OUR WORLD JUST CRUMBLED.
WE LOST THE CHURCH.
WE LOST OUR MARRIAGE.
WE LOST OUR WAY.
I CAME FROM A PASTOR'S HOME.
AND THEN I GO INTO BEING A PASTOR'S WIFE.
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
I'VE DONE THIS JESUS THING.
I'M GONNA TRY THE WORLD.
AND I GOT CAUGHT UP IN ALL THE WRONG CROWD,
DOING THE WRONG THINGS, MEDICATING MY PAIN.
I THOUGHT I WAS LIVING THE LIFE AND I'M OVER HERE,
I FIND MYSELF PREGNANT.
I'M AT THE ROCK BOTTOM.
THERE'S MOMENTS WHERE YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU'RE GONNA GET PAST THIS DAY.
FROM THAT PLACE OF PAIN THAT IS NOW HEALED,
HE MINISTERS THROUGH IT.
A HOPELESS SITUATION.
IT'S NOT BEYOND HOPE.
GOD'S GOT YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
WELCOME BACK TO THE REBECCA WEISS PODCAST.
I AM WITH M'LISA WHO -- FUN NAME BY THE WAY,
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN, YOU'RE A PASTOR
AT THE ROCK CHURCH IN ARIZONA.
BUT YOU'VE BEEN PASTORING A MINISTRY
FOR HOW MANY YEARS NOW?
WELL, ALTOGETHER, OH, MY GOODNESS,
PROBABLY 35 OR 36 YEARS.
BUT THERE IS THAT BREAK THAT WE TOOK IN BETWEEN.
WE PASTORED FOR SEVEN,
THEN WE TOOK ABOUT A FOUR-YEAR BREAK.
AND THEN WE HAVE BEEN PASTORING
28 YEARS THIS MARCH.
SO, GUYS, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STAY TUNED FOR THIS,
BECAUSE THIS IS QUITE A STORY.
YEAH.
AND IT'S A REDEMPTION STORY.
AND I LOVE HEARING PEOPLE'S TESTIMONIES.
TO ME, TESTIMONIES ARE SOME OF THE MOST ENCOURAGING THINGS
PEOPLE CAN HEAR BECAUSE IT'S JUST
NO ONE CAN ARGUE WITH YOUR OWN PERSONAL STORY
AND SEE WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH SOMEONE'S LIFE
AND WORKING IT ALL TOGETHER.
AND THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN THROUGH IT
AND SHE'S BEEN TRIED AND TESTED AND SHE'S COME OUT
EVEN BETTER BECAUSE OF IT.
SO LET'S GET INTO THE STORY.
LOVE IT.
START WHERE YOU WANT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY HAS A STORY.
THAT'S WHAT'S BEAUTIFUL IS I FEEL LIKE IN MY LIFETIME
I HAVE EXPERIENCED SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS,
BUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAS POINTED ME TO
HELP PEOPLE IN WHATEVER JOURNEY THEY'RE AT,
WHETHER IT'S ABUSE.
I MEAN, I STARTED OUT,
AND I WAS MOLESTED AT NINE YEARS OLD.
AND THEN I WENT INTO A MARRIAGE AT A REALLY YOUNG AGE.
WE GOT MARRIED WHEN I WAS TEN DAYS
OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.
WHAT?
YEAH, CRAZY, I KNOW.
BUT WE JUST WERE SO IN LOVE,
AND WE THOUGHT WE HAD ALL THE ANSWERS.
AND WE WERE GOING TO JUST CHANGE THE WORLD.
AND SO WE DIVE HEADLONG INTO MINISTRY RIGHT AWAY
BECAUSE HE COMES FROM A PASTOR'S HOME,
I COME FROM A PASTOR'S HOME.
WE THINK WE KNOW IT ALL.
SO WE START PASTORING,
AND AFTER SEVEN YEARS OF PASTORING
AND TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE,
OUR LIVES JUST STARTED CRUMBLING.
I MEAN, WE WERE BROKEN AND WE DIDN'T REALIZE
HOW BROKEN WE WERE,
AND WE DIDN'T GET FIXED.
AND WE DIDN'T DO THE RIGHT THINGS NECESSARY
BECAUSE WE'RE PASTORS AND WE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
WE HAD THE ABILITY TO GO TO ANYBODY.
WE WERE HIDDEN IN OUR SECRETS AND OUR STRUGGLES
AND OUR PAIN.
AND IT WASN'T REALLY LOOKED AS A POSITIVE THING
BACK THEN TO GET COUNSELING.
IT WAS ACTUALLY VERY TABOO.
AND ONLY THE REALLY SICK PEOPLE, OR THE MENTAL HEALTH
OR WHATEVER, WHATEVER THAT LOOKED LIKE BACK THEN
THAT WERE THE ONLY -- THOSE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE
THAT ACTUALLY SAW COUNSELORS.
AND SO WE WERE LIKE, OKAY.
SO WE JUST HAVE TO TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT ON OUR OWN.
AND WE DIDN'T -- WE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THE RIGHT THINGS.
WE WERE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO,
IS WHAT I TELL PEOPLE.
AND SO WE ARE IN THIS MARRIAGE, AND MY HUSBAND AND I,
WE'RE BROKEN AND WE'RE LOST,
AND WE'RE EMPTY INSIDE.
AND WHEN YOU'RE EMPTY INSIDE AND YOU'RE LONELY
AND YOU'RE HURTING,
YOU POSSIBLY WILL FILL YOURSELF UP WITH THE WRONG THINGS,
AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT WE DID.
AND WE LOOKED TO OTHER THINGS TO FILL OUR LIVES.
AND HE LOOKED TO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, AND SO DID I,
AND WE JUST LITERALLY FELL APART.
MY HUSBAND, IN THE LAST YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE,
WAS ACTING REALLY ABNORMAL.
AND I KNEW HE WASN'T SLEEPING.
I KNEW HE WAS IN DEEP DEPRESSION.
HE WOULD BE --
HE'S THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
MOST OF THE TIME.
