WEBVTT
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OUR WORLD JUST CRUMBLED.
00:00:01.933 --> 00:00:02.766
WE LOST THE CHURCH.
00:00:02.866 --> 00:00:04.100
WE LOST OUR MARRIAGE.
00:00:04.200 --> 00:00:05.733
WE LOST OUR WAY.
00:00:05.833 --> 00:00:07.200
I CAME FROM A
PASTOR'S HOME.
00:00:07.300 --> 00:00:09.433
AND THEN I GO INTO
BEING A PASTOR'S WIFE.
00:00:09.533 --> 00:00:10.466
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
00:00:10.566 --> 00:00:11.199
I'VE DONE THIS JESUS THING.
00:00:11.299 --> 00:00:12.466
I'M GONNA TRY THE WORLD.
00:00:12.566 --> 00:00:15.599
AND I GOT CAUGHT UP IN
ALL THE WRONG CROWD,
00:00:15.699 --> 00:00:18.132
DOING THE WRONG THINGS,
MEDICATING MY PAIN.
00:00:18.232 --> 00:00:20.733
I THOUGHT I WAS LIVING THE
LIFE AND I'M OVER HERE,
00:00:20.833 --> 00:00:22.399
I FIND MYSELF PREGNANT.
00:00:22.499 --> 00:00:24.200
I'M AT THE ROCK BOTTOM.
00:00:24.300 --> 00:00:25.699
THERE'S MOMENTS WHERE
YOU DON'T KNOW
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HOW YOU'RE GONNA
GET PAST THIS DAY.
00:00:27.766 --> 00:00:31.299
FROM THAT PLACE OF PAIN
THAT IS NOW HEALED,
00:00:31.399 --> 00:00:32.999
HE MINISTERS THROUGH IT.
00:00:33.099 --> 00:00:34.699
A HOPELESS SITUATION.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:36.800
IT'S NOT
BEYOND HOPE.
00:00:36.900 --> 00:00:37.732
GOD'S GOT YOU.
00:00:47.833 --> 00:00:48.799
ALL RIGHT.
00:00:48.899 --> 00:00:50.166
WELCOME BACK TO THE
REBECCA WEISS PODCAST.
00:00:50.266 --> 00:00:54.766
I AM WITH M'LISA WHO --
FUN NAME BY THE WAY,
00:00:54.866 --> 00:00:57.766
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN,
YOU'RE A PASTOR
00:00:57.866 --> 00:01:00.566
AT THE ROCK CHURCH
IN ARIZONA.
00:01:00.666 --> 00:01:02.066
BUT YOU'VE BEEN
PASTORING A MINISTRY
00:01:02.166 --> 00:01:03.733
FOR HOW MANY YEARS NOW?
00:01:03.833 --> 00:01:06.699
WELL, ALTOGETHER,
OH, MY GOODNESS,
00:01:06.799 --> 00:01:10.600
PROBABLY 35 OR 36 YEARS.
00:01:10.700 --> 00:01:12.766
BUT THERE IS THAT BREAK
THAT WE TOOK IN BETWEEN.
00:01:12.866 --> 00:01:14.266
WE PASTORED FOR SEVEN,
00:01:14.366 --> 00:01:16.666
THEN WE TOOK ABOUT
A FOUR-YEAR BREAK.
00:01:16.766 --> 00:01:17.766
AND THEN WE HAVE
BEEN PASTORING
00:01:17.866 --> 00:01:19.900
28 YEARS THIS MARCH.
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:23.099
SO, GUYS, YOU'RE GOING TO
WANT TO STAY TUNED FOR THIS,
00:01:23.199 --> 00:01:24.232
BECAUSE THIS IS
QUITE A STORY.
00:01:24.332 --> 00:01:25.500
YEAH.
00:01:25.600 --> 00:01:27.366
AND IT'S A
REDEMPTION STORY.
00:01:27.466 --> 00:01:29.233
AND I LOVE HEARING
PEOPLE'S TESTIMONIES.
00:01:29.333 --> 00:01:32.199
TO ME, TESTIMONIES ARE SOME OF
THE MOST ENCOURAGING THINGS
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PEOPLE CAN HEAR
BECAUSE IT'S JUST
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NO ONE CAN ARGUE WITH
YOUR OWN PERSONAL STORY
00:01:36.499 --> 00:01:38.166
AND SEE WHAT GOD CAN DO
WITH SOMEONE'S LIFE
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AND WORKING IT ALL TOGETHER.
00:01:40.100 --> 00:01:41.499
AND THIS WOMAN
HAS BEEN THROUGH IT
00:01:41.599 --> 00:01:43.533
AND SHE'S BEEN TRIED AND
TESTED AND SHE'S COME OUT
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EVEN BETTER BECAUSE OF IT.
00:01:45.799 --> 00:01:47.466
SO LET'S GET
INTO THE STORY.
00:01:47.566 --> 00:01:48.266
LOVE IT.
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START WHERE YOU WANT.
00:01:50.066 --> 00:01:52.366
WELL, YOU KNOW,
EVERYBODY HAS A STORY.
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THAT'S WHAT'S BEAUTIFUL IS
I FEEL LIKE IN MY LIFETIME
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I HAVE EXPERIENCED
SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS,
00:01:59.832 --> 00:02:02.966
BUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM
HAS POINTED ME TO
00:02:03.066 --> 00:02:05.633
HELP PEOPLE IN WHATEVER
JOURNEY THEY'RE AT,
00:02:05.733 --> 00:02:08.333
WHETHER IT'S ABUSE.
00:02:08.433 --> 00:02:09.333
I MEAN, I STARTED OUT,
00:02:09.433 --> 00:02:11.566
AND I WAS MOLESTED AT
NINE YEARS OLD.
00:02:11.666 --> 00:02:14.866
AND THEN I WENT INTO A
MARRIAGE AT A REALLY YOUNG AGE.
00:02:14.966 --> 00:02:16.400
WE GOT MARRIED WHEN
I WAS TEN DAYS
00:02:16.500 --> 00:02:17.399
OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.
00:02:17.499 --> 00:02:18.433
WHAT?
00:02:18.533 --> 00:02:20.132
YEAH, CRAZY, I KNOW.
00:02:20.232 --> 00:02:21.466
BUT WE JUST WERE
SO IN LOVE,
00:02:21.566 --> 00:02:23.032
AND WE THOUGHT WE HAD
ALL THE ANSWERS.
00:02:23.132 --> 00:02:25.000
AND WE WERE GOING TO JUST
CHANGE THE WORLD.
00:02:25.100 --> 00:02:28.632
AND SO WE DIVE HEADLONG
INTO MINISTRY RIGHT AWAY
00:02:28.732 --> 00:02:30.300
BECAUSE HE COMES FROM
A PASTOR'S HOME,
00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:31.633
I COME FROM A
PASTOR'S HOME.
00:02:31.733 --> 00:02:33.233
WE THINK WE KNOW IT ALL.
00:02:33.333 --> 00:02:34.966
SO WE START PASTORING,
00:02:35.066 --> 00:02:36.933
AND AFTER SEVEN
YEARS OF PASTORING
00:02:37.033 --> 00:02:38.666
AND TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE,
00:02:38.766 --> 00:02:41.232
OUR LIVES JUST
STARTED CRUMBLING.
00:02:41.332 --> 00:02:44.100
I MEAN, WE WERE BROKEN
AND WE DIDN'T REALIZE
00:02:44.200 --> 00:02:45.399
HOW BROKEN WE WERE,
00:02:45.499 --> 00:02:46.600
AND WE DIDN'T GET FIXED.
00:02:46.700 --> 00:02:48.932
AND WE DIDN'T DO THE RIGHT
THINGS NECESSARY
00:02:49.032 --> 00:02:51.333
BECAUSE WE'RE PASTORS
AND WE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
00:02:51.433 --> 00:02:54.299
WE HAD THE ABILITY
TO GO TO ANYBODY.
00:02:54.399 --> 00:02:58.266
WE WERE HIDDEN IN OUR
SECRETS AND OUR STRUGGLES
00:02:58.366 --> 00:03:01.066
AND OUR PAIN.
00:03:01.166 --> 00:03:05.199
AND IT WASN'T REALLY
LOOKED AS A POSITIVE THING
00:03:05.299 --> 00:03:06.932
BACK THEN TO GET COUNSELING.
00:03:07.032 --> 00:03:09.399
IT WAS ACTUALLY
VERY TABOO.
00:03:09.499 --> 00:03:12.899
AND ONLY THE REALLY SICK
PEOPLE, OR THE MENTAL HEALTH
00:03:12.999 --> 00:03:15.899
OR WHATEVER, WHATEVER
THAT LOOKED LIKE BACK THEN
00:03:15.999 --> 00:03:17.500
THAT WERE THE ONLY --
THOSE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE
00:03:17.600 --> 00:03:19.100
THAT ACTUALLY
SAW COUNSELORS.
00:03:19.200 --> 00:03:21.266
AND SO WE WERE LIKE, OKAY.
00:03:21.366 --> 00:03:23.233
SO WE JUST HAVE TO TRY TO
FIGURE THIS OUT ON OUR OWN.
00:03:23.333 --> 00:03:24.900
AND WE DIDN'T -- WE DIDN'T DO
ANY OF THE RIGHT THINGS.
00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:28.433
WE WERE THE PERFECT
EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO,
00:03:28.533 --> 00:03:30.400
IS WHAT I TELL PEOPLE.
00:03:30.500 --> 00:03:34.166
AND SO WE ARE IN THIS MARRIAGE,
AND MY HUSBAND AND I,
00:03:34.266 --> 00:03:37.299
WE'RE BROKEN AND WE'RE LOST,
00:03:37.399 --> 00:03:41.266
AND WE'RE EMPTY INSIDE.
00:03:41.366 --> 00:03:43.566
AND WHEN YOU'RE EMPTY
INSIDE AND YOU'RE LONELY
00:03:43.666 --> 00:03:45.432
AND YOU'RE HURTING,
00:03:45.532 --> 00:03:49.166
YOU POSSIBLY WILL FILL YOURSELF
UP WITH THE WRONG THINGS,
00:03:49.266 --> 00:03:51.100
AND THAT'S REALLY
WHAT WE DID.
00:03:51.200 --> 00:03:54.466
AND WE LOOKED TO OTHER
THINGS TO FILL OUR LIVES.
00:03:54.566 --> 00:03:58.266
AND HE LOOKED TO ANOTHER
RELATIONSHIP, AND SO DID I,
00:03:58.366 --> 00:04:00.399
AND WE JUST LITERALLY
FELL APART.
00:04:00.499 --> 00:04:03.266
MY HUSBAND, IN THE LAST
YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE,
00:04:03.366 --> 00:04:07.033
WAS ACTING
REALLY ABNORMAL.
00:04:07.133 --> 00:04:08.866
AND I KNEW HE
WASN'T SLEEPING.
00:04:08.966 --> 00:04:11.233
I KNEW HE WAS IN
DEEP DEPRESSION.
00:04:11.333 --> 00:04:12.299
HE WOULD BE --
00:04:12.399 --> 00:04:13.166
HE'S THE LIFE
OF THE PARTY
00:04:13.266 --> 00:04:14.266
MOST OF THE TIME.
00:04:14.366 --> 00:04:17.400
BUT THEN HE WOULD CRASH
AND BURN AND HE WOULD BE
00:04:17.500 --> 00:04:18.533
DEPRESSED IN BED
00:04:18.633 --> 00:04:20.300
AND I COULDN'T GET
HIM OUT OF BED.
