WEBVTT 00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.666 I PERSONALLY DIDN'T KNOW BABIES BORN AT 21 WEEKS 00:00:02.766 --> 00:00:04.466 COULD SURVIVE ON THEIR OWN. 00:00:04.566 --> 00:00:05.899 EVEN IF IT WAS FOR A MINUTE. 00:00:05.999 --> 00:00:07.600 IF YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE ABORTION, 00:00:07.700 --> 00:00:08.866 SHE WOULD HAVE FELT THAT. 00:00:08.966 --> 00:00:09.999 MM-HMM. 00:00:10.099 --> 00:00:11.433 AND I THINK IT'S JUST THAT WOMEN HAVE BEEN 00:00:11.533 --> 00:00:14.100 TOLD A LIE THAT IT'S NOT A BABY YET. 00:00:14.200 --> 00:00:16.466 AND INSTEAD, YOU GAVE YOUR DAUGHTER THE GIFT OF LIFE. 00:00:16.566 --> 00:00:17.532 MM-HMM. 00:00:17.632 --> 00:00:20.399 AND YOU ALLOWED HER TO LIVE AND FEEL YOUR LOVE. 00:00:20.499 --> 00:00:22.266 SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SURVIVE. 00:00:22.366 --> 00:00:24.232 EVEN THOUGH IT ALMOST TOOK YOU, 00:00:24.332 --> 00:00:26.566 YOU CAN LIVE WITH THE PEACE, 00:00:26.666 --> 00:00:27.866 I GAVE MY DAUGHTER LIFE. 00:00:27.966 --> 00:00:29.099 I CHOSE LIFE. 00:00:39.366 --> 00:00:40.866 HEY, WELCOME BACK TO THE PODCAST. 00:00:40.966 --> 00:00:43.399 I AM HERE WITH BRITTANY, 00:00:43.499 --> 00:00:46.133 WHO I SAW YOUR STORY ONLINE 00:00:46.233 --> 00:00:47.266 AND I REACHED OUT TO YOU 00:00:47.366 --> 00:00:50.333 AND ASKED IF YOU WOULD SHARE THE STORY OF BABY MILA 00:00:50.433 --> 00:00:52.166 AND YOU SO GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED. 00:00:52.266 --> 00:00:54.466 SO I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR HONORING US 00:00:54.566 --> 00:00:55.799 BY SHARING YOUR STORY 00:00:55.899 --> 00:00:57.799 BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE. 00:00:57.899 --> 00:00:59.566 WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME. 00:00:59.666 --> 00:01:03.966 I FEEL LIKE AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS REALLY HELPS ME, 00:01:04.066 --> 00:01:06.099 YOU KNOW, HAVE HER LIFE HAVE A LEGACY. 00:01:06.199 --> 00:01:07.833 AND SO I'M GRATEFUL FOR IT. 00:01:07.933 --> 00:01:09.466 YEAH, SHE HAS A LEGACY, 00:01:09.566 --> 00:01:12.766 AND WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE A LEGACY AND A PURPOSE. 00:01:12.866 --> 00:01:15.466 AND I THINK IT'S SO IMPORTANT BECAUSE 00:01:15.566 --> 00:01:17.166 THIS IS A TESTIMONY. 00:01:17.266 --> 00:01:19.633 YOU KNOW, IT'S IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE TO HEAR STORIES 00:01:19.733 --> 00:01:22.033 FROM WHEN THINGS DON'T GO THE WAY WE WANT, 00:01:22.133 --> 00:01:24.566 BUT WE CAN STILL TRUST GOD AND THANK GOD, 00:01:24.666 --> 00:01:26.566 AND WE CAN QUESTION HIM 00:01:26.666 --> 00:01:27.766 AND LET HIM WALK US THROUGH 00:01:27.866 --> 00:01:30.333 A HEALING AND RESTORATION PROCESS AS WELL. 00:01:30.433 --> 00:01:31.899 SO THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT THING 00:01:31.999 --> 00:01:33.433 AND I'M SO THANKFUL THAT YOU'RE SHARING THIS, 00:01:33.533 --> 00:01:35.332 BECAUSE THIS KIND OF STUFF HAPPENS 00:01:35.432 --> 00:01:36.766 TO SO MANY PEOPLE. 00:01:36.866 --> 00:01:38.366 IT HAPPENS SO OFTEN. 00:01:38.466 --> 00:01:39.266 YEAH. 00:01:39.366 --> 00:01:40.832 AND I THINK IN TODAY'S DAY AND AGE, 00:01:40.932 --> 00:01:42.866 WE ALWAYS HEAR THE MIRACLE STORIES, 00:01:42.966 --> 00:01:46.166 WHERE YOU DO GET THE MIRACLE YOU ASKED FOR. 00:01:46.266 --> 00:01:47.733 AND I WOULD BE LYING IF I SAID 00:01:47.833 --> 00:01:49.899 I WASN'T PRAYING THAT MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE HERE TODAY. 00:01:49.999 --> 00:01:51.299 ABSOLUTELY. 00:01:51.399 --> 00:01:53.233 BUT I THINK ALSO WE HAVE TO REALIZE 00:01:53.333 --> 00:01:55.600 WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THERE'S SIN 00:01:55.700 --> 00:01:57.966 AND THINGS DON'T GO THE WAY THAT WE ALWAYS 00:01:58.066 --> 00:01:59.633 KIND OF ASK OR PRAY FOR. 00:01:59.733 --> 00:02:01.933 AND I THINK THE MESSAGE, LIKE THROUGH IT ALL, 00:02:02.033 --> 00:02:04.133 IS THAT GOD IS STILL GOOD 00:02:04.233 --> 00:02:05.832 AND WE JUST HAVE TO RELY ON THE FACT 00:02:05.932 --> 00:02:07.666 THAT OUR MIRACLES MIGHT NOT LOOK EXACTLY LIKE 00:02:07.766 --> 00:02:08.866 EVERYONE ELSE'S. 00:02:08.966 --> 00:02:10.099 EXACTLY. 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:13.833 YEAH. EVEN WHEN THINGS IN THE NATURAL DON'T MAKE SENSE, 00:02:13.933 --> 00:02:17.633 AND I THINK SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY, 00:02:17.733 --> 00:02:19.699 BUT YET WE STILL TRUST AND HAVE FAITH 00:02:19.799 --> 00:02:22.366 THAT EVEN WHEN OUR CIRCUMSTANCES DON'T MAKE SENSE 00:02:22.466 --> 00:02:23.666 THAT HE IS GOOD. 00:02:23.766 --> 00:02:25.466 AND THAT HE WILL WORK IT ALL FOR GOOD. 00:02:25.566 --> 00:02:26.499 EXACTLY. 00:02:26.599 --> 00:02:28.133 AND I THINK ONE OF THE THINGS, 00:02:28.233 --> 00:02:29.032 AND I'LL BE HONEST, 00:02:29.132 --> 00:02:32.332 IT'S ALMOST A YEAR AFTER, YOU KNOW, 00:02:32.432 --> 00:02:34.066 THE DEATH OF OUR DAUGHTER, 00:02:34.166 --> 00:02:35.533 AND, YOU KNOW, I ALMOST PASSED AWAY. 00:02:35.633 --> 00:02:37.433 AND SO I THINK I DON'T ALWAYS HAVE 00:02:37.533 --> 00:02:39.366 THE PERFECT ANSWER YET. 00:02:39.466 --> 00:02:41.099 AND WHO KNOWS IF I'LL EVER GET THERE HERE, 00:02:41.199 --> 00:02:44.600 BUT I DO KNOW THAT THE STORY CAN BE USED 00:02:44.700 --> 00:02:46.532 FOR HIS GLORY, 00:02:46.632 --> 00:02:48.299 AND IN ALL THINGS, LIKE HE'S STILL GOOD. 00:02:48.399 --> 00:02:51.133 AND I MIGHT BE SEARCHING SOME DAYS FOR THE REASON, 00:02:51.233 --> 00:02:53.633 YOU KNOW, THE DAYS THAT I FEEL A LITTLE BIT MORE DOWN 00:02:53.733 --> 00:02:55.199 ABOUT JUST NOT HAVING HER HERE WITH US, 00:02:55.299 --> 00:02:57.666 BUT I THINK WHEN I DO HAVE THOSE DAYS 00:02:57.766 --> 00:03:00.966 AND I LOOK BACK AT ALL THE BLESSINGS I'VE BEEN GIVEN 00:03:01.066 --> 00:03:02.833 THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE, 00:03:02.933 --> 00:03:07.632 THAT I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT SEE THAT GOD IS FAITHFUL 00:03:07.732 --> 00:03:09.432 IN ANY SITUATION. 00:03:09.532 --> 00:03:11.366 AND YOU'VE KEPT GOING, YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP, 00:03:11.466 --> 00:03:13.566 AND I THINK THAT'S SUCH AN IMPORTANT THING, 00:03:13.666 --> 00:03:16.566 IS THAT YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN UP BUT YOU DIDN'T. 00:03:16.666 --> 00:03:17.799 I THINK WHEN THE LORD LITERALLY GIVES YOU 00:03:17.899 --> 00:03:19.900 A SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE, 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:21.066 YOU HAVE TO USE IT. 00:03:21.166 --> 00:03:23.566 OKAY. SO LET'S GET INTO THE STORY ABOUT BABY MILA. 00:03:23.666 --> 00:03:24.766 YEAH. 00:03:24.866 --> 00:03:26.533 SO START US OFF, YOU'RE PREGNANT. 00:03:26.633 --> 00:03:27.366 YES. 00:03:27.466 --> 00:03:28.532 SO I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. 00:03:28.632 --> 00:03:31.433 I WANT TO SAY IT WAS LIKE JULY OF 2023. 00:03:31.533 --> 00:03:34.166 I HAVE TWO OTHER KIDS AS WELL, 00:03:34.266 --> 00:03:36.200 BUT THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN MY THIRD. 00:03:36.300 --> 00:03:37.699 AND JUST FROM THE BEGINNING, 00:03:37.799 --> 00:03:39.200 I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT, 00:03:39.300 --> 00:03:40.933 EVERYTHING WAS FINE. 00:03:41.033 --> 00:03:42.866 ABOUT FIVE WEEKS IN, 00:03:42.966 --> 00:03:45.966 I HAD SIGNS THAT MAYBE I WAS HAVING A MISCARRIAGE. 00:03:46.066 --> 00:03:47.366 SO I WENT INTO URGENT CARE, 00:03:47.466 --> 00:03:49.499 WE WERE ON A TRIP AT THE TIME. 00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:52.499 AND I KIND OF JUST ASKED TO GET CHECKED OUT. 00:03:52.599 --> 00:03:54.199 AND THE DOCTOR LITERALLY SAID, 00:03:54.299 --> 00:03:55.266 YOU'RE HAVING A MISCARRIAGE, 00:03:55.366 --> 00:03:56.799 THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. 00:03:56.899 --> 00:04:00.133 GO HOME AND THE REST OF IT WILL COME OUT, I GUESS, 00:04:00.233 --> 00:04:03.200 TO BE QUITE FRANK IS WHAT SHE SAID. 00:04:03.300 --> 00:04:05.066 SO I HAD BEGGED HER, 00:04:05.166 --> 00:04:06.532 ESSENTIALLY FOR A DAY AND A HALF 00:04:06.632 --> 00:04:08.700 FOR AN ULTRASOUND. 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:11.066 BECAUSE I KNOW AT THAT SIX-WEEK MARK 00:04:11.166 --> 00:04:12.832 YOU CAN SEE A HEARTBEAT. 00:04:12.932 --> 00:04:15.299 SO EVENTUALLY I WAS GIVEN THAT. 00:04:15.399 --> 00:04:17.066 LO AND BEHOLD, MY INTUITION WAS RIGHT, 00:04:17.166 --> 00:04:18.999 I WAS STILL PREGNANT. 00:04:19.099 --> 00:04:21.800 IT TURNED OUT I HAD HAD A SUBCHORIONIC HEMORRHAGE, 00:04:21.900 --> 00:04:23.999 WHICH IS BASICALLY A BRUISE, IF YOU WILL, 00:04:24.099 --> 00:04:25.866 WITHIN THE UTERUS. 00:04:25.966 --> 00:04:27.700 BUT TYPICALLY, THEY GO AWAY. 00:04:27.800 --> 00:04:30.566 THEY'RE ACTUALLY QUITE COMMON, 00:04:30.666 --> 00:04:33.432 AND THEY GO AWAY WITHIN LIKE A WEEK OR SO. 00:04:33.532 --> 00:04:34.799 WAS THAT CAUSING THE BLEEDING 00:04:34.899 --> 00:04:36.466 THAT MADE YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A MISCARRIAGE? 00:04:36.566 --> 00:04:39.733 YEAH, THAT WAS THE MAIN CAUSE. 00:04:39.833 --> 00:04:41.866 SO THAT WEEK I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST PRAYING, 00:04:41.966 --> 00:04:44.199 OKAY, LORD, IT'S GONNA GO AWAY, 00:04:44.299 --> 00:04:46.199 LET EVERYTHING BE FINE. 00:04:46.299 --> 00:04:51.266 AND TO MAKE A VERY LONG STORY SOMEWHAT SHORTER, 00:04:51.366 --> 00:04:52.766 WE ENDED UP GOING HOME FROM OUR TRIP 00:04:52.866 --> 00:04:53.999 A COUPLE WEEKS EARLY 00:04:54.099 --> 00:04:56.699 BECAUSE I WAS CONTINUING HAVING THOSE ISSUES. 00:04:56.799 --> 00:05:00.932 I WENT AND SAW MY DOCTOR BACK HOME IN ARIZONA. 00:05:01.032 --> 00:05:02.766 AND SHE SAID THE HEMORRHAGE HAD ACTUALLY 00:05:02.866 --> 00:05:04.300 DOUBLED IN SIZE, 00:05:04.400 --> 00:05:06.133 WHICH IS NOT COMMON. 00:05:06.233 --> 00:05:09.066 AND SO I WAS PUT ON BEDREST IMMEDIATELY. 00:05:09.166 --> 00:05:13.232 I WANT TO SAY IT MAYBE WAS WEEK SEVEN OF MY PREGNANCY. 00:05:13.332 --> 00:05:16.299 SEVERE BEDREST AND I HAVE TWO LITTLE ONES AT HOME, 00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:18.532 SO IT WAS KIND OF MORE A MENTAL CHALLENGE, 00:05:18.632 --> 00:05:21.099 IF YOU WILL. 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:22.899 THROUGHOUT THOSE FEW WEEKS 00:05:22.999 --> 00:05:27.566 I CONTINUED TO HAVE HEMORRHAGING. 00:05:27.666 --> 00:05:28.900 EVERY WEEK THAT I WENT IN, 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.533 I WAS DOING TWICE-A-WEEK CHECKUPS 00:05:31.633 --> 00:05:32.733 WITH MY DOCTOR, 00:05:32.833 --> 00:05:34.799 JUST BECAUSE I STARTED TO LOSE A LITTLE TOO MUCH BLOOD 00:05:34.899 --> 00:05:36.866 ON A DAILY BASIS. 00:05:36.966 --> 00:05:37.966 OH, MY GOODNESS. 00:05:38.066 --> 00:05:39.366 SO YOU WERE BLEEDING LIKE EVERY DAY? 00:05:39.466 --> 00:05:40.133 YES. 00:05:40.233 --> 00:05:41.199 ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. 00:05:41.299 --> 00:05:42.633 DID THEY HAVE TO GIVE YOU, LIKE, TRANSFUSIONS? 00:05:42.733 --> 00:05:43.732 YES. 00:05:43.832 --> 00:05:46.699 I ENDED UP GOING IN FOR REGULAR TRANSFUSIONS. 00:05:46.799 --> 00:05:48.733 AND THE GOAL AT THIS POINT, 00:05:48.833 --> 00:05:49.933 IF I COULD MAKE IT, 00:05:50.033 --> 00:05:52.633 WAS TO MAKE IT TO WEEK 23. 00:05:52.733 --> 00:05:54.932 BECAUSE THAT IS TECHNICALLY THE WEEK OF VIABILITY. 00:05:55.032 --> 00:05:56.866 MM-HMM. 00:05:56.966 --> 00:05:58.866 EVERY WEEK I WENT IN, 00:05:58.966 --> 00:06:01.866 MY HEMORRHAGE HAD SOMEHOW DOUBLED IN SIZE. 00:06:01.966 --> 00:06:03.033 YEAH. 00:06:03.133 --> 00:06:05.899 IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOING THE OTHER DIRECTION. 00:06:05.999 --> 00:06:09.199 BUT I WOULD SAY WEEK NINE, 00:06:09.299 --> 00:06:14.000 MY DOCTOR REALLY STARTED BEGGING ME, IF YOU WILL, 00:06:14.100 --> 00:06:15.700 TO TERMINATE. 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:17.499 MY DOCTOR IS NOT NECESSARILY A DOCTOR 00:06:17.599 --> 00:06:19.199 THAT WOULD PUSH THAT. 00:06:19.299 --> 00:06:21.666 I HAVE HAD CONVERSATIONS WITH HER IN THE PAST 00:06:21.766 --> 00:06:22.966 WITH MY PREVIOUS CHILDREN, 00:06:23.066 --> 00:06:25.233 SHE IS PRO-LIFE. 00:06:25.333 --> 00:06:26.499 OH, WOW. 00:06:26.599 --> 00:06:29.999 YEAH. SHE REALLY DIDN'T SEE A SUCCESSFUL EXIT 00:06:30.099 --> 00:06:31.466 FOR ME, PERSONALLY 00:06:31.566 --> 00:06:33.033 THROUGH THIS PREGNANCY, 00:06:33.133 --> 00:06:35.732 LET ALONE THE BABY. 00:06:35.832 --> 00:06:39.166 AND SO AT WEEK NINE, AFTER SHE HAD KIND OF ASKED ME THAT, 00:06:39.266 --> 00:06:40.732 YOU KNOW, PLEASE, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO 00:06:40.832 --> 00:06:42.066 PAST WEEK 15 00:06:42.166 --> 00:06:44.666 IN THE STATE OF ARIZONA TO HELP YOU, 00:06:44.766 --> 00:06:47.299 OR HAVE AN ABORTION. 00:06:47.399 --> 00:06:48.433 YOU'LL HAVE TO GO OUT OF STATE 00:06:48.533 --> 00:06:50.466 IF WE GET TO THAT POINT. 00:06:50.566 --> 00:06:52.166 AND I'LL BE HONEST, REBECCA, 00:06:52.266 --> 00:06:54.466 LIKE MY ENTIRE LIFE, 00:06:54.566 --> 00:06:56.633 THE LORD HAS REALLY PUT ON MY HEART, 00:06:56.733 --> 00:07:00.132 JUSTICE FOR BABIES. 00:07:00.232 --> 00:07:04.099 AND THAT'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS BEEN PASSIONATE ABOUT, 00:07:04.199 --> 00:07:08.866 SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO FIGHT FOR, 00:07:08.966 --> 00:07:11.533 JUST THE LIFE OF THE UNBORN. 00:07:11.633 --> 00:07:13.899 AND TO BE IN THE POSITION 00:07:13.999 --> 00:07:17.466 WHERE YOUR DOCTOR IS BASICALLY BEGGING YOU 00:07:17.566 --> 00:07:18.466 TO ABORT YOUR BABY, 00:07:18.566 --> 00:07:22.466 FOR YOUR LIFE TO CONTINUE, 00:07:22.566 --> 00:07:26.366 I REALLY AT THAT MOMENT FELT THE WEIGHT 00:07:26.466 --> 00:07:28.699 OF THE POSITION OF THE WOMAN ON THE OTHER SIDE, 00:07:28.799 --> 00:07:31.099 I THINK THAT I HAD BEEN SPEAKING TO MY WHOLE LIFE. 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:31.966 WOW. 00:07:32.066 --> 00:07:33.500 IT WAS TRULY THE LORD 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:36.533 WHO GAVE ME THE STAMINA AND THE STRENGTH, 00:07:36.633 --> 00:07:40.499 BUT THERE WAS NOT A MOMENT IN MY MIND 00:07:40.599 --> 00:07:43.500 WHERE I EVER FELT INCLINED TO CONSIDER THAT, 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.300 TO CONSIDER TO TERMINATE. 00:07:46.400 --> 00:07:47.300 AND, YOU KNOW, AS A BELIEVER, 00:07:47.400 --> 00:07:50.066 LIKE THAT IS - 00:07:50.166 --> 00:07:52.366 IT FEELS SILLY TO SAY LIKE PREGNANCY 101, 00:07:52.466 --> 00:07:54.099 BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN SOMETHING YOU WOULD CONSIDER. 