BUT THEN HE WOULD CRASH AND BURN AND HE WOULD BE
DEPRESSED IN BED
AND I COULDN'T GET HIM OUT OF BED.
AND IT WAS LIKE THESE REALLY HUGE HIGHS
AND REALLY LOW LOWS.
AND I THOUGHT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU,
BUT BACK THEN, ONCE AGAIN,
MENTAL HEALTH WASN'T WELL-KNOWN ABOUT.
AND SO HE WAS EVENTUALLY DIAGNOSED
MANIC-DEPRESSIVE, BIPOLAR
AND OUR WORLD JUST CRUMBLED.
WE LOST THE CHURCH.
WE LOST OUR MARRIAGE.
WE LOST OUR WAY.
I CAME FROM A PASTOR'S HOME AND THEN I GO INTO
BEING A PASTOR'S WIFE,
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
I'VE DONE THIS JESUS THING,
I'M GONNA TRY THE WORLD.
AND I LITERALLY WENT INTO THE CLUBS
AND STARTED DRINKING
AND I STARTED DOING CRYSTAL METH.
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A SAYING THAT SAYS
WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH,
YOU KNOW, WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE,
SHOW ME YOUR FRIENDS,
I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR FUTURE.
AND THAT REALLY WAS TRUE FOR ME.
I GOT CAUGHT UP IN ALL THE WRONG CROWD,
DOING THE WRONG THINGS, MEDICATING MY PAIN.
I THOUGHT I WAS LIVING THE LIFE.
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
THIS IS REALLY ME.
AND THIS IS WHO I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO BE
ALL MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND THIS IS REALLY SO MUCH FUN.
AND THERE IS FUN IN SIN FOR A SEASON.
THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS.
BUT THEN IT STARTED SPIRALING AND COMING
CRASHING DOWN AND IT JUST LED ME DOWN A PATH
OF DRUGS AND SLEEPING WITH GUYS.
AND YOU JUST -- ALL THE THINGS TO TRY TO
MEDICATE MY PAIN.
AND I FOUND MYSELF
ADDICTED, SAD, LONELY, BROKEN.
AND I WAS PREGNANT.
WELL, MY HUSBAND ON THE OTHER SIDE,
HE WAS, OF COURSE,
FINDING HIS OWN JOURNEY OF HEALTH
AND GOD MIRACULOUSLY TOOK HIM THROUGH A HEALING JOURNEY
FOR HIS MIND.
HE WENT THROUGH A PROCESS OF
JUST PUTTING THE WORD OF GOD
IN HIS HEART AND IN HIS MIND
AND RENEWING HIS MIND AND PUTTING SCRIPTURES IN,
AND HE HAS HIS OWN JOURNEY AND HIS OWN STORY TO TELL,
BUT GOD LITERALLY MIRACULOUSLY HEALED HIM
FROM BEING MANIC-DEPRESSIVE, BIPOLAR.
HE'S BEEN 30-PLUS YEARS,
HE HAS NOT HAD AN OUNCE OF DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY
AND HASN'T HAD MEDICATION,
AND GOD JUST HAS MIRACULOUSLY HEALED HIS MIND
AND HIS EMOTIONS.
SO HE'S OVER HERE GETTING HIS HEALING JOURNEY
AND FINDING, YOU KNOW, HIS PATH THAT HE REALLY WANTED
HIS FAMILY BACK.
HE WANTED HIS LIFE BACK.
HE WANTED TO BE, YOU KNOW,
EVERYTHING THAT SATAN HAD STOLEN
AND WHAT HE HAD DONE HIMSELF TO HIS -- TO HIMSELF.
AND I'M OVER HERE,
I FIND MYSELF PREGNANT.
I'M AT THE ROCK BOTTOM AND I LITERALLY WENT
TO BE WITH HIM BECAUSE WE HAD JOINT CUSTODY WITH THE BOYS,
AND HE LIVED IN CALIFORNIA AND I LIVED IN ARIZONA.
SO I HAD TO GO AND BE IN CALIFORNIA WITH HIM
TO VISIT THE BOYS AND BE WITH THE BOYS.
AND I JUST WAS IN A VERY UNHEALTHY PLACE.
I HAD JUST HAD THE ABORTION.
I WAS A MESS.
I WAS A MESS EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY.
EVERY PART OF ME WAS JUST BROKEN.
AND HE HELD ME AND HE LOVED ME AND HE SAID,
YOU KNOW WHAT, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS.
WE CAN GET PAST THIS.
GOD IS A HEALING GOD AND HE LOVES AND HE RESTORES,
AND THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THAT HE CAN'T DO FOR YOU
AND WITH US TOGETHER.
WE CAN DO THIS.
AND THAT WAS REALLY THE MELTING PART OF MY HEART
THAT JUST ALLOWED ME TO JUST SAY
OKAY, GOD, LET'S TRY THIS.
LET'S DO THIS.
AND IT WASN'T FAIRYTALE, BUTTERFLIES AND ROSES
AND CARE BEARS.
IT WAS HARD.
THAT JOURNEY WAS NOT AN EASY JOURNEY.
BUT WE FOUGHT FOR WHAT WE WANTED FOR OUR FUTURE
AND FOR OUR FAMILY.
SO WE WENT TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING AND REALLY DID
ALL THE THINGS THAT WE KNEW THAT
WE POSSIBLY COULD DO TO PUT US BACK TOGETHER
AND HEAL US,
AND WE DID.
WE JUST, WE TOOK THE JOURNEY ON
AND WE DID THE WORK.
AND GOD MIRACULOUSLY PUT US BACK TOGETHER.
WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
WE HAVE FUN.
WE HAVE DATES AND ADVENTURES AND I CAN'T
IMAGINE ANYBODY ELSE BEING MY PURPOSE PARTNER BUT HIM.
HE IS MY LIFE AND I LOVE HIM AND IT WAS
GOD THAT JUST LITERALLY, IF WE -- IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE.
I TELL EVERYBODY,
YOU KNOW, THEY THEY WANT THE MIRACULOUS
AND THEY'RE LIKE,
OH, I WANT YOUR STORY.
