Rebecca: All right, we're back.
The podcast. I'm here with Brittni.
Brittni: Hello.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh. I can't believe you're here.
Brittni: I know, I'm so excited everybody.
I told you earlier I've been wanting to meet you in person
for years, so this is awesome.
It's a God moment.
Rebecca: It is a God moment.
And man, what a story.
You know, I was familiar with your story, but even just
hearing it again today, I was like, oh my gosh, I have so
many questions.
So you're wanting to stay tuned if you're watching this because
Brittni has a powerful testimony.
So let's talk about home life growing up and everything.
Brittni: Yeah, growing up, we didn't grow up in a
Christian household.
There was a lot of verbal, emotional, physical abuse and I
just really grew up very insecure and hating myself and
thinking that life would be better off without me.
Like, from a very young age I had those kinds of thoughts and
so I just started, yeah.
I remember like going to bed with a roll of toilet paper,
just like crying myself to sleep at night.
I just, I was so broken from such a young age and I just
started looking for love in all the wrong places, yeah.
Rebecca: Which so many of us do because we just want that love.
We just want to be accepted, especially when you don't feel
like you're good enough or something like that.
So you just grew up looking for love and where did that path
lead you?
Brittni: Well, okay, so the first--I noticed this guy in
high school and I'm like, I'm gonna,
I just like chased him down.
I'm like I'm gonna get him to notice me because he doesn't
notice me and I thought he was cute.
So finally after like weeks of walking down the hallway where
he sat at lunch, he finally says hi and I'm like, hey.
So anyways, long story short, we start dating and at that time,
Jessica Simpson was like in the media and had a reality show and
she said that she was a virgin on her wedding night and I
looked up to her.
So I was like, I want to be a virgin on my wedding night, not
knowing God or anything, just, you know, looking up to
a celebrity.
And so when this guy that I'm dating now starts pressuring me
to have sex, I'm like, but I'm supposed to be a virgin on my
wedding night, but he just kept pressuring me and I was afraid
that if I didn't have sex that I would lose him and I didn't
wanna be alone.
And so, I lost my virginity to him and then his brother told me
that he cheated on me with three different women after that.
And I was crushed like I completely cut him out of my
life, didn't want to ever talk to him again, but I was really
hurt by that and I felt not only am I being rejected at home, but
now I'm being rejected by this guy that I gave everything to,
you know, and that's so painful.
And so my friends were like, well, let's go party, let's go
to Mexico and so.
Rebecca: So here's a classic cycle because I don't think--one
thing that we need to talk about is how having sex is such a big
deal and our society makes it seem like it's this
nonchalant thing.
I mean, we whittle it down to something that we just try to
say it's purely physical, but when you have sex with someone
and then if there's that break, you feel empty.
It's such a gut-wrenching feeling.
You really truly were only made to sleep with your spouse.
Brittni: Exactly.
Rebecca: And so you were broken and you were hurting.
And so here's this classic cycle where people who are hurting
are broken.
What's this, you know, they're looking for a solution.
Well, I'll party my cares away.
Brittni: Right, let's just go drink it away in Mexico.
Rebecca: So you went to Mexico when you were 16?
Brittni: Yeah, that was the first time I went, but my
friends had been going for many, many months.
Like, we--it's very common in San Diego where I grew up
because you're so close to the border and in Mexico, you know,
I mean I was 16, gosh, 22 years ago.
I'm giving out my age here.
So it was a while ago.
I don't know if it's still the same way, but at that time you
could get into any club with a valid high school ID.
So we'd show them our, yeah, right?
Rebecca: That's crazy.
Oh 'cause the drinking age is different there too.
Brittni: It's 18, but still you should have an ID that says
you're 18, not a junior or sophomore in high school.
Rebecca: Seriously, that's wild.
Brittni: So I get drunk there and I'm hungry, so I go outside
to get a bacon wrapped hotdog and I see another club across
the way and I recognize the name because there were guys in my
high school class that would talk about how beautiful the
women were there.
And because I was so insecure and I felt so ugly and I would
ask them like, what do these women have?
What do you like about them?
Oh, don't worry about it, it's boy stuff, they would say.
And so I'm like, I'm gonna go find out why these guys like
these girls.
No idea what kind of club I'm about to walk into.
I show them my high school ID.
They said the bouncer said, "You can't come in."
And I said, "Well, come on, I'm not gonna drink," 'cause I
thought he didn't wanna let me in because he thought I was
gonna get drunk or further drink further.
And so he, I said, "I just wanna dance."
And he said, "Oh, you wanna dance?"
Okay.
And he grabbed me by the hand and he takes me into what I find
to be, it is a strip club, and he puts me behind like two other
women that are walking up or standing behind the stairs to
get on the stage, and he said, you're up after her.
And I'm like, oh, so I started kind of looking around.
I've never been in a strip club before and I'm like, what are
these girls doing, you know, just trying to figure out how I
can do what they're doing and, you know, obviously I should
have ran out, but I had a broken heart and liquid courage that I
just said, you know, I'm here and I'm gonna just do it.
And so I followed the other girls.
I looked very young as blonde--had braces and like just
looked very young for my age even.
And I took my top off that day and I danced like the other
girls and people were paying me and they were cheering me on and
telling me that I was beautiful and that they loved me.
And those were words that I wasn't hearing at home.
And so I found like a place of validation that night.
It was such deception, but if you're gonna take your clothes
off for money, like you're gonna get paid, but you're also gonna
be affirmed and validated here.
And so that seed was sown in me as a 16-year-old little girl.
So when I went to college, I started dancing again while I
was in college.
Rebecca: What was the draw for you to go back to it in college?
What was the thinking?
Brittni: Yeah, it was some random night because I actually
had a really great job.
My uncle had an incredible company in Santa Barbara where I
started going to college and I mean, I was--their sales people
were making really good money, so many bonuses.
I was doing great.
And I think I just kind of felt lonely and I missed the
attention and so just one crazy night I thought I'm gonna go
back to the strip club and I hadn't even quit my other
job yet.
So at this point I'm stripping, working this other job and going
to college.
And then it started to get pretty overwhelming to where I'm
like, okay, I'm gonna quit my other job.
And so I did that and I started dancing and, you know, then the
producers came in and said that, you know, I was gonna be a star
and they promised me fame.
And at that time of my life, I was so broken that I thought
that if enough people knew me and if enough people loved me,
then maybe somehow I wouldn't hate myself or somehow I could
love myself.