00:07:54.199 --> 00:07:55.932 YEAH. 00:07:56.032 --> 00:07:57.300 AND SO TO BE IN THAT POSITION 00:07:57.400 --> 00:08:01.332 THAT I KIND OF HAD HEARD ABOUT IN THE PAST, 00:08:01.432 --> 00:08:03.699 AND THE WOMEN THAT I WOULD TALK TO, 00:08:03.799 --> 00:08:05.633 IT WAS HARD. 00:08:05.733 --> 00:08:09.533 BUT I THINK THAT THROUGH THE MEDICAL TRAUMA 00:08:09.633 --> 00:08:10.666 I HAD BEEN THROUGH, 00:08:10.766 --> 00:08:12.866 THE LORD WAS REALLY PREPARING ME 00:08:12.966 --> 00:08:14.400 TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK TO THOSE WOMEN 00:08:14.500 --> 00:08:16.199 NOW THAT I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE, 00:08:16.299 --> 00:08:19.399 AND SAY, I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR POSITION BEFORE, 00:08:19.499 --> 00:08:21.166 AND LIFE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER. 00:08:21.266 --> 00:08:24.933 YOUR DOCTOR WAS PRO-LIFE, 00:08:25.033 --> 00:08:28.899 BUT SHE WANTED YOU TO ABORT THE BABY. 00:08:28.999 --> 00:08:30.833 WAS HER REASONING BASICALLY THAT THIS BABY 00:08:30.933 --> 00:08:31.900 IS GOING TO KILL YOU 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:33.432 SO YOU NEED TO GET AN ABORTION, 00:08:33.532 --> 00:08:35.233 OR THIS BABY'S NOT GONNA LIVE ANYWAYS? 00:08:35.333 --> 00:08:36.666 WHAT WAS HER REASONING BEHIND THAT 00:08:36.766 --> 00:08:38.933 SINCE THAT'S NOT REALLY HER STANCE? 00:08:39.033 --> 00:08:39.933 THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. 00:08:40.033 --> 00:08:42.933 SHE DID HAVE KIND OF A DUAL PERSPECTIVE. 00:08:43.033 --> 00:08:43.799 OKAY. 00:08:43.899 --> 00:08:44.933 SHE DID NOT SEE ME MAKING IT PAST 00:08:45.033 --> 00:08:47.666 WEEK NINE OF PREGNANCY AT ALL. 00:08:47.766 --> 00:08:48.299 YOU OR THE BABY? 00:08:48.399 --> 00:08:49.166 THE BABY. 00:08:49.266 --> 00:08:50.333 OKAY. 00:08:50.433 --> 00:08:52.299 SHE ALSO DID NOT SEE ME MAKING IT 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:54.399 HAD I GOTTEN PAST WEEK NINE OF PREGNANCY 00:08:54.499 --> 00:08:57.666 BECAUSE THE BLOOD LOSS WAS SO SEVERE. 00:08:57.766 --> 00:09:02.599 YEAH, SO IT WAS, YES, TO TERMINATE TO SAVE MY LIFE, 00:09:02.699 --> 00:09:04.932 BUT SHE ALSO DIDN'T THINK THE BABY WOULD MAKE IT AT ALL. 00:09:05.032 --> 00:09:07.666 WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU WERE GOING IN 00:09:07.766 --> 00:09:09.799 AND THEY WERE SAYING IT'S DOUBLING IN SIZE 00:09:09.899 --> 00:09:10.766 INSTEAD OF SHRINKING? 00:09:10.866 --> 00:09:12.866 WERE YOU DISCOURAGED? 00:09:12.966 --> 00:09:15.866 WHAT WERE YOU FEELING IN THAT MOMENT? 00:09:15.966 --> 00:09:19.866 I WAS VERY DISCOURAGED. 00:09:19.966 --> 00:09:21.766 IN MY HEART, LIKE IF YOU WERE - 00:09:21.866 --> 00:09:22.899 I LITERALLY BET MY LIFE ON IT, 00:09:22.999 --> 00:09:24.566 AND IF YOU WERE TO ASK ME, 00:09:24.666 --> 00:09:26.233 IN MY HEART OF HEARTS, 00:09:26.333 --> 00:09:27.266 I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA MAKE IT 00:09:27.366 --> 00:09:28.433 AND MY BABY WAS GONNA MAKE IT. 00:09:28.533 --> 00:09:31.199 I JUST HAD THIS LIKE PEACE IN MY HEART ABOUT IT. 00:09:31.299 --> 00:09:33.566 SO TO HEAR THAT IT HAD DOUBLED 00:09:33.666 --> 00:09:36.866 EVERY ULTRASOUND, WHICH IS ONLY LIKE A COUPLE HOURS 00:09:36.966 --> 00:09:38.499 REALLY IN BETWEEN, 00:09:38.599 --> 00:09:40.766 WAS VERY DISCOURAGING. 00:09:40.866 --> 00:09:42.299 AND THROUGH THAT, THOUGH, EVERY ULTRASOUND 00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:43.666 MY BABY WAS DOING FINE. 00:09:43.766 --> 00:09:46.366 SHE WAS SUCKING HER THUMB, WAVING HI, 00:09:46.466 --> 00:09:47.699 DOING ALL THE THINGS YOU HOPE TO SEE 00:09:47.799 --> 00:09:50.700 AS WELL ON AN ULTRASOUND. 00:09:50.800 --> 00:09:52.666 AND I GOT EVEN MORE DISCOURAGED 00:09:52.766 --> 00:09:54.033 AS THE WEEKS WENT ON. 00:09:54.133 --> 00:09:55.832 BECAUSE WHEN SHE SAID TO TERMINATE. - YES. 00:09:55.932 --> 00:09:58.199 WHAT DID YOUR HUSBAND SAY? 00:09:58.299 --> 00:10:00.900 SO WE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF - 00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:04.133 MY HUSBAND AND MY PARENTS SUPPORTED ME, HANDS DOWN. 00:10:04.233 --> 00:10:05.700 THEY KNEW MY DECISION. 00:10:05.800 --> 00:10:08.200 AT THE SAME TIME, MY HUSBAND DIDN'T WANT 00:10:08.300 --> 00:10:09.266 HIS WIFE TO DIE. 00:10:09.366 --> 00:10:10.332 NO, OBVIOUSLY. 00:10:10.432 --> 00:10:12.133 MY PARENTS DIDN'T WANT THEIR DAUGHTER TO DIE. 00:10:12.233 --> 00:10:15.466 SO THEY, AT ONE POINT I DO REMEMBER, 00:10:15.566 --> 00:10:19.999 THEY WERE VERY CONCERNED THAT I WAS SO HEADSTRONG 00:10:20.099 --> 00:10:22.599 AND SO DETERMINED TO NOT TERMINATE. 00:10:22.699 --> 00:10:25.966 I DID HAVE ABOUT THREE PERINATAL DOCTORS COME IN, 00:10:26.066 --> 00:10:30.266 AND KIND OF GIVE ME THE NUDGE FROM MY OB, 00:10:30.366 --> 00:10:32.366 SAYING, HEY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND 00:10:32.466 --> 00:10:34.433 THE OUTCOME POSSIBILITIES. 00:10:34.533 --> 00:10:35.866 SO WE WENT OVER A LIST OF, HONESTLY, 00:10:35.966 --> 00:10:37.600 MAYBE TEN DIFFERENT OUTCOMES. 00:10:37.700 --> 00:10:39.133 THAT THE BABY COULD HAVE THIS ISSUE, 00:10:39.233 --> 00:10:41.132 YOU COULD HAVE THIS ISSUE. 00:10:41.232 --> 00:10:42.633 AND THEY WERE KIND OF BROUGHT IN 00:10:42.733 --> 00:10:44.400 TO ENCOURAGE ME TO TERMINATE. 00:10:44.500 --> 00:10:46.333 SO WHAT ULTIMATELY MADE YOU DECIDE 00:10:46.433 --> 00:10:47.600 NOT TO TERMINATE YOUR DAUGHTER, 00:10:47.700 --> 00:10:50.300 IS YOU HAD A PEACE, 00:10:50.400 --> 00:10:52.499 AND YOU FELT LIKE THAT WAS FROM THE LORD. 00:10:52.599 --> 00:10:53.666 ABSOLUTELY. 00:10:53.766 --> 00:10:55.633 AND JUST KNOWING THAT 00:10:55.733 --> 00:10:57.199 I'M NOT GONNA TERMINATE MY CHILD, 00:10:57.299 --> 00:10:59.832 I'M GONNA FIGHT FOR MY BABY. 00:10:59.932 --> 00:11:01.399 I'LL BE HONEST, IT WASN'T EVEN 00:11:01.499 --> 00:11:02.833 A BIG DECISION FOR ME. 00:11:02.933 --> 00:11:03.866 WOW. 00:11:03.966 --> 00:11:06.233 IT WAS JUST THE MOST OBVIOUS THING YOU DO, 00:11:06.333 --> 00:11:08.800 YOU DON'T TERMINATE. 00:11:08.900 --> 00:11:11.399 AND THAT'S NOT SAYING LIKE FOR ME, 00:11:11.499 --> 00:11:14.033 THAT IS LITERALLY FROM GOD THAT HE GAVE ME 00:11:14.133 --> 00:11:15.400 THAT PEACE OF MIND, 00:11:15.500 --> 00:11:17.033 THAT I COULD JUST STICK THROUGH WITH THAT ANSWER 00:11:17.133 --> 00:11:18.999 BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY ANSWER. 00:11:19.099 --> 00:11:20.732 NO, I'VE EXPERIENCED THAT PEACE 00:11:20.832 --> 00:11:22.232 IN VERY DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES 00:11:22.332 --> 00:11:24.099 SO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 00:11:24.199 --> 00:11:26.200 THAT PEACE IS FROM GOD. 00:11:26.300 --> 00:11:27.433 IT'S BASICALLY AN ANCHOR 00:11:27.533 --> 00:11:29.633 AND IT'S BASICALLY TELLING YOU TO TRUST HIM 00:11:29.733 --> 00:11:31.933 AND THAT YOU CAN LEAN INTO HIM AND LISTEN TO HIM 00:11:32.033 --> 00:11:32.999 AND THAT PEACE IS SUPPOSED TO BE 00:11:33.099 --> 00:11:34.266 OUR UMPIRE IN OUR LIFE. 00:11:34.366 --> 00:11:35.933 IT'S SUPPOSED TO GUIDE US. 00:11:36.033 --> 00:11:39.133 AND SO THIS IS SUCH A POWERFUL AND POIGNANT EXAMPLE 00:11:39.233 --> 00:11:41.466 OF HOW, IN SUCH AN EXTREME SITUATION, 00:11:41.566 --> 00:11:44.232 HOW IMPERATIVE IT IS TO LISTEN TO THE LORD, 00:11:44.332 --> 00:11:45.299 TO LISTEN TO THE HOLY SPIRIT, 00:11:45.399 --> 00:11:46.533 AND FOLLOW THAT PEACE. 00:11:46.633 --> 00:11:48.366 BECAUSE THAT PEACE WILL NOT LEAD YOU ASTRAY. 00:11:48.466 --> 00:11:51.566 SO WEEK TEN, YOU SAID THEY PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL. 00:11:51.666 --> 00:11:55.033 IT WAS THE YOUNGEST GESTATION EVER 00:11:55.133 --> 00:11:56.400 IN THE HISTORY OF THE HOSPITAL. 00:11:56.500 --> 00:11:57.366 YOU WERE THERE FOR TWO WEEKS. 00:11:57.466 --> 00:11:59.533 YOU GO HOME, SO I'M ASSUMING THAT 00:11:59.633 --> 00:12:01.333 AT SOME POINT IT WAS OKAY 00:12:01.433 --> 00:12:02.566 AND THEY SENT YOU BACK, 00:12:02.666 --> 00:12:03.899 BUT THEN YOU ENDED UP RIGHT BACK IN. 00:12:03.999 --> 00:12:04.766 SO WHAT HAPPENED THEN? 00:12:04.866 --> 00:12:05.433 YEAH. 00:12:05.533 --> 00:12:06.466 THEY WOULD SEND ME HOME 00:12:06.566 --> 00:12:07.899 BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT TO DO FOR ME. 00:12:07.999 --> 00:12:09.299 THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY THEY COULD HELP ME. 00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:11.666 SO THEN I'D GO TO LIKE AN OUTPATIENT TRANSFUSION CENTER 00:12:11.766 --> 00:12:14.432 INSTEAD OF GETTING BLOOD IN THE HOSPITAL. 00:12:14.532 --> 00:12:15.766 EVERY TIME I WENT HOME, THOUGH, 00:12:15.866 --> 00:12:17.499 HONESTLY, IT WAS ONE OR TWO DAYS, 00:12:17.599 --> 00:12:20.266 AND THEN I'D END UP BACK IN THERE, TWO OR THREE WEEKS. 00:12:20.366 --> 00:12:22.199 WOULD YOU LIKE, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO MAKE YOU 00:12:22.299 --> 00:12:23.466 GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL? 00:12:23.566 --> 00:12:28.099 BLEED SO SEVERELY THAT I ALMOST PASS OUT. 00:12:28.199 --> 00:12:30.266 I WAS JUST BLEEDING - 00:12:30.366 --> 00:12:35.066 I WAS, IT'S LIKE I DON'T WANT TO BE TOO MUCH. 00:12:35.166 --> 00:12:35.899 OH, IT'S OKAY. 00:12:35.999 --> 00:12:37.333 THE LEVEL OF BLEEDING WAS JUST, 00:12:37.433 --> 00:12:39.066 MY BODY COULDN'T PRODUCE ENOUGH BLOOD 00:12:39.166 --> 00:12:40.232 TO KEEP UP. 00:12:40.332 --> 00:12:41.433 OH, MY GOSH. 00:12:41.533 --> 00:12:42.599 I'M SHOCKED THEY SENT YOU HOME. 00:12:42.699 --> 00:12:43.466 YEAH, YEAH. 00:12:43.566 --> 00:12:44.999 THAT WAS ALSO A PROBLEM. 00:12:45.099 --> 00:12:45.999 OH, MY GOSH. 00:12:46.099 --> 00:12:48.400 SO YOU ENDED UP BACK IN. 00:12:48.500 --> 00:12:50.133 SO YOU COME BACK IN AT WEEK 12, 00:12:50.233 --> 00:12:51.866 AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED AT WEEK 14? 00:12:51.966 --> 00:12:53.600 WEEK 14, SO AT THAT POINT I HAD BEEN IN THERE 00:12:53.700 --> 00:12:56.999 TWO WEEKS FOR THIS OTHER STAY. 00:12:57.099 --> 00:12:59.733 AT WEEK 14 AND SIX DAYS, 00:12:59.833 --> 00:13:01.599 THEY HAD BROUGHT IN THREE DOCTORS, 00:13:01.699 --> 00:13:03.299 PERINATAL DOCTORS. 00:13:03.399 --> 00:13:06.033 THAT WAS THE LAST DAY THAT THEY COULD HELP ME, 00:13:06.133 --> 00:13:09.332 IN TERMS OF DOING A D&C TERMINATION. 00:13:09.432 --> 00:13:10.466 OH, IN THE STATE OF ARIZONA. 00:13:10.566 --> 00:13:13.066 TO HELP SAVE MY LIFE IN THE STATE OF ARIZONA. 00:13:13.166 --> 00:13:15.766 WEEK 15, AND I DENIED, OF COURSE. 00:13:15.866 --> 00:13:17.566 I REMEMBER MY PARENTS WERE BAWLING. 00:13:17.666 --> 00:13:19.032 MY HUSBAND WAS BAWLING. 00:13:19.132 --> 00:13:20.566 AND I HAD THREE PERINATALS SITTING THERE 00:13:20.666 --> 00:13:24.633 LIKE BEGGING ME TO MAKE THIS DECISION. 00:13:24.733 --> 00:13:28.033 MY DOCTOR THEN CAME IN THE NEXT DAY 00:13:28.133 --> 00:13:30.533 WHEN I WAS OFFICIALLY 15 WEEKS, 00:13:30.633 --> 00:13:33.799 AND I REMEMBER SHE WAS A LITTLE UPSET THAT MORNING. 00:13:33.899 --> 00:13:37.366 SHE SAID YOU HAVE TIED MY HANDS. 00:13:37.466 --> 00:13:39.766 MY HANDS ARE OFFICIALLY TIED FOR YOU. 00:13:39.866 --> 00:13:42.433 YOU ARE BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE. 00:13:42.533 --> 00:13:44.566 AND I CAN'T TELL YOU THE OUTCOME 00:13:44.666 --> 00:13:46.400 OF WHAT THIS PREGNANCY IS GOING TO BE, 00:13:46.500 --> 00:13:48.900 WHETHER YOU'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT OR NOT, 00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:49.899 BUT I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW 00:13:49.999 --> 00:13:51.599 I'M GONNA DO EVERYTHING I CAN 00:13:51.699 --> 00:13:54.400 WITH THE WAY THAT YOU HAVE PUT ME IN THIS POSITION. 00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:55.366 OH, GOSH. 00:13:55.466 --> 00:13:56.199 YES. 00:13:56.299 --> 00:13:57.199 AND I ACTUALLY LOVE MY DOCTOR, 00:13:57.299 --> 00:14:00.332 BUT SHE, I THINK SHE WAS REALLY SCARED. 00:14:00.432 --> 00:14:03.299 SHE'S BEEN A HIGH-RISK OB FOR 40 YEARS 00:14:03.399 --> 00:14:06.533 AND SHE'S NEVER HAD THIS SITUATION BEFORE. 00:14:06.633 --> 00:14:09.866 SO THE NEXT WEEK AFTER I HAD ANOTHER ULTRASOUND, 00:14:09.966 --> 00:14:11.033 I HAD SOME OTHER THINGS. 00:14:11.133 --> 00:14:13.333 SO I HAD PLACENTA PREVIA, 00:14:13.433 --> 00:14:15.433 IN ADDITION TO THE SUBCHORIONIC HEMORRHAGE. 00:14:15.533 --> 00:14:16.933 WHAT'S THAT? 00:14:17.033 --> 00:14:20.833 WHERE THE PLACENTA COMPLETELY COVERS YOUR CERVIX, 00:14:20.933 --> 00:14:22.366 SO THE CHANCE OF BLEEDING OUT 00:14:22.466 --> 00:14:25.032 FROM YOUR PLACENTA IS EXTREMELY HIGH. 00:14:25.132 --> 00:14:26.733 SO I HAD ALL OF THESE ISSUES 00:14:26.833 --> 00:14:29.566 THAT CIRCLE AROUND, HONESTLY, BLOOD. 00:14:29.666 --> 00:14:34.166 AND I THINK AT THE END OF MY PREGNANCY, 00:14:34.266 --> 00:14:36.699 THIS IS KIND OF LIKE DOWN THE ROAD FROM THIS STORY, 00:14:36.799 --> 00:14:39.966 I JUST REMEMBER LOOKING AT MY DAUGHTER, 00:14:40.066 --> 00:14:42.633 WHO WAS IN THE NEWBORN BABY BIN, 00:14:42.733 --> 00:14:45.699 YOU KNOW, THE CLEAR BIN, IT'S KIND OF ICONIC, 00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:48.033 YOU ALWAYS DREAM OF SEEING YOUR BABY THERE. 00:14:48.133 --> 00:14:49.899 AND I WAS SITTING THERE LOOKING AT HER, 00:14:49.999 --> 00:14:51.400 AND I WAS LOOKING AT THE BLOOD TRANSFUSION 00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:53.800 I WAS RECEIVING, 00:14:53.900 --> 00:14:56.833 AND I WAS THINKING, WHY WAS THIS WHOLE PREGNANCY 00:14:56.933 --> 00:14:58.933 AN ISSUE WITH BLOOD? 00:14:59.033 --> 00:15:02.499 YOU KNOW, AND IT REALLY KIND OF JUST HIT ME 00:15:02.599 --> 00:15:04.066 THAT IT WAS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF 00:15:04.166 --> 00:15:05.766 LIKE, CHRIST DIED FOR US, 00:15:05.866 --> 00:15:07.400 SHED HIS BLOOD FOR US 00:15:07.500 --> 00:15:09.233 SO THAT WE CAN LIVE. 00:15:09.333 --> 00:15:11.400 AND IT WAS THAT MOMENT, THAT AFTERNOON 00:15:11.500 --> 00:15:12.366 AFTER I HAD HER, 00:15:12.466 --> 00:15:14.366 AND I WAS RECEIVING MORE BLOOD, 00:15:14.466 --> 00:15:17.533 THAT IT REALLY JUST MADE ME APPRECIATE 00:15:17.633 --> 00:15:20.033 ON A VERY, VERY MINIMAL LEVEL 00:15:20.133 --> 00:15:25.133 THAT GOD GAVE HIS ONLY SON FOR US. 00:15:25.233 --> 00:15:27.200 AND NOWHERE NEAR THE EXPERIENCE THAT 00:15:27.300 --> 00:15:28.266 GOD WENT THROUGH 00:15:28.366 --> 00:15:30.700 SEEING HIS SON DIE, 00:15:30.800 --> 00:15:33.499 BUT I THINK IT OPENED A NEW APPRECIATION 00:15:33.599 --> 00:15:35.033 AND A NEW WAY FOR ME. 00:15:35.133 --> 00:15:36.099 WOW. 00:15:36.199 --> 00:15:37.000 YEAH. 00:15:37.100 --> 00:15:38.066 WELL, YOU WALKED THROUGH THAT VALLEY 00:15:38.166 --> 00:15:39.666 OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, 00:15:39.766 --> 00:15:41.166 HE IS WITH YOU THERE. 