>> WELL, WELCOME BACK, JENNY.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU BACK HERE
ON OUR NEW SET.
>> YES, I LOVE IT.
>> OKAY.
SO SHARE YOUR HEART WITH US,
WHAT HAS GOD BEEN SPEAKING TO YOU?
WHAT HAS HE PUT ON YOUR HEART?
>> YEAH.
SO THERE IS THIS INCREDIBLE REVELATION
THAT GOD IS UNFOLDING AS WE SPEAK.
BUT IT STARTED WITH A DREAM THAT I HAD
JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.
AND THIS IS A CRAZY DREAM.
I'M JUST GOING TO WARN YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE RIGHT NOW.
AND IT PROBABLY FEELS MORE CRAZY BECAUSE IT WAS ME
IN THE DREAM EXPERIENCING THIS.
BUT BASICALLY IN THE DREAM MY FIVE KIDS ARE
STANDING IN FRONT OF ME.
AND I AM SAYING TO THEM,
HEY, YOU NEED TO SHOW ME LOVE.
AND THEY'RE JUST INDIFFERENT,
TOTALLY APATHETIC.
AND I'M LIKE, HEY, YOU GUYS NEED TO SHOW ME
HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THEY BECOME MORE INDIFFERENT,
MORE APATHETIC, AND THEY START LOOKING
ALMOST LIKE PLASTIC,
LIKE, THEY'RE NOT TALKING,
THEY'RE NOT MOVING.
AND THEY START KIND OF PULLING AWAY FROM ME.
THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY ROUGH.
I BECOME SO INCREDIBLY DESPERATE FOR THEIR LOVE,
LIKE A DRUG ADDICT IN A DUMPSTER
LOOKING FOR A NEEDLE.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN DESCRIBE IT.
AND THIS THING ROLLS UP INSIDE OF ME
LIKE I CAN'T LIVE
ONE MORE MOMENT WITHOUT YOUR LOVE.
AND IT WAS LIKE AN UNEXPLAINABLE, RAVISHING,
I HAVE TO HAVE A HIT.
OKAY.
THEN IN THE DREAM I BECOME VIOLENT.
NOW, IF SOMEBODY'S JUST JUMPING IN THIS PODCAST,
PLEASE KNOW THAT THIS IS A DREAM.
IN CASE YOU JUMPED IN RIGHT THIS MOMENT
BECAUSE IN THE DREAM,
I ACTUALLY GRABBED THE BACK OF THE HAIR
OF MY OLDEST AND BECOME VIOLENT.
AND I LOOK OVER,
THERE'S A WOMAN SITTING AT A TABLE,
AND SHE'S TOTALLY CALM, TOTALLY PEACEFUL.
SHE'S SITTING DOWN AND SHE'S OBSERVING
THIS WHOLE SCENE.
AND SHE SAYS TO ME,
OH, I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD TO HAVE ALCOHOL
TO MAKE ME HAPPY.
AND I WAKE UP FROM THE DREAM.
THE FIRST THING I SAY OUT OF MY MOUTH IS,
GOD, I AM SO SORRY,
BECAUSE I IMMEDIATELY KNOW
THAT HE'S ADDRESSING IDOLS.
JUST LIKE SOMEBODY MIGHT HAVE THE IDOL OF ALCOHOL,
OR WE WOULD CALL IT ADDICTION, WHATEVER.
BUT IN THE DREAM HE IS ADDRESSING THIS,
I MUST HAVE X, Y, Z, IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY.
>> YEAH.
>> SO I SAY TO GOD, I'M SO SORRY.
>> SO YOU FELT CONVICTION, LIKE IT WAS FOR YOU PERSONALLY?
>> WELL, IT WAS SO EMOTIONALLY INTENSE
AND IT FELT SO REAL
>> YEAH.
>> THAT THE ONLY RESPONSE I HAD WAS, I'M SORRY.
AND IF THIS IS ME, IF THIS DREAM IS ABOUT ME,
I AM SO SORRY.
SO THEN I GO TO MY LIVING ROOM TO PRAY IN THE MORNING.
SO I GOT UP, I GO SIT DOWN.
BUT I CAN'T MOVE ON.
LIKE THIS DREAM IS SO SHOCKING.
AND I'M SO SHOOK THAT I SAID, OKAY, GOD,
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS DREAM.
AND HE SAYS TO ME, JENNY,
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE MANDATES ON MY LIFE
IS TO HELP AMERICA RECOVER THE FAMILY, RIGHT.
AND HE SAYS, JENNY,
IF THE CHURCH IS GOING TO FIGHT FOR FAMILY,
THEN FAMILY CANNOT BE AN IDOL.
THAT'S LIKE STEP NUMBER ONE.
BECAUSE WHEN FAMILY IS AN IDOL,
WHEN CHILDREN ARE AN IDOL,
WHEN MARRIAGE IS AN IDOL,
YOU OPEN THE DOOR, THE ACCESS, TO THE ENEMY.
AND PART OF THE ATTACK ON THE FAMILY
THAT WE'RE EXPERIENCING ALL ACROSS AMERICA,
WHETHER IT'S CHRISTIANS OR NON-CHRISTIANS,
IN PART IS BECAUSE OF THE IDOLATRY
AROUND FAMILY.
SO THEN I SAID, OKAY.
AND THEN HE REMINDED ME,
I WOKE UP IN NEW YORK CITY
A COUPLE MONTHS AGO, BEFORE I COULD FULLY GET AWAKE
BECAUSE GOD LIKES TO SPEAK TO ME
BEFORE I CAN REALLY THINK.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW, SO IT'S JUST HIM.
AND HE SAID TO ME,
JENNY, AN IDOL IS ANYTHING YOU RELY ON
TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
>> WOW.
>> SO HE REMINDED ME OF THAT
BECAUSE I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT.
AND I SAID, OKAY, I'M STARTING TO CATCH THIS.
AND HE SAID WHEN PARENTS NEED THEIR CHILDREN'S LOVE SO BAD
AND THEY MUST HAVE IT IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY,
AND IF THEY DON'T HAVE THEIR CHILDREN'S AFFIRMATION,
IF THEY DON'T HAVE THIS RECIPROCATED LOVE,
LIKE I'VE LOVED YOU.
I PAY FOR YOU.
I DO THIS FOR YOU.
YOU OWE ME LOVE.
HE SAID THAT'S IDOLATRY.
OKAY.
SO I SAT WITH THAT THAT DAY AND THOUGHT,
OKAY, THIS IS A KEY
TO THE NATION.
CERTAINLY A KEY FOR ME.
SO I BEGAN UNPACKING IDOLS A LITTLE BIT MORE.
AND YOU CAN INTERRUPT ME AND ASK ME A QUESTION
ANY TIME.
I'M JUST ROLLING HERE.
>> NO, GO.
>> OKAY.
SO THE NEXT THING THAT HAPPENED WAS
OF COURSE, I'M THINKING ABOUT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
EXODUS 20, THE FIRST ONE,
YOU WILL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME.
IT'S NOT BECAUSE GOD IS THIS EGOTISTICAL, LIKE
YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME ONLY AND I AM THE BEST.
YOU KNOW, HE IS THE BEST, BUT IT'S BECAUSE
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE ACTUALLY SET UP
TO PROTECT US FROM THE ENEMY
AND KEEP US ON THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,
THE PATH OF -- THE PATH OF LIGHT.
THE PATH OF DESTINY.
SO, IT IS -- IT'S THE FIRST COMMANDMENT.
YOU WILL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME.
SO THEN I START THINKING ABOUT, WAIT A MINUTE,
THIS IS WHAT ABRAHAM FACED, RIGHT?
HERE WE HAVE THIS GUY WHO FOR DECADES
HAD TO BELIEVE GOD
THAT HE WOULD HAVE A SON, RIGHT,
AND ALL HE'S WANTING TO DO IS
BELIEVE GOD FOR DECADES.
HIS WIFE IS NOW OLD, BEYOND CHILDBEARING YEARS
AND GOD IS LIKE, I'M NOT ONLY GOING TO GIVE YOU A SON,
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE DESCENDANTS THAT WILL
NUMBER THE SANDS OF THE SEASHORE,
THE STARS IN THE SKY.
LIKE, THIS CRAZY PROMISE.
AND HERE'S ABRAHAM JUST OBEYING GOD SAYING,
OKAY, I BELIEVE YOU, YOU KNOW.
AND HE GOES THE ACHES AND PAINS
OF BELIEVING AND NOT RECEIVING AND ALL THE THINGS.
HE FINALLY GETS HIS SON ISAAC, AND THEN
IN GENESIS 22 IT SAYS,
AFTER A WHILE,
THEY SAY THAT ISAAC WAS MAYBE 12 OR 13 YEARS OLD,
LONG ENOUGH TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROMISE.
LONG ENOUGH TO SAY THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.
IN FACT, IT SAYS, ISAAC, YOUR ONLY SON,
THE ONE YOU LOVE,
I WANT YOU TO SACRIFICE.
SO ISN'T IT CRAZY THAT GOD CALLS US TO BELIEVE HIM
FOR FAMILY, FOR WHATEVER, FOR THE BLESSING.
AND THEN AFTER SOME TIME
HE WANTS IT BACK.
AND SO HERE'S ABRAHAM BEING OBEDIENT,
GOES TO THE TOP OF THIS MOUNTAIN.
ISAAC IS LIKE, WHERE'S THE SACRIFICE, DAD?
YOU KNOW, AND HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT'S HIM.
ABRAHAM LAYS HIM ON THE ALTAR, RAISES THE KNIFE,
AND THE ANGEL OF THE LORD SAYS, STOP.
NOW WE KNOW THAT YOU FEAR THE LORD.
AND HERE'S WHAT'S SO SPECIAL.
IF YOU READ ON AT THE END OF GENESIS 22,
IT SAYS NOW THAT WE KNOW THAT YOU FEAR THE LORD,
WE'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU A NATION.
>> YEAH.
>> WE'RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR DESCENDANTS SO GREAT
THAT THEY NUMBER THE SANDS OF THE SEASHORE,
THE STARS OF THE SKY.
AND IT WAS LIKE WE CAN'T MULTIPLY YOUR LIFE
UNTIL YOU HAND OVER THE VERY THING THAT YOU BELIEVED FOR.
SO GOD BEGAN TO SPEAK TO ME ABOUT IDOLATRY.
AND I LOOKED UP SOME SCRIPTURES
AND THIS ONE REALLY HIT ME HARD,
AND IT'S PSALM -- I'M GOING TO READ THIS.
IT'S PSALM 115, VERSE 4 THROUGH 8.
OKAY. SO LISTEN TO THIS.
BUT THEIR IDOLS ARE SILVER AND GOLD
MADE BY HUMAN HANDS.
SO WE THINK OF IDOLS AS OBJECTS, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> SILVER AND GOLD. BUT THEY HAVE MOUTHS,
BUT CANNOT SPEAK.
EYES, BUT CANNOT SEE.
THEY HAVE EARS, BUT CANNOT HEAR.
NOSES, BUT CANNOT SMELL.
THEY HAVE HANDS, BUT CANNOT FEEL.
FEET, BUT CANNOT WALK.
NOR CAN THEY UTTER A SOUND WITH THEIR THROATS.
AND HERE'S THE WHOLE THING
THAT I WANT TO POINT OUT.
THOSE WHO MAKE THEM WILL BE LIKE THEM,
AND SO WILL ALL WHO TRUST IN THEM.