IT DOES TAKE TWO PEOPLE.
THERE'S NOT JUST ONE PERSON THAT CAN PUT IN
ALL THE WORK AND WANT IT.
IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE SURRENDERED TO GOD
COMPLETELY SAYING, HERE I AM, GOD.
DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH ME AND I'LL DO
WHATEVER YOU ASK ME TO DO.
AND WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE SURRENDERED
AND DOING IT HIS WAY,
THEN THEY'RE GOING TO SEE A GOD OUTCOME.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO RECEIVE.
AND SO WE GET MARRIED,
WE GO BACK INTO MINISTRY BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WAS,
YOU KNOW, OUR CHURCH WAS BURNED OUT OF US SEEING
THAT WE WANTED A CHURCH THAT ANYBODY COULD WALK INTO.
IN FACT, THE MODEL OF OUR CHURCH IS A CHURCH
THAT CARES WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND NOT WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
AND THAT WAS BIRTHED OUT OF OUR HEARTS.
THAT'S A GREAT PHRASE.
YEAH, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE,
HOW BROKEN YOU'VE BEEN, HOW MESSED UP,
HOW FAR GONE YOU'VE GONE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
GOD IS WAITING AND HE'S LONGING
TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
AND THAT'S WHAT OUR CHURCH WAS BIRTHED OUT OF,
WAS OUR MISTAKES, OUR PROBLEMS.
AND WE WANT TO WELCOME EVERYBODY INTO OUR DOORS
THAT FEELS LIKE THERE'S NO PLACE FOR THEM
AND THAT THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THEM.
GOD IS THE PLACE AND GOD IS THE HOPE.
YEAH, THE BEST KIND OF MINISTERS ARE PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE SAY I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW ANYONE
THAT DOESN'T WALK WITH A LIMP,
AND THEY'RE REFERRING TO JACOB,
HOW HE WAS MARKED BY GOD IN THAT BATTLE
WHERE HE WRESTLED.
YEAH.
AND HE HAD A LIMP EVER SINCE BUT HE WAS CHANGED
FROM THAT EXPERIENCE.
AND IT'S PEOPLE WHO GO THROUGH TRIALS
AND ARE TESTED AND PERSEVERE
AND SUBMIT THEIR LIVES TO GOD,
AND ALLOW GOD TO TAKE THEIR BROKENNESS
AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT.
NOT ONLY DOES GOD TAKE THAT PERSON AND DO
SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL WITH IT, BUT FROM THAT PLACE OF PAIN
THAT IS NOW HEALED, HE MINISTERS THROUGH IT
TO PEOPLE WHO'VE GONE THROUGH SAME OR SIMILAR THINGS.
AND I DON'T WANT TO GO --
I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW SOMEONE WHO HASN'T BEEN TESTED.
I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW SOMEONE WHO HASN'T BEEN TRIED,
OR SOMEONE WHO HASN'T SUFFERED,
BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU --
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUT BEFORE -- THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO THE STORY
AND I KNOW I WANT TO GET INTO IT,
BUT I WANT TO TAP ON A FEW THINGS.
OKAY.
FROM WHAT YOU'VE JUST SAID RIGHT THERE.
TWO THINGS.
ONE, BECAUSE I THINK THIS WOULD HELP A LOT OF PEOPLE,
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WAS AFFECTED, AND THERE WAS
A LOT OF DIFFERENT FACTORS WITH YOUR MARRIAGE
AND WE NEED TO -- WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU SAID
IS YOU BOTH WENT THROUGH A PROCESS SEPARATELY OF HEALING.
AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH A PROCESS
TO BRING YOUR MARRIAGE BACK TOGETHER.
AND WE WANT TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE'RE LOOKING AT
A FINISHED PRODUCT.
BUT YOU SAID IT WAS A LOT OF HARD WORK
AND IT WAS PROCESS.
BUT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
AFFECTED THE MARRIAGE IN THE BEGINNING WAS THAT
YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY
AND HE HAD REJECTED YOU.
AND YOU FELT LIKE YOU NEEDED TO PROVE YOURSELF
TO HIM.
AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I THINK
SO MANY PEOPLE -- I CAN RELATE TO THAT.
I'VE DEALT WITH REJECTION, AND I THINK SO MANY PEOPLE
HAVE FALLEN INTO THAT TRAP.
YEAH.
CAN YOU SPEAK TO THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
I THINK ALL OF US HAVE HAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIFE
THAT WE FEEL NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
NOT WORTHY, WHATEVER IT IS.
AND THERE WAS AN EX-BOYFRIEND FROM A LONG TIME AGO,
AND I JUST -- HE REJECTED ME AND I FELT LIKE EVERY TIME
THERE WAS SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT THAT WOULD HAPPEN
IN MY LIFE,
WHETHER I WOULD HAVE A BABY, OR SOMETHING GREAT
WOULD HAPPEN IN OUR MINISTRY,
I WAS SIMPLY TRYING TO LET HIM SEE
LOOK AT WHAT YOU MISSED OUT ON.
LOOK AT HOW GREAT I AM.
LOOK AT WHAT YOU COULD HAVE HAD
WAS MORE MY -- MORE MY HEART OR WHAT I --
WHAT I WAS DEALING WITH AT THE TIME
BECAUSE I WANTED TO PROVE THAT I WASN'T
JUST A LOSER, THAT YOU JUST THREW AWAY.
AND IT REALLY ADDED SOME ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS
IN MY MARRIAGE
BECAUSE I CONTINUED TO CONTACT, THROUGHOUT MY MARRIAGE,
AND IT JUST BROKE MY HUSBAND'S HEART.
AND HE JUST HAD TRUST ISSUES AND IT BROKE HIM.
I MEAN THAT WAS ONE AREA THAT REALLY BROKE HIM.
AND I THINK THAT THAT WAS WHAT LED HIM DOWN THE PATH
TO MAKING THE DECISIONS THAT HE MADE.
HE WAS JUST EMPTY AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
HE COULD EVER MEASURE UP
OR HE WAS EVER GOOD ENOUGH.