And so when they promised me fame, it was like they were
promising me everything that my little heart was desiring at
that point in my life.
Rebecca: I feel like so much of your story is how you had this
brokenness and you just wanted to be loved.
That like little girl that didn't get the love that she
needed just was looking for that.
And I think so many people want fame because they're insecure
and they think that that will fill that void.
Brittni: Yeah, that's exactly right.
Rebecca: What you learned through 'cause you would go on
and we'll get into that to get fame and it didn't fill
that void.
So these people kind of give you this grand, you know, what
is it?
This grand offer for you to be famous and all this kind
of stuff.
So what happens from there?
Brittni: They--I met them in Los Angeles the next day and
they put me in hair and makeup and took some photos.
Rebecca: How old were you? Brittni: Eighteen.
Rebecca: You were only 18.
Brittni: I was only 18.
Oh and the adult industry played on that, which is, you know,
some of my probably biggest regrets in that industry are
that when I was 18-years-old, they would put me in pigtails
and schoolgirl outfits and costume jewelry.
And you'd have to say things like I'm barely legal and they'd
pair you with old men, which I wasn't a woman of conviction at
that time in my life, but that, that did not sit well with me to
where I had to tell my agent like I won't do these kinds of
scenes anymore and I told my agent, "Do you realize this is
encouraging pedophilia?
What's next?
These men are watching these types of scenes.
It's gonna create a hunger."
I mean, I didn't say it so eloquently, but it's gonna
create an appetite and then to wanna go and molest
little children.
And I said, "I can't do this."
And so that's part of the reason why, you know, I have some
tattoo removal, but I got these tattoos in various places of my
body because I was trying to look older.
I didn't want to get booked for young girl scenes anymore.
Rebecca: That's crazy.
So it was like almost like a way of defending,
protecting yourself.
So they couldn't book you like that anymore.
Brittni: Yeah, because they would say, okay, well, what if
we just don't put the pigtails in your hair?
But you still have me in like barely any makeup, schoolgirl
looking outfits, young girl, and I mean and you know what really
irritates me or angers me, I should say is that the jewelry
that they put on these 18-year-old girls is like
jewelry that my five year old would look at at Claire's and
go, "Oh my gosh, that's so cute, Mom, can I get that?"
It's an 18-year-old wouldn't wear that kind of jewelry.
Rebecca: So you knew.
Brittni: Yeah, that something just did not sit right with me.
I mean, and I did a lot of stuff that looking back is very
shameful in that industry.
I did a lot, but that was the one thing that I was like, I
can't do this.
Rebecca: Yeah, even though you weren't saved or anything, you
just had that conviction.
Brittni: Yeah, I think because of like my upbringing and
feeling like the abuse that I felt, I've always been so
protective of children, like so beyond protective.
Rebecca: Yeah, that's so important.
So when you were in this industry, did you have an agent?
Did you get all the money yourself?
I mean, what did that look like?
Like were you like, wow, I'm getting all this money.
I wanna keep doing it.
Or wow, I'm getting so much fame, but like what was the
dynamic like?
Brittni: Both and I mean very quickly on like I had only been
in the industry for a matter of months when I got nominated for
Best New Starlet.
And so like I was, yeah, I was already gaining a lot of
notoriety within that industry and very quickly growing a
fan base.
And so yeah, that felt good because every day I had people
telling me that I was beautiful and every day I had people
saying, "Will you marry me?"
And things like that which obviously that would never
happen, but it felt good that wow, people actually, people
actually like me.
Like I'm not, I'm not as unworthy as I thought I was.
Like there are people that love me, you know, and that's how I
felt, but then the money as well.
I remember when I first got into the business, I had some issues
with my bank account 'cause I had to move from Santa Barbara
to Los Angeles and they told me I could like take all my money
out and they would close the account.
Well, no, you have to go sign a paper and I never did that.
So basically they froze my new account in LA.
So I remember one time just having a stack of like over
$100,000 cash in my--I was so unwise--in my apartment.
Yeah, I was so unwise, I mean.
Rebecca: Well, you were so young.
Brittni: I was so young, but like, yeah, my friend was
telling my husband that story a couple years ago.
She's like, do you remember when you had all that money?
You know, so it was both and, but the money didn't last long
because I became such a drug addict that that money just
started going.
So like for a very short period of time I had a lot of money and
I had a lot of money saved, but it just the moment I developed a
drug addiction, that money just started going very quickly.
Rebecca: How did that addiction develop?
Brittni: Well, I was on set one day with a director who I've
since found out that he's just mean to every woman.
He's just a very hateful person.
He told me, "You, if you wanna make it in this industry, you
need to lose some weight.
You are so fat.
You're gross," you know.
And I'm like, oh, my gosh.
Rebecca: Which you're not.
Brittni: I felt so insecure after he said that and I'm like,
I need to lose weight and what he didn't know was that in high
school I had anorexia.
So I had just been treated my senior year.
I was doing outpatient treatment for anorexia five days a week.
It was like an intensive outpatient.
So when he said that it triggered.
Like, yeah, you are fat, you need to lose weight.
He's right.
So then I started using cocaine and then from there it just
transpired to different drugs like heavier and, you know,
pills and heroin and crystal meth.
Rebecca: Heroin?
Brittni: Heroin. I didn't shoot it up.
I smoked it, but yeah, heroin.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh.
Was it easy to get these drugs in that industry?
Would you say a lot of performers are using those?
Brittni: Nowadays, they're using different stuff.
A lot of them are overdosing from fentanyl.
So a lot of them are using like coke and things that are laced
with fentanyl, but yeah, while I was in that industry, most of
the performers we're using like coke, meth, and pills.
I didn't know too many that were using heroin because most people
that use heroin, they shoot it up and so you'd see track marks
on their arms.
I just happened to have a friend that lived in LA her whole life
and was like, hey, have you ever chased the dragon?
And I'm like, what is that?
What does chase the dragon mean?
Well, it's like you have foil and, you know, when you light
it, the smoke comes out and you, you know, you inhale it.
So she's like, just try it.
It's really good.
And I tried it and I got hooked very quickly.
Rebecca: What happened?
Did you finish college when you started?
I didn't think so.
Did your family know what you were doing?
Brittni: Well, when I quit my job from my uncle's company, you
know, he found out from someone that worked there that I
was stripping.
So, he knew.
And then when I got into the adult industry, I tried to keep
it a secret for a while, but then I got on the cover of like
a really big magazine and so I just felt like, oh oh, like this
is probably gonna be in a lot of liquor stores.
