WEBVTT 00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:10.899 Rebecca: All right, we're back. 00:00:10.933 --> 00:00:12.632 The podcast. I'm here with Brittni. 00:00:12.666 --> 00:00:14.400 Brittni: Hello. 00:00:14.433 --> 00:00:16.166 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. I can't believe you're here. 00:00:16.199 --> 00:00:17.999 Brittni: I know, I'm so excited everybody. 00:00:18.033 --> 00:00:20.366 I told you earlier I've been wanting to meet you in person 00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:22.633 for years, so this is awesome. 00:00:22.666 --> 00:00:24.000 It's a God moment. 00:00:24.033 --> 00:00:25.333 Rebecca: It is a God moment. 00:00:25.366 --> 00:00:26.699 And man, what a story. 00:00:26.732 --> 00:00:28.599 You know, I was familiar with your story, but even just 00:00:28.633 --> 00:00:31.299 hearing it again today, I was like, oh my gosh, I have so 00:00:31.333 --> 00:00:32.633 many questions. 00:00:32.666 --> 00:00:35.566 So you're wanting to stay tuned if you're watching this because 00:00:35.599 --> 00:00:38.599 Brittni has a powerful testimony. 00:00:38.632 --> 00:00:43.866 So let's talk about home life growing up and everything. 00:00:43.899 --> 00:00:45.966 Brittni: Yeah, growing up, we didn't grow up in a 00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:47.333 Christian household. 00:00:47.366 --> 00:00:51.066 There was a lot of verbal, emotional, physical abuse and I 00:00:51.099 --> 00:00:55.566 just really grew up very insecure and hating myself and 00:00:55.599 --> 00:00:58.466 thinking that life would be better off without me. 00:00:58.500 --> 00:01:01.133 Like, from a very young age I had those kinds of thoughts and 00:01:01.166 --> 00:01:03.299 so I just started, yeah. 00:01:03.332 --> 00:01:05.333 I remember like going to bed with a roll of toilet paper, 00:01:05.366 --> 00:01:07.133 just like crying myself to sleep at night. 00:01:07.166 --> 00:01:11.599 I just, I was so broken from such a young age and I just 00:01:11.633 --> 00:01:14.966 started looking for love in all the wrong places, yeah. 00:01:14.999 --> 00:01:18.399 Rebecca: Which so many of us do because we just want that love. 00:01:18.433 --> 00:01:20.932 We just want to be accepted, especially when you don't feel 00:01:20.966 --> 00:01:23.199 like you're good enough or something like that. 00:01:23.232 --> 00:01:26.233 So you just grew up looking for love and where did that path 00:01:26.266 --> 00:01:27.566 lead you? 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:30.233 Brittni: Well, okay, so the first--I noticed this guy in 00:01:30.266 --> 00:01:32.066 high school and I'm like, I'm gonna, 00:01:32.099 --> 00:01:33.632 I just like chased him down. 00:01:33.666 --> 00:01:35.933 I'm like I'm gonna get him to notice me because he doesn't 00:01:35.966 --> 00:01:37.733 notice me and I thought he was cute. 00:01:37.766 --> 00:01:41.366 So finally after like weeks of walking down the hallway where 00:01:41.399 --> 00:01:44.933 he sat at lunch, he finally says hi and I'm like, hey. 00:01:44.966 --> 00:01:49.666 So anyways, long story short, we start dating and at that time, 00:01:49.699 --> 00:01:55.166 Jessica Simpson was like in the media and had a reality show and 00:01:55.199 --> 00:01:57.366 she said that she was a virgin on her wedding night and I 00:01:57.399 --> 00:01:58.732 looked up to her. 00:01:58.766 --> 00:02:01.266 So I was like, I want to be a virgin on my wedding night, not 00:02:01.299 --> 00:02:05.166 knowing God or anything, just, you know, looking up to 00:02:05.199 --> 00:02:06.499 a celebrity. 00:02:06.533 --> 00:02:09.966 And so when this guy that I'm dating now starts pressuring me 00:02:09.999 --> 00:02:12.499 to have sex, I'm like, but I'm supposed to be a virgin on my 00:02:12.533 --> 00:02:16.899 wedding night, but he just kept pressuring me and I was afraid 00:02:16.932 --> 00:02:19.299 that if I didn't have sex that I would lose him and I didn't 00:02:19.333 --> 00:02:20.633 wanna be alone. 00:02:20.666 --> 00:02:25.899 And so, I lost my virginity to him and then his brother told me 00:02:25.932 --> 00:02:28.832 that he cheated on me with three different women after that. 00:02:28.866 --> 00:02:31.833 And I was crushed like I completely cut him out of my 00:02:31.866 --> 00:02:34.566 life, didn't want to ever talk to him again, but I was really 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:38.100 hurt by that and I felt not only am I being rejected at home, but 00:02:38.133 --> 00:02:42.066 now I'm being rejected by this guy that I gave everything to, 00:02:42.099 --> 00:02:44.532 you know, and that's so painful. 00:02:44.566 --> 00:02:47.433 And so my friends were like, well, let's go party, let's go 00:02:47.466 --> 00:02:48.999 to Mexico and so. 00:02:49.032 --> 00:02:51.833 Rebecca: So here's a classic cycle because I don't think--one 00:02:51.866 --> 00:02:56.299 thing that we need to talk about is how having sex is such a big 00:02:56.332 --> 00:02:59.066 deal and our society makes it seem like it's this 00:02:59.099 --> 00:03:00.400 nonchalant thing. 00:03:00.433 --> 00:03:02.666 I mean, we whittle it down to something that we just try to 00:03:02.699 --> 00:03:06.166 say it's purely physical, but when you have sex with someone 00:03:06.199 --> 00:03:10.432 and then if there's that break, you feel empty. 00:03:10.466 --> 00:03:12.000 It's such a gut-wrenching feeling. 00:03:12.033 --> 00:03:15.166 You really truly were only made to sleep with your spouse. 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:16.533 Brittni: Exactly. 00:03:16.566 --> 00:03:17.866 Rebecca: And so you were broken and you were hurting. 00:03:17.899 --> 00:03:20.566 And so here's this classic cycle where people who are hurting 00:03:20.599 --> 00:03:21.900 are broken. 00:03:21.933 --> 00:03:23.333 What's this, you know, they're looking for a solution. 00:03:23.366 --> 00:03:26.166 Well, I'll party my cares away. 00:03:26.199 --> 00:03:28.133 Brittni: Right, let's just go drink it away in Mexico. 00:03:28.166 --> 00:03:29.966 Rebecca: So you went to Mexico when you were 16? 00:03:29.999 --> 00:03:32.066 Brittni: Yeah, that was the first time I went, but my 00:03:32.100 --> 00:03:34.666 friends had been going for many, many months. 00:03:34.699 --> 00:03:39.199 Like, we--it's very common in San Diego where I grew up 00:03:39.233 --> 00:03:42.366 because you're so close to the border and in Mexico, you know, 00:03:42.399 --> 00:03:45.166 I mean I was 16, gosh, 22 years ago. 00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:46.500 I'm giving out my age here. 00:03:46.533 --> 00:03:47.866 So it was a while ago. 00:03:47.899 --> 00:03:49.899 I don't know if it's still the same way, but at that time you 00:03:49.933 --> 00:03:52.699 could get into any club with a valid high school ID. 00:03:52.733 --> 00:03:54.500 So we'd show them our, yeah, right? 00:03:54.533 --> 00:03:56.033 Rebecca: That's crazy. 00:03:56.066 --> 00:03:58.399 Oh 'cause the drinking age is different there too. 00:03:58.432 --> 00:04:01.299 Brittni: It's 18, but still you should have an ID that says 00:04:01.332 --> 00:04:06.133 you're 18, not a junior or sophomore in high school. 00:04:06.166 --> 00:04:07.499 Rebecca: Seriously, that's wild. 00:04:07.533 --> 00:04:11.000 Brittni: So I get drunk there and I'm hungry, so I go outside 00:04:11.033 --> 00:04:16.432 to get a bacon wrapped hotdog and I see another club across 00:04:16.466 --> 00:04:18.999 the way and I recognize the name because there were guys in my 00:04:19.032 --> 00:04:20.966 high school class that would talk about how beautiful the 00:04:20.999 --> 00:04:22.333 women were there. 00:04:22.366 --> 00:04:25.932 And because I was so insecure and I felt so ugly and I would 00:04:25.966 --> 00:04:27.666 ask them like, what do these women have? 00:04:27.699 --> 00:04:28.999 What do you like about them? 00:04:29.032 --> 00:04:31.799 Oh, don't worry about it, it's boy stuff, they would say. 00:04:31.833 --> 00:04:34.666 And so I'm like, I'm gonna go find out why these guys like 00:04:34.699 --> 00:04:36.033 these girls. 00:04:36.066 --> 00:04:38.133 No idea what kind of club I'm about to walk into. 00:04:38.166 --> 00:04:40.233 I show them my high school ID. 00:04:40.266 --> 00:04:42.433 They said the bouncer said, "You can't come in." 00:04:42.466 --> 00:04:45.166 And I said, "Well, come on, I'm not gonna drink," 'cause I 00:04:45.200 --> 00:04:47.266 thought he didn't wanna let me in because he thought I was 00:04:47.299 --> 00:04:50.633 gonna get drunk or further drink further. 00:04:50.666 --> 00:04:53.166 And so he, I said, "I just wanna dance." 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:55.099 And he said, "Oh, you wanna dance?" 00:04:55.132 --> 00:04:56.432 Okay. 00:04:56.466 --> 00:05:01.233 And he grabbed me by the hand and he takes me into what I find 00:05:01.266 --> 00:05:04.699 to be, it is a strip club, and he puts me behind like two other 00:05:04.733 --> 00:05:07.733 women that are walking up or standing behind the stairs to 00:05:07.766 --> 00:05:11.166 get on the stage, and he said, you're up after her. 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:14.499 And I'm like, oh, so I started kind of looking around. 00:05:14.533 --> 00:05:16.533 I've never been in a strip club before and I'm like, what are 00:05:16.566 --> 00:05:19.099 these girls doing, you know, just trying to figure out how I 00:05:19.133 --> 00:05:22.299 can do what they're doing and, you know, obviously I should 00:05:22.332 --> 00:05:25.366 have ran out, but I had a broken heart and liquid courage that I 00:05:25.399 --> 00:05:27.799 just said, you know, I'm here and I'm gonna just do it. 00:05:27.833 --> 00:05:29.999 And so I followed the other girls. 00:05:30.032 --> 00:05:35.699 I looked very young as blonde--had braces and like just 00:05:35.733 --> 00:05:38.666 looked very young for my age even. 00:05:38.700 --> 00:05:42.399 And I took my top off that day and I danced like the other 00:05:42.432 --> 00:05:47.699 girls and people were paying me and they were cheering me on and 00:05:47.733 --> 00:05:50.699 telling me that I was beautiful and that they loved me. 00:05:50.733 --> 00:05:54.299 And those were words that I wasn't hearing at home. 00:05:54.333 --> 00:05:58.633 And so I found like a place of validation that night. 00:05:58.666 --> 00:06:01.533 It was such deception, but if you're gonna take your clothes 00:06:01.566 --> 00:06:04.299 off for money, like you're gonna get paid, but you're also gonna 00:06:04.332 --> 00:06:06.332 be affirmed and validated here. 00:06:06.366 --> 00:06:09.799 And so that seed was sown in me as a 16-year-old little girl. 00:06:09.833 --> 00:06:13.632 So when I went to college, I started dancing again while I 00:06:13.666 --> 00:06:15.066 was in college. 00:06:15.099 --> 00:06:17.966 Rebecca: What was the draw for you to go back to it in college? 00:06:17.999 --> 00:06:19.300 What was the thinking? 00:06:19.333 --> 00:06:21.866 Brittni: Yeah, it was some random night because I actually 00:06:21.899 --> 00:06:23.433 had a really great job. 00:06:23.466 --> 00:06:27.232 My uncle had an incredible company in Santa Barbara where I 00:06:27.266 --> 00:06:31.499 started going to college and I mean, I was--their sales people 00:06:31.533 --> 00:06:34.033 were making really good money, so many bonuses. 00:06:34.066 --> 00:06:35.366 I was doing great. 00:06:35.400 --> 00:06:40.233 And I think I just kind of felt lonely and I missed the 00:06:40.266 --> 00:06:44.200 attention and so just one crazy night I thought I'm gonna go 00:06:44.233 --> 00:06:46.232 back to the strip club and I hadn't even quit my other 00:06:46.266 --> 00:06:47.599 job yet. 00:06:47.632 --> 00:06:49.666 So at this point I'm stripping, working this other job and going 00:06:49.699 --> 00:06:51.033 to college. 00:06:51.066 --> 00:06:53.199 And then it started to get pretty overwhelming to where I'm 00:06:53.233 --> 00:06:56.266 like, okay, I'm gonna quit my other job. 00:06:56.299 --> 00:06:59.833 And so I did that and I started dancing and, you know, then the 00:06:59.866 --> 00:07:03.666 producers came in and said that, you know, I was gonna be a star 00:07:03.700 --> 00:07:05.366 and they promised me fame. 00:07:05.400 --> 00:07:09.433 And at that time of my life, I was so broken that I thought 00:07:09.466 --> 00:07:13.566 that if enough people knew me and if enough people loved me, 00:07:13.599 --> 00:07:16.733 then maybe somehow I wouldn't hate myself or somehow I could 00:07:16.766 --> 00:07:18.099 love myself. 00:07:18.132 --> 00:07:20.733 And so when they promised me fame, it was like they were 00:07:20.766 --> 00:07:23.500 promising me everything that my little heart was desiring at 00:07:23.533 --> 00:07:24.866 that point in my life. 00:07:24.900 --> 00:07:27.466 Rebecca: I feel like so much of your story is how you had this 00:07:27.499 --> 00:07:29.900 brokenness and you just wanted to be loved. 