00:15:41.266 --> 00:15:43.766 BUT HE WILL GIVE YOU A REVELATION IN THE TRIAL 00:15:43.866 --> 00:15:45.766 THAT YOU WILL NEVER RECEIVE ON THE MOUNTAINTOP, 00:15:45.866 --> 00:15:47.699 AND THAT'S ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS. 00:15:47.799 --> 00:15:50.599 AND IT JUST TOUCHES ME BECAUSE, 00:15:50.699 --> 00:15:52.066 YOU KNOW, HAVING KIDS I THINK 00:15:52.166 --> 00:15:54.299 IS ONE OF THE CLOSEST EXPERIENCES 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:57.232 TO, YOU KNOW, EXPERIENCING LIKE THE LOVE OF GOD. 00:15:57.332 --> 00:15:58.266 YEAH. 00:15:58.366 --> 00:16:01.866 THE EASY PARTS AND THE HARD PARTS, YOU KNOW. 00:16:01.966 --> 00:16:05.333 SO YOUR OB SAYS, MY HANDS ARE TIED, 00:16:05.433 --> 00:16:07.133 IT'S 15 WEEKS. 00:16:07.233 --> 00:16:08.533 WHAT HAPPENS FROM THERE? 00:16:08.633 --> 00:16:10.199 YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO WEEK 23 00:16:10.299 --> 00:16:12.866 BECAUSE IF YOU DELIVER YOUR BABY, 00:16:12.966 --> 00:16:14.966 IT'S VIABLE OUTSIDE THE WOMB. 00:16:15.066 --> 00:16:16.300 WHEN ALL THIS WAS GOING ON 00:16:16.400 --> 00:16:17.433 AND THEY WANTED YOU TO ABORT, 00:16:17.533 --> 00:16:19.699 AND THE PLACENTA HAD MOVED OVER YOUR CERVIX 00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:20.799 AND ALL THIS KIND OF STUFF, 00:16:20.899 --> 00:16:21.766 WHEN THEY WOULD DO THE ULTRASOUNDS, 00:16:21.866 --> 00:16:23.366 WHAT WAS YOUR BABY LIKE AT THIS POINT? 00:16:23.466 --> 00:16:24.366 PERFECT. 00:16:24.466 --> 00:16:25.166 REALLY? 00:16:25.266 --> 00:16:26.033 YEAH. 00:16:26.133 --> 00:16:27.132 SHE WAS PERFECT. 00:16:27.232 --> 00:16:27.966 OH, MY GOSH, WOW. 00:16:28.066 --> 00:16:29.099 SHE WAS GROWING PERFECTLY. 00:16:29.199 --> 00:16:30.599 RIGHT MEASUREMENTS, VERY ACTIVE. 00:16:30.699 --> 00:16:31.899 YOU WERE JUST THE ONE THAT WAS LIKE 00:16:31.999 --> 00:16:33.099 ALMOST DYING EVERY DAY. 00:16:33.199 --> 00:16:35.466 I WAS A TICKING TIME BOMB. 00:16:35.566 --> 00:16:37.166 SHE WAVED HI EVERY SINGLE TIME. 00:16:37.266 --> 00:16:38.332 AWW. 00:16:38.432 --> 00:16:40.332 SHE WAS KICKING, SUCKING HER THUMB. 00:16:40.432 --> 00:16:42.733 LITERALLY THE MOST, LIKE A PERFECT HUMAN BEING. 00:16:42.833 --> 00:16:45.000 NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER. 00:16:45.100 --> 00:16:48.500 THAT WAS AT 15 WEEKS THAT I WAS TOLD MY DOCTOR 00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:51.233 HAD HER HANDS TIED. 00:16:51.333 --> 00:16:53.266 SO I STAYED IN THERE. 00:16:53.366 --> 00:16:57.699 AND WEEK 18, I HAD A SEVERELY SHORT CERVIX. 00:16:57.799 --> 00:17:00.566 IT WAS ONE CENTIMETER. 00:17:00.666 --> 00:17:02.032 I HAD THE PLACENTA PREVIA, 00:17:02.132 --> 00:17:05.833 AND I HAD A SUBCHORIONIC HEMORRHAGE AT THIS POINT. 00:17:05.933 --> 00:17:08.066 AT WEEK 18 ALSO, I STARTED HAVING 00:17:08.166 --> 00:17:10.233 A PARTIAL PLACENTAL ABRUPTION. 00:17:10.333 --> 00:17:11.066 AND THAT'S WHERE THE PLACENTA 00:17:11.166 --> 00:17:13.999 STARTS COMING OUT OF THE CERVIX? 00:17:14.099 --> 00:17:15.433 PLACENTAL ABRUPTION IS WHEN IT STARTS 00:17:15.533 --> 00:17:16.533 DETACHING FROM THE UTERUS. 00:17:16.633 --> 00:17:17.466 OH, THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 00:17:17.566 --> 00:17:18.832 YEAH. 00:17:18.932 --> 00:17:21.200 SO THE BABY ESSENTIALLY COULD - 00:17:21.300 --> 00:17:21.933 DIE? 00:17:22.033 --> 00:17:24.133 DIE, COULD LOSE ITS OXYGEN. 00:17:24.233 --> 00:17:26.166 BECAUSE THE PLACENTA IS WHAT GIVES LIFE 00:17:26.266 --> 00:17:27.032 TO THE BABY, 00:17:27.132 --> 00:17:29.766 SO IF THE PLACENTA STARTS TO DETACH 00:17:29.866 --> 00:17:31.599 THAT'S GONNA BE - 00:17:31.699 --> 00:17:32.966 YEAH. 00:17:33.066 --> 00:17:37.099 AND IT CAN SURVIVE A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE OF DETACHMENT. 00:17:37.199 --> 00:17:40.666 MINE WAS, AT ONE POINT, IT WAS SOMEWHAT MINIMAL 00:17:40.766 --> 00:17:42.866 SO SHE WAS ACTUALLY STILL FINE. 00:17:42.966 --> 00:17:45.833 SHE WAS MEASURING PERFECTLY ON TRACK. 00:17:45.933 --> 00:17:47.066 STILL ACTIVE. 00:17:47.166 --> 00:17:48.132 EVERYTHING. 00:17:48.232 --> 00:17:50.700 AND I JUST KIND OF CONTINUED IN THIS PATTERN 00:17:50.800 --> 00:17:53.166 OF STAYING IN THE HOSPITAL, 00:17:53.266 --> 00:17:54.900 CONTINUING TO GET TRANSFUSIONS. 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:56.366 I STARTED GETTING PLASMA, 00:17:56.466 --> 00:17:59.799 I STARTED GETTING IRON TRANSFUSIONS AS WELL. 00:17:59.899 --> 00:18:02.733 AND I WAS TOLD WAY BACK, 00:18:02.833 --> 00:18:04.266 EVEN FROM WEEK NINE, 00:18:04.366 --> 00:18:05.699 MY DOCTOR SAID, 00:18:05.799 --> 00:18:08.833 IT'S NOT EVERY DAY BUT EVERY MINUTE YOU ARE PREGNANT 00:18:08.933 --> 00:18:10.266 IS A MIRACLE. 00:18:10.366 --> 00:18:10.733 WOW. 00:18:10.833 --> 00:18:11.932 YES. 00:18:12.032 --> 00:18:15.199 AND EVEN THOUGH MY DOCTOR IS PRO-LIFE, 00:18:15.299 --> 00:18:17.866 THE FACT THAT SHE KIND OF COULDN'T BELIEVE 00:18:17.966 --> 00:18:20.632 THAT MILA WAS STILL KICKING AND GROWING 00:18:20.732 --> 00:18:23.300 AND JUST DOING EXACTLY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE DOING 00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:24.232 AT THIS STAGE 00:18:24.332 --> 00:18:26.366 WAS A TRUE MIRACLE EVERY MINUTE. 00:18:26.466 --> 00:18:27.199 SO THAT WAS GREAT. 00:18:27.299 --> 00:18:28.633 EVERY MORNING I WOKE UP, 00:18:28.733 --> 00:18:29.566 I LIKE THANKED THE LORD, FIRST THING 00:18:29.699 --> 00:18:32.066 THAT I WAS ALIVE AND THEN THAT MY DAUGHTER 00:18:32.166 --> 00:18:33.666 WAS STILL GROWING. 00:18:33.766 --> 00:18:34.800 INSTEAD OF BEING DISCOURAGED, 00:18:34.900 --> 00:18:38.000 YOU MORE TOOK AN ATTITUDE AND POSITION OF GRATITUDE 00:18:38.100 --> 00:18:39.799 THAT YOU WERE JUST ALIVE ANOTHER DAY 00:18:39.899 --> 00:18:43.033 AND THAT BABY MILA WAS STILL GROWING AND WAS OKAY? 00:18:43.133 --> 00:18:43.933 OR WAS IT BOTH? 00:18:44.033 --> 00:18:45.433 IT WAS ALL THE EMOTIONS? 00:18:45.533 --> 00:18:47.833 THERE WERE SOME DAYS WHEN I DID HAVE THE ULTRASOUNDS, 00:18:47.933 --> 00:18:50.266 I HAD ULTRASOUNDS TWICE A DAY, 00:18:50.366 --> 00:18:52.799 THAT I WAS A BIT DISCOURAGED 00:18:52.899 --> 00:18:54.966 IF MY HEMORRHAGE HAD GROWN, 00:18:55.066 --> 00:18:57.432 OR IF THEY HADN'T SEEN ANY IMPROVEMENT. 00:18:57.532 --> 00:19:00.599 I WAS KIND OF HOPING AND PRAYING 00:19:00.699 --> 00:19:02.633 THAT GOD WOULD GIVE ME THE MIRACLE OF 00:19:02.733 --> 00:19:05.400 ONE DAY THE ULTRASOUND MAY HAVE JUST DISAPPEARED. 00:19:05.500 --> 00:19:07.133 WOULDN'T THAT BE INCREDIBLE? 00:19:07.233 --> 00:19:09.666 AND I HAD SO MANY ULTRASOUND TECHNICIANS, 00:19:09.766 --> 00:19:11.233 NURSES AND DOCTORS, 00:19:11.333 --> 00:19:12.966 COMING IN ALL DAY EVERY DAY. 00:19:13.066 --> 00:19:15.399 CARDIOLOGISTS, EVERYTHING. 00:19:15.499 --> 00:19:16.833 AND I REALLY WANTED TO KIND OF JUST 00:19:16.933 --> 00:19:18.266 SHARE THAT MIRACLE WITH THEM. 00:19:18.366 --> 00:19:19.066 YEAH. 00:19:19.166 --> 00:19:20.099 BECAUSE THEY HAD NEVER SEEN THIS. 00:19:20.199 --> 00:19:22.099 IN ALL OF THEIR YEARS OF EXPERTISE, 00:19:22.199 --> 00:19:24.433 THEY HAD NEVER SEEN THIS PARTICULAR CONDITION BEFORE. 00:19:24.533 --> 00:19:26.599 AND I JUST, EVERY TIME THEY WOULD ASK ME, 00:19:26.699 --> 00:19:27.533 LIKE, HOW ARE YOU DOING? 00:19:27.633 --> 00:19:29.066 I WAS LIKE, HONESTLY, I'M PRAYING 00:19:29.166 --> 00:19:30.166 AND I'M JUST TRUSTING THAT GOD'S GONNA 00:19:30.266 --> 00:19:32.233 GIVE ME THIS MIRACLE. 00:19:32.333 --> 00:19:34.400 THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS WE NAMED OUR DAUGHTER MILA, 00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:35.833 BECAUSE IT MEANS MIRACLE. 00:19:35.933 --> 00:19:37.133 OH. 00:19:37.233 --> 00:19:39.300 SO WE WERE GENUINELY LIKE, 00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:42.133 IF SHE MAKES IT, SHE IS A MIRACLE. 00:19:42.233 --> 00:19:43.699 YOU KNOW, EVERY BABY IS, 00:19:43.799 --> 00:19:45.433 BUT IN THIS PARTICULAR POSITION, 00:19:45.533 --> 00:19:47.166 WE WERE JUST HOPING FOR THAT MIRACLE. 00:19:47.266 --> 00:19:49.132 I WAS REALLY HOPING THAT IT WOULD JUST 00:19:49.232 --> 00:19:51.233 DISAPPEAR ONE DAY. 00:19:51.333 --> 00:19:54.266 BUT IT DIDN'T AND THAT'S OKAY. 00:19:54.366 --> 00:19:57.366 REFINED THROUGH TRIALS. 00:19:57.466 --> 00:20:00.199 AND I WOULD SAY IT WAS REALLY HARD MENTALLY. 00:20:00.299 --> 00:20:02.832 I WOULD LISTEN TO CHRISTIAN MUSIC 00:20:02.932 --> 00:20:04.032 ALL DAY EVERY DAY. 00:20:04.132 --> 00:20:05.932 YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE STUCK IN A HOSPITAL BED. 00:20:06.032 --> 00:20:07.066 IN A HOSPITAL BED. 00:20:07.166 --> 00:20:09.432 MY MOM WOULD COME IN. 00:20:09.532 --> 00:20:10.432 EVERYONE TRIED VISITING ME. 00:20:10.532 --> 00:20:12.766 MY HUSBAND WOULD BRING THE KIDS IN. 00:20:12.866 --> 00:20:14.433 BUT YOU'RE ESSENTIALLY IN THERE KIND OF ALONE 00:20:14.533 --> 00:20:16.533 WITH THE BABY YOU'RE GROWING, 00:20:16.633 --> 00:20:19.666 GOD, AND THAT'S ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW. 00:20:19.766 --> 00:20:22.600 AND I THINK ALSO THAT ISOLATION, 00:20:22.700 --> 00:20:24.400 IT JUST MAKES YOU REALIZE 00:20:24.500 --> 00:20:25.899 LIKE WHAT YOU NEED TO LIVE. 00:20:25.999 --> 00:20:27.232 MM-HMM. 00:20:27.332 --> 00:20:29.066 YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR HOUSE FULL OF ALL YOUR THINGS. 00:20:29.166 --> 00:20:31.233 YOU DON'T NEED THEM. 00:20:31.333 --> 00:20:33.900 YOU REALLY JUST NEED WHAT'S HIDDEN IN YOUR 00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:35.866 HEART AT THAT POINT 00:20:35.966 --> 00:20:37.766 AND YOUR FAITH AND WHAT YOU CAN RELY ON. 00:20:37.866 --> 00:20:39.766 I WOULD SAY THE CULMINATION OF ALL OF IT 00:20:39.866 --> 00:20:43.599 REALLY HAPPENED NOVEMBER 8TH. 00:20:43.699 --> 00:20:46.199 I STARTED GOING INTO HEAVY LABOR. 00:20:46.299 --> 00:20:47.933 HOW FAR WERE YOU AT THIS POINT? 00:20:48.033 --> 00:20:49.400 I WAS ALMOST 21 WEEKS. 00:20:49.500 --> 00:20:52.633 SO I WAS 20 WEEKS AND SIX DAYS EXACTLY. 00:20:52.733 --> 00:20:56.366 I STARTED GOING INTO LABOR WEDNESDAY MORNING, 00:20:56.466 --> 00:20:58.066 LIKE 7 A.M. 00:20:58.166 --> 00:20:59.032 THEY CALLED MY DOCTOR, 00:20:59.132 --> 00:21:01.866 SHE RAN OVER FROM HER HOUSE. 00:21:01.966 --> 00:21:02.966 WERE YOU HAVING CONTRACTIONS? 00:21:03.066 --> 00:21:04.933 SEVERE CONTRACTIONS, YEAH. 00:21:05.033 --> 00:21:05.899 OH, MY GOSH. 00:21:05.999 --> 00:21:07.133 WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? 00:21:07.233 --> 00:21:11.399 TO BE HONEST, I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN, 00:21:11.499 --> 00:21:13.466 AND THEY WEREN'T REGULAR CONTRACTIONS - 00:21:13.566 --> 00:21:14.899 BECAUSE YOU HAD TWO BABIES BEFORE. 00:21:14.999 --> 00:21:16.366 MM-HMM, YES. 00:21:16.466 --> 00:21:19.833 AND WE FOUND OUT LATER IT WASN'T JUST LABOR, 00:21:19.933 --> 00:21:22.166 IT WAS PART OF MY PLACENTA ABRUPTION, 00:21:22.266 --> 00:21:24.899 WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW AT THE TIME, 00:21:24.999 --> 00:21:28.199 BUT APPARENTLY ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL THINGS 00:21:28.299 --> 00:21:29.400 YOU CAN EXPERIENCE AS A HUMAN, 00:21:29.500 --> 00:21:30.466 I DID NOT KNOW THAT, 00:21:30.566 --> 00:21:32.366 BUT IT'S LITERALLY TWO ORGANS TEARING APART. 00:21:32.466 --> 00:21:32.899 OH. 00:21:32.999 --> 00:21:34.533 YES, I KNOW. 00:21:34.633 --> 00:21:36.466 AS IF HAVING A BABY WASN'T HARD ENOUGH. 00:21:36.566 --> 00:21:38.299 I HAVE THREE KIDS, THAT'S WHY I'M 00:21:38.399 --> 00:21:39.633 JUST DYING OVER HERE. 00:21:39.733 --> 00:21:42.332 BECAUSE I JUST IMAGINE HOW PAINFUL THAT WOULD BE. 00:21:42.432 --> 00:21:44.033 OH, MY GOSH. 00:21:44.133 --> 00:21:46.866 AND I WAS LOSING SO MUCH BLOOD AT THE SAME TIME. 00:21:46.966 --> 00:21:49.466 SO I WAS, I WANT TO SAY 00:21:49.566 --> 00:21:50.899 I WAS IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS. 00:21:50.999 --> 00:21:52.600 I WAS VERY, VERY DIZZY. 00:21:52.700 --> 00:21:53.533 OH, MY GOODNESS. 00:21:53.633 --> 00:21:55.766 I WAS LOSING SO MUCH THAT I STARTED, 00:21:55.866 --> 00:21:58.133 EVERYTHING STARTED TO GO BLURRY. 00:21:58.233 --> 00:21:59.833 AND THEY - 00:21:59.933 --> 00:22:02.233 I WAS SO CLOSE TO MAKING IT. 00:22:02.333 --> 00:22:03.633 AT THAT POINT THEY SAID, YOU KNOW, 00:22:03.733 --> 00:22:05.433 THE GOAL'S NOT 23 WEEKS ANYMORE, 00:22:05.533 --> 00:22:07.500 IF WE CAN GET YOU TO 22 WEEKS, 00:22:07.600 --> 00:22:09.332 YOU KNOW, MILA WOULD HAVE 00:22:09.432 --> 00:22:11.799 MAYBE A 30 PERCENT CHANCE OF SURVIVAL. 00:22:11.899 --> 00:22:13.766 THAT'S THE SIZE THAT THEY'RE ABLE 00:22:13.866 --> 00:22:16.032 TO TRY TO INTUBATE. 00:22:16.132 --> 00:22:18.832 AND SO I WAS ONLY SEVEN DAYS AWAY 00:22:18.932 --> 00:22:20.800 FROM MAKING IT TO 22 WEEKS. 00:22:20.900 --> 00:22:22.300 YOU KNOW, AS A MOM WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT, 00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:23.900 A LOT HAPPENS IN SEVEN DAYS. 00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:28.766 A LOT HAPPENS IN ONE DAY, YOU KNOW, GROWTH WISE. 00:22:28.866 --> 00:22:32.599 AND SO MY GOAL AT THAT POINT WAS 22 WEEKS. 00:22:32.699 --> 00:22:35.099 THIS ENTIRE TIME, I HAD THE MOST INCREDIBLE 00:22:35.199 --> 00:22:36.266 PRAYER GROUP OF FRIENDS. 00:22:36.366 --> 00:22:38.400 I HAD A TEXT THREAD. 00:22:38.500 --> 00:22:39.733 I WAS GONNA ASK YOU ABOUT THAT. 00:22:39.833 --> 00:22:40.633 BECAUSE PRAYER WAS IMPERATIVE 00:22:40.733 --> 00:22:42.400 IN YOUR SITUATION, RIGHT? 00:22:42.500 --> 00:22:44.466 UNBELIEVABLE. 00:22:44.566 --> 00:22:47.400 THERE'S SOMETIMES WHEN - I THINK I SKIPPED 00:22:47.500 --> 00:22:49.399 A COUPLE THINGS 00:22:49.499 --> 00:22:51.799 BECAUSE IN OCTOBER, THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER, 00:22:51.899 --> 00:22:53.266 I HAD BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL TWO WEEKS, 00:22:53.366 --> 00:22:54.666 THEY SENT ME HOME. 00:22:54.766 --> 00:22:56.332 I WAS HOME TWO DAYS. 00:22:56.432 --> 00:22:57.633 I WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH 00:22:57.733 --> 00:23:00.199 AND I STARTED HAVING STROKE SYMPTOMS. 00:23:00.299 --> 00:23:01.366 OH, MY GOSH. 00:23:01.466 --> 00:23:04.499 I KNOW, IT'S LIKE THE STORY THAT NEVER ENDS. 00:23:04.599 --> 00:23:05.733 SO I WAS HOME TWO DAYS. 00:23:05.833 --> 00:23:07.300 I STARTED HAVING STROKE SYMPTOMS. 00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:08.432 WHAT WERE THEY? 00:23:08.532 --> 00:23:11.766 THE ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE OF MY FACE FELL. 00:23:11.866 --> 00:23:13.266 OH, MY GOD, I'D BE FREAKED OUT. 00:23:13.366 --> 00:23:14.933 I WAS FREAKING OUT. 00:23:15.033 --> 00:23:16.466 AND I WAS STILL ON BEDREST, MIND YOU, 00:23:16.566 --> 00:23:17.533 SO I HAD BEEN ON BEDREST. 00:23:17.633 --> 00:23:18.366 THAT'S SO SCARY. 00:23:18.466 --> 00:23:19.266 YEAH. 00:23:19.366 --> 00:23:20.899 AND EVERYTHING STARTED TO THEN YET, 00:23:20.999 --> 00:23:24.866 GET SUPER SMALL AND BLURRY, COULDN'T SEE. 00:23:24.966 --> 00:23:28.566 I STOOD UP AND I SCREAMED FOR MY PARENTS. 