OKAY.
HOLD ON.
SO IF WE MAKE AN IDOL OR WE TRUST IN AN IDOL,
WE WILL BECOME LIKE THE IDOL
THAT WAS JUST DESCRIBED.
A MOUTH CANNOT SPEAK.
WE HAVE EYES BUT WE CAN'T SEE.
WE HAVE EARS, BUT WE CAN'T HEAR.
WE HAVE HANDS, BUT WE CAN'T FEEL.
AND THE LORD STARTED SHARING WITH ME
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE IDOLS IS,
YOU BECOME SPIRITUALLY NUMB.
YOU HAVE EARS, BUT YOU CAN'T HEAR.
YOU HAVE A MOUTH BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN PRAISE GOD
WITH IT ANYMORE.
YOU HAVE FEET, BUT YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY WALK WITH ME.
BECAUSE WHEN WE HAVE IDOLS,
WE BECOME NEUTRALIZED IN OUR SPIRITUALITY.
AND IF WE TAKE ON THAT IN OUR SPIRIT,
OUR BODY STARTS TAKING THAT ON.
I REALLY BELIEVE, AND THIS IS NO CONDEMNATION,
AND THIS IS NOT A FORMULA,
BUT COULD IT BE THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE A CRIPPLED BODY
BECAUSE OF IDOLS?
BECAUSE OF THE INABILITY TO WALK,
THE INABILITY TO HEAR, THE INABILITY TO SEE.
I KNOW THAT FOR ME IN MY LIFE,
THERE'S BEEN TIMES WHERE I STEP INTO A ROOM
AND THERE'S A WORSHIP SETTING GOING ON
AND EVERYBODY'S ON FIRE,
AND I FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T CATCH THAT WAVE.
GOD, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?
AND HE'S LIKE, YOU'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY
WORKING ON SOMETHING, RIGHT, THAT HE GAVE ME.
>> YEAH.
>> AND THAT I THINK IS THE TRICKY PART, REBECCA.
HOW DO WE KNOW IF WHAT GOD GAVE US
HAS BECOME AN IDOL?
>> HOW?
>> SO THIS IS WHAT HE'S BEEN UNPACKING.
I'M SURE THERE'S GOING TO BE MORE TO THIS,
BUT IDOLS,
LET'S TALK ABOUT IT IN THE SPIRITUAL SENSE.
IDOLS ARE ATTACHED TO ALTARS
SO WE ARE MOBILE ALTARS.
WHEN WE WORSHIP AND PRAISE GOD,
WE'RE BUILDING A HOLY FIRE
BECAUSE WE'RE WORSHIPPING GOD.
SO WHEN WE WORSHIP
WE'RE BUILDING AN ALTAR, AND THERE'S POWER, RIGHT?
WHEN WE WORSHIP YOU CAN FEEL THE POWER OF GOD.
YOU CAN FEEL THE RISING UP OF THE SPIRIT.
WELL, WHEN WE WORSHIP IDOLS,
WE ACTUALLY POWER UP A DEMONIC ALTAR
ON THE INSIDE OF US AND IT'S WHAT
THE ENEMY USES IN US TO HAVE POWER.
>> TO GAIN ACCESS.
>> TO GAIN ACCESS TO US AND ACTUALLY GET POWER
FROM US.
NOBODY LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST WOKE UP TODAY
AND SAID, I WANT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO HELP
THE ENEMY RUIN MY LIFE.
>> YEAH.
>> NOBODY SAID THAT.
BUT I BELIEVE THAT THIS IS ONE OF THE KEYS
TO US GIVING -- GIVING THE ENEMY ACCESS,
IS WHEN WE GET OUR EYES ON SOMETHING
AND IT'S HIGHER THAN THE LORD.
HOW DO WE KNOW?
IDOLS CAUSE US TO BE SLAVES.
>> YEAH.
>> SO THE LORD SHOWED ME THIS BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WE HAVE MINISTRIES.
YOU HAVE A MINISTRY.
WE HAVE FAMILIES.
WE HAVE ALL THESE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT
GOD ASKED US TO DO.
AND THE LORD SAID TO ME,
JENNY, THE DIFFERENCES,
STEWARDSHIP VERSUS SLAVERY.
WHEN YOU BECOME A SLAVE TO THE THING I GAVE YOU
AND YOU'VE LOST YOUR AUTHORITY IN IT,
YOU HAVE FEAR IN IT,
LIKE FEAR OF HOW YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO TURN OUT,
OR FEAR THAT YOU DIDN'T DO A GOOD-ENOUGH JOB,
OR FEAR THAT YOU WON'T BE ENOUGH FOR THEM AS A MOM,
AND SO YOU CATER TO THEM,
YOU -- I HAVE A LIST HERE OF THINGS THAT
MOMS MIGHT BE DOING TO ACTUALLY IDENTIFY,
OKAY, YOUR KIDS MIGHT BE AN IDOL IF...
WE CAN GO OVER THAT LIST IF YOU WANT.
>> YEAH. GO FOR IT.
>> OKAY. SO, IDOLS WILL ALWAYS HAVE AN ELEMENT OF FEAR
BECAUSE REMEMBER WHATEVER WE IDOLIZE, WE SERVE.
IT BECOMES OUR MASTER.
NO LONGER IS GOD THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS.
WE HAVE TO CONSULT OUR IDOLS WHEN WE MAKE DECISIONS.
AND SO I KNOW AS A MOM,
ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS FOR ME TO DO
IS ALLOW MY KIDS TO EXPERIENCE PAIN.
SO, THAT'S A SIGN THAT I HAVE AN IDOL.
OKAY.
NOW, TO KIND OF REVERSE-ENGINEER THIS
A LITTLE BIT.
WHERE DO IDOLS COME FROM?
SO I JUST ANSWERED THE QUESTION LIKE,
HOW DO WE KNOW IF IT'S AN IDOL.
IT'S FEAR, YOU'RE KIND OF IN BONDAGE TO IT.
YOU HAVE TO SERVE IT BECAUSE IDOLS HAVE TO BE FED.
OKAY, THEY HAVE TO BE FED.
THEY HAVE TO BE SERVED AND THEY BECOME YOUR MASTER.
AND THERE'S AN OBLIGATION THAT COMES WITH IDOLS.
IF YOU'VE LOST THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD AND YOUR KIDS
KIND OF FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ENSLAVED TO IT,
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'VE BECOME AN IDOL.
BUT IDOLS, THE REASON WE GRAB THEM
IS BECAUSE THEY COME AS A SOURCE
OF COMFORT, COUNTERFEIT COMFORT
FROM UNRESOLVED TRAUMA.
SO WHEN WE HAVE UNRESOLVED TRAUMA,
WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO COMFORT US IMMEDIATELY.
SO IT WOULD BE LIKE I'M SO THIRSTY.
I'M SO THIRSTY.
I JUST GRAB A COKE AND I DRINK IT, AND INITIALLY,
I'M LIKE, OH, THAT MADE ME FEEL BETTER.
TEN MINUTES LATER,
I'M MORE DEHYDRATED THAN I WAS BEFORE.
SO IT'S THE GRABBING OF SOMETHING TO EASE PAIN.
>> THAT'S COUNTERFEIT.
SO OUR IDOLS WILL SHOW UP
WHEN WE HAVE A TRAUMA THAT JESUS NEEDS INVITED INTO,
AND HE HASN'T YET BECOME THE ONE WE WORSHIP
TO EASE THE PAIN.
EXAMPLE: MY PARENTS WERE SAVED
IN THE JESUS MOVEMENT.
THEY BROUGHT ME TO THE LORD, BUT AT FIVE YEARS OLD,
THEY SPLIT UP.
SEVEN YEARS OLD, GOT A DIVORCE.
AND THEN REMARRIED, DIVORCED,
REMARRIED, DIVORCED MULTIPLE TIMES.
I'M ALL OVER THE PLACE.
OKAY, SO I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY THAT LIVES
UNDER ONE ROOF.
I GET ON AN AIRPLANE.
I FLY TO SEE MY DAD AT EIGHT YEARS OLD,
NINE YEARS OLD, TEN YEARS OLD.
WHEN I HAVE KIDS, REBECCA,
NOW, THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY DEMONIC.
MY FIRST DAUGHTER, I HOLD HER,
AND MY FIRST THOUGHT IS I WOULD DIE FOR YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
YOU'RE THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
MY SECOND THOUGHT IS I WONDER IF
SHE'S DISAPPOINTED IT'S ME?
>> WOW.
>> I WONDER IF SHE'LL WANT TO LEAVE ME ONE DAY.
>> WOW.
>> I REMEMBER HAVING SO MUCH FEAR
THAT SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT I WAS HER MOM.
AND THEN ALL OF THAT CREPT UP BECAUSE I DIDN'T DEAL
WITH IT HEAD-ON.
AND I HAVE NOW THREE KIDS AT THE TIME,
AND I FEEL LIKE I AM FAILING,
AND THE VISION I SEE,
IS MY KIDS BEING SCATTERED AND WE'RE GOING TO BE
ONE OF THOSE FAMILIES THAT DON'T ENJOY EACH OTHER,
DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER.
AND IT'S KIND OF LIKE SHORT-LIVED
UNTIL THEY'RE 18, TYPE OF THING.
AND I'M SO TRAPPED IN THAT FEAR.
SO THE MORE FEAR I HAD,
THE MORE IT REINFORCED THE IDOLATRY I HAD ON MY KIDS.
AND THEN I HAD FEAR AROUND SERVING THEM.
NOW THE WAY I HAD TO RENOUNCE THAT IDOL,
BUT I ALSO HAD TO GET THE TRUTH.
AND GOD WAS LIKE, I DON'T MAKE MISTAKES.
YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD MOM.
>> YEAH.
>> AND I HAD TO REINFORCE THE TRUTH IN ME,
AND THAT'S A CONVERSATION FOR ANOTHER DAY.
BUT IDOLS COME BECAUSE OF UNRESOLVED TRAUMA.
SO IF SOMEBODY SAYS, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DO IDOLIZE MY HEALTH,
LIKE IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO ME
THAN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
THE FIRST THING IS, YOU HAVE TO CONFESS IT.
YOU HAVE TO -- YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT, RIGHT?
THEN YOU HAVE TO ASK GOD THE QUESTION,
WHAT PAIN IS THAT ASSOCIATED WITH?
SO I HAD AN EATING DISORDER WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT I WAS FAT
WHEN I WASN'T.
I DIDN'T KNOW AT THE TIME.
I DO NOW, BECAUSE MY DAD, AND I LOVE MY DAD,
BUT HE NEVER TOLD ME ONCE THAT I WAS BEAUTIFUL
AS A LITTLE GIRL THAT I REMEMBER.
AND I REMEMBER HIM MAKING COMMENTS
ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WERE OVERWEIGHT.
I HAD MAJOR FEAR THAT I WOULDN'T BE LOVED
>> YEAH.
>> IF I WAS OVERWEIGHT.
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH DRESS SIZE.
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH LIKE, LOVING EXERCISE.
>> ALMOST LIKE THE REASON WHY YOU'RE STRUGGLING
WITH YOUR FAMILY BEFORE YOU ADDRESSED THAT TRAUMA,
WAS YOU DID NOT WANT TO HAVE YOUR KIDS BE RAISED
IN A SITUATION LIKE YOU WERE RAISED IN.