00:07:29.933 --> 00:07:32.766 That like little girl that didn't get the love that she 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:34.199 needed just was looking for that. 00:07:34.233 --> 00:07:37.832 And I think so many people want fame because they're insecure 00:07:37.866 --> 00:07:39.800 and they think that that will fill that void. 00:07:39.833 --> 00:07:41.166 Brittni: Yeah, that's exactly right. 00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:42.566 Rebecca: What you learned through 'cause you would go on 00:07:42.599 --> 00:07:45.333 and we'll get into that to get fame and it didn't fill 00:07:45.366 --> 00:07:46.700 that void. 00:07:46.733 --> 00:07:51.699 So these people kind of give you this grand, you know, what 00:07:51.732 --> 00:07:53.066 is it? 00:07:53.099 --> 00:07:55.700 This grand offer for you to be famous and all this kind 00:07:55.733 --> 00:07:57.033 of stuff. 00:07:57.066 --> 00:07:59.299 So what happens from there? 00:07:59.332 --> 00:08:02.566 Brittni: They--I met them in Los Angeles the next day and 00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:04.299 they put me in hair and makeup and took some photos. 00:08:04.332 --> 00:08:07.399 Rebecca: How old were you? Brittni: Eighteen. 00:08:07.433 --> 00:08:08.766 Rebecca: You were only 18. 00:08:08.799 --> 00:08:10.099 Brittni: I was only 18. 00:08:10.132 --> 00:08:13.766 Oh and the adult industry played on that, which is, you know, 00:08:13.799 --> 00:08:18.666 some of my probably biggest regrets in that industry are 00:08:18.699 --> 00:08:22.100 that when I was 18-years-old, they would put me in pigtails 00:08:22.133 --> 00:08:25.333 and schoolgirl outfits and costume jewelry. 00:08:25.366 --> 00:08:28.699 And you'd have to say things like I'm barely legal and they'd 00:08:28.733 --> 00:08:32.533 pair you with old men, which I wasn't a woman of conviction at 00:08:32.566 --> 00:08:36.266 that time in my life, but that, that did not sit well with me to 00:08:36.300 --> 00:08:39.766 where I had to tell my agent like I won't do these kinds of 00:08:39.800 --> 00:08:42.566 scenes anymore and I told my agent, "Do you realize this is 00:08:42.599 --> 00:08:44.399 encouraging pedophilia? 00:08:44.432 --> 00:08:45.766 What's next? 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:47.800 These men are watching these types of scenes. 00:08:47.833 --> 00:08:49.432 It's gonna create a hunger." 00:08:49.466 --> 00:08:51.433 I mean, I didn't say it so eloquently, but it's gonna 00:08:51.466 --> 00:08:53.932 create an appetite and then to wanna go and molest 00:08:53.966 --> 00:08:55.266 little children. 00:08:55.299 --> 00:08:56.600 And I said, "I can't do this." 00:08:56.633 --> 00:08:59.366 And so that's part of the reason why, you know, I have some 00:08:59.399 --> 00:09:03.899 tattoo removal, but I got these tattoos in various places of my 00:09:03.933 --> 00:09:06.333 body because I was trying to look older. 00:09:06.366 --> 00:09:09.200 I didn't want to get booked for young girl scenes anymore. 00:09:09.233 --> 00:09:10.566 Rebecca: That's crazy. 00:09:10.599 --> 00:09:13.199 So it was like almost like a way of defending, 00:09:13.233 --> 00:09:14.633 protecting yourself. 00:09:14.666 --> 00:09:16.366 So they couldn't book you like that anymore. 00:09:16.400 --> 00:09:18.566 Brittni: Yeah, because they would say, okay, well, what if 00:09:18.599 --> 00:09:21.766 we just don't put the pigtails in your hair? 00:09:21.799 --> 00:09:24.699 But you still have me in like barely any makeup, schoolgirl 00:09:24.732 --> 00:09:28.966 looking outfits, young girl, and I mean and you know what really 00:09:29.000 --> 00:09:34.200 irritates me or angers me, I should say is that the jewelry 00:09:34.233 --> 00:09:37.800 that they put on these 18-year-old girls is like 00:09:37.833 --> 00:09:40.099 jewelry that my five year old would look at at Claire's and 00:09:40.132 --> 00:09:43.500 go, "Oh my gosh, that's so cute, Mom, can I get that?" 00:09:43.533 --> 00:09:47.033 It's an 18-year-old wouldn't wear that kind of jewelry. 00:09:47.066 --> 00:09:48.399 Rebecca: So you knew. 00:09:48.433 --> 00:09:51.633 Brittni: Yeah, that something just did not sit right with me. 00:09:51.666 --> 00:09:54.799 I mean, and I did a lot of stuff that looking back is very 00:09:54.833 --> 00:09:56.166 shameful in that industry. 00:09:56.200 --> 00:09:59.432 I did a lot, but that was the one thing that I was like, I 00:09:59.466 --> 00:10:00.766 can't do this. 00:10:00.799 --> 00:10:02.466 Rebecca: Yeah, even though you weren't saved or anything, you 00:10:02.500 --> 00:10:03.799 just had that conviction. 00:10:03.832 --> 00:10:06.866 Brittni: Yeah, I think because of like my upbringing and 00:10:06.899 --> 00:10:11.132 feeling like the abuse that I felt, I've always been so 00:10:11.166 --> 00:10:14.666 protective of children, like so beyond protective. 00:10:14.699 --> 00:10:16.666 Rebecca: Yeah, that's so important. 00:10:16.700 --> 00:10:19.800 So when you were in this industry, did you have an agent? 00:10:19.833 --> 00:10:21.499 Did you get all the money yourself? 00:10:21.532 --> 00:10:23.466 I mean, what did that look like? 00:10:23.500 --> 00:10:25.466 Like were you like, wow, I'm getting all this money. 00:10:25.499 --> 00:10:26.833 I wanna keep doing it. 00:10:26.866 --> 00:10:29.799 Or wow, I'm getting so much fame, but like what was the 00:10:29.833 --> 00:10:31.266 dynamic like? 00:10:31.300 --> 00:10:35.300 Brittni: Both and I mean very quickly on like I had only been 00:10:35.333 --> 00:10:38.166 in the industry for a matter of months when I got nominated for 00:10:38.199 --> 00:10:39.533 Best New Starlet. 00:10:39.566 --> 00:10:42.766 And so like I was, yeah, I was already gaining a lot of 00:10:42.799 --> 00:10:47.500 notoriety within that industry and very quickly growing a 00:10:47.533 --> 00:10:48.899 fan base. 00:10:48.933 --> 00:10:52.333 And so yeah, that felt good because every day I had people 00:10:52.366 --> 00:10:55.200 telling me that I was beautiful and every day I had people 00:10:55.233 --> 00:10:56.566 saying, "Will you marry me?" 00:10:56.600 --> 00:10:58.366 And things like that which obviously that would never 00:10:58.400 --> 00:11:02.899 happen, but it felt good that wow, people actually, people 00:11:02.932 --> 00:11:04.266 actually like me. 00:11:04.300 --> 00:11:08.432 Like I'm not, I'm not as unworthy as I thought I was. 00:11:08.466 --> 00:11:11.632 Like there are people that love me, you know, and that's how I 00:11:11.666 --> 00:11:13.533 felt, but then the money as well. 00:11:13.566 --> 00:11:17.733 I remember when I first got into the business, I had some issues 00:11:17.766 --> 00:11:19.899 with my bank account 'cause I had to move from Santa Barbara 00:11:19.933 --> 00:11:24.633 to Los Angeles and they told me I could like take all my money 00:11:24.666 --> 00:11:25.966 out and they would close the account. 00:11:25.999 --> 00:11:27.999 Well, no, you have to go sign a paper and I never did that. 00:11:28.032 --> 00:11:31.866 So basically they froze my new account in LA. 00:11:31.899 --> 00:11:34.733 So I remember one time just having a stack of like over 00:11:34.766 --> 00:11:39.933 $100,000 cash in my--I was so unwise--in my apartment. 00:11:39.966 --> 00:11:42.433 Yeah, I was so unwise, I mean. 00:11:42.466 --> 00:11:43.766 Rebecca: Well, you were so young. 00:11:43.799 --> 00:11:45.266 Brittni: I was so young, but like, yeah, my friend was 00:11:45.300 --> 00:11:47.866 telling my husband that story a couple years ago. 00:11:47.900 --> 00:11:50.300 She's like, do you remember when you had all that money? 00:11:50.333 --> 00:11:53.633 You know, so it was both and, but the money didn't last long 00:11:53.666 --> 00:11:56.532 because I became such a drug addict that that money just 00:11:56.566 --> 00:11:57.899 started going. 00:11:57.932 --> 00:12:01.366 So like for a very short period of time I had a lot of money and 00:12:01.399 --> 00:12:05.266 I had a lot of money saved, but it just the moment I developed a 00:12:05.299 --> 00:12:08.600 drug addiction, that money just started going very quickly. 00:12:08.633 --> 00:12:11.533 Rebecca: How did that addiction develop? 00:12:11.566 --> 00:12:16.433 Brittni: Well, I was on set one day with a director who I've 00:12:16.466 --> 00:12:19.433 since found out that he's just mean to every woman. 00:12:19.466 --> 00:12:21.266 He's just a very hateful person. 00:12:21.299 --> 00:12:24.432 He told me, "You, if you wanna make it in this industry, you 00:12:24.466 --> 00:12:25.766 need to lose some weight. 00:12:25.800 --> 00:12:27.100 You are so fat. 00:12:27.133 --> 00:12:28.466 You're gross," you know. 00:12:28.500 --> 00:12:29.799 And I'm like, oh, my gosh. 00:12:29.833 --> 00:12:31.166 Rebecca: Which you're not. 00:12:31.199 --> 00:12:33.832 Brittni: I felt so insecure after he said that and I'm like, 00:12:33.866 --> 00:12:37.666 I need to lose weight and what he didn't know was that in high 00:12:37.699 --> 00:12:39.566 school I had anorexia. 00:12:39.599 --> 00:12:42.233 So I had just been treated my senior year. 00:12:42.266 --> 00:12:45.299 I was doing outpatient treatment for anorexia five days a week. 00:12:45.332 --> 00:12:47.566 It was like an intensive outpatient. 00:12:47.599 --> 00:12:49.300 So when he said that it triggered. 00:12:49.333 --> 00:12:51.366 Like, yeah, you are fat, you need to lose weight. 00:12:51.399 --> 00:12:52.733 He's right. 00:12:52.766 --> 00:12:56.699 So then I started using cocaine and then from there it just 00:12:56.733 --> 00:13:00.199 transpired to different drugs like heavier and, you know, 00:13:00.233 --> 00:13:04.066 pills and heroin and crystal meth. 00:13:04.100 --> 00:13:05.433 Rebecca: Heroin? 00:13:05.466 --> 00:13:08.133 Brittni: Heroin. I didn't shoot it up. 00:13:08.166 --> 00:13:09.466 I smoked it, but yeah, heroin. 00:13:09.500 --> 00:13:10.833 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. 00:13:10.866 --> 00:13:13.066 Was it easy to get these drugs in that industry? 00:13:13.099 --> 00:13:17.933 Would you say a lot of performers are using those? 00:13:17.966 --> 00:13:21.433 Brittni: Nowadays, they're using different stuff. 00:13:21.466 --> 00:13:25.666 A lot of them are overdosing from fentanyl. 00:13:25.700 --> 00:13:29.199 So a lot of them are using like coke and things that are laced 00:13:29.233 --> 00:13:34.199 with fentanyl, but yeah, while I was in that industry, most of 00:13:34.232 --> 00:13:38.066 the performers we're using like coke, meth, and pills. 00:13:38.099 --> 00:13:41.366 I didn't know too many that were using heroin because most people 00:13:41.400 --> 00:13:43.932 that use heroin, they shoot it up and so you'd see track marks 00:13:43.966 --> 00:13:45.266 on their arms. 00:13:45.299 --> 00:13:48.566 I just happened to have a friend that lived in LA her whole life 00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:50.833 and was like, hey, have you ever chased the dragon? 00:13:50.866 --> 00:13:52.499 And I'm like, what is that? 00:13:52.532 --> 00:13:54.966 What does chase the dragon mean? 00:13:54.999 --> 00:13:58.166 Well, it's like you have foil and, you know, when you light 00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:02.000 it, the smoke comes out and you, you know, you inhale it. 00:14:02.033 --> 00:14:03.499 So she's like, just try it. 00:14:03.532 --> 00:14:04.866 It's really good. 00:14:04.899 --> 00:14:06.866 And I tried it and I got hooked very quickly. 00:14:06.899 --> 00:14:08.233 Rebecca: What happened? 00:14:08.266 --> 00:14:09.633 Did you finish college when you started? 00:14:09.666 --> 00:14:11.333 I didn't think so. 00:14:11.366 --> 00:14:14.432 Did your family know what you were doing? 00:14:14.466 --> 00:14:18.632 Brittni: Well, when I quit my job from my uncle's company, you 00:14:18.666 --> 00:14:21.432 know, he found out from someone that worked there that I 00:14:21.466 --> 00:14:22.766 was stripping. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:24.133 So, he knew. 00:14:24.166 --> 00:14:27.733 And then when I got into the adult industry, I tried to keep 00:14:27.766 --> 00:14:30.533 it a secret for a while, but then I got on the cover of like 00:14:30.566 --> 00:14:34.833 a really big magazine and so I just felt like, oh oh, like this 00:14:34.866 --> 00:14:36.566 is probably gonna be in a lot of liquor stores. 00:14:36.599 --> 00:14:38.566 My dad had owned a liquor store. 00:14:38.599 --> 00:14:41.232 I'm like, it's just a matter of time before they find out. 00:14:41.266 --> 00:14:43.033 So I told them. 00:14:43.066 --> 00:14:45.466 Rebecca: Did you--were you ever giving your money to someone 00:14:45.500 --> 00:14:49.100 else or was you just funneling into your drug habit? 