00:23:28.666 --> 00:23:29.666 THEY CAME RUNNING IN. 00:23:29.766 --> 00:23:31.366 DURING THE DAY I STAYED AT MY PARENTS HOUSE 00:23:31.466 --> 00:23:32.999 WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS WORKING. 00:23:33.099 --> 00:23:35.833 SO I SCREAMED, I SAID, I THINK I'M HAVING A STROKE. 00:23:35.933 --> 00:23:38.566 MY MOM'S LIKE, THE WHOLE SIDE OF YOUR FACE IS DOWN. 00:23:38.666 --> 00:23:40.199 I'M RUSHING YOU TO THE ER. 00:23:40.299 --> 00:23:42.933 SO THEY RUSHED ME IN. 00:23:43.033 --> 00:23:45.866 I HAD VERY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. 00:23:45.966 --> 00:23:46.866 I'VE HAD PREECLAMPSIA 00:23:46.966 --> 00:23:48.932 WITH A PREVIOUS PREGNANCY, 00:23:49.032 --> 00:23:51.000 SO THEY WERE A BIT WORRIED ABOUT THAT. 00:23:51.100 --> 00:23:53.300 WE DID AN EKG. 00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:57.100 THE EKG SHOWED SIGNS OF A STROKE AS WELL. 00:23:57.200 --> 00:24:01.033 SO I HAD MY MOM TEXT MY PRAYER GROUP OF GIRLFRIENDS. 00:24:01.133 --> 00:24:02.366 SO WHEN YOU HAVE THESE SYMPTOMS 00:24:02.466 --> 00:24:03.500 AND YOU'RE AT THE ER, 00:24:03.600 --> 00:24:05.033 THEY RUSH YOU INTO AN MRI. 00:24:05.133 --> 00:24:08.099 SO I GOT SUCH FAST SERVICE BEING PREGNANT 00:24:08.199 --> 00:24:10.132 AND ALL THESE ISSUES I'VE BEEN HAVING. 00:24:10.232 --> 00:24:11.932 THEY RUSHED ME INTO AN MRI, 00:24:12.032 --> 00:24:13.233 AND MY MOM JUST ASKED MY FRIENDS, 00:24:13.333 --> 00:24:14.699 LIKE, PLEASE PRAY NOW. 00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:16.966 SHE'S IN THE MRI. 00:24:17.066 --> 00:24:19.199 AND WHEN I CAME OUT, THEY REDID AN EKG 00:24:19.299 --> 00:24:20.799 AND EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT. 00:24:20.899 --> 00:24:22.399 WHAT? 00:24:22.499 --> 00:24:23.666 DID YOUR FACE GO BACK? 00:24:23.766 --> 00:24:26.000 I MEAN OBVIOUSLY, LOOKING AT YOU NOW, 00:24:26.100 --> 00:24:28.166 BUT DID IT GO BACK IN THAT MOMENT? 00:24:28.266 --> 00:24:31.000 IT WENT BACK AFTER THE MRI, I CAME OUT, 00:24:31.100 --> 00:24:32.866 AND I SAID, I THINK I CAN LIFT MY FACE UP AGAIN. 00:24:32.966 --> 00:24:34.699 OH, MY GOSH. 00:24:34.799 --> 00:24:36.533 AND MY MOM WAS LIKE, YOU LOOK NORMAL. 00:24:36.633 --> 00:24:38.432 AND SO THAT WAS ANOTHER REALLY SCARY POINT 00:24:38.532 --> 00:24:40.466 OF THIS PREGNANCY. 00:24:40.566 --> 00:24:43.333 BUT MY FRIENDS AND MY MOM'S FRIENDS, 00:24:43.433 --> 00:24:45.300 MY FAMILY, EVERYONE, 00:24:45.400 --> 00:24:47.866 DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYER. 00:24:47.966 --> 00:24:49.266 AND I FEEL LIKE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SUCH 00:24:49.366 --> 00:24:50.832 A CHEESY SAYING, 00:24:50.932 --> 00:24:52.533 BUT IT GIVES LIFE. 00:24:52.633 --> 00:24:55.366 YOU KNOW, IT IS THE ONLY THING. 00:24:55.466 --> 00:24:56.700 I ACTUALLY TEXTED MY FRIENDS TODAY 00:24:56.800 --> 00:24:57.366 ON MY PRAYER GROUP, 00:24:57.466 --> 00:24:58.499 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN 00:24:58.599 --> 00:25:00.066 BECAUSE I'M ALMOST A YEAR LATER, 00:25:00.166 --> 00:25:02.100 I WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR PRAYERS. 00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:02.966 WOW. 00:25:03.066 --> 00:25:04.633 THEY PRAY FOR ME EVERY DAY. 00:25:04.733 --> 00:25:05.899 MY FRIENDS GOT TOGETHER 00:25:05.999 --> 00:25:07.332 IN MY OTHER FRIEND'S HOUSE, 00:25:07.432 --> 00:25:08.933 ALL TOGETHER AND THEY LAID HANDS ON EACH OTHER 00:25:09.033 --> 00:25:10.800 TO PRAY FOR ME. 00:25:10.900 --> 00:25:12.299 WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL, 00:25:12.399 --> 00:25:14.499 FRIENDS CAME TO THE HOSPITAL AND PRAYED OVER ME. 00:25:14.599 --> 00:25:16.966 IT'S JUST LIKE I KNOW THE OUTCOME 00:25:17.066 --> 00:25:18.333 WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT 00:25:18.433 --> 00:25:19.799 IF IT WASN'T FOR PRAYER, 00:25:19.899 --> 00:25:21.199 100 PERCENT. 00:25:21.299 --> 00:25:22.466 100 PERCENT. 00:25:22.566 --> 00:25:24.966 AND SO AFTER THAT, YOU WERE ABLE TO GO 00:25:25.066 --> 00:25:26.700 ALMOST FOUR MORE WEEKS 00:25:26.800 --> 00:25:28.699 BECAUSE YOU ALMOST HIT 21? 00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:33.066 SO I WAS, SO NOVEMBER 8TH WHEN I WENT INTO LABOR, 00:25:33.166 --> 00:25:34.332 THAT WEDNESDAY, 00:25:34.432 --> 00:25:36.133 THEY PUT ME ON A MAG DRIP, 00:25:36.233 --> 00:25:37.633 MAGNESIUM DRIP, 00:25:37.733 --> 00:25:40.099 WHICH, TO BE HONEST, CAN BE REALLY MISERABLE. 00:25:40.199 --> 00:25:42.299 IT'S A REALLY HIGH LEVEL OF MAGNESIUM, 00:25:42.399 --> 00:25:44.999 SO IT MAKES YOU EXTREMELY GROGGY 00:25:45.099 --> 00:25:47.032 AND KIND OF MISERABLE. 00:25:47.132 --> 00:25:49.599 MY DOCTOR SUGGESTED I STAY ON IT 00:25:49.699 --> 00:25:51.633 AS LONG AS I CAN, THREE TO FOUR WEEKS IF I COULD. 00:25:51.733 --> 00:25:52.766 I SAID, I DON'T CARE. 00:25:52.866 --> 00:25:54.233 I'M SITTING IN A HOSPITAL ROOM ANYWAYS, 00:25:54.333 --> 00:25:55.666 LET'S TRY IT. 00:25:55.766 --> 00:25:56.966 WE STARTED THAT. 00:25:57.066 --> 00:25:59.833 THAT HELPED ME GET THROUGH THE NEXT 24 HOURS. 00:25:59.933 --> 00:26:02.566 WHILE I WAS STILL ON A MAG DRIP, 00:26:02.666 --> 00:26:05.033 THE NEXT MORNING, NOVEMBER 9TH, 00:26:05.133 --> 00:26:07.666 I HAD SEVERE, SEVERE PAIN. 00:26:07.732 --> 00:26:09.433 MY HUSBAND HAPPENED TO GO HOME. 00:26:09.533 --> 00:26:10.233 HE SPENT THE NIGHT, 00:26:10.333 --> 00:26:10.966 BUT HE HAD HAPPENED TO GO HOME 00:26:11.066 --> 00:26:12.566 AT LIKE 6 A.M. THAT MORNING. 00:26:12.666 --> 00:26:14.033 TOOK A SHOWER, GET FRESHENED UP, 00:26:14.133 --> 00:26:15.066 SAY HI TO THE KIDS, 00:26:15.166 --> 00:26:16.833 AND HE CAME BACK. 00:26:16.933 --> 00:26:19.599 AND SO AT 8 A.M., HE WAS BACK. 00:26:19.699 --> 00:26:21.499 HE HAD SOME CALLS. 00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:24.799 SO I WAS JUST SITTING IN THE HOSPITAL BED. 00:26:24.899 --> 00:26:30.132 ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HAD EXTREME HEMORRHAGING 00:26:30.232 --> 00:26:32.999 ALL AT ONCE. 00:26:33.099 --> 00:26:34.299 I HAD PUSHED MY CALL BUTTON 00:26:34.399 --> 00:26:36.032 FOR MY NURSE TO COME. 00:26:36.132 --> 00:26:37.266 NO ONE CAME. 00:26:37.366 --> 00:26:38.266 WHAT? 00:26:38.366 --> 00:26:39.999 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED. 00:26:40.099 --> 00:26:41.266 BECAUSE THEY WERE BUSY. 00:26:41.366 --> 00:26:43.632 IT'S NOT THAT THEY REFUSED TO COME, 00:26:43.732 --> 00:26:45.399 BUT THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME 00:26:45.499 --> 00:26:46.966 WHEN I KNEW IN MY HEART, 00:26:47.066 --> 00:26:49.966 THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. 00:26:50.066 --> 00:26:51.100 I STARTED TO GET SO DIZZY 00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:55.366 I COULDN'T THINK STRAIGHT. 00:26:55.466 --> 00:26:57.199 SO I TEXT MY HUSBAND, 00:26:57.299 --> 00:26:58.433 I REALLY NEED HELP ASAP. 00:26:58.533 --> 00:26:59.532 PLEASE COME IN. 00:26:59.632 --> 00:27:02.099 HE CAME IN. 00:27:02.199 --> 00:27:04.033 I WAS HEMORRHAGING SO MUCH 00:27:04.133 --> 00:27:07.999 THAT THE ROOM WAS - 00:27:08.099 --> 00:27:09.633 YOU COULD SEE HOW MUCH I WAS HEMORRHAGING. 00:27:09.733 --> 00:27:11.800 THERE WAS A REALLY BIG ISSUE. 00:27:11.900 --> 00:27:13.433 SO HE RAN TO GO FIND A NURSE. 00:27:13.533 --> 00:27:14.600 COULDN'T FIND ANYBODY. 00:27:14.700 --> 00:27:16.633 RAN TO LABOR AND DELIVERY. 00:27:16.733 --> 00:27:19.833 HE FOUND THE HEAD NURSE AT LABOR AND DELIVERY, 00:27:19.933 --> 00:27:20.599 HE SAID, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, 00:27:20.699 --> 00:27:22.066 MY WIFE'S IN ANTEPARTUM, 00:27:22.166 --> 00:27:23.933 SHE NEEDS HELP. 00:27:24.033 --> 00:27:25.766 HE'S LIKE, SHE'S HEMORRHAGING. 00:27:25.866 --> 00:27:27.366 AND SO SHE CAME OVER, 00:27:27.466 --> 00:27:29.999 SHE PUSHED, IT'S LIKE A CODE RED BUTTON, 00:27:30.099 --> 00:27:31.100 IF YOU'RE HEMORRHAGING TOO MUCH 00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:32.732 AND YOUR LIFE IS AT RISK. 00:27:32.832 --> 00:27:34.166 SO CODE RED. 00:27:34.266 --> 00:27:38.433 AND THE MASS TRANSFUSION TEAM COMES UP. 00:27:38.533 --> 00:27:43.200 AT THAT POINT I HAD PRECAUTIONARY FOUR LINES IN, 00:27:43.300 --> 00:27:44.466 IN CASE THIS EVER HAPPENS 00:27:44.566 --> 00:27:48.633 THEY WOULD HAVE FOUR LINES TO DELIVER BLOOD. 00:27:48.733 --> 00:27:53.033 AND SO THEY STARTED MASS TRANSFUSING ME BY HAND. 00:27:53.133 --> 00:27:54.833 ALL THE NURSES CAME IN. 00:27:54.933 --> 00:27:56.399 I HAD THE MOST INCREDIBLE NURSE TEAM. 00:27:56.499 --> 00:28:00.066 I WILL SAY ALSO, MY NURSES PRAYED OVER ME EVERY DAY. 00:28:00.166 --> 00:28:01.466 AND THAT WAS SUCH A BLESSING. 00:28:01.566 --> 00:28:02.833 LIKE, IF YOU'RE A NURSE AND YOU'RE OUT THERE 00:28:02.933 --> 00:28:04.333 AND YOU PRAY OVER YOUR PATIENTS, 00:28:04.433 --> 00:28:07.366 THERE'S NOTHING BETTER. 00:28:07.466 --> 00:28:08.933 THERE'S NOTHING BETTER. 00:28:09.033 --> 00:28:11.200 I WAS SO GRATEFUL FOR THEM. 00:28:11.300 --> 00:28:13.766 I STILL TALK TO A LOT OF THEM TODAY. 00:28:13.866 --> 00:28:15.400 SO THE MASS TRANSFUSION TEAM CAME IN 00:28:15.500 --> 00:28:17.699 AND THEY WERE HAND-PUMPING BLOOD IN ME. 00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:21.166 USUALLY IT GOES THROUGH A WARMER 00:28:21.266 --> 00:28:23.299 AND I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN, 00:28:23.399 --> 00:28:26.100 I WAS SO LIGHT-HEADED AND DIZZY, 00:28:26.200 --> 00:28:28.933 AND THE THING I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE OF THE MOST 00:28:29.033 --> 00:28:30.732 OUT OF ALL OF THIS, WAS THE COLD, 00:28:30.832 --> 00:28:33.633 FROM THE BLOOD NOT BEING WARMED UP. 00:28:33.733 --> 00:28:35.099 THEY COULDN'T WAIT TO DO THAT? 00:28:35.199 --> 00:28:36.499 THERE WAS NO TIME. 00:28:36.599 --> 00:28:37.666 SO THEY WERE PUMPING FOUR UNITS OF BLOOD 00:28:37.766 --> 00:28:39.632 IN ME AT A TIME. 00:28:39.732 --> 00:28:41.466 AND - 00:28:41.566 --> 00:28:42.999 SO YOU FELT SUPER COLD. 00:28:43.099 --> 00:28:44.399 YOU FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU OUT. 00:28:44.499 --> 00:28:45.599 YES. 00:28:45.699 --> 00:28:46.866 YEAH. 00:28:46.966 --> 00:28:48.099 AND I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW, 00:28:48.199 --> 00:28:49.666 IT'S ANOTHER MOMENT OF LIKE 00:28:49.766 --> 00:28:52.300 LOOKING BACK, REALIZATION, 00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:53.933 THAT WHEN CHRIST WAS ON THE CROSS 00:28:54.033 --> 00:28:57.032 AND HE LOST ALL THAT BLOOD AS WELL. 00:28:57.132 --> 00:28:59.599 WAY DIFFERENT LEVEL, BUT HE MUST HAVE FELT 00:28:59.699 --> 00:29:02.032 SO COLD, YOU KNOW. 00:29:02.132 --> 00:29:03.666 AND THAT'S JUST A FEELING THAT 00:29:03.766 --> 00:29:07.433 IT'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT FROM BEING IN THE SNOW, 00:29:07.533 --> 00:29:08.700 BEING IN THE AC. 00:29:08.800 --> 00:29:11.200 IT'S LIKE A COLD OF DEATH. 00:29:11.300 --> 00:29:13.600 AND IT'S A REALLY, IT'S A REALLY - 00:29:13.700 --> 00:29:15.300 A MOMENT THAT STOOD OUT TO ME 00:29:15.400 --> 00:29:19.066 AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT FEELING, 00:29:19.166 --> 00:29:20.366 JUST GOING THROUGH THAT, 00:29:20.466 --> 00:29:23.833 THE PAIN, THE DIZZINESS, LIGHT-HEADEDNESS, 00:29:23.933 --> 00:29:27.066 IT WAS ON ANOTHER LEVEL. 00:29:27.166 --> 00:29:31.066 AND I REMEMBER I COULD BARELY PUT WORDS TOGETHER 00:29:31.166 --> 00:29:33.333 BECAUSE I WAS JUST ON MY WAY DOWN. 00:29:33.433 --> 00:29:34.500 AND I TOLD MY HUSBAND, 00:29:34.600 --> 00:29:39.733 I WAS LIKE, I DON'T THINK SHE'S GONNA MAKE IT. 00:29:39.833 --> 00:29:42.433 SO THEY CONTINUED PUMPING BLOOD IN. 00:29:42.533 --> 00:29:47.200 AND THEY CALLED MY DOCTOR, MY DOCTOR RUSHED OVER. 00:29:47.300 --> 00:29:48.800 AND ONE THING - 00:29:48.900 --> 00:29:49.999 I FORGOT ONE STORY. 00:29:50.099 --> 00:29:52.133 THIS IS LIKE MY FAVORITE ANSWER TO PRAYER 00:29:52.233 --> 00:29:53.366 TO THIS WHOLE THING, 00:29:53.466 --> 00:29:54.832 I DON'T KNOW HOW I FORGOT IT. 00:29:54.932 --> 00:29:56.433 OKAY. 00:29:56.533 --> 00:30:00.666 SO NOVEMBER 8TH WHEN I STARTED GOING INTO LABOR, 00:30:00.766 --> 00:30:02.233 THEY PUT ME ON THE MAG DRIP. 00:30:02.333 --> 00:30:05.766 THEY DID THE ULTRASOUND THAT AFTERNOON. 00:30:05.866 --> 00:30:09.633 AND MILA'S HEARTBEAT WAS EXACTLY 144 BEATS PER MINUTE 00:30:09.733 --> 00:30:11.133 THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY. 00:30:11.233 --> 00:30:13.266 WASN'T 145, 143. 00:30:13.366 --> 00:30:16.732 IT'S 144 EXACTLY, EVERY ULTRASOUND. 00:30:16.832 --> 00:30:20.299 AND THEY GENUINELY COULDN'T BELIEVE 00:30:20.399 --> 00:30:23.932 THAT SHE WAS STILL PERFECT, YOU KNOW. 00:30:24.032 --> 00:30:26.033 I HAD ASKED MY NURSE THAT MORNING 00:30:26.133 --> 00:30:28.999 THAT I STARTED GOING INTO LABOR, 00:30:29.099 --> 00:30:31.366 WHAT HEARTBEAT OF A BABY 00:30:31.466 --> 00:30:33.766 DO YOU SEE IN UTERO, 00:30:33.866 --> 00:30:35.499 WHEN DOES IT HIT A CERTAIN LEVEL 00:30:35.599 --> 00:30:36.600 AND WHAT IS THAT LEVEL 00:30:36.700 --> 00:30:39.066 THAT THE BABY CANNOT RECOVER FROM? 00:30:39.166 --> 00:30:40.066 IF YOU SEE THAT HEARTBEAT LEVEL, 00:30:40.166 --> 00:30:41.399 WHAT IS THAT NUMBER? 00:30:41.499 --> 00:30:43.000 SHE SAID 70. 00:30:43.100 --> 00:30:47.100 WHEN A BABY HITS 70 IN THE WOMB TYPICALLY 00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:47.966 NEVER COMES - 00:30:48.066 --> 00:30:50.733 CAN'T RECOVER FROM THAT. 00:30:50.833 --> 00:30:54.599 AND SO THIS WAS THE FIRST DAY 00:30:54.699 --> 00:31:00.566 IN MY ENTIRE PREGNANCY I PRAYED AND ASKED GOD LIKE, 00:31:00.666 --> 00:31:06.433 THIS WAS THE FIRST DAY I REALLY KIND OF DECIDED 00:31:06.533 --> 00:31:09.400 IN MY HEART, MAYBE THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK. 00:31:09.500 --> 00:31:12.933 AND MY WHOLE PRAYER THE ENTIRE TIME WAS, 00:31:13.033 --> 00:31:14.932 LORD, IF THIS BABY'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE 00:31:15.032 --> 00:31:15.933 WITH ME ON EARTH, 00:31:16.033 --> 00:31:17.633 LIKE THAT'S YOUR DECISION. 00:31:17.733 --> 00:31:18.799 THAT'S NOT MY DECISION. 00:31:18.899 --> 00:31:20.200 I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THAT DECISION. 00:31:20.300 --> 00:31:25.133 YOU KNOW, PLEASE LET THAT BE YOUR ACT, NOT MINE. 00:31:25.233 --> 00:31:26.933 AND THAT AFTERNOON, 00:31:27.033 --> 00:31:28.666 AFTER I ASKED THE NURSE AND SHE SAID, 00:31:28.766 --> 00:31:30.332 WHEN IT HITS 70 BEATS PER MINUTE, 00:31:30.432 --> 00:31:32.633 THAT'S WHEN THE BABY DOESN'T COME BACK. 00:31:32.733 --> 00:31:36.900 I REALLY, IN MY HEART, HAD A FEELING 00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:39.166 FOR THE FIRST TIME, 00:31:39.266 --> 00:31:41.232 I DON'T THINK MILA'S GONNA MAKE IT. 00:31:41.332 --> 00:31:44.866 THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME, AFTER ALMOST SIX MONTHS, 00:31:44.966 --> 00:31:47.166 YOU KNOW, FIVE MONTHS OF PREGNANCY. 