WEBVTT 00:00:09.234 --> 00:00:10.367 REBECCA WEISS: ALL RIGHT. 00:00:10.467 --> 00:00:11.300 HELLO, EVERYONE. 00:00:11.400 --> 00:00:13.900 WELCOME BACK TO THE PODCAST. 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:17.034 I HAVE SOMEONE REALLY AMAZING HERE TODAY 00:00:17.134 --> 00:00:19.333 BECAUSE SHE HAS AN INCREDIBLE STORY. 00:00:19.433 --> 00:00:21.967 AND I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR GOD'S GRACE 00:00:22.067 --> 00:00:24.700 AND HIS FAITHFULNESS AND HIS REDEMPTION. 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:27.300 AND IT'S GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT ALL SORTS OF TOPICS, 00:00:27.400 --> 00:00:30.400 ADDICTION, MOLESTATION, 00:00:30.500 --> 00:00:31.900 EVEN PROSTITUTION. 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:35.767 BUT YET THE MIRACULOUS SAVING POWER OF GOD, 00:00:35.867 --> 00:00:38.200 AND ALSO HOW GOD BUILDS US BACK UP - 00:00:38.300 --> 00:00:39.133 MICHELLE STEELE: YES. 00:00:39.233 --> 00:00:40.733 REBECCA: WHEN WE COME INTO HIS KINGDOM. 00:00:40.833 --> 00:00:41.967 AND I AM JOINED TODAY WITH 00:00:42.067 --> 00:00:44.833 PASTOR MICHELLE STEELE. 00:00:44.933 --> 00:00:46.800 SHE'S PASTOR OF FAITH BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL 00:00:46.900 --> 00:00:48.200 WITH HER HUSBAND. 00:00:48.300 --> 00:00:50.867 AND THAT CHURCH IS THRIVING AND GROWING 00:00:50.967 --> 00:00:51.833 AND SHE'S GOING TO BE HERE 00:00:51.933 --> 00:00:52.900 SHARING HER TESTIMONY TODAY. 00:00:53.000 --> 00:00:54.500 SO THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, MICHELLE. 00:00:54.600 --> 00:00:56.534 MICHELLE: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE OPPORTUNITY 00:00:56.634 --> 00:00:59.100 TO POINT PEOPLE TO JESUS AND HIS GOODNESS. 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:00.467 REBECCA: I LOVE THAT, AND I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE 00:01:00.567 --> 00:01:01.567 STILL TELLING YOUR TESTIMONY 00:01:01.667 --> 00:01:02.767 BECAUSE IT NEVER GETS OLD. 00:01:02.867 --> 00:01:04.100 MICHELLE: NO. 00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:05.166 REBECCA: OKAY. 00:01:05.266 --> 00:01:08.466 SO TAKE US BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF YOUR STORY. 00:01:08.566 --> 00:01:13.534 MICHELLE: WELL, I LOOK BACK AT THE AREAS OF MY LIFE, 00:01:13.634 --> 00:01:15.467 YOU SAY THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY, 00:01:15.567 --> 00:01:19.600 I HAD WHAT SEEMED TO BE SUCH A GOOD LIFE. 00:01:19.700 --> 00:01:22.034 ON THE OUTSIDE, LOOKED TO BE A LIFE 00:01:22.134 --> 00:01:24.367 THAT WAS ALL PUT TOGETHER 00:01:24.467 --> 00:01:27.667 AND EVERYTHING WAS JUST GONNA PLAY OUT FOR THE GOOD. 00:01:27.767 --> 00:01:30.700 I HAD GREW UP IN A SUBURBAN HOME 00:01:30.800 --> 00:01:34.600 WITH A FAMILY WHO WAS WELL OFF. 00:01:34.700 --> 00:01:38.334 WE HAD - IN THE AREA OF NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE. 00:01:38.434 --> 00:01:40.067 I HAD MY FIRST BABY-SITTING JOB 00:01:40.167 --> 00:01:43.833 WAS FOR A GRAND OL' OPRY MUSIC STAR. 00:01:43.933 --> 00:01:46.966 I HAD ALL OF THE THINGS THAT LOOKED LIKE 00:01:47.066 --> 00:01:48.466 MY LIFE WAS GREAT. 00:01:48.566 --> 00:01:53.667 BUT ON THE INSIDE THERE WAS DESTRUCTION THAT BEGAN 00:01:53.767 --> 00:01:56.167 WORKING IN ME, A SELF-DESTRUCTION, 00:01:56.267 --> 00:02:04.133 THAT I JUST WAS IMPLODING FROM THE INSIDE OUT. 00:02:04.233 --> 00:02:08.067 AND I CAN IDENTIFY CERTAIN TRAUMATIC EVENTS. 00:02:08.167 --> 00:02:12.033 WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL I WAS MOLESTED 00:02:12.133 --> 00:02:13.100 THREE DIFFERENT TIMES, 00:02:13.200 --> 00:02:16.800 THREE ADULT MEN DURING THAT TIME 00:02:16.900 --> 00:02:19.600 THAT TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. 00:02:19.700 --> 00:02:23.634 AND BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT, 00:02:23.734 --> 00:02:26.734 BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS - 00:02:26.834 --> 00:02:29.667 I PUT MYSELF IN THAT WRONG SITUATION, 00:02:29.767 --> 00:02:31.467 THAT I COULDN'T TELL ANYBODY. 00:02:31.567 --> 00:02:34.800 AND SO I KEPT THAT TO MYSELF 00:02:34.900 --> 00:02:37.633 AND DIDN'T TELL ANY OF THE ADULTS IN MY LIFE. 00:02:37.733 --> 00:02:40.900 I DIDN'T SHARE IT AND I JUST BEGAN TO 00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:45.767 SELF-MEDICATE AND REBEL FROM MY FAMILY. 00:02:45.867 --> 00:02:47.833 REBECCA: SO EXTERNALLY, EVERYTHING WAS GOOD, 00:02:47.933 --> 00:02:49.934 BUT INTERNALLY, YOU WERE BEING TORN APART? 00:02:50.034 --> 00:02:51.167 MICHELLE: YEAH. 00:02:51.267 --> 00:02:53.167 REBECCA: HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THE MOLESTATION HAPPENED? 00:02:53.267 --> 00:02:55.300 MICHELLE: I WAS IN SIXTH AND SEVENTH GRADE. 00:02:55.400 --> 00:02:56.334 REBECCA: SO YOU WERE REALLY YOUNG. 00:02:56.434 --> 00:02:58.366 MICHELLE: YEAH. 00:02:58.466 --> 00:02:59.933 AND THERE WERE SITUATIONS THAT HAPPENED, 00:03:00.033 --> 00:03:01.700 YOU KNOW, I LOVED HORSES ALL MY LIFE. 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:05.467 I GREW UP WITH A PONY WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. 00:03:05.567 --> 00:03:07.266 AND SO AS A TEENAGER, 00:03:07.366 --> 00:03:09.633 MY PARENTS HAD GOTTEN US A HORSE. 00:03:09.733 --> 00:03:11.266 AND ONE OF THE INSTANCES HAPPENED 00:03:11.366 --> 00:03:14.733 BECAUSE I WAS WANTING TO GO ON THIS TRIP 00:03:14.833 --> 00:03:16.634 TO SEE THESE WILD MUSTANGS. 00:03:16.734 --> 00:03:18.900 AND THE PERSON WHO INVITED ME 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:22.133 WAS AN OLDER MAN WHO WORKED AT THE BARN 00:03:22.233 --> 00:03:24.133 WHERE WE KEPT OUR HORSE. 00:03:24.233 --> 00:03:26.900 SO MY PARENTS THOUGHT OTHER PEOPLE WERE GOING, 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:29.000 AND I FOUND MYSELF IN THE POSITION 00:03:29.100 --> 00:03:31.033 THAT HE HAD INVITED ME TO GO, 00:03:31.133 --> 00:03:34.333 I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW THAT OTHER PEOPLE WEREN'T GOING, 00:03:34.433 --> 00:03:37.134 I KIND OF MAYBE THOUGHT IT WAS AN EVENT, 00:03:37.234 --> 00:03:40.033 BUT I FOUND MYSELF ALONE AND HE WAS DRUNK. 00:03:40.133 --> 00:03:42.167 AND I THOUGHT, OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS MY FAULT. 00:03:42.267 --> 00:03:44.267 WHAT AM I DOING? 00:03:44.367 --> 00:03:46.233 AND THEN THE OTHER SITUATION HAPPENED 00:03:46.333 --> 00:03:48.366 IN THE SAME KIND OF SCENARIO. 00:03:48.466 --> 00:03:49.700 I HAD TOLD MY PARENTS, YOU KNOW, 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:52.734 THIS IS GONNA BE SOMETHING GOING ON, THIS EVENT, 00:03:52.834 --> 00:03:54.633 AND CAN I GO? 00:03:54.733 --> 00:03:58.834 AND ENDED UP BEING THE COACH FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL. 00:03:58.934 --> 00:04:01.334 I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE. 00:04:01.434 --> 00:04:03.534 AND SO AGAIN, IT WAS THOSE THINGS 00:04:03.634 --> 00:04:05.733 THAT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I PUT MYSELF 00:04:05.833 --> 00:04:07.067 IN THAT SITUATION, 00:04:07.167 --> 00:04:10.000 I COULDN'T SHARE IT WITH ANYBODY. 00:04:10.100 --> 00:04:12.400 REBECCA: AND SO THE SHAME KEPT YOU QUIET. 00:04:12.500 --> 00:04:16.633 MICHELLE: IT WAS SHAME THAT TOLD ME I COULDN'T TELL, 00:04:16.733 --> 00:04:19.767 AND THEN SHAME THAT MADE ME BEAT MYSELF UP FOR IT. 00:04:19.867 --> 00:04:21.500 AND THEN SHAME THAT KEPT TELLING ME 00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:23.700 I WASN'T WORTHY OF ANYTHING. 00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:25.666 I WASN'T WORTH A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. 00:04:25.766 --> 00:04:27.733 NOBODY WAS GOING TO LOVE ME. 00:04:27.833 --> 00:04:30.034 AND I BEGAN TO BE VERY REBELLIOUS 00:04:30.134 --> 00:04:31.366 AND PROMISCUOUS, 00:04:31.466 --> 00:04:34.266 RUNNING AND SNEAKING OUT OF THE ROOM AT NIGHT. 