YOU DIDN'T WANT YOUR FAMILY TO BE SCATTERED
LIKE YOUR FAMILY WAS SCATTERED.
>> YEAH.
I WAS CONSTANTLY IN FEAR I WAS DOING IT WRONG.
>> SO THE TRICKY THING ABOUT THIS AND THAT'S WHY
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT,
IS IT CAN BE A GOOD THING THAT YOU WANT.
I WANT MY FAMILY TO BE WHOLE.
LIKE ABRAHAM, I WANT A SON.
YOU KNOW, EVEN THE GOD DREAMS AND THE GOD PROMISES
HE GIVES US, BUT WE CAN'T MAKE THEM AN IDOL.
BECAUSE THE MOMENT WE MAKE THEM AN IDOL
AND WE EXALT THEM ABOVE GOD,
WE'RE NOW ENSLAVED TO THOSE THINGS
AND WE'RE LIVING IN FEAR, AND WE LOSE OUR ABILITY
TO BE POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE.
AND NOW WE ARE INEFFECTIVE
AND WE'RE HURTING INSTEAD OF HELPING OUR FAMILIES.
SO FOR PEOPLE, LIKE YOU SAID, THAT MAYBE
THEY'RE LISTENING TO THIS AND THEY'RE THINKING,
OKAY, I HAVE AN IDOL.
HOW DO THEY UNPACK THAT WITH THE LORD?
DO THEY ASK, OKAY, GOD,
WHERE DID THIS --
WHERE IS THIS STEMMING FROM?
AND HOW DO THEY WALK THROUGH THAT?
>> YEP.
ASK WHAT PAIN IS THIS MASKING
AND CONNECTED TO, EXACTLY.
BECAUSE IF YOU GO BACK TO THAT,
WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS GOING THROUGH SUCH HARD STUFF
AND I HADN'T UNDERSTOOD REALLY THAT I HAD AN IDOL
IN MY KIDS,
AND, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST TEENAGER
AND SHE'S A GIRL AND THERE'S HORMONES,
AND SHE'S GOING THROUGH STUFF.
AND I REMEMBER I WAS ON MY SPIN BIKE AND I WAS LIKE,
GOD, I SHOULD'VE TAKEN HER TO THE PARK MORE.
I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS MORE.
I PROBABLY DIDN'T DO THIS.
AND THEN I RAN OUT OF ALL MY EYES AND GOD SAID
IN ONLY THE WAY THAT HE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT,
SAID GET OVER YOURSELF.
AND I WAS LIKE, OH, OKAY.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO HEAR.
>> AND HE SAID, JENNY, ALL OF THIS POINTS TO
WHERE YOU HAVEN'T YET BEEN HEALED.
THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT ABOUT HER.
SHE'S A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAS A DESTINY ON HER LIFE
AND THE DEVIL'S JOB IS TO ATTACK HER.
SHE'S LIKE ANYBODY ELSE WHO LOVES ME,
AND SHE WILL LEARN TO WARFARE.
BUT RIGHT NOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER,
HOW YOU FEEL.
THIS IS ABOUT THE FEAR THAT YOU HAVE
NOT BEEN HEALED FROM FROM YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD.
>> WOW.
>> ALL OF SUDDEN I GOT MY POWER BACK.
BECAUSE I CAN'T CONTROL A 13 YEAR OLD.
BUT I COULD SAY, OKAY,
WHAT PART OF ME, GOD, IS NOT YET HEALED?
AND I HAD TO GO BACK AND FORGIVE MY MOM.
FORGIVE MY DAD AGAIN.
I HAD TO WALK THROUGH THE DENIAL
I WAS IN.
YOU KNOW, I WAS ALWAYS LIKE
OH, ALL THAT PAIN FROM MY CHILDHOOD
JUST MADE ME BETTER.
YOU KNOW, I USED ALL OF THAT TO SAY
IT ALL MADE ME BETTER, MADE ME BETTER.
AND GOD'S LIKE, NO, I ACTUALLY GRIEVED ABOUT IT.
IT ACTUALLY MADE ME CRY TO THINK THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A HOME OF A MOM AND DAD THAT COULD TAKE CARE OF YOU
GROWING UP.
AND I HAD TO GET REAL, REBECCA,
I HAD TO GET REAL WITH MYSELF.
TAKE OFF THE MASK.
AND ACTUALLY CRY FOR ME AS A 13 YEAR OLD
THAT DIDN'T HAVE A DAD.
HE'S LIKE WHAT ABOUT YOU AT 13?
AND SO, YOU KNOW, IT FEELS BETTER
TO BE STRONG AND POWERFUL.
AND THE LORD --
>> BECAUSE YOU CAN CONTROL THAT FIRST MOMENT,
BUT IT WON'T ACTUALLY WORK LONG TERM.
>> YEP.
AND I THINK THAT WHEN WE GO TOWARDS THE PAINFUL THING,
IT FEELS LIKE WE'LL NEVER RECOVER.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL BAD FOR MYSELF.
IT WAS LIKE OH, GOD FORBID,
I'VE BECOME A VICTIM, RIGHT,
BUT GOD WAS LIKE, NO, I NEED YOU TO SEE YOURSELF
AS A 13 YEAR OLD AGAIN AND I WANT TO HEAL
THAT 13 YEAR OLD WHO NEEDED A DAD.
YOU KNOW, GOD'S LIKE I WILL NEVER SAY THAT IT WAS
BETTER FOR YOU NOT TO HAVE A DAD IN THE HOME.
>> YEAH. THAT WASN'T HIS PLAN FOR YOU.
>> EXACTLY.
BUT HE CAN MOVE IN SPITE OF THE BROKENNESS IN OUR LIVES
AND HE CAN RESTORE AND HE CAN HEAL.
BUT WHAT YOU'RE TAPPING ON, I FEEL LIKE THIS IS
LIKE THE THIRD TIME.
IT'S INTERESTING.
I'VE HEARD SOMETHING SIMILAR TO THIS.
MAYBE IN THE LAST WEEK,
I ACTUALLY HEARD A GUY ON ANOTHER PODCAST
TALKING ABOUT THIS VERY THING WHERE WE HAVE TRAUMA
IN OUR LIVES,
IT'S LIKE WE HAVE THIS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP
THAT WE BUILD WITH JESUS.
WE BUILD THIS PLACE OF TRUST, AND THEN IN
THE RIGHT TIMING, KIND OF LIKE AN ONION,
LAYER BY LAYER HE BEGINS TO ADDRESS THESE THINGS.
AND HIS MERCY AND HIS WAY AND HIS TIMING.
AND YOU INVITE GOD INTO THOSE MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE
AND YOU REALIZE AND IT'S LIKE ANY TIME SOMEONE
PRAYS THIS PRAYER,
YOU KNOW, GOD, WHERE WERE YOU?
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
HE WAS THERE WITH YOU IN THOSE PAINFUL MOMENTS
AND HE WAS GRIEVING FOR YOU BECAUSE HE NEVER
WANTED THAT FOR YOU.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> AND WHEN YOU'RE ABLE TO PROCESS IT,
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS LONG INTENSE PROCESS,
BUT YOU NEED TO PROCESS IT WITH THE LORD.
AND THEN WHEN YOU PROCESS IT, YOU CAN GET HEALING.
AND THEN YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD.
BUT IF YOU JUST TRY TO SLAP A BAND-AID ON IT
AND SAY, OH, I'M FINE.
I'M GOING TO PUSH FORWARD
THEN WORK THROUGH IT.
AND THIS IS THE THING, BECAUSE THIS HAPPENED TO ME.
WHEN WE GET MARRIED AND WHEN WE HAVE CHILDREN,
WHATEVER WAS UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE OF OUR CHILDHOOD,
IT COMES UP TO THE SURFACE.
BECAUSE I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD MY FIRST,
I WAS LIKE, OH, MY GOSH.
IT WAS -- I WAS TERRIFIED.
>> BECAUSE WE'RE OUT OF CONTROL.
>> EXACTLY.
>> WE'RE TAKING CARE OF ANOTHER LIFE
AND WE'RE COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.
AND ALL OF OUR MECHANISMS TO COPE AND CONTROL
ARE TAKEN AWAY FROM US.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> AND THAT'S WHY IT'S SO GOOD
TO HAVE A LOT OF CHILDREN.
>> YEAH. IT IS.
>> AND THAT'S WHAT'S BEAUTIFUL ABOUT MARRIAGE
AND ABOUT HAVING -- BEAUTIFUL ABOUT FAMILY,
HAVING KIDS,
IS THAT IT CAN MAKE YOU MORE WHOLE IF YOU ALLOW GOD
TO MAKE YOU WHOLE THROUGH IT.
NOT THAT THEY, THE PEOPLE, MAKE YOU WHOLE,
BUT MEANING THAT THEY WILL HIGHLIGHT THINGS
WITHIN YOURSELF AND THEN YOU CAN GO TO GOD AND SAY,
OKAY, WHAT IS THIS?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> AND HE BRINGS YOU UP TO THAT PLACE.
>> TOTALLY.
AND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IS
THE PROCESS OF SURRENDER.
SO I THINK AS WE HAVE CHILDREN AND, YOU KNOW,
GO THROUGH MARRIAGE AND WE'RE BUILDING THIS FAMILY,
I THINK WE EITHER OVER TIME --
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS NEUTRAL.
WE EITHER GET HARD-HEARTED OVER TIME,
MORE AND MORE AND MORE HARD-HEARTED,
OR WE GET MORE TENDER.
WE GET MORE COMPASSIONATE.
WE GET MORE UNDERSTANDING.
AND FOR ANYBODY LISTENING TO THIS,
IT'S LIKE, OH, MAN, MY KIDS ARE GROWN UP,
BUT I SHOULD HAVE DONE BETTER, AND, YOU KNOW,
ALL OF THAT'S FEAR TOO.
ALL OF THAT'S GUILT.
YOU KNOW, GOD HAD KIDS THAT KILLED EACH OTHER.
OKAY.
AND GOD DID THE PERFECT THING.
HE GAVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THE RIGHT THING,
BUT GOD NEVER CONTROLLED ANYBODY.
AND SO WE CAN'T CONTROL OUTCOMES EITHER.
WE CAN ONLY GIVE OUR KIDS OPPORTUNITY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, MOTHERHOOD IS SUCH AN INCREDIBLE INVITATION
TO WHOLENESS BECAUSE IT WILL EXPOSE,
SO WILL MARRIAGE,
IT WILL EXPOSE THE AREAS THAT WE'VE BEEN HIDING
FROM OURSELVES THAT ARE REALLY, REALLY PAINFUL.
BUT LIKE YOU SAID, GOD WILL OPEN IT UP LIKE AN ONION.
AND GOD IS SO GOOD BECAUSE WE'LL BE LIKE,
MAN, I'M DOING SO GOOD AND A COUPLE YEARS LATER
HE'S LIKE, SO, JENNY, HOW ABOUT...
I'M LIKE, OH, WOW. OKAY,
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, BUT NOW, I'M NOT AFRAID OF THAT PROCESS ANYMORE
BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE QUICKSAND TO ME.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M SINKING.
NO, IT'S LIKE ACTUALLY I'M BUILT UP
MORE IN GOD WHEN THOSE PAIN POINTS
GET EXPOSED BY GOD.
YOU KNOW, NOT BY THE WORLD, BUT BY GOD.