00:31:47.266 --> 00:31:48.666 AND I JUST REMEMBER PRAYING, 00:31:48.766 --> 00:31:54.833 LORD, I ASK IF THIS IS YOUR DECISION TO TAKE MILA, 00:31:54.933 --> 00:31:58.133 PLEASE MAKE HER HEARTBEAT 70 BEATS PER MINUTE. 00:31:58.233 --> 00:32:00.599 THAT WAS MY PRAYER. 00:32:00.699 --> 00:32:03.966 THAT WAY - IT'S LIKE I'M BARGAINING WITH GOD. 00:32:04.066 --> 00:32:05.133 I'M NOT BARGAINING WITH HIM, 00:32:05.233 --> 00:32:08.432 BUT I'M JUST ASKING HIM TO SHOW ME 00:32:08.532 --> 00:32:11.433 THAT IT'S HIS JOB AND NOT MINE. 00:32:11.533 --> 00:32:13.799 AND SO I SAID, LORD, IF IT'S 70 BEATS PER MINUTE, 00:32:13.899 --> 00:32:16.932 I WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE TAKING HER 00:32:17.032 --> 00:32:23.299 AND THAT MY WORK HERE IS DONE WITH THIS PREGNANCY. 00:32:23.399 --> 00:32:25.066 AND THE NEXT MORNING, 00:32:25.166 --> 00:32:27.799 WHEN I WENT INTO SEVERE LABOR, 00:32:27.899 --> 00:32:30.399 AND MY DOCTOR RUSHED IN, 00:32:30.499 --> 00:32:33.233 AND I COULDN'T TELL YOU WHAT I SIGNED 00:32:33.333 --> 00:32:37.100 BECAUSE I WAS NOT MENTALLY CAPABLE 00:32:37.200 --> 00:32:40.333 OF UNDERSTANDING MUCH, TO BE HONEST. 00:32:40.433 --> 00:32:42.966 I SIGNED A FORM THAT SAID I COULD HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY 00:32:43.066 --> 00:32:45.533 IF I NEEDED IT TO SAVE MY LIFE. 00:32:45.633 --> 00:32:46.766 I SIGNED A FORM SAYING 00:32:46.866 --> 00:32:49.533 I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT OUT OF SURGERY. 00:32:49.633 --> 00:32:50.566 OH, MY GOSH. 00:32:50.666 --> 00:32:54.599 AT THAT MOMENT, MY DOCTOR RUSHED IN, 00:32:54.699 --> 00:32:56.766 ANESTHESIOLOGIST, I PROBABLY HAD 20 PEOPLE 00:32:56.866 --> 00:32:58.233 IN THE ROOM. 00:32:58.333 --> 00:33:00.266 AND THEY DID ONE FINAL ULTRASOUND 00:33:00.366 --> 00:33:04.700 BEFORE THEY TAKE YOU INTO THE O.R. TO CONFIRM, 00:33:04.800 --> 00:33:06.899 YOU KNOW, THAT THE BABY IS MAYBE NOT DOING WELL, 00:33:06.999 --> 00:33:08.200 OR MAYBE THE BABY IS DOING WELL. 00:33:08.300 --> 00:33:10.366 BECAUSE MY DOCTOR WAS REALLY WORRIED 00:33:10.466 --> 00:33:11.466 ABOUT DELIVERING MILA 00:33:11.566 --> 00:33:13.566 IF SHE WAS STILL PERFECTLY FINE. 00:33:13.666 --> 00:33:15.933 SO THAT MORNING, SHE PUT THE ULTRASOUND MACHINE ON, 00:33:16.033 --> 00:33:17.333 THEY GOT A HEARTBEAT. 00:33:17.433 --> 00:33:20.133 MILA'S HEARTBEAT WAS EXACTLY 70 HEARTBEATS PER MINUTE. 00:33:20.233 --> 00:33:21.766 WOW. 00:33:21.866 --> 00:33:23.699 AND IT WASN'T 69, IT WASN'T 71. 00:33:23.799 --> 00:33:26.099 IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED GOD, 00:33:26.199 --> 00:33:29.499 YOU KNOW, IF THIS IS YOUR WILL AND NOT MINE, 00:33:29.599 --> 00:33:31.999 LET ME KNOW, AND HE DID. 00:33:32.099 --> 00:33:35.099 AND AT THAT MOMENT, I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN, 00:33:35.199 --> 00:33:36.966 I JUST REMEMBER LIKE FEELING THIS PEACE 00:33:37.066 --> 00:33:38.500 COME OVER ME. 00:33:38.600 --> 00:33:40.666 AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS REALLY SILLY, 00:33:40.766 --> 00:33:42.600 BUT IT DID FEEL WARM. 00:33:42.700 --> 00:33:45.432 AND I WAS HAVING ALL THIS COLD BLOOD PUMPED INTO ME 00:33:45.532 --> 00:33:47.133 AND I FELT THIS WARMTH OF LIKE 00:33:47.233 --> 00:33:49.266 PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING 00:33:49.366 --> 00:33:52.633 AND JUST CONFIRMATION 00:33:52.733 --> 00:33:54.899 THAT I'M DOING THIS. 00:33:54.999 --> 00:33:58.800 YOU CHOSE AS FAR AS YOU COULD TO GIVE HER LIFE, 00:33:58.900 --> 00:34:00.966 AND I'M GONNA TAKE HER HOME. 00:34:01.066 --> 00:34:03.699 AND IN THAT MOMENT, I REALLY DID HAVE 00:34:03.799 --> 00:34:05.733 A SIGH OF RELIEF, IF YOU WILL. 00:34:05.833 --> 00:34:08.866 I KIND OF FELT, 00:34:08.966 --> 00:34:11.166 I THINK I'M GONNA LIVE. 00:34:11.266 --> 00:34:12.266 YOU KNOW, IT WAS STILL A BIG QUESTION MARK. 00:34:12.366 --> 00:34:14.333 I THINK I'M GONNA LIVE. 00:34:14.433 --> 00:34:15.599 AND THEY RUSHED ME INTO THE O.R. 00:34:15.699 --> 00:34:17.766 I DIDN'T GET TO SAY BYE TO ANYBODY. 00:34:17.866 --> 00:34:21.200 I STILL HAD LIKE MY REGULAR CLOTHES ON. 00:34:21.300 --> 00:34:23.499 THEY JUST CUT THROUGH IT ALL. 00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:28.833 AND IN THE O.R., I REMEMBER I WAS FIGHTING THEM. 00:34:28.933 --> 00:34:30.133 THEY'RE TRYING TO PUT - 00:34:30.233 --> 00:34:32.000 THEY WERE TRYING TO INTUBATE ME 00:34:32.100 --> 00:34:33.566 AND I WAS JUST FIGHTING SO HARD 00:34:33.666 --> 00:34:34.966 BECAUSE I WAS SO UPSET. 00:34:35.066 --> 00:34:38.899 I WAS ONLY SEVEN DAYS AWAY FROM HER MAKING IT. 00:34:38.999 --> 00:34:40.700 BUT AS SOON AS I KIND OF LET THEM START 00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:42.499 TO LIKE INTUBATE ME 00:34:42.599 --> 00:34:44.666 AND GIVE ME ANESTHESIA, 00:34:44.766 --> 00:34:47.733 I HAD THIS WEIRD PEACE THAT I TRULY 00:34:47.833 --> 00:34:51.033 CANNOT PUT INTO WORDS. 00:34:51.133 --> 00:34:54.733 I FELT, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW, 00:34:54.833 --> 00:34:57.800 THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE I COULD HAVE DIED. 00:34:57.900 --> 00:34:59.333 BUT I FEEL SO AT PEACE IN MY SOUL 00:34:59.433 --> 00:35:01.832 THAT I'M GONNA SEE THE LORD. 00:35:01.932 --> 00:35:02.899 AND IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS 00:35:02.999 --> 00:35:04.966 YOU KIND OF HOPE FOR HERE ON EARTH, 00:35:05.066 --> 00:35:06.433 LIKE, WHEN I DIE, I THINK I'M GONNA GO 00:35:06.533 --> 00:35:07.600 TO HEAVEN, YOU KNOW. 00:35:07.700 --> 00:35:10.600 AND AS BELIEVERS WE HAVE THAT CONFIDENCE THAT WE DO, 00:35:10.700 --> 00:35:15.166 BUT EVEN AS BELIEVERS, WE'RE HUMAN. 00:35:15.266 --> 00:35:17.200 AND THERE'S ALWAYS MAYBE SOMEWHAT SORT OF LIKE, 00:35:17.300 --> 00:35:18.532 DID I DO ENOUGH? 00:35:18.632 --> 00:35:20.699 DID I PRAY ENOUGH? 00:35:20.799 --> 00:35:24.066 AND THAT MOMENT, I WAS SO BLESSED THAT THE LORD 00:35:24.166 --> 00:35:26.633 KIND OF GAVE ME THAT PEACE OF 00:35:26.733 --> 00:35:28.166 IF YOU DIE RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA SEE YOU. 00:35:28.266 --> 00:35:30.332 THE ASSURANCE OF YOUR SALVATION. 00:35:30.432 --> 00:35:31.399 YEAH. 00:35:31.499 --> 00:35:33.666 BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE THOSE MOMENTS OF DOUBT, 00:35:33.766 --> 00:35:36.400 BUT THE TRUTH IS IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT HE DID 00:35:36.500 --> 00:35:37.566 THAT WE'RE ASSURED. 00:35:37.666 --> 00:35:38.732 AND HE GAVE YOU PEACE 00:35:38.832 --> 00:35:40.633 THAT WHATEVER'S GONNA HAPPEN WITH YOU, 00:35:40.733 --> 00:35:41.699 LIKE, I'VE GOT YOU. 00:35:41.799 --> 00:35:43.000 YEAH. 00:35:43.100 --> 00:35:45.300 AND SO THEY TAKE YOU INTO SURGERY? 00:35:45.400 --> 00:35:45.766 MM-HMM. 00:35:45.866 --> 00:35:47.233 SO DID THEY - 00:35:47.333 --> 00:35:49.132 SO YOU WERE IN LABOR. 00:35:49.232 --> 00:35:52.332 WHAT HAPPENED, DID YOU DELIVER THE BABY 00:35:52.432 --> 00:35:53.899 OR DID THEY C-SECTION THE BABY? 00:35:53.999 --> 00:35:54.866 YEAH. 00:35:54.966 --> 00:35:57.866 SO I HAD AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION. 00:35:57.966 --> 00:36:02.000 THEY HAD TO CUT FOR A HYSTERECTOMY, 00:36:02.100 --> 00:36:04.033 SO I HAD A BIT MORE RECOVERY 00:36:04.133 --> 00:36:06.066 THAN I WOULD HAVE LIKED. 00:36:06.166 --> 00:36:11.599 BUT IN SURGERY, MY DOCTOR SAID SHE HAD NEVER SEEN 00:36:11.699 --> 00:36:13.066 A PLACENTA LIKE THIS IN HER LIFE. 00:36:13.166 --> 00:36:15.300 IT WAS COMPLETELY DISINTEGRATED. 00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:17.332 SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW MILA HAD MADE IT 00:36:17.432 --> 00:36:18.966 THE LAST WEEK OR MONTH OR ANYTHING. 00:36:19.066 --> 00:36:22.032 COMPLETELY DISINTEGRATED. 00:36:22.132 --> 00:36:23.333 FOR ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE, 00:36:23.433 --> 00:36:24.699 THEY'LL PROBABLY UNDERSTAND 00:36:24.799 --> 00:36:25.566 WHEN SHE OPENED ME UP, 00:36:25.666 --> 00:36:27.632 IT LITERALLY LIKE FELL OUT, 00:36:27.732 --> 00:36:29.099 IS WHAT SHE SAID. 00:36:29.199 --> 00:36:31.532 THERE'S NO EXPLANATION FOR WHY MY BABY MADE IT 00:36:31.632 --> 00:36:32.699 AS FAR AS SHE DID. 00:36:32.799 --> 00:36:33.333 REALLY? 00:36:33.433 --> 00:36:36.000 YES. 00:36:36.100 --> 00:36:38.766 AND MY - MILA WAS PERFECT. 00:36:38.866 --> 00:36:43.266 I WENT SEPTIC, SO I HAD TO BE TREATED FOR SEPSIS. 00:36:43.366 --> 00:36:46.232 AND I THINK ANOTHER BLESSING IS THAT 00:36:46.332 --> 00:36:48.300 THE AMNIOTIC FLUID 00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:50.999 AND THE SAC THAT MILA HAD AROUND HER, 00:36:51.099 --> 00:36:53.333 THE SEPSIS HADN'T EVEN LIKE TOUCHED HER. 00:36:53.433 --> 00:36:55.366 SO SHE WAS NEVER IN PAIN. 00:36:55.466 --> 00:36:57.066 WHICH IS KIND OF A MIRACLE IN ITSELF. 00:36:57.166 --> 00:36:58.100 NO, THAT'S A MIRACLE. 00:36:58.200 --> 00:36:59.366 SHE NEVER FELT PAIN. 00:36:59.466 --> 00:37:01.166 SHE ONLY FELT LOVE. 00:37:01.266 --> 00:37:04.032 SHE ONLY FELT LIFE. 00:37:04.132 --> 00:37:07.099 AS I SAID, I'M REALLY CLOSE WITH THE NURSES. 00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:09.299 SO I HAD ASKED THE NURSE WHO HELD HER 00:37:09.399 --> 00:37:10.400 HER ENTIRE LIFE - 00:37:10.500 --> 00:37:12.266 SHE WAS BORN ALIVE. 00:37:12.366 --> 00:37:14.066 SO SHE WAS BORN ALIVE. 00:37:14.166 --> 00:37:16.332 SHE WAS BORN EXACTLY AT 21 WEEKS 00:37:16.432 --> 00:37:19.699 TO LIVE EXACTLY 21 MINUTES. 00:37:19.799 --> 00:37:22.066 AND HER DUE DATE WAS MARCH 21ST. 00:37:22.166 --> 00:37:23.133 WOW. 00:37:23.233 --> 00:37:26.200 AND SO I BELIEVE THE LORD USES NUMBERS. 00:37:26.300 --> 00:37:27.133 I DO, TOO. 00:37:27.233 --> 00:37:30.999 YOU KNOW, FOR, HE HAS SO MANY REASONS, 00:37:31.099 --> 00:37:33.832 BUT THE NUMBER 21 IN THE HEBREW ALPHABET IS SHIN, 00:37:33.932 --> 00:37:36.566 IS THE SHIN. 00:37:36.666 --> 00:37:38.332 AND ANOTHER NAME FOR GOD IS ALMIGHTY, 00:37:38.432 --> 00:37:39.899 AND DIVINE POWER. 00:37:39.999 --> 00:37:42.999 AND SO I WOULD SAY, I THINK THE LORD BLESSED ME 00:37:43.099 --> 00:37:46.166 WITH THAT AS WELL, 00:37:46.266 --> 00:37:48.166 THAT THERE WERE THREE INSTANCES WHERE 21 00:37:48.266 --> 00:37:49.499 WAS ON HER LIFE. 00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:50.466 AND THE PRODUCER JUST SHOWED ME, 00:37:50.566 --> 00:37:52.000 TODAY IS THE 21ST. 00:37:52.100 --> 00:37:53.766 STOP IT. 00:37:53.866 --> 00:37:56.766 THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE. 00:37:56.866 --> 00:37:57.866 ONLY GOD. 00:37:57.966 --> 00:37:59.866 I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT, HOW WILD. 00:37:59.966 --> 00:38:00.666 THAT'S THE THING, HE CARES ABOUT 00:38:00.766 --> 00:38:01.866 EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. 00:38:01.966 --> 00:38:03.333 OH, MY GOODNESS. 00:38:03.433 --> 00:38:04.833 EVEN A YEAR LATER HE'S GIVING ME - 00:38:04.933 --> 00:38:06.500 HE'S BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU. 00:38:06.600 --> 00:38:07.499 BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK TO BE ON 00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:08.966 THIS PODCAST, YOU KNOW, 00:38:09.066 --> 00:38:10.466 BUT YOU WANTED TO TELL HER STORY. 00:38:10.566 --> 00:38:12.566 SO GOD OPENED UP THE DOOR. 00:38:12.666 --> 00:38:13.633 YEAH. SORRY. 00:38:13.733 --> 00:38:14.900 NO, DON'T. 00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:16.700 I SAID I'M NOT GONNA CRY, BUT I DO. 00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:17.666 IT'S OKAY. 00:38:17.766 --> 00:38:21.699 BUT I THINK ANOTHER BIG THING IS, 00:38:21.799 --> 00:38:23.132 YOU KNOW, THERE ARE - 00:38:23.232 --> 00:38:26.266 THANKS. 00:38:26.366 --> 00:38:28.033 OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS CRAZY. 00:38:28.133 --> 00:38:28.866 IT'S HARD. 00:38:28.966 --> 00:38:30.333 ONCE YOU START IT'S HARD TO STOP. 00:38:30.433 --> 00:38:31.033 IT IS, IT'S SO HARD. 00:38:31.133 --> 00:38:32.566 SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR TIME. 00:38:32.666 --> 00:38:33.366 IT'S OKAY TO CRY. 00:38:33.466 --> 00:38:39.000 I CRY ON HERE ALL THE TIME. 00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:46.133 I THINK IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE 00:38:46.233 --> 00:38:49.532 SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SURVIVE, YOU KNOW. 00:38:49.632 --> 00:38:52.332 AND I PERSONALLY DIDN'T KNOW 00:38:52.432 --> 00:38:55.300 BABIES BORN AT 21 WEEKS COULD SURVIVE ON THEIR OWN, 00:38:55.400 --> 00:38:57.166 EVEN IF IT WAS FOR A MINUTE. 00:38:57.266 --> 00:38:59.266 YOU KNOW, THAT IS EVEN LIFE. 00:38:59.366 --> 00:39:01.366 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE, 00:39:01.466 --> 00:39:02.433 I'VE GOTTEN COMMENTS LIKE, 00:39:02.533 --> 00:39:04.166 OH, SHE WAS ONLY 21 WEEKS. 00:39:04.266 --> 00:39:06.233 YEAH, BUT SHE LIVED 21 MINUTES ON HER OWN. 00:39:06.333 --> 00:39:06.999 YEAH. 00:39:07.099 --> 00:39:08.366 YOU KNOW, THAT'S LIFE. 00:39:08.466 --> 00:39:09.833 SHE LIVED 21 MINUTES. 00:39:09.933 --> 00:39:11.032 SHE LIVED OUTSIDE THE WOMB. 00:39:11.132 --> 00:39:12.766 SHE COULD HAVE BEEN 21 YEARS OLD. 00:39:12.866 --> 00:39:14.432 SHE COULD HAVE BEEN A HUNDRED. 00:39:14.532 --> 00:39:16.833 IT'S STILL A LIFE, YOU KNOW. 00:39:16.933 --> 00:39:20.866 AND I THINK JUST A REALLY BIG PART OF THIS 00:39:20.966 --> 00:39:24.532 THAT HAS REALLY LIKE MOTIVATED ME, 00:39:24.632 --> 00:39:26.199 IF YOU WILL, 00:39:26.299 --> 00:39:29.666 IS THAT ABORTIONS ARE STILL HAPPENING AT 21 WEEKS. 00:39:29.766 --> 00:39:32.466 AND I THINK IT'S JUST THAT WOMEN HAVE BEEN TOLD A LIE, 00:39:32.566 --> 00:39:34.199 THAT IT'S NOT A BABY YET. 00:39:34.299 --> 00:39:36.366 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ONLY A LITTLE OVER HALFWAY 00:39:36.466 --> 00:39:38.800 DONE WITH YOUR PREGNANCY. 00:39:38.900 --> 00:39:41.666 WHEN IN REALITY, LIKE MY DAUGHTER, 00:39:41.766 --> 00:39:43.532 SHE LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE MY OLDEST DAUGHTER. 00:39:43.632 --> 00:39:46.100 SHE HAD FEATURES THAT I COULD MAKE OUT AND SEE, 00:39:46.200 --> 00:39:47.866 AND I COULD SEE HER HAIR. 00:39:47.966 --> 00:39:50.233 AND SHE LIVED AND SHE BREATHED ON HER OWN. 00:39:50.333 --> 00:39:52.099 AND IT MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN 21 MINUTES, 00:39:52.199 --> 00:39:56.166 BUT THAT'S HOW LONG GOD HAD HER LIFE FOR. 00:39:56.266 --> 00:39:57.066 IT STILL COUNTS. 00:39:57.166 --> 00:39:59.199 IT STILL COUNTS. IT STILL COUNTS. 00:39:59.299 --> 00:40:04.066 AND THE NURSE WHO WAS HANDED HER, YES, 00:40:04.166 --> 00:40:05.732 CINDY, SHE'S AN INCREDIBLE, 00:40:05.832 --> 00:40:07.666 INCREDIBLE PERSON. 