00:04:34.366 --> 00:04:37.666 GOING TO PLACES THAT MY PARENTS DIDN'T KNOW I WAS. 00:04:37.766 --> 00:04:41.933 STARTED EXPERIMENTING WITH DRUGS AND ALCOHOL 00:04:42.033 --> 00:04:45.933 AND ENDED UP RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME AT 15 YEARS OLD. 00:04:46.033 --> 00:04:49.367 AT 15, I WAS OUT ON MY OWN. 00:04:49.467 --> 00:04:51.000 AND THE FIRST TIME MY PARENTS HAD TRIED 00:04:51.100 --> 00:04:53.600 TO BRING ME BACK, 00:04:53.700 --> 00:04:54.867 AND THEN I RAN AWAY AGAIN 00:04:54.967 --> 00:04:57.833 AND FINALLY THEY'RE LIKE, OKAY, JUST GO. 00:04:57.933 --> 00:05:02.234 AND SO I ENDED UP OUT ON MY OWN. 00:05:02.334 --> 00:05:03.934 AND THE PERSON THAT I THOUGHT 00:05:04.034 --> 00:05:06.600 I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME TO BE WITH, 00:05:06.700 --> 00:05:09.700 ENDED UP TALKING ME INTO 00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:11.733 SELLING MY BODY. 00:05:11.833 --> 00:05:16.233 AND IT WAS AFTER I HAD BROKEN HIM OUT OF A PRISON, 00:05:16.333 --> 00:05:19.467 HE WAS IN A JUVENILE PENITENTIARY THERE 00:05:19.567 --> 00:05:21.900 OUTSIDE OF NASHVILLE 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:25.134 IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED ASHLAND CITY. 00:05:25.234 --> 00:05:27.600 AND HE HAD MOVED FROM THE HIGH SECURITY 00:05:27.700 --> 00:05:29.467 DOWN TO A LOWER SECURITY 00:05:29.567 --> 00:05:33.400 AND HE SAID, HE PLANNED IT ALL AND TOLD ME WHERE 00:05:33.500 --> 00:05:34.833 TO PULL UP THE CAR. 00:05:34.933 --> 00:05:35.966 AND I PULLED UP THE CAR 00:05:36.066 --> 00:05:37.700 AND HE WHISTLED AND JUMPED IN THE BACK 00:05:37.800 --> 00:05:39.334 AND WE WERE ON THE RUN. 00:05:39.434 --> 00:05:40.567 I BROKE HIM OUT. 00:05:40.667 --> 00:05:42.533 HE HAD BROKEN OUT AND I PICKED HIM UP. 00:05:42.633 --> 00:05:46.467 SO WE TOOK OFF IN A HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR 00:05:46.567 --> 00:05:49.067 AND DROVE TO FLORIDA. 00:05:49.167 --> 00:05:50.867 AND THEN DIDN'T FIND THE PERSON 00:05:50.967 --> 00:05:52.933 THAT WE WANTED TO FIND IN FLORIDA, 00:05:53.033 --> 00:05:54.333 SO WE TOOK THE MONEY THAT WE HAD 00:05:54.433 --> 00:05:55.767 AND DROVE UP TO DETROIT. 00:05:55.867 --> 00:05:59.500 WE THOUGHT WE'D CROSS THE CANADIAN BORDER. 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:01.900 AND THAT HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR FELL APART. 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:04.933 AND BY THAT TIME, I WAS -- 00:06:05.033 --> 00:06:06.134 I THOUGHT I WAS SICK. 00:06:06.234 --> 00:06:08.967 AND HIS MOTHER, HE'S LIKE, MOM, SHE IS NO FUN. 00:06:09.067 --> 00:06:10.400 SHE IS SLEEPING ALL THE TIME, 00:06:10.500 --> 00:06:11.733 SHE'S THROWING UP. 00:06:11.833 --> 00:06:14.033 AND SHE GOES, SHE'S PROBABLY PREGNANT. 00:06:14.133 --> 00:06:15.667 AND I WAS. 00:06:15.767 --> 00:06:19.800 WE WERE EXPECTING OUR FIRST CHILD. 00:06:19.900 --> 00:06:23.400 AND IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HE, AT 15, 00:06:23.500 --> 00:06:25.734 WASN'T INTERESTED IN. 00:06:25.834 --> 00:06:28.033 AND SO HE KIND OF LEFT ME. 00:06:28.133 --> 00:06:30.800 AND SO WE WERE ACTUALLY STILL ON THE RUN 00:06:30.900 --> 00:06:32.767 AND HE THOUGHT HE COULDN'T GET EMPLOYMENT 00:06:32.867 --> 00:06:35.500 SO HE WAS WORKING UNDER THE TABLE AT SOME PLACES 00:06:35.600 --> 00:06:38.467 AND WE WERE LIVING IN AN ABANDONED HOUSE. 00:06:38.567 --> 00:06:39.666 REBECCA: WHERE WAS THIS? 00:06:39.766 --> 00:06:41.000 MICHELLE: IN ASHLAND CITY. 00:06:41.100 --> 00:06:43.300 IT'S AN AREA OUTSIDE OF NASHVILLE. 00:06:43.400 --> 00:06:45.567 IT'S OUT IN THE COUNTRY. 00:06:45.667 --> 00:06:47.100 AND SO IT WAS AN ABANDONED HOUSE. 00:06:47.200 --> 00:06:48.500 IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY WATER, 00:06:48.600 --> 00:06:50.933 IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY ELECTRICITY. 00:06:51.033 --> 00:06:53.400 AND HE LEFT ME THERE. 00:06:53.500 --> 00:06:55.766 AND WHEN I RAN OUT OF FOOD -- 00:06:55.866 --> 00:06:56.834 REBECCA: HOW OLD WERE YOU? 00:06:56.934 --> 00:06:58.300 MICHELLE: I WAS 15. 00:06:58.400 --> 00:06:59.567 REBECCA: SO YOU WERE BOTH 15? 00:06:59.667 --> 00:07:00.666 MICHELLE: YES. 00:07:00.766 --> 00:07:02.767 REBECCA: YOU BROKE HIM OUT OF JAIL. 00:07:02.867 --> 00:07:03.700 MICHELLE: YES. 00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:05.367 REBECCA: A LOWER SECURITY SITUATION 00:07:05.467 --> 00:07:06.900 OR HE GOT OUT AND YOU PICKED HIM UP. 00:07:07.000 --> 00:07:07.866 MICHELLE: YES. 00:07:07.966 --> 00:07:08.700 REBECCA: YOU ENDED UP GOING ALL AROUND 00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:09.667 DIFFERENT PARTS OF AMERICA, 00:07:09.767 --> 00:07:11.134 BUT YOU ENDED UP BACK IN TENNESSEE 00:07:11.234 --> 00:07:12.100 BECAUSE YOU WERE PREGNANT. 00:07:12.200 --> 00:07:13.000 MICHELLE: YES. 00:07:13.100 --> 00:07:14.433 REBECCA: AND HE LEFT YOU IN A HOUSE. 00:07:14.533 --> 00:07:15.967 MICHELLE: HE LEFT ME THERE. 00:07:16.067 --> 00:07:17.800 AND SO ABOUT TWO WEEKS 00:07:17.900 --> 00:07:19.500 I HAD RAN OUT OF THE FOOD AND WATER SUPPLIES 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:22.033 THAT WE HAD IN THIS HOUSE, 00:07:22.133 --> 00:07:23.233 AND IT TOOK ME A DAY, 00:07:23.333 --> 00:07:27.400 BUT I WALKED DOWN OFF THAT MOUNTAIN AND I FOUND HIM. 00:07:27.500 --> 00:07:29.400 HE WAS AT HIS SISTER'S HOUSE. 00:07:29.500 --> 00:07:31.100 AND I WALKED IN AND I SAID, 00:07:31.200 --> 00:07:32.334 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 00:07:32.434 --> 00:07:33.967 I THOUGHT YOU GOT ARRESTED. 00:07:34.067 --> 00:07:35.734 I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING HAPPENED. 00:07:35.834 --> 00:07:36.933 HE SAID, DON'T YOU GET IT? 00:07:37.033 --> 00:07:38.400 I DON'T WANT YOU. 00:07:38.500 --> 00:07:41.066 REBECCA: OH, MY GOODNESS. 00:07:41.166 --> 00:07:42.634 THAT ACTUALLY LEADS ME TO MY QUESTION. 00:07:42.734 --> 00:07:43.733 MICHELLE: OKAY. 00:07:43.833 --> 00:07:45.433 REBECCA: SO I WANT TO KNOW BEFORE WE GET MORE 00:07:45.533 --> 00:07:47.866 INTO THE STORY ABOUT YOU AND HIM, 00:07:47.966 --> 00:07:50.033 WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LIE IS 00:07:50.133 --> 00:07:52.833 THAT YOU BELIEVED AFTER THAT STUFF HAPPENED TO YOU, 00:07:52.933 --> 00:07:54.866 THAT KIND OF GRAVITATED YOU TOWARDS SOMEONE 00:07:54.966 --> 00:07:55.900 TREATING -- 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:57.034 YOU BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP LETTING 00:07:57.134 --> 00:07:59.033 SOMEONE TREAT YOU THAT WAY? 00:07:59.133 --> 00:08:03.100 MICHELLE: THE LIE WAS YOU'RE NOT WORTHY. 00:08:03.200 --> 00:08:05.167 YOU'RE NO GOOD. 00:08:05.267 --> 00:08:07.900 YOU ARE DAMAGED. 00:08:08.000 --> 00:08:11.900 AND IT WAS A SELF-IMAGE 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:16.700 THAT WAS PAINTED BY SHAME. 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:20.067 IT WAS AS IF SHAME WAS THE FILTER 00:08:20.167 --> 00:08:24.467 THROUGH WHICH I SAW EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE. 00:08:24.567 --> 00:08:26.667 AND EVEN, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES 00:08:26.767 --> 00:08:30.034 PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND 00:08:30.134 --> 00:08:33.200 THAT USUALLY SHAME WORKS ITS BEST IN PEOPLE 00:08:33.300 --> 00:08:35.900 WHO DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO CAUSE IT. 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:38.800 IT IS BAD WHEN YOU ARE THE PERSON 00:08:38.900 --> 00:08:40.800 WHO HAS COMMITTED THE CRIMES. 00:08:40.900 --> 00:08:42.700 I KNOW THAT SHAME, TOO, 00:08:42.800 --> 00:08:44.767 BUT IT DIDN'T START WITH THAT. 00:08:44.867 --> 00:08:47.434 IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE WHO HAD VIOLATED ME 00:08:47.534 --> 00:08:49.700 THAT INTRODUCED THAT SHAME INTO MY LIFE, 00:08:49.800 --> 00:08:54.900 BUT THEN MY LIFE BECAME A -- 00:08:55.000 --> 00:09:00.933 A REPERCUSSION OF WHAT THEIR VIOLATION HAD DONE. 00:09:01.033 --> 00:09:03.733 REBECCA: AND SO WHEN YOU RUN AWAY FROM HOME, 00:09:03.833 --> 00:09:05.366 YOUR PARENTS BASICALLY, AFTER TRYING TO 00:09:05.466 --> 00:09:06.334 GET YOU BACK ONCE, 00:09:06.434 --> 00:09:08.567 THEY JUST KIND OF SAID, OKAY, LET HER GO. 00:09:08.667 --> 00:09:09.666 MICHELLE: YEAH. 00:09:09.766 --> 00:09:11.634 REBECCA: DID YOU GROW UP IN A CHRISTIAN HOME? 00:09:11.734 --> 00:09:13.233 MICHELLE: I DID NOT. 00:09:13.333 --> 00:09:16.033 I HAD GRANDPARENTS WHO WERE CHRISTIANS. 00:09:16.133 --> 00:09:17.766 I DO REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL 00:09:17.866 --> 00:09:22.033 GOING TO CHURCH WITH MY GRANDMA A LITTLE BIT, 00:09:22.133 --> 00:09:23.433 BUT NOT OUT OF -- 00:09:23.533 --> 00:09:25.000 I ONLY LIVED WITH HER FOR A SHORT TIME 00:09:25.100 --> 00:09:27.066 AFTER MY PARENTS WERE DIVORCED. 00:09:27.166 --> 00:09:31.034 AND SO IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT I WAS -- 00:09:31.134 --> 00:09:33.334 THAT THE WORD WAS INSTILLED IN ME. 00:09:33.434 --> 00:09:35.067 REBECCA: SO YOUR PARENTS LET YOU GO. 00:09:35.167 --> 00:09:38.533 HOW DID YOU MEET THIS GUY? 00:09:38.633 --> 00:09:40.867 MICHELLE: I MET HIM THROUGH A FRIEND. 00:09:40.967 --> 00:09:43.767 IT WAS JUST ONE OF THESE WEIRD SETUPS 00:09:43.867 --> 00:09:45.200 WHERE BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH KIND OF WILD 00:09:45.300 --> 00:09:50.533 AND BOTH LIVING ON THE EDGE THAT THEY SET US UP, 00:09:50.633 --> 00:09:54.333 AND SO THAT WAS THE CONNECTION THAT WE HAD. 00:09:54.433 --> 00:09:56.433 REBECCA: SO BACK TO THE STORY. 