL.

00:40:31.267 --> 00:40:32.233
AND I WAS JUST LIKE,


00:40:32.333 --> 00:40:36.266
HEY, YOU KNOW, I'M THIS
KID THAT, YOU KNOW,

00:40:36.366 --> 00:40:37.467
DADDY DIDN'T WANT


00:40:37.567 --> 00:40:40.100
AND I GREW UP THAT WAY
AND IT CAUSED ME

00:40:40.200 --> 00:40:41.733
TO DO A LOT OF DUMB STUFF.


00:40:41.833 --> 00:40:44.100
AND PART OF THE DUMB
STUFF THAT I DID,

00:40:44.200 --> 00:40:45.567
I WAS DOING PORN.


00:40:45.667 --> 00:40:48.200
AND I DID A LOT OF IT AND
IT'S ALL OVER THE INTERNET,

00:40:48.300 --> 00:40:50.467
AND IT'LL PROBABLY
ALWAYS BE THERE.

00:40:50.567 --> 00:40:52.967
AND THIS IS WHO I AM.


00:40:53.067 --> 00:40:55.533
AND SHE WAS JUST LIKE, YEAH.


00:40:55.633 --> 00:40:57.767
WHAT? YOU KNOW, LIKE SHE
DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,

00:40:57.867 --> 00:40:58.833
BUT SHE SAID
EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW,

00:40:58.933 --> 00:41:00.534
WITH HER FACIAL EXPRESSION.


00:41:00.634 --> 00:41:01.900
AND THEN WE JUST
KIND OF LIKE WALKED.

00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:03.267
>> BUT SHE DID NOT RUN AWAY.


00:41:03.367 --> 00:41:04.200
>> SHE DIDN'T RUN AWAY.


00:41:04.300 --> 00:41:05.900
>> SHE COULD'VE BEEN LIKE,
OKAY, BYE.

00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:07.534
>> AND KNOWING HER,


00:41:07.634 --> 00:41:11.133
SHE WAS JUST LIKE THIS WAS
AN ACT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

00:41:11.233 --> 00:41:13.733
SHE'S LIKE -- AND IF YOU HAVE
ASKED ME LIKE OUT OF

00:41:13.833 --> 00:41:17.267
THAT SITUATION WHAT
I WOULD HAVE DONE?

00:41:17.367 --> 00:41:19.500
LIKE, I WOULD GO TO MY CAR.


00:41:19.600 --> 00:41:20.900
>> SHE SEEMS LIKE A NO
NONSENSE KIND OF PERSON.

00:41:21.000 --> 00:41:22.267
>> YEAH, YEAH.


00:41:22.367 --> 00:41:24.433
>> NOT AT ALL LIKE,
VERY BLACK AND WHITE.

00:41:24.533 --> 00:41:25.433
>> BUT SHE STAYED.


00:41:25.533 --> 00:41:28.800
>> SHE STAYED AND
SHE JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW,

00:41:28.900 --> 00:41:32.234
SHE WAS INTERNALIZING,
LETTING IT MARINATE.

00:41:32.334 --> 00:41:33.633
AND THEN SHE JUST KIND OF
STOPPED AND SHE WAS LIKE,

00:41:33.733 --> 00:41:37.667
HEY, I DON'T WANT TO,


00:41:37.767 --> 00:41:41.467
YOU KNOW, MAKE SMALL OF
WHAT YOU SHARED WITH ME.

00:41:41.567 --> 00:41:44.700
I'M SURE LIKE THAT WITH
YOUR DAD, SUPER PAINFUL,

00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:47.867
AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT
THE DECISIONS YOU MADE,

00:41:47.967 --> 00:41:49.300
THEY DON'T HAVE
CONSEQUENCES.

00:41:49.400 --> 00:41:50.300
I'M NOT SAYING THAT.


00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:54.267
BUT WHAT I AM SAYING
IS YOU'RE NOT DEFINED

00:41:54.367 --> 00:41:56.200
BY THE WORST THING
YOU'VE EVER DONE,

00:41:56.300 --> 00:41:59.334
AND YOU WON'T BE DEFINED BY
THE GREATEST THING

00:41:59.434 --> 00:42:00.967
YOU EVER ACCOMPLISH.


00:42:01.067 --> 00:42:04.266
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
THE AUTHOR OF YOU,

00:42:04.366 --> 00:42:05.334
GOD IS.


00:42:05.434 --> 00:42:06.867
DO YOU KNOW HIM?


00:42:06.967 --> 00:42:09.467
AND I WAS TEMPTED TO SAY


00:42:09.567 --> 00:42:12.266
YES, BECAUSE I, YOU KNOW,


00:42:12.366 --> 00:42:15.466
I THINK THIS IS ANOTHER
PODCAST THAT WE CAN DO.

00:42:15.566 --> 00:42:19.100
BUT, I LIVE MY LIFE LIKE
WITH THIS FIRST DATE MASK

00:42:19.200 --> 00:42:21.633
IN THAT I HAVE NO
IDEA WHO I AM,

00:42:21.733 --> 00:42:25.033
SO WHAT I'M GOING TO TRY TO
PORTRAY MYSELF TO BE --

00:42:25.133 --> 00:42:26.200
>> IS WHO YOU THINK --


00:42:26.300 --> 00:42:28.234
>> YEAH, I WANT TO BE WHOEVER
YOU WANT ME TO BE.

00:42:28.334 --> 00:42:29.134
>> YEAH.


00:42:29.234 --> 00:42:30.100
>> BECAUSE YOU'LL LIKE
THAT PERSON

00:42:30.200 --> 00:42:31.767
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO OFFER.

00:42:31.867 --> 00:42:32.767
>> YEAH.


00:42:32.867 --> 00:42:33.867
>> SO I'M GOING TO
PRETEND TO BE WHOEVER

00:42:33.967 --> 00:42:36.667
I THINK YOU WANT ME TO
BE SO THAT YOU LIKE ME.

00:42:36.767 --> 00:42:38.100
SO I WAS TEMPTED TO SAY YES,


00:42:38.200 --> 00:42:40.467
BUT IT WAS ALMOST
LIKE I COULDN'T

00:42:40.567 --> 00:42:42.900
AND I WAS JUST LIKE,
I DON'T KNOW.

00:42:43.000 --> 00:42:45.000
AND SHE WAS LIKE, WELL, I'VE
BEEN FOLLOWING JESUS,

00:42:45.100 --> 00:42:45.967
SINCE I WAS IN THE SEVENTH GRADE


00:42:46.067 --> 00:42:51.200
AND I'M NOT PERFECT
BY ANY MEANS,

00:42:51.300 --> 00:42:53.167
BUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH
HIM IS THE FOUNDATION

00:42:53.267 --> 00:42:55.300
FROM WHICH I LIVE MY LIFE.


00:42:55.400 --> 00:42:57.900
SO WHAT KIND OF
FOOD DO YOU LIKE?

00:42:58.000 --> 00:42:59.800
I'M LIKE, WHAT?


00:42:59.900 --> 00:43:02.500
SHE'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
WHAT'S YOUR FAMILY LIKE,

00:43:02.600 --> 00:43:03.633
YOU KNOW WHAT DO YOU --


00:43:03.733 --> 00:43:05.467
YOU KNOW, WE JUST STARTED
TO WALK AND TALK,

00:43:05.567 --> 00:43:06.534
AND I'M JUST LIKE
IN MY HEAD,

00:43:06.634 --> 00:43:10.400
I'M LIKE, THIS
GIRL'S CRAZY.

00:43:10.500 --> 00:43:12.167
YOU KNOW, BUT I'M
INTO IT, YOU KNOW.

00:43:12.267 --> 00:43:13.767
IT'S LIKE, WOW.


00:43:13.867 --> 00:43:15.867
AND THEN I'M -- THEN I
BEGAN TO THINK LIKE,

00:43:15.967 --> 00:43:17.666
IT'S ALMOST LIKE I CAN'T
EVEN HEAR WHAT SHE'S SAYING

00:43:17.766 --> 00:43:19.600
BECAUSE LIKE IN
MY HEAD I'M LIKE,

00:43:19.700 --> 00:43:21.433
WHAT IF SHE'S RIGHT?


00:43:21.533 --> 00:43:23.466
>> OH, WOW.


00:43:23.566 --> 00:43:25.300
>> YOU NEVER REALLY
HEARD THAT BEFORE.

00:43:25.400 --> 00:43:28.533
>> WELL, I MEAN, BECAUSE
WHAT SHE -- SHE CONFRONTED

00:43:28.633 --> 00:43:31.133
THE WORLDVIEW IN
WHICH I HAD.

00:43:31.233 --> 00:43:34.000
BECAUSE I THOUGHT 100%


00:43:34.100 --> 00:43:37.700
MY IDENTITY WAS BASED
UPON WHO I DIDN'T HAVE

00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:40.866
AND WHAT I DID.


00:43:40.966 --> 00:43:42.133
AND WHAT SHE
SAID WAS LIKE,

00:43:42.233 --> 00:43:43.234
NO, NO, NO.


00:43:43.334 --> 00:43:46.167
THERE'S SOMETHING BIGGER
THAN YOU OUTSIDE OF YOU

00:43:46.267 --> 00:43:49.100
THAT CREATED YOU AND HAS
THE FINAL SAY,

00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:51.667
AND IT'S NOT WHO
YOU THINK YOU ARE.

00:43:51.767 --> 00:43:54.434
AND I WAS JUST LIKE, MAN.


00:43:54.534 --> 00:43:55.367
>> SHE GAVE YOU SOMETHING
TO THINK ABOUT.

00:43:55.467 --> 00:43:56.533
>> YEAH.


00:43:56.633 --> 00:43:58.134
AND THEN WE JUST KIND OF
LIKE WALKED AND TALKED

00:43:58.234 --> 00:44:00.234
FOR A LONG TIME.


00:44:00.334 --> 00:44:01.600
AND THEN I LEFT.


00:44:01.700 --> 00:44:04.533
AND THEN WE LIKE TEXTED
LIKE IDIOTS LIKE ALL WEEK.

00:44:04.633 --> 00:44:06.300
AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE,
HEY, NORMALLY

00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:09.300
I GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS, BUT


00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:12.367
THERE'S ACTUALLY A NIGHT
SERVICE ON SATURDAY

00:44:12.467 --> 00:44:14.800
IF YOU WANT TO
COME WITH ME.

00:44:14.900 --> 00:44:17.767
AND I WAS LIKE SHE COULD HAVE
INVITED ME TO THE MOON

00:44:17.867 --> 00:44:19.167
AND I WOULD BE LIKE,
YES, YOU KNOW.

00:44:19.267 --> 00:44:20.300
WHERE'S MY ROCKET SHIP.


00:44:20.400 --> 00:44:21.866
YOU KNOW, I'D HAVE
FOUND A WAY.

00:44:21.966 --> 00:44:23.600
BUT I WAS LIKE WHEREVER
THIS GIRL IS, I WANT TO BE.

00:44:23.700 --> 00:44:25.267
>> I LOVE IT.


00:44:25.367 --> 00:44:28.534
>> AND WE GO, AND I HAD LIKE


00:44:28.634 --> 00:44:30.466
ALL THESE LIKE
PRESUPPOSITIONS ABOUT

00:44:30.566 --> 00:44:32.367
HOW I SHOULDN'T BE THERE
AND HOW I'M GOING TO LIKE

00:44:32.467 --> 00:44:34.333
BURST INTO FLAMES WHEN
I WALK IN THE DOOR

00:44:34.433 --> 00:44:35.366
BECAUSE I'M LIKE WHAT --


00:44:35.466 --> 00:44:37.866
WHAT DO I HAVE ANY
BUSINESS BEING IN CHURCH?