00:40:07.766 --> 00:40:11.033 SHE HELD HER HER ENTIRE 21 MINUTES, 00:40:11.133 --> 00:40:13.500 AND SHE WROTE ME THE NICEST E-MAIL 00:40:13.600 --> 00:40:16.032 TELLING ME THAT SHE SPOKE LIFE INTO HER. 00:40:16.132 --> 00:40:17.099 OH, THIS IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY. 00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:18.866 SHE SPOKE TRUTH INTO HER. 00:40:18.966 --> 00:40:22.433 SHE TOLD HER YOUR MOMMY FOUGHT SO HARD FOR YOU 00:40:22.533 --> 00:40:26.033 TO BE ABLE TO LIVE PAST THIS. 00:40:26.133 --> 00:40:31.200 AND I KNOW THAT WHEN MILA DID TAKE HER LAST BREATH, 00:40:31.300 --> 00:40:33.199 SHE SAW THE FACE OF JESUS. 00:40:33.299 --> 00:40:35.866 AND I KNOW THAT BECAUSE 00:40:35.966 --> 00:40:37.433 THE NURSE WHO WAS HOLDING HER 00:40:37.533 --> 00:40:39.533 HER ENTIRE LIFE SAID, 00:40:39.633 --> 00:40:42.633 SHE TOOK HER LAST BREATH AND THEN SHE SMILED. 00:40:42.733 --> 00:40:43.900 OH, MY GOSH. 00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:46.133 AND WHEN I FIRST GOT TO HOLD HER AFTER I WOKE UP 00:40:46.233 --> 00:40:47.433 FROM SURGERY, 00:40:47.533 --> 00:40:48.766 SHE WAS STILL SMILING. 00:40:48.866 --> 00:40:49.399 NO. 00:40:49.499 --> 00:40:50.566 YES. 00:40:50.666 --> 00:40:54.166 AND I KNOW THAT IT'S JUST BECAUSE SHE SAW THE LORD. 00:40:54.266 --> 00:40:56.132 AND SHE WAS LIKE, OH, YOU KNOW, 00:40:56.232 --> 00:40:57.866 WHAT A NICE THING TO FIRST SEE. 00:40:57.966 --> 00:40:58.599 YEAH, SERIOUSLY. 00:40:58.699 --> 00:41:00.166 YOU'RE IN YOUR MOM'S WOMB 00:41:00.266 --> 00:41:02.233 AND THEN THE FIRST THING YOU GET TO SEE IS JESUS. 00:41:02.333 --> 00:41:05.499 THAT IS THE LIFE I WOULD LIKE. 00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:08.066 BUT, YEAH, AND SHE HAD ONE HAND UP BY HER FACE 00:41:08.166 --> 00:41:09.866 AND THE OTHER ONE ON HER HEART 00:41:09.966 --> 00:41:11.266 AND THEN SHE SMILED 00:41:11.366 --> 00:41:14.732 AND THAT WAS HER LAST BREATH. 00:41:14.832 --> 00:41:16.599 AND, YEAH, I THINK IT'S JUST IMPORTANT 00:41:16.699 --> 00:41:18.233 LIKE THROUGH THIS WHOLE STORY, 00:41:18.333 --> 00:41:21.666 YOU KNOW, I'VE FOUGHT FOR ABORTION, 00:41:21.766 --> 00:41:24.100 FOR PRO-LIFE TO SAVE BABIES. 00:41:24.200 --> 00:41:26.000 I WAS MISS ARIZONA U.S.A. 00:41:26.100 --> 00:41:28.766 A MILLION YEARS AGO. 00:41:28.866 --> 00:41:32.932 AND I REALIZED IT'S PROBABLY HARD 00:41:33.032 --> 00:41:36.133 FOR A WOMAN WHO'S IN A REALLY HARD SITUATION, PREGNANT, 00:41:36.233 --> 00:41:38.433 TO BE TOLD DON'T ABORT, 00:41:38.533 --> 00:41:39.966 SAVE YOUR BABY. 00:41:40.066 --> 00:41:43.233 BY A WOMAN WHO'S IN A CROWN AND A SPARKLE DRESS 00:41:43.333 --> 00:41:46.133 WHO HADN'T HAD KIDS YET. 00:41:46.233 --> 00:41:50.300 COMPARED TO NOW, I'M A MOM OF THREE, ONE'S IN HEAVEN. 00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:53.233 I DID HAVE A LIFE-ALTERING PREGNANCY. 00:41:53.333 --> 00:41:55.466 I ALMOST DIED. 00:41:55.566 --> 00:41:57.466 I LOST 40 PERCENT OF MY BLOOD 00:41:57.566 --> 00:41:59.799 AND MY ORGANS SHOULD HAVE SHUT DOWN. 00:41:59.899 --> 00:42:03.466 BUT I THINK GOD GAVE ME THAT EXPERIENCE 00:42:03.566 --> 00:42:05.666 TO HELP ME RELATE TO WOMEN 00:42:05.766 --> 00:42:08.766 WHO ARE IN A HARD POSITION. 00:42:08.866 --> 00:42:11.333 AND I CAN'T PROMISE THAT LIKE THE LORD IS 00:42:11.433 --> 00:42:12.633 GONNA SAVE EVERYBODY 00:42:12.733 --> 00:42:13.866 WHO'S IN THIS POSITION, 00:42:13.966 --> 00:42:15.999 YOU KNOW, THE MOMS. 00:42:16.099 --> 00:42:18.399 IT'S A BAD WORLD, YOU KNOW, 00:42:18.499 --> 00:42:20.366 BUT I KNOW THAT I CAN DO WHAT I CAN DO 00:42:20.466 --> 00:42:23.099 WITH THE STORY THAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN, 00:42:23.199 --> 00:42:25.033 TO TRY TO SAVE BABIES. 00:42:25.133 --> 00:42:31.466 AND SO I'M JUST PRAYING THAT MILA'S STORY, 00:42:31.566 --> 00:42:34.099 TO TEACH OTHERS LIKE AT 21 WEEKS, 00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:35.100 SHE LIVED ON HER OWN, 00:42:35.200 --> 00:42:36.866 SHE WAS A FULL BABY. 00:42:36.966 --> 00:42:39.833 YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT CAN CHANGE ONE MOM'S MIND 00:42:39.933 --> 00:42:41.833 TO NOT ABORT, 00:42:41.933 --> 00:42:45.433 EVEN LATE TERM, EARLY, HOWEVER FAR ALONG THEY ARE. 00:42:45.533 --> 00:42:46.533 YEAH. 00:42:46.633 --> 00:42:48.433 AND LIKE YOU SAID, YOU CAN'T PROMISE AN OUTCOME, 00:42:48.533 --> 00:42:50.332 BUT YOU CAN PROMISE THAT GOD IS FAITHFUL. 00:42:50.432 --> 00:42:51.432 YEAH. 00:42:51.532 --> 00:42:52.699 AND HE PROVED THAT TO YOU THROUGH YOUR STORY. 00:42:52.799 --> 00:42:55.266 THE THING THAT REALLY STRIKES ME, 00:42:55.366 --> 00:42:57.066 I'LL TRY TO SAY THIS WITHOUT CRYING, 00:42:57.166 --> 00:43:00.533 IS THAT LIKE IF YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE ABORTION, 00:43:00.633 --> 00:43:03.466 SHE WOULD HAVE FELT THAT, YOU KNOW. 00:43:03.566 --> 00:43:07.933 PEOPLE TRY TO JUSTIFY IT, 00:43:08.033 --> 00:43:09.100 BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS, 00:43:09.200 --> 00:43:10.832 IS THAT THE BABY IS ALIVE. 00:43:10.932 --> 00:43:13.266 THE BABY CAN FEEL 00:43:13.366 --> 00:43:14.566 AND SHE WOULD HAVE FELT THAT. 00:43:14.666 --> 00:43:15.732 AND INSTEAD, YOU GAVE YOUR DAUGHTER 00:43:15.832 --> 00:43:17.699 THE GIFT OF LIFE. 00:43:17.799 --> 00:43:22.133 AND YOU ALLOWED HER TO LIVE AND FEEL YOUR LOVE. 00:43:22.233 --> 00:43:25.866 AND YOU WERE WILLING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR THAT. 00:43:25.966 --> 00:43:28.099 AND I CAN'T THINK OF A GREATER EXAMPLE 00:43:28.199 --> 00:43:29.499 OF GOD'S LOVE THAN THAT. 00:43:29.599 --> 00:43:32.200 BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS 00:43:32.300 --> 00:43:33.333 NO GREATER LOVE THAN THIS 00:43:33.433 --> 00:43:34.200 THAT A MAN WOULD LAY HIS LIFE DOWN FOR HIS FRIENDS. 00:43:34.266 --> 00:43:36.099 RIGHT? 00:43:36.199 --> 00:43:37.533 AND IT EVEN STRIKES ME 00:43:37.633 --> 00:43:38.732 IS THAT IF YOU WOULD HAVE HAD THAT ABORTION 00:43:38.832 --> 00:43:40.100 SHE WOULD HAVE FELT IT, 00:43:40.200 --> 00:43:43.266 AND WHEN THEY GOT HER, SHE WAS COMPLETELY UNAFFECTED. 00:43:43.366 --> 00:43:44.866 SO SHE NEVER FELT PAIN. 00:43:44.966 --> 00:43:47.633 SHE ALWAYS FELT YOUR LOVE. 00:43:47.733 --> 00:43:49.466 AND THEN SHE WAS ALIVE ON THIS EARTH. 00:43:49.566 --> 00:43:51.199 SHE WAS PUT INTO ARMS OF LOVE 00:43:51.299 --> 00:43:53.566 AND THEN SHE GOT TO MEET JESUS FACE TO FACE. 00:43:53.666 --> 00:43:55.566 SO MILA ONLY KNEW LOVE. 00:43:55.666 --> 00:43:56.666 AND IF YOU WOULD HAVE ABORTED THAT, 00:43:56.766 --> 00:43:57.999 YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO LIVE, 00:43:58.099 --> 00:43:58.633 IF YOU WOULD HAVE ABORTED YOUR DAUGHTER, 00:43:58.733 --> 00:44:01.032 YOU WOULD HAVE TO LIVE 00:44:01.132 --> 00:44:02.433 WITH KNOWING THAT. 00:44:02.533 --> 00:44:04.366 BECAUSE ABORTION AFFECTS WOMEN. 00:44:04.466 --> 00:44:05.333 DRASTICALLY. 00:44:05.433 --> 00:44:07.566 PEOPLE DON'T SAY IT, AND IT'S LIKE, 00:44:07.666 --> 00:44:09.066 IT'S TRAUMATIC. 00:44:09.166 --> 00:44:11.300 AND YOU WOULD HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT. 00:44:11.400 --> 00:44:13.866 INSTEAD, EVEN THOUGH IT ALMOST TOOK YOU, 00:44:13.966 --> 00:44:16.000 YOU CAN LIVE WITH THE PEACE, 00:44:16.100 --> 00:44:17.400 YOU FOLLOWED THAT PEACE GOD GAVE YOU 00:44:17.500 --> 00:44:18.533 AND YOU CAN LIVE WITH THE PEACE 00:44:18.633 --> 00:44:20.566 THAT I GAVE MY DAUGHTER LIFE. 00:44:20.666 --> 00:44:22.299 I CHOSE LIFE. 00:44:22.399 --> 00:44:23.332 AND YOU WERE KIND OF LIKE, 00:44:23.432 --> 00:44:26.133 IF I PERISH, I PERISH, BUT I'M CHOOSING LIFE. 00:44:26.233 --> 00:44:28.333 BUT GOD WAS FAITHFUL, HE SUSTAINED YOU. 00:44:28.433 --> 00:44:30.066 HE SUSTAINED MILA UP TO THAT TIME. 00:44:30.166 --> 00:44:32.766 HE SUSTAINED HER 21 MINUTES. 00:44:32.866 --> 00:44:34.432 HER PLACENTA WAS GONE. 00:44:34.532 --> 00:44:36.866 LIKE, SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED AS LONG AS SHE DID. 00:44:36.966 --> 00:44:38.800 AND SO EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT THE OUTCOME 00:44:38.900 --> 00:44:40.166 THAT YOU WANTED, 00:44:40.266 --> 00:44:42.333 OBVIOUSLY YOU WOULD WANT YOUR DAUGHTER HERE, 00:44:42.433 --> 00:44:43.833 IT'S STILL A MIRACLE. 00:44:43.933 --> 00:44:46.333 AND OF COURSE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THE ANSWERS 00:44:46.433 --> 00:44:47.933 AND IT'S STILL GONNA HURT. 00:44:48.033 --> 00:44:49.366 IT HAS TO STILL HURT. 00:44:49.466 --> 00:44:51.033 MM-HMM. 00:44:51.133 --> 00:44:53.433 SO IT'S NOT TO NEGATE ANY OF THAT PAIN. 00:44:53.533 --> 00:44:55.566 BUT GOD WAS FAITHFUL 00:44:55.666 --> 00:44:58.499 EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY. 00:44:58.599 --> 00:45:01.233 I'M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR CHOOSING LIFE, 00:45:01.333 --> 00:45:04.933 FOR FIGHTING WHEN SO MANY PEOPLE AROUND YOU 00:45:05.033 --> 00:45:07.733 WERE SAYING TO, YOU KNOW, GET THE ABORTION. 00:45:07.833 --> 00:45:09.566 AND WILLING TO JUST LAY YOUR LIFE DOWN 00:45:09.666 --> 00:45:11.933 FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. 00:45:12.033 --> 00:45:14.366 IT'S A POWERFUL STORY. 00:45:14.466 --> 00:45:16.466 SO I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT, 00:45:16.566 --> 00:45:18.799 SO YOU WAKE UP FROM SURGERY. 00:45:18.899 --> 00:45:19.800 OH, YEAH. 00:45:19.900 --> 00:45:22.566 WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? 00:45:22.666 --> 00:45:23.966 WAS SHE JUST RIGHT THERE? 00:45:24.066 --> 00:45:26.233 NO. 00:45:26.333 --> 00:45:28.133 SO ONE OF THE MOST - 00:45:28.233 --> 00:45:29.499 WHERE WAS YOUR HUSBAND? 00:45:29.599 --> 00:45:30.533 MY HUSBAND WAS THERE. 00:45:30.633 --> 00:45:32.499 MY HUSBAND WAS LIKE ON THE FLOOR CRYING 00:45:32.599 --> 00:45:33.699 THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS IN SURGERY. 00:45:33.799 --> 00:45:34.966 I WAS IN SURGERY ABOUT THREE HOURS. 00:45:35.066 --> 00:45:36.433 DID THEY LET HIM BE IN THERE? 00:45:36.533 --> 00:45:37.532 NO. 00:45:37.632 --> 00:45:40.966 THIS WAS A - 00:45:41.066 --> 00:45:43.733 THIS WAS A, IT WAS LIKE AN EMERGENCY. 00:45:43.833 --> 00:45:44.899 YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. 00:45:44.999 --> 00:45:46.699 SO MY DOCTOR LITERALLY LEFT HER APPOINTMENTS, 00:45:46.799 --> 00:45:49.000 SHE LEFT A PATIENT IN THE ROOM. 00:45:49.100 --> 00:45:50.000 MY DOCTOR AND I WERE REALLY CLOSE. 00:45:50.100 --> 00:45:51.333 WE TEXTED EVERY DAY. 00:45:51.433 --> 00:45:54.733 SHE CAME AND SAW ME EVERY DAY ON HER LUNCH BREAK. 00:45:54.833 --> 00:45:56.600 AND WHEN THEY RUSHED ME BACK, 00:45:56.700 --> 00:46:00.232 THEY WERE RUNNING TO THE E.R., THE O.R. 00:46:00.332 --> 00:46:04.566 BECAUSE I TOLD YOU I WAS HEMORRHAGING SO MUCH. 00:46:04.666 --> 00:46:07.599 IT WAS A LOT. 00:46:07.699 --> 00:46:11.899 AND THEY HAD BOWLS THAT THEY WERE FILLING UP. 00:46:11.999 --> 00:46:13.533 AND IT WAS JUST A POINT WHERE IT WAS - 00:46:13.633 --> 00:46:14.232 WITH BLOOD? 00:46:14.332 --> 00:46:15.433 MM-HMM. 00:46:15.533 --> 00:46:16.499 OH, MY GOSH. 00:46:16.599 --> 00:46:18.100 I GENUINELY SHOULDN'T BE HERE BECAUSE I LOST 00:46:18.200 --> 00:46:19.166 OVER 35 PERCENT 00:46:19.266 --> 00:46:20.999 OF ALL THE BLOOD IN MY BODY. 00:46:21.099 --> 00:46:22.499 AND WHEN YOU HIT 35 PERCENT 00:46:22.599 --> 00:46:24.233 YOUR ORGANS START SHUTTING DOWN. 00:46:24.333 --> 00:46:26.766 THEY JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BLOOD TO PUMP. 00:46:26.866 --> 00:46:27.966 SO IF IT WASN'T FOR - 00:46:28.066 --> 00:46:30.666 WHICH IS A FUNNY STORY, TOO, CINDY, 00:46:30.766 --> 00:46:33.433 SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS PUMPING THE BLOOD IN ME 00:46:33.533 --> 00:46:34.599 IN THE MASS TRANSFUSION 00:46:34.699 --> 00:46:36.133 RIGHT BEFORE I WENT INTO THE O.R. 00:46:36.233 --> 00:46:38.766 AND SHE'S ALSO THE NURSE WHO HELD MY BABY 00:46:38.866 --> 00:46:40.500 HER ENTIRE LIFE. 00:46:40.600 --> 00:46:43.732 SO THANK YOU, CINDY. 00:46:43.832 --> 00:46:46.199 SO I WENT - RUSHED INTO THE O.R. 00:46:46.299 --> 00:46:48.900 I REMEMBER WAKING UP IN THE ROOM. 00:46:49.000 --> 00:46:50.700 I WAS STILL IN MY LIKE REGULAR CLOTHES. 00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:52.199 I WASN'T IN A HOSPITAL GOWN. 00:46:52.299 --> 00:46:54.366 BECAUSE I HAD BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL SO LONG, 00:46:54.466 --> 00:46:55.400 THERE WAS NO POINT. 00:46:55.500 --> 00:46:56.599 JUST BRING YOUR NORMAL CLOTHES. 00:46:56.699 --> 00:46:58.633 SO I WOKE UP 00:46:58.733 --> 00:47:02.066 AND I WAS VERY OUT OF IT. 00:47:02.166 --> 00:47:04.166 AND I TOLD MY DOCTOR, 00:47:04.266 --> 00:47:05.766 I FEEL GREAT. 00:47:05.866 --> 00:47:07.533 AND I DON'T THINK MY BRAIN HAD CLICKED YET 00:47:07.633 --> 00:47:09.533 WITH EVERYTHING 00:47:09.633 --> 00:47:12.166 BECAUSE I WAS IN SUCH SEVERE PAIN BEFORE. 00:47:12.266 --> 00:47:14.066 YEAH, FOR SO LONG. 00:47:14.166 --> 00:47:15.466 SO YOU FINALLY HAD RELIEF. 00:47:15.566 --> 00:47:19.132 YES, FOR OVER FIVE MONTHS I WAS IN SUCH PAIN, 00:47:19.232 --> 00:47:21.733 THAT I WOKE UP AND THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER SAYING 00:47:21.833 --> 00:47:22.732 WAS I FEEL SO GOOD. 00:47:22.832 --> 00:47:25.400 I FEEL GOOD. 00:47:25.500 --> 00:47:29.933 AND ONE SPECIAL NURSE POSITION, 00:47:30.033 --> 00:47:31.066 WHICH MAYBE I'M IGNORANT, 00:47:31.166 --> 00:47:33.433 I DIDN'T KNOW IT EXISTED, IT'S A BEREAVEMENT NURSE. 00:47:33.533 --> 00:47:35.799 YEAH. 00:47:35.899 --> 00:47:37.833 AND I JUST HADN'T EXPERIENCED THE NEED 00:47:37.933 --> 00:47:39.866 FOR THAT YET IN MY LIFE, 00:47:39.966 --> 00:47:43.966 AND I HAD THE MOST INCREDIBLE BEREAVEMENT NURSE. 00:47:44.066 --> 00:47:45.266 AFTER I HAD KIND OF WOKEN UP 00:47:45.366 --> 00:47:46.933 AND HAD SOME WATER, 00:47:47.033 --> 00:47:48.599 MAYBE 20 MINUTES LATER SHE SAID, 00:47:48.699 --> 00:47:52.366 WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET MISS MILA? 00:47:52.466 --> 00:47:53.766 AND I SAID, OF COURSE. 00:47:53.866 --> 00:47:56.566 I WANT TO SEE MY BABY. 00:47:56.666 --> 00:47:57.833 AND THERE'S SOME THINGS THAT HAPPEN 00:47:57.933 --> 00:48:00.433 WHEN YOU GO THROUGH MEDICAL TRAUMA. 00:48:00.533 --> 00:48:04.033 YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T PROCESS THINGS PROPERLY. 00:48:04.133 --> 00:48:08.599 AND SO I HAD A BOUT FOR LIKE A MONTH, 00:48:08.699 --> 00:48:10.933 SOMETIMES I STILL HAVE IT EVEN A YEAR LATER. 00:48:11.033 --> 00:48:12.966 I HAD A BOUT OF LIKE PHANTOM BABY, 00:48:13.066 --> 00:48:15.366 I THINK IS WHAT MY THERAPIST HAD CALLED IT. 00:48:15.466 --> 00:48:18.999 WHERE IT DIDN'T PROCESS THAT SHE WASN'T ALIVE. 00:48:19.099 --> 00:48:21.199 AND SO SHE BRINGS HER IN 00:48:21.299 --> 00:48:23.266 AND SHE'S WRAPPED BEAUTIFULLY. 00:48:23.366 --> 00:48:26.900 THE BEREAVEMENT PROGRAM AT HONOR HEALTH WAS AMAZING. 00:48:27.000 --> 00:48:28.833 THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL BLANKETS. 