00:09:56.533 --> 00:10:00.633 YOU BREAK THIS GUY OUT, 00:10:00.733 --> 00:10:02.467 GO ALL OVER, 00:10:02.567 --> 00:10:04.267 END UP BACK IN TENNESSEE. 00:10:04.367 --> 00:10:05.933 YOU'RE PREGNANT. 00:10:06.033 --> 00:10:08.234 WERE YOU PROSTITUTING BEFORE YOU GOT PREGNANT? 00:10:08.334 --> 00:10:09.367 MICHELLE: NO. 00:10:09.467 --> 00:10:11.567 IT WAS DURING THAT TIME THAT I WAS PREGNANT, 00:10:11.667 --> 00:10:13.800 I HAD MOVED IN WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER 00:10:13.900 --> 00:10:15.200 AND I WAS WORKING AS A WAITRESS -- 00:10:15.300 --> 00:10:17.033 REBECCA: THIS IS AFTER THE MOUNTAIN HOUSE? 00:10:17.133 --> 00:10:18.834 REBECCA: AFTER HE HAD LEFT ME ON THE MOUNTAIN. 00:10:18.934 --> 00:10:20.367 REBECCA: SO YOU COME DOWN AND HE LET'S YOU LIVE 00:10:20.467 --> 00:10:21.733 WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER? 00:10:21.833 --> 00:10:23.766 MICHELLE: WELL, HIS GRANDMOTHER SAID, 00:10:23.866 --> 00:10:25.200 WELL, YOU DON'T NEED HIM ANYWAY, HONEY. 00:10:25.300 --> 00:10:26.934 YOU COME ON IN HERE. 00:10:27.034 --> 00:10:29.633 SHE WAS ALWAYS TAKING IN THE LOST. 00:10:29.733 --> 00:10:32.967 AND SO SHE LET ME COME AND STAY THERE WITH HER 00:10:33.067 --> 00:10:36.933 AND IT WAS DURING THAT TIME 00:10:37.033 --> 00:10:40.466 THAT HE WAS PROSTITUTING SOMEONE ELSE. 00:10:40.566 --> 00:10:42.167 AND I FOUND OUT WHO IT WAS, 00:10:42.267 --> 00:10:43.733 IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL, 00:10:43.833 --> 00:10:46.400 FROM JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. 00:10:46.500 --> 00:10:50.700 AND SO HE BEGAN TO COME BY GRANDMA'S HOUSE AND VISIT ME 00:10:50.800 --> 00:10:54.000 AND TALKED WHILE SHE WAS AT WORK PROSTITUTING, 00:10:54.100 --> 00:10:56.367 HE WOULD TALK TO ME ABOUT 00:10:56.467 --> 00:10:58.300 HOW HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH ME, 00:10:58.400 --> 00:11:01.134 AND HE JUST REALLY STARTED TURNING ON THE CHARM 00:11:01.234 --> 00:11:02.200 AND MAKING ME THINK, 00:11:02.300 --> 00:11:04.933 THAT, OKAY, MAYBE HE IS INTERESTED IN ME. 00:11:05.033 --> 00:11:07.767 I DIDN'T REALIZE HE WANTED ME TO GO TO WORK FOR HIM. 00:11:07.867 --> 00:11:10.900 AND SO HE TALKED ME INTO, 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:14.166 WITH THIS IDEA OF I'M GONNA BE YOUR -- 00:11:14.266 --> 00:11:17.700 I'M JUST WITH HER BECAUSE SHE'S DOING THIS. 00:11:17.800 --> 00:11:20.067 IT WAS PLAYING US BOTH AGAINST EACH OTHER, 00:11:20.167 --> 00:11:23.266 BUT I ENDED UP TAKING THAT -- 00:11:23.366 --> 00:11:26.333 IT WAS THAT MANIPULATION AND THAT PRESSURE 00:11:26.433 --> 00:11:27.800 AND I REALLY WANTED HIM. 00:11:27.900 --> 00:11:29.400 HE'S THE FATHER OF MY BABY. 00:11:29.500 --> 00:11:30.467 I BROKE HIM OUT OF JAIL, 00:11:30.567 --> 00:11:31.767 I RAN AWAY FROM HOME. 00:11:31.867 --> 00:11:33.867 I THOUGHT, OKAY, MAYBE HE DOES AND HE WILL, 00:11:33.967 --> 00:11:35.800 AND I CAN GET HIM TO COME BACK TO ME. 00:11:35.900 --> 00:11:41.033 AND SO I ENDED UP PROSTITUTING IN THE TRUCK STOPS, 00:11:41.133 --> 00:11:45.533 AND HE HAD BOTH OF US OUT THERE. 00:11:45.633 --> 00:11:49.500 AND SO AS A PREGNANT 16-YEAR-OLD, 00:11:49.600 --> 00:11:50.867 I WAS PROSTITUTING. 00:11:50.967 --> 00:11:53.500 AND THAT'S WHEN THE PROSTITUTION STARTED. 00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:55.933 BUT WHAT I DIDN'T REALIZE IS, 00:11:56.033 --> 00:11:58.566 IN THAT PROSTITUTION, 00:11:58.666 --> 00:12:01.034 THERE WAS A WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL OF SHAME. 00:12:01.134 --> 00:12:02.467 REBECCA: YEAH. 00:12:02.567 --> 00:12:05.834 MICHELLE: AND THERE WAS A DARKNESS AND A HATRED 00:12:05.934 --> 00:12:07.500 THAT CAME INTO ME FOR MYSELF. 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:10.400 A SELF-HATRED. 00:12:10.500 --> 00:12:12.600 AND AFTER I HAD HAD MY BABY, 00:12:12.700 --> 00:12:15.834 I BEGAN TO TRY TO COVER UP, 00:12:15.934 --> 00:12:18.133 TO NUMB MYSELF OF THAT PAIN. 00:12:18.233 --> 00:12:19.967 REBECCA: THE REALITY THAT YOU WERE IN. 00:12:20.067 --> 00:12:21.967 MICHELLE: AND THAT'S HOW THE ADDICTIONS STARTED. 00:12:22.067 --> 00:12:23.767 REBECCA: DO YOU THINK ALMOST BECAUSE 00:12:23.867 --> 00:12:25.134 HE GAVE YOU LOVE 00:12:25.234 --> 00:12:26.833 AND THEN HE ABANDONED YOU 00:12:26.933 --> 00:12:28.367 AND THEN HE CAME BACK, 00:12:28.467 --> 00:12:30.200 YOU'RE ALMOST SO DESPERATE TO HAVE HIM BACK 00:12:30.300 --> 00:12:32.067 THAT YOU WERE WILLING TO DO THAT? 00:12:32.167 --> 00:12:33.000 MICHELLE: YES. 00:12:33.100 --> 00:12:34.600 REBECCA: BUT THEN ONCE YOU WERE IN IT, 00:12:34.700 --> 00:12:36.034 YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF? 00:12:36.134 --> 00:12:36.934 MICHELLE: YES. 00:12:37.034 --> 00:12:37.567 REBECCA: AND YOU WERE PROSTITUTING 00:12:37.667 --> 00:12:38.700 WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT? 00:12:38.800 --> 00:12:39.934 MICHELLE: I WAS. 00:12:40.034 --> 00:12:42.033 REBECCA: THAT'S SO CRA - 00:12:42.133 --> 00:12:44.533 SO LIKE, WERE YOU FAR ALONG? 00:12:44.633 --> 00:12:46.300 MICHELLE: UP UNTIL EIGHT MONTHS. 00:12:46.400 --> 00:12:47.134 REBECCA: ARE YOU SERIOUS? 00:12:47.234 --> 00:12:48.533 MICHELLE: YES. YES. 00:12:48.633 --> 00:12:50.100 REBECCA: THAT'S SO CRAZY. 00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:51.067 MICHELLE: I LOOK BACK NOW AND THINK, 00:12:51.167 --> 00:12:53.200 WHAT WAS I THINKING? 00:12:53.300 --> 00:12:54.600 REBECCA: YOU DIDN'T DO DRUGS, THOUGH, 00:12:54.700 --> 00:12:55.734 WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD? 00:12:55.834 --> 00:12:56.467 MICHELLE: WITH MY FIRST CHILD 00:12:56.567 --> 00:12:58.633 I DID NOT DO ANY DRUGS. 00:12:58.733 --> 00:13:03.566 I HAD SOME SENSE OF MIND TO KNOW THAT. 00:13:03.666 --> 00:13:06.233 AND BUT EVEN IN - 00:13:06.333 --> 00:13:07.467 THERE WOULD BE TIMES - 00:13:07.567 --> 00:13:09.100 I LOOK BACK NOW, 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:11.000 AND, YOU KNOW, IN SITTING DOWN TO WRITE MY BOOK, 00:13:11.100 --> 00:13:13.034 IT'S BEEN 30 YEARS. 00:13:13.134 --> 00:13:16.533 AND WHEN I WROTE THE BOOK I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, 00:13:16.633 --> 00:13:17.834 WHERE WAS ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE 00:13:17.934 --> 00:13:20.133 WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHAKING ME 00:13:20.233 --> 00:13:21.700 AND SAYING, MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 00:13:21.800 --> 00:13:23.233 GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF. 00:13:23.333 --> 00:13:24.600 BECAUSE I LOOK BACK AND HIS FAMILY KNEW 00:13:24.700 --> 00:13:25.967 WHAT I WAS DOING, 00:13:26.067 --> 00:13:27.500 THEY KNEW I WAS PROSTITUTING. 00:13:27.600 --> 00:13:30.700 THEY KNEW THAT WE WERE DOING DRUGS. 00:13:30.800 --> 00:13:32.667 AND, YOU KNOW, WHERE WERE THE PEOPLE, 00:13:32.767 --> 00:13:36.167 THE ADULTS, THE RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE? 00:13:36.267 --> 00:13:38.134 I DO THANK GOD 00:13:38.234 --> 00:13:41.033 THAT THEY AT LEAST TOOK MY CHILDREN OUT OF THAT LIFE. 00:13:41.133 --> 00:13:43.100 THEY WOULD - 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:45.700 THEY WILLINGLY EMBRACED THE RESPONSIBILITY 00:13:45.800 --> 00:13:46.733 OF MY CHILDREN 00:13:46.833 --> 00:13:49.967 SO THAT MY CHILDREN WEREN'T IN A POSITION 00:13:50.067 --> 00:13:52.366 TO BE NEGLECTED OR TO BE ABUSED. 00:13:52.466 --> 00:13:55.134 REBECCA: YEAH, THEY WERE OUT OF THAT LIFESTYLE. 00:13:55.234 --> 00:13:57.500 SO HOW DID YOU GET YOUR FIRST INTRODUCTION TO DRUGS? 00:13:57.600 --> 00:13:59.634 SO IT WAS AFTER YOU GAVE BIRTH? 00:13:59.734 --> 00:14:01.766 MICHELLE: I HAD EXPERIMENTED WITH DRUGS BEFORE, 00:14:01.866 --> 00:14:04.733 YOU KNOW, AS A TEENAGER GETTING HIGH, SMOKING POT. 00:14:04.833 --> 00:14:05.800 REBECCA: BUT THE ADDICTION, 00:14:05.900 --> 00:14:06.867 WHEN DID THAT START? 00:14:06.967 --> 00:14:10.267 MICHELLE: THE ADDICTION STARTED WITH THE NEEDLE. 00:14:10.367 --> 00:14:12.966 BECAUSE HE WAS MORE - 00:14:13.066 --> 00:14:17.034 MORE AWARE OF STREET DRUGS 00:14:17.134 --> 00:14:18.400 AND PUTTING IT INTO A NEEDLE 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:19.867 AND HE STARTED SAYING, COME ON, 00:14:19.967 --> 00:14:20.766 YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS, 00:14:20.866 --> 00:14:21.900 YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS. 00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:23.533 AND I WAS LIKE, NO, I'M GONNA SNORT THIS COCAINE. 