00:44:37.966 --> 00:44:41.567
AND I GET THERE AND LIKE
THE AESTHETIC'S COOL,

00:44:41.667 --> 00:44:43.834
THE MUSIC'S COOL AND
EVERYONE'S KIND.

00:44:43.934 --> 00:44:48.034
BUT I'M LIKE, REALLY I'M THERE
TO BE AROUND HER.

00:44:48.134 --> 00:44:51.867
AND THEN I SIT DOWN AND I
HEAR THIS MESSAGE FROM

00:44:51.967 --> 00:44:55.434
2 SAMUEL CHAPTER
9 ABOUT THIS,

00:44:55.534 --> 00:44:57.867
YOU KNOW, YOU GOT DAVID
THAT HE JUST

00:44:57.967 --> 00:44:59.600
REBUILT THE TEMPLE AND


00:44:59.700 --> 00:45:01.133
HE'S INTROSPECTIVELY
ASKING HIMSELF,

00:45:01.233 --> 00:45:03.567
HOW CAN I -- HOW CAN I
GIVE THE KINDNESS THAT

00:45:03.667 --> 00:45:07.400
I'VE EXPERIENCED FROM GOD
TO GOD'S PEOPLE?

00:45:07.500 --> 00:45:08.833
AND HE'S LIKE, OH, YEAH.


00:45:08.933 --> 00:45:11.000
I MADE THIS PROMISE
TO MY FRIEND JONATHAN

00:45:11.100 --> 00:45:11.933
IN 1 SAMUEL.


00:45:12.033 --> 00:45:12.800
WE MADE THIS --
I HAD THIS COVENANT

00:45:12.900 --> 00:45:14.067
OF PROMISE WITH HIM.


00:45:14.167 --> 00:45:15.600
>> YEAH.


00:45:15.700 --> 00:45:17.866
>> IS THERE ANYONE LEFT OUT
OF THE HOUSE OF SAUL?

00:45:17.966 --> 00:45:19.634
AND HE FINDS ZIBA,


00:45:19.734 --> 00:45:21.667
HE WAS A GUARD
UNDERNEATH SAUL,

00:45:21.767 --> 00:45:23.366
AND NOW HE'S HIS GUARD.


00:45:23.466 --> 00:45:24.633
HE'S LIKE, IS THERE
ANYONE LEFT?

00:45:24.733 --> 00:45:26.133
AND HE'S LIKE, YEAH,
MEPHIBOSHETH

00:45:26.233 --> 00:45:27.966
IS IN THIS PLACE
CALLED LODEBAR.

00:45:28.066 --> 00:45:30.800
IT'S IN THIS LIKE DESERT
WASTELAND IN PALESTINE

00:45:30.900 --> 00:45:34.166
AND HE'S THERE AND HE'S HIDING
AND DAVID'S LIKE, OKAY.

00:45:34.266 --> 00:45:35.267
GO GET HIM.


00:45:35.367 --> 00:45:37.067
AND HE BRINGS HIM
BEFORE HIM, AND MEPHIBOSHETH,

00:45:37.167 --> 00:45:39.866
HE WAS HIDING BECAUSE
HISTORICALLY IF THERE WAS

00:45:39.966 --> 00:45:43.600
ANYONE FROM A PREVIOUS
LINEAGE OF A KING

00:45:43.700 --> 00:45:45.067
THAT REMAINED,
THEY WERE KILLED.

00:45:45.167 --> 00:45:46.000
>> YEAH.


00:45:46.100 --> 00:45:47.567
>> AND IT
WAS LIKE, OKAY,

00:45:47.667 --> 00:45:49.500
WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M FOUND
I WAS HIDING,

00:45:49.600 --> 00:45:51.167
BECAUSE I THOUGHT DEATH
WAS MY FUTURE.

00:45:51.267 --> 00:45:53.433
AND HERE IS MY DAY TO DIE.


00:45:53.533 --> 00:45:54.800
AND DAVID LOOKS
AT HIM AND SAYS,

00:45:54.900 --> 00:45:57.633
HEY, I'M ACTUALLY
GOING TO RESTORE

00:45:57.733 --> 00:46:00.633
YOUR GRANDFATHER'S LAND AND
NOT JUST ANY LAND, CANAAN.

00:46:00.733 --> 00:46:02.500
SO I'M INVITING YOU INTO
THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

00:46:02.600 --> 00:46:04.467
I'M GONNA INVITE YOU INTO
MY KINGDOM AND I'M GIVING

00:46:04.567 --> 00:46:06.333
YOU A SEAT AT MY TABLE.


00:46:06.433 --> 00:46:08.367
NOT JUST FOR
TODAY, BUT FOREVER.

00:46:08.467 --> 00:46:10.466
I WANT YOU TO BE A
PART OF MY FAMILY.

00:46:10.566 --> 00:46:14.633
LIKE THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL
PICTURE OF GRACE.

00:46:14.733 --> 00:46:16.666
SO HOW DOES HE
RESPOND TO THAT, THOUGH?

00:46:16.766 --> 00:46:18.333
AND HE WAS JUST
LIKE, 2 SAMUEL

00:46:18.433 --> 00:46:20.334
CHAPTER 9, VERSE 8, HE SAYS,


00:46:20.434 --> 00:46:22.500
WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT WOULD
YOU WANT WITH

00:46:22.600 --> 00:46:25.600
A DEAD DOG LIKE ME?


00:46:25.700 --> 00:46:27.000
AND I WAS LIKE, YEAH.


00:46:27.100 --> 00:46:27.867
>> YOU'RE LIKE, I
CAN RELATE TO THAT.

00:46:27.967 --> 00:46:29.800
>> YES, BECAUSE
AT THAT POINT

00:46:29.900 --> 00:46:32.000
I UNDERSTOOD LIKE
ROMANS 3:23 SAYS THAT

00:46:32.100 --> 00:46:34.167
WE'VE ALL SINNED AND FALL SHORT
OF THE GLORY OF GOD.

00:46:34.267 --> 00:46:35.900
ROMANS 6:23, THE WAGES
OF SIN IS DEATH.

00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:36.800
WE'RE ALL GUILTY.


00:46:36.900 --> 00:46:38.267
WE'RE ALL
DESERVING OF DEATH.

00:46:38.367 --> 00:46:39.933
SURE, MAYBE I'M NOT SO BAD.


00:46:40.033 --> 00:46:41.866
AND THEN ROMANS 10:9,


00:46:41.966 --> 00:46:43.267
YOU KNOW, IF YOU
CONFESS WITH YOUR MOUTH

00:46:43.367 --> 00:46:45.566
THAT JESUS IS LORD, YOU KNOW,
AND BELIEVE THAT HE WAS

00:46:45.666 --> 00:46:47.033
RAISED FROM THE DEAD,
YOU'LL BE SAVED.

00:46:47.133 --> 00:46:49.400
I'M LIKE, THAT'S AMAZING
FOR WHOEVER THAT'S FOR

00:46:49.500 --> 00:46:50.967
BUT DON'T
YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

00:46:51.067 --> 00:46:53.033
DON'T YOU KNOW MY STORY?


00:46:53.133 --> 00:46:54.167
AND I'M JUST LIKE GOD,
LIKE I WAS --

00:46:54.267 --> 00:46:56.467
I WAS LIKE WITH HIM
IN THAT MOMENT.

00:46:56.567 --> 00:46:58.300
LIKE IT'S LIKE, YES.


00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:01.200
DON'T YOU KNOW
WHO I AM?

00:47:01.300 --> 00:47:06.000
MY OWN FATHER DIDN'T WANT ME.


00:47:06.100 --> 00:47:09.100
AND THEN HE READS HEBREWS
12:2, TALKING ABOUT

00:47:09.200 --> 00:47:13.034
THE JOY THAT JESUS WAS
EXPERIENCING SET BEFORE

00:47:13.134 --> 00:47:15.366
HIM AS HE ENDURED THE
CROSS, AS HE WENT TO THE CROSS

00:47:15.466 --> 00:47:17.900
BATTERED AND BEATEN
AND BRUISED,

00:47:18.000 --> 00:47:21.567
AND ALL KNOWING WHAT'S
TO HAPPEN.

00:47:21.667 --> 00:47:23.000
YET HE HAS JOY IN HIS HEART.


00:47:23.100 --> 00:47:24.633
AND GOD SHOWED ME THE JOY


00:47:24.733 --> 00:47:28.000
THAT HE HAD IN HIS HEART WAS
LOVE THAT HE HAD FOR ME,

00:47:28.100 --> 00:47:30.634
AND THAT LOVE ARRESTED ME
AND IT COMPELLED ME

00:47:30.734 --> 00:47:32.867
TO MY KNEES
AND I WEPT AND I WEPT

00:47:32.967 --> 00:47:34.267
AND I WEPT AND I WEPT.


00:47:34.367 --> 00:47:35.667
AND WHEN I STOOD UP,


00:47:35.767 --> 00:47:38.034
I DIDN'T HAVE THE WEIGHT
OF THE SHAME THAT I CARRIED

00:47:38.134 --> 00:47:39.667
MY WHOLE LIFE
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN FORGIVEN

00:47:39.767 --> 00:47:42.633
AND MADE NEW.


00:47:42.733 --> 00:47:47.100
AND I WANT EVERYONE TO
EXPERIENCE THAT.

00:47:47.200 --> 00:47:49.667
AND PRETTY COOL THAT THAT
GIRL'S NAME IS HOPE,

00:47:49.767 --> 00:47:51.700
AND THAT WE'VE BEEN
MARRIED FOR NINE YEARS

00:47:51.800 --> 00:47:55.233
AND WE'VE GOT FOUR BOYS.


00:47:55.333 --> 00:47:57.667
AND, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S THE ABSOLUTE BEST,

00:47:57.767 --> 00:48:00.533
THE JOY OF MY LIFE.


00:48:00.633 --> 00:48:02.233
AND I LOVE THAT PART
OF MY STORY,

00:48:02.333 --> 00:48:06.034
BUT LIKE IF YOU LOOK AT
EPHESIANS 2:8-9,

00:48:06.134 --> 00:48:09.467
IT TALKS ABOUT HOW, YOU KNOW,
THIS UNDERSTANDING OF GRACE.

00:48:09.567 --> 00:48:10.667
AND WE'RE NOT SAVED --


00:48:10.767 --> 00:48:12.100
YOU KNOW, WE'RE SAVED BY
GRACE THROUGH FAITH

00:48:12.200 --> 00:48:14.366
AND IT'S NOT OF OUR OWN DOINGS
SO THAT WE CAN'T BOAST,

00:48:14.466 --> 00:48:17.033
BUT AS IT GOES ON,
LIKE VERSE 2:10,

00:48:17.133 --> 00:48:18.800
IT'S TALKING ABOUT, MAN,


00:48:18.900 --> 00:48:23.134
GOD LOVED YOU SO MUCH THAT
HE PREDESTINED WORKS

00:48:23.234 --> 00:48:25.434
FOR YOU TO WALK IN.


00:48:25.534 --> 00:48:28.533
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT HE
PUT IN YOU THAT

00:48:28.633 --> 00:48:30.100
WHEN IT'S RELEASED
INTO THE WORLD

00:48:30.200 --> 00:48:32.400
IT'S FOR HIS GLORY
AND FOR YOUR GOOD.

00:48:32.500 --> 00:48:34.700
YOU'RE ACTUALLY SATISFIED


00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:36.466
WHEN YOU'RE LIVING IN
THE PURPOSE THAT

00:48:36.566 --> 00:48:38.400
HE HAS PREDESTINED FOR
YOU TO WALK IN.