My dad had owned a liquor store.
I'm like, it's just a matter of time before they find out.
So I told them.
Rebecca: Did you--were you ever giving your money to someone
else or was you just funneling into your drug habit?
Brittni: The first three and a half years I kept my money and
it was, you know, feeding my drug habit, but I had quit the
industry when I couldn't get a hold of heroin and went and
lived with my grandmother's house and I got on Suboxone and
tried to withdraw from heroin there, which I did.
And then I got involved with a guy and he was in a motorcycle
gang and he was stabbed to death in front of me and his friend
was a pimp and so like after that guy, yeah, it's a lot
of unraveling.
I don't know how deep you wanna go into everything.
Rebecca: No, go for it.
We talk about it all here.
Brittni: Okay, so yeah, he, yeah, he was stabbed and the
pimp was his friend and when he died in the hospital, I was kind
of standing outside the hospital like, okay, what am I gonna do?
Like I literally--and it felt like a savior just came.
Hey, what are you doing?
Like, how did he even know I was there?
I don't know.
He pulls up on his motorcycle.
He's like, do you need a ride?
And I'm like, yes, yeah.
Rebecca: 'Cause that's what they do.
Brittni: Yeah, so I was like, yes, please, you know.
And so I couldn't go back to the apartment that I was living in
with the guy that got stabbed because my name wasn't on the
lease, so they just kicked me out.
They're like, you can't come here because of the situation.
So, I had nowhere to go and the pimp was like, do you want me to
put you in a hotel room?
And I'm like, yeah, that would be great.
You know, I could have probably called my grandma, but I was so
ashamed because she told me that guy was no good and she had
helped me out of the industry the first time and I'm like, I
don't wanna be a burden, so I was just trying to figure life
out on my own again.
And so he put me in a hotel room for a while.
He was also giving me crystal meth and that's when I started
using, I started hearing voices very early on.
So I was literally going insane like I'm like thinking people
are talking about me and I'm like looking around like why are
they, you know, like thinking people are just talking, you
know, garbage about me and, you know, thinking that then I start
thinking that the pimp was the one that killed, you know, I was
just all these demonic, these voices just making me go insane
and then--
Rebecca: You're being tormented.
Brittni: Yeah, exactly, to the point where I tried to end my
life and I had a convert.
I didn't know it was God at the time, but I swallowed some
crystal meth and I went into the bathroom at about 2 o'clock in
the morning and I turned all the lights off and I started
slitting my wrist and I heard a voice say, "Brittni, turn the
lights on and put the scissors down."
And then he said it again, "Brittni, turn the lights on
and put the scissors down."
And I was just like this voice of like peace and authority like
commanded the room in such a gentle tone.
I had no idea who or what it was, but I'm like, okay.
So I did it and I turned the lights on.
I had blood all over me.
I still have scars on my arm from it.
I just wrapped myself up really tightly with I think it was like
paper towels or something.
And it was like this weight just got lifted off of me.
And now looking back I know clearly that was the voice
of God.
It's the timing.
I mean, I had just received him as my Lord and Savior a few
months prior while I was living at my grandma's house.
So it's like the timing.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh, okay, okay, so let's backtrack then.
How did you see you were in the industry for three years, you
leave, go to your grandma, get clean, so you get saved.
This is before the incident where God basically
supernaturally saved your life.
How did you get saved at your grandma's?
Brittni: Okay, so my grandma and my grandpa were no
longer married.
He's remarried and he had told me that he'd been going to
church and I said, "Can I go with you?"
So he came with his wife and they picked me up and they took
me to the church that they were going to.
It's the Rock Church in San Diego.
Rebecca: Oh yeah, I know that church.
Brittni: Pastor Miles, you know him?
He's amazing.
And so I remember him saying something along the lines at the
end of the message of like, you know, Jesus really wants to heal
you today, and like you're hurting and he sees you and if
you want to make Jesus the Lord of your life, come down to the
altar and I'm just like tears streaming down my face and I go
up to that altar as fast as I can.
I shake Pastor Miles's hand and I pray the prayer of salvation.
And they gave me a Bible that day.
We went and met and got prayed over, you know, at the aftercare
and they gave me a Bible that that Bible really made a
difference in changing my life because you know the rest of my
story when I was on the airplane reading a Bible.
Rebecca: Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna get into that.
Brittni: We're gonna get there, but that was where that Bible
came from.
Rebecca: So remember this Bible, yeah.
Okay, so you get saved, but then you kind of fall back into with
the wrong crowd, that guy, we know that he ends up getting
stabbed to death by his biker crew.
Brittni: It was an opposite biker crew.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh, okay.
You basically get preyed on by this pimp.
You get in such a bad place 'cause you're back on these
drugs being tormented demonically.
You wanna end your life.
God intervenes.
So then what happens from there?
Brittni: Well, from there I end up moving in with the pimp and I
don't think at this point that I'm gonna get back into the
industry or anything like that.
The way that these guys, they're predators and they prey on women
who are vulnerable and weak and will do anything for attention
and love.
And so it was very like, you know, oh, you know, I'll help
you, you know, you can live, oh, after I was hearing voices
and stuff.
You know what, let's get you some help.
I'm gonna take you to the mental institution and so he took me to
a mental institution and they put me on all kinds of psych
meds and yeah, Risperdal to help stop the voices and all
these things.
And then it's like, okay, well I don't wanna keep putting you in
a hotel after I got released from the mental hospital.
So why don't you just come stay at my house and it's like,
oh okay.
And then one night this guy is actually a backslidden
Christian, so he's like, hey, let's watch "Passion of
the Christ," and as we're--
Rebecca: He's a manipulator.
Brittni: Yeah, he really is.
And as I'm watching it, I tell him, "You know, I think I'm
possessed by the devil."
And he didn't take that lightly.
He's like, wait, what?
And it scared him when I said that.
He's like, Why?
And I'm like, I don't know.
I just feel like I am.
And, you know, I'd had seizures, unexplained seizures and things
like that and I really felt like there was something in me.
And so he said we're gonna go to church and I went to church with
him and I got baptized and it was an apostolic church so, you
know you receive the Holy Spirit through praying in tongues and
all of that.
Rebecca: Your pimp took you to church to try to get the demon
out of you.
This is so crazy.
Brittni: My life was crazy.
Rebecca: He's like I will mess with things, but I will not mess
with that.
Oh my gosh, okay. So what happened?
Brittni: Yeah, so I mean I really felt free coming out of
that water.
I was like, oh my goodness, I really did feel like a brand
new person.