00:48:28.933 --> 00:48:32.499 EVERYTHING YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE FOR A BABY. 00:48:32.599 --> 00:48:35.766 AND MILA WAS WRAPPED IN PINK BLANKETS, 00:48:35.866 --> 00:48:37.133 AND I GOT TO HOLD HER. 00:48:37.233 --> 00:48:38.899 THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WHEN I SAW HER WAS 00:48:38.999 --> 00:48:40.999 SHE LOOKS LIKE MY DAUGHTER, SIENNA, 00:48:41.099 --> 00:48:43.099 MY OLDER DAUGHTER. 00:48:43.199 --> 00:48:45.900 AND TWINS, THEY COULD HAVE BEEN TWINS. 00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:47.499 AND SHE STILL HAD HER SMILE ON HER FACE 00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:50.632 AND HER HAND UP AND ON HER CHEST. 00:48:50.732 --> 00:48:51.766 AND IT WAS A LOT. 00:48:51.866 --> 00:48:52.866 YOU LOOK AT HER, 00:48:52.966 --> 00:48:54.700 I THOUGHT SHE LOOKED LIKE MY OLDEST DAUGHTER, 00:48:54.800 --> 00:48:56.533 AND THEN I JUST STARTED CRYING. 00:48:56.633 --> 00:49:03.099 BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO - 00:49:03.199 --> 00:49:05.566 IT'S REALLY HARD TO PROCESS. 00:49:05.666 --> 00:49:06.699 YOU KNOW, YOU GO IN THINKING 00:49:06.799 --> 00:49:07.966 YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE WITH A BABY 00:49:08.066 --> 00:49:09.666 AND THEN YOU DO, YOU END UP LEAVING WITH A BOX 00:49:09.766 --> 00:49:14.133 OF LIKE, HANDPRINTS AND A GRIEF BOOK 00:49:14.233 --> 00:49:19.266 AND A CD ON HOW TO GET THROUGH THE NEXT MONTH. 00:49:19.366 --> 00:49:22.432 BUT I THINK WHAT I LOVED THE MOST ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE 00:49:22.532 --> 00:49:24.300 AFTER HAVING HER, 00:49:24.400 --> 00:49:27.100 WAS THE RESPECT THAT PEOPLE SHOWED MILA. 00:49:27.200 --> 00:49:28.999 AWW. 00:49:29.099 --> 00:49:31.533 SHE WAS A REAL HUMAN TO ALL THE NURSES. 00:49:31.633 --> 00:49:32.399 TO EVERYBODY. 00:49:32.499 --> 00:49:33.399 THEY CALLED HER MILA. 00:49:33.499 --> 00:49:34.766 OH, LOOK HOW PRETTY MILA IS. 00:49:34.866 --> 00:49:37.333 THEY CALLED HER BY HER NAME. 00:49:37.433 --> 00:49:41.166 AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK ABOUT THE BABIES WHO, 00:49:41.266 --> 00:49:43.933 YOU KNOW, ARE ABORTED, TECHNICALLY BORN 00:49:44.033 --> 00:49:46.633 AT THAT PHASE AREN'T GIVEN A NAME, 00:49:46.733 --> 00:49:48.866 THEY'RE NOT RESPECTED. 00:49:48.966 --> 00:49:50.366 THEY'RE NOT GIVEN THAT CHANCE 00:49:50.466 --> 00:49:52.299 OF BEING ACKNOWLEDGED AS A HUMAN. 00:49:52.399 --> 00:49:54.166 THAT'S REALLY HARD TO THINK ABOUT 00:49:54.266 --> 00:49:57.300 BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER WAS. 00:49:57.400 --> 00:49:59.333 AND, YOU KNOW, WE GOT TO HOLD HER. 00:49:59.433 --> 00:50:02.600 MY KIDS WERE THE ONES 00:50:02.700 --> 00:50:04.566 THAT REALLY BROKE ME 00:50:04.666 --> 00:50:05.633 WHEN THEY CAME IN. 00:50:05.733 --> 00:50:06.633 THEY WERE AT SCHOOL. 00:50:06.733 --> 00:50:09.033 HOW OLD WERE THEY AT THE TIME? 00:50:09.133 --> 00:50:12.066 SO MY SON WAS THREE AND MY DAUGHTER WAS FIVE. 00:50:12.166 --> 00:50:14.000 MY SON WASN'T IN SCHOOL YET, 00:50:14.100 --> 00:50:17.699 BUT MY DAUGHTER WAS. 00:50:17.799 --> 00:50:20.199 SO MY DAD ACTUALLY WENT TO GO GET THE KIDS FROM SCHOOL 00:50:20.299 --> 00:50:21.332 BECAUSE MY MOM WAS WITH ME 00:50:21.432 --> 00:50:23.599 AND MY HUSBAND WAS WITH ME. 00:50:23.699 --> 00:50:24.733 AND MY DAUGHTER - 00:50:24.833 --> 00:50:27.966 MY KIDS WERE SO EXCITED FOR THE BABY. 00:50:28.066 --> 00:50:30.666 THEY WOULD FEEL HER KICK EVERY DAY. 00:50:30.766 --> 00:50:31.866 THEY WOULD GO AND BUY HER TOYS. 00:50:31.966 --> 00:50:33.333 LIKE, WE'D GO TO TARGET OR WHEREVER 00:50:33.433 --> 00:50:35.699 AND THEY HAD TO BUY MILA SOMETHING. 00:50:35.799 --> 00:50:36.799 THEY DREW HER PICTURES, 00:50:36.899 --> 00:50:38.066 LIKE, WELCOME BABY MILA. 00:50:38.166 --> 00:50:42.299 WE HAD HER LITTLE ROOM SET UP AND ALL THAT. 00:50:42.399 --> 00:50:46.433 AND I REMEMBER MY DAUGHTER WALKED IN, 00:50:46.533 --> 00:50:49.099 I WAS SITTING THERE, MILA WAS IN THE BABY CRIB 00:50:49.199 --> 00:50:51.899 NEXT TO THE BED WITH THE BLANKET OVER HER. 00:50:51.999 --> 00:50:53.833 AND MY DAUGHTER WALKED IN AND SHE SAW THE BABY CRIB, 00:50:53.933 --> 00:50:57.133 AND SHE'S LIKE, MOMMY, WHY DO YOU HAVE BABY THING HERE? 00:50:57.233 --> 00:51:00.166 AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED. 00:51:00.266 --> 00:51:02.700 AND I SAID, GET UP HERE, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 00:51:02.800 --> 00:51:06.266 AND SO I PUT HER ON THE BED WITH ME. 00:51:06.366 --> 00:51:08.633 AND I SAID, I DID HAVE BABY MILA. 00:51:08.733 --> 00:51:10.533 I HAD HER THIS MORNING. 00:51:10.633 --> 00:51:13.600 AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED. 00:51:13.700 --> 00:51:16.866 AND THEN, THIS WAS LIKE THE HARDEST PART 00:51:16.966 --> 00:51:19.366 OF ACTUALLY THE WHOLE PREGNANCY. 00:51:19.466 --> 00:51:20.800 I SAID, SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT. 00:51:20.900 --> 00:51:22.599 SHE WAS BORN SEVEN DAYS TOO EARLY. 00:51:22.699 --> 00:51:25.366 SHE COULDN'T LIVE. 00:51:25.466 --> 00:51:27.166 SHE JUST STARTED BAWLING. 00:51:27.266 --> 00:51:31.200 MY DAUGHTER IS LIKE THE SWEETEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. 00:51:31.300 --> 00:51:33.833 AND I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO HOLD HER? 00:51:33.933 --> 00:51:36.633 SHE SAID, OF COURSE, SHE'S MY SISTER. 00:51:36.733 --> 00:51:38.599 AND SO I GOT HER OUT 00:51:38.699 --> 00:51:40.600 AND UNCOVERED HER. 00:51:40.700 --> 00:51:43.566 AND SHE'S TINY, SHE'S 21 WEEKS. 00:51:43.666 --> 00:51:48.933 SO SHE HELD HER AND SHE BAWLED THE REST OF THE DAY. 00:51:49.033 --> 00:51:50.366 AND I WAS JUST KIND OF, 00:51:50.466 --> 00:51:53.533 IT'S ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS IN LIFE WHERE 00:51:53.633 --> 00:51:55.499 YOU CAN'T PREPARE FOR IT, 00:51:55.599 --> 00:52:00.733 BUT WHAT YOU SAY TO YOUR KIDS IS CRUCIAL. 00:52:00.833 --> 00:52:03.266 AND THE ONLY THING I COULD GET OUT IN THAT MOMENT 00:52:03.366 --> 00:52:04.966 WAS LIKE, GOD IS STILL GOOD. 00:52:05.066 --> 00:52:06.666 LIKE, THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WANTED, 00:52:06.766 --> 00:52:08.199 BUT GOD IS STILL GOOD. 00:52:08.299 --> 00:52:09.933 AND SHE'S STILL YOUR LITTLE SISTER. 00:52:10.033 --> 00:52:11.700 AND SHE'S IN HEAVEN. 00:52:11.800 --> 00:52:14.900 AND I DON'T KNOW IF THAT STUCK WITH HER, 00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:16.066 BUT I'M HOPING DOWN THE LINE 00:52:16.166 --> 00:52:17.899 IF SHE'S EVER IN A HARD SITUATION 00:52:17.999 --> 00:52:21.166 THAT MY DAUGHTER REMEMBERS THAT GOD IS STILL GOOD. 00:52:21.266 --> 00:52:22.499 EVEN THROUGH THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE, 00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:25.432 I THINK THAT'S REALLY WHAT I WANT HER TO WALK AWAY WITH. 00:52:25.532 --> 00:52:26.400 MY SON WAS YOUNG. 00:52:26.500 --> 00:52:29.366 HE WAS THREE AT THE TIME. 00:52:29.466 --> 00:52:32.733 AND HE STARED AT HER. 00:52:32.833 --> 00:52:34.366 HE WAS A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE TO HOLD HER, 00:52:34.466 --> 00:52:35.533 BUT HE JUST STARED AT HER 00:52:35.633 --> 00:52:37.799 AND SAID HOW CUTE AND PRETTY SHE WAS. 00:52:37.899 --> 00:52:39.999 AND HE SAID, MOMMY, WHY ISN'T SHE CRYING? 00:52:40.099 --> 00:52:41.033 WHY ISN'T SHE KICKING? 00:52:41.133 --> 00:52:41.866 IS SHE HUNGRY? 00:52:41.966 --> 00:52:43.499 DOES SHE NEED TO EAT? 00:52:43.599 --> 00:52:45.133 I SAID, NO, SHE'S NOT ALIVE. 00:52:45.233 --> 00:52:46.833 AND THE CONCEPT OF DEATH AT AN EARLY AGE 00:52:46.933 --> 00:52:48.766 IS REALLY HARD TO GRASP. 00:52:48.866 --> 00:52:50.099 AND IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN AS A MOM, 00:52:50.199 --> 00:52:51.700 IT'S LIKE HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN DEATH, 00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:55.399 YOU KNOW, TO LITTLE KIDS? 00:52:55.499 --> 00:52:57.633 AND MY KIDS WERE FANTASTIC. 00:52:57.733 --> 00:53:00.166 I JUST KEPT PRAYING THAT THEY WOULD BE ABLE 00:53:00.266 --> 00:53:02.533 TO STOMACH IT. 00:53:02.633 --> 00:53:06.500 SO THAT WAS THE FIRST DAY, REALLY HARD. 00:53:06.600 --> 00:53:09.999 THAT NIGHT, I KEPT WAKING UP TO FEED HER. 00:53:10.099 --> 00:53:11.266 IT'S LIKE A PHANTOM BABY THING. 00:53:11.366 --> 00:53:13.066 I KEPT WAKING UP TO FEED HER. 00:53:13.166 --> 00:53:14.299 WHICH IS FUNNY AS A MOM. 00:53:14.399 --> 00:53:16.032 I WOKE UP LIKE EVERY 45 MINUTES, 00:53:16.132 --> 00:53:17.633 LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FEED A NEWBORN, 00:53:17.733 --> 00:53:19.233 ON THE DOT, WOKE UP. 00:53:19.333 --> 00:53:21.766 I THOUGHT I HEARD HER CRYING. 00:53:21.866 --> 00:53:22.900 AND SHE WAS STILL NEXT TO ME 00:53:23.000 --> 00:53:25.766 IN HER LITTLE BABY BASSINET, 00:53:25.866 --> 00:53:27.566 BUT I JUST KEPT WAKING UP TO FEED HER. 00:53:27.666 --> 00:53:30.233 I THOUGHT I HEARD HER CRYING. 00:53:30.333 --> 00:53:32.466 SO THEN IT WAS KIND OF THAT WAVE OF EMOTIONS AGAIN 00:53:32.566 --> 00:53:33.800 EVERY TIME YOU WAKE UP. 00:53:33.900 --> 00:53:34.900 OH, MY BABY'S DEAD. 00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:37.266 MY BABY'S NOT ALIVE. 00:53:37.366 --> 00:53:39.599 AND I THINK THAT WAS REALLY HARD AS WELL, 00:53:39.699 --> 00:53:42.499 JUST THE REMINDER EVERY HOUR, HOUR AND A HALF. 00:53:42.599 --> 00:53:44.199 LIKE, NO. 00:53:44.299 --> 00:53:47.133 YOUR BODY AUTOMATICALLY GOES INTO FEED MODE, 00:53:47.233 --> 00:53:48.866 WHICH I LEARNED LATER ON. 00:53:48.966 --> 00:53:50.299 IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN YOU DELIVER, 00:53:50.399 --> 00:53:54.399 YOUR BODY AUTOMATICALLY GOES INTO THE RHYTHM 00:53:54.499 --> 00:53:56.166 OF WHAT THE NEWBORN WOULD NEED. 00:53:56.266 --> 00:53:57.466 SO YOU WERE PRODUCING MILK? 00:53:57.566 --> 00:53:59.499 OH, I HAD MILK FOR A MONTH. 00:53:59.599 --> 00:54:01.732 I HAD MILK FOR A MONTH. 00:54:01.832 --> 00:54:03.399 I WOULD WAKE UP EVERY HOUR TO FEED A NEWBORN, 00:54:03.466 --> 00:54:05.833 HOUR AND A HALF. 00:54:05.933 --> 00:54:07.532 YOUR BODY GOES THROUGH - 00:54:07.632 --> 00:54:10.499 POSTPARTUM HAIR LOSS, EVERYTHING. 00:54:10.599 --> 00:54:12.766 AND ONCE AGAIN, IT'S A REMINDER - 00:54:12.866 --> 00:54:14.299 EVERY TIME. 00:54:14.399 --> 00:54:15.733 EVERY TIME. 00:54:15.833 --> 00:54:16.332 OF THE LOSS. 00:54:16.432 --> 00:54:17.166 YES, A LOSS. 00:54:17.266 --> 00:54:18.032 AND THERE'S SO MANY WOMEN 00:54:18.132 --> 00:54:19.232 WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH LOSS 00:54:19.332 --> 00:54:20.333 AND THERE'S SO MANY BABIES 00:54:20.433 --> 00:54:24.233 THAT HAVE BEEN DELIVERED AGAINST THEIR OWN WILL. 00:54:24.333 --> 00:54:26.832 I JUST THINK ABOUT THE MOMS WHO 00:54:26.932 --> 00:54:28.533 DON'T HAVE THE SUPPORT THAT I HAD 00:54:28.633 --> 00:54:31.799 AND THEY HAD TO MAKE REALLY HARD DECISIONS ALONE. 00:54:31.899 --> 00:54:33.999 WHETHER IT'S TERMINATION OR NOT, 00:54:34.099 --> 00:54:37.299 BUT I'M JUST GRATEFUL THAT, YOU KNOW, 00:54:37.399 --> 00:54:38.100 I WAS ABLE 00:54:38.200 --> 00:54:39.766 TO GET OUT THOSE FIRST FEW MONTHS 00:54:39.866 --> 00:54:41.899 WITH MY FAMILY, AND GOD SUPPORTING ME. 00:54:41.999 --> 00:54:43.966 'CAUSE NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M ABLE TO TAKE A BREATH. 00:54:44.066 --> 00:54:45.133 IT'S TAKEN ME A FULL YEAR. 00:54:45.233 --> 00:54:46.200 YEAH. 00:54:46.300 --> 00:54:48.432 TO KIND OF LOOK BACK AND GO, OKAY. 00:54:48.532 --> 00:54:49.666 IT'S NOTHING YOU PLAN FOR, 00:54:49.766 --> 00:54:52.833 BUT IF YOU HAPPEN TO GO THROUGH A LOSS IN THE FUTURE, 00:54:52.933 --> 00:54:55.266 ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I DID FOR MY KIDS'S GRIEF 00:54:55.366 --> 00:54:57.866 WAS LETTING THEM BE PART OF THE PROCESS. 00:54:57.966 --> 00:55:00.633 SO MY KIDS GOT MILA READY FOR HER BOX. 00:55:00.733 --> 00:55:02.333 THEY PUT LOTION ON HER. 00:55:02.433 --> 00:55:03.100 THEY HELD HER. 00:55:03.200 --> 00:55:04.966 THEY WRAPPED HER UP IN A BLANKET. 00:55:05.066 --> 00:55:07.666 AND IT HELPED THEM PROCESS 00:55:07.766 --> 00:55:09.932 KIND OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED. 00:55:10.032 --> 00:55:12.399 AND IT HELPED THEM FEEL LIKE THEY ARE, 00:55:12.499 --> 00:55:14.499 BIG BROTHER, BIG SISTER TO MILA. 00:55:14.599 --> 00:55:15.999 I THINK THAT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT, TOO. 00:55:16.099 --> 00:55:16.866 YEAH. 00:55:16.966 --> 00:55:19.133 AND THEY TOOK MILA? 00:55:19.233 --> 00:55:20.599 YES. 00:55:20.699 --> 00:55:22.966 SO WE BURIED HER. 00:55:23.066 --> 00:55:25.166 SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL GRAVE. 00:55:25.266 --> 00:55:26.832 SO YOU WERE ABLE TO BURY HER? 00:55:26.932 --> 00:55:28.499 UH-HUH, YES, WE WERE ABLE TO BURY HER. 00:55:28.599 --> 00:55:30.299 THE KIDS, WHEN YOU LEAVE THE HOSPITAL AFTER YOU 00:55:30.399 --> 00:55:32.399 HAVE A BABY THAT PASSED, 00:55:32.499 --> 00:55:35.266 THEY HAVE LITERALLY LIKE A BOX, 00:55:35.366 --> 00:55:37.266 LIKE A PURPLE BOX FOR US, 00:55:37.366 --> 00:55:40.166 AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IT'S LINED INSIDE AND WHATNOT. 00:55:40.266 --> 00:55:42.466 AND, AGAIN, IT WAS LIKE THE LEVEL OF RESPECT 00:55:42.566 --> 00:55:44.866 THAT EVERY BABY DESERVES. 00:55:44.966 --> 00:55:46.133 SHE'S BURIED WITH A TEDDY BEAR 00:55:46.233 --> 00:55:49.699 AND LIKE A LITTLE BLANKET. 00:55:49.799 --> 00:55:51.933 AND JULIE, OUR BEREAVEMENT NURSE, 00:55:52.033 --> 00:55:53.233 SHE GOT HER ALL READY. 00:55:53.333 --> 00:55:55.900 THEY ESCORT THE BABY DOWN TO THE MORGUE, 00:55:56.000 --> 00:55:56.933 WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW. 00:55:57.033 --> 00:55:59.999 TWO SECURITY GUARDS ESCORT HER DOWN. 00:56:00.099 --> 00:56:01.832 AND THEN YOU JUST COORDINATE WITH 00:56:01.932 --> 00:56:03.532 WHEREVER YOU CHOOSE TO BURY. 00:56:03.632 --> 00:56:08.466 BUT I THINK IT'S - 00:56:08.566 --> 00:56:10.933 IT'S JUST NICE THAT I'M ABLE TO LOOK BACK 00:56:11.033 --> 00:56:12.033 AND JUST SEE A BLESSING 00:56:12.133 --> 00:56:14.566 OF LIKE ALL THE MIRACLES THAT WE HAD. 00:56:14.666 --> 00:56:17.366 I WOULD SAY MY FAVORITE MIRACLES ARE 00:56:17.466 --> 00:56:18.733 THAT GOD ANSWERED THE PRAYER 00:56:18.833 --> 00:56:21.333 THAT HER HEARTBEAT WAS JUST 70 MINUTES - 00:56:21.433 --> 00:56:23.700 70 BEATS PER MINUTE 00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:25.000 WHEN HE CHOSE TO TAKE HER. 00:56:25.100 --> 00:56:26.166 THAT WAS SUCH A BLESSING, 00:56:26.266 --> 00:56:29.099 LIKE, NOT HAVING TO LIVE WITH THE GUILT 00:56:29.199 --> 00:56:30.333 OF TAKING MY BABY OUT. 00:56:30.433 --> 00:56:31.466 YEAH. 00:56:31.566 --> 00:56:33.566 THAT'S A BLESSING IN ITSELF. 00:56:33.666 --> 00:56:35.366 AND THEN I WOULD SAY THE OTHER MIRACLE 00:56:35.466 --> 00:56:37.033 I GOT TO LIVE, 00:56:37.133 --> 00:56:38.699 I THANK THE LORD FOR THAT. 00:56:38.799 --> 00:56:41.399 AND THEN MY FAVORITE MIRACLE IS THAT 00:56:41.499 --> 00:56:42.833 MILA'S IN HEAVEN. 