00:48:38.500 --> 00:48:39.233
GUESS WHAT?


00:48:39.333 --> 00:48:40.400
THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU'RE GOOD AT

00:48:40.500 --> 00:48:42.300
THAT HE GAVE YOU EVERYTHING
YOU NEEDED TO BE GOOD AT

00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:46.467
TO DO AND IT'S NOT FOR YOU,


00:48:46.567 --> 00:48:48.233
IT -- IT MIGHT
MAKE YOU FEEL SATISFIED,

00:48:48.333 --> 00:48:50.634
BUT IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE
DOING THE VERY THING

00:48:50.734 --> 00:48:51.934
THAT HE CREATED YOU TO DO.


00:48:52.034 --> 00:48:54.267
AND JESUS DIED
SO THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT

00:48:54.367 --> 00:48:57.366
CAN DWELL IN YOU SO YOU
CAN WALK IN AGAIN.

00:48:57.466 --> 00:48:59.967
SO, IT'S LIKE DISCOVERING THAT.


00:49:00.067 --> 00:49:01.666
IT'S ME RIGHT AFTER THAT,


00:49:01.766 --> 00:49:02.966
WALKING INTO A
CHURCH AND SAYING,

00:49:03.066 --> 00:49:05.666
HEY, I NEED
TO BE DISCIPLED.

00:49:05.766 --> 00:49:08.267
I WANT TO LEARN
MORE ABOUT THIS JESUS.

00:49:08.367 --> 00:49:09.433
I WANT TO LEARN.


00:49:09.533 --> 00:49:10.667
MAN, HE SAID NOT A DOT,


00:49:10.767 --> 00:49:12.334
NOT AN IOTA OF HIS WORD
WILL PASS AWAY

00:49:12.434 --> 00:49:13.433
UNTIL IT'S ALL FULFILLED.


00:49:13.533 --> 00:49:15.933
MAN, IF HE TAKES THE
BIBLE THAT SERIOUSLY,

00:49:16.033 --> 00:49:18.233
I WANT TO TAKE IT
SERIOUSLY, BECAUSE I

00:49:18.333 --> 00:49:20.133
WASN'T SURE ABOUT THE
BIBLE, BUT I WAS CERTAIN

00:49:20.233 --> 00:49:21.567
ABOUT JESUS.


00:49:21.667 --> 00:49:23.200
AND IF JESUS SAID THE
BIBLE WAS IMPORTANT,

00:49:23.300 --> 00:49:24.567
IT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME.


00:49:24.667 --> 00:49:26.866
AND I JUST CLUNG ONTO IT.


00:49:26.966 --> 00:49:27.933
AND I WAS --


00:49:28.033 --> 00:49:29.900
I WAS SOMEONE THAT COULD
REGURGITATE INFORMATION,

00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:32.234
BUT NOT INTERNALIZE
AND METABOLIZE IT.

00:49:32.334 --> 00:49:34.567
BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN THE
BIBLE BECAME ALIVE TO ME

00:49:34.667 --> 00:49:38.000
IN A WAY THAT I -- IT WAS
SUPERNATURAL.

00:49:38.100 --> 00:49:41.733
AND I JUST HAD SOMEONE
THAT WALKED WITH ME.

00:49:41.833 --> 00:49:44.067
AND IT WASN'T JUST THAT
HE WAS TEACHING ME HOW TO

00:49:44.167 --> 00:49:45.967
READ THE BIBLE,
HE WAS TEACHING ME

00:49:46.067 --> 00:49:48.333
HOW TO FOLLOW JESUS.


00:49:48.433 --> 00:49:51.266
AND INVITED
ME INTO MY HOME --

00:49:51.366 --> 00:49:52.867
AND INTO HIS
HOME, YOU KNOW.

00:49:52.967 --> 00:49:55.434
SO LIKE 1 THESSALONIANS
TALKS ABOUT

00:49:55.534 --> 00:49:58.133
HOW LIKE THEY DIDN'T JUST
LIKE TEACH THE WORD

00:49:58.233 --> 00:50:00.533
TO EACH OTHER, THEY
SHARED THEIR VERY LIVES

00:50:00.633 --> 00:50:03.567
WITH ONE ANOTHER AND IT
WAS WATCHING HIM

00:50:03.667 --> 00:50:05.034
RESPOND TO CONFLICT,


00:50:05.134 --> 00:50:07.934
YOU KNOW, PARENT HIS KIDS.


00:50:08.034 --> 00:50:09.400
WHEN SOMETHING THAT
WAS IMPORTANT TO HIM

00:50:09.500 --> 00:50:10.400
DIDN'T GO HIS WAY,


00:50:10.500 --> 00:50:12.033
HOW DID HE RESPOND TO IT?


00:50:12.133 --> 00:50:13.534
HOW DID HE CELEBRATE?


00:50:13.634 --> 00:50:15.167
HOW DO HE FAIL?


00:50:15.267 --> 00:50:19.033
AND BEING CLOSE ENOUGH
TO HIM THAT

00:50:19.133 --> 00:50:22.033
THAT RUBBED OFF ON ME.


00:50:22.133 --> 00:50:24.267
LIKE, THAT CHANGED
THE TRAJECTORY OF MY LIFE.

00:50:24.367 --> 00:50:27.233
AND I JUST -- IT'S LIKE I'VE
I'VE BEEN SOMEONE WHERE --

00:50:27.333 --> 00:50:29.534
LIKE MY GRANDMA'S LIKE
BUTTERMILK BISCUITS,

00:50:29.634 --> 00:50:30.633
THEY'RE AWESOME.


00:50:30.733 --> 00:50:31.567
SO I WANT OTHER PEOPLE
TO HAVE THEM AND SO THE

00:50:31.667 --> 00:50:33.634
GOSPEL BECAME THAT TO ME.


00:50:33.734 --> 00:50:36.600
IT'S LIKE, GOSH, IF I'VE
GOT THE ANTIDOTE FOR DEATH,

00:50:36.700 --> 00:50:37.900
WHY NOT GIVE IT AWAY?


00:50:38.000 --> 00:50:38.867
>> YEAH.


00:50:38.967 --> 00:50:40.767
>> SO TO AS MANY PEOPLE
AS POSSIBLE.

00:50:40.867 --> 00:50:44.066
SO I GO TO
LIBERTY UNIVERSITY,

00:50:44.166 --> 00:50:47.467
STUDY CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES,
GET A THEOLOGICAL EDUCATION

00:50:47.567 --> 00:50:49.200
AND GET PLUGGED IN
AND GET, YOU KNOW,

00:50:49.300 --> 00:50:52.334
START SERVING IN
CHURCHES AND END UP

00:50:52.434 --> 00:50:54.400
BEING AN ASSOCIATE PASTOR
AT A CHURCH AND THEN

00:50:54.500 --> 00:50:56.200
EVENTUALLY A TEACHING
PASTOR AT A CHURCH.

00:50:56.300 --> 00:51:01.267
AND THEN AFTER FIVE YEARS OF
NOT SAYING A WORD FROM STAGE,

00:51:01.367 --> 00:51:03.600
GOD GAVE ME AN
OPPORTUNITY TO DO

00:51:03.700 --> 00:51:06.767
SOMETHING ON FOX WHERE
TUCKER CARLSON WAS

00:51:06.867 --> 00:51:09.266
INTERVIEWING ME AND HE WAS
LIKE HOW DID YOU GO

00:51:09.366 --> 00:51:11.500
FROM BEING THE NUMBER ONE
PORNSTAR IN THE UNITED STATES

00:51:11.567 --> 00:51:15.467
IN 2012, TO NOW
TEACHING THE BIBLE?

00:51:15.567 --> 00:51:17.267
LIKE, HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?


00:51:17.367 --> 00:51:18.266
AND I WAS LIKE, MAN,


00:51:18.366 --> 00:51:19.834
LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT JESUS.

00:51:19.934 --> 00:51:23.734
BECAUSE WHEN JESUS
LOOKS AT MY LIFE,

00:51:23.834 --> 00:51:26.200
HE'S NOT SURPRISED.


00:51:26.300 --> 00:51:28.433
LIKE, I THINK LIKE MY STORY


00:51:28.533 --> 00:51:31.734
CAN BECOME THIS, LIKE,
ANOMALY BECAUSE SEX

00:51:31.834 --> 00:51:33.800
IS AN IDOL IN
WESTERNIZED CULTURE.

00:51:33.900 --> 00:51:34.600
>> YEAH, IT IS.


00:51:34.700 --> 00:51:35.767
>> SO IT'S LIKE, WELL,


00:51:35.867 --> 00:51:38.166
HOW CAN A -- HOW CAN A
PORNSTAR BECOME A PREACHER?

00:51:38.266 --> 00:51:39.367
WELL, HOW CAN A --


00:51:39.467 --> 00:51:40.300
>> THE REDEMPTION ART.


00:51:40.400 --> 00:51:41.400
>> YEAH.


00:51:41.500 --> 00:51:44.400
WELL, HOW CAN THE
PRIMARY PERSECUTOR

00:51:44.500 --> 00:51:46.167
OF THE CHURCH, YOU KNOW,


00:51:46.267 --> 00:51:49.200
WRITE, YOU KNOW,
66% OF THE NEW TESTAMENT.

00:51:49.300 --> 00:51:52.033
HOW CAN A MAN WHO COMMITS
ADULTERY AND THEN

00:51:52.133 --> 00:51:57.333
KILLS THE MAN WHO HE COMMITTED
ADULTERY WITH HIS WIFE,

00:51:57.433 --> 00:51:59.700
AND GOT HER PREGNANT
AND THEN HE COVERS IT UP

00:51:59.800 --> 00:52:00.600
BY SENDING
HIM INTO BATTLE KNOWING

00:52:00.700 --> 00:52:01.700
HE'S GOING TO BE KILLED.


00:52:01.800 --> 00:52:03.300
HOW CAN THAT MAN BE SOMEONE


00:52:03.400 --> 00:52:05.467
THAT WE SAY IS A MAN
AFTER GOD'S OWN HEART?

00:52:05.567 --> 00:52:06.667
HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN?


00:52:06.767 --> 00:52:09.367
BECAUSE ANYONE, ANYWHERE,


00:52:09.467 --> 00:52:11.033
IF YOU SUBMIT AND SURRENDER
YOUR LIFE TO JESUS,

00:52:11.133 --> 00:52:14.433
YOU'RE MADE NEW AND YOU'RE GIVEN
A NEW NAME, A NEW CALLING,

00:52:14.533 --> 00:52:15.700
AND A NEW PURPOSE
IN YOUR LIFE.

00:52:15.800 --> 00:52:17.433
AND THAT'S NOT A
SURPRISE TO GOD,

00:52:17.533 --> 00:52:18.733
BECAUSE HE'S BEEN
DOING IT SINCE

00:52:18.833 --> 00:52:20.567
THE BEGINNING OF TIME.


00:52:20.667 --> 00:52:23.000
>> WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ARE
SOME OF THE LIES

00:52:23.100 --> 00:52:25.866
THAT ARE HURDLES FOR PEOPLE
WALKING IN THEIR DESTINY,

00:52:25.966 --> 00:52:29.366
AND WHAT IS THE TRUTH
THAT PUSHES THE LIE OUT?

00:52:29.466 --> 00:52:32.866
>> YEAH, I MEAN, I THINK
THAT IT'S LIKE BECAUSE

00:52:32.966 --> 00:52:35.433
THERE'S PEOPLE THAT ARE
FORGIVEN, BUT THEY'RE

00:52:35.533 --> 00:52:38.900
STILL WOUNDED IN THAT.