00:14:23.633 --> 00:14:25.533 HE GOES, YOU'RE WASTING GOOD COCAINE. 00:14:25.633 --> 00:14:27.067 AND HE WOULD MAKE ME, YOU KNOW, 00:14:27.167 --> 00:14:29.533 YOU'VE GOT TO DO THIS. 00:14:29.633 --> 00:14:32.200 BUT THAT WAS A WAY TO NUMB. 00:14:32.300 --> 00:14:33.866 THAT WAS A WAY TO - 00:14:33.966 --> 00:14:35.134 REBECCA: MEDICATE. 00:14:35.234 --> 00:14:36.567 MICHELLE: YEAH, TO ESCAPE. 00:14:36.667 --> 00:14:39.800 AND I REMEMBER MAKING THE STATEMENT, 00:14:39.900 --> 00:14:43.967 I WILL NEVER BE SOBER ANOTHER DAY IN MY LIFE. 00:14:44.067 --> 00:14:45.200 AND IF I COULDN'T GET DRUGS, 00:14:45.300 --> 00:14:48.233 IF I COULDN'T GET THE MONEY TO GET HIGH, 00:14:48.333 --> 00:14:50.334 I WOULD GO STEAL A BOTTLE OF NYQUIL 00:14:50.434 --> 00:14:54.567 AND DRINK THE WHOLE BOTTLE JUST TO GO TO SLEEP. 00:14:54.667 --> 00:14:55.900 JUST TO ESCAPE. 00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:58.366 IF I COULDN'T GET ANYTHING ELSE, 00:14:58.466 --> 00:15:01.100 YOU KNOW, NOT THAT THAT HAPPENED OFTEN, 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:03.400 BUT I WAS SO DETERMINED 00:15:03.500 --> 00:15:07.533 TO NOT BE SOBER BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME. 00:15:07.633 --> 00:15:10.800 I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH WHAT MY LIFE HAD BECOME. 00:15:10.900 --> 00:15:17.267 AND SO, YOU KNOW, FAST-FORWARD, IF I COULD, 00:15:17.367 --> 00:15:19.133 I HAD MY FIRST CHILD. 00:15:19.233 --> 00:15:22.733 HIS GRANDMOTHER BEGAN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER. 00:15:22.833 --> 00:15:25.133 I WENT BACK, BUT THIS TIME 00:15:25.233 --> 00:15:27.467 WHEN I BACK TO PROSTITUTION, 00:15:27.567 --> 00:15:30.967 IT WAS IN A PROSTITUTION RING THAT HAD US 00:15:31.067 --> 00:15:34.867 GOING INTO THE HIGH-END HOTELS. 00:15:34.967 --> 00:15:39.367 IT WAS, YOU KNOW, THE CALL CENTER KIND OF PLACE. 00:15:39.467 --> 00:15:40.533 REBECCA: ESCORT? 00:15:40.633 --> 00:15:42.367 MICHELLE: ESCORT SERVICE. 00:15:42.467 --> 00:15:44.933 AND SO I WAS IN THAT FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS. 00:15:45.033 --> 00:15:46.267 SO I WOULD BE WORKING ALL NIGHT 00:15:46.367 --> 00:15:48.000 AND SLEEPING ALL DAY 00:15:48.100 --> 00:15:49.367 AND GETTING HIGH IN BETWEEN. 00:15:49.467 --> 00:15:50.167 GETTING HIGH TO GET READY 00:15:50.267 --> 00:15:52.733 TO GO BACK TO WORK. 00:15:52.833 --> 00:15:55.867 AND THAT BECAME MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT HOWEVER MANY YEARS. 00:15:55.967 --> 00:16:00.566 AND WE WENT TO WORK WITH AN ESCORT SERVICE, 00:16:00.666 --> 00:16:02.967 AND THE GUY CALLED HIMSELF CHARLIE'S ANGELS. 00:16:03.067 --> 00:16:04.067 HIS NAME WAS CHARLIE 00:16:04.167 --> 00:16:06.433 AND SO HE HAD ALL THESE ESCORTS. 00:16:06.533 --> 00:16:08.767 HE FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND KNEW WHERE 00:16:08.867 --> 00:16:09.967 TO GET THE DRUGS 00:16:10.067 --> 00:16:12.000 SO HE SAID I'M GONNA SUPPLY THE DRUGS, 00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:13.867 YOU GO GET 'EM FOR ME. 00:16:13.967 --> 00:16:15.467 AND HE STARTED PAYING HIM. 00:16:15.567 --> 00:16:21.867 AND SO WE WERE IN THREE DAYS OF GETTING HIGH NONSTOP, 00:16:21.967 --> 00:16:23.500 I MEAN, NOT STOPPING FOR FOOD, 00:16:23.600 --> 00:16:25.300 NOT STOPPING FOR SLEEP, 00:16:25.400 --> 00:16:27.400 JUST ON THIS THREE-DAY BINGE. 00:16:27.500 --> 00:16:31.367 AND SO WE WERE IN THAT, THAT THREE DAYS, 00:16:31.467 --> 00:16:34.667 AND HAD COME TO THE PLACE WHERE WE WERE LOSING, 00:16:34.767 --> 00:16:37.534 YOU KNOW, GOOD SENSE. 00:16:37.634 --> 00:16:39.233 REBECCA: YEAH. 00:16:39.333 --> 00:16:41.733 MICHELLE: AND I WAS ACTUALLY ON THE PHONE, 00:16:41.833 --> 00:16:44.200 I HAD CALLED TO CHECK ON MY KIDS. 00:16:44.300 --> 00:16:46.034 I WAS ON THE PHONE AND HE WAS IN THE BACKGROUND 00:16:46.134 --> 00:16:48.667 PULLING THE DRUGS UP 00:16:48.767 --> 00:16:52.100 AND GRANNY WAS LIKE KEEPING ME ON THE PHONE 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:53.967 TELLING ME, YOU KNOW, THINGS THAT THE KIDS 00:16:54.067 --> 00:16:55.100 HAD BEEN DOING, 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:57.066 SHE WAS GIVING THEM A BATH AND THINGS LIKE THAT. 00:16:57.166 --> 00:16:59.167 MY HEART WAS JUST LIKE, AWW. 00:16:59.267 --> 00:17:00.833 AND SO I GET OFF THE PHONE WITH HER, 00:17:00.933 --> 00:17:03.833 HE'S IN THE BACKGROUND, HURRY UP, HURRY UP. 00:17:03.933 --> 00:17:05.967 AND HE HAD PULLED UP HIS DRUGS AND MY DRUGS 00:17:06.067 --> 00:17:07.400 INTO ONE SYRINGE 00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:09.834 AND SAID WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE SYRINGES, 00:17:09.934 --> 00:17:11.167 BUT I'M GONNA USE THIS ONE. 00:17:11.267 --> 00:17:13.900 I'M GONNA PULL UP OURS TOGETHER 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:17.000 AND I'M GONNA PULL IT OUT HALFWAY. 00:17:17.100 --> 00:17:19.500 BUT HE WAS SO HIGH, HE FORGOT. 00:17:19.600 --> 00:17:22.266 AND I WAS SO HIGH, I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. 00:17:22.366 --> 00:17:26.100 AND HE PUT THAT WHOLE SYRINGE FULL OF DRUGS, 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:31.200 HIS AND MINE, INTO MY ARM AT THE SAME TIME. 00:17:31.300 --> 00:17:36.567 AND THE GUY WHO WAS THE ONE GETTING US ALL THESE DRUGS, 00:17:36.667 --> 00:17:39.867 WHEN HE SAW THAT I HAD STOPPED BREATHING, 00:17:39.967 --> 00:17:43.033 AND THAT I FELL BACK OVER ON THE BED DEAD, 00:17:43.133 --> 00:17:46.400 HE GRABBED THE DRUGS AND LEFT THE ROOM. 00:17:46.500 --> 00:17:50.700 AND LEFT MY HUSBAND THERE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO - 00:17:50.800 --> 00:17:52.166 HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO CPR. 00:17:52.266 --> 00:17:55.733 HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE. 00:17:55.833 --> 00:17:59.234 SO HE DRAGGED ME INTO THE SHOWER 00:17:59.334 --> 00:18:01.333 AND TURNED THE COLD WATER ON 00:18:01.433 --> 00:18:04.633 AND HELD ME UP WITH ONE ARM AGAINST THE WALL 00:18:04.733 --> 00:18:08.433 AND TOOK HIS FIST AND PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST 00:18:08.533 --> 00:18:13.100 UNTIL I STARTED TO BREATHE AGAIN. 00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:17.634 I DON'T REMEMBER, HE SAID IT TOOK ABOUT AN HOUR 00:18:17.734 --> 00:18:19.767 BEFORE I STARTED TALKING AGAIN. 00:18:19.867 --> 00:18:23.933 I DO REMEMBER HIM WITH HIS HEAD ABOVE MINE SAYING 00:18:24.033 --> 00:18:25.600 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 00:18:25.700 --> 00:18:27.300 DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS? 00:18:27.400 --> 00:18:29.434 DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? 00:18:29.534 --> 00:18:30.800 AND TRYING TO GET ME TO TALK TO HIM. 00:18:30.900 --> 00:18:33.466 AND I REMEMBER THINKING, I CAN'T TALK. 00:18:33.566 --> 00:18:37.367 WHEN I DID FINALLY FIND MY WORDS, 00:18:37.467 --> 00:18:39.966 I ASKED IF THERE WAS ANY MORE COCAINE. 00:18:40.066 --> 00:18:43.900 THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS IN MY LIFE. 00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:46.233 BUT THAT REALLY SHOOK HIM UP. 00:18:46.333 --> 00:18:47.933 EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T, 00:18:48.033 --> 00:18:49.034 I WASN'T SHOOK UP. 00:18:49.134 --> 00:18:51.200 I'M LIKE, I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY, 00:18:51.300 --> 00:18:52.233 HE'S LIKE, NO, YOU DIED. 00:18:52.333 --> 00:18:55.167 YOU DON'T REALIZE IT, YOU DIED. 00:18:55.267 --> 00:18:57.900 AND I JUST BARELY GOT YOU BACK TO LIFE. 00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:01.300 SO HE SAID WE'RE GONNA STOP DOING DRUGS FOR A WHILE. 00:19:01.400 --> 00:19:04.733 AND SO WE TRIED TO SETTLE DOWN 00:19:04.833 --> 00:19:06.400 AND GET THINGS SETTLED 00:19:06.500 --> 00:19:08.500 AND GET THINGS BACK. 00:19:08.600 --> 00:19:11.100 HE HAD BEEN RAISED IN A LOCKSMITH'S HOUSE, 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.566 SO HE KNEW HOW TO UNLOCK CARS, 00:19:13.666 --> 00:19:15.567 NOT GOOD FOR A THIEF AND A PERSON 00:19:15.667 --> 00:19:17.767 LIVING THE LIFE OF CRIME WE WERE LIVING, 00:19:17.867 --> 00:19:19.900 HE KNEW HOW TO UNLOCK ANYTHING. 00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:23.334 AND SO HE STARTED A LOCKSMITH SHOP. 00:19:23.434 --> 00:19:25.066 AND IT WAS DURING THAT TIME, 00:19:25.166 --> 00:19:26.934 I'M TRYING TO SETTLE DOWN, 00:19:27.034 --> 00:19:29.533 IT WAS DURING THAT TIME I BECAME PREGNANT 00:19:29.633 --> 00:19:32.167 WITH OUR SECOND CHILD. 00:19:32.267 --> 00:19:35.500 AND SO AGAIN, I WASN'T DOING HEAVY DRUGS. 