00:14:49.133 --> 00:14:51.499 Brittni: The first three and a half years I kept my money and 00:14:51.533 --> 00:14:55.132 it was, you know, feeding my drug habit, but I had quit the 00:14:55.166 --> 00:14:57.866 industry when I couldn't get a hold of heroin and went and 00:14:57.899 --> 00:15:01.933 lived with my grandmother's house and I got on Suboxone and 00:15:01.966 --> 00:15:04.466 tried to withdraw from heroin there, which I did. 00:15:04.499 --> 00:15:10.366 And then I got involved with a guy and he was in a motorcycle 00:15:10.400 --> 00:15:15.466 gang and he was stabbed to death in front of me and his friend 00:15:15.499 --> 00:15:20.899 was a pimp and so like after that guy, yeah, it's a lot 00:15:20.933 --> 00:15:22.266 of unraveling. 00:15:22.299 --> 00:15:23.600 I don't know how deep you wanna go into everything. 00:15:23.633 --> 00:15:24.932 Rebecca: No, go for it. 00:15:24.966 --> 00:15:26.299 We talk about it all here. 00:15:26.332 --> 00:15:29.733 Brittni: Okay, so yeah, he, yeah, he was stabbed and the 00:15:29.766 --> 00:15:34.099 pimp was his friend and when he died in the hospital, I was kind 00:15:34.132 --> 00:15:37.033 of standing outside the hospital like, okay, what am I gonna do? 00:15:37.066 --> 00:15:40.400 Like I literally--and it felt like a savior just came. 00:15:40.433 --> 00:15:41.932 Hey, what are you doing? 00:15:41.966 --> 00:15:43.399 Like, how did he even know I was there? 00:15:43.433 --> 00:15:44.766 I don't know. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:46.099 He pulls up on his motorcycle. 00:15:46.132 --> 00:15:47.466 He's like, do you need a ride? 00:15:47.499 --> 00:15:48.800 And I'm like, yes, yeah. 00:15:48.833 --> 00:15:50.132 Rebecca: 'Cause that's what they do. 00:15:50.166 --> 00:15:52.466 Brittni: Yeah, so I was like, yes, please, you know. 00:15:52.499 --> 00:15:55.600 And so I couldn't go back to the apartment that I was living in 00:15:55.633 --> 00:15:57.832 with the guy that got stabbed because my name wasn't on the 00:15:57.866 --> 00:15:59.166 lease, so they just kicked me out. 00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:01.866 They're like, you can't come here because of the situation. 00:16:01.899 --> 00:16:06.200 So, I had nowhere to go and the pimp was like, do you want me to 00:16:06.233 --> 00:16:07.866 put you in a hotel room? 00:16:07.900 --> 00:16:10.233 And I'm like, yeah, that would be great. 00:16:10.266 --> 00:16:12.866 You know, I could have probably called my grandma, but I was so 00:16:12.899 --> 00:16:16.333 ashamed because she told me that guy was no good and she had 00:16:16.366 --> 00:16:19.233 helped me out of the industry the first time and I'm like, I 00:16:19.266 --> 00:16:21.899 don't wanna be a burden, so I was just trying to figure life 00:16:21.933 --> 00:16:23.499 out on my own again. 00:16:23.533 --> 00:16:26.933 And so he put me in a hotel room for a while. 00:16:26.966 --> 00:16:29.733 He was also giving me crystal meth and that's when I started 00:16:29.766 --> 00:16:33.066 using, I started hearing voices very early on. 00:16:33.100 --> 00:16:37.566 So I was literally going insane like I'm like thinking people 00:16:37.599 --> 00:16:40.666 are talking about me and I'm like looking around like why are 00:16:40.700 --> 00:16:43.399 they, you know, like thinking people are just talking, you 00:16:43.432 --> 00:16:46.833 know, garbage about me and, you know, thinking that then I start 00:16:46.866 --> 00:16:50.432 thinking that the pimp was the one that killed, you know, I was 00:16:50.466 --> 00:16:54.600 just all these demonic, these voices just making me go insane 00:16:54.633 --> 00:16:55.966 and then-- 00:16:55.999 --> 00:16:57.300 Rebecca: You're being tormented. 00:16:57.333 --> 00:16:58.899 Brittni: Yeah, exactly, to the point where I tried to end my 00:16:58.933 --> 00:17:01.566 life and I had a convert. 00:17:01.599 --> 00:17:04.700 I didn't know it was God at the time, but I swallowed some 00:17:04.733 --> 00:17:07.999 crystal meth and I went into the bathroom at about 2 o'clock in 00:17:08.033 --> 00:17:10.499 the morning and I turned all the lights off and I started 00:17:10.533 --> 00:17:15.533 slitting my wrist and I heard a voice say, "Brittni, turn the 00:17:15.566 --> 00:17:18.533 lights on and put the scissors down." 00:17:18.566 --> 00:17:21.900 And then he said it again, "Brittni, turn the lights on 00:17:21.933 --> 00:17:24.700 and put the scissors down." 00:17:24.733 --> 00:17:28.966 And I was just like this voice of like peace and authority like 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:31.966 commanded the room in such a gentle tone. 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.199 I had no idea who or what it was, but I'm like, okay. 00:17:35.232 --> 00:17:37.333 So I did it and I turned the lights on. 00:17:37.366 --> 00:17:38.666 I had blood all over me. 00:17:38.699 --> 00:17:40.599 I still have scars on my arm from it. 00:17:40.632 --> 00:17:44.799 I just wrapped myself up really tightly with I think it was like 00:17:44.833 --> 00:17:46.499 paper towels or something. 00:17:46.532 --> 00:17:51.233 And it was like this weight just got lifted off of me. 00:17:51.266 --> 00:17:53.966 And now looking back I know clearly that was the voice 00:17:53.999 --> 00:17:55.299 of God. 00:17:55.333 --> 00:17:56.633 It's the timing. 00:17:56.666 --> 00:17:59.033 I mean, I had just received him as my Lord and Savior a few 00:17:59.066 --> 00:18:01.766 months prior while I was living at my grandma's house. 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:03.666 So it's like the timing. 00:18:03.699 --> 00:18:07.232 Rebecca: Oh my gosh, okay, okay, so let's backtrack then. 00:18:07.266 --> 00:18:10.300 How did you see you were in the industry for three years, you 00:18:10.333 --> 00:18:14.233 leave, go to your grandma, get clean, so you get saved. 00:18:14.266 --> 00:18:16.499 This is before the incident where God basically 00:18:16.532 --> 00:18:18.099 supernaturally saved your life. 00:18:18.133 --> 00:18:19.899 How did you get saved at your grandma's? 00:18:19.932 --> 00:18:22.466 Brittni: Okay, so my grandma and my grandpa were no 00:18:22.500 --> 00:18:23.833 longer married. 00:18:23.866 --> 00:18:26.066 He's remarried and he had told me that he'd been going to 00:18:26.099 --> 00:18:27.999 church and I said, "Can I go with you?" 00:18:28.032 --> 00:18:31.466 So he came with his wife and they picked me up and they took 00:18:31.499 --> 00:18:33.232 me to the church that they were going to. 00:18:33.266 --> 00:18:35.066 It's the Rock Church in San Diego. 00:18:35.099 --> 00:18:37.133 Rebecca: Oh yeah, I know that church. 00:18:37.166 --> 00:18:38.499 Brittni: Pastor Miles, you know him? 00:18:38.533 --> 00:18:39.833 He's amazing. 00:18:39.866 --> 00:18:42.533 And so I remember him saying something along the lines at the 00:18:42.566 --> 00:18:45.666 end of the message of like, you know, Jesus really wants to heal 00:18:45.699 --> 00:18:49.232 you today, and like you're hurting and he sees you and if 00:18:49.266 --> 00:18:52.299 you want to make Jesus the Lord of your life, come down to the 00:18:52.333 --> 00:18:56.166 altar and I'm just like tears streaming down my face and I go 00:18:56.200 --> 00:18:57.966 up to that altar as fast as I can. 00:18:57.999 --> 00:19:02.232 I shake Pastor Miles's hand and I pray the prayer of salvation. 00:19:02.266 --> 00:19:05.100 And they gave me a Bible that day. 00:19:05.133 --> 00:19:09.933 We went and met and got prayed over, you know, at the aftercare 00:19:09.966 --> 00:19:12.899 and they gave me a Bible that that Bible really made a 00:19:12.933 --> 00:19:15.333 difference in changing my life because you know the rest of my 00:19:15.366 --> 00:19:17.700 story when I was on the airplane reading a Bible. 00:19:17.733 --> 00:19:19.032 Rebecca: Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna get into that. 00:19:19.066 --> 00:19:20.500 Brittni: We're gonna get there, but that was where that Bible 00:19:20.533 --> 00:19:21.833 came from. 00:19:21.866 --> 00:19:23.199 Rebecca: So remember this Bible, yeah. 00:19:23.232 --> 00:19:26.032 Okay, so you get saved, but then you kind of fall back into with 00:19:26.066 --> 00:19:29.866 the wrong crowd, that guy, we know that he ends up getting 00:19:29.899 --> 00:19:32.166 stabbed to death by his biker crew. 00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:33.632 Brittni: It was an opposite biker crew. 00:19:33.666 --> 00:19:35.066 Rebecca: Oh my gosh, okay. 00:19:35.100 --> 00:19:37.066 You basically get preyed on by this pimp. 00:19:37.099 --> 00:19:38.999 You get in such a bad place 'cause you're back on these 00:19:39.033 --> 00:19:40.866 drugs being tormented demonically. 00:19:40.899 --> 00:19:42.199 You wanna end your life. 00:19:42.233 --> 00:19:43.566 God intervenes. 00:19:43.599 --> 00:19:45.299 So then what happens from there? 00:19:45.332 --> 00:19:50.432 Brittni: Well, from there I end up moving in with the pimp and I 00:19:50.466 --> 00:19:54.733 don't think at this point that I'm gonna get back into the 00:19:54.766 --> 00:19:56.066 industry or anything like that. 00:19:56.099 --> 00:20:01.299 The way that these guys, they're predators and they prey on women 00:20:01.333 --> 00:20:05.266 who are vulnerable and weak and will do anything for attention 00:20:05.299 --> 00:20:06.632 and love. 00:20:06.666 --> 00:20:10.633 And so it was very like, you know, oh, you know, I'll help 00:20:10.666 --> 00:20:13.866 you, you know, you can live, oh, after I was hearing voices 00:20:13.899 --> 00:20:15.199 and stuff. 00:20:15.232 --> 00:20:16.566 You know what, let's get you some help. 00:20:16.599 --> 00:20:18.799 I'm gonna take you to the mental institution and so he took me to 00:20:18.833 --> 00:20:22.366 a mental institution and they put me on all kinds of psych 00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:27.199 meds and yeah, Risperdal to help stop the voices and all 00:20:27.233 --> 00:20:28.566 these things. 00:20:28.599 --> 00:20:30.966 And then it's like, okay, well I don't wanna keep putting you in 00:20:30.999 --> 00:20:33.233 a hotel after I got released from the mental hospital. 00:20:33.266 --> 00:20:35.366 So why don't you just come stay at my house and it's like, 00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:37.199 oh okay. 00:20:37.233 --> 00:20:40.066 And then one night this guy is actually a backslidden 00:20:40.099 --> 00:20:42.899 Christian, so he's like, hey, let's watch "Passion of 00:20:42.932 --> 00:20:44.600 the Christ," and as we're-- 00:20:44.633 --> 00:20:46.266 Rebecca: He's a manipulator. 00:20:46.299 --> 00:20:48.299 Brittni: Yeah, he really is. 00:20:48.333 --> 00:20:50.133 And as I'm watching it, I tell him, "You know, I think I'm 00:20:50.166 --> 00:20:51.733 possessed by the devil." 00:20:51.766 --> 00:20:53.100 And he didn't take that lightly. 00:20:53.133 --> 00:20:54.433 He's like, wait, what? 00:20:54.466 --> 00:20:55.799 And it scared him when I said that. 00:20:55.833 --> 00:20:57.133 He's like, Why? 00:20:57.166 --> 00:20:58.500 And I'm like, I don't know. 00:20:58.533 --> 00:20:59.833 I just feel like I am. 00:20:59.866 --> 00:21:02.300 And, you know, I'd had seizures, unexplained seizures and things 00:21:02.333 --> 00:21:06.066 like that and I really felt like there was something in me. 00:21:06.099 --> 00:21:10.899 And so he said we're gonna go to church and I went to church with 00:21:10.933 --> 00:21:14.100 him and I got baptized and it was an apostolic church so, you 00:21:14.133 --> 00:21:17.266 know you receive the Holy Spirit through praying in tongues and 00:21:17.299 --> 00:21:18.633 all of that. 00:21:18.666 --> 00:21:21.733 Rebecca: Your pimp took you to church to try to get the demon 00:21:21.766 --> 00:21:24.666 out of you. 00:21:24.699 --> 00:21:26.000 This is so crazy. 00:21:26.033 --> 00:21:27.366 Brittni: My life was crazy. 00:21:27.399 --> 00:21:29.100 Rebecca: He's like I will mess with things, but I will not mess 00:21:29.133 --> 00:21:30.433 with that. 00:21:30.466 --> 00:21:32.933 Oh my gosh, okay. So what happened? 00:21:32.966 --> 00:21:35.133 Brittni: Yeah, so I mean I really felt free coming out of 00:21:35.166 --> 00:21:36.499 that water. 00:21:36.533 --> 00:21:38.799 I was like, oh my goodness, I really did feel like a brand 00:21:38.832 --> 00:21:40.166 new person. 00:21:40.200 --> 00:21:41.499 It was crazy. 00:21:41.532 --> 00:21:42.866 It was beautiful. 00:21:42.899 --> 00:21:45.900 And then, you know, I start reading not the Bible that I was 00:21:45.933 --> 00:21:48.332 given at church, but one of his Bibles. 