00:52:39.000 --> 00:52:43.833
BECAUSE WE, WE GET IN
CHURCH CIRCLES WHERE IT'S LIKE

00:52:43.933 --> 00:52:45.934
IF YOU CONFESS THIS,
IF YOU CONFESS SOMETHING

00:52:46.034 --> 00:52:49.000
TO ME AND LET'S SAY THAT
WE'RE IN A SMALL GROUP,

00:52:49.100 --> 00:52:52.667
AND YOU SAY, YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN STRUGGLING WITH X,

00:52:52.767 --> 00:52:54.467
AND YOU'VE BEEN STRUGGLING
WITH THIS THING,

00:52:54.567 --> 00:52:56.000
AND I'VE BEEN
STRUGGLING WITH IT TOO,

00:52:56.100 --> 00:52:59.433
AND YOU CONFESS WITH
CLARITY AND CONVICTION

00:52:59.533 --> 00:53:01.300
EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON
IN YOUR LIFE,

00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:04.867
AND I WAS LIKE I CAN
RESONATE WITH THAT TOO.

00:53:04.967 --> 00:53:07.667
BUT THAT'S ALL I SAY.


00:53:07.767 --> 00:53:11.267
SO I WOULD SAY THE LEVEL
OR THE DEPTH

00:53:11.367 --> 00:53:12.734
OF YOUR
CONFESSION IS GOING TO

00:53:12.834 --> 00:53:15.833
EQUATE TO THE LEVEL
OF YOUR HEALING.

00:53:15.933 --> 00:53:19.434
MEANING THAT IF I GET
AROUND A CIRCLE

00:53:19.534 --> 00:53:22.100
AND I JUST SAY -- IF I NOD
MY HEAD IN AGREEMENT

00:53:22.200 --> 00:53:23.634
WITH YOUR SIN,


00:53:23.734 --> 00:53:25.900
I'VE NOT CONFESSED.


00:53:26.000 --> 00:53:29.466
I'M IN AGREEMENT AND I
BROUGHT IT TO THE SURFACE

00:53:29.566 --> 00:53:31.567
MAYBE, BUT THE AMOUNT OF
FREEDOM THAT YOU'RE GOING

00:53:31.667 --> 00:53:34.300
TO HAVE IN CONTRAST
TO MINE, DIFFERENT.

00:53:34.400 --> 00:53:35.466
>> YEAH.


00:53:35.566 --> 00:53:37.566
>> SO I'M STILL WALKING
WOUNDED BECAUSE I'VE NEVER

00:53:37.666 --> 00:53:40.667
SAID OUT LOUD WHAT
I'M REALLY WRESTLING WITH.

00:53:40.767 --> 00:53:44.167
>> YEAH, IF YOU'RE NOT
TRANSPARENT AND VULNERABLE,

00:53:44.267 --> 00:53:46.200
AND OPEN YOURSELF UP
FOR GOD TO HEAL YOU,

00:53:46.300 --> 00:53:47.300
BUT YOU HAVE TO OPEN --


00:53:47.400 --> 00:53:48.600
>> YEAH.


00:53:48.700 --> 00:53:50.300
>> UP TO THINGS THAT YOU
KNOW THAT THE ENEMY

00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:52.667
KEEPS US IN DARKNESS
AND IN SHAME.

00:53:52.767 --> 00:53:54.100
>> YEAH.


00:53:54.200 --> 00:53:55.833
AND EVEN LIKE, YOU
KNOW, ONE OF THE CHAPTERS

00:53:55.933 --> 00:53:59.300
OF THE BOOK, IT TALKS
ABOUT UNFORGIVENESS,

00:53:59.400 --> 00:54:01.967
AND LIKE THE WORLDLY,


00:54:02.067 --> 00:54:04.067
YOU KNOW, LIE OR THE
WORLDLY LIKE POINT OF VIEW

00:54:04.167 --> 00:54:06.467
WOULD BE CANCEL CULTURE
AND THEN FORGIVENESS

00:54:06.567 --> 00:54:08.400
UNDERSTOOD, YOU KNOW,


00:54:08.500 --> 00:54:10.533
THROUGH THE LENS
OF BIBLICAL THEOLOGY.

00:54:10.633 --> 00:54:12.134
AND THAT, LIKE WITH MY DAD.


00:54:12.234 --> 00:54:13.166
IT'S LIKE, OKAY,


00:54:13.266 --> 00:54:17.234
I'M GOING TO CHOOSE
TO FORGIVE MY DAD.

00:54:17.334 --> 00:54:19.266
NOT BECAUSE OF AN OUTCOME.


00:54:19.366 --> 00:54:21.300
BECAUSE WHAT IF RECONCILIATION


00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:23.200
DOESN'T MEET MY EXPECTATIONS?


00:54:23.300 --> 00:54:25.467
LIKE, WHAT IF MY DAD DOESN'T
CHOOSE TO BE MY DAD

00:54:25.567 --> 00:54:27.133
AND A GRANDFATHER
TO MY KIDS?

00:54:27.233 --> 00:54:28.933
DO I STILL FORGIVE
HIM KNOWING THAT

00:54:29.033 --> 00:54:31.200
HE'S NOT GOING
TO DO THAT?

00:54:31.300 --> 00:54:32.233
THE BIBLE SAYS YES.


00:54:32.333 --> 00:54:35.200
BECAUSE I FORGIVE NOT
BECAUSE OF AN OUTCOME,

00:54:35.300 --> 00:54:38.833
I FORGIVE BECAUSE I'VE
BEEN FORGIVEN AND THAT'S

00:54:38.933 --> 00:54:39.900
NOT A ONE-TIME THING.


00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:41.267
THAT'S A POSTURE.


00:54:41.367 --> 00:54:42.300
>> IT'S FOREVER.


00:54:42.400 --> 00:54:44.633
>> BECAUSE IN THE
SAME WAY WHEN JESUS

00:54:44.733 --> 00:54:47.600
UTTERED TETELESTAI, WHEN HE
SAID, IT IS FINISHED,

00:54:47.700 --> 00:54:49.167
IT WAS IN, YOU KNOW,


00:54:49.267 --> 00:54:51.434
IT WAS IN THE
FUTURE PERFECT TENSE.

00:54:51.534 --> 00:54:55.234
MEANING THAT IT WAS
IMPERATIVE IN THAT MOMENT,

00:54:55.334 --> 00:54:57.666
BUT IT LASTED A LIFETIME.


00:54:57.766 --> 00:54:59.234
SO IN OUR HUMANITY


00:54:59.334 --> 00:55:03.200
SOMETIMES I CAN SAY
I'M SORRY TODAY,

00:55:03.300 --> 00:55:05.966
BUT IF YOU CATCH ME ON
TUESDAY OF NEXT WEEK

00:55:06.066 --> 00:55:10.267
WHEN I'M TIRED AND YOU
DO SOMETHING AGAIN --

00:55:10.367 --> 00:55:11.333
>> YEAH.


00:55:11.433 --> 00:55:17.234
>> OR SOMEONE REMINDS
ME THAT YOU BURNED ME,

00:55:17.334 --> 00:55:20.000
OR MY KID, YOU KNOW,
LIKE CANNON --

00:55:20.100 --> 00:55:22.500
AND, YOU KNOW, THE
BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT KIDS

00:55:22.600 --> 00:55:24.600
AND LIKE THE BEAUTY --


00:55:24.700 --> 00:55:26.667
LIKE IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL,
THEIR CURIOSITY.

00:55:26.767 --> 00:55:28.100
>> YEAH.


00:55:28.200 --> 00:55:31.100
>> AND THAT LIKE THEY ASK
QUESTIONS THAT MIGHT

00:55:31.200 --> 00:55:34.000
LIKE SEEM INVASIVE,
BUT IT'S JUST PURE.

00:55:34.100 --> 00:55:35.266
>> YEAH, THEY ARE.


00:55:35.366 --> 00:55:36.300
IT'S REALLY COOL.


00:55:36.400 --> 00:55:40.400
>> SO CANNON'S LIKE,
DO YOU HAVE A DAD?

00:55:40.500 --> 00:55:42.200
>> YEAH, THAT'S SO
SOMETHING THEY WOULD ASK.

00:55:42.300 --> 00:55:46.233
>> AND HE ASKS ME OFTEN
BECAUSE HE FORGETS.

00:55:46.333 --> 00:55:49.033
BECAUSE IT'S LIKE -- BECAUSE
LIKE I FEEL LIKE

00:55:49.133 --> 00:55:52.967
MY WIFE'S FAMILY LIKE FELL
OUT OF THE HALLMARK CHANNEL.

00:55:53.067 --> 00:55:53.333
THEY'RE LIKE --


00:55:53.433 --> 00:55:54.400
>> OH.


00:55:54.500 --> 00:55:55.433
>> INCREDIBLE,
THEY'RE AMAZING.

00:55:55.533 --> 00:55:57.767
>> I'M SO HAPPY THAT
YOU HAVE THAT, THOUGH.

00:55:57.867 --> 00:55:59.233
I MEAN, WHAT A BLESSING.


00:55:59.333 --> 00:56:02.400
>> THEY ARE. AND LIKE LIKE
CHRIS AND DEB, LIKE I LOVE THEM

00:56:02.500 --> 00:56:03.966
TO THE MOON AND BACK
AND THEY'RE AMAZING

00:56:04.066 --> 00:56:07.200
AND THEY'RE SO GOOD TO ME
AND SO GOOD FOR MY SOUL.

00:56:07.300 --> 00:56:09.467
BUT SOMETIMES HE'S LIKE
DO YOU --

00:56:09.567 --> 00:56:10.666
>> WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD?


00:56:10.766 --> 00:56:12.433
>> YEAH, IT'S LIKE,
DO YOU HAVE A DAD?

00:56:12.533 --> 00:56:16.134
BECAUSE HE'S MET HIM
LIKE TWO TIMES,

00:56:16.234 --> 00:56:17.967
AND SOME OF OUR KIDS
NEVER MET HIM.

00:56:18.067 --> 00:56:19.000
>> YEAH.


00:56:19.100 --> 00:56:20.466
>> AND LIKE THE PICTURES
THAT WE HAVE OF HIM,

00:56:20.566 --> 00:56:22.700
HE'S LIKE HOLDING
HIM LIKE AS A KID, YOU KNOW.

00:56:22.800 --> 00:56:24.800
IT'S LIKE, WHO IS THIS PERSON?


00:56:24.900 --> 00:56:28.633
AND IN THAT MOMENT


00:56:28.733 --> 00:56:33.400
I FEEL THE WEIGHT OF
YOU WEREN'T THERE.

00:56:33.500 --> 00:56:34.334
>> YEAH.


00:56:34.434 --> 00:56:35.867
>> YOU DON'T TEXT, YOU
DON'T CALL.

00:56:35.967 --> 00:56:37.134
I INVITED YOU TO SOMETHING


00:56:37.234 --> 00:56:39.033
AND YOU SAID NO.


00:56:39.133 --> 00:56:43.866
SO I COULD CHOOSE TO
GO BACK TO RESENTMENT,

00:56:43.966 --> 00:56:47.534
BUT I HAVE TO ACTIVELY
CONTINUE TO CHOOSE --

00:56:47.634 --> 00:56:48.767
LIKE IT'S NOT --


00:56:48.867 --> 00:56:50.333
IT'S NOT A
ONE-TIME DECISION.

00:56:50.433 --> 00:56:51.367
IT'S A HEART POSTURE.


00:56:51.467 --> 00:56:54.366
AND I'M GOING TO
CHOOSE TO RESPOND

00:56:54.466 --> 00:56:57.500
IN THE REALITY OF
IN SPITE OF MY CIRCUMSTANCE.