00:04:20.400 --> 00:04:21.933
AND IT WAS LIKE THESE
REALLY HUGE HIGHS
00:04:22.033 --> 00:04:23.633
AND REALLY LOW LOWS.
00:04:23.733 --> 00:04:25.100
AND I THOUGHT THERE IS
SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU,
00:04:25.200 --> 00:04:26.766
BUT BACK THEN, ONCE AGAIN,
00:04:26.866 --> 00:04:29.133
MENTAL HEALTH WASN'T
WELL-KNOWN ABOUT.
00:04:29.233 --> 00:04:31.466
AND SO HE WAS
EVENTUALLY DIAGNOSED
00:04:31.566 --> 00:04:34.566
MANIC-DEPRESSIVE, BIPOLAR
00:04:34.666 --> 00:04:36.100
AND OUR WORLD JUST CRUMBLED.
00:04:36.200 --> 00:04:37.366
WE LOST THE CHURCH.
00:04:37.466 --> 00:04:38.466
WE LOST OUR MARRIAGE.
00:04:38.566 --> 00:04:39.933
WE LOST OUR WAY.
00:04:40.033 --> 00:04:42.466
I CAME FROM A PASTOR'S
HOME AND THEN I GO INTO
00:04:42.566 --> 00:04:43.999
BEING A PASTOR'S WIFE,
00:04:44.099 --> 00:04:44.999
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
00:04:45.099 --> 00:04:46.033
I'VE DONE THIS
JESUS THING,
00:04:46.133 --> 00:04:48.033
I'M GONNA TRY THE WORLD.
00:04:48.133 --> 00:04:50.466
AND I LITERALLY
WENT INTO THE CLUBS
00:04:50.566 --> 00:04:52.166
AND STARTED DRINKING
00:04:52.266 --> 00:04:54.566
AND I STARTED DOING
CRYSTAL METH.
00:04:54.666 --> 00:04:56.333
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A
SAYING THAT SAYS
00:04:56.433 --> 00:04:57.866
WHO YOU SURROUND
YOURSELF WITH,
00:04:57.966 --> 00:04:59.066
YOU KNOW, WHO
YOUR FRIENDS ARE,
00:04:59.166 --> 00:04:59.933
SHOW ME YOUR FRIENDS,
00:05:00.033 --> 00:05:01.266
I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR FUTURE.
00:05:01.366 --> 00:05:03.266
AND THAT REALLY
WAS TRUE FOR ME.
00:05:03.366 --> 00:05:06.333
I GOT CAUGHT UP IN ALL
THE WRONG CROWD,
00:05:06.433 --> 00:05:08.633
DOING THE WRONG THINGS,
MEDICATING MY PAIN.
00:05:08.733 --> 00:05:10.266
I THOUGHT I WAS
LIVING THE LIFE.
00:05:10.366 --> 00:05:11.399
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
00:05:11.499 --> 00:05:12.666
THIS IS REALLY ME.
00:05:12.766 --> 00:05:14.832
AND THIS IS WHO I HAVE
NOT BEEN ABLE TO BE
00:05:14.932 --> 00:05:16.133
ALL MY WHOLE LIFE,
00:05:16.233 --> 00:05:18.166
AND THIS IS REALLY
SO MUCH FUN.
00:05:18.266 --> 00:05:20.532
AND THERE IS FUN IN SIN
FOR A SEASON.
00:05:20.632 --> 00:05:22.366
THAT'S WHAT
THE BIBLE SAYS.
00:05:22.466 --> 00:05:24.532
BUT THEN IT STARTED
SPIRALING AND COMING
00:05:24.632 --> 00:05:28.032
CRASHING DOWN AND IT JUST
LED ME DOWN A PATH
00:05:28.132 --> 00:05:31.866
OF DRUGS AND
SLEEPING WITH GUYS.
00:05:31.966 --> 00:05:33.666
AND YOU JUST -- ALL THE
THINGS TO TRY TO
00:05:33.766 --> 00:05:35.166
MEDICATE MY PAIN.
00:05:35.266 --> 00:05:37.666
AND I FOUND MYSELF
00:05:37.766 --> 00:05:42.466
ADDICTED, SAD,
LONELY, BROKEN.
00:05:42.566 --> 00:05:44.532
AND I WAS PREGNANT.
00:05:44.632 --> 00:05:46.399
WELL, MY HUSBAND
ON THE OTHER SIDE,
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HE WAS, OF COURSE,
00:05:47.732 --> 00:05:49.432
FINDING HIS OWN
JOURNEY OF HEALTH
00:05:49.532 --> 00:05:52.300
AND GOD MIRACULOUSLY TOOK HIM
THROUGH A HEALING JOURNEY
00:05:52.400 --> 00:05:53.832
FOR HIS MIND.
00:05:53.932 --> 00:05:56.866
HE WENT THROUGH
A PROCESS OF
00:05:56.966 --> 00:05:58.232
JUST PUTTING THE WORD OF GOD
00:05:58.332 --> 00:06:00.533
IN HIS HEART
AND IN HIS MIND
00:06:00.633 --> 00:06:04.066
AND RENEWING HIS MIND
AND PUTTING SCRIPTURES IN,
00:06:04.166 --> 00:06:06.766
AND HE HAS HIS OWN JOURNEY AND
HIS OWN STORY TO TELL,
00:06:06.866 --> 00:06:10.433
BUT GOD LITERALLY
MIRACULOUSLY HEALED HIM
00:06:10.533 --> 00:06:11.833
FROM BEING
MANIC-DEPRESSIVE, BIPOLAR.
00:06:11.933 --> 00:06:14.166
HE'S BEEN 30-PLUS YEARS,
00:06:14.266 --> 00:06:18.266
HE HAS NOT HAD AN OUNCE OF
DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY
00:06:18.366 --> 00:06:19.799
AND HASN'T HAD MEDICATION,
00:06:19.899 --> 00:06:22.566
AND GOD JUST HAS MIRACULOUSLY
HEALED HIS MIND
00:06:22.666 --> 00:06:24.600
AND HIS EMOTIONS.
00:06:24.700 --> 00:06:27.333
SO HE'S OVER HERE GETTING
HIS HEALING JOURNEY
00:06:27.433 --> 00:06:30.066
AND FINDING, YOU KNOW, HIS
PATH THAT HE REALLY WANTED
00:06:30.166 --> 00:06:31.033
HIS FAMILY BACK.
00:06:31.133 --> 00:06:32.266
HE WANTED HIS LIFE BACK.
00:06:32.366 --> 00:06:33.666
HE WANTED TO BE, YOU KNOW,
00:06:33.766 --> 00:06:35.332
EVERYTHING THAT
SATAN HAD STOLEN
00:06:35.432 --> 00:06:38.866
AND WHAT HE HAD DONE
HIMSELF TO HIS -- TO HIMSELF.
00:06:38.966 --> 00:06:40.033
AND I'M OVER HERE,
00:06:40.133 --> 00:06:41.766
I FIND MYSELF PREGNANT.
00:06:41.866 --> 00:06:46.133
I'M AT THE ROCK BOTTOM AND
I LITERALLY WENT
00:06:46.233 --> 00:06:48.799
TO BE WITH HIM BECAUSE WE HAD
JOINT CUSTODY WITH THE BOYS,
00:06:48.899 --> 00:06:51.233
AND HE LIVED IN CALIFORNIA
AND I LIVED IN ARIZONA.
00:06:51.333 --> 00:06:54.200
SO I HAD TO GO AND BE IN
CALIFORNIA WITH HIM
00:06:54.300 --> 00:06:58.033
TO VISIT THE BOYS
AND BE WITH THE BOYS.
00:06:58.133 --> 00:07:01.766
AND I JUST WAS IN
A VERY UNHEALTHY PLACE.
00:07:01.866 --> 00:07:03.733
I HAD JUST HAD
THE ABORTION.
00:07:03.833 --> 00:07:05.000
I WAS A MESS.
00:07:05.100 --> 00:07:06.766
I WAS A MESS
EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY.
00:07:06.866 --> 00:07:09.299
EVERY PART OF ME
WAS JUST BROKEN.
00:07:09.399 --> 00:07:12.400
AND HE HELD ME AND HE
LOVED ME AND HE SAID,
00:07:12.500 --> 00:07:14.566
YOU KNOW WHAT, WE CAN
GET THROUGH THIS.
00:07:14.666 --> 00:07:16.066
WE CAN GET PAST THIS.
00:07:16.166 --> 00:07:19.566
GOD IS A HEALING GOD
AND HE LOVES AND HE RESTORES,
00:07:19.666 --> 00:07:22.099
AND THERE ISN'T ANYTHING
THAT HE CAN'T DO FOR YOU
00:07:22.199 --> 00:07:23.433
AND WITH US TOGETHER.
00:07:23.533 --> 00:07:24.933
WE CAN DO THIS.
00:07:25.033 --> 00:07:27.466
AND THAT WAS REALLY THE
MELTING PART OF MY HEART
00:07:27.566 --> 00:07:28.766
THAT JUST ALLOWED
ME TO JUST SAY
00:07:28.866 --> 00:07:30.866
OKAY, GOD, LET'S TRY THIS.
00:07:30.966 --> 00:07:32.866
LET'S DO THIS.
00:07:32.966 --> 00:07:37.333
AND IT WASN'T FAIRYTALE,
BUTTERFLIES AND ROSES
00:07:37.433 --> 00:07:38.566
AND CARE BEARS.
00:07:38.666 --> 00:07:40.366
IT WAS HARD.
00:07:40.466 --> 00:07:42.533
THAT JOURNEY WAS NOT
AN EASY JOURNEY.
00:07:42.633 --> 00:07:45.333
BUT WE FOUGHT FOR WHAT WE
WANTED FOR OUR FUTURE
00:07:45.433 --> 00:07:46.566
AND FOR OUR FAMILY.
00:07:46.666 --> 00:07:49.399
SO WE WENT TO MARRIAGE
COUNSELING AND REALLY DID
00:07:49.499 --> 00:07:51.133
ALL THE THINGS
THAT WE KNEW THAT
00:07:51.233 --> 00:07:53.799
WE POSSIBLY COULD DO TO
PUT US BACK TOGETHER
00:07:53.899 --> 00:07:55.066
AND HEAL US,
00:07:55.166 --> 00:07:56.632
AND WE DID.
00:07:56.732 --> 00:07:58.000
WE JUST, WE TOOK THE JOURNEY ON
00:07:58.100 --> 00:08:00.399
AND WE DID THE WORK.
00:08:00.499 --> 00:08:02.666
AND GOD MIRACULOUSLY PUT
US BACK TOGETHER.
00:08:02.766 --> 00:08:03.632
WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
00:08:03.732 --> 00:08:05.132
WE HAVE FUN.
00:08:05.232 --> 00:08:07.333
WE HAVE DATES AND
ADVENTURES AND I CAN'T
00:08:07.433 --> 00:08:11.466
IMAGINE ANYBODY ELSE BEING
MY PURPOSE PARTNER BUT HIM.
00:08:11.566 --> 00:08:15.499
HE IS MY LIFE AND
I LOVE HIM AND IT WAS
00:08:15.599 --> 00:08:19.566
GOD THAT JUST LITERALLY,
IF WE -- IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE.
00:08:19.666 --> 00:08:21.533
I TELL EVERYBODY,
00:08:21.633 --> 00:08:22.499
YOU KNOW, THEY THEY WANT
THE MIRACULOUS
00:08:22.599 --> 00:08:23.133
AND THEY'RE LIKE,
00:08:23.233 --> 00:08:24.499
OH, I WANT YOUR STORY.