It was crazy.
It was beautiful.
And then, you know, I start reading not the Bible that I was
given at church, but one of his Bibles.
And it was cool because whenever I would like flip through the
Bible, I could tell I could just feel the presence of God.
And it was like I'm like remember one night just sitting
on my knees crying like I believe in you, Jesus, like when
I flipped through the Bible, I just feel your presence like I
believe in you and just like crying out to the Lord.
And I started really just healing very quickly and the
pimp saw that and then he's like, okay, you're good now.
Like, you can get back to work.
And what he meant was the porn industry and beyond the porn
industry, which was, you know, yet another very I guess kind of
shameful thing that I've done was was doing like backpage.
Like I had gone from doing, you know, I mean in the industry,
it's all prostitution but like high-end escorting where you're
making $10,000 for an overnight to like back page where you're
making whatever the guy can afford if it's like $100.
Rebecca: Oh, gosh.
How did he convince you?
Brittni: He had another woman that I found out about after he
told me who was--
Rebecca: Were y'all in relationship?
Rebecca: No, she was staying at a hotel and I didn't know they
were all so intimate.
I found that out later, but she--
Rebecca: No, no, I mean, were you and the pimp in
a relationship?
Brittni: Yes, yeah, like he bought me an engagement ring.
Rebecca: 'Cause that's what they do.
They will you in with your--they rope you in with your love, but
he had a woman on the side, you didn't know about her.
Brittni: No, not until later. Rebecca: Okay, so keep going.
Brittni: Yeah, we were engaged and yeah, he basically, he would
tell me on days that I wasn't working in porn, he would go and
collect the money from the other woman and be like, oh look,
she's making $1000 a day like-- slow money is better than no
money, you know, like things like that, making and just kind
of playing on just insecurities and comparison and things
like that.
And he's like, you know, you could be doing this too, you
know, and so I did that several times until my career started
picking up again in porn.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh.
How did it feel coming back in?
Did it feel worse than it did in the first time 'cause you had
kind of gotten out?
Brittni: Yeah, I mean.
Rebecca: Or did you feel the same.
Brittni: Both and.
So at first when I got back in, I got in with like fresh eyes
and fresh joy and I literally would tell everybody
about Jesus.
There are interviews of me talking about Jesus.
Yes, I mean, I don't post them like because I'm wearing some,
you know, crazy clothing, but even on Howard Stern, I was on
Howard Stern telling them about Jesus.
Yeah, like just all I could tell you, let me tell you why, at the
Apostolic Church, the pastor called up a young boy and he
said, "Son, God has a word for you.
You're gonna be a professional basketball player."
He goes, "But let me tell you something, every interview you
better talk about Jesus."
And I'm like, I receive it.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh.
Brittni: So every interview when I went back, I would just
tell people about Jesus.
I was that girl.
And then it was cool because there were performers that are
like, oh yeah, I grew up in church.
It opened up the door to have so many conversations.
One guy is like, oh yeah, I make comic books about like Jesus
kicking the devil in the, you know, crotch area.
Like he's like, I make comic books and I'm like, what?
Like you make comic books about Jesus and the devil.
Rebecca: 'Cause so many of those performers are broken and
are looking for help too.
Brittni: Exactly, exactly.
So, yeah, was just that was different that time around and I
actually, because I've been manipulated by him, you know,
Jesus loves prostitution, you know, he told, he revealed
himself first to Mary Magdalene, she's a prostitute, you know,
really flipping the Bible where I thought that what I was doing
wasn't sinful in the eyes of God at that time as long as I talk
about Jesus, you know, and so--
Rebecca: And I think we just need to add in here how
manipulative pimps are and how they get women to do what they
want them to do to make money and how, you know, you didn't
have the understanding yet, but God was gonna bring you to
that place.
Brittni: Yeah, of course.
Yeah, so I think where things started to shift was I had
gotten pregnant and he forced me to have an abortion.
And from that point forward, I'm like, I hate him.
Like that's really how I felt in my heart.
I hate him.
And I felt like I hate myself that I made this decision.
So I had gone so many layers of like healing and feeling good in
life, obviously not fully there, but, you know, I was to back to
a place where I was like I needed to numb again.
And so after that I started using prescription pills again
and then the industry just kind of became that thing.
But I will say, going back into the industry with the Holy
Spirit, there were certain scenes that I had no problem
doing that when I got back into the industry, I could no
longer do.
Rebecca: Yeah, so you had been changed and you're gonna be
fully brought out and delivered.
I do wanna touch on the abortion.
Are you okay with talking about that?
Just because that is such a big topic in our society today and I
just feel like it's so important for women to share their
experiences and how hard it is because it's so advertised.
This is healthcare and it's not a big deal and it's not gonna
bother you, but every woman I talked to that's ever gone
through it talks about how awful and how painful it was.
Did you feel like--was he like, you don't have a choice, I'm
forcing you to go?
Brittni: Yeah, so I told him I'm like, you know, I kind of
feel like I'm pregnant, you know, and I just feel
differently, you know, and so he's like, oh wow,
that's exciting.
You should take a pregnancy test.
So I did and then he's like, are you pregnant?
Are we gonna have a baby?
And I'm like, yeah.
And then he's like, no, we're not.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh.
Brittni: Yeah, so it was very like because he didn't want me
to hide it from him.
So he acted like he was excited.
So we make an appointment to Planned Parenthood.
We get there, they take me in the back.
They're like, oh, we don't think you're pregnant.
They did an ultrasound. We don't see anything.
I was very early on.
I had taken an early pregnancy test, so like, you know, about
two weeks, by the time I went in, I was like four weeks.
It was very early on.
And I'm like, no, I've taken a pregnancy test.
So they did a pregnancy test.
They said, "Yeah, you are pregnant."
And so what they were gonna do was just vacuum around and I
found out that that's actually very dangerous because they had
no idea where they were sectioning and that could have
done a lot of harm to me.
But in the process I'm there and I'm just bawling my eyes out and
they're like, and, you know, the lady said, "Are you okay?"
And I said, "No."
And she said, "Well, what's wrong?"
I said, "I don't wanna have an abortion."
She said, "Then why are you here?"
And I said, "Because you know the guy I'm with doesn't want
the baby."
And she said, "Okay, you know what?
You're so early on.
Why don't you just go home and think about this and then
come back?"
And I'm like, okay.
So I walk out.
I know you don't hear those stories very often, but that was
my story.
And I walk out and the pimp's like, oh, you're already done?