00:19:35.600 --> 00:19:38.600 WE DID A LITTLE BIT OF POT AND, YOU KNOW, 00:19:38.700 --> 00:19:39.866 NOTHING SERIOUS 00:19:39.966 --> 00:19:42.667 DURING THAT TIME. 00:19:42.767 --> 00:19:44.534 BUT IT WAS AFTER I HAD HIM 00:19:44.634 --> 00:19:47.067 THAT SOMEBODY WAS CLEANING OUT THEIR SAFE 00:19:47.167 --> 00:19:49.633 AND THEY CAME ACROSS A BOTTLE OF PILLS 00:19:49.733 --> 00:19:52.533 THAT HAD BEEN GIVEN TO THEIR CANCER - 00:19:52.633 --> 00:19:54.833 THEIR HUSBAND WHO HAD DIED OF CANCER. 00:19:54.933 --> 00:19:56.600 IT WAS SOME OF THE MEDICATION THEY HAD 00:19:56.700 --> 00:19:58.400 GIVEN HIM FOR HIS CANCER 00:19:58.500 --> 00:19:59.833 FOR THE PAIN. 00:19:59.933 --> 00:20:01.100 AND IT WAS CALLED DILAUDID. 00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:03.700 IT'S KIND OF LIKE WHAT OXYCONTIN IS. 00:20:03.800 --> 00:20:06.500 AND THEY SAID MAYBE YOU CAN SELL THESE 00:20:06.600 --> 00:20:08.400 AND Y'ALL GET BACK ON YOUR FEET. 00:20:08.500 --> 00:20:11.400 BECAUSE WE WERE HAVING A LOT OF FINANCIAL TROUBLE. 00:20:11.500 --> 00:20:12.967 BUT HE DIDN'T SELL THEM. 00:20:13.067 --> 00:20:14.233 HE SOLD A FEW OF THEM, 00:20:14.333 --> 00:20:17.534 BUT WE ENDED UP STARTING TO TAKE THEM. 00:20:17.634 --> 00:20:18.600 AND WE WEREN'T TAKING THEM BY MOUTH, 00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:20.633 WE WERE SHOOTING THEM. 00:20:20.733 --> 00:20:23.633 AND THE MINUTE WE BEGAN TO MIX COCAINE WITH IT, 00:20:23.733 --> 00:20:28.500 AND SO WE HAD A FULL-BLOWN ADDICTION BACK IN PLAY, 00:20:28.600 --> 00:20:30.667 BUT THIS ONE WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE SERIOUS, 00:20:30.767 --> 00:20:34.767 BECAUSE DILAUDID IS A PHYSICALLY ADDICTIVE DRUG. 00:20:34.867 --> 00:20:38.267 AND SO THAT TOOK US BACK INTO A LIFE OF CRIME 00:20:38.367 --> 00:20:39.966 AND BACK INTO THE PROSTITUTION 00:20:40.066 --> 00:20:45.200 AND BACK INTO THAT DESTRUCTION. 00:20:45.300 --> 00:20:48.466 REBECCA: MAN. 00:20:48.566 --> 00:20:51.400 SO, YOU GUYS BOTH END UP BEING ADDICTED AGAIN. 00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:52.300 MICHELLE: YEAH. 00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.166 REBECCA: SO WHAT HAPPENS FROM THERE? 00:20:54.266 --> 00:20:58.100 MICHELLE: WELL, BECAUSE IT WAS A CONSTANT LIFESTYLE 00:20:58.200 --> 00:21:01.100 OF HAVING TO GET MORE MONEY 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:03.734 AND YOU CAN'T GET IT LEGALLY TO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING 00:21:03.834 --> 00:21:05.900 TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR, 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:09.566 AND SO I BEGAN TO REALIZE 00:21:09.666 --> 00:21:11.033 THAT HE WAS DOING THINGS AND GETTING MONEY 00:21:11.133 --> 00:21:13.133 WHILE I WAS AT THIS PROSTITUTION. 00:21:13.233 --> 00:21:15.200 I WENT BACK TO THE PROSTITUTION 00:21:15.300 --> 00:21:16.667 WITH WORKING ALL NIGHT. 00:21:16.767 --> 00:21:17.800 I WENT, HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT? 00:21:17.900 --> 00:21:19.500 HOW ARE YOU GETTING THIS MONEY? 00:21:19.600 --> 00:21:20.634 AND I BEGAN TO REALIZE, 00:21:20.734 --> 00:21:22.300 HE'S ROBBING STORES. 00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:23.333 I WAS ACTUALLY, 00:21:23.433 --> 00:21:24.434 WE WENT TO A COURT DATE 00:21:24.534 --> 00:21:25.700 AND WE'RE SITTING IN COURT 00:21:25.800 --> 00:21:28.034 AND I JUST WAS WALKING AROUND WAITING FOR A COURT DATE 00:21:28.134 --> 00:21:29.566 AND THEY HAD A WANTED POSTER, 00:21:29.666 --> 00:21:32.933 AND I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOSH, I KNOW THE MAN IN THE POSTER. 00:21:33.033 --> 00:21:35.833 I'M LIKE, YOU'RE DOING STUFF WHILE I'M - 00:21:35.933 --> 00:21:37.467 AND I WAS LIKE, THAT'S NOT FAIR. 00:21:37.567 --> 00:21:38.567 YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD BE GIVING ME YOUR MONEY 00:21:38.667 --> 00:21:40.233 BECAUSE YOU TAKE ALL MY MONEY. 00:21:40.333 --> 00:21:42.600 IT WAS CRAZY TALK BUT STILL. 00:21:42.700 --> 00:21:43.500 AND SO ONE DAY HE SAID, 00:21:43.600 --> 00:21:45.200 WELL, JUST GET IN THE CAR THEN. 00:21:45.300 --> 00:21:46.533 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE GONNA DO. 00:21:46.633 --> 00:21:48.133 WE GOT IN THE CAR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, 00:21:48.233 --> 00:21:50.634 WE'VE ROBBED THREE GAS STATIONS. 00:21:50.734 --> 00:21:53.434 AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET $50. 00:21:53.534 --> 00:21:56.933 THREE GAS STATIONS AND THE POLICE ARE PULLING US OVER 00:21:57.033 --> 00:22:00.566 AND WE'RE IN HANDCUFFS 00:22:00.666 --> 00:22:03.600 AND FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF TEN YEARS 00:22:03.700 --> 00:22:05.500 IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY OF TENNESSEE 00:22:05.600 --> 00:22:07.333 FOR THREE COUNTS OF ARMED ROBBERY. 00:22:07.433 --> 00:22:11.033 THEY CHARGED ME WITH ATTEMPTED ARMED ROBBERY. 00:22:11.133 --> 00:22:13.800 AND IT WAS DURING THAT TIME 00:22:13.900 --> 00:22:15.933 THAT HE REALLY BEGAN TO SAY, WAIT A MINUTE, 00:22:16.033 --> 00:22:18.867 WE'VE GOT TO CHANGE THE WAY WE'RE LIVING. 00:22:18.967 --> 00:22:25.167 YOU KNOW, AND AT THIS POINT I'M BEYOND THINKING RIGHT. 00:22:25.267 --> 00:22:27.200 I'VE JUST SO - 00:22:27.300 --> 00:22:30.966 I FEEL LIKE I'VE GONE SO FAR. 00:22:31.066 --> 00:22:32.333 HE'S WANTING ME TO CLEAN UP 00:22:32.433 --> 00:22:34.033 WHILE HE'S IN PRISON. 00:22:34.133 --> 00:22:37.366 LIKE WHAT AM I GONNA CLEAN UP TO? 00:22:37.466 --> 00:22:38.867 HOW AM I GONNA HAVE A STABLE LIFE 00:22:38.967 --> 00:22:40.733 AND TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS? 00:22:40.833 --> 00:22:42.000 I'VE NEVER GIVEN THEM A BATH. 00:22:42.100 --> 00:22:42.967 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 00:22:43.067 --> 00:22:44.700 I'VE NEVER BEEN THEIR MOM 00:22:44.800 --> 00:22:48.133 AND YOU WANT ME TO SUDDENLY BECOME SUZY HOMEMAKER 00:22:48.233 --> 00:22:49.733 BECAUSE YOU'RE IN JAIL. 00:22:49.833 --> 00:22:51.100 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? 00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:52.934 THIS IS ALL I'VE KNOWN SINCE I RAN AWAY 00:22:53.034 --> 00:22:55.200 FROM HOME AT 15. 00:22:55.300 --> 00:22:56.833 REBECCA: HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THIS POINT? 00:22:56.933 --> 00:22:58.034 MICHELLE: WE WERE 23. 00:22:58.134 --> 00:22:59.333 REBECCA: OKAY. 00:22:59.433 --> 00:23:02.067 MICHELLE: AND SO HE WAS, HE WAS INTERESTED, 00:23:02.167 --> 00:23:04.234 HE SAID I'M GONNA PLEAD GUILTY 00:23:04.334 --> 00:23:06.000 IF THEY'LL DROP THE CHARGES AGAINST YOU 00:23:06.100 --> 00:23:09.600 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT US BOTH IN PRISON. 00:23:09.700 --> 00:23:11.800 AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD COMMITTED 00:23:11.900 --> 00:23:15.066 THE ARMED ROBBERIES, I WAS IN THE CAR. 00:23:15.166 --> 00:23:16.267 AND I WASN'T EVEN THE DRIVER. 00:23:16.367 --> 00:23:18.300 I WAS JUST IN THE CAR. 00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:21.834 SO THEY DID, WE WERE GOING TO COURT 00:23:21.934 --> 00:23:24.067 AND THE DAY BEFORE WE WENT TO COURT, 00:23:24.167 --> 00:23:28.100 HIS GRANDMOTHER CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO CHURCH. 00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:30.167 AND HE SAID I'M GONNA GO TO CHURCH WITH GRANNY. 00:23:30.267 --> 00:23:31.267 COME ON AND GO WITH ME. 00:23:31.367 --> 00:23:33.500 I SAID I'M NOT GOING TO CHURCH, 00:23:33.600 --> 00:23:34.967 THE WALLS WILL CAVE IN, 00:23:35.067 --> 00:23:36.300 THE LIGHTNING WILL STRIKE. 00:23:36.400 --> 00:23:38.033 WHAT DO YOU MEAN GO TO CHURCH? 00:23:38.133 --> 00:23:40.833 HOW CAN I GO TO CHURCH? 00:23:40.933 --> 00:23:43.433 AND ALL I COULD THINK OF IS HOW MUCH GOD HATED ME, 00:23:43.533 --> 00:23:46.267 WHY WOULD I WANT TO EVEN TRY TO GO TO CHURCH, 00:23:46.367 --> 00:23:49.000 JUST FOR GOD TO LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH HE HATES ME? 00:23:49.100 --> 00:23:50.933 REBECCA: WHY DID YOU THINK GOD HATED YOU? 00:23:51.033 --> 00:23:52.566 MICHELLE: I HATED ME. 00:23:52.666 --> 00:23:54.467 LOOK AT ALL THAT I HAD DONE. 00:23:54.567 --> 00:23:57.334 LOOK AT ALL THE FAILURES IN MY LIFE. 00:23:57.434 --> 00:23:59.967 I FELT SO DIRTY. 00:24:00.067 --> 00:24:05.034 I FELT SO MISERABLE, 00:24:05.134 --> 00:24:07.500 HOW COULD GOD EVER LOVE ME? 00:24:07.600 --> 00:24:09.300 AND I HAD NO CLUE. 00:24:09.400 --> 00:24:11.266 AND SO HE WENT TO CHURCH. 00:24:11.366 --> 00:24:14.066 AND HE GAVE HIS LIFE TO JESUS. 00:24:14.166 --> 00:24:17.133 AND HE CAME HOME AND THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT HIM 00:24:17.233 --> 00:24:18.167 THAT WAS SO DIFFERENT. 