00:08:24.599 --> 00:08:25.866
IT DOES TAKE TWO PEOPLE.
00:08:25.966 --> 00:08:27.766
THERE'S NOT JUST ONE
PERSON THAT CAN PUT IN
00:08:27.866 --> 00:08:29.332
ALL THE WORK AND WANT IT.
00:08:29.432 --> 00:08:31.533
IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE
SURRENDERED TO GOD
00:08:31.633 --> 00:08:34.366
COMPLETELY SAYING,
HERE I AM, GOD.
00:08:34.466 --> 00:08:35.933
DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
WITH ME AND I'LL DO
00:08:36.033 --> 00:08:38.299
WHATEVER YOU ASK ME TO DO.
00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:39.733
AND WHEN TWO PEOPLE
ARE SURRENDERED
00:08:39.833 --> 00:08:41.566
AND DOING IT
HIS WAY,
00:08:41.666 --> 00:08:44.199
THEN THEY'RE GOING
TO SEE A GOD OUTCOME.
00:08:44.299 --> 00:08:45.799
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE
GOING TO RECEIVE.
00:08:45.899 --> 00:08:46.966
AND SO WE GET MARRIED,
00:08:47.066 --> 00:08:50.233
WE GO BACK INTO MINISTRY
BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WAS,
00:08:50.333 --> 00:08:53.700
YOU KNOW, OUR CHURCH WAS
BURNED OUT OF US SEEING
00:08:53.800 --> 00:08:57.199
THAT WE WANTED A CHURCH
THAT ANYBODY COULD WALK INTO.
00:08:57.299 --> 00:08:59.266
IN FACT, THE MODEL OF
OUR CHURCH IS A CHURCH
00:08:59.366 --> 00:09:02.532
THAT CARES WHERE YOU'RE GOING
AND NOT WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
00:09:02.632 --> 00:09:04.100
AND THAT WAS BIRTHED
OUT OF OUR HEARTS.
00:09:04.200 --> 00:09:05.432
THAT'S A GREAT PHRASE.
00:09:05.532 --> 00:09:07.632
YEAH, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
MATTER WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
00:09:07.732 --> 00:09:09.033
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT
MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE,
00:09:09.133 --> 00:09:11.233
HOW BROKEN YOU'VE BEEN,
HOW MESSED UP,
00:09:11.333 --> 00:09:13.032
HOW FAR GONE YOU'VE GONE.
00:09:13.132 --> 00:09:14.300
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
00:09:14.400 --> 00:09:16.966
GOD IS WAITING
AND HE'S LONGING
00:09:17.066 --> 00:09:18.300
TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOU.
00:09:18.400 --> 00:09:20.799
AND THAT'S WHAT OUR CHURCH
WAS BIRTHED OUT OF,
00:09:20.899 --> 00:09:22.766
WAS OUR MISTAKES, OUR PROBLEMS.
00:09:22.866 --> 00:09:25.500
AND WE WANT TO WELCOME
EVERYBODY INTO OUR DOORS
00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:27.566
THAT FEELS LIKE
THERE'S NO PLACE FOR THEM
00:09:27.666 --> 00:09:29.533
AND THAT THERE IS
NO HOPE FOR THEM.
00:09:29.633 --> 00:09:32.632
GOD IS THE PLACE AND GOD
IS THE HOPE.
00:09:32.732 --> 00:09:35.633
YEAH, THE BEST KIND OF
MINISTERS ARE PEOPLE,
00:09:35.733 --> 00:09:37.266
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE SAY I
DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW ANYONE
00:09:37.366 --> 00:09:38.399
THAT DOESN'T WALK
WITH A LIMP,
00:09:38.499 --> 00:09:39.633
AND THEY'RE
REFERRING TO JACOB,
00:09:39.733 --> 00:09:41.666
HOW HE WAS MARKED BY GOD
IN THAT BATTLE
00:09:41.766 --> 00:09:42.499
WHERE HE WRESTLED.
00:09:42.599 --> 00:09:43.833
YEAH.
00:09:43.933 --> 00:09:46.199
AND HE HAD A LIMP
EVER SINCE BUT HE WAS CHANGED
00:09:46.299 --> 00:09:47.366
FROM THAT EXPERIENCE.
00:09:47.466 --> 00:09:49.999
AND IT'S PEOPLE WHO
GO THROUGH TRIALS
00:09:50.099 --> 00:09:52.733
AND ARE TESTED AND PERSEVERE
00:09:52.833 --> 00:09:54.032
AND SUBMIT THEIR
LIVES TO GOD,
00:09:54.132 --> 00:09:56.266
AND ALLOW GOD TO TAKE
THEIR BROKENNESS
00:09:56.366 --> 00:09:58.566
AND DO
SOMETHING WITH IT.
00:09:58.666 --> 00:09:59.832
NOT ONLY DOES GOD TAKE
THAT PERSON AND DO
00:09:59.932 --> 00:10:03.833
SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL WITH IT,
BUT FROM THAT PLACE OF PAIN
00:10:03.933 --> 00:10:06.733
THAT IS NOW HEALED,
HE MINISTERS THROUGH IT
00:10:06.833 --> 00:10:09.266
TO PEOPLE WHO'VE GONE THROUGH
SAME OR SIMILAR THINGS.
00:10:09.366 --> 00:10:10.499
AND I DON'T WANT TO GO --
00:10:10.599 --> 00:10:12.633
I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW
SOMEONE WHO HASN'T BEEN TESTED.
00:10:12.733 --> 00:10:16.800
I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW
SOMEONE WHO HASN'T BEEN TRIED,
00:10:16.900 --> 00:10:18.699
OR SOMEONE WHO
HASN'T SUFFERED,
00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:19.499
BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU --
00:10:19.599 --> 00:10:20.799
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
00:10:20.899 --> 00:10:22.466
BUT BEFORE -- THERE'S SO MUCH
MORE TO THE STORY
00:10:22.566 --> 00:10:23.600
AND I KNOW I WANT
TO GET INTO IT,
00:10:23.700 --> 00:10:24.766
BUT I WANT TO TAP ON
A FEW THINGS.
00:10:24.866 --> 00:10:26.133
OKAY.
00:10:26.233 --> 00:10:27.832
FROM WHAT YOU'VE JUST
SAID RIGHT THERE.
00:10:27.932 --> 00:10:29.066
TWO THINGS.
00:10:29.166 --> 00:10:31.066
ONE, BECAUSE I THINK THIS WOULD
HELP A LOT OF PEOPLE,
00:10:31.166 --> 00:10:33.099
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WAS
AFFECTED, AND THERE WAS
00:10:33.199 --> 00:10:34.832
A LOT OF DIFFERENT FACTORS
WITH YOUR MARRIAGE
00:10:34.932 --> 00:10:36.932
AND WE NEED TO -- WHAT'S SO
IMPORTANT THAT YOU SAID
00:10:37.032 --> 00:10:40.666
IS YOU BOTH WENT THROUGH A
PROCESS SEPARATELY OF HEALING.
00:10:40.766 --> 00:10:42.533
AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO
THROUGH A PROCESS
00:10:42.633 --> 00:10:43.866
TO BRING YOUR
MARRIAGE BACK TOGETHER.
00:10:43.966 --> 00:10:45.533
AND WE WANT TO TELL PEOPLE
THAT WE'RE LOOKING AT
00:10:45.633 --> 00:10:46.532
A FINISHED PRODUCT.
00:10:46.632 --> 00:10:48.266
BUT YOU SAID IT WAS A LOT
OF HARD WORK
00:10:48.366 --> 00:10:50.432
AND IT WAS PROCESS.
00:10:50.532 --> 00:10:53.866
BUT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
00:10:53.966 --> 00:10:56.800
AFFECTED THE MARRIAGE
IN THE BEGINNING WAS THAT
00:10:56.900 --> 00:10:58.633
YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP
WITH THIS GUY
00:10:58.733 --> 00:11:00.232
AND HE HAD REJECTED YOU.
00:11:00.332 --> 00:11:02.232
AND YOU FELT LIKE YOU
NEEDED TO PROVE YOURSELF
00:11:02.332 --> 00:11:03.266
TO HIM.
00:11:03.366 --> 00:11:04.666
AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
THAT BECAUSE I THINK
00:11:04.766 --> 00:11:06.566
SO MANY PEOPLE --
I CAN RELATE TO THAT.
00:11:06.666 --> 00:11:08.699
I'VE DEALT WITH REJECTION,
AND I THINK SO MANY PEOPLE
00:11:08.799 --> 00:11:10.199
HAVE FALLEN
INTO THAT TRAP.
00:11:10.299 --> 00:11:10.966
YEAH.
00:11:11.066 --> 00:11:11.899
CAN YOU SPEAK TO THAT?
00:11:11.999 --> 00:11:13.066
ABSOLUTELY.
00:11:13.166 --> 00:11:15.366
I THINK ALL OF US HAVE HAD
EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIFE
00:11:15.466 --> 00:11:17.866
THAT WE FEEL
NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
00:11:17.966 --> 00:11:19.033
NOT WORTHY, WHATEVER IT IS.
00:11:19.133 --> 00:11:24.199
AND THERE WAS AN EX-BOYFRIEND
FROM A LONG TIME AGO,
00:11:24.266 --> 00:11:27.932
AND I JUST -- HE REJECTED ME
AND I FELT LIKE EVERY TIME
00:11:28.032 --> 00:11:29.532
THERE WAS SOMETHING
SIGNIFICANT THAT WOULD HAPPEN
00:11:29.632 --> 00:11:30.600
IN MY LIFE,
00:11:30.700 --> 00:11:32.766
WHETHER I WOULD HAVE A BABY,
OR SOMETHING GREAT
00:11:32.866 --> 00:11:34.433
WOULD HAPPEN IN
OUR MINISTRY,
00:11:34.533 --> 00:11:36.600
I WAS SIMPLY TRYING
TO LET HIM SEE
00:11:36.700 --> 00:11:37.966
LOOK AT WHAT YOU
MISSED OUT ON.
00:11:38.066 --> 00:11:39.000
LOOK AT HOW GREAT I AM.
00:11:39.100 --> 00:11:41.699
LOOK AT WHAT YOU
COULD HAVE HAD
00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:45.132
WAS MORE MY -- MORE
MY HEART OR WHAT I --
00:11:45.232 --> 00:11:46.399
WHAT I WAS DEALING
WITH AT THE TIME
00:11:46.499 --> 00:11:48.633
BECAUSE I WANTED
TO PROVE THAT I WASN'T
00:11:48.733 --> 00:11:51.566
JUST A LOSER, THAT YOU
JUST THREW AWAY.
00:11:51.666 --> 00:11:54.200
AND IT REALLY ADDED SOME
ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS
00:11:54.300 --> 00:11:56.100
IN MY MARRIAGE
00:11:56.200 --> 00:11:59.733
BECAUSE I CONTINUED TO
CONTACT, THROUGHOUT MY MARRIAGE,
00:11:59.833 --> 00:12:01.766
AND IT JUST BROKE
MY HUSBAND'S HEART.
00:12:01.866 --> 00:12:04.732
AND HE JUST HAD TRUST
ISSUES AND IT BROKE HIM.
00:12:04.832 --> 00:12:06.899
I MEAN THAT WAS ONE AREA
THAT REALLY BROKE HIM.