And I'm like, no, they're not gonna do it because I'm crying.
And he just in a very sharp tone was like, "Get back in there,
wipe your tears off, get back in there and get it done."
And I know like I could have, you know, left him, gone, I
don't know, figured life out again, but it's kind of like
when you're in such a mess in life, you feel so stuck
sometimes and that's where I was.
I felt so stuck like, okay, so if I don't do this, what is he
gonna kick me out and then I'm gonna have to, you know, it's
just like all the fears.
So I went back in and, you know, the lady's like, oh, you're back
and I said, "Yeah, I'm back."
And she goes, "Are you sure about this?"
And I said, "Yeah, I'm sure."
And she's like, okay.
And then they did it.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh.
Brittni: And I felt like as early on as I was, I felt like a
chunk of my soul had been ripped from within me.
Literally, I went from actually feeling joyful.
Like for the first time in my life, I actually felt joy
because I was connecting with Jesus, you know, and he was
giving me joy, to like just numb to life again.
I hate him.
I hate myself.
I don't wanna be here.
Like it was very, very damaging and then even going through my
healing journey with Jesus, that was one of the hardest things to
forgive myself of.
One of the hardest things.
Rebecca: Oh man, but how important it was for you to
forgive yourself and receive his free flowing forgiveness to you,
you know.
Brittni: Yeah, I heard a pastor say recently, you can't judge
yesterday's decisions based on today's wisdom.
You may, looking back, you would probably have never made
that decision.
Like looking back, I would have never done that, but I have more
wisdom than I had then.
I have more healing and growth and, yeah, of course I would
never make that decision now, but yesterday was so different
for me, you know.
Rebecca: But what's the silver, you know, the positive aspect is
that there will probably be someone who's listening to this
testimony and probably change their mind.
Brittni: I hope so.
You know, one thing I say 'cause I've talked women out of having
abortions and I say this to them.
I say, "You may, you may really regret the day that you abort
your child, but you will never regret the day you give birth to
your child and you look into their eyes."
That is one thing you will never regret.
And, you know, it's the truth.
Like I look into both of my children's eyes with no regret,
nothing but love and I'm so grateful for both of my
daughters and I'm happy to say that, you know, that statement
has been thought provoking enough to help other women to
not have abortions.
Rebecca: That's so powerful.
Okay, so the abortion happens, you're basically numb inside.
You said you started medicating with.
Brittni: Pills again.
Rebecca: With pills.
So what happens from that point?
Brittni: I'm in the industry for a little while longer.
It was a total of seven years and one day me and him
just got in a fight, me and the pimp, and the Holy Spirit told
me that I needed to leave him, and I'm like, I don't even, you
know, who am I gonna call?
And the Holy Spirit said, "Call your mom."
And, you know, my mom and I have a wonderful relationship now,
but growing up or, you know, at least back then, I didn't feel
like I could admit that I had made yet another mistake.
I was really stuck in my pride and the Holy Spirit said,
"Brittni, humble yourself and call your mom."
And that's exactly what I did.
And she came over and she picked me up and helped me to move my
stuff out of his house and then I had to go film what would
become my very last porn scene.
I was going to fly to Las Vegas from San Diego.
And before I left for the airport, I heard the Holy Spirit
say, "Bring your Bible."
And that's the Bible that I got at the Rock three years prior.
So I'm on the airplane and I'm reading Revelation chapter 2,
verse 23, through 23, and it says, "I have this thing
against you.
You tolerate that woman named Jezebel.
I've given her time to repent of her sexual immorality.
If she doesn't repent, I will cast her and her children and
all who commit immorality along with her into a sick bed."
And when I read that Scripture, I was on the back of the
airplane and I remember just I started crying.
And in my heart, I started talking to God and I just said,
"Lord, I am so sorry.
I had no idea like I'm living in sin.
I'm breaking your heart.
I'm leading people into sin like, and I hate my life."
Like there's nothing even good in it for me at this
point anymore.
And I felt the Holy Spirit's presence and he just said,
"Brittni, I love you so much and this is not the life that I
have for you.
The life that I have for you will overflow with so much love
and peace and joy.
And if you would just quit this industry today, I would bless
your life like no man ever could."
So I went to set that day, told everybody about Jesus.
"This isn't the life that God has for us, everybody.
He wants us all to quit.
He said that he will give us a life that overflows with love
and peace and joy.
We should all quit the industry today.
I'm quitting.
Is anybody else quitting?"
And they're like.
Are you gonna do the scene or not?
Rebecca: So you went to the--and you try to bring everyone out
with you.
Brittni: I tried to bring everyone out with me.
I tried.
Rebecca: That takes guts 'cause you could have just not
shown up, be like, okay, I'm quitting, but you, you try to
get the last of the people.
What did they say? Were they just like, okay.
Brittni: They thought I was nuts.
Oh my gosh, you know.
Rebecca: But you did it.
You quit.
You listened to the Holy Spirit.
You left the pimp and you quit the industry.
Brittni: He was genuinely my guide.
Like he, the Bible says that he's our guide and he was the
one that was guiding me the entire time.
Rebecca: Oh my goodness.
And I think what's so important that we need to talk about with
people because to the religious mind they're like, this doesn't
make any sense, but truly we're on a journey and God, you really
did get saved, you really got filled with the Holy Spirit, but
there was so much brokenness and, you know, manipulation and
there's a fight over our souls.
You know, the devil wants us to go to hell.
God wants to give us life more abundantly and bring us
to heaven.
And so there was warfare over your soul, but God was wooing
you over those years.
And then in the perfect moment, he speaks and he says, okay,
it's time to let that go.
It's time to come back to me.
And so, you know, what a story though because you left
everything that you knew and now you're having to take this walk
of faith, not knowing any idea what the future held.
Everything that you had known since 18 was no longer
an option.
So what was that like?
Brittni: Wow, it was rough.
I left the industry with my last paycheck 'cause I did do the
scene that day and I will tell you it was very awkward.
I felt like so convicted during the scene, like, what am I
doing here?
Get me out of here.
So I took my last $1500 and I had an apartment at that time.
I had stashed some money from the pimp when I escaped, so I
had like 10 grand got an apartment and stuff.
And then while I was at church one night, I was robbed.
My apartment was robbed.
And I have a suspicion of who it was, but he was never caught.
So it ended up being a blessing in disguise because the
apartment felt so bad that they not only gave me back my
deposit, but they gave me back my rent for that month.
So then I had a few $1000 extra dollars.
I'm like, thank you God.