00:56:57.600 --> 00:56:59.100
IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE
DIFFERENCE OF

00:56:59.200 --> 00:57:01.200
REACTIONARY BEHAVIOR AND
RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR.

00:57:01.300 --> 00:57:07.067
REACTIONARY BEHAVIOR IS LIKE I
AM REACTING BASED UPON A PERSON

00:57:07.167 --> 00:57:10.000
OR A SITUATION AND
THAT'S GOING TO BE THE THING

00:57:10.100 --> 00:57:12.100
THAT'S INDICATIVE
OF HOW I FEEL.

00:57:12.200 --> 00:57:15.067
RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR IS, WELL,
THERE'S A CORE BELIEF

00:57:15.167 --> 00:57:16.800
OR SOMETHING THAT
EXISTS OUTSIDE OF ME

00:57:16.900 --> 00:57:20.234
THAT'S BIGGER THAN ME
THAT I PRE-DECIDE TO

00:57:20.334 --> 00:57:23.100
WHATEVER HAPPENS,
LIKE THIS IS TRUE.

00:57:23.200 --> 00:57:26.100
SO I'M GOING TO PRE-DECIDE,
I'M GOING TO FORGIVE,

00:57:26.200 --> 00:57:30.067
EVEN IF THAT -- WHEN
MY SWEET LITTLE CANNON SAYS,

00:57:30.167 --> 00:57:33.866
DO YOU HAVE A DAD, THAT
STINGS IN THAT MOMENT,

00:57:33.966 --> 00:57:36.467
BUT, YOU KNOW, 2 CORINTHIANS
10:5 TALKS ABOUT LIKE

00:57:36.567 --> 00:57:37.767
TAKING EVERY THOUGHT
CAPTIVE AND MAKING IT

00:57:37.867 --> 00:57:39.267
OBEDIENT TO CHRIST.


00:57:39.367 --> 00:57:40.733
I FEEL THAT THOUGHT.


00:57:40.833 --> 00:57:42.400
I FEEL THAT STING.


00:57:42.500 --> 00:57:44.200
BUT I BRING THAT
THOUGHT TO CHRIST.

00:57:44.300 --> 00:57:45.200
>> YEAH.


00:57:45.300 --> 00:57:46.467
>> AND I MAKE IT OBEDIENT.


00:57:46.567 --> 00:57:48.466
NOT BECAUSE OF HOW I FEEL,


00:57:48.566 --> 00:57:51.000
BUT BECAUSE WHAT HE
SAYS IS MOST TRUE.

00:57:51.100 --> 00:57:53.933
AND I JUST DO THAT OVER
AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

00:57:54.033 --> 00:57:56.333
SO I WOULD SAY, YOU KNOW, A
BIG THING THAT PEOPLE

00:57:56.433 --> 00:58:00.167
GET HUNG UP ON IS TRYING
TO CONTROL AN OUTCOME.

00:58:00.267 --> 00:58:04.000
SO IF I'M STUCK IN
SEXUAL SIN IT'S LIKE,

00:58:04.100 --> 00:58:06.433
WELL, HOW CAN I BE
CLEAN FOR SIX MONTHS?

00:58:06.533 --> 00:58:08.433
HOW CAN I NEVER
WATCH PORN AGAIN?

00:58:08.533 --> 00:58:11.467
HOW CAN -- YOU KNOW, HOW
CAN I CHANGE MY LIFE?

00:58:11.567 --> 00:58:13.533
WELL, TODAY IS THE DAY
THE LORD HAS MADE.

00:58:13.633 --> 00:58:14.666
I'M GOING TO BE GLAD IN IT.


00:58:14.766 --> 00:58:15.533
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?


00:58:15.633 --> 00:58:18.200
YOU JUST DO THE NEXT
RIGHT THING

00:58:18.300 --> 00:58:20.400
AND THEN YOU WAKE UP
AND YOU DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW.

00:58:20.500 --> 00:58:21.200
>> YEAH.


00:58:21.300 --> 00:58:22.600
>> AND THEN WHAT
YOU'LL SEE IS --

00:58:22.700 --> 00:58:24.134
YOU KNOW, EUGENE PETERSON,


00:58:24.234 --> 00:58:26.600
HE WROTE A REALLY
GREAT BOOK CALLED,

00:58:26.700 --> 00:58:28.200
<i>LONG OBEDIENCE
IN THE SAME DIRECTION.</i>

00:58:28.300 --> 00:58:31.767
IF I JUST DO THE NEXT
RIGHT THING

00:58:31.867 --> 00:58:33.567
CONSISTENTLY OVER TIME,


00:58:33.667 --> 00:58:37.300
I'LL LOOK AS I'M LATER
DOWN THE ROAD IN MY LIFE,

00:58:37.400 --> 00:58:40.034
AND I WILL BUILD A LIFE
THAT I NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE,

00:58:40.134 --> 00:58:42.267
BECAUSE YOU'RE
LIVING BY GOD'S DESIGN.

00:58:42.367 --> 00:58:45.200
>> WOW, THAT'S SO GOOD.


00:58:45.300 --> 00:58:50.867
IT IS HARD WHEN I
UNDERSTAND HAVING, YOU KNOW,

00:58:50.967 --> 00:58:52.400
IT'S ONE THING TO
FORGIVE SOMEONE.

00:58:52.500 --> 00:58:54.433
IT'S HARD WHEN THAT PERSON
KEEPS DOING THINGS

00:58:54.533 --> 00:58:55.900
THAT ARE HURTFUL.


00:58:56.000 --> 00:58:57.100
>> YEAH.


00:58:57.200 --> 00:58:58.900
>> AND I WILL SAY THAT
OUR CULTURE, ONE OF THE THINGS

00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:00.867
THAT I'VE SEEN
ONLINE IS THAT

00:59:00.967 --> 00:59:02.900
MY GENERATION AND YOUNGER,


00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:04.667
THEY'RE REALLY TEACHING
PEOPLE TO COMPLETELY

00:59:04.767 --> 00:59:07.434
DETACH THEMSELVES
FROM FAMILY.

00:59:07.534 --> 00:59:09.067
YOU KNOW, IF THEY'RE
GETTING HURT,

00:59:09.167 --> 00:59:11.500
AND I DO THINK THERE'S
A TIME TO DO THAT,

00:59:11.600 --> 00:59:15.133
BUT I DO THINK IN THE
MESSAGE OF THE BIBLE,

00:59:15.233 --> 00:59:18.700
WE ARE TO FORGIVE
AND WE CAN STILL REACH OUT

00:59:18.800 --> 00:59:19.934
IN LOVE AND YOU CAN
STILL HAVE BOUNDARIES.

00:59:20.034 --> 00:59:20.967
>> YEAH.


00:59:21.067 --> 00:59:23.033
I MEAN, THAT'S
THAT'S SO IMPORTANT.

00:59:23.133 --> 00:59:27.234
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE
CALLED TO FORGIVE,

00:59:27.334 --> 00:59:29.767
BUT NOT NECESSARILY
FORGET.

00:59:29.867 --> 00:59:31.267
>> NO, YOU DON'T FORGET.


00:59:31.367 --> 00:59:33.533
>> AND THEN THAT MEANS
THAT YOU CAN HAVE,

00:59:33.633 --> 00:59:35.167
LIKE BOUNDARIES
ARE HEALTHY.

00:59:35.267 --> 00:59:38.100
AND, YOU KNOW, THAT'S LIKE
GATES ARE GREAT, YOU KNOW.

00:59:38.200 --> 00:59:39.867
>> YEAH. BUT A
GATE'S NOT A WALL.

00:59:39.967 --> 00:59:41.567
>> RIGHT. A GATE
IS NOT A WALL.

00:59:41.667 --> 00:59:42.967
>> THAT'S THE
DIFFERENTIATION

00:59:43.067 --> 00:59:44.333
BECAUSE I THINK
PEOPLE, AND I GET IT,

00:59:44.433 --> 00:59:45.300
YOU GET SO HURT
YOU'RE LIKE

00:59:45.400 --> 00:59:47.667
I'M NEVER LETTING
THIS PERSON IN.

00:59:47.767 --> 00:59:49.833
BUT IT'S LIKE FAMILY
IS THIS -- AND YOU MIGHT GO

00:59:49.933 --> 00:59:52.100
THROUGH SEASONS WHERE YOU DON'T
SEE THEM AND STUFF,

00:59:52.200 --> 00:59:53.367
BUT FAMILY AT THE
END OF THE DAY,

00:59:53.467 --> 00:59:54.767
THERE KIND OF IS THAT.


00:59:54.867 --> 00:59:55.767
AND WITH YOUR PARENTS


00:59:55.867 --> 00:59:57.467
YOU'RE CALLED
TO HONOR THEM.

00:59:57.567 --> 00:59:58.467
>> YEAH.


00:59:58.567 --> 01:00:00.900
>> EVEN IF THEY'RE
NOT VERY GOOD PARENTS.

01:00:01.000 --> 01:00:01.933
>> AND I WOULD SAY THAT'S
SOMETHING THAT CHANGED

01:00:02.033 --> 01:00:03.300
LIKE IN ME.


01:00:03.400 --> 01:00:06.400
SO LIKE LEVI LUSKO
IS SOMEONE WHO IS --

01:00:06.500 --> 01:00:09.366
SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS
INTO MY LIFE AND HE

01:00:09.466 --> 01:00:12.133
SPOKE THIS WORD OVER ME AND
HE WAS JUST LIKE, JOSH,

01:00:12.233 --> 01:00:16.366
I JUST REALLY BELIEVE
THAT WOULDN'T IT

01:00:16.466 --> 01:00:18.333
JUST BE BEAUTIFUL


01:00:18.433 --> 01:00:28.033
IF GOD USED YOU TO BE A
VESSEL OR A CONDUIT OF GOD

01:00:28.133 --> 01:00:31.567
MINISTERING TO WHATEVER
IS BROKEN IN YOUR DAD.

01:00:31.667 --> 01:00:33.034
>> YEAH.


01:00:33.134 --> 01:00:36.700
>> LIKE IN HIS
GRACE AND HIS MERCY,

01:00:36.800 --> 01:00:40.400
WHAT IF IT IS IN SPITE
OF MY SITUATION,

01:00:40.500 --> 01:00:42.834
IN THE SAME WAY THAT
GOD PURSUED ME

01:00:42.934 --> 01:00:44.867
WHEN I WAS NOT
LOOKING FOR HIM,

01:00:44.967 --> 01:00:49.967
WHAT IF I'M CALLED TO
CONTINUE TO PURSUE MY DAD?

01:00:50.067 --> 01:00:53.700
LIKE HOW BEAUTIFUL OF
A LOVE STORY WOULD IT BE?

01:00:53.800 --> 01:00:54.733
>> YEAH.


01:00:54.833 --> 01:00:56.733
>> AND AT THE SAME TIME,


01:00:56.833 --> 01:01:00.666
I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT
GOD IS SOVEREIGN

01:01:00.766 --> 01:01:03.000
AND HIS WAYS ARE NOT MY WAYS,


01:01:03.100 --> 01:01:05.034
AND HIS WAYS ARE
HIGHER THAN MY WAYS,

01:01:05.134 --> 01:01:07.700
AND MAYBE HIS
OUTCOME WILL BE DIFFERENT

01:01:07.800 --> 01:01:08.700
THAN MINE.


01:01:08.800 --> 01:01:11.434
BUT I'M NOT CALLED
TO BE PERFECT.