00:21:48.366 --> 00:21:50.800 And it was cool because whenever I would like flip through the 00:21:50.833 --> 00:21:53.932 Bible, I could tell I could just feel the presence of God. 00:21:53.966 --> 00:21:56.733 And it was like I'm like remember one night just sitting 00:21:56.766 --> 00:21:59.300 on my knees crying like I believe in you, Jesus, like when 00:21:59.333 --> 00:22:01.832 I flipped through the Bible, I just feel your presence like I 00:22:01.866 --> 00:22:04.900 believe in you and just like crying out to the Lord. 00:22:04.933 --> 00:22:09.266 And I started really just healing very quickly and the 00:22:09.299 --> 00:22:11.699 pimp saw that and then he's like, okay, you're good now. 00:22:11.732 --> 00:22:14.199 Like, you can get back to work. 00:22:14.233 --> 00:22:19.100 And what he meant was the porn industry and beyond the porn 00:22:19.133 --> 00:22:24.332 industry, which was, you know, yet another very I guess kind of 00:22:24.366 --> 00:22:28.932 shameful thing that I've done was was doing like backpage. 00:22:28.966 --> 00:22:31.999 Like I had gone from doing, you know, I mean in the industry, 00:22:32.033 --> 00:22:34.666 it's all prostitution but like high-end escorting where you're 00:22:34.700 --> 00:22:38.033 making $10,000 for an overnight to like back page where you're 00:22:38.066 --> 00:22:41.166 making whatever the guy can afford if it's like $100. 00:22:41.199 --> 00:22:42.666 Rebecca: Oh, gosh. 00:22:42.699 --> 00:22:44.799 How did he convince you? 00:22:44.833 --> 00:22:48.333 Brittni: He had another woman that I found out about after he 00:22:48.366 --> 00:22:50.333 told me who was-- 00:22:50.366 --> 00:22:51.699 Rebecca: Were y'all in relationship? 00:22:51.733 --> 00:22:54.433 Rebecca: No, she was staying at a hotel and I didn't know they 00:22:54.466 --> 00:22:55.799 were all so intimate. 00:22:55.833 --> 00:22:58.199 I found that out later, but she-- 00:22:58.232 --> 00:22:59.732 Rebecca: No, no, I mean, were you and the pimp in 00:22:59.766 --> 00:23:01.299 a relationship? 00:23:01.333 --> 00:23:02.733 Brittni: Yes, yeah, like he bought me an engagement ring. 00:23:02.766 --> 00:23:04.133 Rebecca: 'Cause that's what they do. 00:23:04.166 --> 00:23:06.833 They will you in with your--they rope you in with your love, but 00:23:06.866 --> 00:23:09.533 he had a woman on the side, you didn't know about her. 00:23:09.566 --> 00:23:12.233 Brittni: No, not until later. Rebecca: Okay, so keep going. 00:23:12.266 --> 00:23:16.466 Brittni: Yeah, we were engaged and yeah, he basically, he would 00:23:16.500 --> 00:23:20.733 tell me on days that I wasn't working in porn, he would go and 00:23:20.766 --> 00:23:22.833 collect the money from the other woman and be like, oh look, 00:23:22.866 --> 00:23:26.966 she's making $1000 a day like-- slow money is better than no 00:23:26.999 --> 00:23:29.666 money, you know, like things like that, making and just kind 00:23:29.699 --> 00:23:34.033 of playing on just insecurities and comparison and things 00:23:34.066 --> 00:23:35.399 like that. 00:23:35.432 --> 00:23:37.432 And he's like, you know, you could be doing this too, you 00:23:37.466 --> 00:23:42.266 know, and so I did that several times until my career started 00:23:42.300 --> 00:23:44.466 picking up again in porn. 00:23:44.500 --> 00:23:45.999 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. 00:23:46.032 --> 00:23:48.932 How did it feel coming back in? 00:23:48.966 --> 00:23:51.799 Did it feel worse than it did in the first time 'cause you had 00:23:51.833 --> 00:23:53.133 kind of gotten out? 00:23:53.166 --> 00:23:54.499 Brittni: Yeah, I mean. 00:23:54.533 --> 00:23:55.833 Rebecca: Or did you feel the same. 00:23:55.866 --> 00:23:57.166 Brittni: Both and. 00:23:57.200 --> 00:23:59.633 So at first when I got back in, I got in with like fresh eyes 00:23:59.666 --> 00:24:02.166 and fresh joy and I literally would tell everybody 00:24:02.199 --> 00:24:03.499 about Jesus. 00:24:03.533 --> 00:24:07.266 There are interviews of me talking about Jesus. 00:24:07.299 --> 00:24:11.300 Yes, I mean, I don't post them like because I'm wearing some, 00:24:11.333 --> 00:24:14.266 you know, crazy clothing, but even on Howard Stern, I was on 00:24:14.300 --> 00:24:16.800 Howard Stern telling them about Jesus. 00:24:16.833 --> 00:24:19.899 Yeah, like just all I could tell you, let me tell you why, at the 00:24:19.932 --> 00:24:23.599 Apostolic Church, the pastor called up a young boy and he 00:24:23.633 --> 00:24:25.533 said, "Son, God has a word for you. 00:24:25.566 --> 00:24:27.333 You're gonna be a professional basketball player." 00:24:27.366 --> 00:24:30.432 He goes, "But let me tell you something, every interview you 00:24:30.466 --> 00:24:32.100 better talk about Jesus." 00:24:32.133 --> 00:24:33.832 And I'm like, I receive it. 00:24:33.866 --> 00:24:35.932 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. 00:24:35.966 --> 00:24:38.833 Brittni: So every interview when I went back, I would just 00:24:38.866 --> 00:24:40.199 tell people about Jesus. 00:24:40.233 --> 00:24:41.532 I was that girl. 00:24:41.566 --> 00:24:43.300 And then it was cool because there were performers that are 00:24:43.333 --> 00:24:44.666 like, oh yeah, I grew up in church. 00:24:44.699 --> 00:24:46.733 It opened up the door to have so many conversations. 00:24:46.766 --> 00:24:51.000 One guy is like, oh yeah, I make comic books about like Jesus 00:24:51.033 --> 00:24:54.533 kicking the devil in the, you know, crotch area. 00:24:54.566 --> 00:24:57.300 Like he's like, I make comic books and I'm like, what? 00:24:57.333 --> 00:24:59.700 Like you make comic books about Jesus and the devil. 00:24:59.733 --> 00:25:02.499 Rebecca: 'Cause so many of those performers are broken and 00:25:02.533 --> 00:25:04.099 are looking for help too. 00:25:04.133 --> 00:25:06.066 Brittni: Exactly, exactly. 00:25:06.099 --> 00:25:10.966 So, yeah, was just that was different that time around and I 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:14.066 actually, because I've been manipulated by him, you know, 00:25:14.099 --> 00:25:17.766 Jesus loves prostitution, you know, he told, he revealed 00:25:17.800 --> 00:25:20.400 himself first to Mary Magdalene, she's a prostitute, you know, 00:25:20.433 --> 00:25:23.866 really flipping the Bible where I thought that what I was doing 00:25:23.899 --> 00:25:28.100 wasn't sinful in the eyes of God at that time as long as I talk 00:25:28.133 --> 00:25:30.966 about Jesus, you know, and so-- 00:25:31.000 --> 00:25:32.633 Rebecca: And I think we just need to add in here how 00:25:32.666 --> 00:25:37.266 manipulative pimps are and how they get women to do what they 00:25:37.299 --> 00:25:40.466 want them to do to make money and how, you know, you didn't 00:25:40.499 --> 00:25:44.233 have the understanding yet, but God was gonna bring you to 00:25:44.266 --> 00:25:45.566 that place. 00:25:45.600 --> 00:25:46.899 Brittni: Yeah, of course. 00:25:46.932 --> 00:25:50.133 Yeah, so I think where things started to shift was I had 00:25:50.166 --> 00:25:56.499 gotten pregnant and he forced me to have an abortion. 00:25:56.533 --> 00:25:59.599 And from that point forward, I'm like, I hate him. 00:25:59.632 --> 00:26:01.433 Like that's really how I felt in my heart. 00:26:01.466 --> 00:26:02.766 I hate him. 00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:05.433 And I felt like I hate myself that I made this decision. 00:26:05.466 --> 00:26:09.666 So I had gone so many layers of like healing and feeling good in 00:26:09.699 --> 00:26:13.500 life, obviously not fully there, but, you know, I was to back to 00:26:13.533 --> 00:26:16.099 a place where I was like I needed to numb again. 00:26:16.133 --> 00:26:18.666 And so after that I started using prescription pills again 00:26:18.699 --> 00:26:21.033 and then the industry just kind of became that thing. 00:26:21.066 --> 00:26:24.600 But I will say, going back into the industry with the Holy 00:26:24.633 --> 00:26:28.232 Spirit, there were certain scenes that I had no problem 00:26:28.266 --> 00:26:31.733 doing that when I got back into the industry, I could no 00:26:31.766 --> 00:26:33.066 longer do. 00:26:33.100 --> 00:26:35.766 Rebecca: Yeah, so you had been changed and you're gonna be 00:26:35.799 --> 00:26:37.100 fully brought out and delivered. 00:26:37.133 --> 00:26:38.632 I do wanna touch on the abortion. 00:26:38.666 --> 00:26:40.133 Are you okay with talking about that? 00:26:40.166 --> 00:26:45.332 Just because that is such a big topic in our society today and I 00:26:45.366 --> 00:26:47.666 just feel like it's so important for women to share their 00:26:47.700 --> 00:26:51.199 experiences and how hard it is because it's so advertised. 00:26:51.233 --> 00:26:53.799 This is healthcare and it's not a big deal and it's not gonna 00:26:53.832 --> 00:26:56.466 bother you, but every woman I talked to that's ever gone 00:26:56.500 --> 00:27:00.133 through it talks about how awful and how painful it was. 00:27:00.166 --> 00:27:02.766 Did you feel like--was he like, you don't have a choice, I'm 00:27:02.799 --> 00:27:04.099 forcing you to go? 00:27:04.133 --> 00:27:07.833 Brittni: Yeah, so I told him I'm like, you know, I kind of 00:27:07.866 --> 00:27:10.933 feel like I'm pregnant, you know, and I just feel 00:27:10.966 --> 00:27:15.932 differently, you know, and so he's like, oh wow, 00:27:15.966 --> 00:27:17.266 that's exciting. 00:27:17.300 --> 00:27:18.666 You should take a pregnancy test. 00:27:18.699 --> 00:27:21.466 So I did and then he's like, are you pregnant? 00:27:21.500 --> 00:27:22.799 Are we gonna have a baby? 00:27:22.833 --> 00:27:24.166 And I'm like, yeah. 00:27:24.200 --> 00:27:25.599 And then he's like, no, we're not. 00:27:25.633 --> 00:27:26.966 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. 00:27:26.999 --> 00:27:28.666 Brittni: Yeah, so it was very like because he didn't want me 00:27:28.700 --> 00:27:29.999 to hide it from him. 00:27:30.032 --> 00:27:32.700 So he acted like he was excited. 00:27:32.733 --> 00:27:35.832 So we make an appointment to Planned Parenthood. 00:27:35.866 --> 00:27:38.966 We get there, they take me in the back. 00:27:38.999 --> 00:27:40.666 They're like, oh, we don't think you're pregnant. 00:27:40.699 --> 00:27:42.332 They did an ultrasound. We don't see anything. 00:27:42.366 --> 00:27:44.133 I was very early on. 00:27:44.166 --> 00:27:46.899 I had taken an early pregnancy test, so like, you know, about 00:27:46.932 --> 00:27:49.300 two weeks, by the time I went in, I was like four weeks. 00:27:49.333 --> 00:27:51.399 It was very early on. 00:27:51.433 --> 00:27:53.399 And I'm like, no, I've taken a pregnancy test. 00:27:53.432 --> 00:27:54.733 So they did a pregnancy test. 00:27:54.766 --> 00:27:56.399 They said, "Yeah, you are pregnant." 00:27:56.433 --> 00:27:59.266 And so what they were gonna do was just vacuum around and I 00:27:59.300 --> 00:28:02.200 found out that that's actually very dangerous because they had 00:28:02.233 --> 00:28:05.199 no idea where they were sectioning and that could have 00:28:05.233 --> 00:28:07.533 done a lot of harm to me. 00:28:07.566 --> 00:28:11.433 But in the process I'm there and I'm just bawling my eyes out and 00:28:11.466 --> 00:28:14.533 they're like, and, you know, the lady said, "Are you okay?" 00:28:14.566 --> 00:28:15.900 And I said, "No." 00:28:15.933 --> 00:28:17.232 And she said, "Well, what's wrong?" 00:28:17.266 --> 00:28:18.999 I said, "I don't wanna have an abortion." 00:28:19.033 --> 00:28:21.000 She said, "Then why are you here?" 00:28:21.033 --> 00:28:24.133 And I said, "Because you know the guy I'm with doesn't want 00:28:24.166 --> 00:28:25.500 the baby." 00:28:25.533 --> 00:28:26.832 And she said, "Okay, you know what? 00:28:26.866 --> 00:28:28.199 You're so early on. 00:28:28.232 --> 00:28:29.866 Why don't you just go home and think about this and then 00:28:29.899 --> 00:28:31.199 come back?" 00:28:31.233 --> 00:28:32.566 And I'm like, okay. 00:28:32.600 --> 00:28:33.899 So I walk out. 00:28:33.932 --> 00:28:36.066 I know you don't hear those stories very often, but that was 00:28:36.099 --> 00:28:37.400 my story. 00:28:37.433 --> 00:28:41.866 And I walk out and the pimp's like, oh, you're already done? 00:28:41.900 --> 00:28:44.499 And I'm like, no, they're not gonna do it because I'm crying. 00:28:44.533 --> 00:28:49.366 And he just in a very sharp tone was like, "Get back in there, 00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:53.832 wipe your tears off, get back in there and get it done." 00:28:53.866 --> 00:28:58.933 And I know like I could have, you know, left him, gone, I 00:28:58.966 --> 00:29:02.266 don't know, figured life out again, but it's kind of like 00:29:02.299 --> 00:29:05.999 when you're in such a mess in life, you feel so stuck 00:29:06.032 --> 00:29:07.333 sometimes and that's where I was. 00:29:07.366 --> 00:29:11.433 I felt so stuck like, okay, so if I don't do this, what is he 00:29:11.466 --> 00:29:13.700 gonna kick me out and then I'm gonna have to, you know, it's 00:29:13.733 --> 00:29:15.266 just like all the fears. 