00:56:42.933 --> 00:56:43.632 YEAH. 00:56:43.732 --> 00:56:46.933 AND THAT'S A GIFT WE ALL GET 00:56:47.033 --> 00:56:49.266 AND WE ALL ARE OFFERED. 00:56:49.366 --> 00:56:50.999 AND THE FACT THAT MY BABY, 00:56:51.099 --> 00:56:52.533 I KNOW SHE'S IN HEAVEN, 00:56:52.633 --> 00:56:54.466 THAT IS THE BIGGEST MIRACLE OF ALL. 00:56:54.566 --> 00:56:55.566 THAT YOU'LL GET TO SEE HER AGAIN. 00:56:55.666 --> 00:56:59.100 YEAH, YEAH. 00:56:59.200 --> 00:57:00.533 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY - 00:57:00.633 --> 00:57:02.766 HOW DID YOU HANDLE THIS PAST YEAR, 00:57:02.866 --> 00:57:07.033 HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THE MOURNING PROCESS? 00:57:07.133 --> 00:57:08.766 WHAT WOULD YOUR ADVICE BE TO MOTHERS 00:57:08.866 --> 00:57:10.999 WHO ARE GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW? 00:57:11.099 --> 00:57:12.299 OOH. 00:57:12.399 --> 00:57:13.666 LIKE, I'M STILL IN IT. 00:57:13.766 --> 00:57:15.999 BECAUSE YOU STILL WAKE UP EVERY DAY WITHOUT A BABY, 00:57:16.099 --> 00:57:21.633 YOU KNOW. 00:57:23.299 --> 00:57:27.433 I THINK FOR ME THE THING THAT REALLY HELPED THE MOST 00:57:27.533 --> 00:57:31.032 WAS ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE SAD. 00:57:31.132 --> 00:57:33.399 YOU KNOW, ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE UPSET. 00:57:33.499 --> 00:57:36.699 I PERSONALLY DIDN'T FEEL ANGRY A LOT. 00:57:36.799 --> 00:57:38.099 BECAUSE I THINK GOD GAVE ME SO MANY MIRACLES 00:57:38.199 --> 00:57:39.032 THAT I ASKED FOR, 00:57:39.132 --> 00:57:40.633 SO MANY BLESSINGS. 00:57:40.733 --> 00:57:43.366 AND I THINK LOOKING BACK AND SEEING, 00:57:43.466 --> 00:57:46.199 YOU KNOW, WHETHER IT'S THE EXACT REASON GOD 00:57:46.299 --> 00:57:48.266 ALLOWED SOMETHING TO HAPPEN OR NOT, 00:57:48.366 --> 00:57:50.466 LOOKING BACK ON YOUR STORY, 00:57:50.566 --> 00:57:53.400 MAYBE GOING THROUGH LOSS, BABY LOSS, 00:57:53.500 --> 00:57:55.500 WHATEVER KIND OF LOSS IT IS, 00:57:55.600 --> 00:57:57.299 SEE THE BLESSINGS THAT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU. 00:57:57.399 --> 00:57:59.832 LIKE SEARCH FOR THEM. 00:57:59.932 --> 00:58:03.199 AND THEN REMEMBER LIFE ON EARTH IS SO SHORT. 00:58:03.299 --> 00:58:04.599 SO SHORT. 00:58:04.699 --> 00:58:08.999 SOMETIMES I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT. 00:58:09.099 --> 00:58:12.466 THAT GOD ALLOWS THINGS HE CAN PREVENT. 00:58:12.566 --> 00:58:15.300 AND I THINK THAT IS BECAUSE HE NEEDS 00:58:15.400 --> 00:58:17.300 PEOPLE TO USE THE STORIES 00:58:17.400 --> 00:58:20.932 THAT THEY'VE BEEN GIVEN FOR HIS GLORY. 00:58:21.032 --> 00:58:23.366 AND THAT'S A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. 00:58:23.466 --> 00:58:25.099 I THINK SOMETIMES LOSS 00:58:25.199 --> 00:58:26.666 IS VERY EASY TO SEE AS LIKE, 00:58:26.766 --> 00:58:29.966 WHY DID GOD LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME? 00:58:30.066 --> 00:58:31.466 AND I THINK, MOREOVER, WE NEED TO MAYBE 00:58:31.566 --> 00:58:33.099 SHIFT OUR PERSPECTIVE AND SAY, 00:58:33.199 --> 00:58:35.200 GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE RESPONSIBILITY 00:58:35.300 --> 00:58:37.299 OF THIS EXPERIENCE. 00:58:37.399 --> 00:58:39.166 HOW AM I GONNA USE THE EXPERIENCE 00:58:39.266 --> 00:58:40.866 TO SHARE ABOUT HIM? 00:58:40.966 --> 00:58:42.966 AND IT'S NOT EASY. 00:58:43.066 --> 00:58:44.733 I WOULDN'T SAY IT'S ALWAYS EASY. 00:58:44.833 --> 00:58:47.166 AND THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE 00:58:47.266 --> 00:58:49.266 WITH MUCH MORE DIFFICULT SITUATIONS 00:58:49.366 --> 00:58:50.366 THAN I WENT THROUGH. 00:58:50.466 --> 00:58:52.666 YOU KNOW, I THINK ABOUT CHILDREN WITH CANCER. 00:58:52.766 --> 00:58:54.600 THAT BREAKS MY HEART. 00:58:54.700 --> 00:58:58.466 AND, YOU KNOW, THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE 00:58:58.566 --> 00:59:00.666 SOME SITUATION THAT'S WORSE THAN YOURS. 00:59:00.766 --> 00:59:03.333 EVEN THOUGH WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IS REALLY HARD. 00:59:03.433 --> 00:59:05.866 I THINK REMEMBERING THAT 00:59:05.966 --> 00:59:07.000 AND CONSIDERING IT A BLESSING 00:59:07.100 --> 00:59:09.499 THAT YOU'RE NOT AT THAT WORSE POINT. 00:59:09.599 --> 00:59:11.299 I THINK THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. 00:59:11.399 --> 00:59:14.133 JUST HONESTLY, LIKE DIVING INTO THE WORD. 00:59:14.233 --> 00:59:16.732 PRAYING. 00:59:16.832 --> 00:59:18.399 AND ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE SAD. 00:59:18.499 --> 00:59:19.366 IT'S OKAY. 00:59:19.466 --> 00:59:20.532 YEAH. 00:59:20.632 --> 00:59:23.199 NOT JUST TACKLING YOUR EMOTIONS, BUT PROCESSING THEM. 00:59:23.299 --> 00:59:24.300 YES. 00:59:24.400 --> 00:59:28.633 I DID DO, I DID DO A LITTLE BIT OF MDR THERAPY. 00:59:28.733 --> 00:59:31.966 WHICH KIND OF, WHEN YOU GO THROUGH TRAUMA, 00:59:32.066 --> 00:59:34.466 YOUR BRAIN CAN'T PROCESS IT. 00:59:34.566 --> 00:59:37.099 SO WHEN YOU DO MDR, 00:59:37.199 --> 00:59:38.866 IT RELATES TO THE WAY YOU SLEEP. 00:59:38.966 --> 00:59:40.399 IN REM SLEEP, YOUR EYES GO BACK AND FORTH, 00:59:40.499 --> 00:59:41.532 RIGHT? 00:59:41.632 --> 00:59:44.499 AND THAT IS KIND OF, AS I'VE BEEN EXPLAINED TO, 00:59:44.599 --> 00:59:47.433 IS THE WAY THAT YOUR BRAIN LIKE GETS RID OF TRASH. 00:59:47.533 --> 00:59:49.232 LIKE THINGS ARE IN YOUR MIND THAT JUST DON'T MATTER, 00:59:49.332 --> 00:59:51.166 THEY DON'T NEED TO BE THERE. 00:59:51.266 --> 00:59:52.466 AND THE THING IS WHEN YOU GO THROUGH TRAUMA, 00:59:52.566 --> 00:59:54.599 IT GETS BLOCKED UP. 00:59:54.699 --> 00:59:55.999 SO YOU DO MDR TRAINING, 00:59:56.099 --> 00:59:57.232 AND THEY DO AN EXERCISE WHERE YOUR EYES 00:59:57.332 --> 00:59:58.266 GO BACK AND FORTH 00:59:58.366 --> 01:00:00.066 AND YOU RELIVE THE MOMENT, 01:00:00.166 --> 01:00:01.600 AND IT CLEARS, IT ALLOWS IT TO PROCESS 01:00:01.700 --> 01:00:02.566 THROUGH YOUR BRAIN. 01:00:02.666 --> 01:00:04.666 AND KIND OF MOVE FORWARD. 01:00:04.766 --> 01:00:07.166 AND I'VE JUST DONE A LITTLE BIT OF THAT 01:00:07.266 --> 01:00:09.932 AND I HAVE NOTICED A DIFFERENCE. 01:00:10.032 --> 01:00:11.732 BUT I WOULD SAY THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE 01:00:11.832 --> 01:00:13.932 IS REALLY WAKING UP EVERY DAY 01:00:14.032 --> 01:00:15.900 AND JUST WAKING UP WITH GRATITUDE 01:00:16.000 --> 01:00:18.799 AND TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD. 01:00:18.899 --> 01:00:21.166 I WISH I HAD A PERFECT SOLUTION. 01:00:21.266 --> 01:00:23.699 I THINK YOU, YOU'RE STEWARDING - 01:00:23.799 --> 01:00:25.466 I THINK YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLE MINDSET 01:00:25.566 --> 01:00:26.566 FOR SOMEONE WHO'S GONE THROUGH 01:00:26.666 --> 01:00:27.633 WHAT YOU'VE GONE THROUGH. 01:00:27.733 --> 01:00:29.432 AND YOU'RE TAKING IT, YOU'VE SHIFTED 01:00:29.532 --> 01:00:30.532 YOUR WHOLE MINDSET 01:00:30.632 --> 01:00:32.732 AND YOU'VE MADE IT NOT ABOUT YOURSELF, 01:00:32.832 --> 01:00:34.433 WHERE I THINK SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD ALLOW THEMSELVES 01:00:34.533 --> 01:00:35.833 TO LET THIS TAKE THEM OUT, 01:00:35.933 --> 01:00:36.999 THE DISCOURAGEMENT. 01:00:37.099 --> 01:00:38.666 YOU HELD ON TO FAITH AND TO HOPE, 01:00:38.766 --> 01:00:40.399 AND YOU SAID, OKAY, LORD, I'M GONNA LOOK AT THIS 01:00:40.499 --> 01:00:41.600 AS AN OPPORTUNITY, 01:00:41.700 --> 01:00:43.233 I'M GONNA STEWARD THIS THING 01:00:43.333 --> 01:00:44.166 THAT YOU'VE GIVEN ME, 01:00:44.266 --> 01:00:45.866 AND I'M GONNA LET IT DO AS MUCH GOOD. 01:00:45.966 --> 01:00:46.766 I'M GONNA LET MILA'S LIFE 01:00:46.866 --> 01:00:49.132 DO AS MUCH GOOD AS POSSIBLE. 01:00:49.232 --> 01:00:50.166 AND THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING. 01:00:50.266 --> 01:00:51.299 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 01:00:51.399 --> 01:00:52.200 THANK YOU. 01:00:52.300 --> 01:00:53.399 AND I DON'T THINK, HONESTLY, LIKE, 01:00:53.499 --> 01:00:54.566 I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS 01:00:54.666 --> 01:00:56.299 AND I THINK THAT'S OKAY. 01:00:56.399 --> 01:00:57.700 WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. 01:00:57.800 --> 01:00:59.199 WE DON'T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING PERFECT. 01:00:59.299 --> 01:01:00.066 RIGHT. 01:01:00.166 --> 01:01:02.332 IT'S ABOUT HIM TO BE PERFECT. 01:01:02.432 --> 01:01:03.299 AND WE'RE IN HIM. 01:01:03.399 --> 01:01:04.800 YEAH. 01:01:04.900 --> 01:01:07.432 AND EACH DAY, HE GIVES US THE GRACE. 01:01:07.532 --> 01:01:08.866 THAT'S TRUE. 01:01:08.966 --> 01:01:11.966 I FEEL LIKE ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS 01:01:12.066 --> 01:01:14.166 ABOUT BEING HUMAN IS YOU HAVE TO BE OKAY 01:01:14.266 --> 01:01:16.232 WITH NOT HAVING ALL THE ANSWERS. 01:01:16.332 --> 01:01:17.199 YEAH. I AGREE. 01:01:17.299 --> 01:01:21.999 IT'S SO FRUSTRATING A LOT OF THE TIME, 01:01:22.099 --> 01:01:25.033 BUT I THINK IF YOU CAN REALLY KIND OF JUST 01:01:25.133 --> 01:01:27.766 TAKE A BREATH, 01:01:27.866 --> 01:01:29.433 AND REALIZE YOU'RE NOT - 01:01:29.533 --> 01:01:30.700 LIKE NOT THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE GOD, 01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:32.033 IF YOU CAN TAKE A BREATH AND REALIZE 01:01:32.133 --> 01:01:35.032 I'M NOT GONNA HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS HERE ON EARTH 01:01:35.132 --> 01:01:36.599 BUT I STILL HAVE TOMORROW, 01:01:36.699 --> 01:01:38.466 I'VE BEEN GIVEN TODAY, 01:01:38.566 --> 01:01:40.599 YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP AND USE IT. 01:01:40.699 --> 01:01:42.033 AND I KNOW A LOT OF THE TIME 01:01:42.133 --> 01:01:43.599 WHEN YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE TRENCHES, 01:01:43.699 --> 01:01:45.899 IT'S A LOT EASIER SAID BY SOMEONE SITTING IN 01:01:45.999 --> 01:01:47.599 A CHAIR, YOU KNOW, 01:01:47.699 --> 01:01:51.899 WHO'S NOT GOING THROUGH THAT MOMENT AT THAT TIME. 01:01:51.999 --> 01:01:56.566 BUT I KNOW THAT IF WE ADHERE TO LIKE GOD'S WORD 01:01:56.666 --> 01:01:58.433 AND WE LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS 01:01:58.533 --> 01:02:00.433 AND WE OBEY HIM, 01:02:00.533 --> 01:02:02.599 IT WILL NEVER RETURN VOID. 01:02:02.699 --> 01:02:05.900 AND I COULD BE HONESTLY, LIVING WITH SEVERE GUILT 01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:07.666 AND DEPRESSION RIGHT NOW, 01:02:07.766 --> 01:02:10.466 HAD I CHOSE TO TERMINATE. 01:02:10.566 --> 01:02:11.933 AND I'M JUST GRATEFUL THAT GOD GAVE ME 01:02:12.033 --> 01:02:15.499 THE STRENGTH TO NOT EVEN CONSIDER THAT. 01:02:15.599 --> 01:02:19.499 BECAUSE I THINK THE GUILT ALONE COULD KILL SOMEBODY. 01:02:19.599 --> 01:02:23.099 YOU KNOW, THE DEPRESSION OF IT. 01:02:23.199 --> 01:02:24.466 AND I THINK IT'S JUST REALLY IMPORTANT 01:02:24.566 --> 01:02:26.366 TO REMEMBER THAT IF WE CONTINUE 01:02:26.466 --> 01:02:31.166 TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY AND CHOOSE THE RIGHT NEXT ANSWER, 01:02:31.266 --> 01:02:32.599 WE'LL BE OKAY. 01:02:32.699 --> 01:02:33.600 YEAH. 01:02:33.700 --> 01:02:34.666 YEAH, MENTALLY. 01:02:34.766 --> 01:02:36.066 WELL, THANK YOU. 01:02:36.166 --> 01:02:36.966 THANK YOU. 01:02:37.066 --> 01:02:39.233 FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. 01:02:39.333 --> 01:02:41.999 AND, YOU KNOW, BABY MILA'S LEGACY 01:02:42.099 --> 01:02:43.933 IS GONNA CONTINUE ON. 01:02:44.033 --> 01:02:45.166 AND I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE, 01:02:45.266 --> 01:02:46.932 I KEEP CRYING. 01:02:47.032 --> 01:02:50.033 SO, BRITTANY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 01:02:50.133 --> 01:02:54.132 AND JUST ONE LAST ENCOURAGING WORD OR PRAYER, 01:02:54.232 --> 01:02:55.499 WHATEVER YOU FEEL LED TO DO 01:02:55.599 --> 01:02:57.466 TO THE WOMEN WHO ARE, EVEN THE FATHERS 01:02:57.566 --> 01:02:58.866 WHO ARE LISTENING, 01:02:58.966 --> 01:03:00.299 AND THEN WE'LL WRAP. 01:03:00.399 --> 01:03:02.866 YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 01:03:02.966 --> 01:03:08.533 I WOULD SAY LIFE IS SO HARD, YOU KNOW, 01:03:08.633 --> 01:03:11.166 AND THERE ARE TIMES AND THERE ARE DAYS 01:03:11.266 --> 01:03:12.099 WHEN YOU JUST DON'T THINK 01:03:12.199 --> 01:03:13.699 YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH. 01:03:13.799 --> 01:03:15.966 YOU REALLY DON'T SEE AN OUT. 01:03:16.066 --> 01:03:17.866 AND YOU MIGHT THINK YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS SITUATION, 01:03:17.966 --> 01:03:21.033 THIS IS REALLY A DIFFERENT SITUATION. 01:03:21.133 --> 01:03:23.333 GOD'S SITTING RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. 01:03:23.433 --> 01:03:24.966 HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH YOU IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM 01:03:25.066 --> 01:03:26.166 BY YOURSELF. 01:03:26.266 --> 01:03:28.233 WHEN YOU'RE HEMORRHAGING, HE'S RIGHT THERE. 01:03:28.333 --> 01:03:31.300 WHEN YOU'RE IN A REALLY HARD SITUATION 01:03:31.400 --> 01:03:32.533 AND YOU'RE PREGNANT, 01:03:32.633 --> 01:03:34.033 AND YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT 01:03:34.133 --> 01:03:36.666 THROUGH THE PREGNANCY AND BEYOND, 01:03:36.766 --> 01:03:40.833 I WOULD SAY GOD WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THAT. 01:03:40.933 --> 01:03:43.833 AND IF YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH A HARD SITUATION 01:03:43.933 --> 01:03:46.333 AND YOU'VE MADE THE WRONG DECISION, 01:03:46.433 --> 01:03:48.700 GOD FORGIVES AND GOD LOVES YOU. 01:03:48.800 --> 01:03:50.300 I THINK POST-ABORTION CARE IS SOMETHING 01:03:50.400 --> 01:03:52.833 WE REALLY NEED TO HONE IN ON 01:03:52.933 --> 01:03:55.833 AS A CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY 01:03:55.933 --> 01:03:57.300 AND JUST BE THERE AS A SUPPORT SYSTEM 01:03:57.400 --> 01:04:00.599 FOR WOMEN WHO ARE GOING THROUGH A HARD PREGNANCY 01:04:00.699 --> 01:04:03.299 OR WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH A HARD PREGNANCY, 01:04:03.399 --> 01:04:05.566 OR WHO HAVE MAYBE MADE A DECISION 01:04:05.666 --> 01:04:08.266 THAT THEY KIND OF REGRET NOW. 01:04:08.366 --> 01:04:10.733 I WOULD SAY THROUGH ANY CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE, 01:04:10.833 --> 01:04:12.700 GOD IS THERE WITH YOU. 01:04:12.800 --> 01:04:14.599 YOU NEED TO LOOK FOR HIM, 01:04:14.699 --> 01:04:15.899 AND YOU NEED TO PRAY. 01:04:15.999 --> 01:04:19.433 BECAUSE PRAYER CHANGES LITERALLY EVERYTHING. 01:04:19.533 --> 01:04:22.700 AND SOMETIMES IT TAKES AWHILE 01:04:22.800 --> 01:04:24.599 TO GET IN THE MOTION OF, LIKE, WHAT IT IS 01:04:24.699 --> 01:04:26.299 YOU NEED TO PRAY FOR, WHAT YOU'RE FEELING, 01:04:26.366 --> 01:04:28.800 BUT GOD HEARS EVERYTHING. 01:04:28.900 --> 01:04:30.500 THAT'S SO GOOD. 01:04:30.600 --> 01:04:32.032 WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 01:04:32.132 --> 01:04:34.066 THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE IT.