01:01:11.534 --> 01:01:14.567
I'M CALLED TO BE
OBEDIENT,

01:01:14.667 --> 01:01:18.034
AND I THINK THAT'S IT.


01:01:18.134 --> 01:01:19.333
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE


01:01:19.433 --> 01:01:24.366
PURSUIT AND COMMITMENT
AND CONSISTENCY.

01:01:24.466 --> 01:01:26.467
THAT'S HARD.


01:01:26.567 --> 01:01:29.333
>> YEAH. IT'S LIKE A
DAY-TO-DAY DECISION,

01:01:29.433 --> 01:01:33.600
BUT HE'LL GIVE YOU GRACE,
BUT WHAT I LOVE IS THAT --

01:01:33.700 --> 01:01:34.734
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S KIND OF --


01:01:34.834 --> 01:01:36.100
YOU'RE KIND OF
SUMMARIZING THE GOSPEL.

01:01:36.200 --> 01:01:37.934
AND LIKE ONE OF THINGS
WE'RE CALLED TO DO IS LIKE

01:01:38.034 --> 01:01:40.300
GOD LOVES US IN THIS LIKE
EXTRAVAGANT WAY

01:01:40.400 --> 01:01:42.067
AND HE REDEEMS US AND THEN HE
CALLS US TO LOVE

01:01:42.167 --> 01:01:44.933
OTHER PEOPLE WITH
HIS LOVE THROUGH US,

01:01:45.033 --> 01:01:46.700
NOT OUR OWN LOVE OUT OF OUR --


01:01:46.800 --> 01:01:50.000
YOU KNOW, HIS UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE AND THEN PEOPLE

01:01:50.100 --> 01:01:50.900
ARE CHANGED.


01:01:51.000 --> 01:01:51.867
AND ONE OF THE THINGS
I LOVE ABOUT

01:01:51.967 --> 01:01:53.900
THINKING ABOUT
FORGIVENESS IS THE WAY,

01:01:54.000 --> 01:01:55.834
ONE OF THE WAYS I SEE
FORGIVENESS

01:01:55.934 --> 01:01:57.834
IS FORGIVENESS IS A WAY TO LIKE
STOP A CYCLE OF PAIN.

01:01:57.934 --> 01:01:58.767
>> YEAH.


01:01:58.867 --> 01:01:59.833
>> BECAUSE IT'S LIKE
YOUR DAD GOT HURT

01:01:59.933 --> 01:02:01.500
AND THEN YOU GOT HURT.


01:02:01.600 --> 01:02:02.567
AND IT'S LIKE
YOU STOPPED IT.

01:02:02.667 --> 01:02:03.233
>> YEAH.


01:02:03.333 --> 01:02:04.200
>> STOPPED THE CYCLE.


01:02:04.300 --> 01:02:06.034
NOW YOUR KIDS,
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN KIDS.

01:02:06.134 --> 01:02:08.166
>> YEAH, BECAUSE LIKE
SATAN WANTS TO PUT

01:02:08.266 --> 01:02:10.766
A STRONGHOLD LIKE IN MY MIND,


01:02:10.866 --> 01:02:13.500
A GENERATIONAL CURSE
ON MY LIFE,

01:02:13.600 --> 01:02:16.034
YOU KNOW, THAT YOU --


01:02:16.134 --> 01:02:17.500
HE WANTS MY KIDS
TO EXPERIENCE

01:02:17.600 --> 01:02:18.400
WHAT I EXPERIENCED.


01:02:18.500 --> 01:02:19.700
>> EXACTLY.


01:02:19.800 --> 01:02:22.300
IT'S SO EASY TO
KEEP THE CYCLE GOING.

01:02:22.400 --> 01:02:23.500
IT'S HARD TO BREAK IT.


01:02:23.600 --> 01:02:25.500
>> WHAT'S WILD ABOUT THAT,


01:02:25.600 --> 01:02:28.933
IS LIKE IN OUR
IN OUR HUMANITY,

01:02:29.033 --> 01:02:32.067
YOU WOULD THINK, WELL, TO
FIX THAT THEN I NEED TO

01:02:32.167 --> 01:02:34.634
FIX THE RELATIONSHIP WITH
MY DAD OR MY DAD NEEDS

01:02:34.734 --> 01:02:36.466
TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.


01:02:36.566 --> 01:02:39.700
SO LIKE, NO, I CAN ACTUALLY
CHOOSE TO FORGIVE HIM

01:02:39.800 --> 01:02:42.566
IN SPITE OF WHAT HE DOES
AND I JUST CHOOSE

01:02:42.666 --> 01:02:44.866
TO BE A GOOD DAD.


01:02:44.966 --> 01:02:48.634
AND IT'S LIKE -- AND I
THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE

01:02:48.734 --> 01:02:51.033
THAT I FIND THAT
GREW UP LIKE ME,

01:02:51.133 --> 01:02:54.866
THEY CAN FALL
INTO THE TRAP OF MAN.

01:02:54.966 --> 01:02:58.633
WELL, I GOTTA MAKE SURE
THAT MY KID HAS EVERYTHING

01:02:58.733 --> 01:02:59.567
AND DOES ALL THIS.


01:02:59.667 --> 01:03:02.600
>> THEY'RE TRYING TO
OVERCOMPENSATE.

01:03:02.700 --> 01:03:04.467
>> I'M SURE, YOU KNOW,
YOU KNOW THIS

01:03:04.567 --> 01:03:06.333
AND CAN APPRECIATE THIS.


01:03:06.433 --> 01:03:09.967
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
LIKE WHAT MY KID WANTS TO DO

01:03:10.067 --> 01:03:12.067
IS FOR ME TO SIT ON THE
FLOOR AND LISTEN TO HIM.

01:03:12.167 --> 01:03:13.200
>> YEAH.


01:03:13.300 --> 01:03:14.600
>> LIKE THE GREATEST
PRESENT THAT I CAN GIVE HIM

01:03:14.700 --> 01:03:15.633
IS MY PRESENCE.


01:03:15.733 --> 01:03:17.667
>> OH, TOTALLY.
AND I THINK, TOO,

01:03:17.767 --> 01:03:19.567
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO
DIFFERENTIATE THAT IT'S

01:03:19.667 --> 01:03:21.433
LIKE IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO
CHANGE YOUR DAD.

01:03:21.533 --> 01:03:22.667
>> RIGHT.


01:03:22.767 --> 01:03:24.833
>> WE ARE JUST CALLED TO BE
OBEDIENT TO WHAT GOD TELLS

01:03:24.933 --> 01:03:28.900
US TO DO AND YOU LOVE
WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION

01:03:29.000 --> 01:03:30.400
OR ANY TIMELINE.


01:03:30.500 --> 01:03:31.467
>> YEAH.


01:03:31.567 --> 01:03:33.434
>> BUT GOD CAN WORK
THROUGH YOU AND HE CAN --

01:03:33.534 --> 01:03:34.500
HE'S THE ONE.


01:03:34.600 --> 01:03:35.733
THE HOLY SPIRIT IS THE
ONE THAT CONVICTS US.

01:03:35.833 --> 01:03:38.100
HE'S THE ONE THAT WORKS ON
OUR HEARTS, BUT THAT LOVE

01:03:38.167 --> 01:03:40.400
CAN HELP SHIFT AND MAKE A
DIFFERENCE AND I'VE HEARD

01:03:40.500 --> 01:03:42.567
SO MANY STORIES WHERE
PEOPLE LOVED THEIR PARENTS

01:03:42.667 --> 01:03:45.700
AND HONORED THEM WHEN THEY
DID NOT DESERVE IT,

01:03:45.800 --> 01:03:48.300
BUT GOD DID A MIRACULOUS WORK
IN THEIR LIFE AND IT WAS

01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:51.933
THROUGH THAT CHILD LOVING
THEIR PARENT.

01:03:52.033 --> 01:03:56.134
AND I'M JUST LIKE WHY NOT CHOOSE
TO FORGIVE AND LOVE THOSE

01:03:56.234 --> 01:03:59.067
WHO DON'T DESERVE IT, AND THE
GRACE THAT GOD GIVES US

01:03:59.167 --> 01:04:00.533
AND THE LOVE THAT GOD
GIVES US FOR PEOPLE

01:04:00.633 --> 01:04:01.400
WITH WISDOM.


01:04:01.500 --> 01:04:02.500
>> YEAH.


01:04:02.600 --> 01:04:03.533
>> YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S
SAYING, TAKE LIKE WE SAID

01:04:03.633 --> 01:04:04.767
GATES, BUT NOT WALLS.


01:04:04.867 --> 01:04:05.934
>> YEAH.


01:04:06.034 --> 01:04:08.433
>> BUT GOD CAN DO A WORK
THERE AND THAT'S WHY GOD --

01:04:08.533 --> 01:04:11.867
ONE OF THE THINGS THE LORD HAS
TAUGHT ME IS LIKE HIS WAY,

01:04:11.967 --> 01:04:14.734
THE KINGDOM, IS A WAY
THAT'S HIGHER

01:04:14.834 --> 01:04:17.200
AND IT'S BETTER THAN THE
WAY OUR WORLD OPERATES.

01:04:17.300 --> 01:04:20.700
AND IT IS COSTLY
AND IT CAN HURT

01:04:20.800 --> 01:04:22.567
AND THERE IS SACRIFICE INVOLVED.


01:04:22.667 --> 01:04:25.666
BUT OBEDIENCE IS THE
WAY TO DO THINGS.

01:04:25.766 --> 01:04:27.633
IT'S THE BEST WAY TO DO
THINGS, AND ONE DAY WE WILL

01:04:27.733 --> 01:04:31.233
STAND BEFORE HIM AND I'D
RATHER SAY THAT I OBEYED

01:04:31.333 --> 01:04:34.100
AND I HELPED EXPAND
YOUR KINGDOM

01:04:34.200 --> 01:04:35.900
VERSUS I WAS A HINDRANCE --


01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:36.866
>> YEAH.


01:04:36.966 --> 01:04:38.567
>> BECAUSE I GOT
OFFENDED AND I SAID NO.

01:04:38.667 --> 01:04:40.233
>> YEAH, BECAUSE, I MEAN,
THINKING ABOUT LIKE

01:04:40.333 --> 01:04:43.600
THE PRODIGAL SON, LIKE HIS
HEART FOR HIS CHILDREN.

01:04:43.700 --> 01:04:46.300
HE'S NOT LIKE
WAVING HIS FINGER

01:04:46.400 --> 01:04:47.733
OR POUNDING HIS FIST.


01:04:47.833 --> 01:04:51.300
HE'S SAYING TAKE ONE STEP
TOWARDS ME AND I'M GOING

01:04:51.400 --> 01:04:53.567
TO RUN TOWARDS MY CHILD
AND I'M GOING TO PUT

01:04:53.667 --> 01:04:56.000
A RING ON YOUR FINGER, A
SANDAL ON YOUR FOOT,

01:04:56.100 --> 01:04:57.734
A ROBE ACROSS YOUR BACK,


01:04:57.834 --> 01:04:58.767
AND I'M GOING TO
THROW A PARTY

01:04:58.867 --> 01:05:00.967
BECAUSE MY SON OR MY
DAUGHTER HAS COME HOME.

01:05:01.067 --> 01:05:01.867
>> YEAH.


01:05:01.967 --> 01:05:03.367
>> I JUST WANT MY
KIDS TO COME HOME.