00:29:15.299 --> 00:29:19.066 So I went back in and, you know, the lady's like, oh, you're back 00:29:19.099 --> 00:29:20.566 and I said, "Yeah, I'm back." 00:29:20.600 --> 00:29:22.833 And she goes, "Are you sure about this?" 00:29:22.866 --> 00:29:24.600 And I said, "Yeah, I'm sure." 00:29:24.633 --> 00:29:25.966 And she's like, okay. 00:29:25.999 --> 00:29:27.666 And then they did it. 00:29:27.700 --> 00:29:28.999 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. 00:29:29.032 --> 00:29:32.966 Brittni: And I felt like as early on as I was, I felt like a 00:29:32.999 --> 00:29:36.499 chunk of my soul had been ripped from within me. 00:29:36.532 --> 00:29:39.566 Literally, I went from actually feeling joyful. 00:29:39.599 --> 00:29:42.499 Like for the first time in my life, I actually felt joy 00:29:42.533 --> 00:29:45.966 because I was connecting with Jesus, you know, and he was 00:29:45.999 --> 00:29:52.199 giving me joy, to like just numb to life again. 00:29:52.232 --> 00:29:53.532 I hate him. 00:29:53.566 --> 00:29:54.900 I hate myself. 00:29:54.933 --> 00:29:56.232 I don't wanna be here. 00:29:56.266 --> 00:29:59.300 Like it was very, very damaging and then even going through my 00:29:59.333 --> 00:30:02.466 healing journey with Jesus, that was one of the hardest things to 00:30:02.499 --> 00:30:04.266 forgive myself of. 00:30:04.300 --> 00:30:05.932 One of the hardest things. 00:30:05.966 --> 00:30:09.333 Rebecca: Oh man, but how important it was for you to 00:30:09.366 --> 00:30:14.300 forgive yourself and receive his free flowing forgiveness to you, 00:30:14.333 --> 00:30:15.666 you know. 00:30:15.700 --> 00:30:20.032 Brittni: Yeah, I heard a pastor say recently, you can't judge 00:30:20.066 --> 00:30:23.766 yesterday's decisions based on today's wisdom. 00:30:23.800 --> 00:30:26.766 You may, looking back, you would probably have never made 00:30:26.800 --> 00:30:28.133 that decision. 00:30:28.166 --> 00:30:30.433 Like looking back, I would have never done that, but I have more 00:30:30.466 --> 00:30:31.799 wisdom than I had then. 00:30:31.833 --> 00:30:34.566 I have more healing and growth and, yeah, of course I would 00:30:34.599 --> 00:30:38.033 never make that decision now, but yesterday was so different 00:30:38.066 --> 00:30:39.366 for me, you know. 00:30:39.399 --> 00:30:43.099 Rebecca: But what's the silver, you know, the positive aspect is 00:30:43.132 --> 00:30:46.166 that there will probably be someone who's listening to this 00:30:46.199 --> 00:30:48.832 testimony and probably change their mind. 00:30:48.866 --> 00:30:50.166 Brittni: I hope so. 00:30:50.199 --> 00:30:53.466 You know, one thing I say 'cause I've talked women out of having 00:30:53.500 --> 00:30:55.099 abortions and I say this to them. 00:30:55.133 --> 00:31:01.900 I say, "You may, you may really regret the day that you abort 00:31:01.933 --> 00:31:05.066 your child, but you will never regret the day you give birth to 00:31:05.100 --> 00:31:07.033 your child and you look into their eyes." 00:31:07.066 --> 00:31:09.799 That is one thing you will never regret. 00:31:09.832 --> 00:31:12.099 And, you know, it's the truth. 00:31:12.132 --> 00:31:15.366 Like I look into both of my children's eyes with no regret, 00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.466 nothing but love and I'm so grateful for both of my 00:31:18.499 --> 00:31:22.833 daughters and I'm happy to say that, you know, that statement 00:31:22.866 --> 00:31:25.366 has been thought provoking enough to help other women to 00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:26.733 not have abortions. 00:31:26.766 --> 00:31:28.166 Rebecca: That's so powerful. 00:31:28.199 --> 00:31:31.932 Okay, so the abortion happens, you're basically numb inside. 00:31:31.966 --> 00:31:33.433 You said you started medicating with. 00:31:33.466 --> 00:31:34.766 Brittni: Pills again. 00:31:34.800 --> 00:31:36.133 Rebecca: With pills. 00:31:36.166 --> 00:31:38.133 So what happens from that point? 00:31:38.166 --> 00:31:40.499 Brittni: I'm in the industry for a little while longer. 00:31:40.533 --> 00:31:44.966 It was a total of seven years and one day me and him 00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:48.132 just got in a fight, me and the pimp, and the Holy Spirit told 00:31:48.166 --> 00:31:51.966 me that I needed to leave him, and I'm like, I don't even, you 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:54.266 know, who am I gonna call? 00:31:54.299 --> 00:31:56.932 And the Holy Spirit said, "Call your mom." 00:31:56.966 --> 00:32:00.032 And, you know, my mom and I have a wonderful relationship now, 00:32:00.066 --> 00:32:03.533 but growing up or, you know, at least back then, I didn't feel 00:32:03.566 --> 00:32:07.066 like I could admit that I had made yet another mistake. 00:32:07.099 --> 00:32:10.866 I was really stuck in my pride and the Holy Spirit said, 00:32:10.900 --> 00:32:14.533 "Brittni, humble yourself and call your mom." 00:32:14.566 --> 00:32:16.300 And that's exactly what I did. 00:32:16.333 --> 00:32:19.099 And she came over and she picked me up and helped me to move my 00:32:19.132 --> 00:32:22.566 stuff out of his house and then I had to go film what would 00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:25.399 become my very last porn scene. 00:32:25.432 --> 00:32:29.133 I was going to fly to Las Vegas from San Diego. 00:32:29.166 --> 00:32:31.766 And before I left for the airport, I heard the Holy Spirit 00:32:31.799 --> 00:32:33.132 say, "Bring your Bible." 00:32:33.166 --> 00:32:37.033 And that's the Bible that I got at the Rock three years prior. 00:32:37.066 --> 00:32:40.032 So I'm on the airplane and I'm reading Revelation chapter 2, 00:32:40.066 --> 00:32:43.333 verse 23, through 23, and it says, "I have this thing 00:32:43.366 --> 00:32:44.666 against you. 00:32:44.699 --> 00:32:46.399 You tolerate that woman named Jezebel. 00:32:46.432 --> 00:32:49.633 I've given her time to repent of her sexual immorality. 00:32:49.666 --> 00:32:52.266 If she doesn't repent, I will cast her and her children and 00:32:52.299 --> 00:32:56.732 all who commit immorality along with her into a sick bed." 00:32:56.766 --> 00:32:59.032 And when I read that Scripture, I was on the back of the 00:32:59.066 --> 00:33:02.933 airplane and I remember just I started crying. 00:33:02.966 --> 00:33:06.333 And in my heart, I started talking to God and I just said, 00:33:06.366 --> 00:33:08.266 "Lord, I am so sorry. 00:33:08.299 --> 00:33:11.666 I had no idea like I'm living in sin. 00:33:11.699 --> 00:33:13.100 I'm breaking your heart. 00:33:13.133 --> 00:33:16.933 I'm leading people into sin like, and I hate my life." 00:33:16.966 --> 00:33:20.132 Like there's nothing even good in it for me at this 00:33:20.166 --> 00:33:21.466 point anymore. 00:33:21.499 --> 00:33:24.566 And I felt the Holy Spirit's presence and he just said, 00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:28.032 "Brittni, I love you so much and this is not the life that I 00:33:28.066 --> 00:33:29.399 have for you. 00:33:29.432 --> 00:33:32.266 The life that I have for you will overflow with so much love 00:33:32.299 --> 00:33:33.699 and peace and joy. 00:33:33.733 --> 00:33:36.966 And if you would just quit this industry today, I would bless 00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:39.099 your life like no man ever could." 00:33:39.132 --> 00:33:43.132 So I went to set that day, told everybody about Jesus. 00:33:43.166 --> 00:33:45.800 "This isn't the life that God has for us, everybody. 00:33:45.833 --> 00:33:47.466 He wants us all to quit. 00:33:47.499 --> 00:33:49.833 He said that he will give us a life that overflows with love 00:33:49.866 --> 00:33:51.299 and peace and joy. 00:33:51.333 --> 00:33:52.732 We should all quit the industry today. 00:33:52.766 --> 00:33:54.099 I'm quitting. 00:33:54.133 --> 00:33:55.433 Is anybody else quitting?" 00:33:55.466 --> 00:33:56.799 And they're like. 00:33:56.833 --> 00:33:59.199 Are you gonna do the scene or not? 00:33:59.233 --> 00:34:02.266 Rebecca: So you went to the--and you try to bring everyone out 00:34:02.299 --> 00:34:03.600 with you. 00:34:03.633 --> 00:34:04.966 Brittni: I tried to bring everyone out with me. 00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:06.300 I tried. 00:34:06.333 --> 00:34:07.632 Rebecca: That takes guts 'cause you could have just not 00:34:07.666 --> 00:34:09.266 shown up, be like, okay, I'm quitting, but you, you try to 00:34:09.299 --> 00:34:12.033 get the last of the people. 00:34:12.066 --> 00:34:14.732 What did they say? Were they just like, okay. 00:34:14.766 --> 00:34:18.466 Brittni: They thought I was nuts. 00:34:18.499 --> 00:34:20.466 Oh my gosh, you know. 00:34:20.499 --> 00:34:21.833 Rebecca: But you did it. 00:34:21.866 --> 00:34:23.166 You quit. 00:34:23.199 --> 00:34:24.533 You listened to the Holy Spirit. 00:34:24.566 --> 00:34:28.132 You left the pimp and you quit the industry. 00:34:28.166 --> 00:34:30.732 Brittni: He was genuinely my guide. 00:34:30.766 --> 00:34:33.799 Like he, the Bible says that he's our guide and he was the 00:34:33.833 --> 00:34:36.566 one that was guiding me the entire time. 00:34:36.599 --> 00:34:38.100 Rebecca: Oh my goodness. 00:34:38.133 --> 00:34:41.133 And I think what's so important that we need to talk about with 00:34:41.166 --> 00:34:43.466 people because to the religious mind they're like, this doesn't 00:34:43.499 --> 00:34:47.699 make any sense, but truly we're on a journey and God, you really 00:34:47.733 --> 00:34:49.766 did get saved, you really got filled with the Holy Spirit, but 00:34:49.799 --> 00:34:53.599 there was so much brokenness and, you know, manipulation and 00:34:53.632 --> 00:34:55.766 there's a fight over our souls. 00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:57.333 You know, the devil wants us to go to hell. 00:34:57.366 --> 00:34:59.666 God wants to give us life more abundantly and bring us 00:34:59.699 --> 00:35:01.066 to heaven. 00:35:01.099 --> 00:35:03.466 And so there was warfare over your soul, but God was wooing 00:35:03.499 --> 00:35:05.066 you over those years. 00:35:05.099 --> 00:35:08.099 And then in the perfect moment, he speaks and he says, okay, 00:35:08.133 --> 00:35:09.466 it's time to let that go. 00:35:09.499 --> 00:35:11.066 It's time to come back to me. 00:35:11.099 --> 00:35:14.699 And so, you know, what a story though because you left 00:35:14.732 --> 00:35:16.966 everything that you knew and now you're having to take this walk 00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:20.766 of faith, not knowing any idea what the future held. 00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:24.066 Everything that you had known since 18 was no longer 00:35:24.099 --> 00:35:25.400 an option. 00:35:25.433 --> 00:35:26.766 So what was that like? 00:35:26.799 --> 00:35:29.699 Brittni: Wow, it was rough. 00:35:29.732 --> 00:35:32.800 I left the industry with my last paycheck 'cause I did do the 00:35:32.833 --> 00:35:35.100 scene that day and I will tell you it was very awkward. 00:35:35.133 --> 00:35:39.866 I felt like so convicted during the scene, like, what am I 00:35:39.899 --> 00:35:41.199 doing here? 00:35:41.233 --> 00:35:42.566 Get me out of here. 00:35:42.599 --> 00:35:48.733 So I took my last $1500 and I had an apartment at that time. 00:35:48.766 --> 00:35:51.332 I had stashed some money from the pimp when I escaped, so I 00:35:51.366 --> 00:35:53.500 had like 10 grand got an apartment and stuff. 00:35:53.533 --> 00:35:57.266 And then while I was at church one night, I was robbed. 00:35:57.299 --> 00:35:58.599 My apartment was robbed. 00:35:58.633 --> 00:36:02.999 And I have a suspicion of who it was, but he was never caught. 00:36:03.033 --> 00:36:06.599 So it ended up being a blessing in disguise because the 00:36:06.633 --> 00:36:09.500 apartment felt so bad that they not only gave me back my 00:36:09.533 --> 00:36:12.133 deposit, but they gave me back my rent for that month. 00:36:12.166 --> 00:36:14.200 So then I had a few $1000 extra dollars. 00:36:14.233 --> 00:36:15.533 I'm like, thank you God. 00:36:15.566 --> 00:36:17.699 I can survive for a little bit, you know. 00:36:17.733 --> 00:36:22.832 I moved in with my dad and his girlfriend at that time and 00:36:22.866 --> 00:36:26.132 stayed there for like 500 bucks a month and found a job. 00:36:26.166 --> 00:36:28.633 I had searched for like two or three months, finally found 00:36:28.666 --> 00:36:29.966 a job. 00:36:29.999 --> 00:36:33.366 I was making $11 an hour at a little limousine company. 00:36:33.399 --> 00:36:35.733 Rebecca: Oh my gosh, what a difference that must have 00:36:35.766 --> 00:36:37.100 felt like. 00:36:37.133 --> 00:36:38.433 Brittni: You know what? 00:36:38.466 --> 00:36:40.766 My bank account, I mean, my bank account wasn't full even when I 00:36:40.799 --> 00:36:42.800 was in porn because I spent it all on drugs. 