I can survive for a little bit, you know.
I moved in with my dad and his girlfriend at that time and
stayed there for like 500 bucks a month and found a job.
I had searched for like two or three months, finally found
a job.
I was making $11 an hour at a little limousine company.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh, what a difference that must have
felt like.
Brittni: You know what?
My bank account, I mean, my bank account wasn't full even when I
was in porn because I spent it all on drugs.
So it was like my bank account may have been empty, but I had a
full heart.
Truly, like I just, I had so much joy and peace that I
didn't care.
Like, I don't care about money.
It didn't buy me any happiness.
I was miserable even when I could make $150,000 in
three days.
Like it just, I was miserable, yeah.
Rebecca: But you're finally free.
Brittni: Yeah, I'm free.
So, yeah, I was working that job.
Eventually I got into real estate, sold a few houses in the
beginning of our marriage.
My husband and I, we got married and then had babies and started
staying home and doing online ministry.
Rebecca: Oh my goodness.
Wow, that is so crazy.
Okay, well, okay, I have questions about other stuff, but
I do wanna just talk a little bit about your relationship, how
you and your husband found one another because it's such a like
redemption story of everything you had experienced all those
years just from guys treating you awful.
So let's talk about that.
So you started, you lived with your dad, you're going to church
and you meet your husband.
Brittni: Well, I end up actually only stayed with my dad
for a little while.
I found a really great Christian roommate who was in her 50s and
she was like a spiritual mom to me.
So we lived together for about three years until I got married.
Rebecca: So it's kind of like a gift from the Lord.
Brittni: Oh yeah, a total gift, yeah.
And so my husband and I, we met at church.
He was preaching one night at a young adult ministry and he was
just like in the middle of a sermon, like, I feel God's
stopping me right now.
I don't know why, but I need to say this, like women, you need
to know that you are a woman of God and that you are worthy of
real true love.
And if your man is not treating you as a woman of God, he needs
to step up or step out, show him the exit sign because you're
worthy of real true love and you're worth the wait and we're
all singles and dating like nobody married.
It's a very young adult ministry.
And so when he said that, I felt like, wow, God is really
speaking to me right now because after the pimp, I started dating
yet another guy that took me to that church.
And we were sexually intimate and I was getting convicted of
that and he wasn't.
And so among some other things and so I broke up with him that
night or probably the next morning and I just, I kicked him
to the curb.
I did exactly what that preacher told me to do.
And then three years later, me and that guy got married.
Rebecca: Oh my gosh.
Brittni: And he's now my husband.
Rebecca: What was it like dating him compared to all the
other guys you had dated before?
Brittni: The guys I dated before were so aggressive and
drug addicts and toxic just like I was, you know, 'cause I was
all those things.
But I healed over, you know, from coming to the Lord, he
really healed my heart in so many ways that I was actually
saw myself as my identity in Christ.
I saw myself as a woman of God.
So I was able to attract a man of God.
Had he met me years prior, it wouldn't have worked, you know.
And so dating him, he's just so gentle and compassionate and
kind and he loves God and he loves people and there's no
aggression that comes out from him in any way.
He reminds me of my--one of my favorite human beings, my papa,
who's in heaven, like just the most amazing man I ever knew in
my life and that's my husband.
He reflects him so much and so and they both, they
reflect Jesus.
Rebecca: That's so cool.
But I think you just tapped on something really important for
people who are listening, which is that you can't look for
people or marriage to be like this band-aid solution to fix
your brokenness.
You have to get that identity and that healing from God.
And try to be in the most whole, I mean, the healing journey
never ends.
It's like an onion keep peeling layers, but you wanna get that
and as much healing as you can before entering a marriage and
you went through that process.
Brittni: Yeah, absolutely.
I mean what that looked like for me it was like I couldn't even--
'cause I was making $11 an hour.
I couldn't afford social media or anything like that, you know,
internet access, so I didn't even really have internet
access, except for when I was at home, but when I was at home, I
was just listening to sermons and I was praying, waking up
like four hours before I had to go to work so that I could get a
little jog in and worship and pray and read my Bible and then
I would go on fast all the time because, you know, that's what I
was learning in church-- we fast.
So everything I was learning, I was just eating it all up and
just trying everything, you know.
And I was just so hungry for God that he filled me and he started
healing me.
I mean, he miraculously healed me of my drug addiction one day.
He told me, he told me to go flush my drugs down the toilet
and at this point I had pills and I'm like,
okay, like fighting him.
I don't wanna get sick, you know, and he's like, go flush
them down the toilet.
So I flushed all but four and I run back to my bed to read my
Bible like I'm so victorious.
I flushed all but four and the Holy Spirit's like, Brittni,
flush all your drugs down the toilet.
You don't need them.
I'm like, but God, you don't understand.
I'm gonna get sick and like he's like, you're not gonna get sick,
flush them down the toilet.
And I was like, okay.
And then like I had the mustard seed of faith, but then the
doubt in me was like I guess I could go to the doctor if I get
sick, you know, like, but I'm like I'm gonna be obedient.
So I went and flushed them down the toilet and the next, like I
went through the day felt fine.
The next morning I woke up expecting to not feel well
because for seven years I was on drugs and every time I couldn't
get a hold of drugs I was sick.
So I expected and I'm like I actually don't feel bad at all
like this is weird.
And I remember taking my little dog out for a walk and the sun
is shining and I'm just like I get down on my knees and I out
in the complex that I was living in, this was before I got robbed
and I'm like thank you Jesus, like thank you.
I'm healed.
I'm free.
Like, I don't feel any pain in my body, like--
Rebecca: Oh my gosh. What a miracle.
It's just so cool hearing how God like met you where you were
at and discipled you and it's just, it just goes to show it
doesn't matter what you've done, how far you've gone, God will
meet you where you're at and he will lead you into that path,
that abundant life, that path of righteousness and you've done
that and now you've been saved how many years?
Brittni: Thirteen years.
Rebecca: And you've been--and what was it like going
into ministry?
Brittni: I mean, I don't think I ever intended to like go
into ministry.
I just love Jesus, so I would tell everybody, even when I was
working at the little limousine company, I'd minister to all the
homeless people on my lunch break.
I just want everybody to know about Jesus because a life
without Jesus is the worst life ever.
Like how do you get through mental illness without Jesus?
How do you get through sleepless nights without Jesus?
How do you get through heartbreak and loss
without Jesus?
Like how?
And so I just want everyone to know about Jesus.