01:05:03.467 --> 01:05:06.467
>> AND I THINK IT'S JUST SO
IMPORTANT FOR CHRISTIANS

01:05:06.567 --> 01:05:10.000
TO REMAIN IN A POSTURE
OF HUMILITY WITH GOD

01:05:10.100 --> 01:05:13.067
BECAUSE I THINK
RELIGION CAN SET IN

01:05:13.167 --> 01:05:15.533
AND YOU THINK ABOUT THAT OLDER
SON THAT WAS LIKE ANNOYED

01:05:15.633 --> 01:05:17.800
AND MAD THAT HIS
BROTHER WAS REDEEMED.

01:05:17.900 --> 01:05:19.766
>> AND I CAN
RESONATE WITH THAT.

01:05:19.866 --> 01:05:21.433
>> YEAH. AND IT'S LIKE
WE DON'T WANT TO FIND OURSELVES

01:05:21.533 --> 01:05:23.100
IN THAT POSITION.


01:05:23.200 --> 01:05:25.233
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE WE
WANT TO CREATE A POSTURE

01:05:25.333 --> 01:05:27.800
OF HUMILITY AND ASKING
GOD, GIVE ME YOUR HEART

01:05:27.900 --> 01:05:29.034
FOR PEOPLE.


01:05:29.134 --> 01:05:31.200
SO THAT WHEN THAT
PERSON COMES BACK,

01:05:31.300 --> 01:05:33.233
WE'RE CELEBRATING
WE'RE NOT RESENTFUL.

01:05:33.333 --> 01:05:35.600
>> YEAH, AND I WOULD SAY
LIKE THAT IN ITSELF,

01:05:35.700 --> 01:05:39.233
LIKE WHAT YOU JUST
SAID, LIKE,

01:05:39.333 --> 01:05:44.100
I WASN'T STRUGGLING AS
MUCH TO STOP WATCHING PORN

01:05:44.200 --> 01:05:45.566
WHEN I LEFT THAT
INDUSTRY.

01:05:45.666 --> 01:05:50.066
MORE SO, IT WAS TRUSTING AND
LETTING PEOPLE IN

01:05:50.166 --> 01:05:50.700
AND STOP --


01:05:50.800 --> 01:05:53.334
>> YEAH.


01:05:53.434 --> 01:05:56.434
>> LIKE OBJECTIFYING
PEOPLE.

01:05:56.534 --> 01:06:00.134
AND THE SOLUTION WASN'T TO
LIKE TRY REALLY HARD

01:06:00.234 --> 01:06:03.533
NOT TO LIKE LOOK AT PEOPLE
IN A CERTAIN WAY

01:06:03.633 --> 01:06:05.700
OR LIKE NOT LOOK AT PORN


01:06:05.800 --> 01:06:08.067
OR WHATEVER.


01:06:08.167 --> 01:06:09.433
THE SOLUTION WAS ME,


01:06:09.533 --> 01:06:11.033
YOU KNOW, ME ASKING GOD,


01:06:11.133 --> 01:06:14.433
LET ME SEE PEOPLE


01:06:14.533 --> 01:06:16.200
LIKE YOU SEE THEM.


01:06:16.300 --> 01:06:17.433
>> THAT'S THE KEY.


01:06:17.533 --> 01:06:21.700
>> LET ME SEE
PEOPLE LIKE YOU SEE ME.

01:06:21.800 --> 01:06:23.667
>> OH, YES.


01:06:23.767 --> 01:06:25.633
THERE'S A REALLY GOOD
TEACHING ON THIS.

01:06:25.733 --> 01:06:27.300
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.


01:06:27.400 --> 01:06:28.900
YOU'RE THE SECOND PERSON
I'VE HEARD SAY THAT.

01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:32.100
AND HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN, TOO,

01:06:32.200 --> 01:06:35.067
OVERCOMING LUST,
AND HE SAID SEEING PEOPLE

01:06:35.167 --> 01:06:36.634
IN THE IMAGE OF GOD.


01:06:36.734 --> 01:06:38.466
AND THERE'S LIKE
THIS TEACHING,

01:06:38.566 --> 01:06:40.700
MY SONS WATCH<i>THE BIBLE
PROJECT</i> AND THEY HAVE LIKE

01:06:40.800 --> 01:06:44.133
THESE TEACHINGS ON THAT
SERMON ON THE MOUNT

01:06:44.233 --> 01:06:47.300
IN MATTHEW 5, BUT
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS

01:06:47.400 --> 01:06:51.733
HE SAYS IS THAT WHEN YOU
SEE PEOPLE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD

01:06:51.833 --> 01:06:54.267
AND YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT LUST IS ACTUALLY LIKE

01:06:54.367 --> 01:06:56.467
TRYING TO DEHUMANIZE
THAT PERSON FOR YOUR

01:06:56.567 --> 01:06:59.400
OWN SELFISH REASONS, IT
HELPS BREAK THAT.

01:06:59.500 --> 01:07:00.200
>> YEAH.


01:07:00.300 --> 01:07:00.834
>> YEAH.


01:07:00.934 --> 01:07:01.733
>> I LOVE THAT.


01:07:01.833 --> 01:07:03.167
I MEAN JUST
THINKING ABOUT THAT,

01:07:03.267 --> 01:07:04.534
YOU KNOW, THAT THAT
PORTION OF SCRIPTURE.

01:07:04.634 --> 01:07:05.900
JESUS IS SAYING, YOU KNOW,


01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:07.667
IF YOU EVEN LUST,
LIKE NOT --

01:07:07.767 --> 01:07:09.533
NOT THE
ACT OF ADULTERY.

01:07:09.633 --> 01:07:12.767
IF YOU LUST IN YOUR
MIND, YOU MIGHT AS WELL

01:07:12.867 --> 01:07:15.566
COMMITTED ADULTERY AND
IT'S BETTER FOR YOU TO CUT

01:07:15.666 --> 01:07:18.266
OFF YOUR HANDS AND, YOU
KNOW, GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES.

01:07:18.366 --> 01:07:20.567
BUT HE HE'S NOT
SPEAKING IN HYPERBOLE.

01:07:20.667 --> 01:07:24.400
HE'S SAYING, YOU KNOW, EVEN
IF YOU CUT OFF YOUR HANDS

01:07:24.500 --> 01:07:25.500
SO THAT YOU COULDN'T MASTURBATE


01:07:25.600 --> 01:07:26.767
AND YOU GOUGED OUT
YOUR EYES

01:07:26.867 --> 01:07:28.700
SO YOU COULDN'T SEE
ANYTHING, OR, YOU KNOW,

01:07:28.800 --> 01:07:29.866
YOU BECAME BRAIN DEAD


01:07:29.966 --> 01:07:31.833
SO THAT YOU COULDN'T THINK
INAPPROPRIATE THOUGHTS,

01:07:31.933 --> 01:07:34.934
THE PROBLEM LIES IN YOUR HEART
AND YOU NEED SURGERY THAT

01:07:35.034 --> 01:07:36.767
YOU CAN'T GIVE YOURSELF,
ONLY THE PERSON OF

01:07:36.867 --> 01:07:38.400
JESUS CHRIST CAN FIX THAT.


01:07:38.500 --> 01:07:40.400
>> EXACTLY. AND
HE WAS TALKING, YOU KNOW,

01:07:40.500 --> 01:07:42.867
HE WAS TALKING TO --


01:07:42.967 --> 01:07:43.866
YOU KNOW, HE WAS JEWISH.


01:07:43.966 --> 01:07:45.000
HE WAS IN ISRAEL.


01:07:45.100 --> 01:07:46.700
IT'S WHY A HISTORICAL
CONTEXT ALWAYS HELPS.

01:07:46.800 --> 01:07:47.800
AND HE WAS TALKING
TO A PEOPLE THAT WERE LIKE,

01:07:47.900 --> 01:07:49.733
WELL, I FOLLOWED THE LAW,
AND HE WAS LIKE,

01:07:49.833 --> 01:07:51.600
I'M GOING AFTER
SOMETHING DEEPER HERE.

01:07:51.700 --> 01:07:52.934
I'M GOING AFTER
YOUR HEART.

01:07:53.034 --> 01:07:55.000
NOT JUST AN OUTWARD
MANIFESTATION.

01:07:55.100 --> 01:07:56.800
I WANT THIS CHANGED.


01:07:56.900 --> 01:07:58.600
>> YEAH, NOT BEHAVIOR
MODIFICATION,

01:07:58.700 --> 01:07:59.700
HEART TRANSFORMATION.


01:07:59.800 --> 01:08:01.466
AND ONLY
JESUS CAN DO THAT.

01:08:01.566 --> 01:08:02.866
>> SO GOOD.


01:08:02.966 --> 01:08:05.200
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR THIS JUST SHARING

01:08:05.300 --> 01:08:07.367
YOUR STORY.


01:08:07.467 --> 01:08:12.300
AND, YOU KNOW, JUST HELPING
PEOPLE SEE THAT GOD

01:08:12.400 --> 01:08:15.600
CAN REDEEM ANYONE AND THAT
YOU'RE NOT TOO FAR.

01:08:15.700 --> 01:08:16.633
BUT NOT JUST REDEEM,


01:08:16.733 --> 01:08:21.167
GOD CAN COMPLETELY
TRANSFORM AND SET YOU INTO

01:08:21.267 --> 01:08:23.434
A TRAJECTORY WHERE YOU'RE
LIVING IN THE FULLNESS

01:08:23.534 --> 01:08:25.200
OF YOUR CALLING.


01:08:25.300 --> 01:08:30.000
YEAH, NOT LIVING AT 2% OR
50%, BUT LIVING AT 100%.

01:08:30.100 --> 01:08:32.600
>> YEAH, I MEAN, JUST TO
THINK THAT, YOU KNOW,

01:08:32.700 --> 01:08:35.000
OVER THE LAST, YOU KNOW,
THREE, FOUR YEARS,

01:08:35.100 --> 01:08:37.900
I'VE SPOKEN AT 300
DIFFERENT CHURCHES

01:08:38.000 --> 01:08:39.334
AND WROTE A BOOK THAT DID
REALLY WELL

01:08:39.434 --> 01:08:40.700
AND DID ALL THESE THINGS.


01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:42.834
IT'S LIKE, IT'S NOT
ABOUT LIKE ACCOLADES

01:08:42.934 --> 01:08:47.166
OR NUMBERS, BUT IT'S JUST THE
REALITY THAT IN SPITE OF ME

01:08:47.266 --> 01:08:50.667
GOD USED ME, BUT THAT WAS
BORN OUT OF

01:08:50.767 --> 01:08:52.300
JUST SIMPLE OBEDIENCE.


01:08:52.400 --> 01:08:53.566
>> YEAH.


01:08:53.666 --> 01:08:56.467
>> AND THAT IF I'M WILLING
TO SURRENDER AND SUBMIT

01:08:56.567 --> 01:08:58.934
MY LIFE TO JESUS
AND SAY, LORD,

01:08:59.034 --> 01:09:00.600
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO?


01:09:00.700 --> 01:09:02.566
WHAT WOULD YOU
HAVE ME SAY?

01:09:02.666 --> 01:09:06.433
YOU KNOW, WE LOOK AT
STORY AFTER STORY IN THE BIBLE

01:09:06.533 --> 01:09:08.600
WHERE I LOVE -- ONE
MORE THING.

01:09:08.700 --> 01:09:09.700
>> YEAH.


01:09:09.800 --> 01:09:11.733
>> AND IT'S JUST I THINK IT'S
JUST SO IMPORTANT

01:09:11.833 --> 01:09:13.433
TO KIND OF THINK OF THAT LIKE


01:09:13.533 --> 01:09:17.400
JOHN 21 WHERE JESUS
RESTORES PETER.