00:36:42.833 --> 00:36:45.633 So it was like my bank account may have been empty, but I had a 00:36:45.666 --> 00:36:47.000 full heart. 00:36:47.033 --> 00:36:50.866 Truly, like I just, I had so much joy and peace that I 00:36:50.899 --> 00:36:52.199 didn't care. 00:36:52.232 --> 00:36:53.633 Like, I don't care about money. 00:36:53.666 --> 00:36:55.566 It didn't buy me any happiness. 00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:58.966 I was miserable even when I could make $150,000 in 00:36:58.999 --> 00:37:00.300 three days. 00:37:00.333 --> 00:37:01.766 Like it just, I was miserable, yeah. 00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:03.100 Rebecca: But you're finally free. 00:37:03.133 --> 00:37:04.466 Brittni: Yeah, I'm free. 00:37:04.499 --> 00:37:06.700 So, yeah, I was working that job. 00:37:06.733 --> 00:37:11.532 Eventually I got into real estate, sold a few houses in the 00:37:11.566 --> 00:37:12.899 beginning of our marriage. 00:37:12.932 --> 00:37:17.166 My husband and I, we got married and then had babies and started 00:37:17.200 --> 00:37:19.233 staying home and doing online ministry. 00:37:19.266 --> 00:37:20.966 Rebecca: Oh my goodness. 00:37:20.999 --> 00:37:22.866 Wow, that is so crazy. 00:37:22.900 --> 00:37:26.099 Okay, well, okay, I have questions about other stuff, but 00:37:26.133 --> 00:37:30.500 I do wanna just talk a little bit about your relationship, how 00:37:30.533 --> 00:37:32.700 you and your husband found one another because it's such a like 00:37:32.733 --> 00:37:35.299 redemption story of everything you had experienced all those 00:37:35.333 --> 00:37:38.666 years just from guys treating you awful. 00:37:38.700 --> 00:37:40.000 So let's talk about that. 00:37:40.033 --> 00:37:44.366 So you started, you lived with your dad, you're going to church 00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:45.966 and you meet your husband. 00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:48.666 Brittni: Well, I end up actually only stayed with my dad 00:37:48.700 --> 00:37:49.999 for a little while. 00:37:50.032 --> 00:37:53.466 I found a really great Christian roommate who was in her 50s and 00:37:53.499 --> 00:37:56.333 she was like a spiritual mom to me. 00:37:56.366 --> 00:37:59.833 So we lived together for about three years until I got married. 00:37:59.866 --> 00:38:01.366 Rebecca: So it's kind of like a gift from the Lord. 00:38:01.400 --> 00:38:04.233 Brittni: Oh yeah, a total gift, yeah. 00:38:04.266 --> 00:38:06.633 And so my husband and I, we met at church. 00:38:06.666 --> 00:38:10.200 He was preaching one night at a young adult ministry and he was 00:38:10.233 --> 00:38:13.466 just like in the middle of a sermon, like, I feel God's 00:38:13.499 --> 00:38:14.832 stopping me right now. 00:38:14.866 --> 00:38:17.432 I don't know why, but I need to say this, like women, you need 00:38:17.466 --> 00:38:21.732 to know that you are a woman of God and that you are worthy of 00:38:21.766 --> 00:38:23.100 real true love. 00:38:23.133 --> 00:38:25.633 And if your man is not treating you as a woman of God, he needs 00:38:25.666 --> 00:38:28.733 to step up or step out, show him the exit sign because you're 00:38:28.766 --> 00:38:31.133 worthy of real true love and you're worth the wait and we're 00:38:31.166 --> 00:38:33.300 all singles and dating like nobody married. 00:38:33.333 --> 00:38:35.299 It's a very young adult ministry. 00:38:35.333 --> 00:38:39.133 And so when he said that, I felt like, wow, God is really 00:38:39.166 --> 00:38:42.299 speaking to me right now because after the pimp, I started dating 00:38:42.333 --> 00:38:44.966 yet another guy that took me to that church. 00:38:44.999 --> 00:38:48.432 And we were sexually intimate and I was getting convicted of 00:38:48.466 --> 00:38:49.766 that and he wasn't. 00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:54.400 And so among some other things and so I broke up with him that 00:38:54.433 --> 00:38:58.266 night or probably the next morning and I just, I kicked him 00:38:58.299 --> 00:38:59.600 to the curb. 00:38:59.633 --> 00:39:01.899 I did exactly what that preacher told me to do. 00:39:01.932 --> 00:39:04.132 And then three years later, me and that guy got married. 00:39:04.166 --> 00:39:05.499 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. 00:39:05.533 --> 00:39:06.833 Brittni: And he's now my husband. 00:39:06.866 --> 00:39:08.633 Rebecca: What was it like dating him compared to all the 00:39:08.666 --> 00:39:11.933 other guys you had dated before? 00:39:11.966 --> 00:39:17.632 Brittni: The guys I dated before were so aggressive and 00:39:17.666 --> 00:39:22.299 drug addicts and toxic just like I was, you know, 'cause I was 00:39:22.332 --> 00:39:23.933 all those things. 00:39:23.966 --> 00:39:27.999 But I healed over, you know, from coming to the Lord, he 00:39:28.033 --> 00:39:32.966 really healed my heart in so many ways that I was actually 00:39:32.999 --> 00:39:35.233 saw myself as my identity in Christ. 00:39:35.266 --> 00:39:36.766 I saw myself as a woman of God. 00:39:36.799 --> 00:39:39.566 So I was able to attract a man of God. 00:39:39.600 --> 00:39:43.133 Had he met me years prior, it wouldn't have worked, you know. 00:39:43.166 --> 00:39:47.866 And so dating him, he's just so gentle and compassionate and 00:39:47.899 --> 00:39:52.532 kind and he loves God and he loves people and there's no 00:39:52.566 --> 00:39:56.666 aggression that comes out from him in any way. 00:39:56.700 --> 00:39:59.566 He reminds me of my--one of my favorite human beings, my papa, 00:39:59.600 --> 00:40:03.233 who's in heaven, like just the most amazing man I ever knew in 00:40:03.266 --> 00:40:06.199 my life and that's my husband. 00:40:06.232 --> 00:40:09.566 He reflects him so much and so and they both, they 00:40:09.600 --> 00:40:10.900 reflect Jesus. 00:40:10.933 --> 00:40:12.233 Rebecca: That's so cool. 00:40:12.266 --> 00:40:14.266 But I think you just tapped on something really important for 00:40:14.299 --> 00:40:17.300 people who are listening, which is that you can't look for 00:40:17.333 --> 00:40:20.266 people or marriage to be like this band-aid solution to fix 00:40:20.300 --> 00:40:21.599 your brokenness. 00:40:21.632 --> 00:40:26.133 You have to get that identity and that healing from God. 00:40:26.166 --> 00:40:28.833 And try to be in the most whole, I mean, the healing journey 00:40:28.866 --> 00:40:30.166 never ends. 00:40:30.200 --> 00:40:33.300 It's like an onion keep peeling layers, but you wanna get that 00:40:33.333 --> 00:40:36.333 and as much healing as you can before entering a marriage and 00:40:36.366 --> 00:40:37.666 you went through that process. 00:40:37.700 --> 00:40:39.033 Brittni: Yeah, absolutely. 00:40:39.066 --> 00:40:41.366 I mean what that looked like for me it was like I couldn't even-- 00:40:41.399 --> 00:40:42.766 'cause I was making $11 an hour. 00:40:42.799 --> 00:40:45.633 I couldn't afford social media or anything like that, you know, 00:40:45.666 --> 00:40:48.866 internet access, so I didn't even really have internet 00:40:48.899 --> 00:40:54.132 access, except for when I was at home, but when I was at home, I 00:40:54.166 --> 00:40:57.233 was just listening to sermons and I was praying, waking up 00:40:57.266 --> 00:41:00.466 like four hours before I had to go to work so that I could get a 00:41:00.500 --> 00:41:03.833 little jog in and worship and pray and read my Bible and then 00:41:03.866 --> 00:41:06.432 I would go on fast all the time because, you know, that's what I 00:41:06.466 --> 00:41:08.632 was learning in church-- we fast. 00:41:08.666 --> 00:41:10.466 So everything I was learning, I was just eating it all up and 00:41:10.500 --> 00:41:12.500 just trying everything, you know. 00:41:12.533 --> 00:41:15.966 And I was just so hungry for God that he filled me and he started 00:41:15.999 --> 00:41:17.300 healing me. 00:41:17.333 --> 00:41:19.366 I mean, he miraculously healed me of my drug addiction one day. 00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:22.766 He told me, he told me to go flush my drugs down the toilet 00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:26.100 and at this point I had pills and I'm like, 00:41:26.133 --> 00:41:27.966 okay, like fighting him. 00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:30.100 I don't wanna get sick, you know, and he's like, go flush 00:41:30.133 --> 00:41:31.466 them down the toilet. 00:41:31.500 --> 00:41:34.299 So I flushed all but four and I run back to my bed to read my 00:41:34.332 --> 00:41:35.632 Bible like I'm so victorious. 00:41:35.666 --> 00:41:38.566 I flushed all but four and the Holy Spirit's like, Brittni, 00:41:38.599 --> 00:41:40.232 flush all your drugs down the toilet. 00:41:40.266 --> 00:41:41.599 You don't need them. 00:41:41.633 --> 00:41:43.166 I'm like, but God, you don't understand. 00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:46.466 I'm gonna get sick and like he's like, you're not gonna get sick, 00:41:46.499 --> 00:41:47.800 flush them down the toilet. 00:41:47.833 --> 00:41:49.699 And I was like, okay. 00:41:49.732 --> 00:41:52.299 And then like I had the mustard seed of faith, but then the 00:41:52.333 --> 00:41:54.699 doubt in me was like I guess I could go to the doctor if I get 00:41:54.733 --> 00:41:57.166 sick, you know, like, but I'm like I'm gonna be obedient. 00:41:57.199 --> 00:42:00.899 So I went and flushed them down the toilet and the next, like I 00:42:00.932 --> 00:42:02.266 went through the day felt fine. 00:42:02.300 --> 00:42:05.066 The next morning I woke up expecting to not feel well 00:42:05.099 --> 00:42:07.999 because for seven years I was on drugs and every time I couldn't 00:42:08.032 --> 00:42:09.599 get a hold of drugs I was sick. 00:42:09.633 --> 00:42:13.899 So I expected and I'm like I actually don't feel bad at all 00:42:13.933 --> 00:42:15.666 like this is weird. 00:42:15.700 --> 00:42:18.500 And I remember taking my little dog out for a walk and the sun 00:42:18.533 --> 00:42:21.433 is shining and I'm just like I get down on my knees and I out 00:42:21.466 --> 00:42:24.299 in the complex that I was living in, this was before I got robbed 00:42:24.333 --> 00:42:27.299 and I'm like thank you Jesus, like thank you. 00:42:27.332 --> 00:42:28.633 I'm healed. 00:42:28.666 --> 00:42:29.999 I'm free. 00:42:30.033 --> 00:42:31.866 Like, I don't feel any pain in my body, like-- 00:42:31.899 --> 00:42:34.566 Rebecca: Oh my gosh. What a miracle. 00:42:34.600 --> 00:42:37.000 It's just so cool hearing how God like met you where you were 00:42:37.033 --> 00:42:39.766 at and discipled you and it's just, it just goes to show it 00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:42.699 doesn't matter what you've done, how far you've gone, God will 00:42:42.733 --> 00:42:46.266 meet you where you're at and he will lead you into that path, 00:42:46.300 --> 00:42:49.632 that abundant life, that path of righteousness and you've done 00:42:49.666 --> 00:42:51.833 that and now you've been saved how many years? 00:42:51.866 --> 00:42:53.166 Brittni: Thirteen years. 00:42:53.200 --> 00:42:54.532 Rebecca: And you've been--and what was it like going 00:42:54.566 --> 00:42:56.833 into ministry? 00:42:56.866 --> 00:42:59.166 Brittni: I mean, I don't think I ever intended to like go 00:42:59.200 --> 00:43:00.499 into ministry. 00:43:00.533 --> 00:43:02.799 I just love Jesus, so I would tell everybody, even when I was 00:43:02.832 --> 00:43:05.066 working at the little limousine company, I'd minister to all the 00:43:05.100 --> 00:43:06.433 homeless people on my lunch break. 00:43:06.466 --> 00:43:09.366 I just want everybody to know about Jesus because a life 00:43:09.400 --> 00:43:11.432 without Jesus is the worst life ever. 00:43:11.466 --> 00:43:13.733 Like how do you get through mental illness without Jesus? 00:43:13.766 --> 00:43:16.266 How do you get through sleepless nights without Jesus? 00:43:16.299 --> 00:43:18.066 How do you get through heartbreak and loss 00:43:18.100 --> 00:43:19.400 without Jesus? 00:43:19.433 --> 00:43:20.766 Like how? 00:43:20.799 --> 00:43:22.099 And so I just want everyone to know about Jesus. 00:43:22.133 --> 00:43:25.566 So it was like I just kind of stumbled into it, you know, like 00:43:25.599 --> 00:43:29.432 people found out about my testimony 'cause I had shared it 00:43:29.466 --> 00:43:32.033 for one organization that I was close with because they 00:43:32.066 --> 00:43:34.266 ministered to me when I was in the industry. 00:43:34.299 --> 00:43:38.799 So they shared my testimony, it went viral and then from there, 00:43:38.833 --> 00:43:41.799 ABC's the View called and Fox News and just all these, you 00:43:41.832 --> 00:43:45.400 know, it just, I never went intentionally looking for it 00:43:45.433 --> 00:43:46.766 and then-- 00:43:46.799 --> 00:43:48.099 Rebecca: God opened those doors. 