00:12:06.999 --> 00:12:09.299
AND I THINK THAT THAT WAS
WHAT LED HIM DOWN THE PATH
00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:10.766
TO MAKING THE DECISIONS
THAT HE MADE.
00:12:10.866 --> 00:12:12.766
HE WAS JUST EMPTY
AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
00:12:12.866 --> 00:12:13.799
HE COULD EVER MEASURE UP
00:12:13.899 --> 00:12:16.032
OR HE WAS EVER
GOOD ENOUGH.
00:12:16.132 --> 00:12:18.833
SO MANY PEOPLE ARE ON
THAT WHEEL, TRYING TO PROVE
00:12:18.933 --> 00:12:20.832
THAT THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH
TO THE PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES,
00:12:20.932 --> 00:12:22.999
AND IT'S JUST --
IT'LL NEVER
00:12:23.099 --> 00:12:24.866
IT NEVER PANS OUT,
RIGHT.
00:12:24.966 --> 00:12:27.533
HOW DID YOU BREAK FREE
FROM THE REJECTION
00:12:27.633 --> 00:12:30.832
YOU FELT AND WAS
ABLE TO SETTLE INTO
00:12:30.932 --> 00:12:35.633
I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO THE
LORD, GOD LOVES ME AS I AM,
00:12:35.733 --> 00:12:37.332
AND I DON'T NEED THE
APPROVAL OF MAN.
00:12:37.432 --> 00:12:38.099
RIGHT.
00:12:38.199 --> 00:12:39.199
THAT REALLY IS IT,
00:12:39.299 --> 00:12:42.366
IS FINDING HEALING IN
MY OWN HEART OF WHO I WAS
00:12:42.466 --> 00:12:43.766
ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE.
00:12:43.866 --> 00:12:45.899
AND IT DOESN'T HAVE THE
WORTH OF A PERSON
00:12:45.999 --> 00:12:48.733
THAT HAS TO HAVE THE
STAMP OF APPROVAL,
00:12:48.833 --> 00:12:50.666
OR THE GOOD ENOUGH.
00:12:50.766 --> 00:12:53.099
AND IT REALLY WAS JUST
SEEING THE BROKENNESS
00:12:53.199 --> 00:12:54.566
THAT I HAD CAUSED
MY HUSBAND,
00:12:54.666 --> 00:12:56.366
THAT I JUST COULDN'T
KEEP DOING.
00:12:56.466 --> 00:13:00.833
I MEAN, IT JUST WAS SOMETHING
THAT HAD JUST BROKEN ME,
00:13:00.933 --> 00:13:03.766
LIKE, LOOK AT WHAT I'M DOING
TO THIS OTHER HUMAN BEING
00:13:03.866 --> 00:13:05.566
JUST BECAUSE OF MY PRIDE.
00:13:05.666 --> 00:13:08.600
JUST BECAUSE OF MY FEELING
OF WANTING TO PROVE SOMETHING
00:13:08.700 --> 00:13:10.733
TO SOMEBODY ELSE,
WHICH DOESN'T MATTER.
00:13:10.833 --> 00:13:12.099
AND GOD HEALED MY HEART.
00:13:12.199 --> 00:13:14.166
HE HEALED ME,
HE HEALED MY HUSBAND,
00:13:14.266 --> 00:13:16.366
HE HEALED OUR MARRIAGE
BECAUSE OF ME
00:13:16.466 --> 00:13:18.033
FINDING MY
CONFIDENCE IN GOD,
00:13:18.133 --> 00:13:21.899
ME FINDING MY CONFIDENCE
IN WHO REALLY DOES MATTER.
00:13:21.999 --> 00:13:25.366
WHO REALLY DOES MATTER IS
HIM AND HIM ALONE,
00:13:25.466 --> 00:13:26.499
AND MY HUSBAND.
00:13:26.599 --> 00:13:28.766
THAT'S THE ONLY TWO
THINGS THAT REALLY MATTERED,
00:13:28.866 --> 00:13:30.666
IS THE APPROVAL
OF THOSE TWO PEOPLE.
00:13:30.766 --> 00:13:31.866
THAT'S SO GOOD.
00:13:31.966 --> 00:13:33.866
ARE YOU OKAY WITH TALKING
ABOUT THE ABORTION?
00:13:33.966 --> 00:13:35.866
ABSOLUTELY.
00:13:35.966 --> 00:13:39.766
WHAT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU NEEDED TO GET IT
00:13:39.866 --> 00:13:41.299
AND WHAT WAS YOUR --
00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:42.999
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I THINK
ABORTION IS SO
00:13:43.099 --> 00:13:45.066
HEAVILY TALKED
ABOUT THESE DAYS,
00:13:45.166 --> 00:13:47.833
AND I THINK IT'S
IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN
00:13:47.933 --> 00:13:50.699
TO HEAR THESE STORIES
BECAUSE I THINK
00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:52.433
I'VE HEARD FROM
OTHER WOMEN,
00:13:52.533 --> 00:13:54.566
IF I COULD JUST PREVENT
WOMEN FROM DOING IT,
00:13:54.666 --> 00:13:56.766
THEY'D BE SO MUCH HAPPIER NOT.
00:13:56.866 --> 00:13:58.399
IT'S JUST A LIE
THAT THEY FALL INTO.
00:13:58.499 --> 00:14:00.466
SO CAN YOU SPEAK OF YOUR
EXPERIENCE WITH THAT?
00:14:00.566 --> 00:14:05.666
WELL, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE
OF DRUG USE AND ALCOHOL.
00:14:05.766 --> 00:14:08.599
AND I WAS ON --
AT THAT TIME,
00:14:08.699 --> 00:14:10.300
I'M GOING TO KIND OF GIVE
A LITTLE BIT OF BACKSTORY.
00:14:10.400 --> 00:14:11.332
AT THAT TIME,
00:14:11.432 --> 00:14:14.366
I HAD LITERALLY FALLEN IN
LOVE WITH SOMEBODY
00:14:14.466 --> 00:14:16.700
THAT I THOUGHT WAS GOING
TO BE MY FUTURE FOREVER.
00:14:16.800 --> 00:14:18.566
I HAD FALLEN IN LOVE
WITH THIS GUY
00:14:18.666 --> 00:14:19.466
THAT I JUST THOUGHT,
00:14:19.566 --> 00:14:20.966
OH, HE'S EVERYTHING
I EVER WANTED.
00:14:21.066 --> 00:14:22.399
THIS WAS DURING
THE DIVORCE,
00:14:22.499 --> 00:14:23.799
OF COURSE, FROM KEVIN.
00:14:23.899 --> 00:14:25.632
AND I JUST THOUGHT,
OH, HE'S IT.
00:14:25.732 --> 00:14:27.466
HE IS MY KNIGHT IN
SHINING ARMOR.
00:14:27.566 --> 00:14:30.833
I JUST FELL FAST
AND HARD FOR HIM.
00:14:30.933 --> 00:14:31.666
AND HE BROKE MY HEART.
00:14:31.766 --> 00:14:34.066
ONCE AGAIN, REJECTION.
00:14:34.166 --> 00:14:37.499
HE JUST BROKE MY HEART
INTO A THOUSAND PIECES.
00:14:37.599 --> 00:14:42.100
AND WHEN HE DID THAT,
I JUST WAS ON A BINGE.
00:14:42.200 --> 00:14:44.733
I WAS DOING BAD.
00:14:44.833 --> 00:14:46.900
I WAS SLEEPING WITH
SEVERAL DIFFERENT GUYS
00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:48.866
AND SO WHEN I
FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT,
00:14:48.966 --> 00:14:51.500
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHO THE FATHER WAS.
00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:54.033
I WAS IN SUCH
A DARK PLACE.
00:14:54.133 --> 00:14:56.733
I JUST THOUGHT I DON'T
KNOW IF THIS BABY IS GOING
00:14:56.833 --> 00:14:59.999
TO EVEN BE OKAY AS MUCH
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
00:15:00.099 --> 00:15:01.833
THAT'S IN MY
SYSTEM RIGHT NOW.
00:15:01.933 --> 00:15:03.632
AND I JUST THOUGHT I CAN'T
BRING A BABY INTO
00:15:03.732 --> 00:15:05.266
THE HOPELESSNESS THAT I HAVE.
00:15:05.366 --> 00:15:08.600
I HAVE NOTHING TO
OFFER THIS BABY.
00:15:08.700 --> 00:15:12.099
AND IT IS THE LIE OF THE
ENEMY TO GIVE YOU THAT HOPELESS,
00:15:12.199 --> 00:15:13.766
THAT CONSTANT REEL
IN YOUR HEAD
00:15:13.866 --> 00:15:16.033
LIKE, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BE A GOOD MOM.
00:15:16.133 --> 00:15:19.733
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE
WORTHY OF, YOU KNOW,
00:15:19.833 --> 00:15:21.432
BRINGING A CHILD
INTO THIS WORLD,
00:15:21.532 --> 00:15:23.666
AND THE CHILD IS
NOT GOING TO BE OKAY.
00:15:23.766 --> 00:15:25.333
AND YOU DON'T EVEN
KNOW THE FATHER,
00:15:25.433 --> 00:15:27.566
AND WHAT KIND OF FUTURE
DOES THIS BABY HAVE?
00:15:27.666 --> 00:15:29.400
YOU'RE A MESS AND YOU --
00:15:29.500 --> 00:15:31.999
IT DOESN'T DESERVE TO COME
INTO THIS WORLD LIKE THIS.
00:15:32.099 --> 00:15:34.633
AND IF I WOULD HAVE --
00:15:34.733 --> 00:15:36.899
I MEAN, THERE WAS PART
OF ME THAT REALLY WANTED TO
00:15:36.999 --> 00:15:39.666
BECAUSE I HAD BEEN, YOU
KNOW, LIKE A PASTOR'S WIFE.
00:15:39.766 --> 00:15:42.233
IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T
KNOW THE WORD OF GOD,
00:15:42.333 --> 00:15:45.133
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
00:15:45.233 --> 00:15:47.366
BUT THE ENEMY ALSO LIES
00:15:47.466 --> 00:15:49.199
AND THIS WAS
30 YEARS AGO.
00:15:49.299 --> 00:15:52.399
THERE WAS JUST THE WHOLE
IT WAS SIX WEEKS,
00:15:52.499 --> 00:15:54.233
THIS REALLY ISN'T --
IT'S JUST A CLUMP.
00:15:54.333 --> 00:15:55.599
IT'S NOT A BABY.
00:15:55.699 --> 00:15:59.599
BUT NOW OVER THE YEARS
THAT I'VE SEEN THE PICTURES
00:15:59.699 --> 00:16:03.633
AND THE VISUAL OF
THE PROGRESS
00:16:03.733 --> 00:16:06.333
AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF A BABY,
OF WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,
00:16:06.433 --> 00:16:08.700
AND I'M LIKE THAT IS A LIE.
00:16:08.800 --> 00:16:10.966
I WISHED I WOULD HAVE
GONE TO SOMEWHERE
00:16:11.066 --> 00:16:12.700
WHERE THEY WOULD HAVE
DONE A SONOGRAM
00:16:12.800 --> 00:16:14.099
OR SOMETHING THAT WOULD
HAVE JUST MADE ME
00:16:14.199 --> 00:16:15.099
REALIZE AND RECOGNIZE,
00:16:15.199 --> 00:16:19.466
NO, THIS IS A LIFE THAT
YOU ARE ENDING.
00:16:19.566 --> 00:16:21.632
IT DOESN'T DESERVE THAT.