SO MANY PEOPLE ARE ON THAT WHEEL, TRYING TO PROVE
THAT THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO THE PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES,
AND IT'S JUST -- IT'LL NEVER
IT NEVER PANS OUT, RIGHT.
HOW DID YOU BREAK FREE FROM THE REJECTION
YOU FELT AND WAS ABLE TO SETTLE INTO
I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO THE LORD, GOD LOVES ME AS I AM,
AND I DON'T NEED THE APPROVAL OF MAN.
RIGHT.
THAT REALLY IS IT,
IS FINDING HEALING IN MY OWN HEART OF WHO I WAS
ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE.
AND IT DOESN'T HAVE THE WORTH OF A PERSON
THAT HAS TO HAVE THE STAMP OF APPROVAL,
OR THE GOOD ENOUGH.
AND IT REALLY WAS JUST SEEING THE BROKENNESS
THAT I HAD CAUSED MY HUSBAND,
THAT I JUST COULDN'T KEEP DOING.
I MEAN, IT JUST WAS SOMETHING THAT HAD JUST BROKEN ME,
LIKE, LOOK AT WHAT I'M DOING TO THIS OTHER HUMAN BEING
JUST BECAUSE OF MY PRIDE.
JUST BECAUSE OF MY FEELING OF WANTING TO PROVE SOMETHING
TO SOMEBODY ELSE, WHICH DOESN'T MATTER.
AND GOD HEALED MY HEART.
HE HEALED ME, HE HEALED MY HUSBAND,
HE HEALED OUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF ME
FINDING MY CONFIDENCE IN GOD,
ME FINDING MY CONFIDENCE IN WHO REALLY DOES MATTER.
WHO REALLY DOES MATTER IS HIM AND HIM ALONE,
AND MY HUSBAND.
THAT'S THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT REALLY MATTERED,
IS THE APPROVAL OF THOSE TWO PEOPLE.
THAT'S SO GOOD.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH TALKING ABOUT THE ABORTION?
ABSOLUTELY.
WHAT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEEDED TO GET IT
AND WHAT WAS YOUR --
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I THINK ABORTION IS SO
HEAVILY TALKED ABOUT THESE DAYS,
AND I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN
TO HEAR THESE STORIES BECAUSE I THINK
I'VE HEARD FROM OTHER WOMEN,
IF I COULD JUST PREVENT WOMEN FROM DOING IT,
THEY'D BE SO MUCH HAPPIER NOT.
IT'S JUST A LIE THAT THEY FALL INTO.
SO CAN YOU SPEAK OF YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH THAT?
WELL, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF DRUG USE AND ALCOHOL.
AND I WAS ON -- AT THAT TIME,
I'M GOING TO KIND OF GIVE A LITTLE BIT OF BACKSTORY.
AT THAT TIME,
I HAD LITERALLY FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY
THAT I THOUGHT WAS GOING TO BE MY FUTURE FOREVER.
I HAD FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY
THAT I JUST THOUGHT,
OH, HE'S EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED.
THIS WAS DURING THE DIVORCE,
OF COURSE, FROM KEVIN.
AND I JUST THOUGHT, OH, HE'S IT.
HE IS MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.
I JUST FELL FAST AND HARD FOR HIM.
AND HE BROKE MY HEART.
ONCE AGAIN, REJECTION.
HE JUST BROKE MY HEART INTO A THOUSAND PIECES.
AND WHEN HE DID THAT, I JUST WAS ON A BINGE.
I WAS DOING BAD.
I WAS SLEEPING WITH SEVERAL DIFFERENT GUYS
AND SO WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT,
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FATHER WAS.
I WAS IN SUCH A DARK PLACE.
I JUST THOUGHT I DON'T KNOW IF THIS BABY IS GOING
TO EVEN BE OKAY AS MUCH DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
THAT'S IN MY SYSTEM RIGHT NOW.
AND I JUST THOUGHT I CAN'T BRING A BABY INTO
THE HOPELESSNESS THAT I HAVE.
I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER THIS BABY.
AND IT IS THE LIE OF THE ENEMY TO GIVE YOU THAT HOPELESS,
THAT CONSTANT REEL IN YOUR HEAD
LIKE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD MOM.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE WORTHY OF, YOU KNOW,
BRINGING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD,
AND THE CHILD IS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE FATHER,
AND WHAT KIND OF FUTURE DOES THIS BABY HAVE?
YOU'RE A MESS AND YOU --
IT DOESN'T DESERVE TO COME INTO THIS WORLD LIKE THIS.
AND IF I WOULD HAVE --
I MEAN, THERE WAS PART OF ME THAT REALLY WANTED TO
BECAUSE I HAD BEEN, YOU KNOW, LIKE A PASTOR'S WIFE.
IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW THE WORD OF GOD,
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
BUT THE ENEMY ALSO LIES
AND THIS WAS 30 YEARS AGO.
THERE WAS JUST THE WHOLE IT WAS SIX WEEKS,
THIS REALLY ISN'T -- IT'S JUST A CLUMP.
IT'S NOT A BABY.
BUT NOW OVER THE YEARS THAT I'VE SEEN THE PICTURES
AND THE VISUAL OF THE PROGRESS
AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF A BABY, OF WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,
AND I'M LIKE THAT IS A LIE.
I WISHED I WOULD HAVE GONE TO SOMEWHERE
WHERE THEY WOULD HAVE DONE A SONOGRAM
OR SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE JUST MADE ME
REALIZE AND RECOGNIZE,
NO, THIS IS A LIFE THAT YOU ARE ENDING.
IT DOESN'T DESERVE THAT.
WHETHER I WOULD HAVE KEPT IT
OR WHETHER I WOULDN'T HAVE, GIVE THE BABY A CHANCE.
GIVE IT LIFE.
AND THERE WAS TORMENT AND PAIN FROM THAT
FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS.