00:43:48.132 --> 00:43:50.366 Brittni: Yeah, and then in 2020 we thought, you know, my husband 00:43:50.399 --> 00:43:53.699 and I thought we should really try and like, you know, be 00:43:53.733 --> 00:43:56.766 proactive in helping addicts because we're getting our DMs 00:43:56.799 --> 00:43:59.499 and emails are flooded with people that are struggling with 00:43:59.532 --> 00:44:02.533 porn and then we're getting women reaching out and yet like 00:44:02.566 --> 00:44:05.766 we don't, we can't fund this on our own, like we need the 00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:08.366 support of generous donations and like how can we do that? 00:44:08.399 --> 00:44:10.199 We don't even have a ministry. 00:44:10.232 --> 00:44:14.433 So we created a 501c3, lovealwaysministries.com so that 00:44:14.466 --> 00:44:17.133 we could be a help to people. 00:44:17.166 --> 00:44:20.066 And we're gonna start soon raising money to go back to the 00:44:20.100 --> 00:44:22.433 porn conventions, which we, I used to do with 00:44:22.466 --> 00:44:23.766 another ministry. 00:44:23.799 --> 00:44:26.866 And we just hand out thousands of Bibles and we talk to 00:44:26.899 --> 00:44:30.899 thousands of people about Jesus and these people that are at the 00:44:30.933 --> 00:44:33.666 conventions are people that are addicted to pornography. 00:44:33.700 --> 00:44:36.933 So and then they're coming to see their favorite porn stars so 00:44:36.966 --> 00:44:39.466 we get to minister to both and. 00:44:39.499 --> 00:44:42.533 So, that's one thing that we're working on right now that we're 00:44:42.566 --> 00:44:43.866 really excited about. 00:44:43.900 --> 00:44:45.499 Yeah, so I wouldn't say, I don't know how to answer 00:44:45.533 --> 00:44:46.833 your question. 00:44:46.866 --> 00:44:49.200 I don't--I didn't get into ministry, just kind of stumble-- 00:44:49.233 --> 00:44:50.900 I kind of stumbled into it. 00:44:50.933 --> 00:44:52.700 Rebecca: But you were happy to do it. 00:44:52.733 --> 00:44:54.432 You were like 'cause some people are like, oh, I don't want to, 00:44:54.466 --> 00:44:56.532 you know, they'll fill the call but they might resist, but you 00:44:56.566 --> 00:44:58.933 were just happy to continue to do what you were already doing. 00:44:58.966 --> 00:45:01.099 Brittni: Like let me just tell people about you Jesus because 00:45:01.132 --> 00:45:04.033 you changed my life and how many other people's lives can you 00:45:04.066 --> 00:45:07.132 change if people would just know about you and like I think that 00:45:07.166 --> 00:45:10.699 real conviction came from too because my whole life like I 00:45:10.732 --> 00:45:13.866 don't recall anybody ever telling me about Jesus. 00:45:13.900 --> 00:45:16.366 Rebecca: Oh wow, so you have that burden. 00:45:16.400 --> 00:45:19.666 Brittni: Yeah, I remember one time like I was in the industry 00:45:19.699 --> 00:45:21.966 and it was after I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior and 00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:26.566 I saw a nun in the bathroom at an airport and I'm like, oh 00:45:26.599 --> 00:45:28.566 cool, like I'm next to like her. 00:45:28.599 --> 00:45:31.533 She's like a really holy person, you know, like I don't know all 00:45:31.566 --> 00:45:32.966 my little thoughts about her. 00:45:32.999 --> 00:45:34.299 I'm like, wow, this is cool. 00:45:34.332 --> 00:45:35.666 I'm next to a nun. 00:45:35.699 --> 00:45:37.399 And I look at her and I'm like, hi. 00:45:37.433 --> 00:45:40.232 And she just like stared at me with like a look of disgust 00:45:40.266 --> 00:45:42.766 probably 'cause I had a very low cut top on and stuff and I 00:45:42.799 --> 00:45:46.966 was like, wow, when I got healed and really started walking with 00:45:46.999 --> 00:45:50.533 God, that memory like burned into my soul. 00:45:50.566 --> 00:45:52.366 Don't ever be like that. 00:45:52.399 --> 00:45:55.700 If somebody gives you a smile, I don't care what they look like, 00:45:55.733 --> 00:45:58.633 like you love on them, you celebrate them because you never 00:45:58.666 --> 00:46:00.133 know what they're going through. 00:46:00.166 --> 00:46:02.832 Whether they're dressed provocatively, like, you love 00:46:02.866 --> 00:46:04.166 on them. 00:46:04.199 --> 00:46:06.599 Because that made me feel horrible, like, oh yeah, I'm not 00:46:06.633 --> 00:46:09.533 good enough to be a religious woman, you know. 00:46:09.566 --> 00:46:11.999 Rebecca: Yeah, and that's not even what the gospel is. 00:46:12.032 --> 00:46:13.366 Brittni: Exactly. 00:46:13.399 --> 00:46:16.100 Rebecca: How important was your relationship with God just 00:46:16.133 --> 00:46:19.733 bringing you through and sustaining you even today? 00:46:19.766 --> 00:46:21.899 Brittni: Extremely important. 00:46:21.933 --> 00:46:23.466 Rebecca: How did you know how to have one 'cause sometimes 00:46:23.499 --> 00:46:24.799 they don't teach that in church. 00:46:24.833 --> 00:46:26.166 Brittni: They don't. 00:46:26.199 --> 00:46:28.600 So this is, I mean, I did have a really great discipleship 00:46:28.633 --> 00:46:32.099 program that I went through at church, but here's how I 00:46:32.133 --> 00:46:34.366 discovered a relationship with God. 00:46:34.399 --> 00:46:37.599 When I went to church for the first time, I felt God's 00:46:37.632 --> 00:46:40.532 presence so thick that I was like, I remember telling one of 00:46:40.566 --> 00:46:44.399 the leaders, I don't know what that was, but I have goosebumps 00:46:44.432 --> 00:46:45.999 all over my body. 00:46:46.032 --> 00:46:47.466 It feels so good. 00:46:47.500 --> 00:46:49.466 I was like, what is this? 00:46:49.499 --> 00:46:52.466 And he laughed just like you did. 00:46:52.499 --> 00:46:54.399 And he's like, that's God's presence. 00:46:54.432 --> 00:46:57.499 I'm like, I want this every day. 00:46:57.533 --> 00:46:58.866 So I was like, okay. 00:46:58.899 --> 00:47:00.199 Rebecca: Better than any drug. 00:47:00.232 --> 00:47:01.599 Brittni: Yes, it is better than any drug. 00:47:01.633 --> 00:47:03.366 God's presence is better than any drug. 00:47:03.400 --> 00:47:07.566 So--what--at church they do a praise song and then like a few 00:47:07.599 --> 00:47:10.399 praise songs and then they worship and then the pastor 00:47:10.432 --> 00:47:13.300 comes up to pray and then he preaches the message. 00:47:13.333 --> 00:47:14.999 So I did that at home. 00:47:15.033 --> 00:47:18.166 I would start with a praise song and then I would do a worship 00:47:18.200 --> 00:47:21.499 song and then I would pray and then I would read my Bible. 00:47:21.533 --> 00:47:22.866 I just copied what the church did. 00:47:22.900 --> 00:47:24.666 Rebecca: Oh, my goodness. 00:47:24.699 --> 00:47:26.399 That is so funny. 00:47:26.433 --> 00:47:30.032 But yeah, you said it was just so important for everything. 00:47:30.066 --> 00:47:33.433 Well, I mean this is in such an incredible story. 00:47:33.466 --> 00:47:38.400 I, you know, as a mom with kids, you know, one of my questions is 00:47:38.433 --> 00:47:42.232 how--because now that porn is so prevalent and kids are getting 00:47:42.266 --> 00:47:46.266 exposed to it so young, what is your advice on how parents can 00:47:46.299 --> 00:47:48.832 handle that with their kids? 00:47:48.866 --> 00:47:51.266 Brittni: Parents need to have the conversations with their 00:47:51.299 --> 00:47:55.099 children before they even stumble into porn. 00:47:55.133 --> 00:47:58.799 I shared a book that I read earlier today, "Good Pictures, 00:47:58.833 --> 00:48:00.133 Bad Pictures." 00:48:00.166 --> 00:48:03.266 They have one for ages, I think it goes up to five and then 00:48:03.299 --> 00:48:05.032 there's one for older kids. 00:48:05.066 --> 00:48:08.632 And so my kids are both under five, so I've read it to my 00:48:08.666 --> 00:48:09.999 first daughter. 00:48:10.033 --> 00:48:12.766 I read it to her when she was about four and basically what it 00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:16.099 teaches is that if anybody ever shows you a picture that there 00:48:16.132 --> 00:48:18.766 are good pictures that talks about, there's pictures of good 00:48:18.799 --> 00:48:21.233 flowers and, you know, family photos. 00:48:21.266 --> 00:48:22.566 These are good pictures. 00:48:22.599 --> 00:48:25.432 But if somebody ever comes to you and they show you a photo 00:48:25.466 --> 00:48:28.133 and the person is wearing less than they would wear at the 00:48:28.166 --> 00:48:32.133 beach, that's not a good picture and you turn away and you go 00:48:32.166 --> 00:48:34.200 immediately tell an adult about it. 00:48:34.233 --> 00:48:38.299 And you let them know you're not in any trouble whatsoever. 00:48:38.332 --> 00:48:40.466 Like this is not, you know, you're not in trouble. 00:48:40.499 --> 00:48:42.933 It's okay that you saw this photo, but let's talk about it, 00:48:42.966 --> 00:48:44.399 you know. 00:48:44.433 --> 00:48:48.899 And so that was a really great starting point for my daughter. 00:48:48.933 --> 00:48:51.366 And then, you know, we just have age appropriate conversations 00:48:51.399 --> 00:48:53.832 with her all the time because unfortunately, kids are seeing 00:48:53.866 --> 00:48:56.532 pornography as young as the age of 8-years-old nowadays. 00:48:56.566 --> 00:48:59.466 Rebecca: How do you describe it to a kid 'cause you don't want 00:48:59.500 --> 00:49:03.933 to like, you don't wanna like set it's so hard 'cause you 00:49:03.966 --> 00:49:05.299 don't wanna open that. 00:49:05.332 --> 00:49:07.266 You have to give them a heads up, but you don't wanna be 00:49:07.299 --> 00:49:08.600 like too. 00:49:08.633 --> 00:49:10.432 Brittni: No, yeah, you don't want to ruin their purity. 00:49:10.466 --> 00:49:13.900 You don't want, you don't wanna speak anything into them that 00:49:13.933 --> 00:49:15.399 they don't already know. 00:49:15.433 --> 00:49:18.366 And so like I think the conversation that I had with my 00:49:18.400 --> 00:49:21.166 daughter, I feel like that's very appropriate just letting 00:49:21.199 --> 00:49:23.566 her know, you know, people out there sometimes there's photos 00:49:23.600 --> 00:49:26.166 of people that aren't wearing clothes, those are not good 00:49:26.199 --> 00:49:28.566 pictures and you immediately tell an adult. 00:49:28.599 --> 00:49:31.399 But then you can just kind of like it's through having, you 00:49:31.433 --> 00:49:34.133 having a good relationship with your children, conversations. 00:49:34.166 --> 00:49:36.166 Your children, they love you. 00:49:36.199 --> 00:49:38.000 When you have a good relationship with them, they 00:49:38.033 --> 00:49:39.332 trust you. 00:49:39.366 --> 00:49:41.200 They want to share things with you. 00:49:41.233 --> 00:49:44.166 Our friends that used to run Moral Revolution, there's 00:49:44.199 --> 00:49:47.433 someone out there now, they have older boys and they would tell 00:49:47.466 --> 00:49:50.333 their kids as they started getting older, "Hey, if you guys 00:49:50.366 --> 00:49:53.766 ever even hear any word that you don't know, like come to us, 00:49:53.800 --> 00:49:55.100 we'll tell you what it is. 00:49:55.133 --> 00:49:57.566 Just don't go to your friends, but we'll talk to you about it." 00:49:57.600 --> 00:50:00.566 You know, and so yeah, one time their kids came and asked them 00:50:00.599 --> 00:50:03.632 something about oral se-- "Hey, someone said this, it was an 00:50:03.666 --> 00:50:05.033 inappropriate term. 00:50:05.066 --> 00:50:06.366 What does that mean?" 00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:09.366 And they're like, okay, we're going there, you know, but just 00:50:09.399 --> 00:50:12.133 always having that door open to your children. 00:50:12.166 --> 00:50:14.566 Like my daughter, she's 5-years-old and she comes home 00:50:14.600 --> 00:50:19.466 and goes, "Mom, there's a kid at my school and he's 00:50:19.500 --> 00:50:20.832 saying words." 00:50:20.866 --> 00:50:22.166 And I'm like, what? 00:50:22.200 --> 00:50:23.533 What do you mean he's saying words? 00:50:23.566 --> 00:50:26.300 She goes, and then she said the word and it was the F word and I 00:50:26.333 --> 00:50:27.666 was like. 00:50:27.700 --> 00:50:31.799 She's like, I one time I heard the movie or I heard it in a 00:50:31.833 --> 00:50:34.866 movie and you said, "Turn that off right now." 00:50:34.899 --> 00:50:37.733 So I knew it was a bad word, but I needed to tell you and I'm 00:50:37.766 --> 00:50:39.700 like, thank you so much for telling me, you know, we're 00:50:39.733 --> 00:50:41.033 gonna talk to your teacher. 00:50:41.066 --> 00:50:43.932 So just having a good relationship with your children 00:50:43.966 --> 00:50:46.366 and letting them know that they can tell you anything that you 00:50:46.399 --> 00:50:48.099 are their safe space. 00:50:48.132 --> 00:50:49.532 That you're not gonna get weird. 