00:16:21.732 --> 00:16:22.832
WHETHER I WOULD
HAVE KEPT IT
00:16:22.932 --> 00:16:26.400
OR WHETHER I WOULDN'T HAVE,
GIVE THE BABY A CHANCE.
00:16:26.500 --> 00:16:28.300
GIVE IT LIFE.
00:16:28.400 --> 00:16:30.866
AND THERE WAS
TORMENT AND PAIN FROM THAT
00:16:30.966 --> 00:16:32.233
FOR YEARS AND
YEARS AND YEARS.
00:16:32.333 --> 00:16:35.632
THAT WAS HORRIBLE TO TRY
TO OVERCOME, BUT, YOU KNOW,
00:16:35.732 --> 00:16:40.699
AND I AM DEAD SET HELPING
WOMEN MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:42.866
BECAUSE OF THE PAIN
THAT I'VE EXPERIENCED,
00:16:42.966 --> 00:16:44.666
THE TORMENT IN YOUR MIND,
00:16:44.766 --> 00:16:48.632
AND JUST THE REGRET OF
WHAT I DID, YOU KNOW.
00:16:48.732 --> 00:16:51.966
THE BABY DESERVED A
CHANCE AND A LIFE,
00:16:52.066 --> 00:16:55.100
AND I WILL NEVER KNOW THAT,
BUT I KNOW THAT GOD REDEEMS.
00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:57.800
AND SHE'S --
I BELIEVE IT WAS A HER.
00:16:57.900 --> 00:16:59.599
I BELIEVE SHE'S IN HEAVEN
WAITING FOR ME.
00:16:59.699 --> 00:17:02.433
AND SHE'S WITH HER BROTHER,
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST --
00:17:02.533 --> 00:17:04.533
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT
GOD CAN REDEEM A STORY.
00:17:04.633 --> 00:17:05.966
YEAH, HE CAN.
00:17:06.066 --> 00:17:06.766
AND I'M JUST
SO THANKFUL FOR YOU
00:17:06.866 --> 00:17:08.666
SHARING THAT
BECAUSE I KNOW
00:17:08.766 --> 00:17:10.266
I'VE JUST TALKED TO
DIFFERENT WOMEN ABOUT IT,
00:17:10.366 --> 00:17:11.933
AND I THINK WHEN WOMEN
TELL THEIR STORIES
00:17:12.033 --> 00:17:13.333
IT HELPS OTHER WOMEN.
00:17:13.433 --> 00:17:15.133
AND MAYBE WOMEN WHO
MIGHT BE ON THE FENCE
00:17:15.233 --> 00:17:16.399
AND THEY'RE
THINKING ABOUT IT.
00:17:16.499 --> 00:17:18.999
AND I THINK IF THEY CAN HEAR
FOR SOMEONE WHO'S LIVED LIFE
00:17:19.099 --> 00:17:20.900
SAY THIS IS HORRIBLE,
00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:22.599
YOU THINK IN THE MOMENT
YOU'RE DOING MAYBE
00:17:22.699 --> 00:17:24.966
EVEN THE RIGHT THING,
LIKE THIS IS HOPELESS,
00:17:25.066 --> 00:17:26.966
THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR THIS
BABY, BUT IT'S LIKE
00:17:27.066 --> 00:17:28.633
IT'S NOT WORTH IT
AND IT'S WORTH --
00:17:28.733 --> 00:17:30.599
YOU KNOW, I WISH I WOULD HAVE
GIVEN THIS BABY LIFE,
00:17:30.699 --> 00:17:31.766
AND I'VE HEARD THAT
FROM WOMEN
00:17:31.866 --> 00:17:33.166
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
00:17:33.266 --> 00:17:34.433
SO, THANK YOU FOR SHARING
THAT, BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S
00:17:34.533 --> 00:17:36.033
HARD TO TALK ABOUT.
00:17:36.133 --> 00:17:41.199
SO YOU GO TO
CALIFORNIA.
00:17:41.299 --> 00:17:42.499
YOU HAD THE ABORTION.
00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:44.333
YEAH, YEAH,
I HAD THE ABORTION.
00:17:44.433 --> 00:17:47.100
AND ME AND MY HUSBAND,
WE ACTUALLY STARTED DATING.
00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:49.032
WE STARTED
BECOMING FRIENDS.
00:17:49.132 --> 00:17:50.199
AND HE STARTED
LOVING YOU.
00:17:50.299 --> 00:17:51.333
YEAH.
00:17:51.433 --> 00:17:52.732
THAT'S WHAT I WANTED
TO SAY, WHEN YOU LOVE PEOPLE
00:17:52.832 --> 00:17:54.866
WITH A SUPERNATURAL
LOVE THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE,
00:17:54.966 --> 00:17:56.133
WHICH YOUR HUSBAND TOLD ME
00:17:56.233 --> 00:17:58.300
IT WAS A SUPERNATURAL
LOVE FROM GOD.
00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:00.533
IT WAS A GRACE THAT HE
GAVE TO HELP BRING
00:18:00.633 --> 00:18:01.733
Y'ALL BACK TOGETHER.
00:18:01.833 --> 00:18:03.566
BUT WHEN YOU'RE LOVED WHEN
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE,
00:18:03.666 --> 00:18:05.899
THAT BRINGS
TRANSFORMATION TO PEOPLE.
00:18:05.999 --> 00:18:09.666
SO, YOU GUYS WORKED THROUGH,
I THINK I TAPPED ON
00:18:09.766 --> 00:18:10.799
THE OTHER THINGS
I WANTED TO DO,
00:18:10.899 --> 00:18:12.066
SO PICK UP
WITH YOUR STORY.
00:18:12.166 --> 00:18:13.300
YOU GUYS GET BACK
TOGETHER.
00:18:13.400 --> 00:18:13.966
WE'RE BACK TOGETHER.
00:18:14.066 --> 00:18:15.666
WE JUST HEAL AS A FAMILY.
00:18:15.766 --> 00:18:16.932
WE DO OUR MARRIAGE
COUNSELING.
00:18:17.032 --> 00:18:18.999
WE JUST BECOME
WHOLE AGAIN.
00:18:19.099 --> 00:18:21.633
AND THEN IN 1997,
00:18:21.733 --> 00:18:23.032
WE STARTED THE ROCK.
00:18:23.132 --> 00:18:25.699
AND FOUR MONTHS
AFTER STARTING THE ROCK,
00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:29.366
WE HAVE A HORRIFIC
CAR ACCIDENT.
00:18:29.466 --> 00:18:30.966
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SO CLOSE
TO YOU STARTING THE CHURCH.
00:18:31.066 --> 00:18:32.199
FOUR MONTHS AFTER
WE STARTED.
00:18:32.299 --> 00:18:33.633
HOW LONG WAS
LIKE THE HEALING --
00:18:33.733 --> 00:18:34.733
DID YOU ALL GET MARRIED
00:18:34.833 --> 00:18:36.199
AND YOU HAD LIKE A HEALING
PROCESS FOR A WHILE,
00:18:36.299 --> 00:18:37.399
AND THEN YOU
STARTED THE CHURCH.
00:18:37.499 --> 00:18:38.499
IT WAS ABOUT THREE
YEARS OF US
00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:39.566
GETTING BACK TOGETHER,
00:18:39.699 --> 00:18:42.199
HEALING, COUNSELING, AND
THEN STARTING THE CHURCH.
00:18:42.299 --> 00:18:44.666
SO YOU GUYS BECAME
WHOLE PEOPLE?
00:18:44.766 --> 00:18:45.399
YEAH.
00:18:45.499 --> 00:18:46.966
MORE WHOLE,
MORE HEALED.
00:18:47.066 --> 00:18:49.500
AND THEN IT WAS TIME, BECAUSE
GOD WAS CALLING YOU BACK.
00:18:49.600 --> 00:18:51.766
WERE YOU NERVOUS
TO GO BACK IN?
00:18:51.866 --> 00:18:53.399
ABSOLUTELY. THERE WAS
A WHOLE JOURNEY OF
00:18:53.499 --> 00:18:55.466
WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU ARE,
00:18:55.566 --> 00:18:57.033
LIKE YOU HAVE GONE --
00:18:57.133 --> 00:18:58.532
DO YOU KNOW YOUR STORY?
00:18:58.632 --> 00:19:00.166
DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL
EVER FOLLOW YOU
00:19:00.266 --> 00:19:01.999
AS A LEADER IN THE CHURCH?
00:19:02.099 --> 00:19:04.800
I MEAN, I KNEW I COULD
SIT IN A -- IN A PEW.
00:19:04.900 --> 00:19:07.066
BUT I WAS LIKE BUT TO GET
UP FRONT AND FEEL LIKE
00:19:07.132 --> 00:19:11.932
I HAVE A PLACE THERE THAT
COULD POSSIBLY SPEAK TO PEOPLE.
00:19:12.032 --> 00:19:13.366
BUT I RECOGNIZED
IN THE BIBLE
00:19:13.466 --> 00:19:17.199
THAT'S THE EXACT PEOPLE
THAT GOD WANTS TO USE.
00:19:17.299 --> 00:19:20.266
LIKE, HE USED RAHAB,
HE USED THE WOMAN AT THE WELL,
00:19:20.366 --> 00:19:22.799
HE USED ALL THESE STORIES
RIGHT IN THE
00:19:22.899 --> 00:19:24.166
MIDDLE OF THEIR MESS.
00:19:24.266 --> 00:19:25.166
HE DIDN'T JUST GO,
00:19:25.266 --> 00:19:26.899
OH, WELL, WAIT TILL
YOU'RE CLEANED UP,
00:19:26.999 --> 00:19:27.933
AND THEN I CAN USE YOU.
00:19:28.033 --> 00:19:28.899
YOU KNOW, IN THE
MIDDLE OF THEIR MESS
00:19:28.999 --> 00:19:32.099
HE'S LIKE, YOU NEED
TO BE USED OF GOD,
00:19:32.199 --> 00:19:35.633
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A STORY
AND YOU CAN HELP OTHER PEOPLE
00:19:35.733 --> 00:19:36.766
AND THAT'S WHAT
I WANTED TO BE.
00:19:36.866 --> 00:19:39.666
SO WE STARTED THE CHURCH
FOUR MONTHS AFTER STARTING
00:19:39.766 --> 00:19:40.566
THE CHURCH.
00:19:40.666 --> 00:19:42.066
IN THE CAR ACCIDENT
00:19:42.166 --> 00:19:43.999
MY WHOLE FACE WAS
COMPLETELY CRUSHED.
00:19:44.099 --> 00:19:46.866
I HAD TO HAVE TWO SURGERIES
THAT CUT ME FROM EAR TO EAR,
00:19:46.966 --> 00:19:49.899
AND PULLED MY FACE
COMPLETELY OFF.
00:19:49.999 --> 00:19:53.332
THEY COMPLETELY TOOK
CARTILAGE FROM MY NOSE
00:19:53.432 --> 00:19:55.266
TO GRAFT ME A NEW NOSE,
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE
00:19:55.366 --> 00:19:56.766
ANY CARTILAGE LEFT
IN MY NOSE.
00:19:56.866 --> 00:19:58.866
THEY PUT PLATES AND
SCREWS AROUND MY EYES.
00:19:58.966 --> 00:20:01.633
THEY CUT ME INSIDE MY JAW
TO PUT PLATES HERE
00:20:01.733 --> 00:20:05.232
TO REATTACH MY JAW BECAUSE IT
WAS COMPLETELY DETACHED.