THAT WAS HORRIBLE TO TRY TO OVERCOME, BUT, YOU KNOW,
AND I AM DEAD SET HELPING WOMEN MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE
BECAUSE OF THE PAIN THAT I'VE EXPERIENCED,
THE TORMENT IN YOUR MIND,
AND JUST THE REGRET OF WHAT I DID, YOU KNOW.
THE BABY DESERVED A CHANCE AND A LIFE,
AND I WILL NEVER KNOW THAT, BUT I KNOW THAT GOD REDEEMS.
AND SHE'S -- I BELIEVE IT WAS A HER.
I BELIEVE SHE'S IN HEAVEN WAITING FOR ME.
AND SHE'S WITH HER BROTHER, AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST --
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT GOD CAN REDEEM A STORY.
YEAH, HE CAN.
AND I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR YOU
SHARING THAT BECAUSE I KNOW
I'VE JUST TALKED TO DIFFERENT WOMEN ABOUT IT,
AND I THINK WHEN WOMEN TELL THEIR STORIES
IT HELPS OTHER WOMEN.
AND MAYBE WOMEN WHO MIGHT BE ON THE FENCE
AND THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT IT.
AND I THINK IF THEY CAN HEAR FOR SOMEONE WHO'S LIVED LIFE
SAY THIS IS HORRIBLE,
YOU THINK IN THE MOMENT YOU'RE DOING MAYBE
EVEN THE RIGHT THING, LIKE THIS IS HOPELESS,
THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR THIS BABY, BUT IT'S LIKE
IT'S NOT WORTH IT AND IT'S WORTH --
YOU KNOW, I WISH I WOULD HAVE GIVEN THIS BABY LIFE,
AND I'VE HEARD THAT FROM WOMEN
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
SO, THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT, BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S
HARD TO TALK ABOUT.
SO YOU GO TO CALIFORNIA.
YOU HAD THE ABORTION.
YEAH, YEAH, I HAD THE ABORTION.
AND ME AND MY HUSBAND, WE ACTUALLY STARTED DATING.
WE STARTED BECOMING FRIENDS.
AND HE STARTED LOVING YOU.
YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO SAY, WHEN YOU LOVE PEOPLE
WITH A SUPERNATURAL LOVE THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE,
WHICH YOUR HUSBAND TOLD ME
IT WAS A SUPERNATURAL LOVE FROM GOD.
IT WAS A GRACE THAT HE GAVE TO HELP BRING
Y'ALL BACK TOGETHER.
BUT WHEN YOU'RE LOVED WHEN IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE,
THAT BRINGS TRANSFORMATION TO PEOPLE.
SO, YOU GUYS WORKED THROUGH, I THINK I TAPPED ON
THE OTHER THINGS I WANTED TO DO,
SO PICK UP WITH YOUR STORY.
YOU GUYS GET BACK TOGETHER.
WE'RE BACK TOGETHER.
WE JUST HEAL AS A FAMILY.
WE DO OUR MARRIAGE COUNSELING.
WE JUST BECOME WHOLE AGAIN.
AND THEN IN 1997,
WE STARTED THE ROCK.
AND FOUR MONTHS AFTER STARTING THE ROCK,
WE HAVE A HORRIFIC CAR ACCIDENT.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SO CLOSE TO YOU STARTING THE CHURCH.
FOUR MONTHS AFTER WE STARTED.
HOW LONG WAS LIKE THE HEALING --
DID YOU ALL GET MARRIED
AND YOU HAD LIKE A HEALING PROCESS FOR A WHILE,
AND THEN YOU STARTED THE CHURCH.
IT WAS ABOUT THREE YEARS OF US
GETTING BACK TOGETHER,
HEALING, COUNSELING, AND THEN STARTING THE CHURCH.
SO YOU GUYS BECAME WHOLE PEOPLE?
YEAH.
MORE WHOLE, MORE HEALED.
AND THEN IT WAS TIME, BECAUSE GOD WAS CALLING YOU BACK.
WERE YOU NERVOUS TO GO BACK IN?
ABSOLUTELY. THERE WAS A WHOLE JOURNEY OF
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,
LIKE YOU HAVE GONE --
DO YOU KNOW YOUR STORY?
DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL EVER FOLLOW YOU
AS A LEADER IN THE CHURCH?
I MEAN, I KNEW I COULD SIT IN A -- IN A PEW.
BUT I WAS LIKE BUT TO GET UP FRONT AND FEEL LIKE
I HAVE A PLACE THERE THAT COULD POSSIBLY SPEAK TO PEOPLE.
BUT I RECOGNIZED IN THE BIBLE
THAT'S THE EXACT PEOPLE THAT GOD WANTS TO USE.
LIKE, HE USED RAHAB, HE USED THE WOMAN AT THE WELL,
HE USED ALL THESE STORIES RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THEIR MESS.
HE DIDN'T JUST GO,
OH, WELL, WAIT TILL YOU'RE CLEANED UP,
AND THEN I CAN USE YOU.
YOU KNOW, IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR MESS
HE'S LIKE, YOU NEED TO BE USED OF GOD,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A STORY AND YOU CAN HELP OTHER PEOPLE
AND THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO BE.
SO WE STARTED THE CHURCH FOUR MONTHS AFTER STARTING
THE CHURCH.
IN THE CAR ACCIDENT
MY WHOLE FACE WAS COMPLETELY CRUSHED.
I HAD TO HAVE TWO SURGERIES THAT CUT ME FROM EAR TO EAR,
AND PULLED MY FACE COMPLETELY OFF.
THEY COMPLETELY TOOK CARTILAGE FROM MY NOSE
TO GRAFT ME A NEW NOSE, BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY CARTILAGE LEFT IN MY NOSE.
THEY PUT PLATES AND SCREWS AROUND MY EYES.
THEY CUT ME INSIDE MY JAW TO PUT PLATES HERE
TO REATTACH MY JAW BECAUSE IT WAS COMPLETELY DETACHED.
AND I HAD PLATES AND SCREWS ON MY NECK,
AND 14-INCH RODS DOWN MY BACK.
I MEAN, I WENT THROUGH ONE SURGERY AFTER ANOTHER SURGERY
AFTER ANOTHER SURGERY.