>> EXACTLY. AND I WOULD JUST ENCOURAGE PEOPLE
NOT TO FALL INTO THE TRAP OF TAKING THIS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS
AND TRYING TO DO IT YOURSELF AND TRYING TO FIX
IT ALL AT ONCE BECAUSE IN THE BEGINNING,
I WAS AFRAID.
I WAS AFRAID OF MY OWN BROKENNESS.
AND I REMEMBER THINKING,
OKAY, I HAVE MY TOOLS, LIKE I WENT TO CHURCH
AND I LEARNED ABOUT INNER HEALING AND I REMEMBER
THEM SAYING THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
AND THEY SAY SO MANY PEOPLE COME TO THE CHURCH THINKING,
I'M GOING TO LEARN HOW TO DO THIS AND I'M GOING TO DO THIS,
AND HE SAID, THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS.
IT'S A JOURNEY AND IT'S LEARNING TO INVITE GOD
IN TO YOUR HEART AND WORK THROUGH THESE THINGS,
AND WHAT SCRIPTURE SAYS ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND JUDGMENT
AND ALL THESE THINGS.
BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT THESE TOOLS
THAT YOU DO YOURSELF.
IT'S REALLY SURRENDERING TO GOD.
BUT GOD REALLY BROUGHT ME OUT OF A PLACE
OF HE'S NOT INTIMIDATED BY
OUR BROKENNESS AND HE IS FAITHFUL TO COMPLETE
THE WORK THAT HE BEGINS IN US.
WE REALLY NEED TO JUST SURRENDER, OPEN OURSELVES UP,
AND TRUST HIM AND ALLOW HIM TO DO THE WORK WITHIN US,
AND NOT RUN AWAY OR HIDE OR BE ASHAMED BECAUSE
THE ENEMY USES ALL THESE THINGS TO, YOU KNOW,
PARALYZE US WITH FEAR OR FEEL SHAME
SO WE DON'T OPEN UP AND TALK TO GOD ABOUT IT,
BUT THE BEST THING WE CAN DO IS GET INTO
THAT DIALOGUE WITH HIM.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
AND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IS WAITING WELL.
SO IN OUR ANXIETY, WHEN WE'RE STARTING
TO FEEL RESTLESS OR WHATEVER,
AND WE HAVE A GO-TO THAT WE REACH FOR.
>> YEAH.
>> WHETHER IT'S, YOU KNOW, SOCIAL MEDIA
OR GETTING LOST IN SOMETHING THAT'S NOT EVIL.
I MEAN, SURE, THERE'S SIN AND THAT'S A CONVERSATION
TO BE HAD, BUT TODAY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE THINGS
THAT GOD ACTUALLY GIVES US THAT ARE POSITIVE TOOLS
AND MARRIAGES AND KIDS AND ALL THAT.
SO CAN YOU WAIT WELL?
HERE'S ONE EXAMPLE.
THE ISRAELITES, OKAY,
SO PHARAOH AND ALL HIS ARMY
GET SWALLOWED UP IN THE SEA.
THEY GO ACROSS DRY LAND.
THEY LOOK BACK AND ALL OF THEIR ENEMIES
ARE SWALLOWED UP.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THEY'RE FREE.
THEY'RE FREE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND THEY'VE BEEN SLAVES
FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
TWO WEEKS LATER,
THEY CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
IN THEIR ANXIETY, RIGHT, BECAUSE ALL THEY KNOW
FROM THEIR PAST IS SLAVERY.
SO WHAT DID THEY DO?
THEY MADE A GOLDEN CALF
BECAUSE MOSES WAS TAKING TOO LONG.
HE WENT UP THE MOUNTAIN AND THEY WERE LIKE,
HE'S NOT DOWN HERE YET,
AND THEY WERE WAITING FOR A MAN
TO BE THEIR MASTER.
THEY WERE WAITING FOR MOSES TO BE THEIR MASTER,
AND HE WASN'T COMING FAST ENOUGH.
SO THEY HAD TO MAKE SOMETHING TO LORD OVER THEM.
THAT'S WHAT IDOLS DO.
WE REACH FOR THEM WHEN WE CANNOT --
WE CAN'T WAIT AND ALLOW FREEDOM
TO ACTUALLY TAKE ROOT,
AND THAT'S WHAT THE WAITING DOES.
THE WAITING IS IN THAT LIKE, OKAY, GOD,
I REALLY WANT SOMETHING TO LIKE
NUMB THIS PAIN OR TAKE THIS AWAY.
AND GOD IS LIKE IF YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME.
>> AND TRUST HIM.
>> YEAH, I'LL COME.
I TELL PEOPLE, LISTEN, LIKE I TOLD SOMEBODY
WHO'S ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL BEFORE,
I'M LIKE, YOU'RE GONNA BASICALLY JUST HAVE TO
SAY TO GOD, HEY, RIGHT NOW
I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT ALCOHOL
WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER THAN YOU CAN.
I MEAN, YOU'RE GREAT AND EVERYTHING,
BUT I ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THIS MOMENT,
IF I TAKE A DRINK,
THEN I'M GOING TO BE --
MY PAIN IS GOING TO BE RELIEVED.
AND I ACTUALLY DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL
DO THAT FOR ME.
BUT I'M GOING TO TAKE A RISK RIGHT NOW.
AND, YOU KNOW, THEY MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE A WALK.
THEY MIGHT HAVE TO WHATEVER, BUT IF SOMEBODY
WAITS FOR GOD AND SAYS I WILL NOT GRAB THE THING
THAT'S LESSER THAN A, SOMETHING THAT WOULD
RULE OVER ME, A COUNTERFEIT LOVE.
I WILL WAIT FOR YOU.
HE WILL COME.
AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS
BECAUSE HE DID IT FOR ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
SO YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SIT INSIDE THE PAIN,
THE SLAVERY OF YOUR PAST.
AND THEN SAY, GOD, CAN YOU COMFORT ME?
ARE YOU THE GOD OF COMFORT,
OR IS THAT JUST LIKE A REALLY COOL INSTAGRAM POST?
OH, YOU'RE THE GOD OF COMFORT, BUT ARE YOU?
BECAUSE I NEED COMFORT RIGHT NOW.
AND HE WILL DO THAT.
HE WON'T DO IT IN YOUR TIME.
HE WON'T DO IT IN YOUR FORMULA.
YOU KNOW, HE'LL PROBABLY SURPRISE YOU
AND DO IT A DIFFERENT WAY.
BUT HE WILL COMFORT US WHEN WE CALL OUT TO HIM.
>> AND THAT REALLY, IT'S A CHOICE.
BECAUSE I JUST WENT THROUGH A --
LIKE A HARD SEASON OF DEALING WITH THAT.
AND IT WAS LIKE EVERY TIME SOMETHING ROSE UP,
IT WAS LIKE ARE YOU GOING TO TURN TO
SOME OF THESE COMFORTS, LIKE YOU SAID,
THEY'RE NOT SINFUL.
OR ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO HIM?
AND I HAD TO LEARN YOU CAN GO TO THESE THINGS,
BUT THEY'RE NOT GOING TO FIX IT.
THEY'RE JUST GOING TO TEMPORARILY NUMB IT,
BUT GOING TO HIM,
YOU WILL ACTUALLY GET BREAKTHROUGH.
YOU'LL ACTUALLY GET HEALING.
YOU'LL ACTUALLY GET WHAT YOU NEED.
AND YOUR FLESH WILL RESIST IT,
EVEN FOR LIKE AS LONG AS
I'VE WALKED WITH THE LORD,
IT'S LIKE, OH, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE GETTING TO
THE SECRET PLACE, YOU HAVE TO SOMETIMES SIT THERE.
YOU HAVE TO BE STILL,
YOU HAVE TO WAIT ON GOD,
BUT IT'S WORTH IT GOING WITH HIM.
AND GOING WITH HIM YOU WILL GET THE BREAKTHROUGH
AND THE HEALING AND THE ANSWERS,
EVEN THE WISDOM THAT YOU NEED
AND YOU REALLY WILL NOT FIND PEACE.
AND, SEE, WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WHEN YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT THE ISRAELITES IN THE WILDERNESS.
THAT'S SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE OF AN INNER HEALING JOURNEY
BECAUSE YOU CAN BE PHYSICALLY DELIVERED
FROM A PLACE, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE DELIVERED ALSO
IN YOUR SOUL.
AND THEY WERE CARRYING THAT SLAVERY IDENTITY,
THAT SLAVERY MENTALITY.
AND THEY HAD SO MUCH FEAR.
AND THE REASON WHY I THINK THEY TURNED TO
BUILDING THE GOLDEN CALF WAS BECAUSE
THEY DIDN'T KNOW GOD PERSONALLY
AND GOD WANTED TO KNOW THEM INTIMATELY,
BUT THEY DIDN'T KNOW HIM
AND SO THEY HAD THAT FEAR.
AND SO YOU HAVE TO COME TO A PLACE OF
KNOWING GOD TO REALLY WALK IN
THIS KIND OF LIKE FREEDOM WITH HIM;
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THAT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> IT JUST CAN'T BE A RELIGIOUS --
>> BECAUSE RELIGION CAN BE AN IDOL.
>> IT'S A HUGE IDOL.
>> HUGE IDOL.
BUT GOD WILL NOT BE IN A RELIGIOUS FORMULA.
HE WILL NOT BE A LOGO OF A CHURCH.
OUR MINISTRIES CAN EASILY BECOME IDOLS, RIGHT.
THE THING THAT GOD BLESSED US WITH,
LIKE WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TODAY.
BUT HE --
>> THAT'S WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT.
>> IT'S SO IMPORTANT.
>> BECAUSE IT'S LIKE GOD WILL GIVE YOU
THESE GOD DREAMS.
HE'LL GIVE YOU THESE GOD BLESSINGS
LIKE FAMILY, BUT UNINTENTIONALLY
BECAUSE YOUR MOTIVES CAN BE GOOD,
YOUR INTENTIONS CAN BE GOOD,
BUT OVER TIME, THROUGH FEAR AND LIKE YOU SAID,
UNRESOLVED TRAUMA,
IT CAN BECOME AN IDOL.
AND THEN THE VERY THING THAT
YOU'RE MEANT TO STEWARD WELL,
YOU ARE NOW LIVING IN FEAR, AND SLAVERY, TOO.
AND THEN IT STARTS TO HURT THOSE THINGS
THAT YOU'RE CALLED TO,
OR LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, MINISTRY.
IF YOU ARE DOING MINISTRY FOR MINISTRY
AND NO LONGER FOR HIM,
THAT'S AN IDOL.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> AND ON THE OUTSIDE IT WILL ALL LOOK GOOD
AND THERE STILL CAN BE GOOD FRUIT,
BECAUSE GOD WILL MOVE THROUGH THINGS
BECAUSE GOD LOVES PEOPLE,
HE WANTS TO TOUCH PEOPLE.
BUT EVENTUALLY THAT'S GOING TO COME CRUMBLING DOWN.
>> AND YOU LOSE YOUR FREEDOM BECAUSE, REMEMBER,
IDOLS TAKE AWAY YOUR FREEDOM.
YOU BECOME A SLAVE.
YOU BECOME A BOND SERVANT.
NOBODY EVER WANTS TO GET IN A MINISTRY AND SAY,
I REALLY HOPE THIS THING LIKE BOSSES ME AROUND
24 HOURS A DAY.
I REALLY HOPE I LOSE MY LOVE FOR GOD,
AND THIS THING ACTUALLY DRIVES ME TO FEAR
AND WORRY AND PANIC AND ANXIETY.