01:09:17.500 --> 01:09:20.500
AND IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
PETER HAD SAID,

01:09:20.600 --> 01:09:22.533
IF YOU HAD ASKED PETER, IF
PETER WOULD HAVE TAKEN

01:09:22.633 --> 01:09:24.334
A POLYGRAPH,


01:09:24.434 --> 01:09:26.100
WELL, ARE YOU GOING
TO DENY JESUS?

01:09:26.200 --> 01:09:27.466
NO WAY.


01:09:27.566 --> 01:09:28.600
NO WAY.


01:09:28.700 --> 01:09:30.333
AND HE BELIEVES IT
IN HIS HEART OF HEARTS,

01:09:30.433 --> 01:09:32.200
YET HE DID IT ANYWAY.


01:09:32.300 --> 01:09:36.600
AND THEN HE DOES IT AND
THEN HE GOES BACK FISHING.

01:09:36.700 --> 01:09:38.033
AND THEN JESUS IS, YOU KNOW,


01:09:38.133 --> 01:09:39.867
ON THE SHORE
MAKING BREAKFAST.

01:09:39.967 --> 01:09:41.400
THEY GO TO HIM.


01:09:41.500 --> 01:09:43.067
AND JESUS ASKED,


01:09:43.167 --> 01:09:45.233
PETER, DO YOU LOVE ME?


01:09:45.333 --> 01:09:46.567
AND THEN IN THE
GREEK HE'S SAYING

01:09:46.667 --> 01:09:48.333
DO YOU AGAPE ME?


01:09:48.433 --> 01:09:51.233
THE TOTALITY OF
LOVE AND HE'S LIKE,

01:09:51.333 --> 01:09:52.534
I CAN'T COMMIT
TO THAT.

01:09:52.634 --> 01:09:53.800
I PHILEO YOU,


01:09:53.900 --> 01:09:56.433
WHICH MEANS I LOVE YOU LIKE A
BROTHER OR BROTHERLY LOVE.

01:09:56.533 --> 01:09:58.034
AND THEN JESUS
ASKS HIM AGAIN,

01:09:58.134 --> 01:10:00.133
DO YOU AGAPE ME?


01:10:00.233 --> 01:10:01.233
PHILEO, BROTHERLY LOVE.


01:10:01.333 --> 01:10:02.467
AND THEN JESUS
ASKS A THIRD TIME,

01:10:02.567 --> 01:10:04.633
WELL, DO YOU EVEN
LOVE ME LIKE A BROTHER?

01:10:04.733 --> 01:10:07.733
AND HE WAS
OBVIOUSLY HURT BY THAT.

01:10:07.833 --> 01:10:09.934
AND THEN HE SAYS YES,


01:10:10.034 --> 01:10:10.867
YOU KNOW ALL THINGS.


01:10:10.967 --> 01:10:12.767
YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.


01:10:12.867 --> 01:10:15.133
AND THEN WHAT
JESUS SAYS NEXT,

01:10:15.233 --> 01:10:19.900
IT SAYS, WELL, GO FEED MY
SHEEP BECAUSE YOU THINK

01:10:20.000 --> 01:10:23.067
THAT YOU HAVE TO GO BACK
FISHING BECAUSE YOU'VE

01:10:23.167 --> 01:10:25.766
DISQUALIFIED YOURSELF, BUT
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU

01:10:25.866 --> 01:10:28.100
THAT YOU DON'T GET TO
DISQUALIFY YOURSELF FROM

01:10:28.200 --> 01:10:31.067
THE THING THAT I
CREATED YOU TO DO.

01:10:31.167 --> 01:10:35.167
SO IF YOU LOVE ME LIKE
JOHN 14:15, IF YOU LOVE ME,

01:10:35.267 --> 01:10:37.000
OBEY MY COMMANDMENTS.


01:10:37.100 --> 01:10:39.800
SO IF I PUT MY
HUMANITY INTO THAT,

01:10:39.900 --> 01:10:41.733
WELL, IF I DON'T
DO THE RIGHT THING,

01:10:41.833 --> 01:10:45.334
HE'S NOT GOING TO LOVE ME
OR, YOU KNOW, IF I

01:10:45.434 --> 01:10:46.400
DON'T DO THE RIGHT THING,


01:10:46.500 --> 01:10:47.700
HE'S GOING TO COME DOWN
ON ME AND CRUSH ME.

01:10:47.800 --> 01:10:52.966
NO, IF I LOVE GOD, THEN
I TRUST HIS CHARACTER

01:10:53.066 --> 01:10:54.766
BECAUSE IF I DON'T
UNDERSTAND HIS CHARACTER,

01:10:54.866 --> 01:10:57.633
I'LL MISUNDERSTAND
HIS TONALITY.

01:10:57.733 --> 01:10:59.433
SO WHAT HE'S SAYING IS,


01:10:59.533 --> 01:11:03.267
IF YOU LOVE ME,
TRUST THAT I HAVE A PLAN

01:11:03.367 --> 01:11:04.367
FOR YOUR LIFE.


01:11:04.467 --> 01:11:06.233
I CREATED YOU
WITH A CALLING.

01:11:06.333 --> 01:11:08.700
I GAVE YOU GIFTS
AND TALENTS.

01:11:08.800 --> 01:11:11.267
AND IF YOU FEEL PROMPTED
TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS

01:11:11.367 --> 01:11:16.567
IN ALIGNMENT WITH MY
WILL FOR YOUR LIFE,

01:11:16.667 --> 01:11:20.134
YOU CAN'T DISQUALIFY
YOURSELF FROM THAT.

01:11:20.234 --> 01:11:22.800
SO GO FEED MY SHEEP.


01:11:22.900 --> 01:11:23.767
>> THAT'S SO GOOD.


01:11:23.867 --> 01:11:26.033
AND THAT'S SUCH AN
IMPORTANT POINT

01:11:26.133 --> 01:11:27.400
THAT YOU MIGHT THINK
THAT YOU'VE

01:11:27.500 --> 01:11:28.833
DISQUALIFIED YOURSELF,


01:11:28.933 --> 01:11:32.134
BUT GOD IS
CALLING US BACK

01:11:32.234 --> 01:11:33.333
AND IT'S
NEVER TOO LATE,

01:11:33.433 --> 01:11:35.967
IF YOU'RE GOING THIS WAY,
TO REPENT AND TURN BACK TO HIM

01:11:36.067 --> 01:11:38.134
AND WALK IN THE CALLING
THAT HE HAS FOR YOU.

01:11:38.234 --> 01:11:39.533
>> YEAH, BECAUSE I MEAN
JUST THINKING ABOUT LIKE

01:11:39.633 --> 01:11:42.667
REPENTANCE, LIKE UNDERSTOOD,
ITS LOGISTICAL TERMINOLOGY

01:11:42.767 --> 01:11:44.534
THAT MEANS I'M GOING TO
TAKE A 180-DEGREE TURN

01:11:44.634 --> 01:11:46.067
AWAY FROM THE THING


01:11:46.167 --> 01:11:48.967
THAT'S DESTROYING ME THAT
IT GOES AGAINST GOD'S WILL.

01:11:49.067 --> 01:11:50.500
AND IT'S NOT PASSIVE,
IT'S ACTIVE.

01:11:50.600 --> 01:11:53.167
SO I'M NOT GOING TO
JUST STOP DOING THE THING.

01:11:53.267 --> 01:11:56.233
I'M GOING TO ACTIVELY MOVE
TOWARDS CHRIST.

01:11:56.333 --> 01:11:57.533
SO STOP DOING THE THING


01:11:57.633 --> 01:12:00.334
THAT'S DESTROYING YOU
AND MOVE IN A DIFFERENT

01:12:00.434 --> 01:12:02.400
DIRECTION AND MOVE
TOWARDS CHRIST.

01:12:02.500 --> 01:12:03.633
>> BUT FOR CLOSING OUT,


01:12:03.733 --> 01:12:05.534
CAN YOU JUST PRAY FOR THAT
PERSON WHO'S WATCHING THIS?

01:12:05.634 --> 01:12:08.667
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.


01:12:08.767 --> 01:12:09.733
HEAVENLY FATHER,


01:12:09.833 --> 01:12:12.900
I JUST THANK YOU THAT
YOU'RE A GOOD FATHER.

01:12:13.000 --> 01:12:14.266
AND, LORD, RIGHT NOW


01:12:14.366 --> 01:12:19.033
I JUST PRAY THAT WHATEVER
IT IS THAT YOU'VE CHOSEN

01:12:19.133 --> 01:12:20.800
TO BRING TO THE
FOREFRONT OF OUR MIND,

01:12:20.900 --> 01:12:24.767
WHETHER IT BE LUST,
ANGER, UNFORGIVENESS,

01:12:24.867 --> 01:12:26.700
GOD, WE TRUST
THAT NUMBER ONE,

01:12:26.800 --> 01:12:29.667
YOU ALREADY KNOW AND LOVE
US ANYWAY, BUT GOD, I JUST

01:12:29.767 --> 01:12:33.233
PRAY THAT IN THIS MOMENT
WE HAVE THE COURAGE

01:12:33.333 --> 01:12:36.734
AND THE CONFIDENCE TO
CALL OUT TO YOU

01:12:36.834 --> 01:12:39.334
AND TO FIND A FRIEND
AND CONFESS TO THEM,

01:12:39.434 --> 01:12:43.534
TO SAY OUT LOUD TO SOMEONE
THAT LOVES YOU

01:12:43.634 --> 01:12:48.267
AND THAT WE TRUST, THAT
THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY LIFE

01:12:48.367 --> 01:12:49.734
THAT I'M STRUGGLING WITH


01:12:49.834 --> 01:12:51.500
AND I'VE NEVER SAID
IT OUT LOUD BEFORE,

01:12:51.600 --> 01:12:52.833
MAYBE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME.


01:12:52.933 --> 01:12:53.900
BUT I'M GONNA HAVE
THE COURAGE

01:12:54.000 --> 01:12:56.033
TO DO THAT TODAY
BECAUSE YOUR WORD SAYS

01:12:56.133 --> 01:12:57.666
THAT IF I HAVE
A RIGHTEOUS MAN

01:12:57.766 --> 01:12:59.700
OR A RIGHTEOUS WOMAN
PRAY FOR ME,

01:12:59.800 --> 01:13:01.034
I MIGHT HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN,


01:13:01.134 --> 01:13:03.167
BUT I'M NOT HEALED,
BUT MAYBE TODAY'S THE DAY

01:13:03.267 --> 01:13:05.100
THAT I STOP WALKING
IN THE BROKENNESS

01:13:05.200 --> 01:13:07.500
THAT I'M STRUGGLING WITH.


01:13:07.600 --> 01:13:09.833
TODAY'S THE DAY WHERE
I FIND FREEDOM.

01:13:09.933 --> 01:13:12.400
GOD, I PRAY FOR THAT
PERSON RIGHT NOW,

01:13:12.500 --> 01:13:15.034
THAT THAT PERSON FEELS
IN A TANGIBLE WAY

01:13:15.134 --> 01:13:16.300
YOUR PRESENCE;


01:13:16.400 --> 01:13:18.533
THAT THEY ARE COMPELLED
BY YOUR LOVE;

01:13:18.633 --> 01:13:21.567
THAT YOU START A HEART
TRANSFORMATION

01:13:21.667 --> 01:13:24.466
FOR THIS PERSON, NOT
A LONGING TO DO BETTER,

01:13:24.566 --> 01:13:28.333
BUT A DESIRE TO BE
CLOSER TO YOU.

01:13:28.433 --> 01:13:30.733
WE PRAY THESE THINGS
IN JESUS' NAME.

01:13:30.833 --> 01:13:31.434
AMEN.


01:13:31.534 --> 01:13:31.866
>> AMEN.