YOU HAD BROKEN VERTEBRAE --
YEAH, I HAD FIVE BROKEN VERTEBRAE IN MY BACK AND NECK.
SO TWO WHERE I HAVE PLATES AND RODS HOLDING ALL FIVE
OF THOSE RODS AND PLATES FOR MY BACK.
AND THEN, OF COURSE,
I HAD TWO RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERIES
FOR MY FACE.
BUT IN THAT ACCIDENT, MY NINE-YEAR-OLD TWIN SON BRANDON
WAS KILLED AS WELL.
SO AS BAD AS MY FACE AND MY BODY
AND EVERYTHING WAS BROKEN,
IT WAS NO COMPARISON TO JUST THE BROKENNESS,
AND THE THING THAT MY HEART WAS EXPERIENCING.
MY EMOTIONS WERE JUST WRECKED AT THAT POINT IN TIME,
THAT I JUST -- I DIDN'T THINK I COULD EVER
BREATHE AGAIN OR LIVE AGAIN
OR SMILE AGAIN OR LAUGH AGAIN.
BUT I HAD TO HOLD ONTO JESUS.
I HAD TO PRAISE MY WAY THROUGH IT BECAUSE
THERE'S MOMENTS WHERE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU'RE GONNA GET PAST THIS DAY.
AND I JUST HAD TO PUT MY PRAISE AND WORSHIP ON
AND JUST SAY, GOD, WITHOUT YOU
I CAN'T MAKE THIS DAY.
AND I ACTUALLY FOCUSED ON MY BOYS.
MY BOYS WERE THE PURPOSE THAT I GOT UP EVERY SINGLE DAY
BECAUSE SOME PARENTS FORGET THAT THERE ARE
STILL LIVING CHILDREN THAT THEY NEED TO
GIVE ATTENTION TO.
THEIR FOCUS GOES TO THE CHILD THAT'S GONE,
AND THE ONES THAT ARE LIVING ARE LIKE,
WAIT, WHERE AM I?
DO I NOT MATTER?
YOU CAN'T EVEN GET UP AND GET DRESSED
BECAUSE YOU DON'T --
I DON'T MATTER?
THAT YOU ARE STILL A MOM TO ME.
AND THAT BECAME MY GOAL AND MY FOCUS WAS
I'M GONNA KEEP PUSHING ON AND I'M GOING TO KEEP
LIVING FOR MY BOYS AND BE THE HEALTHIEST MOM
THAT I CAN BE FOR THEM.
AND YOU FOUND OUT IN THE HOSPITAL
THAT YOUR SON HAD NOT MADE IT,
AND YOU WERE IN A DEEP, I MEAN, RECOVERY.
I MEAN YOU --
WELL, I WAS 48 HOURS I WAS UNCONSCIOUS,
BUT THEN WHEN I DID BECOME CONSCIOUS,
MY HUSBAND WALKED IN AND I'M ON MORPHINE DRIPS
AND TUBES AND ALL THIS STUFF.
AND HE WALKS IN AND I JUST ASK HIM,
I SAID, HOW IS BRANDON?
AND HE JUST STARTED IMMEDIATELY SHAKING
HIS HEAD CRYING.
AND I WAS LIKE, I JUST KNEW.
HE DIDN'T HAVE TO SAY A WORD.
I KNEW.
AND I START TRYING TO GET OUT OF BED.
I'M PULLING THE TUBES AND SCREAMING
AND I'M THROWING UP.
I KNOW THAT'S KIND OF GROSS TO SAY,
BUT, I MEAN, I JUST WAS OUT OF CONTROL.
I JUST THOUGHT IF I COULD GET TO HIM,
I COULD SAVE HIM.
AND THEY CAME IN AND STABBED ME WITH,
YOU KNOW, MORPHINE, AND JUST KNOCKED ME OUT.
SO I WOULDN'T HURT MYSELF AND SO THEY JUST
HAD TO SEDATE ME.
BUT IT WAS THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
AND YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO GO TO THE GRAVESITE,
AND YOU WENT TO THE FUNERAL IN --
YEAH, THEY GAVE ME A TWO-HOUR PASS.
MY HUSBAND ACTUALLY FOUGHT FOR THAT.
THEY WEREN'T EVEN GONNA LET ME GO DO THAT.
BUT HE FOUGHT AND FOUGHT FOR ME
TO BE TAKEN BY AMBULANCE FOR A TWO-HOUR PASS
TO BE ABLE TO GO AND LAY ON THE FRONT ROW
OF THE CHURCH FOR THE FUNERAL.
BUT THEN THEY IMMEDIATELY TOOK ME BY AMBULANCE BACK
AND I COULDN'T DO THE GRAVESIDE OR ANYTHING ELSE.
AND SO AFTER THAT EXPERIENCE
YOU DIDN'T REALLY GET THE CLOSURE THAT YOU NEEDED
BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO GO TO THE GRAVESIDE
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
AND SO YOU WERE PROCESSING
AND STRUGGLING WITH THAT.
CAN YOU TELL HOW GOD HELPED BRING YOU CLOSURE?
YEAH.
WELL, EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY GOT TO GO
SAY GOODBYE TO BRANDON
WHILE HE WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL.
AND HE WAS IN A SEPARATE HOSPITAL THAN I WAS
AND I WAS IN TOO CRITICAL OF A CONDITION
TO BE ABLE TO GO AND SAY MY GOODBYES TO HIM.
SO THAT WAS -- THAT WAS THE CLOSURE THAT I WAS LIKE,
I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE HIM AND SAY MY GOODBYES TO HIM.
AND SO THERE WAS A MOMENT THAT I WAS REALLY
FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF AND REALLY DOWN
AND JUST SOMEWHAT SAD.
JUST, WHY AM I STILL HERE?
I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I KNEW I HAD MORE SURGERIES
THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH
AND I WAS LIKE, GOD,
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO?
WHY AM I HERE?
AND GOD SPOKE TO MY HEART, LIKE, THERE'S PURPOSE
FOR YOU TO BE HERE AND DON'T MISS THAT PURPOSE.