00:20:05.332 --> 00:20:07.466
AND I HAD PLATES AND
SCREWS ON MY NECK,
00:20:07.566 --> 00:20:09.499
AND 14-INCH RODS DOWN MY BACK.
00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:11.599
I MEAN, I WENT THROUGH ONE
SURGERY AFTER ANOTHER SURGERY
00:20:11.699 --> 00:20:12.966
AFTER ANOTHER SURGERY.
00:20:13.066 --> 00:20:14.833
YOU HAD BROKEN VERTEBRAE --
00:20:14.933 --> 00:20:17.366
YEAH, I HAD FIVE BROKEN
VERTEBRAE IN MY BACK AND NECK.
00:20:17.466 --> 00:20:21.766
SO TWO WHERE I HAVE PLATES
AND RODS HOLDING ALL FIVE
00:20:21.866 --> 00:20:24.800
OF THOSE RODS AND PLATES
FOR MY BACK.
00:20:24.900 --> 00:20:26.533
AND THEN, OF COURSE,
00:20:26.633 --> 00:20:28.032
I HAD TWO
RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERIES
00:20:28.132 --> 00:20:29.333
FOR MY FACE.
00:20:29.433 --> 00:20:31.666
BUT IN THAT ACCIDENT, MY
NINE-YEAR-OLD TWIN SON BRANDON
00:20:31.766 --> 00:20:33.266
WAS KILLED AS WELL.
00:20:33.366 --> 00:20:35.032
SO AS BAD AS MY FACE
AND MY BODY
00:20:35.132 --> 00:20:37.033
AND EVERYTHING
WAS BROKEN,
00:20:37.133 --> 00:20:41.666
IT WAS NO COMPARISON TO
JUST THE BROKENNESS,
00:20:41.766 --> 00:20:43.266
AND THE THING THAT MY
HEART WAS EXPERIENCING.
00:20:43.366 --> 00:20:46.166
MY EMOTIONS WERE JUST
WRECKED AT THAT POINT IN TIME,
00:20:46.266 --> 00:20:47.699
THAT I JUST -- I DIDN'T
THINK I COULD EVER
00:20:47.799 --> 00:20:49.699
BREATHE AGAIN OR
LIVE AGAIN
00:20:49.799 --> 00:20:52.732
OR SMILE AGAIN OR
LAUGH AGAIN.
00:20:52.832 --> 00:20:55.600
BUT I HAD TO HOLD ONTO JESUS.
00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:57.866
I HAD TO PRAISE MY
WAY THROUGH IT BECAUSE
00:20:57.966 --> 00:20:59.900
THERE'S MOMENTS WHERE YOU
DON'T KNOW HOW
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:02.532
YOU'RE GONNA GET
PAST THIS DAY.
00:21:02.632 --> 00:21:04.333
AND I JUST HAD TO PUT
MY PRAISE AND WORSHIP ON
00:21:04.433 --> 00:21:06.033
AND JUST SAY, GOD,
WITHOUT YOU
00:21:06.133 --> 00:21:07.266
I CAN'T MAKE THIS DAY.
00:21:07.366 --> 00:21:08.966
AND I ACTUALLY
FOCUSED ON MY BOYS.
00:21:09.066 --> 00:21:12.266
MY BOYS WERE THE PURPOSE
THAT I GOT UP EVERY SINGLE DAY
00:21:12.366 --> 00:21:14.600
BECAUSE SOME PARENTS
FORGET THAT THERE ARE
00:21:14.700 --> 00:21:18.132
STILL LIVING CHILDREN
THAT THEY NEED TO
00:21:18.232 --> 00:21:19.233
GIVE ATTENTION TO.
00:21:19.333 --> 00:21:21.966
THEIR FOCUS GOES
TO THE CHILD THAT'S GONE,
00:21:22.066 --> 00:21:23.299
AND THE ONES
THAT ARE LIVING ARE LIKE,
00:21:23.399 --> 00:21:24.300
WAIT, WHERE AM I?
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:25.499
DO I NOT MATTER?
00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:27.233
YOU CAN'T EVEN GET UP
AND GET DRESSED
00:21:27.333 --> 00:21:29.033
BECAUSE YOU DON'T --
00:21:29.133 --> 00:21:30.166
I DON'T MATTER?
00:21:30.266 --> 00:21:32.499
THAT YOU ARE STILL
A MOM TO ME.
00:21:32.599 --> 00:21:34.366
AND THAT BECAME MY GOAL
AND MY FOCUS WAS
00:21:34.466 --> 00:21:37.099
I'M GONNA KEEP PUSHING
ON AND I'M GOING TO KEEP
00:21:37.199 --> 00:21:39.699
LIVING FOR MY BOYS AND BE
THE HEALTHIEST MOM
00:21:39.799 --> 00:21:41.432
THAT I CAN BE FOR THEM.
00:21:41.532 --> 00:21:44.666
AND YOU FOUND OUT
IN THE HOSPITAL
00:21:44.766 --> 00:21:46.133
THAT YOUR SON HAD
NOT MADE IT,
00:21:46.233 --> 00:21:49.766
AND YOU WERE IN A DEEP,
I MEAN, RECOVERY.
00:21:49.866 --> 00:21:50.866
I MEAN YOU --
00:21:50.966 --> 00:21:53.366
WELL, I WAS 48 HOURS
I WAS UNCONSCIOUS,
00:21:53.466 --> 00:21:54.700
BUT THEN WHEN I DID
BECOME CONSCIOUS,
00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:57.966
MY HUSBAND WALKED IN
AND I'M ON MORPHINE DRIPS
00:21:58.066 --> 00:21:59.899
AND TUBES AND ALL
THIS STUFF.
00:21:59.999 --> 00:22:02.433
AND HE WALKS IN
AND I JUST ASK HIM,
00:22:02.533 --> 00:22:04.466
I SAID, HOW IS BRANDON?
00:22:04.566 --> 00:22:05.900
AND HE JUST STARTED
IMMEDIATELY SHAKING
00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:07.432
HIS HEAD CRYING.
00:22:07.532 --> 00:22:08.400
AND I WAS LIKE,
I JUST KNEW.
00:22:08.500 --> 00:22:09.532
HE DIDN'T HAVE
TO SAY A WORD.
00:22:09.632 --> 00:22:10.599
I KNEW.
00:22:10.699 --> 00:22:13.466
AND I START TRYING
TO GET OUT OF BED.
00:22:13.566 --> 00:22:16.666
I'M PULLING THE TUBES
AND SCREAMING
00:22:16.766 --> 00:22:17.866
AND I'M THROWING UP.
00:22:17.966 --> 00:22:19.533
I KNOW THAT'S KIND OF
GROSS TO SAY,
00:22:19.633 --> 00:22:21.133
BUT, I MEAN, I JUST WAS
OUT OF CONTROL.
00:22:21.233 --> 00:22:22.732
I JUST THOUGHT IF
I COULD GET TO HIM,
00:22:22.832 --> 00:22:23.866
I COULD SAVE HIM.
00:22:23.966 --> 00:22:26.299
AND THEY CAME IN AND
STABBED ME WITH,
00:22:26.399 --> 00:22:29.299
YOU KNOW, MORPHINE, AND JUST
KNOCKED ME OUT.
00:22:29.399 --> 00:22:31.332
SO I WOULDN'T HURT MYSELF
AND SO THEY JUST
00:22:31.432 --> 00:22:32.599
HAD TO SEDATE ME.
00:22:32.699 --> 00:22:35.933
BUT IT WAS THE WORST
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
00:22:36.033 --> 00:22:38.166
AND YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO GO
TO THE GRAVESITE,
00:22:38.266 --> 00:22:39.900
AND YOU WENT TO THE
FUNERAL IN --
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:41.100
YEAH, THEY GAVE ME A
TWO-HOUR PASS.
00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:42.866
MY HUSBAND ACTUALLY
FOUGHT FOR THAT.
00:22:42.966 --> 00:22:44.766
THEY WEREN'T EVEN GONNA
LET ME GO DO THAT.
00:22:44.866 --> 00:22:46.299
BUT HE FOUGHT AND
FOUGHT FOR ME
00:22:46.399 --> 00:22:49.133
TO BE TAKEN BY AMBULANCE
FOR A TWO-HOUR PASS
00:22:49.233 --> 00:22:50.700
TO BE ABLE TO GO AND
LAY ON THE FRONT ROW
00:22:50.800 --> 00:22:53.833
OF THE CHURCH
FOR THE FUNERAL.
00:22:53.933 --> 00:22:56.199
BUT THEN THEY IMMEDIATELY
TOOK ME BY AMBULANCE BACK
00:22:56.299 --> 00:22:58.366
AND I COULDN'T DO THE
GRAVESIDE OR ANYTHING ELSE.
00:22:58.466 --> 00:23:00.733
AND SO AFTER
THAT EXPERIENCE
00:23:00.833 --> 00:23:03.366
YOU DIDN'T REALLY GET THE
CLOSURE THAT YOU NEEDED
00:23:03.466 --> 00:23:04.833
BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T ABLE
TO GO TO THE GRAVESIDE
00:23:04.933 --> 00:23:05.833
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
00:23:05.933 --> 00:23:07.833
AND SO YOU
WERE PROCESSING
00:23:07.933 --> 00:23:09.000
AND STRUGGLING WITH THAT.
00:23:09.100 --> 00:23:10.832
CAN YOU TELL HOW GOD
HELPED BRING YOU CLOSURE?
00:23:10.932 --> 00:23:11.899
YEAH.
00:23:11.999 --> 00:23:13.533
WELL, EVERYBODY IN THE
FAMILY GOT TO GO
00:23:13.633 --> 00:23:14.766
SAY GOODBYE TO BRANDON
00:23:14.866 --> 00:23:18.233
WHILE HE WAS STILL
IN THE HOSPITAL.
00:23:18.333 --> 00:23:21.232
AND HE WAS IN A SEPARATE
HOSPITAL THAN I WAS
00:23:21.332 --> 00:23:23.333
AND I WAS IN TOO
CRITICAL OF A CONDITION
00:23:23.433 --> 00:23:25.800
TO BE ABLE TO GO AND SAY
MY GOODBYES TO HIM.
00:23:25.900 --> 00:23:28.599
SO THAT WAS -- THAT WAS THE
CLOSURE THAT I WAS LIKE,
00:23:28.699 --> 00:23:31.966
I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE HIM
AND SAY MY GOODBYES TO HIM.
00:23:32.066 --> 00:23:34.099
AND SO THERE WAS A MOMENT
THAT I WAS REALLY
00:23:34.199 --> 00:23:36.966
FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF
AND REALLY DOWN
00:23:37.066 --> 00:23:39.000
AND JUST SOMEWHAT SAD.
00:23:39.100 --> 00:23:40.466
JUST, WHY AM I STILL HERE?
00:23:40.566 --> 00:23:43.333
I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I
KNEW I HAD MORE SURGERIES
00:23:43.433 --> 00:23:43.966
THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE
TO GO THROUGH
00:23:44.066 --> 00:23:44.966
AND I WAS LIKE, GOD,
00:23:45.066 --> 00:23:46.500
WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST LET ME GO?
00:23:46.600 --> 00:23:47.966
WHY AM I HERE?
00:23:48.066 --> 00:23:51.599
AND GOD SPOKE TO MY HEART,
LIKE, THERE'S PURPOSE
00:23:51.699 --> 00:23:54.433
FOR YOU TO BE HERE AND
DON'T MISS THAT PURPOSE.