So it was like I just kind of stumbled into it, you know, like
people found out about my testimony 'cause I had shared it
for one organization that I was close with because they
ministered to me when I was in the industry.
So they shared my testimony, it went viral and then from there,
ABC's the View called and Fox News and just all these, you
know, it just, I never went intentionally looking for it
and then--
Rebecca: God opened those doors.
Brittni: Yeah, and then in 2020 we thought, you know, my husband
and I thought we should really try and like, you know, be
proactive in helping addicts because we're getting our DMs
and emails are flooded with people that are struggling with
porn and then we're getting women reaching out and yet like
we don't, we can't fund this on our own, like we need the
support of generous donations and like how can we do that?
We don't even have a ministry.
So we created a 501c3, lovealwaysministries.com so that
we could be a help to people.
And we're gonna start soon raising money to go back to the
porn conventions, which we, I used to do with
another ministry.
And we just hand out thousands of Bibles and we talk to
thousands of people about Jesus and these people that are at the
conventions are people that are addicted to pornography.
So and then they're coming to see their favorite porn stars so
we get to minister to both and.
So, that's one thing that we're working on right now that we're
really excited about.
Yeah, so I wouldn't say, I don't know how to answer
your question.
I don't--I didn't get into ministry, just kind of stumble--
I kind of stumbled into it.
Rebecca: But you were happy to do it.
You were like 'cause some people are like, oh, I don't want to,
you know, they'll fill the call but they might resist, but you
were just happy to continue to do what you were already doing.
Brittni: Like let me just tell people about you Jesus because
you changed my life and how many other people's lives can you
change if people would just know about you and like I think that
real conviction came from too because my whole life like I
don't recall anybody ever telling me about Jesus.
Rebecca: Oh wow, so you have that burden.
Brittni: Yeah, I remember one time like I was in the industry
and it was after I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior and
I saw a nun in the bathroom at an airport and I'm like, oh
cool, like I'm next to like her.
She's like a really holy person, you know, like I don't know all
my little thoughts about her.
I'm like, wow, this is cool.
I'm next to a nun.
And I look at her and I'm like, hi.
And she just like stared at me with like a look of disgust
probably 'cause I had a very low cut top on and stuff and I
was like, wow, when I got healed and really started walking with
God, that memory like burned into my soul.
Don't ever be like that.
If somebody gives you a smile, I don't care what they look like,
like you love on them, you celebrate them because you never
know what they're going through.
Whether they're dressed provocatively, like, you love
on them.
Because that made me feel horrible, like, oh yeah, I'm not
good enough to be a religious woman, you know.
Rebecca: Yeah, and that's not even what the gospel is.
Brittni: Exactly.
Rebecca: How important was your relationship with God just
bringing you through and sustaining you even today?
Brittni: Extremely important.
Rebecca: How did you know how to have one 'cause sometimes
they don't teach that in church.
Brittni: They don't.
So this is, I mean, I did have a really great discipleship
program that I went through at church, but here's how I
discovered a relationship with God.
When I went to church for the first time, I felt God's
presence so thick that I was like, I remember telling one of
the leaders, I don't know what that was, but I have goosebumps
all over my body.
It feels so good.
I was like, what is this?
And he laughed just like you did.
And he's like, that's God's presence.
I'm like, I want this every day.
So I was like, okay.
Rebecca: Better than any drug.
Brittni: Yes, it is better than any drug.
God's presence is better than any drug.
So--what--at church they do a praise song and then like a few
praise songs and then they worship and then the pastor
comes up to pray and then he preaches the message.
So I did that at home.
I would start with a praise song and then I would do a worship
song and then I would pray and then I would read my Bible.
I just copied what the church did.
Rebecca: Oh, my goodness.
That is so funny.
But yeah, you said it was just so important for everything.
Well, I mean this is in such an incredible story.
I, you know, as a mom with kids, you know, one of my questions is
how--because now that porn is so prevalent and kids are getting
exposed to it so young, what is your advice on how parents can
handle that with their kids?
Brittni: Parents need to have the conversations with their
children before they even stumble into porn.
I shared a book that I read earlier today, "Good Pictures,
Bad Pictures."
They have one for ages, I think it goes up to five and then
there's one for older kids.
And so my kids are both under five, so I've read it to my
first daughter.
I read it to her when she was about four and basically what it
teaches is that if anybody ever shows you a picture that there
are good pictures that talks about, there's pictures of good
flowers and, you know, family photos.
These are good pictures.
But if somebody ever comes to you and they show you a photo
and the person is wearing less than they would wear at the
beach, that's not a good picture and you turn away and you go
immediately tell an adult about it.
And you let them know you're not in any trouble whatsoever.
Like this is not, you know, you're not in trouble.
It's okay that you saw this photo, but let's talk about it,
you know.
And so that was a really great starting point for my daughter.
And then, you know, we just have age appropriate conversations
with her all the time because unfortunately, kids are seeing
pornography as young as the age of 8-years-old nowadays.
Rebecca: How do you describe it to a kid 'cause you don't want
to like, you don't wanna like set it's so hard 'cause you
don't wanna open that.
You have to give them a heads up, but you don't wanna be
like too.
Brittni: No, yeah, you don't want to ruin their purity.
You don't want, you don't wanna speak anything into them that
they don't already know.
And so like I think the conversation that I had with my
daughter, I feel like that's very appropriate just letting
her know, you know, people out there sometimes there's photos
of people that aren't wearing clothes, those are not good
pictures and you immediately tell an adult.
But then you can just kind of like it's through having, you
having a good relationship with your children, conversations.
Your children, they love you.
When you have a good relationship with them, they
trust you.
They want to share things with you.
Our friends that used to run Moral Revolution, there's
someone out there now, they have older boys and they would tell
their kids as they started getting older, "Hey, if you guys
ever even hear any word that you don't know, like come to us,
we'll tell you what it is.
Just don't go to your friends, but we'll talk to you about it."
You know, and so yeah, one time their kids came and asked them
something about oral se-- "Hey, someone said this, it was an
inappropriate term.
What does that mean?"
And they're like, okay, we're going there, you know, but just
always having that door open to your children.
Like my daughter, she's 5-years-old and she comes home
and goes, "Mom, there's a kid at my school and he's
saying words."
And I'm like, what?
What do you mean he's saying words?
She goes, and then she said the word and it was the F word and I
was like.
She's like, I one time I heard the movie or I heard it in a
movie and you said, "Turn that off right now."