DON'T GET UP ONE DAY WITHOUT KNOWING THAT
THERE'S A REASON THAT I LEFT YOU HERE.
AND I'VE MADE THAT MY LIFE'S GOAL.
NOW, GOD, WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY?
I DON'T WANT TO MISS THAT PURPOSE.
SO I DIDN'T WANT TO GET UP ONE DAY AND WASTE A BREATH,
LIKE THERE'S NOT ONE DAY THAT THERE'S NOT PURPOSE
THAT WE'RE HERE ON EARTH FOR.
YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT.
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN TO WHAT IS MY PURPOSE TODAY, GOD?
AND THAT'S MY PRAYER EVERY MORNING.
GOD, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY
THAT YOU WANT ME TO ACCOMPLISH AND DO FOR YOU,
AND THAT HAS KEPT ME GOING EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE THEN.
BUT THAT SPECIFIC TIME I WENT TO SLEEP,
AND THERE WAS A KNOCK AT THE BACK DOOR
AND SO I WENT AND I OPENED THE BACK DOOR.
AND THERE WAS MY SON BRANDON.
I WAS LIKE SHOCKED, LIKE,
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE BACK.
YOU'RE HERE.
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME WITH THIS CUTE LITTLE SMILE.
HE'S LIKE, HE LET ME COME SEE YOU
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
AND I WAS LIKE, I DON'T CARE.
JUST COME HERE AND SO I GRABBED HIM.
AND I CARRIED HIM OVER TO THE COUCH.
AND I LOOKED AT HIS LITTLE FACE.
AND I WAS LIKE, BRANDON,
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
I JUST WANT TO GO BE WITH YOU.
HE GOES, I KNOW,
BUT IT'S JUST GOING TO BE A LITTLE WHILE.
AND I SAID, ARE YOU OKAY?
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
ARE YOU OKAY?
AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND AT THAT MOMENT,
HE STARTED SMILING
AND THERE WAS THIS GLOW AROUND HIM.
HIS WHOLE HEAD AND FACE JUST RADIATED WITH THIS JOY,
AND THIS BRIGHT LIGHT AROUND HIM.
AND HE JUST SAID, IT IS WONDERFUL, MOMMY.
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW WONDERFUL IT IS.
AND I JUST WAS LIKE, AT THAT MOMENT, MY MOMMY'S HEART,
JUST, IT MELTED.
AND I WAS LIKE, OH, MY GOSH.
I'VE NEVER SEEN BRANDON, HE WAS ALWAYS HAPPY,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM THIS HAPPY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS KIND OF JOY IN MY SON'S FACE.
AND I JUST THOUGHT, HE'S OKAY.
HE'S OKAY WITHOUT HIS MOMMY.
I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, HE'S RUNNING IN THE STREETS OF GOLD
WONDERING WHERE I'M AT, BUT HE'S WITH JESUS
AND HE'S OKAY.
HE'S ABSOLUTELY BETTER THAN HE'S EVER BEEN,
AND IT JUST GAVE THIS MOMMY'S HEART CLOSURE.
AND SO I WAS JUST, AT THAT MOMENT, ABLE TO TAKE HIM
IN MY ARMS AND I ROCKED HIM.
AND I KISSED HIS LITTLE FOREHEAD,
AND I RAN MY FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR,
AND I SANG TO HIM.
AND I JUST -- I LOVED ON HIM.
IT FELT LIKE ALL-NIGHT LONG.
AND THEN THE SUN STARTED COMING UP THROUGH
THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW.
AND HE SAID, HE TOLD ME WHEN THE SUN CAME UP
I HAD TO GO BACK.
AND SO I SAID, OKAY.
AND SO I WALKED HIM TO THE BACK DOOR
AND I KISSED HIS LITTLE FOREHEAD
AND I SHUT THE DOOR.
AND WHEN I SHUT THE DOOR,
IMMEDIATELY, I WOKE UP AND I WAS LIKE,
THAT WAS A DREAM -- THAT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN A DREAM.
I KNOW I WAS WITH BRANDON.
NOBODY TO THIS DAY COULD EVER CONVINCE ME
THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE
OF BEING WITH MY SON THAT NIGHT.
I MEAN, I FELT HIM.
I SMELLED HIS HAIR.
I RAN MY FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR.
I FELT HIS SKIN.
I'M LIKE, HE WAS WITH ME.
I WAS LIKE, THAT WAS A GIFT FROM GOD FOR THIS
MOMMY'S HEART TO BE ABLE TO MOVE PAST THAT POINT.
THAT'S SO GOOD.
I JUST LOVE HOW GOD KNOWS WHAT WE NEED.
YEAH.
AND HE WAS ABLE TO GIVE YOU THAT EXPERIENCE
AND WHEN HE WAS SAYING, HE LET ME COME
SEE YOU FOR A WHILE, HE WAS TALKING ABOUT JESUS.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
AND IT'S JUST, I DON'T KNOW,
IT'S SUCH A COOL STORY.
AND, OH, I JUST LOVE IT.
YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK.
YES.
WHERE YOU TALK ABOUT, BECAUSE THERE ARE
MORE STORIES THAN THIS.
SO MANY STORIES.
TALK ABOUT THE BOOK AND WHAT THE MOTIVATION,
LIKE, WHAT WAS YOUR HEART BEHIND IT AND YOUR INTENTION
FOR PEOPLE READING IT?
WELL, OF COURSE, I'VE BEEN WRITING THE STORY OF MY LIFE
MY WHOLE LIFE AND I DIDN'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE
VISION BOARDS AND DREAMS, I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK.
THAT WASN'T MY DREAM,
BUT I DID KNOW THAT MY JOURNEY HAS HEALING IN IT.
I DID KNOW THAT EVERYTHING THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH
HAS PURPOSE.
YEAH.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO WASTE THAT PURPOSE.
SO WHETHER IT'S FROM A LITTLE GIRL THAT WAS ABUSED,
TO THE REJECTION, TO FINDING YOURSELF IN A DARK PLACE
OF FEELING LOST, OR YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR WAY OUT,
YOU'RE IN ADDICTION,
YOU NEED FREEDOM.