NOBODY EVER WANTS THAT AND SIGNS UP FOR THAT.
YOU HAVE TO BE SUPER CAREFUL ABOUT ANY BLESSING
BECOMING A MASTER.
SO YOU ASKED EARLIER,
HOW DO WE BREAK THAT?
YOU ACTUALLY ANSWERED THE QUESTION.
ONE PRACTICAL THING WE CAN DO IS
RENOUNCE IT WITH OUR LIPS, WITH OUR MOUTH.
I RENOUNCE THE IDOL OF MY CHILDREN.
GOD, I REPENT FOR PUTTING MY CHILDREN IN A PLACE
WHERE I HAVE FEARED OUTCOMES.
I HAVE FEARED THE BLESSING AND SO, GOD,
I LAY THEM ON THE ALTAR JUST LIKE ABRAHAM DID.
AND THEN THE SECOND THING YOU SAID WAS
BE WILLING TO GET TO KNOW GOD.
BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T KNOW GOD,
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO PICK UP ANOTHER IDOL,
OR THE SAME ONE AS BEFORE.
BECAUSE KNOWING GOD IS WHEN YOU GO,
WOW, THERE IS NOTHING THAT COMPARES TO THIS LOVE.
WHEN YOU KNOW GOD INTIMATELY,
YOU DON'T WANT ANY OF THE OTHER STUFF.
ALL THAT STUFF IS LIKE, I'LL STEWARD THAT
THAT'S AN ASSIGNMENT, BUT IF GOD SAID,
JENNY, I WANT YOU TO HAND HER VOICE MOVEMENT
OVER ME TODAY.
I'D SAY OKAY, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT MY IDENTITY.
IT'S NOT -- IT'S NOT AN IDOL.
IT'S MY ASSIGNMENT THAT I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR,
BUT WHEN WE HAVE GOD, WE CAN'T LOSE
BECAUSE WE CAN'T LOSE HIM, RIGHT?
SO WE CAN NEVER LOSE WHEN WE HAVE HIM
AS OUR NUMBER ONE.
SO REPENTING WITH RENOUNCING,
I'M A BIG BELIEVER IN THAT WITH YOUR MOUTH.
AND THEN ASKING GOD, I NEED TO KNOW YOU.
I WANT TO KNOW YOU.
I'M GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU.
I'M GOING TO DO THE HARD THING.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE BACK IN THE DAY,
YOU'RE PROBABLY TOO YOUNG FOR THIS,
BUT WE HAD CARS WITHOUT POWER STEERING.
SO YOU'D TURN THE WHEEL,
IT'S LIKE YOU HAD TO FORCE IT SOMETIMES,
BECAUSE IT WAS, IT DIDN'T JUST TURN
LIKE CARS DO NOW, ALL CARS.
YOU KNOW, JUST TURN.
YOU HAD TO WORK AT IT, RIGHT.
AND SO THAT IS HOW THE FLESH FEELS WHEN YOU'RE SAYING,
I'M PUTTING THIS DOWN AND I AM GOING TO GO
IN A NEW DIRECTION.
>> YEAH.
AND I THINK ONE OF THE VERSES
THAT'S COMING TO MIND THAT GOD SPOKE TO ME
WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY PREGNANT WITH MY DAUGHTER,
IT WAS JEREMIAH, I THINK IT'S 17,
AND IT SAYS -- THE ONE THAT MOST PEOPLE KNOW
IS BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO TRUSTS IN GOD.
HE WILL BE LIKE A TREE WHOSE ROOTS GO DOWN DEEP.
IT WON'T FEAR DROUGHT OR WEATHER THAT COMES.
ITS LEAVES STAY GREEN.
BUT BEFORE THAT IN VERSE 5 IT SAYS,
CURSED IS THE MAN WHO TRUSTS IN MAN.
>> WOW.
>> BUT THAT MAN CAN ALSO BE YOURSELF.
AND SO ONE OF THE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS
THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE
IS THIS UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU CANNOT PUT YOUR TRUST
IN ANYTHING OR ANY PERSON, INCLUDING YOURSELF.
AND GOD IS TOO GOOD THAT IF YOU ARE DOING THAT,
HE WILL UNCOVER THAT, MAYBE EVEN REMOVE THAT THING
FROM YOUR LIFE AND IT COULD BE PAINFUL,
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY HIM BEING A LOVING FATHER,
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE YOU --
HE DOESN'T WANT US TO LIVE IN BONDAGE
TO ANYTHING.
HE WANTS US TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS OUR SOURCE
AND THAT NO MATTER IN LIFE,
WHAT MAY COME OR MAY GO, HE IS ALL THAT WE NEED
BECAUSE IF WE'RE IN THAT PLACE,
WE'LL BE HEALTHY AND WE'LL STEWARD THINGS WELL.
AND WE'LL LIVE IN WORSHIP TO HIM AND HIM ALONE.
BUT THE MOMENT WE START HAVING IDOLS AND WE START
PUTTING OUR HOPE IN PEOPLE OR THINGS AND SYSTEMS,
THAT'S WHEN WE MOVE INTO IDOLATRY.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
LIKE LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH OUR KIDS.
REALLY DEMANDING BEHAVIOR OUT OF THEM
LIKE MY DREAM.
I NEEDED THEM TO LOVE ME.
THAT IS SO OPPOSITE FROM JESUS.
HE JUST STAYS LOVE.
HE JUST GAVE LOVE.
HE DIDN'T REQUIRE A RECIPROCATED LOVE,
A RECIPROCATED COMMITMENT.
AND THIS IS WHAT WE'RE CALLED TO,
IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE MEANING,
I'M GONNA LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME
A SINGLE OUNCE BACK.
THAT'S HOW WE KNOW WHETHER WE HAVE AN IDOL OR NOT.
DO WE REQUIRE OUR CHILDREN TO BEHAVE A CERTAIN WAY?
DO WE, YOU KNOW, AND OF COURSE WHAT --
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT LIKE DISCIPLESHIP
AND TEACHING THEM HOW TO LIKE
SIT AT A RESTAURANT AND NOT TEAR IT UP.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT MY KIDS MUST PERFORM THIS WAY,
OR I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT TO LIVE IT.
MY KIDS MUST DO THIS FOR ME,
OR I WON'T BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY.
AGAIN, IT'S RESERVING HAPPINESS FOR ANYTHING OR ANY PURPOSE
FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN GOD.
I'LL READ THESE THINGS.
>> YEAH, I WAS GONNA ASK YOU.
I WANTED YOU TO GO THROUGH THIS LIST, BECAUSE I KNOW
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE WANTING TO HEAR IT.
>> YEAH, WE SAID IT SO WE BETTER GIVE IT.
SO YOUR CHILD HAS PROBABLY BECOME AN IDOL
IN YOUR LIFE,
THESE ARE KIND OF THE MARKERS.
IF YOU LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THEM,
AND I ALREADY MENTIONED THAT ONE.
IT'S ONE THING TO CHEER YOUR KIDS ON,
AND IT'S ANOTHER THING TO ATTEMPT TO RELIVE YOUR PAST
THROUGH YOUR CHILDREN, RIGHT?
IT'S NOT OUR LIFE, IT'S THEIRS.
THE SECOND MARKER HERE IS YOU COMPROMISE YOUR STANDARDS
FOR THEIR COMFORT.
AND SO I WOULD SAY, YOU KNOW,
I TELL MY KIDS, GOD'S GONNA TELL YOU LIKE
GO LEFT OR RIGHT OR STOP DOING THAT, OR COME THIS WAY.
AND IF YOU DON'T LISTEN, THEN HE'LL GIVE ME THE MEMO
IN A DREAM A LOT OF TIMES,
OR JUST IN, YOU KNOW, THAT DISCERNMENT.
AND THEN DAD AND I STEP IN.
AND IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO US, PAIN IS WAITING
TO HELP YOU GET BACK ON TRACK.
AND YET AS A PARENT,
IF WE SHIELD OUR CHILDREN FROM THAT PAIN,
ALL WE'LL DO IS BEAT THEM DOWN
WITH OUR WORDS AND THEY'RE GOING TO START
BACKING UP FROM US, LIKE IN THE DREAM
WHEN MY CHILDREN LOOKED LIKE PLASTIC, INANIMATE OBJECTS
BECAUSE THEY WERE IDOLS.
>> THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING WHEN YOU SAID THAT.
>> SO NOW IF I DON'T LET THEM EXPERIENCE PAIN,
THAT MEANS I ACTUALLY DON'T TRUST GOD,
BECAUSE OF MY OWN UNRESOLVED TRAUMA.
SEE, IT JUST CIRCLES BACK AROUND, RIGHT?
>> CAN YOU GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE,
OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
NOT LETTING YOUR CHILDREN EXPERIENCE PAIN.
>> YEAH. OKAY.
OKAY. THIS HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY.
SO MY SON HAS HIS MINISTRY.
HE'S IN MINISTRY SCHOOL, COLLEGE, AND HE HAS
THE REST OF HIS TUITION DUE.
AND HE'S TEXTING ME, NOT HIS DAD.
MOM, I NEED THE REST OF TUITION, RIGHT.
AND SO I'M LIKE, OH, TEXT YOUR DAD.
YEAH. AND SO HE TEXTED HIM AND I'M LIKE,
HEY, DID YOU PAY THAT?
AND HE'S LIKE, UNH-UH.
I SAID WHY DIDN'T YOU PAY THAT?
AND HE'S LIKE, I'M JUST GOING TO LET HIM
SWEAT IT OUT A LITTLE BIT.
I'M LIKE, WHY?
WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM SWEAT?
HE GOES, BECAUSE HE COULDN'T,
YOU KNOW, HE'S 20 YEARS OLD.
HE CAN THINK ABOUT HOW HE WANTS TO HELP
CONTRIBUTE TO THIS.
I'M LIKE, BUT DID YOU TELL HIM THAT,
OR ARE WE JUST LIKE THROWING HIM IN THE DEEP END,
OR DID WE PREPARE HIM?
YOU KNOW, I'M LIKE HELP ME OUT HERE, YOU KNOW.
AND MY SON ACTUALLY FEELS CALLED TO MOVE
TO NEW YORK CITY.
AND THIS MORNING, I EVEN WOKE UP GOING,
GOD, WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE FOR MY SON TO LIVE ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE UNITED STATES IN NEW YORK CITY BY HIMSELF?
>> I CAN'T IMAGINE.
>> OH, I KNOW. AND I'M LIKE, LORD,
THIS IS A SUPER BIG TRUST FOR ME FOR I THOUGHT
THE MINISTRY, YOU KNOW, TUITION
WAS ONE THING A WEEK AGO, BUT NOW,
I'M LIKE, WAIT. HE WANTS TO GO TO NEW YORK.
WHO'S HE GOING TO LIVE WITH?
WHERE'S HE GOING TO GET A JOB?
I'M TRYING TO ANSWER QUESTIONS THAT ACTUALLY
HIM AND GOD ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SORT OUT.
SO LETTING YOUR CHILDREN FAIL.
SO SOMETIMES, REBECCA, AND I DON'T --
I WOULD QUESTION WHETHER THIS IS A GOOD IDEA
FOR EVERYBODY OR NOT.
BUT THIS IS WHAT HELPS ME.
JENNY, WHAT'S THE WORST CASE SCENARIO?