So I knew it was a bad word, but I needed to tell you and I'm
like, thank you so much for telling me, you know, we're
gonna talk to your teacher.
So just having a good relationship with your children
and letting them know that they can tell you anything that you
are their safe space.
That you're not gonna get weird.
That you might get a little shocked, but try your best to
take a deep breath because your children, they need a safe space
to turn to.
They need to know that if they have questions they can turn to
you because otherwise, who are they gonna turn to?
Their friends who know, you know, who don't know much, you
know, and are gonna guide them in the wrong direction.
Rebecca: Porn is such an epidemic in the world and in
the church.
What would you say to someone who's in that bondage?
Brittni: Yeah, if you are struggling with pornography, the
best thing that you can do is really first and foremost
get open.
Just knowing the statistics can make you feel like you are not
alone because you're not alone.
Statistics say that 70% of men in church watch porn, 30% of
women in church watch porn, and 50% of pastors and leaders in
church watch pornography.
And so just knowing that, know that you're not alone, know that
so many other people are struggling, but you need to find
somebody that you can open up to because you can't do this alone.
You need accountability.
I know so many people that have reached out to our ministry
they've been just trying to do it alone and they just keep
falling back into it.
You can't.
You need someone you can put accountability software.
Also, the statistics say from Lifeway Church that pornography
use goes down 61% by reading your Bible every single day.
Most people that struggle with pornography, the first question
I always ask is, "Do you read your Bible?"
"Well, no, but I go to church."
But that's not enough.
Like you need to feed your spirit.
You wouldn't go that many days without feeding your body.
So why do you go that long without feeding your spirit.
Of course, you're starving and so now you're being driven by
your flesh because you're not feeding your spirit.
And so you've gotta, you gotta get into the Word of God, you
got to get open, and then feed your mind.
Like really watch what you're watching, like pay attention to
what you're listening to, pay attention to what
you're watching.
You know, I like to eat healthy and I notice that when there's
times that I'm eating unhealthy, what do I do?
Go to YouTube and I watch all the health food channels.
Why?
'Cause I wanna remind myself of why I'm fighting for health.
I wanna remind myself of the good food.
But if all you do is watch movies that have sex scenes and
you listen to this rap music that talks about sex, and then,
you know, no wonder you wanna watch pornography.
You have to be really, really intentional about what you
listen to, especially when you're trying to get free
from porn.
Rebecca: And your ministry, it helps with that.
And also you help--you, like, help mentor women and people who
are trying to come out of the industry too.
Brittni: Yeah, yeah, I do.
So yeah, our website lovealwaysministries.com has
resources available.
We have books and courses.
We also have free resources.
We have two different podcasts that are listed on there.
We also have a blog that we just launched, so like we have, you
know, free resources available as well if people can't afford,
like you can still get help, you can still get treatment.
And then for women that want to leave the sex industry, we have
a page on our site, so I've had so many women fill out the forms
and I personally come alongside them and I mentor them.
Rebecca: If you know someone is just so deep in shame, whether
they're in the industry, maybe they have OnlyFans 'cause that's
a huge thing going on now.
It's just, everything's become so accessible even more.
What was your, what do you think, you know, they're
thinking they're ashamed, they're hurt, they're broken,
and they're thinking, I don't even know what God
would ever say to me.
What do you think Jesus would say to those people based off
your own experiences?
Brittni: Yeah, I know that Jesus would tell them that no
matter the mistakes they've made, no matter how much they've
sinned, he has never stopped loving them.
And that when they get sick and tired of the weight of their
sin, he has his arms open wide for them to come running to him
and he will never shut the door on them.
And he's not looking for anybody perfect.
He's looking for someone with a heart of repentance.
And so when your sin is weighing you down.
I love that the Scripture says, come, Jesus says, "Come to me
all of you who are weak and weary and burdened and I will
give you rest.
He also says that he is living water.
And so if you feel drained, if you feel depleted, Jesus is your
place of rest and he's your place of nourishment.
And so he's the best place to turn to and he's never, I don't
care what you've heard, he has never turned his back on you.
Rebecca: Yeah, and you can go to him and like we were talking
about having a relationship you can pray, you can open the Word,
get involved in a church and praying is just talking to God
worship music is great and just filling your life up with him
and just opening yourself up and letting God be your Father and
letting Jesus be your Lord and your best friend and he will
heal your heart as you draw closer to him.
For everyone who's listening, could you just say a prayer for
those people that are like, I want to come back to God.
I want to break out of this, just those people that have that
burning as they're listening to this podcast.
Brittni: So good.
Father, we come before you in the name of Jesus and I thank
you, Lord, for every listener, especially those who are feeling
conviction today, God.
Conviction is really just an invitation from you to come home
to you, Lord.
And so I just pray that over them right now.
I pray God that as they listen to this prayer that they just
repent of their sins, Lord God, and that they return home
to you.
I pray God that you would give them a hunger and a thirst for
your presence and for righteousness.
I pray God that they wouldn't go one day without seeking you,
Lord, I pray that you would fill them up to overflow God.
I pray that you would restore to them their joy, that your love
and your kindness would lead them to just such a place of
repentance, God, that whatever they may be battling with today
will be a thing of the past, Lord God.
May you surround them with angels, uplift them, heal their
hearts, God, heal their mind, heal them of any and all trauma,
Lord, and let them find everything that they are
searching for in you.
I thank you, God, that you promise that you'll never leave
us nor forsake us.
So I thank you that you are with them right here in this
moment, Lord.
We love you so much and we give you all the honor, Lord.
In Jesus's name we pray, amen.
Rebecca: Amen.
I mean, what a great word, what a great prayer, and I really
feel God's presence.
And so, you know, if you said that prayer, I just feel like
there are people who are watching God's just
calling them.
There's people listening.
He's drawing them and so don't ignore the Holy Spirit wooing
you today just like Brittni was obedient to God.
Be obedient.
His arms are open wide for you.
There's no shame.
There's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
So he's beckoning you forward and so my encouragement is to
just open your heart and surrender your life to him.
And you know, you can comment, you can reach out to us, we can
get you connected.
Brittni will have your ministry linked as well 'cause you help
with these people in those situations.
Wherever where you're at, you're not beyond hope, you know, God
loves you and I feel his love and so he's calling to
you today.
So just be encouraged and open your heart to him.
Brittni, thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for just letting Jesus shine through you, for you just
being honest and vulnerable.
The church needs more of that and you're just such a breath of
fresh air.
I just really appreciate you.
Brittni: Thank you, it's such a gift
to be here with you today, truly.