00:23:54.533 --> 00:23:56.666
DON'T GET UP ONE DAY
WITHOUT KNOWING THAT
00:23:56.766 --> 00:23:58.566
THERE'S A REASON THAT
I LEFT YOU HERE.
00:23:58.666 --> 00:24:00.766
AND I'VE MADE THAT
MY LIFE'S GOAL.
00:24:00.866 --> 00:24:02.766
NOW, GOD, WHAT DO YOU
HAVE FOR ME TODAY?
00:24:02.866 --> 00:24:04.366
I DON'T WANT TO
MISS THAT PURPOSE.
00:24:04.466 --> 00:24:07.132
SO I DIDN'T WANT TO GET UP
ONE DAY AND WASTE A BREATH,
00:24:07.232 --> 00:24:09.566
LIKE THERE'S NOT ONE DAY
THAT THERE'S NOT PURPOSE
00:24:09.666 --> 00:24:10.932
THAT WE'RE HERE
ON EARTH FOR.
00:24:11.032 --> 00:24:12.133
YOU JUST HAVE TO
LOOK FOR IT.
00:24:12.233 --> 00:24:14.833
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN TO WHAT
IS MY PURPOSE TODAY, GOD?
00:24:14.933 --> 00:24:16.099
AND THAT'S MY PRAYER
EVERY MORNING.
00:24:16.199 --> 00:24:18.800
GOD, WHAT IS IT THAT
YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY
00:24:18.900 --> 00:24:22.066
THAT YOU WANT ME TO
ACCOMPLISH AND DO FOR YOU,
00:24:22.166 --> 00:24:25.433
AND THAT HAS KEPT ME GOING
EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE THEN.
00:24:25.533 --> 00:24:28.632
BUT THAT SPECIFIC TIME
I WENT TO SLEEP,
00:24:28.732 --> 00:24:29.766
AND THERE WAS A KNOCK
AT THE BACK DOOR
00:24:29.866 --> 00:24:32.599
AND SO I WENT AND
I OPENED THE BACK DOOR.
00:24:32.699 --> 00:24:34.466
AND THERE WAS MY SON BRANDON.
00:24:34.566 --> 00:24:36.799
I WAS LIKE SHOCKED, LIKE,
00:24:36.899 --> 00:24:38.199
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE BACK.
00:24:38.299 --> 00:24:39.966
YOU'RE HERE.
00:24:40.066 --> 00:24:41.732
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
00:24:41.832 --> 00:24:44.032
AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME
WITH THIS CUTE LITTLE SMILE.
00:24:44.132 --> 00:24:45.600
HE'S LIKE, HE LET ME
COME SEE YOU
00:24:45.700 --> 00:24:47.100
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:48.600
AND I WAS LIKE,
I DON'T CARE.
00:24:48.700 --> 00:24:50.566
JUST COME HERE AND
SO I GRABBED HIM.
00:24:50.666 --> 00:24:52.166
AND I CARRIED HIM
OVER TO THE COUCH.
00:24:52.266 --> 00:24:54.433
AND I LOOKED AT
HIS LITTLE FACE.
00:24:54.533 --> 00:24:56.000
AND I WAS LIKE, BRANDON,
00:24:56.100 --> 00:24:57.332
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
00:24:57.432 --> 00:24:59.466
I JUST WANT TO
GO BE WITH YOU.
00:24:59.566 --> 00:25:00.499
HE GOES, I KNOW,
00:25:00.599 --> 00:25:02.833
BUT IT'S JUST GOING
TO BE A LITTLE WHILE.
00:25:02.933 --> 00:25:05.166
AND I SAID, ARE YOU OKAY?
00:25:05.266 --> 00:25:06.000
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
00:25:06.100 --> 00:25:07.066
ARE YOU OKAY?
00:25:07.166 --> 00:25:09.666
AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME
AND AT THAT MOMENT,
00:25:09.766 --> 00:25:11.100
HE STARTED SMILING
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:13.600
AND THERE WAS THIS GLOW
AROUND HIM.
00:25:13.700 --> 00:25:18.066
HIS WHOLE HEAD AND FACE JUST
RADIATED WITH THIS JOY,
00:25:18.166 --> 00:25:20.300
AND THIS BRIGHT LIGHT
AROUND HIM.
00:25:20.400 --> 00:25:22.632
AND HE JUST SAID,
IT IS WONDERFUL, MOMMY.
00:25:22.732 --> 00:25:26.833
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW
WONDERFUL IT IS.
00:25:26.933 --> 00:25:31.466
AND I JUST WAS LIKE, AT
THAT MOMENT, MY MOMMY'S HEART,
00:25:31.566 --> 00:25:32.299
JUST, IT MELTED.
00:25:32.399 --> 00:25:34.399
AND I WAS LIKE, OH, MY GOSH.
00:25:34.499 --> 00:25:36.200
I'VE NEVER SEEN BRANDON,
HE WAS ALWAYS HAPPY,
00:25:36.300 --> 00:25:37.932
BUT I'VE NEVER
SEEN HIM THIS HAPPY.
00:25:38.032 --> 00:25:41.933
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS KIND
OF JOY IN MY SON'S FACE.
00:25:42.033 --> 00:25:45.199
AND I JUST
THOUGHT, HE'S OKAY.
00:25:45.299 --> 00:25:46.433
HE'S OKAY WITHOUT HIS MOMMY.
00:25:46.533 --> 00:25:48.033
I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, HE'S
RUNNING IN THE STREETS OF GOLD
00:25:48.133 --> 00:25:50.133
WONDERING WHERE I'M AT,
BUT HE'S WITH JESUS
00:25:50.233 --> 00:25:51.833
AND HE'S OKAY.
00:25:51.933 --> 00:25:54.466
HE'S ABSOLUTELY
BETTER THAN HE'S EVER BEEN,
00:25:54.566 --> 00:25:57.199
AND IT JUST GAVE THIS
MOMMY'S HEART CLOSURE.
00:25:57.299 --> 00:25:59.066
AND SO I WAS JUST, AT THAT
MOMENT, ABLE TO TAKE HIM
00:25:59.166 --> 00:26:01.433
IN MY ARMS AND I ROCKED HIM.
00:26:01.533 --> 00:26:03.499
AND I KISSED HIS
LITTLE FOREHEAD,
00:26:03.599 --> 00:26:05.332
AND I RAN MY FINGERS
THROUGH HIS HAIR,
00:26:05.432 --> 00:26:07.300
AND I SANG TO HIM.
00:26:07.400 --> 00:26:09.299
AND I JUST --
I LOVED ON HIM.
00:26:09.399 --> 00:26:10.499
IT FELT LIKE
ALL-NIGHT LONG.
00:26:10.599 --> 00:26:12.766
AND THEN THE SUN STARTED
COMING UP THROUGH
00:26:12.866 --> 00:26:14.066
THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW.
00:26:14.166 --> 00:26:16.299
AND HE SAID, HE TOLD ME
WHEN THE SUN CAME UP
00:26:16.399 --> 00:26:17.733
I HAD TO GO BACK.
00:26:17.833 --> 00:26:19.000
AND SO I SAID, OKAY.
00:26:19.100 --> 00:26:19.966
AND SO I WALKED HIM
TO THE BACK DOOR
00:26:20.066 --> 00:26:21.600
AND I KISSED HIS
LITTLE FOREHEAD
00:26:21.700 --> 00:26:22.466
AND I SHUT THE DOOR.
00:26:22.566 --> 00:26:23.166
AND WHEN I SHUT THE DOOR,
00:26:23.466 --> 00:26:27.900
IMMEDIATELY, I WOKE UP
AND I WAS LIKE,
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:30.900
THAT WAS A DREAM -- THAT
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN A DREAM.
00:26:31.000 --> 00:26:33.766
I KNOW I WAS WITH BRANDON.
00:26:33.866 --> 00:26:35.732
NOBODY TO THIS DAY COULD
EVER CONVINCE ME
00:26:35.832 --> 00:26:38.066
THAT I DIDN'T HAVE
THE EXPERIENCE
00:26:38.166 --> 00:26:39.700
OF BEING WITH
MY SON THAT NIGHT.
00:26:39.800 --> 00:26:41.066
I MEAN, I FELT HIM.
00:26:41.166 --> 00:26:42.400
I SMELLED HIS HAIR.
00:26:42.500 --> 00:26:45.166
I RAN MY FINGERS
THROUGH HIS HAIR.
00:26:45.266 --> 00:26:46.566
I FELT HIS SKIN.
00:26:46.666 --> 00:26:48.533
I'M LIKE, HE WAS WITH ME.
00:26:48.633 --> 00:26:51.166
I WAS LIKE, THAT WAS A GIFT
FROM GOD FOR THIS
00:26:51.266 --> 00:26:54.500
MOMMY'S HEART TO BE ABLE
TO MOVE PAST THAT POINT.
00:26:54.600 --> 00:26:55.700
THAT'S SO GOOD.
00:26:55.800 --> 00:26:58.099
I JUST LOVE HOW GOD
KNOWS WHAT WE NEED.
00:26:58.199 --> 00:26:59.100
YEAH.
00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:00.433
AND HE WAS ABLE TO
GIVE YOU THAT EXPERIENCE
00:27:00.533 --> 00:27:02.166
AND WHEN HE WAS SAYING,
HE LET ME COME
00:27:02.266 --> 00:27:03.866
SEE YOU FOR A WHILE, HE WAS
TALKING ABOUT JESUS.
00:27:03.966 --> 00:27:05.500
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
00:27:05.600 --> 00:27:06.399
AND IT'S JUST,
I DON'T KNOW,
00:27:06.499 --> 00:27:08.599
IT'S SUCH A COOL STORY.
00:27:08.699 --> 00:27:10.200
AND, OH, I JUST LOVE IT.
00:27:10.300 --> 00:27:12.233
YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK.
00:27:12.333 --> 00:27:13.333
YES.
00:27:13.433 --> 00:27:14.999
WHERE YOU TALK ABOUT,
BECAUSE THERE ARE
00:27:15.099 --> 00:27:16.133
MORE STORIES THAN THIS.
00:27:16.233 --> 00:27:18.099
SO MANY STORIES.
00:27:18.199 --> 00:27:21.200
TALK ABOUT THE BOOK AND
WHAT THE MOTIVATION,
00:27:21.300 --> 00:27:23.166
LIKE, WHAT WAS YOUR HEART
BEHIND IT AND YOUR INTENTION
00:27:23.266 --> 00:27:24.833
FOR PEOPLE READING IT?
00:27:24.933 --> 00:27:28.499
WELL, OF COURSE, I'VE BEEN
WRITING THE STORY OF MY LIFE
00:27:28.599 --> 00:27:31.533
MY WHOLE LIFE AND
I DIDN'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE
00:27:31.633 --> 00:27:33.733
VISION BOARDS AND DREAMS,
I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK.
00:27:33.833 --> 00:27:35.332
THAT WASN'T MY DREAM,
00:27:35.432 --> 00:27:39.966
BUT I DID KNOW THAT
MY JOURNEY HAS HEALING IN IT.
00:27:40.066 --> 00:27:42.266
I DID KNOW THAT EVERYTHING
THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH
00:27:42.366 --> 00:27:43.233
HAS PURPOSE.
00:27:43.333 --> 00:27:44.233
YEAH.
00:27:44.333 --> 00:27:45.932
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO
WASTE THAT PURPOSE.