HE DOESN'T -- HE GETS TO NEW YORK CITY
AND HE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB AND HE DOESN'T HAVE
ANYPLACE TO LIVE.
HE'S COMING HOME.
OKAY.
HE WON'T BE HOMELESS ON THE STREETS.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO GO TO THE POINT OF LIKE,
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, RIGHT,
BUT LETTING YOUR KIDS EXPERIENCE A CHALLENGE
THAT MIGHT NOT WORK OUT FOR THEM.
OKAY.
AND HIM AND GOD ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK THIS OUT.
SO THAT'S AN EXAMPLE THAT'S PRESENT DAY
FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
>> IT'S SO PIVOTAL THAT PARENTS ALLOW CHILDREN
TO FALL AND GET HURT AND LEARN TO GET BACK UP.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ALWAYS
COMING IN TO RESCUE YOUR KIDS --
>> THEN YOU'RE GOD FOR THEM.
>> YOU'RE GOD FOR THEM.
>> HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GET ON HIS KNEES AND GO,
GOD, I NEED A JOB.
I CAME HERE.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO WORK OUT AND IT DIDN'T,
AND DON'T YOU WANT CHILDREN TO ACTUALLY
CULTIVATE THEIR OWN DESPERATION.
>> YEAH. AND LEARN TO DEPEND ON GOD
AND NOT ON YOU.
BUT NOT ONLY THAT, IT WILL BE PAINFUL FOR THEM
AS THEY GET TO AN ADULT, BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE THEM
THE ABILITY TO GROW UNDERNEATH YOUR ROOF.
AND THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GROW EVENTUALLY.
AND, LIKE YOU SAID, IF YOU'RE ALWAYS COMING IN
TO SAVE THE DAY,
THEN YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GIVE YOUR CHILDREN
THE OPPORTUNITY TO TURN TO THE LORD FOR HELP.
AND THEN THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE THAT CONNECTION WITH HIM.
>> PARENTS CAN BECOME IDOLS.
BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS CAME THROUGH FOR YOU
AND NOW YOU'RE --
>> EXACTLY.
>> YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
MAYBE YOU HAD SUCH GOOD PARENTS
THAT NOW THEY'RE IDOLS.
>> YEAH. AND BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS ALLOWING --
AND, HEY, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
IF YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR YOUR CHILDREN,
I'M NOT SAYING NOT BE THERE FOR YOUR KIDS,
BUT IF YOU BECOME LIKE A GOD TO YOUR PARENT --
I MEAN, IF YOU BECOME A GOD TO YOUR CHILDREN,
THAT WILL EVENTUALLY TURN INTO CODEPENDENCY.
>> AND, YOU KNOW, EVERY PARENT I KNOW
THAT RAISED THEIR KIDS THAT WAY,
THEY WILL SAY THEY ACTUALLY HAVE LIKE A --
YEAH, I WANT TO USE THE RIGHT WORDS.
A DISTASTE FOR THEIR OWN CHILDREN.
>> YEAH, BECAUSE IT'S NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
>> THEY DON'T ENJOY THEIR OWN CHILDREN ANYMORE.
THEY DON'T.
>> THEY CAN'T CUT THE CORD.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> BECAUSE ONCE THAT CODEPENDENCY FORMS,
UNTIL YOU CAN REPENT AND RENOUNCE IT,
YOU'VE FORMED THIS NEW RELATIONSHIP
WHERE IT'S LIKE THIS INTERDEPENDENCY
AND IT'S NOT THE WAY GOD DESIGNED THINGS TO BE,
BUT IT'S SO COMMON AND IT COMES --
I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE, IT COMES FROM A GOOD PLACE.
THEY LOVE THEIR KIDS, BUT IT WILL BECOME A MONSTER
IF YOU DON'T DEAL WITH IT.
AND SO ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU CAN DO IS
ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO LEARN, YOU KNOW,
TO DEPEND ON THE LORD AND NOT TO TURN --
YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS EVEN GOING TO BE THERE.
>> AND YOU, LIKE WITH LITTLE KIDS,
YOU CAN START NOW.
YOU CAN SEE WHAT MEASURE OF DISCOMFORT
CAN I ALLOW THEM WHERE THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GET HURT,
THERE'S NOTHING DANGEROUS ABOUT THIS,
LIKE THE WORST CASE SCENARIO WAS WHAT?
>> NO, IT'S LIKE SO GOOD.
>> YEAH.
>> I HAD DR. AMEN ON,
AND HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT LIKE IF YOU
DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUR CHILDREN,
LIKE THINKING ABOUT AS A PARENT,
ALWAYS DOING EVERYTHING FOR YOUR KIDS.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ROBBING LIKE SELF-ESTEEM FROM THEM.
>> A HUNDRED PERCENT.
ABSOLUTELY. OUR TEN YEAR OLD RIGHT NOW,
SHE REALLY WANTS TO COOK, AND SO I'M LIKE,
I'M STANDING THERE GOING, OKAY, TURN.
OKAY. THIS IS HOW YOU LIGHT THE GAS.
THIS IS HOW YOU DO THE THING.
AND SHE'S MAKING IT, AND WHEN SHE MADE
HER OWN MAC AND CHEESE, NOW MIND YOU,
IT CAME FROM THE SAME BOX THAT I ALWAYS MAKE.
SHE'S LIKE, MOM,
THIS IS THE BEST MACARONI AND CHEESE
I'VE EVER HAD.
AND I'M LIKE, OH, I BET IT IS.
I BET IT'S THE BEST BECAUSE SHE MADE IT.
>> IT'S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.
>> YEAH. AND SO NOW, IT'S LIKE,
WOW, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU FEEL SO PROUD OF YOURSELF.
AND SO EVERYTHING THAT WE'RE SAYING
IS SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE,
BUT IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT WE DON'T
GET ON AUTOPILOT IN OUR UNRESOLVED TRAUMA
AND RAISE OUR KIDS IN THE VERY SAME WAY THAT WE DIDN'T
WANT TO RAISE OUR KIDS 'CAUSE IT'S HOW WE WERE RAISED.
>> BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU'RE FOCUSED ON,
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BECOME.
SO IF YOU'RE FOCUS ISN'T ON JESUS,
I LEARNED THIS ACTUALLY IN THE INNER HEALING
AT MY CHURCH.
THEY SAID IF YOU'RE FOCUSED ON LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE,
YOU SAID YOU DON'T WANT YOUR FAMILY TO BE SCATTERED.
IF THAT IS YOUR FOCUS, THAT BECOMES AN IDOL
AND THAT USUALLY ENDS UP BEING THE RESULT.
>> THAT'S IT.
>> BECAUSE YOU BECOME WHAT YOU FOCUS ON.
>> OKAY, SO IN THAT REGARD, FOR ANYBODY LISTENING,
THIS WILL HELP THEM.
SO A REALLY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE
THAT'S LIKE SUPER SPIRITUALLY ROOTED WITH ME,
SHE CALLED ME ONE DAY. SHE'S SOBBING.
JENNY, I WAS DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.
I WAS PRAYING FOR YOU.
I HAD TO PULL OVER I WAS CRYING SO HARD.
SHE SAID I SAW A PICTURE OF YOUR FAMILY.
THIS IS YEARS AGO, REBECCA.
THERE WAS A PICTURE OF YOUR FAMILY.
ALL OF YOUR KIDS WERE GROWN.
YOU WERE STANDING ON A BEACH.
JENNY, YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE SCATTERED.
YOU'RE ALL GOING TO STAY TOGETHER.
I BEGAN CRYING AND THE LORD SAID TO ME,
THAT IS YOUR NEW PICTURE.
THAT IS YOUR NEW VISION OF YOUR FAMILY.
AND IF YOU BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE,
YOU'RE IN DISOBEDIENCE.
I'VE GIVEN YOU A NEW VISION,
AND THIS IS THE WAY IT IS.
AND IT BROUGHT SO MUCH PEACE TO MY HEART.
NO LONGER WAS I LIVING IN FEAR OF THAT,
AND THAT BEGAN A JOURNEY OF FORGIVING PARENTS,
FORGIVING MYSELF,
YOU KNOW, IN MY CHILDHOOD AND ALL THE THINGS.
BUT YOU KNOW AS SOON AS YOU START TAKING THE JOURNEY
OF HEALING INWARDLY,
IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE
SUCH A LONG JOURNEY.
IT'S ACTUALLY NOT.
IT WAS LONGER TO LIVE IN THE UNRESOLVED TRAUMA
AND THE DYSFUNCTION.
>> NO, IT'S TRUE.
>> I POPPED RIGHT OUT OF THAT THING
AND WENT, WOW,
I'M ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD OF A MOM.
I'M PROBABLY THE BEST, YOU KNOW, CHOICE THAT YOU GUYS HAVE
AND I'M NOT PERFECT, AND, YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO
APOLOGIZE ALONG THE WAY, BUT LET'S DO THIS THING.
AND WE GOT ON A FAMILY MISSION AND WE BECAME HEALTHY
AND FUNCTIONED HEALTHY AND I SAW FRUIT
COME OUT OF MY KIDS
>> YEAH.
>> WHEN I DEALT WITH ME.
IT WASN'T ABOUT THEM.
LET ME FINISH THIS LIST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO LEAVE EVERYBODY HANGING.
OKAY.
NUMBER THREE IS
YOU STOP HAVING THE TOUGH CONVERSATIONS, RIGHT?
BECAUSE YOU WANT THINGS TO BE EASY FOR THEM.
NUMBER FOUR, YOU SPEND EXCESSIVELY ON THEM
TRYING TO WIN THEM OVER.
>> WIN THEIR AFFECTION.
>> YEP.
YOU POINT THEM TOWARD YOUR DESIRES INSTEAD OF GOD'S.
YOU'RE KIND OF WEIGHING IN A LITTLE HEAVY
INSTEAD OF GOD.
YOU CONSTANTLY WORRY ABOUT THEM.
WORRY ALWAYS POINTS TO IDOLS.
NUMBER SEVEN, YOU FEEL AN OVERWHELMING
SENSE OF ABANDONMENT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM LEAVING.
OKAY.
AND THEN NUMBER EIGHT, YOU CONSISTENTLY SIDE WITH THEM
INSTEAD OF YOUR SPOUSE.
SO THOSE ARE JUST SOME MARKERS FOR PEOPLE TO GO, HMM,
I MIGHT NEED TO RENOUNCE THIS AS AN IDOL.
BECAUSE, AGAIN, NOT BECAUSE YOU KNOW
IN THE SPIRIT OF RELIGION DON'T HAVE ANY IDOLS.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.
IT'S ABOUT I DON'T WANT THE ENEMY
TO HAVE ANY ACCESS TO MY FAMILY.
I WANT TO SHUT DOWN EVERY GATE THAT THE ENEMY HAS
COME IN TO DESTROY OUR RELATIONSHIPS,
TO CAUSE PAIN, TO CAUSE CONFRONTATION,
TO CAUSE THE STATIC,
TO CAUSE THE SEPARATION BECAUSE THE IRONY IS
THE TIGHTER WE HOLD ONTO OUR FAMILY,
THE FURTHER WE SEPARATE FROM EACH OTHER.
SO THIS IS ACTUALLY HOW WE RECOVER OUR FAMILY
IS BY LETTING THEM GO.
I DON'T MEAN PRACTICALLY LIKE, SORRY,
I CAN'T MAKE DINNER FOR YOU GUYS.