WHATEVER IT IS, TO A MARRIAGE THAT YOU'RE JUST --
YOU'RE LIVING IN EMPTINESS AND LONELINESS
AND PAIN, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ANSWERS
AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO --
DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER,
TO LOSING A CHILD AND THE DEPTH OF
PAIN AND DESPAIR THAT COMES FROM THAT,
TO A LOT OF OTHER THINGS THAT THE STORY DOESN'T --
WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT TODAY.
BUT THERE IS SO MUCH IN THIS JOURNEY THAT I SAID,
THERE'S BROKENNESS, THERE'S PAIN, THERE'S LOSS.
EVERY STORY I PRAY THAT I CAN GIVE THEM
THE ANSWERS THROUGH GOD'S WORD.
AND HE'S GIVEN ME TOOLS OF HOW TO GET A MARRIAGE
TO A DIFFERENT PLACE.
HOW TO HEAL A BROKENNESS OF A RELATIONSHIP
OR A BROKEN HEART WHEN YOU'VE LOST SOMEBODY
OR WHATEVER IT IS.
I DON'T WANT TO --
I DIDN'T WANT IT TO JUST BE A STORY, ME TELLING MY STORY.
I WANTED THERE TO BE STEPS.
AND I WANTED THERE TO BE FREEDOM TO BE FOUND
AND SALVATION TO BE FOUND.
TO KNOW THAT THERE IS SALVATION
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF IT.
THERE'S HOPE, THERE'S NOT ONE PERSON HOPELESS.
THERE'S NOT ONE PERSON TOO LOST, TOO GONE, TOO MESSED UP,
FOR GOD TO REDEEM THEM.
NO MARRIAGE IS TOO FAR GONE THAT GOD CANNOT
TURN IT AROUND AND BRING IT BACK.
BECAUSE NOBODY WAS MORE MISERABLE AND HATED EACH OTHER
MORE THAN ME AND MY HUSBAND.
THAT'S JUST PLAIN SIMPLE.
WE HATED EACH OTHER.
AND FOR US TO BE SO IN LOVE --
AND STILL IN LOVE, I JUST SAW Y'ALL.
AND STILL IN LOVE,
AND ADVENTUROUS TOGETHER,
AND HAVING FUN TOGETHER IN LIFE.
AND I JUST, I WANTED TO GIVE THAT HOPE TO SOMEBODY ELSE
BECAUSE IT'S NOT ME.
THERE'S NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME.
IT'S ABOUT GOD.
IT IS ALL TO POINT TO HIM, NOT ME.
AND IF THEY JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE,
AND IT'S A LIFE SURRENDERED,
THAT'S ONE THING THAT I KNOW,
THAT IT'S A LIFE SURRENDERED AND A LIFE TRUST
THAT I HAVE TO FULLY TRUST IN HIM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
NO MATTER WHAT WE GO THROUGH IN LIFE,
I WANT TO SAY THE BOOK IS WRITTEN
AND I DON'T WANT ANY MORE CHAPTERS
TO BE ADDED TO MY STORY BECAUSE I'M DONE,
BUT THANK YOU, JESUS,
THAT WHEN WE GIVE GOD THE PEN OF OUR LIFE,
HE IS THE ONE THAT FINISHES OUR STORY.
AND I'M JUST PRAYING THAT I CAN HELP SOMEBODY
REWRITE THEIR STORY IF THEY'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF MESS
AND HELP THEM COME TO THE END
WHERE GOD CAN DO SOMETHING GREAT
AND POINT PEOPLE TO JESUS THROUGH THEIR OWN STORY.
I LOVE THAT. AND THE BOOK, THE TITLE IS?
IT'S NOT BEYOND HOPE.
BECAUSE THERE'S NOT A MARRIAGE BEYOND HOPE,
THERE'S NOT A LIFE BEYOND HOPE,
THERE'S NOT A BROKEN HEART BEYOND HOPE.
HE IS OUR HOPE SO WHENEVER YOU FIND YOURSELF
IN A HOPELESS SITUATION,
IT'S NOT BEYOND HOPE.
GOD'S GOT YOU.
THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
AND, I MEAN, I JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.
I MEAN, JUST THAT YOUR LIFE IS A LIFE ABOUT
HOW GOD WORKS ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD
OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSES
AND GOD TOOK EVERYTHING AND WORKED IT
FOR YOUR GOOD AND HE'S MADE A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE.
YOU KNOW, HE TAKES THE BROKEN PIECES AND HE WEAVES
LIKE A BEAUTIFUL TAPESTRY TOGETHER AND THERE IS HOPE
FOR THOSE, NO MATTER HOW DARK OF A SITUATION THEY'RE IN.
I LOVE THAT.
FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GET THE BOOK,
WHERE CAN THEY GET IT?
AT MLISAGOFF.COM
AND I'M SURE THEY'LL SHOW THAT,
BUT IT'S -- I SAY THAT THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR THE RELIGIOUS.
IT'S NOT FOR THE PERFECT PERSON.
IT'S NOT FOR THOSE THAT THINK THAT THEY'VE
GOT IT ALL TOGETHER AND THEY HAVE THE PERFECT
INSTAGRAM FAMILY.
IT'S FOR THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR.
IT'S TO PUT IT IN THE HANDS OF SOMEBODY
THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP THEM
GET THROUGH GRIEF OR HELP THEM BREAK ADDICTIONS
OR HELP THEM GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THEIR DARKNESS.
THAT'S WHO THIS BOOK IS FOR,
AND I PRAY THAT IT GETS IN THOSE RIGHT HANDS
OF THOSE PEOPLE.
THAT'S MY PRAYER.
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE
AND FOR SHARING YOUR STORY.
THANK YOU. I LOVED IT.
YES. AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND YOUR STORY
IS AN ENCOURAGEMENT AND I KNOW PEOPLE WILL BE BLESSED
HEARING IT.
I APPRECIATE IT.