00:50:49.566 --> 00:50:52.466 That you might get a little shocked, but try your best to 00:50:52.499 --> 00:50:56.466 take a deep breath because your children, they need a safe space 00:50:56.499 --> 00:50:57.832 to turn to. 00:50:57.866 --> 00:51:00.599 They need to know that if they have questions they can turn to 00:51:00.632 --> 00:51:03.366 you because otherwise, who are they gonna turn to? 00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:06.666 Their friends who know, you know, who don't know much, you 00:51:06.699 --> 00:51:09.566 know, and are gonna guide them in the wrong direction. 00:51:09.600 --> 00:51:13.233 Rebecca: Porn is such an epidemic in the world and in 00:51:13.266 --> 00:51:14.599 the church. 00:51:14.633 --> 00:51:18.366 What would you say to someone who's in that bondage? 00:51:18.399 --> 00:51:21.266 Brittni: Yeah, if you are struggling with pornography, the 00:51:21.299 --> 00:51:23.866 best thing that you can do is really first and foremost 00:51:23.899 --> 00:51:25.232 get open. 00:51:25.266 --> 00:51:28.299 Just knowing the statistics can make you feel like you are not 00:51:28.332 --> 00:51:30.132 alone because you're not alone. 00:51:30.166 --> 00:51:34.499 Statistics say that 70% of men in church watch porn, 30% of 00:51:34.533 --> 00:51:38.366 women in church watch porn, and 50% of pastors and leaders in 00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:40.400 church watch pornography. 00:51:40.433 --> 00:51:44.099 And so just knowing that, know that you're not alone, know that 00:51:44.133 --> 00:51:46.766 so many other people are struggling, but you need to find 00:51:46.799 --> 00:51:50.533 somebody that you can open up to because you can't do this alone. 00:51:50.566 --> 00:51:51.933 You need accountability. 00:51:51.966 --> 00:51:54.666 I know so many people that have reached out to our ministry 00:51:54.700 --> 00:51:57.033 they've been just trying to do it alone and they just keep 00:51:57.066 --> 00:51:58.400 falling back into it. 00:51:58.433 --> 00:51:59.732 You can't. 00:51:59.766 --> 00:52:02.932 You need someone you can put accountability software. 00:52:02.966 --> 00:52:08.099 Also, the statistics say from Lifeway Church that pornography 00:52:08.132 --> 00:52:12.132 use goes down 61% by reading your Bible every single day. 00:52:12.166 --> 00:52:14.700 Most people that struggle with pornography, the first question 00:52:14.733 --> 00:52:16.999 I always ask is, "Do you read your Bible?" 00:52:17.032 --> 00:52:18.533 "Well, no, but I go to church." 00:52:18.566 --> 00:52:20.099 But that's not enough. 00:52:20.133 --> 00:52:23.166 Like you need to feed your spirit. 00:52:23.199 --> 00:52:26.433 You wouldn't go that many days without feeding your body. 00:52:26.466 --> 00:52:29.200 So why do you go that long without feeding your spirit. 00:52:29.233 --> 00:52:32.199 Of course, you're starving and so now you're being driven by 00:52:32.232 --> 00:52:34.800 your flesh because you're not feeding your spirit. 00:52:34.833 --> 00:52:37.632 And so you've gotta, you gotta get into the Word of God, you 00:52:37.666 --> 00:52:40.632 got to get open, and then feed your mind. 00:52:40.666 --> 00:52:44.933 Like really watch what you're watching, like pay attention to 00:52:44.966 --> 00:52:46.732 what you're listening to, pay attention to what 00:52:46.766 --> 00:52:48.099 you're watching. 00:52:48.133 --> 00:52:50.700 You know, I like to eat healthy and I notice that when there's 00:52:50.733 --> 00:52:52.799 times that I'm eating unhealthy, what do I do? 00:52:52.832 --> 00:52:54.733 Go to YouTube and I watch all the health food channels. 00:52:54.766 --> 00:52:56.099 Why? 00:52:56.132 --> 00:52:58.799 'Cause I wanna remind myself of why I'm fighting for health. 00:52:58.832 --> 00:53:01.400 I wanna remind myself of the good food. 00:53:01.433 --> 00:53:04.799 But if all you do is watch movies that have sex scenes and 00:53:04.832 --> 00:53:08.666 you listen to this rap music that talks about sex, and then, 00:53:08.699 --> 00:53:11.699 you know, no wonder you wanna watch pornography. 00:53:11.732 --> 00:53:14.499 You have to be really, really intentional about what you 00:53:14.532 --> 00:53:16.466 listen to, especially when you're trying to get free 00:53:16.499 --> 00:53:17.799 from porn. 00:53:17.833 --> 00:53:20.032 Rebecca: And your ministry, it helps with that. 00:53:20.066 --> 00:53:23.866 And also you help--you, like, help mentor women and people who 00:53:23.899 --> 00:53:26.232 are trying to come out of the industry too. 00:53:26.266 --> 00:53:27.966 Brittni: Yeah, yeah, I do. 00:53:27.999 --> 00:53:31.699 So yeah, our website lovealwaysministries.com has 00:53:31.733 --> 00:53:33.066 resources available. 00:53:33.100 --> 00:53:34.400 We have books and courses. 00:53:34.433 --> 00:53:36.066 We also have free resources. 00:53:36.099 --> 00:53:39.033 We have two different podcasts that are listed on there. 00:53:39.066 --> 00:53:43.266 We also have a blog that we just launched, so like we have, you 00:53:43.300 --> 00:53:46.166 know, free resources available as well if people can't afford, 00:53:46.200 --> 00:53:49.133 like you can still get help, you can still get treatment. 00:53:49.166 --> 00:53:52.733 And then for women that want to leave the sex industry, we have 00:53:52.766 --> 00:53:56.432 a page on our site, so I've had so many women fill out the forms 00:53:56.466 --> 00:53:59.766 and I personally come alongside them and I mentor them. 00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:03.100 Rebecca: If you know someone is just so deep in shame, whether 00:54:03.133 --> 00:54:05.666 they're in the industry, maybe they have OnlyFans 'cause that's 00:54:05.700 --> 00:54:07.033 a huge thing going on now. 00:54:07.066 --> 00:54:11.000 It's just, everything's become so accessible even more. 00:54:11.033 --> 00:54:13.333 What was your, what do you think, you know, they're 00:54:13.366 --> 00:54:16.333 thinking they're ashamed, they're hurt, they're broken, 00:54:16.366 --> 00:54:18.100 and they're thinking, I don't even know what God 00:54:18.133 --> 00:54:19.733 would ever say to me. 00:54:19.766 --> 00:54:21.533 What do you think Jesus would say to those people based off 00:54:21.566 --> 00:54:22.866 your own experiences? 00:54:22.899 --> 00:54:25.766 Brittni: Yeah, I know that Jesus would tell them that no 00:54:25.799 --> 00:54:28.299 matter the mistakes they've made, no matter how much they've 00:54:28.333 --> 00:54:31.699 sinned, he has never stopped loving them. 00:54:31.732 --> 00:54:35.666 And that when they get sick and tired of the weight of their 00:54:35.700 --> 00:54:40.200 sin, he has his arms open wide for them to come running to him 00:54:40.233 --> 00:54:42.500 and he will never shut the door on them. 00:54:42.533 --> 00:54:44.800 And he's not looking for anybody perfect. 00:54:44.833 --> 00:54:46.999 He's looking for someone with a heart of repentance. 00:54:47.032 --> 00:54:49.932 And so when your sin is weighing you down. 00:54:49.966 --> 00:54:52.766 I love that the Scripture says, come, Jesus says, "Come to me 00:54:52.800 --> 00:54:55.832 all of you who are weak and weary and burdened and I will 00:54:55.866 --> 00:54:57.200 give you rest. 00:54:57.233 --> 00:54:59.366 He also says that he is living water. 00:54:59.399 --> 00:55:03.933 And so if you feel drained, if you feel depleted, Jesus is your 00:55:03.966 --> 00:55:07.132 place of rest and he's your place of nourishment. 00:55:07.166 --> 00:55:11.100 And so he's the best place to turn to and he's never, I don't 00:55:11.133 --> 00:55:15.032 care what you've heard, he has never turned his back on you. 00:55:15.066 --> 00:55:18.699 Rebecca: Yeah, and you can go to him and like we were talking 00:55:18.732 --> 00:55:22.766 about having a relationship you can pray, you can open the Word, 00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:26.166 get involved in a church and praying is just talking to God 00:55:26.200 --> 00:55:29.666 worship music is great and just filling your life up with him 00:55:29.699 --> 00:55:32.899 and just opening yourself up and letting God be your Father and 00:55:32.933 --> 00:55:35.966 letting Jesus be your Lord and your best friend and he will 00:55:35.999 --> 00:55:39.299 heal your heart as you draw closer to him. 00:55:39.333 --> 00:55:41.866 For everyone who's listening, could you just say a prayer for 00:55:41.899 --> 00:55:44.666 those people that are like, I want to come back to God. 00:55:44.699 --> 00:55:47.233 I want to break out of this, just those people that have that 00:55:47.266 --> 00:55:49.399 burning as they're listening to this podcast. 00:55:49.432 --> 00:55:50.766 Brittni: So good. 00:55:50.799 --> 00:55:53.100 Father, we come before you in the name of Jesus and I thank 00:55:53.133 --> 00:55:57.000 you, Lord, for every listener, especially those who are feeling 00:55:57.033 --> 00:55:58.733 conviction today, God. 00:55:58.766 --> 00:56:02.566 Conviction is really just an invitation from you to come home 00:56:02.600 --> 00:56:03.933 to you, Lord. 00:56:03.966 --> 00:56:06.033 And so I just pray that over them right now. 00:56:06.066 --> 00:56:09.366 I pray God that as they listen to this prayer that they just 00:56:09.399 --> 00:56:13.466 repent of their sins, Lord God, and that they return home 00:56:13.499 --> 00:56:14.800 to you. 00:56:14.833 --> 00:56:16.866 I pray God that you would give them a hunger and a thirst for 00:56:16.899 --> 00:56:18.966 your presence and for righteousness. 00:56:18.999 --> 00:56:22.299 I pray God that they wouldn't go one day without seeking you, 00:56:22.333 --> 00:56:26.000 Lord, I pray that you would fill them up to overflow God. 00:56:26.033 --> 00:56:29.899 I pray that you would restore to them their joy, that your love 00:56:29.932 --> 00:56:33.032 and your kindness would lead them to just such a place of 00:56:33.066 --> 00:56:36.499 repentance, God, that whatever they may be battling with today 00:56:36.532 --> 00:56:39.200 will be a thing of the past, Lord God. 00:56:39.233 --> 00:56:42.499 May you surround them with angels, uplift them, heal their 00:56:42.533 --> 00:56:46.232 hearts, God, heal their mind, heal them of any and all trauma, 00:56:46.266 --> 00:56:49.200 Lord, and let them find everything that they are 00:56:49.233 --> 00:56:50.533 searching for in you. 00:56:50.566 --> 00:56:53.099 I thank you, God, that you promise that you'll never leave 00:56:53.132 --> 00:56:54.566 us nor forsake us. 00:56:54.600 --> 00:56:57.866 So I thank you that you are with them right here in this 00:56:57.900 --> 00:56:59.232 moment, Lord. 00:56:59.266 --> 00:57:01.199 We love you so much and we give you all the honor, Lord. 00:57:01.232 --> 00:57:03.266 In Jesus's name we pray, amen. 00:57:03.300 --> 00:57:04.599 Rebecca: Amen. 00:57:04.632 --> 00:57:07.766 I mean, what a great word, what a great prayer, and I really 00:57:07.800 --> 00:57:09.133 feel God's presence. 00:57:09.166 --> 00:57:12.166 And so, you know, if you said that prayer, I just feel like 00:57:12.200 --> 00:57:13.766 there are people who are watching God's just 00:57:13.800 --> 00:57:15.132 calling them. 00:57:15.166 --> 00:57:16.466 There's people listening. 00:57:16.499 --> 00:57:18.133 He's drawing them and so don't ignore the Holy Spirit wooing 00:57:18.166 --> 00:57:20.533 you today just like Brittni was obedient to God. 00:57:20.566 --> 00:57:21.866 Be obedient. 00:57:21.899 --> 00:57:23.233 His arms are open wide for you. 00:57:23.266 --> 00:57:24.566 There's no shame. 00:57:24.600 --> 00:57:26.366 There's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 00:57:26.399 --> 00:57:29.666 So he's beckoning you forward and so my encouragement is to 00:57:29.700 --> 00:57:32.332 just open your heart and surrender your life to him. 00:57:32.366 --> 00:57:34.899 And you know, you can comment, you can reach out to us, we can 00:57:34.932 --> 00:57:36.232 get you connected. 00:57:36.266 --> 00:57:38.933 Brittni will have your ministry linked as well 'cause you help 00:57:38.966 --> 00:57:40.433 with these people in those situations. 00:57:40.466 --> 00:57:44.232 Wherever where you're at, you're not beyond hope, you know, God 00:57:44.266 --> 00:57:46.966 loves you and I feel his love and so he's calling to 00:57:46.999 --> 00:57:48.300 you today. 00:57:48.333 --> 00:57:50.566 So just be encouraged and open your heart to him. 00:57:50.599 --> 00:57:52.366 Brittni, thank you so much for being here. 00:57:52.399 --> 00:57:55.466 Thank you for just letting Jesus shine through you, for you just 00:57:55.499 --> 00:57:57.032 being honest and vulnerable. 00:57:57.066 --> 00:58:00.300 The church needs more of that and you're just such a breath of 00:58:00.333 --> 00:58:01.633 fresh air. 00:58:01.666 --> 00:58:03.000 I just really appreciate you. 00:58:03.033 --> 00:58:04.332 Brittni: Thank you, it's such a gift 00:58:04.366 --> 00:58:05.666 to be here with you today, truly.