YOU'RE NOT MY IDOL ANYMORE.
I'M TALKING YOU STILL STEWARD, BUT YOU'RE NOT A SLAVE.
YOU'RE NOT UNDER THE SPIRIT OF FEAR.
>> YEAH, I'M JUST LIKE BACK HERE LIKE SHAKING MY HEAD
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'VE SEEN THIS SO MUCH,
AND IT'S LIKE THE MORE YOU TRY TO FORCE, EVEN LIKE
FORCING YOUR KIDS TO GET ALONG EVEN AS ADULTS,
IT'S JUST IF YOU CANNOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN
TO BE ADULTS AND STEWARD THEIR OWN
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS,
IT'S JUST GOING TO CAUSE RESENTMENT
AND ALL THOSE KINDS OF STUFF.
YOU CAN'T -- YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO SURRENDER YOUR FAMILY
AND ALLOW GOD AND TRUST GOD TO WORK IT THROUGH.
BECAUSE ANYTHING DONE IN YOUR OWN STRENGTH
IS NOT GOING TO STAND.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND PARENTING IS NOT FOR WIMPS.
>> YEAH.
>> THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.
SO AS WE TALK ABOUT FAMILY AND PARENTING,
JUST KNOW THAT IT IS ONLY THROUGH THE POWER OF GOD
AND THROUGH SURRENDER AND ULTIMATELY TRUST,
DO I TRUST GOD THAT HE CARES ABOUT MY KIDS,
MY MARRIAGE MORE THAN I DO?
AND IS HE JUST GOING TO LET THE BOTTOM FALL OUT ON ME?
IF YOU SAY YES,
I ACTUALLY BELIEVE HE IS GOING TO LEAVE ME,
HE IS GOING TO LET THE BOTTOM FALL OUT,
THAT POINTS YOU TO YOUR OWN TRAUMA.
AND THAT'S A GREAT PLACE TO START.
>> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.
IF YOU HAVE A FEAR,
THAT'S A GOOD LITTLE LIKE SIGNAL,
LIKE IF YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT OR YOU HAVE A FEAR
OR WORRY, OKAY, IT'S LIKE,
OKAY, WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?
IT'S FROM SOMEWHERE DEEPER.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> AND THAT'S STUFF TO TAKE UP IN PRAYER WITH GOD,
AND YOU DON'T NEED TO BE AFRAID OF THE BROKENNESS,
BUT YOU CAN JUST GO TO HIM AND SAY,
OKAY, WHERE IS THIS STEMMING FROM?
BUT, YEAH, IT'S SUCH A POWERFUL THING.
YOU KNOW, THE THING IS, TOO, LIKE IT'S INTERESTING,
BECAUSE I JUST ACTUALLY HAD THIS BREAKTHROUGH
IN UNDERSTANDING WITH MY KIDS,
BECAUSE JONATHAN CAN TELL YOU,
HE'S LIKE SITTING OFF TO THE SIDE,
BUT THERE ARE TIMES WHERE MY LIKE OLDEST
WAS LIKE I LOVE DADDY.
I DON'T LOVE -- YOU KNOW, NO, I WANT TO BE
WITH DAD, NOT MOM.
IT WAS THESE LITTLE THINGS BECAUSE THEY'RE
YOUNG RIGHT NOW AND IT WOULD JUST HURT MY FEELINGS
AND I TOOK THINGS PERSONALLY THAT SOME OF
THE STUFF IS LIKE DEVELOPMENTALLY NORMAL.
BUT I REMEMBER THE DAY
I REALIZED THAT MY LOVE FOR THEM
DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CONDITIONAL, CONDITIONED ON
HOW THEY TREAT ME, THAT I HAVE THE FREEDOM
THAT I GET TO LOVE THEM LIKE A FREE-FLOWING RIVER
BECAUSE THE LOVE OF GOD FLOWS INTO ME OUT TO THEM,
AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY DO,
HOW THEY TREAT ME.
IT DOESN'T MEAN TO LET THEM TREAT ME
HOWEVER THEY WANT, BUT I CAN ALLOW THEM TO BE THEM
AND GROW AND DEVELOP AND I CAN LOVE THEM FREE-FLOWING,
AND IT'S SUCH A PLACE, IT'S SO EMPOWERING
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR,
OR YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE OFF OF A FENCE
OR BASED OFF OF HOW THEY LOVE ME.
IT'S JUST I GET TO LOVE YOU AND STEWARD YOU,
BUT IF I REALLY JUST LOVE YOU FREELY LIKE GOD LOVES ME
AND I TRUST GOD AND I DO MY PART.
I KNOW THAT GOD IS GOING TO BE FAITHFUL TO GROW
THEM UP IN THE WAY THEY NEED TO GROW.
AND ONE OF THE THINGS YOU SAID ON ANOTHER SHOW
THAT I THINK IS SO POWERFUL AND I WANT
TO GIVE THIS TO PARENTS IS WHEN YOU WERE
STRUGGLING WITH ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN,
GOD GAVE YOU ACTUALLY VISION OF THEM
IN THEIR PURPOSE, IN THEIR DESTINY,
AND IT SHIFTED YOUR PRAYER LIFE.
CAN YOU SHARE THAT BECAUSE I WANT MORE PARENTS
GETTING THAT VISION FOR THEIR MARRIAGE,
FOR THEIR FAMILIES, FOR EACH OF THEIR CHILDREN INDIVIDUALLY
SO THEY CAN PRAY INTO THAT AND BELIEVE FOR THAT.
>> YEAH. WELL, LIKE MOST TEENAGERS,
YOU KNOW THEY GO THROUGH THIS PHASE OF LIKE
I'M GONNA SEPARATE FROM YOU AND I'M GONNA --
I'M GONNA EXPERIMENT WITH MY OWN IDEAS AND YOU DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING REALLY TO OFFER HERE.
YOU KNOW, ALL OF IT, RIGHT.
>> YOU THINK YOUR PARENTS ARE SO WEIRD.
SO CRINGY, YOU'RE LIKE, GO AWAY.
>> YEAH.
AND THEN THEY GO THROUGH THESE LITTLE LIKE PHASES
OF OPPRESSION AND YOU'RE LIKE,
OH, NO, YOU KNOW.
SO I JUST GOT ON MY FACE,
AND I REMEMBER BRINGING THE CURRENT PAIN
INTO THE PRAYER, LIKE, GOD,
YOU GOTTA HELP HER, LIKE LOOK AT HER,
LIKE SHE'S NOT FUNCTIONING WELL.
AND YOU KNOW LIKE, OH,
AND MAYBE, YOU KNOW, CHANGE ME.
IT WAS KIND OF LIKE A PRETTY PITIFUL PRAYER MOMENT, HONESTLY.
AND THE LORD SAID TO ME,
JENNY, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
WHAT'S NOT REAL.
HE SAID SHE'S -- THAT'S NOT HER.
HE SAID, THAT'S NOT HER.
LET ME SHOW YOU WHO SHE IS,
AND WHEN YOU COME TO ME TO PRAY FOR HER,
I WANT YOU TO PRAY FOR THIS GIRL.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, REBECCA,
I SEE THIS GIRL ON A KEYBOARD WORSHIPING.
NOW, I KNEW SHE HAD A REALLY GOOD VOICE.
BUT I HAD NEVER SEEN HER PLAY A KEYBOARD
IN WORSHIP.
AND SO I SAID, OKAY.
AND AT THE RISK OF, AM I MAKING THIS UP RIGHT NOW
IN PRAYER, RIGHT,
BUT I WAS SO AT THE END OF BEING ABLE TO HELP HER,
FEELING LIKE EVERYTHING I SAY MAKES IT WORSE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS LIKE, GOD, YOU KNOW.
I WAS SO LIKE, OKAY, LET'S DO IT YOUR WAY.
HE WAS LIKE, THEN YOU NEED TO PRAY FOR THIS GIRL
BECAUSE THAT'S WHO SHE REALLY IS.
I WANT YOU TO THANK ME FOR WHO SHE IS,
AND SO I CAME TO PRAY LIKE THIS.
THANK YOU, GOD, FOR THE WORSHIP
THAT COMES OUT OF HER SPIRIT.
I THANK YOU, GOD, FOR THE NOTES THAT SHE PLAYS
THAT COMMUNICATES WITH YOU.
I THANK YOU, GOD,
THAT YOU'VE GIVEN HER A VOICE FOR THE NATIONS.
I THANK YOU, FATHER, THAT YOU ARE COMMUNICATING
THROUGH MUSIC WITH HER.
LIKE I'M PRAYING AS IF, YOU KNOW,
ALL THESE THINGS THAT ARE NOT AS THOUGH THEY WERE.
THAT'S WHAT MY PRAYER TIME WAS WITH HER.
TWO YEARS LATER,
I WISH IT WAS A LOT FASTER, BUT TWO YEARS LATER,
SHE'S LIKE, MOM,
I THINK I WANT TO GET A KEYBOARD.
THREW HER IN THE CAR GOING TO GUITAR CENTER.
WOW, THAT WAS FAST, YOU KNOW.
SHE BRINGS IT HOME, PLUGS IT IN, STARTS PLAYING,
AND SHE'S LIKE, I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO HEAR ME.
YOU KNOW, SHUTS THE DOOR.
OF COURSE AT 15, YOU DON'T REALIZE
YOUR VOICE IS ECHOING ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
AND I JUST SAT IN THE HALLWAY,
HER THINKING I'M NOT LISTENING TO HER, OF COURSE,
BAWLING AS SHE'S JUST WORSHIPING.
I'M LIKE, I AM LITERALLY EXPERIENCING
WHO I PRAYED FOR FOR TWO YEARS.
AND THE LORD JUST KIND OF FORBID ME,
DON'T BRING ME THE FAKE IDENTITY.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU WHO SHE IS,
AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO THANK ME
AND PRAY THAT INTO EXISTENCE.
IT WAS POWERFUL.
>> YEAH.
>> POWERFUL.
I DON'T KNOW -- IF I WOULD HAVE KEPT PICKING AT HER,
HONEY, THIS AND THAT AND YOU'RE THIS AND YOU'RE,
YOU KNOW, AND JUST KIND OF RELIGIOUSLY NITPICKING,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO DO.
HONEY, YOU'RE THIS AND YOU'RE THAT.
AND DON'T TALK LIKE THAT,
AND CORRECT, CORRECT, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG.
AND I DID THAT FOR A WHILE UNTIL
I WAS LIKE, I AM DRIVING HER AWAY.
SHE'S NOT COMING CLOSE TO ME.
THIS ISN'T CAUSING CONNECTION.
SHE'S ACTUALLY BACKING UP FROM ME.
SO IF I WOULD HAVE KEPT DOING THAT,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE'D BE RIGHT NOW, REBECCA.
I DON'T KNOW.
NOW SHE IS A WORSHIPPER.
NOW, SHE'S DOING ALL SORTS OF THINGS.
SHE'S OUR WORSHIP LEADER FOR OUR MOVEMENT
AND SHE'S EXTREMELY ANOINTED.
AND I THANK GOD FOR IT, YOU KNOW, BUT I THINK
THERE'S SOME PEOPLE LISTENING TODAY LIKE,
WHAT DOES YOUR MARRIAGE LOOK LIKE
IN ITS TRUEST FORM AND ITS TRUEST IDENTITY?
WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD LOOK LIKE IN THEIR TRUEST IDENTITY?