00:27:46.032 --> 00:27:50.599
SO WHETHER IT'S FROM A
LITTLE GIRL THAT WAS ABUSED,
00:27:50.699 --> 00:27:56.066
TO THE REJECTION, TO FINDING
YOURSELF IN A DARK PLACE
00:27:56.166 --> 00:28:01.166
OF FEELING LOST, OR
YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR WAY OUT,
00:28:01.266 --> 00:28:02.399
YOU'RE IN ADDICTION,
00:28:02.499 --> 00:28:03.533
YOU NEED FREEDOM.
00:28:03.633 --> 00:28:06.166
WHATEVER IT IS, TO A
MARRIAGE THAT YOU'RE JUST --
00:28:06.266 --> 00:28:08.899
YOU'RE LIVING IN
EMPTINESS AND LONELINESS
00:28:08.999 --> 00:28:11.666
AND PAIN, AND YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY ANSWERS
00:28:11.766 --> 00:28:12.699
AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO --
00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:15.166
DON'T KNOW HOW TO
MAKE IT BETTER,
00:28:15.266 --> 00:28:18.166
TO LOSING A CHILD AND
THE DEPTH OF
00:28:18.266 --> 00:28:21.366
PAIN AND DESPAIR THAT
COMES FROM THAT,
00:28:21.466 --> 00:28:23.966
TO A LOT OF OTHER THINGS
THAT THE STORY DOESN'T --
00:28:24.066 --> 00:28:25.433
WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO TALK ABOUT TODAY.
00:28:25.533 --> 00:28:28.533
BUT THERE IS SO MUCH IN
THIS JOURNEY THAT I SAID,
00:28:28.633 --> 00:28:32.132
THERE'S BROKENNESS, THERE'S
PAIN, THERE'S LOSS.
00:28:32.232 --> 00:28:35.832
EVERY STORY I PRAY
THAT I CAN GIVE THEM
00:28:35.932 --> 00:28:38.666
THE ANSWERS THROUGH GOD'S WORD.
00:28:38.766 --> 00:28:41.299
AND HE'S GIVEN ME TOOLS OF
HOW TO GET A MARRIAGE
00:28:41.399 --> 00:28:42.966
TO A DIFFERENT PLACE.
00:28:43.066 --> 00:28:47.499
HOW TO HEAL A
BROKENNESS OF A RELATIONSHIP
00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:49.899
OR A BROKEN HEART WHEN
YOU'VE LOST SOMEBODY
00:28:49.999 --> 00:28:50.966
OR WHATEVER IT IS.
00:28:51.066 --> 00:28:52.266
I DON'T WANT TO --
00:28:52.366 --> 00:28:54.733
I DIDN'T WANT IT TO JUST BE A
STORY, ME TELLING MY STORY.
00:28:54.833 --> 00:28:56.899
I WANTED THERE TO BE STEPS.
00:28:56.999 --> 00:28:59.700
AND I WANTED THERE TO BE
FREEDOM TO BE FOUND
00:28:59.800 --> 00:29:01.366
AND SALVATION TO BE FOUND.
00:29:01.466 --> 00:29:02.400
TO KNOW THAT
THERE IS SALVATION
00:29:02.500 --> 00:29:03.466
ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF IT.
00:29:03.566 --> 00:29:06.166
THERE'S HOPE, THERE'S NOT
ONE PERSON HOPELESS.
00:29:06.266 --> 00:29:09.833
THERE'S NOT ONE PERSON TOO
LOST, TOO GONE, TOO MESSED UP,
00:29:09.933 --> 00:29:11.333
FOR GOD TO REDEEM THEM.
00:29:11.433 --> 00:29:13.966
NO MARRIAGE IS TOO FAR
GONE THAT GOD CANNOT
00:29:14.066 --> 00:29:16.733
TURN IT AROUND AND
BRING IT BACK.
00:29:16.833 --> 00:29:20.033
BECAUSE NOBODY WAS MORE
MISERABLE AND HATED EACH OTHER
00:29:20.133 --> 00:29:22.033
MORE THAN ME AND MY HUSBAND.
00:29:22.133 --> 00:29:23.733
THAT'S JUST PLAIN SIMPLE.
00:29:23.833 --> 00:29:25.033
WE HATED EACH OTHER.
00:29:25.133 --> 00:29:28.066
AND FOR US TO BE
SO IN LOVE --
00:29:28.166 --> 00:29:29.599
AND STILL IN LOVE,
I JUST SAW Y'ALL.
00:29:29.699 --> 00:29:31.533
AND STILL IN LOVE,
00:29:31.633 --> 00:29:33.299
AND ADVENTUROUS TOGETHER,
00:29:33.399 --> 00:29:35.566
AND HAVING FUN
TOGETHER IN LIFE.
00:29:35.666 --> 00:29:38.633
AND I JUST, I WANTED TO GIVE
THAT HOPE TO SOMEBODY ELSE
00:29:38.733 --> 00:29:40.399
BECAUSE IT'S NOT ME.
00:29:40.499 --> 00:29:42.266
THERE'S NOTHING
SPECIAL ABOUT ME.
00:29:42.366 --> 00:29:44.233
IT'S ABOUT GOD.
00:29:44.333 --> 00:29:46.566
IT IS ALL TO POINT TO HIM,
NOT ME.
00:29:46.666 --> 00:29:48.233
AND IF THEY JUST
GIVE HIM A CHANCE,
00:29:48.333 --> 00:29:49.466
AND IT'S A LIFE SURRENDERED,
00:29:49.566 --> 00:29:50.966
THAT'S ONE THING
THAT I KNOW,
00:29:51.066 --> 00:29:53.632
THAT IT'S A LIFE SURRENDERED
AND A LIFE TRUST
00:29:53.732 --> 00:29:56.533
THAT I HAVE TO FULLY TRUST IN
HIM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
00:29:56.633 --> 00:29:58.866
NO MATTER WHAT WE GO
THROUGH IN LIFE,
00:29:58.966 --> 00:30:01.200
I WANT TO SAY THE
BOOK IS WRITTEN
00:30:01.300 --> 00:30:02.400
AND I DON'T WANT
ANY MORE CHAPTERS
00:30:02.500 --> 00:30:06.433
TO BE ADDED TO MY
STORY BECAUSE I'M DONE,
00:30:06.533 --> 00:30:07.999
BUT THANK YOU, JESUS,
00:30:08.099 --> 00:30:10.899
THAT WHEN WE GIVE
GOD THE PEN OF OUR LIFE,
00:30:10.999 --> 00:30:13.000
HE IS THE ONE THAT
FINISHES OUR STORY.
00:30:13.100 --> 00:30:15.999
AND I'M JUST PRAYING THAT
I CAN HELP SOMEBODY
00:30:16.099 --> 00:30:18.599
REWRITE THEIR STORY IF
THEY'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF MESS
00:30:18.699 --> 00:30:20.366
AND HELP THEM COME TO THE END
00:30:20.466 --> 00:30:22.166
WHERE GOD CAN DO
SOMETHING GREAT
00:30:22.266 --> 00:30:24.566
AND POINT PEOPLE TO JESUS
THROUGH THEIR OWN STORY.
00:30:24.666 --> 00:30:27.133
I LOVE THAT. AND THE
BOOK, THE TITLE IS?
00:30:27.233 --> 00:30:28.999
IT'S NOT BEYOND HOPE.
00:30:29.099 --> 00:30:31.299
BECAUSE THERE'S NOT
A MARRIAGE BEYOND HOPE,
00:30:31.399 --> 00:30:33.532
THERE'S NOT A LIFE
BEYOND HOPE,
00:30:33.632 --> 00:30:36.666
THERE'S NOT A BROKEN
HEART BEYOND HOPE.
00:30:36.766 --> 00:30:39.399
HE IS OUR HOPE SO WHENEVER
YOU FIND YOURSELF
00:30:39.499 --> 00:30:41.833
IN A HOPELESS SITUATION,
00:30:41.933 --> 00:30:43.933
IT'S NOT BEYOND HOPE.
00:30:44.033 --> 00:30:44.966
GOD'S GOT YOU.
00:30:45.066 --> 00:30:46.699
THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:50.899
AND, I MEAN, I JUST DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.
00:30:50.999 --> 00:30:53.766
I MEAN, JUST THAT
YOUR LIFE IS A LIFE ABOUT
00:30:53.866 --> 00:30:56.433
HOW GOD WORKS ALL THINGS
TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD
00:30:56.533 --> 00:30:58.866
OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM WHO ARE
CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSES
00:30:58.966 --> 00:31:01.266
AND GOD TOOK
EVERYTHING AND WORKED IT
00:31:01.366 --> 00:31:04.999
FOR YOUR GOOD AND HE'S
MADE A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE.
00:31:05.099 --> 00:31:07.866
YOU KNOW, HE TAKES THE BROKEN
PIECES AND HE WEAVES
00:31:07.966 --> 00:31:11.099
LIKE A BEAUTIFUL TAPESTRY
TOGETHER AND THERE IS HOPE
00:31:11.199 --> 00:31:14.266
FOR THOSE, NO MATTER HOW DARK
OF A SITUATION THEY'RE IN.
00:31:14.366 --> 00:31:15.166
I LOVE THAT.
00:31:15.266 --> 00:31:15.799
FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT
TO GET THE BOOK,
00:31:15.899 --> 00:31:16.900
WHERE CAN THEY GET IT?
00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:20.166
AT MLISAGOFF.COM
00:31:20.266 --> 00:31:21.833
AND I'M SURE
THEY'LL SHOW THAT,
00:31:21.933 --> 00:31:26.266
BUT IT'S -- I SAY THAT THIS BOOK
IS NOT FOR THE RELIGIOUS.
00:31:26.366 --> 00:31:28.333
IT'S NOT FOR THE
PERFECT PERSON.
00:31:28.433 --> 00:31:30.332
IT'S NOT FOR THOSE THAT
THINK THAT THEY'VE
00:31:30.432 --> 00:31:31.866
GOT IT ALL TOGETHER AND
THEY HAVE THE PERFECT
00:31:31.966 --> 00:31:33.932
INSTAGRAM FAMILY.
00:31:34.032 --> 00:31:36.500
IT'S FOR THE PEOPLE THAT
YOU'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR.
00:31:36.600 --> 00:31:38.166
IT'S TO PUT IT IN THE
HANDS OF SOMEBODY
00:31:38.266 --> 00:31:39.599
THAT YOU'RE TRYING
TO HELP THEM
00:31:39.699 --> 00:31:42.266
GET THROUGH GRIEF OR HELP
THEM BREAK ADDICTIONS
00:31:42.366 --> 00:31:45.466
OR HELP THEM GET TO THE OTHER
SIDE OF THEIR DARKNESS.
00:31:45.566 --> 00:31:47.266
THAT'S WHO THIS
BOOK IS FOR,
00:31:47.366 --> 00:31:49.566
AND I PRAY THAT IT GETS IN
THOSE RIGHT HANDS
00:31:49.666 --> 00:31:50.499
OF THOSE PEOPLE.
00:31:50.599 --> 00:31:51.433
THAT'S MY PRAYER.
00:31:51.533 --> 00:31:52.633
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE
00:31:52.733 --> 00:31:53.933
AND FOR SHARING YOUR STORY.
00:31:54.033 --> 00:31:55.332
THANK YOU.
I LOVED IT.
00:31:55.432 --> 00:31:57.533
YES. AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
AND YOUR STORY
00:31:57.633 --> 00:31:59.432
IS AN ENCOURAGEMENT AND I KNOW
PEOPLE WILL BE BLESSED
00:31:59.532 --> 00:32:00.200
HEARING IT.
00:32:00.300 --> 00:32:01.266
I APPRECIATE IT.