00:24:18.267 --> 00:24:20.534 HE CAME IN THE HOUSE AND OF COURSE OUR KIDS 00:24:20.634 --> 00:24:22.500 WENT TO CHURCH THERE 00:24:22.600 --> 00:24:24.633 AND HE WENT WITH GRANNY AND THE KIDS 00:24:24.733 --> 00:24:26.867 AND THEY CAME BACK AND THEY WERE ALL BUBBLY 00:24:26.967 --> 00:24:29.167 AND JUMPING AND SINGING, WOO, WOO. 00:24:29.267 --> 00:24:30.433 AND I'M LIKE, WHAT HAPPENED? 00:24:30.533 --> 00:24:31.267 WELL, DADDY GOT SAVED. 00:24:31.367 --> 00:24:32.566 DADDY GOT SAVED. 00:24:32.666 --> 00:24:34.766 I DID NOT KNOW THAT MY KIDS 00:24:34.866 --> 00:24:37.634 HAD BEEN HAVING THEIR SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHERS 00:24:37.734 --> 00:24:40.733 PRAY FOR US TO GET SAVED. 00:24:40.833 --> 00:24:42.767 I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY WERE GOING TO CHURCH 00:24:42.867 --> 00:24:45.833 AND PUTTING A PRAYER REQUEST IN FOR US 00:24:45.933 --> 00:24:48.700 TO COME TO KNOW JESUS. 00:24:48.800 --> 00:24:51.733 AND SO THEY WERE SO EXCITED. 00:24:51.833 --> 00:24:54.100 AND HE WANTED ME TO READ THE BIBLE TO HIM. 00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:55.800 HE COULDN'T READ. 00:24:55.900 --> 00:24:58.234 AND SO HE WAS LIKE, HERE, HERE, READ THIS TO ME. 00:24:58.334 --> 00:24:59.300 READ THIS TO ME. 00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:00.300 AND I'M READING IT TO HIM, 00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:02.700 ROLLING MY EYES WITH MY ATTITUDE, 00:25:02.800 --> 00:25:06.934 LIKE, WHY AM I READING THE BIBLE TO YOU? 00:25:07.034 --> 00:25:09.300 AND SOMEONE HAD GIVEN HIM A CHRISTIAN MUSIC TAPE 00:25:09.400 --> 00:25:10.767 AND HE WAS LISTENING TO IT 00:25:10.867 --> 00:25:13.134 AND LIKE THAT'S REALLY GOOD, I LIKE IT. 00:25:13.234 --> 00:25:16.333 AND I'M LIKE, OH, PLEASE. 00:25:16.433 --> 00:25:18.033 I COULDN'T SEE WHAT WAS SO DIFFERENT. 00:25:18.133 --> 00:25:19.434 HE WAS ASKING HIS GRANDMOTHER 00:25:19.534 --> 00:25:21.734 QUESTIONS ABOUT GOD 00:25:21.834 --> 00:25:23.766 AND ABOUT THE THINGS OF GOD. 00:25:23.866 --> 00:25:25.933 AND I HAD NO IDEA. 00:25:26.033 --> 00:25:28.666 WE WERE FACING THE JUDGE THE NEXT DAY 00:25:28.766 --> 00:25:30.334 AND WE WENT INTO THE COURT 00:25:30.434 --> 00:25:35.500 AND BEFORE THE COURT, BEFORE THEY OPENED UP THE COURT, 00:25:35.600 --> 00:25:38.733 A FRIEND OF HIS CAME TO THE COURTHOUSE AND SAID, 00:25:38.833 --> 00:25:41.934 HEY, AND TOOK HIM INTO THE BATHROOM AND SAID, 00:25:42.034 --> 00:25:44.967 I'VE GOT THIS PLASTIC PATCH. 00:25:45.067 --> 00:25:48.067 IT'S A MORPHINE PATCH 00:25:48.167 --> 00:25:52.567 AND IF THEY TAKE YOU INTO PRISON TODAY FOR PROCESSING, 00:25:52.667 --> 00:25:55.933 YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH THE FIRST THREE DAYS. 00:25:56.033 --> 00:26:00.200 HE DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT WAS GONNA, 00:26:00.300 --> 00:26:02.334 WHAT THAT ENTAILED. 00:26:02.434 --> 00:26:05.567 I BELIEVE THAT WHAT HE HAD DONE THE DAY BEFORE, 00:26:05.667 --> 00:26:07.600 IN ACCEPTING JESUS AS HIS LORD, 00:26:07.700 --> 00:26:11.033 I BELIEVE THAT IT HAD REALLY CHANGED HIM 00:26:11.133 --> 00:26:12.700 BUT HE WAS STILL, 00:26:12.800 --> 00:26:14.234 HIS MIND WASN'T RENEWED. 00:26:14.334 --> 00:26:17.834 HE DIDN'T HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE TO LIVE BY. 00:26:17.934 --> 00:26:18.900 AND SO - 00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:19.966 REBECCA: HE DID IT INNOCENTLY. 00:26:20.066 --> 00:26:21.267 HE DIDN'T THINK HE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG. 00:26:21.367 --> 00:26:22.666 MICHELLE: RIGHT. 00:26:22.766 --> 00:26:24.433 AND THEY PUT THAT PATCH ON HIM. 00:26:24.533 --> 00:26:26.200 REBECCA: AND THAT WAS TO HELP HIM WITH THE TRANSITION 00:26:26.300 --> 00:26:28.200 INTO PRISON BECAUSE HE WAS ON DRUGS. 00:26:28.300 --> 00:26:29.133 MICHELLE: YEAH, HE'LL JUST SLEEP. 00:26:29.233 --> 00:26:31.034 HE'LL JUST SLEEP FOR A FEW DAYS, YEAH. 00:26:31.134 --> 00:26:33.667 AND SO HE SAID - 00:26:33.767 --> 00:26:36.367 IT WAS PLASTIC LIKE A MORPHINE PATCH, 00:26:36.467 --> 00:26:37.800 I MEAN LIKE A NICOTINE PATCH, 00:26:37.900 --> 00:26:40.700 BUT IT WAS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A PIECE OF PAPER. 00:26:40.800 --> 00:26:43.667 AND IT WENT ACROSS HIS BACK. 00:26:43.767 --> 00:26:45.400 AND HE WAS SO HIGH THAT NIGHT. 00:26:45.500 --> 00:26:46.600 I HAD NEVER SEEN - 00:26:46.700 --> 00:26:48.533 I'D BEEN DOING DRUGS WITH HIM FOR EIGHT YEARS 00:26:48.633 --> 00:26:52.500 AND I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM THAT HIGH. 00:26:52.600 --> 00:26:55.500 AND I WAS MAD BECAUSE HE WAS HIGH AND I WASN'T. 00:26:55.600 --> 00:26:56.733 AND I'M LIKE, THIS ISN'T FAIR. 00:26:56.833 --> 00:26:58.834 HE'S LIKE, TOMORROW, I'LL TAKE YOU TOMORROW. 00:26:58.934 --> 00:27:02.067 SO THAT NIGHT, YOU KNOW, WE GO TO SLEEP. 00:27:02.167 --> 00:27:03.167 HE'S SLEEPING. 00:27:03.267 --> 00:27:04.900 I GET UP IN THE MORNING 00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:07.300 AND I'M READY FOR HIM TO TAKE ME. 00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:10.800 AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE NOISE, 00:27:10.900 --> 00:27:12.267 AND SO I'M UP, I'M DRESSED, 00:27:12.367 --> 00:27:14.100 I'M WALKING AROUND. 00:27:14.200 --> 00:27:16.467 AND I'M LIKE, OKAY, OUR LITTLE BOY, 00:27:16.567 --> 00:27:18.500 WE WERE THERE AT GRANNY'S HOUSE, 00:27:18.600 --> 00:27:20.400 OUR LITTLE BOY CAME IN 00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:21.967 AND HE'S GOT HIS LITTLE PLAY GUITAR 00:27:22.067 --> 00:27:26.733 AND HE'S SITTING ON THE FLOOR PLAYING ROCKY TOP LOUD. 00:27:26.833 --> 00:27:28.933 I'M THINKING THAT WILL WAKE HIM UP, COME ON. 00:27:29.033 --> 00:27:31.134 I'M VACUUMING THE FLOOR TRYING TO WAKE HIM UP. 00:27:31.234 --> 00:27:32.933 AND I TURNED THE VACUUM OFF AND I TURNED 00:27:33.033 --> 00:27:34.134 AND LOOKED AT THE BED 00:27:34.234 --> 00:27:37.467 AND I REALIZED HE'S NOT EVEN BREATHING. 00:27:37.567 --> 00:27:38.700 HE HAD BEEN SNORING, 00:27:38.800 --> 00:27:41.034 AND I'D NEVER HEARD HIM SNORE. 00:27:41.134 --> 00:27:42.534 I THOUGHT IT WAS SNORING. 00:27:42.634 --> 00:27:44.467 REBECCA: YEAH. 00:27:44.567 --> 00:27:49.200 MICHELLE: WHEN I REALIZED THAT HE WASN'T BREATHING, 00:27:49.300 --> 00:27:50.766 I BEGAN TO SCREAM FOR HIS GRANDMOTHER 00:27:50.866 --> 00:27:52.967 TO CALL 911. 00:27:53.067 --> 00:27:55.866 I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO CPR. 00:27:55.966 --> 00:27:59.167 AND I STARTED TRYING TO PUSH ON HIM IN THE BED, 00:27:59.267 --> 00:28:02.966 BUT THE BED WAS SO SOFT, IT WASN'T HELPING. 00:28:03.066 --> 00:28:04.700 SO I WAS GONNA TRY TO PULL HIM OFF THE BED, 00:28:04.800 --> 00:28:06.134 BUT HE WAS SWEATY. 00:28:06.234 --> 00:28:07.267 HE HAD BEEN SWEATING 00:28:07.367 --> 00:28:09.700 SO HE WAS ALL TANGLED UP IN THE BED. 00:28:09.800 --> 00:28:12.400 AND I COULDN'T PULL HIM OFF THE BED. 00:28:12.500 --> 00:28:14.667 AND THANKFULLY, WE WERE JUST DOWN THE STREET 00:28:14.767 --> 00:28:16.034 FROM THE FIRE DEPARTMENT 00:28:16.134 --> 00:28:18.600 SO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT WAS THERE QUICKLY. 00:28:18.700 --> 00:28:20.533 AND THEY CAME IN AND TOOK HIM OFF THE BED 00:28:20.633 --> 00:28:24.367 AND BEGAN TO DO THE CHEST COMPRESSIONS 00:28:24.467 --> 00:28:26.234 TO TRY TO BRING HIM BACK. 00:28:26.334 --> 00:28:27.234 AND I'M SITTING THERE THINKING, 00:28:27.334 --> 00:28:28.566 THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. 00:28:28.666 --> 00:28:30.400 WHAT IS HAPPENING? 00:28:30.500 --> 00:28:32.100 AND THEY GET HIM IN THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE 00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:33.467 THEY PUT ME IN THE FRONT, 00:28:33.567 --> 00:28:35.667 WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. 00:28:35.767 --> 00:28:38.800 AND THEY'RE STILL TRYING TO REVIVE HIM. 00:28:38.900 --> 00:28:40.000 WE GET INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM 00:28:40.066 --> 00:28:42.833 AND THEY TAKE ME INTO A SEPARATE PLACE 00:28:42.933 --> 00:28:44.900 AND THEY FINALLY COME BACK IN AND SAY, 00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:50.300 WE DID MANAGE TO GET HIM RESUSCITATED. 00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:53.466 AND SO I THOUGHT, OH, GOOD, IT'S OVER. 00:28:53.566 --> 00:28:56.433 BUT THEY'VE GOT US IN THIS SPECIAL ROOM 00:28:56.533 --> 00:28:58.633 AND THE OTHER FAMILY IS THERE BY NOW 00:28:58.733 --> 00:29:02.300 AND I'M THINKING, DOESN'T THAT MEAN IT'S ALL BETTER? 