MAYBE THEY'RE A GROWN ADULT, MAYBE THEY'RE 45 YEARS OLD,
AND GOD -- THEY HAVEN'T FULFILLED THAT YET.
THEY'VE BEEN OFF TRACK.
THEY'VE BEEN MAYBE A PRODIGAL.
GOD, WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE IN THEIR TRUE IDENTITY?
CALL THAT IN, IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
AND THEN STOP MAKING IT ABOUT US AND THE MISTAKES
THAT WE MADE AND REALLY CALL IN GOD'S DESIGN FOR THEM.
>> THIS IS SO GOOD.
I KNOW WE'VE BEEN TALKING FOR A WHILE.
I DO WANT TO TAP ON MARRIAGE A LITTLE BIT
SINCE IT IS A PART OF FAMILY AND IT'S SO HUGE.
AND YOU SAID ONE THING THAT WAS IMPORTANT,
AND I THINK PEOPLE DO STRUGGLE WITH THIS,
WHICH IS PEOPLE PUTTING THEIR KIDS ABOVE THEIR MARRIAGE
BECAUSE THEY MAKE THEIR KIDS AN IDOL
AND THEN THE MARRIAGE SUFFERS EVEN THOUGH IT'S
COMING FROM A GOOD PLACE.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THAT?
>> I WOULD SAY THAT'S A BIG MISTAKE.
>> DON'T DO THAT.
AGAIN, GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN.
ASK GOD, DO I HAVE A FEAR OF LOSING MY CHILDREN.
BECAUSE USUALLY WHAT WE ARE WHITE KNUCKLE GRIPPING
IN CONTROL LIKE THAT IS BECAUSE
WE'RE AFRAID OF LOSING THEM.
AND I WOULD EVEN ASK THE QUESTION,
HAVE YOU FULLY FORGIVEN YOUR MOM AND DAD,
EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT LIVING ANYMORE.
RIGHT, LIKE, SOME PEOPLE, THEIR PARENTS PASS AWAY
WHEN THEY'RE YOUNG AND BECAUSE OF THAT LOSS
THEY'RE GOING TO HOLD ON, RIGHT?
SO MAYBE SOMEBODY FEELS LIKE THEY ACTUALLY LOST
THEIR CHILDHOOD AND SO THEY'RE GOING TO
HOLD ONTO THEIR KIDS AND JUST BE LIKE,
OH, MY MARRIAGE WILL BE FINE.
BUT THIS RIGHT HERE,
I CAN'T LOSE THIS.
THAT'S AN IDOL.
AND SO WHAT YOUR KIDS NEED FROM YOU
IS ACTUALLY THE STABILITY.
IN A FAMILY UNIT
DAD IS THE PERSONA OF FATHER GOD.
MOTHER IS THE PERSONA OF HOLY SPIRIT.
SIBLINGS AND FRIENDS ARE THE PERSONA OF JESUS,
IT'S ACTUALLY THE TRINITY.
AND SO TO BRING THE FULLNESS
OF THE GODHEAD, THE THREE IN ONE,
THAT'S WHERE YOU START IS IN MARRIAGE.
THE UNION OF LOVE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN
IS THE ACTUAL GROUNDING OF A CHILD
TO KNOW WHO GOD IS THROUGH THE EXAMPLE OF FAMILY.
>> YEAH. AND ONE OF THE THINGS I'M THINKING IS,
YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS WILL -- THEY WILL ALWAYS HAVE
A PART IN YOUR LIFE, BUT THEY WILL GROW UP
AND THEY WILL MARRY AND THEY WILL LEAVE AND CLEAVE,
AND START THEIR OWN FAMILIES.
AND YOUR MARRIAGE WILL BE ALL
>> DRIED UP.
>> YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T LOVE, YOU KNOW, POUR INTO THAT,
WHAT'S GOING TO BE LEFT?
AND SO I THINK PEOPLE GET SO CAUGHT UP
IN THE MOMENT LOVING THEIR KIDS.
BUT THEN MAKING THAT MISTAKE OF NEGLECTING
THEIR MARRIAGE.
ARE THERE ANY IDOLS THAT YOU WOULD SAY
KIND OF STAND OUT TO YOU THAT HAPPEN
IN MARRIAGE THAT YOU WANT TO TAP ON, OR IS IT MORE KIDS?
>> YEAH.
THE IDOL OF SELF IS PRETTY BIG.
>> TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF OVER YOUR SPOUSE.
>> YEAH, SELF, LIKE, I WANT TO BE IMPORTANT.
I WANT TO BE AN INFLUENCER.
AND I LOVE EVERY AGE GROUP.
I LOVE GEN Z AND MILLENNIALS SO MUCH,
AND ALPHA.
THE MILLENNIALS, I FEEL, YOU KNOW,
THEY CAME IN WHEN SOCIAL MEDIA
HIT THE SCENE AND THE PHONES HIT THE SCENE.
AND SO THEY'VE LIVED IN A -- THERE'S THIS WORLD OUT THERE
THAT TELLS YOU, YOU NEED TO BE SOMEBODY TO THE WORLD.
AND THAT IS A TRAP AND I'VE SEEN MARRIAGES END OVER IT.
>> WOW.
>> BECAUSE IT'S I WANT TO BE SOMEBODY FOR SOMEBODY
INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, I REALLY LOOK TO
TWO PEOPLE TO PLEASE, AND THAT IS GOD AND MY HUSBAND.
AND IF THEY'RE PLEASED WITH ME,
I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.
BUT WHEN YOU WANT THE WORLD TO IDOLIZE YOU,
THAT'S WHAT IDOLIZING SELF IS,
YOU WANT THE WORLD TO IDOLIZE YOU,
AND YOU WANT TO BE THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING.
AND, YOU KNOW, MAKING YOUR SPOUSE
WAIT ON YOU 24/7
AND NOT CONSIDERING THEIR DREAMS,
NOT CONSIDERING WHAT'S IN THEIR HEART,
AND HOW YOU CAN COMPLEMENT THAT,
HOW YOU CAN ENCOURAGE THAT AND WORK TOGETHER.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE NOT ON A MISSION TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, I WOULD SAY 911 TO THAT PERSON RIGHT NOW.
AND TAKE YOURSELF OFF THE ALTAR.
HAVING FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM, YOU KNOW, SURE.
I LOVE -- I LOVE SOCIAL MEDIA.
WE CAN PREACH THE GOSPEL THROUGH IT, BUT MY IMPACT
IS NOT MEASURED BY HOW MANY PEOPLE FOLLOW ME
ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
MY IMPACT IN HEAVEN WILL NOT HAVE A NUMBER
FOR THAT, AND SO THAT'S A REAL THING
THAT I'VE SEEN YOUNG MARRIAGES GO THROUGH
THAT HAVE TORN THEM APART.
AND THAT HAS TO BE TAKEN SUPER SERIOUS
BECAUSE THE ONLY AUDIENCE I CARE ABOUT
AS A MARRIED WOMAN IS GOD AND MY HUSBAND.
>> THAT'S SO GOOD.
WELL, I FEEL LIKE THERE'S PEOPLE THAT ARE WATCHING
THAT ARE PROBABLY FEELING CONVICTION
ON PROBABLY DIFFERENT THINGS THAT YOU BROUGHT UP.
CAN YOU JUST LEAD THE PEOPLE IN A PRAYER
WHO ARE FEELING LIKE,
OH, I -- I'VE MADE MY KID AN IDOL,
I'VE MADE MY MARRIAGE AN IDOL.
YOU KNOW, MY IDEA OF MY DREAM FAMILY AN IDOL.
CAN YOU JUST PRAY AND JUST HELP BREAK THAT OFF
AND JUST SPEAK LIFE OVER THOSE PEOPLE WATCHING?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
AND I WOULD LOVE FOR PEOPLE TO JUST
REPEAT AFTER ME BECAUSE THE VOICE MEANS LIGHT,
AND LIGHT ALWAYS EXPOSES DARKNESS,
AND LIGHT ALWAYS OVERCOMES DARKNESS.
SO WHEN YOU SPEAK, YOU ACTUALLY
SEND LIGHT BEAMS INTO THE DARK PLACE
AND IT DOES LIKE LASER SURGERY.
IT EXPOSES, IT CUTS DOWN TO THE ROOT.
AND SO JUST REPEAT AFTER ME.
SAY, FATHER GOD,
>> FATHER GOD.
>> I RECOGNIZE THAT I HAVE THE IDOL OF,
AND GO AHEAD AND FILL IN THE BLANK.
I RECOGNIZE THAT I HAVE THE IDOL OF, JUST GO AHEAD
AND SAY THAT, AND I ASK YOU, LORD,
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO KNOW ABOUT THE PAIN
THAT'S CONNECTED TO THIS IDOL?
WOULD YOU REVEAL TO ME
WHERE YOU WANT TO HEAL ME,
SO THAT YOU CAN COMFORT ME AND NOT THIS IDOL.
GOD, I'M LISTENING.
I'M OPEN TO THE JOURNEY OF YOU
BEING MY COMFORT,
OF YOU BEING MY SOURCE,
AND YOU BEING THE ONLY GOD I SERVE.
SO I RENOUNCE THIS IDOL.
I SEVER MYSELF FROM IT ENTIRELY
WITH THE BLOOD OF JESUS.
I AM CLEANSED AND MADE WHOLE.
THE SIN OF THIS IDOL IS COMPLETELY FORGIVEN
BY YOUR BLOOD.
AND I CHOOSE TO WALK IN FREEDOM WITH YOU TODAY.
FATHER GOD, HELP ME TO HONOR YOU,
TO LOVE YOU, TO PRAISE YOU,
AND TO WORSHIP YOU AND YOU ALONE.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
I NEED YOUR GUIDANCE.
I NEED YOUR SPIRIT.
BUT I SAY YES.
FATHER, HELP ME FORGIVE
ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY PAST
THAT I AM HOLDING HOSTAGE,
HOLDING BITTERNESS AGAINST,
HOLDING A FENCE TOWARDS.
I FORGIVE, AND YOU MIGHT NEED TO LIST
THOSE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
I FORGIVE AND I WANT YOU TO SEE YOURSELF OPENING UP
THE PRISON DOOR OF YOUR HEART.
AND THEN LITERALLY JUST WALKING OUT.
THEY DON'T BELONG THERE.
AND THEN I'D LIKE YOU TO TAKE SOMETHING LIKE AN AX
OR A BLOWTORCH OR SOMETHING AND BLOW THAT PRISON DOWN
BECAUSE THAT DOES NOT BELONG IN YOUR HEART.
THE PEOPLE THAT WE HOLD THINGS AGAINST AND WE
FEEL THAT THEY OWE US SOMETHING AND AS THEY
WALK OUT OF THAT PRISON,
I WANT YOU TO JUST SAY,
I BLESS YOU.
YOU OWE ME NOTHING.
I TAKE BACK WHAT'S MINE,
AND I GIVE YOU WHAT'S YOURS.
WE THANK YOU FOR THAT, JESUS.
WE LOVE YOU.
WE HONOR YOU.
WE THANK YOU FOR WHOLENESS AND HEALING TODAY
IN JESUS' NAME.
AMEN.
>> AMEN.
SO FREEING.
I LOVE THAT.
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, JENNY.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> I ALWAYS LOVE HAVING YOU HERE.
AND YOU'LL COME BACK?
>> I LOVE BEING HERE. YES.
>> YAY!