00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:05.600 AND THEY BROUGHT A SPECIAL PERSON IN TO TALK TO US. 00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:07.333 AND HIS MOTHER BY THEN IS SITTING THERE AND SHE GOES, 00:29:07.433 --> 00:29:09.567 SINCE YOU HAVE HIM RESUSCITATED, 00:29:09.667 --> 00:29:11.834 ISN'T IT GONNA BE OKAY? 00:29:11.934 --> 00:29:14.400 AND THEY BEGAN TO EXPLAIN 00:29:14.500 --> 00:29:17.200 THAT MORPHINE HAD ALL RELEASED 00:29:17.300 --> 00:29:20.567 THREE DAYS WORTH OF MORPHINE IN 24 HOURS. 00:29:20.667 --> 00:29:23.100 AND SO THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT HIS DIAPHRAGM 00:29:23.200 --> 00:29:25.667 HAD PARALYZED AND HE WASN'T BREATHING 00:29:25.767 --> 00:29:28.100 THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. 00:29:28.200 --> 00:29:33.100 AND HE DIDN'T GET SUFFICIENT OXYGEN. 00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:34.800 AND WHAT I THOUGHT WAS SNORING 00:29:34.900 --> 00:29:36.433 WAS REALLY AGONAL BREATHING, 00:29:36.533 --> 00:29:40.600 WHICH IS THE LAST KIND OF BREATHING BEFORE SOMEONE PASSES. 00:29:40.700 --> 00:29:45.833 AND THEY SAID HE'S BEEN WITHOUT OXYGEN FOR SO LONG 00:29:45.933 --> 00:29:48.667 THAT HIS BRAIN IS SWELLING. 00:29:48.767 --> 00:29:51.167 AND WE BEGAN TO SEE AS WE WOULD SIT 00:29:51.267 --> 00:29:53.934 BECAUSE HE WAS IN ICU AND WE WOULD GO IN 00:29:54.034 --> 00:30:00.433 AND WE COULD REALIZE, YOU COULD SEE THE BRAIN SWELLING. 00:30:00.533 --> 00:30:05.000 MY LIFE THAT WAS ALREADY OUT OF CONTROL 00:30:05.100 --> 00:30:07.933 WAS UNRAVELING AROUND ME. 00:30:08.033 --> 00:30:12.600 AND I KNOW HE WAS THE MAN WHO PROSTITUTED ME, 00:30:12.700 --> 00:30:16.300 BUT HE WAS ALL I KNEW AND I LOVED HIM. 00:30:16.400 --> 00:30:18.633 HE WAS THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN. 00:30:18.733 --> 00:30:20.633 AND HE HAD BEEN THE ONE WHO TOLD ME WHAT TO DO 00:30:20.733 --> 00:30:22.567 EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS. 00:30:22.667 --> 00:30:24.300 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE 00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:26.200 IF HE WASN'T THERE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 00:30:26.300 --> 00:30:29.867 I REMEMBER, THEY HAD LEFT ME ALONE IN THE BED, 00:30:29.967 --> 00:30:31.000 IN THE ROOM WITH HIM AND I SAID, 00:30:31.100 --> 00:30:32.333 WHAT DO I DO? 00:30:32.433 --> 00:30:34.500 WHAT DO I DO NOW? 00:30:34.600 --> 00:30:36.366 AND I WAS IN THE POSITION OF TRYING TO 00:30:36.466 --> 00:30:38.067 MAKE THE DECISION WHAT TO DO, 00:30:38.167 --> 00:30:39.166 BECAUSE THE DOCTORS SAID 00:30:39.266 --> 00:30:41.567 WE'VE GOT TO TAKE HIM OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT. 00:30:41.667 --> 00:30:44.400 HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THESE MACHINES. 00:30:44.500 --> 00:30:46.433 AND THE FAMILY, I WAITED FOR THEM TO AGREE, 00:30:46.533 --> 00:30:48.967 BUT DURING THIS WHOLE TIME, 00:30:49.067 --> 00:30:50.767 IT WAS A NUMBER OF DAYS, LIKE THREE DAYS, 00:30:50.867 --> 00:30:53.233 THAT WE HAD HIM ON THE MACHINES. 00:30:53.333 --> 00:30:56.334 PEOPLE BEGAN TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL 00:30:56.434 --> 00:30:58.400 AND BRING ME DRUGS. 00:30:58.500 --> 00:31:00.600 I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO CALL ANYBODY AND ASK THEM FOR IT, 00:31:00.700 --> 00:31:02.333 THEY JUST SHOWED UP WITH NEEDLES 00:31:02.433 --> 00:31:03.700 AND SHOWED UP WITH PILLS 00:31:03.800 --> 00:31:06.234 AND SHOWED UP WITH COCAINE. 00:31:06.334 --> 00:31:11.167 AND THE PERSON WHO HAD PRAYED WITH HIM AT CHURCH 00:31:11.267 --> 00:31:14.233 THE DAY BEFORE OUR COURT APPEARANCE, 00:31:14.333 --> 00:31:17.800 CAME UP TO THE HOSPITAL AND WANTED TO PRAY WITH ME. 00:31:17.900 --> 00:31:21.600 AND HE TALKED ME INTO GOING DOWN TO THE CHAPEL. 00:31:21.700 --> 00:31:24.167 AND I HAD COCAINE IN MY POCKET 00:31:24.267 --> 00:31:25.866 AND I HAD A SYRINGE IN MY SHOE 00:31:25.966 --> 00:31:28.434 AND ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS I'VE GOT TO HURRY UP 00:31:28.534 --> 00:31:32.067 AND DO THESE DRUGS SO I DON'T GET CAUGHT WITH THEM. 00:31:32.167 --> 00:31:35.633 AND HE WOULDN'T LET ME HURRY. 00:31:35.733 --> 00:31:38.633 HE WOULDN'T LET ME GIVE HIM A YES OR A NO ANSWER. 00:31:38.733 --> 00:31:40.967 HE WOULDN'T LET ME JUST, YOU KNOW, SLOUGH HIM OFF 00:31:41.067 --> 00:31:44.034 AND SAY, YES, OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING. 00:31:44.134 --> 00:31:46.467 HE WOULD NOT - 00:31:46.567 --> 00:31:49.067 HE WASN'T TELLING ME THE GOSPEL, 00:31:49.167 --> 00:31:52.467 HE WAS MAKING ME RESPOND WITH A QUESTION, 00:31:52.567 --> 00:31:54.833 WITH A SENTENCE TO HIS QUESTION. 00:31:54.933 --> 00:31:56.133 IT COULDN'T BE YES, I KNOW THAT, 00:31:56.233 --> 00:31:58.500 YEAH, OKAY, I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE. 00:31:58.600 --> 00:32:00.133 BUT HE WOULD MAKE IT LIKE, 00:32:00.233 --> 00:32:02.567 DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT JESUS CHRIST 00:32:02.667 --> 00:32:05.134 DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU? 00:32:05.234 --> 00:32:08.200 THAT IF YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE EARTH, 00:32:08.300 --> 00:32:10.667 THAT JESUS WOULD STILL GO TO THE CROSS 00:32:10.767 --> 00:32:12.566 AND HE WOULD HANG ON THE CROSS 00:32:12.666 --> 00:32:14.800 AND HE WOULD PAY THE PRICE 00:32:14.900 --> 00:32:17.466 AND HE WOULD PAY THE DEBT FOR YOUR SIN, 00:32:17.566 --> 00:32:19.733 WHATEVER SINS YOU'VE COMMITTED, 00:32:19.833 --> 00:32:22.800 HE WOULD PAY THOSE SIN DEBTS 00:32:22.900 --> 00:32:25.333 SO THAT YOU COULD LIVE WITH HIM. 00:32:25.433 --> 00:32:27.466 HE MADE IT SO PERSONAL. 00:32:27.566 --> 00:32:30.700 I'D NEVER, EVEN THOUGH I LIVED IN THE BIBLE BELT, 00:32:30.800 --> 00:32:34.200 THE BUCKLE OF THE BIBLE BELT OF AMERICA, 00:32:34.300 --> 00:32:37.433 I HAD NEVER HEARD THE GOSPEL IN A WAY 00:32:37.533 --> 00:32:39.534 THAT I TOOK IT PERSONAL. 00:32:39.634 --> 00:32:41.166 AND THERE WAS A LITTLE GLIMMER, 00:32:41.266 --> 00:32:46.067 JUST A LITTLE TINY SHRIVEL OF HOPE. 00:32:46.167 --> 00:32:48.067 A SHRED. 00:32:48.167 --> 00:32:49.934 IF GOD COULD HELP ME, 00:32:50.034 --> 00:32:52.766 I NEED HIS HELP. 00:32:52.866 --> 00:32:56.866 AND I PRAYED WITH HIM THAT DAY. 00:32:56.966 --> 00:32:59.700 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS PRAYING 00:32:59.800 --> 00:33:02.500 OTHER THAN I'M PRAYING THAT IF GOD COULD HELP ME 00:33:02.600 --> 00:33:04.766 I WANT HIS HELP. 00:33:04.866 --> 00:33:06.067 AND THAT'S WHAT I OPENED WITH, 00:33:06.167 --> 00:33:07.067 THAT'S WHAT I HAD FAITH FOR, 00:33:07.167 --> 00:33:09.833 THAT'S WHAT I OPENED MY HEART TO. 00:33:09.933 --> 00:33:11.734 I WENT DOWN TO DO THE DRUGS 00:33:11.834 --> 00:33:13.900 IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM BATHROOM, 00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.200 I COULDN'T FEEL A THING. 00:33:16.300 --> 00:33:17.700 IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY AFFECT ON ME. 00:33:17.800 --> 00:33:21.033 I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I WAS A NEW CREATURE. 00:33:21.133 --> 00:33:21.967 REBECCA: SUPERNATURAL. 00:33:22.067 --> 00:33:22.667 MICHELLE: YEAH, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT 00:33:22.767 --> 00:33:23.667 SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED. 00:33:23.767 --> 00:33:24.800 I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT GOD HAD JUST BECOME 00:33:24.900 --> 00:33:27.933 INVOLVED IN MY SITUATION. 00:33:28.033 --> 00:33:31.167 IN THAT LACK OF KNOWLEDGE, 00:33:31.267 --> 00:33:34.100 IT WAS EASY FOR THE ENEMY TO PULL ME RIGHT BACK IN. 00:33:34.200 --> 00:33:35.966 YOU KNOW, THE FAMILY MADE THE DECISION 00:33:36.066 --> 00:33:39.667 TO PULL THE LIFESAVING INSTRUMENTS OFF OF HIM 00:33:39.767 --> 00:33:42.467 AND HE PASSED. 00:33:42.567 --> 00:33:47.967 I DON'T REMEMBER TELLING MY CHILDREN, 00:33:48.067 --> 00:33:51.933 I DON'T REMEMBER HOW THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. 00:33:52.033 --> 00:33:56.334 THE FUNERAL WAS JUST A BLUR. 00:33:56.434 --> 00:33:59.400 THEY ALMOST THREW ME OUT OF MY OWN HUSBAND'S FUNERAL 00:33:59.500 --> 00:34:02.166 BECAUSE I WAS SO OUT OF IT. 00:34:02.266 --> 00:34:06.567 IN THAT, I ENDED UP BACK IN A PLACE 00:34:06.667 --> 00:34:13.034 OF JUST HOMELESSNESS, DRUGS. 00:34:13.134 --> 00:34:15.134 I WENT BACK TO THE ONLY THING I KNEW 00:34:15.234 --> 00:34:16.567 AND I WENT BACK TO THE ONLY PEOPLE 00:34:16.667 --> 00:34:19.700 WHO I HAD BEEN AROUND. 00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:22.867 AND I WAS IN THE BACK OF A BAR 00:34:22.967 --> 00:34:25.933 IN EAST NASHVILLE, THE PROJECTS OF EAST NASHVILLE, 00:34:26.033 --> 00:34:28.500 AND I WAS DOING DRUGS. 00:34:28.600 --> 00:34:31.667 I WAS DOING COCAINE NONSTOP, 00:34:31.767 --> 00:34:34.300 AGAIN THREE DAYS, NO FOOD. 00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:36.267 JUST BARELY ENOUGH WATER TO KEEP ME ALIVE. 00:34:36.367 --> 00:34:38.466 NO SLEEP. 00:34:38.566 --> 00:34:39.900 AND I COULDN'T FEEL IT ANYMORE 00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:42.066 SO I KEPT PUTTING MORE IN, MORE IN. 00:34:42.166 --> 00:34:45.600 I NEED MORE. 00:34:45.700 --> 00:34:49.000 AND I PUT THE DRUGS IN THE SYRINGE, 00:34:49.100 --> 00:34:51.767 PUT THE SYRINGE IN MY ARM, 00:34:51.867 --> 00:34:54.067 BUT THIS TIME I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME 00:34:54.167 --> 00:34:55.600 TO PULL THE SYRINGE OUT OF MY ARM 00:34:55.700 --> 00:35:00.167 WHEN I DIED. 00:35:00.267 --> 00:35:02.600 IT WAS SO DIFFERENT FROM THE OVERDOSE 00:35:02.700 --> 00:35:05.700 THAT I HAD HAD BEFORE. 00:35:05.800 --> 00:35:12.067 AND I STOOD IN FRONT OF A SKULL. 00:35:12.167 --> 00:35:15.700 IN THAT MOMENT, I WAS MORE CLEAR-HEADED 00:35:15.800 --> 00:35:17.500 THAN I HAD BEEN. 00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:20.933 IT WAS LIKE I COULD THINK 00:35:21.033 --> 00:35:22.700 A WHOLE LOT OF THOUGHTS IN ONE MOMENT 00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:24.000 AND COME TO A CONCLUSION. 00:35:24.100 --> 00:35:27.134 I COULD SEE EVERYTHING AND I REALIZED 00:35:27.234 --> 00:35:28.667 HELL IS REAL. 00:35:28.767 --> 00:35:33.733 THAT WAS MY FIRST REAL COMPREHENSION. 00:35:33.833 --> 00:35:35.167 BEFORE THAT TIME, 00:35:35.267 --> 00:35:38.934 I HAD AN IDEA OF WHAT I THOUGHT HELL WOULD BE LIKE. 00:35:39.034 --> 00:35:41.167 I THOUGHT I HAD NO OTHER OPTION 00:35:41.267 --> 00:35:42.800 THAN TO GO TO HELL. 00:35:42.900 --> 00:35:45.167 BUT IN THAT MOMENT, 00:35:45.267 --> 00:35:48.800 IT WAS SUCH A REALITY THAT HELL WAS REAL 00:35:48.900 --> 00:35:50.966 AND I DON'T WANT TO GO. 00:35:51.066 --> 00:35:53.567 THE FEAR OF IT, THE TORMENT, 00:35:53.667 --> 00:35:56.934 EVERYTHING, IT WAS LIKE I COMPREHENDED ALL OF IT. 00:35:57.034 --> 00:35:58.500 AND IN THAT MOMENT, 00:35:58.600 --> 00:36:00.934 THESE HANDS CAME OUT OF THE DARKNESS. 00:36:01.034 --> 00:36:02.100 THEY WEREN'T BLACK HANDS. 00:36:02.200 --> 00:36:05.100 IT WAS AS IF DARKNESS HAD HANDS 00:36:05.200 --> 00:36:07.366 AND BEGAN TO REACH FOR ME. 00:36:07.466 --> 00:36:11.567 AND WHEN THEY DID, I TURNED AND RAN BACK TO MY BODY. 00:36:11.667 --> 00:36:13.733 THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN IT. 00:36:13.833 --> 00:36:15.867 I KNEW I'VE GOT TO RUN BACK. 00:36:15.967 --> 00:36:18.234 AND I RAN BACK INTO MY BODY. 00:36:18.334 --> 00:36:21.367 AND THE PERSON WHO WAS DOING CPR THIS TIME ON ME 00:36:21.467 --> 00:36:24.200 SAID ONE MINUTE THEY WERE TRYING TO GET A PULSE 00:36:24.300 --> 00:36:25.700 AND THE NEXT MINUTE THEY'RE FIGHTING 00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:27.800 THIS CRAZED GIRL. 00:36:27.900 --> 00:36:29.634 AND WHEN THEY LET ME UP, 00:36:29.734 --> 00:36:31.267 I GOT UP AND KEPT RUNNING. 00:36:31.367 --> 00:36:33.667 AND I RAN THROUGH THE RAIN IN THE PROJECTS 00:36:33.767 --> 00:36:37.233 FOR ABOUT TWO BLOCKS BEFORE I CAME TO MYSELF. 00:36:37.333 --> 00:36:38.800 AND REALIZED I WAS BACK IN MY BODY. 00:36:38.900 --> 00:36:41.500 THAT'S HOW REAL IT WAS. 00:36:41.600 --> 00:36:42.634 REBECCA: AND THAT WAS HOW DESPERATE YOU WERE 00:36:42.734 --> 00:36:43.567 TO GET AWAY FROM IT. 00:36:43.667 --> 00:36:44.666 MICHELLE: YES, YES. 00:36:44.766 --> 00:36:45.766 REBECCA: THAT WHEN YOU CAME TO, 00:36:45.866 --> 00:36:47.234 YOU KEPT RUNNING FOR A WHILE. 00:36:47.334 --> 00:36:48.067 MICHELLE: YES. 00:36:48.167 --> 00:36:49.866 REBECCA: IN THE POURING RAIN. 00:36:49.966 --> 00:36:51.234 SO THE FIRST TIME YOU OD'D, 00:36:51.334 --> 00:36:54.166 YOU DIDN'T REALLY RECALL ANYTHING? 00:36:54.266 --> 00:36:55.367 MICHELLE: NOTHING. 00:36:55.467 --> 00:36:57.000 REBECCA: BUT THE MOMENT THE NEEDLE WENT INTO YOUR ARM 00:36:57.100 --> 00:36:58.533 YOU WERE IMMEDIATELY THERE 00:36:58.633 --> 00:37:01.267 AND YOU HAD YOUR FULL PROCESSING CAPACITY. 00:37:01.367 --> 00:37:02.367 MICHELLE: YES. 00:37:02.467 --> 00:37:05.167 REBECCA: AND YOU JUST FELT FEAR AND IT WAS DARK 00:37:05.267 --> 00:37:06.600 AND THERE WAS A SKULL. 00:37:06.700 --> 00:37:07.866 SO YOU DIDN'T GO IN. 00:37:07.966 --> 00:37:09.033 MICHELLE: I DID NOT GO IN. 00:37:09.133 --> 00:37:10.633 REBECCA: IT TRIED TO DRAG YOU IN AND YOU RAN BACK. 00:37:10.733 --> 00:37:12.534 MICHELLE: I RAN BACK. 00:37:12.634 --> 00:37:15.434 YEAH, THE CLARITY IN THAT MOMENT - 00:37:15.534 --> 00:37:16.833 REBECCA: DO YOU THINK THAT WAS LIKE THE GRACE OF GOD 00:37:16.933 --> 00:37:19.033 EVEN TO JUST LET YOU EXPERIENCE THAT MOMENT 00:37:19.133 --> 00:37:20.933 AND TO HAVE THAT CLARITY AND GIVE YOU THE ABILITY 00:37:21.033 --> 00:37:22.600 TO RUN BACK, 00:37:22.700 --> 00:37:24.400 LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT TO WALK INTO HELL? 00:37:24.500 --> 00:37:25.234 MICHELLE: YES. 00:37:25.334 --> 00:37:27.267 REBECCA: AND GOD PULLED YOU BACK. 00:37:27.367 --> 00:37:28.967 MICHELLE: THAT PRAYER THAT I PRAYED 00:37:29.067 --> 00:37:32.134 WITH THAT LITTLE GLIMMER OF HOPE GAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY, 00:37:32.234 --> 00:37:35.600 THAT GRACE, THAT SECOND CHANCE 00:37:35.700 --> 00:37:38.200 FOR ME TO COME BACK. 00:37:38.300 --> 00:37:39.833 AND I DIED ON A SUNDAY MORNING 00:37:39.933 --> 00:37:41.433 IN THE BACK OF THAT BAR. 00:37:41.533 --> 00:37:45.500 AND THAT NIGHT I WENT BACK TO THAT CHURCH 00:37:45.600 --> 00:37:48.267 AND THEY WEREN'T QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO WITH ME. 00:37:48.367 --> 00:37:49.834 THEY PRAYED WITH ME 00:37:49.934 --> 00:37:52.334 AND SOMEBODY LET THE FAMILY WHO HAD BEEN 00:37:52.434 --> 00:37:54.033 AT THE HOSPITAL, 00:37:54.133 --> 00:37:55.966 KNOW THAT I HAD COME. 00:37:56.066 --> 00:37:57.666 AND THEY BEGAN TO LOOK FOR ME. 00:37:57.766 --> 00:37:59.967 AND IT TOOK THEM A COUPLE OF WEEKS TO FIND ME 00:38:00.067 --> 00:38:01.733 BECAUSE I STARTED TRYING TO CLEAN MYSELF UP. 00:38:01.833 --> 00:38:03.734 I THOUGHT, I CANNOT GO TO HELL. 00:38:03.834 --> 00:38:04.933 I CANNOT GO TO HELL. 00:38:05.033 --> 00:38:07.500 SO I WENT TO THE THRIFT STORE 00:38:07.600 --> 00:38:08.934 AND I FOUND A QUARTER - 00:38:09.034 --> 00:38:12.200 I FOUND A BIBLE FOR 25 CENTS. 00:38:12.300 --> 00:38:13.966 I STILL HAVE THAT BIBLE. 00:38:14.066 --> 00:38:16.200 AND I THOUGHT, OKAY, I'M GONNA GET THIS BIBLE. 00:38:16.300 --> 00:38:18.133 AND I BOUGHT THIS BIBLE FOR A QUARTER 00:38:18.233 --> 00:38:20.033 AND I WOULD SIT, AND I WENT AND TRIED TO GET 00:38:20.133 --> 00:38:21.433 MYSELF OFF DRUGS. 00:38:21.533 --> 00:38:24.700 AND I GOT ON A PROGRAM CALLED METHADONE 00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:26.767 THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP PEOPLE 00:38:26.867 --> 00:38:28.466 WHO HAD DILAUDID ADDICTION. 00:38:28.566 --> 00:38:30.600 AND SO I'M ON THAT PROGRAM 00:38:30.700 --> 00:38:31.933 AND I'M TRYING TO READ MY BIBLE 00:38:32.033 --> 00:38:34.466 AND I KEPT FALLING ASLEEP READING THE BIBLE. 00:38:34.566 --> 00:38:36.267 AND IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME THAT THEY FOUND ME 00:38:36.367 --> 00:38:41.500 AND THEY TOOK ME TO A REVIVAL THAT WAS GOING ON. 00:38:41.600 --> 00:38:44.167 AND THAT FIRST NIGHT OF THE REVIVAL, 00:38:44.267 --> 00:38:46.667 I SLEPT THROUGH THE FIRST NIGHT. 00:38:46.767 --> 00:38:49.800 THEY TOOK ME HOME AND PRAYED OVER ME. 00:38:49.900 --> 00:38:50.867 PUT LIKE ANOINTED CLOTHS - 00:38:50.967 --> 00:38:52.700 I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. 00:38:52.800 --> 00:38:55.900 AND THEY TOOK ME BACK AND THEY PRAYED FOR ME AGAIN. 00:38:56.000 --> 00:38:59.366 AND THAT NIGHT, THE PREACHER CAME TO ME AND HE SAID, 00:38:59.466 --> 00:39:01.100 DO YOU WANT HELP? 00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:03.134 HE WOKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SERMON. 00:39:03.234 --> 00:39:04.367 I WAS ASLEEP. 00:39:04.467 --> 00:39:05.467 REBECCA: BECAUSE OF THE METHADONE? 00:39:05.567 --> 00:39:06.767 MICHELLE: THE METHADONE. 00:39:06.867 --> 00:39:08.566 HE SAID DO YOU WANT HELP? 00:39:08.666 --> 00:39:09.534 AND I STOOD UP AND I SAID, 00:39:09.634 --> 00:39:10.633 YES, SIR, I DO. 00:39:10.733 --> 00:39:12.133 I WANT HELP. 00:39:12.233 --> 00:39:14.734 AND HE WENT TO PRAY FOR ME 00:39:14.834 --> 00:39:16.034 AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW 00:39:16.134 --> 00:39:18.800 I'M WAKING UP ON THE FLOOR. 00:39:18.900 --> 00:39:21.566 AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE POWER OF GOD. 00:39:21.666 --> 00:39:23.634 I THOUGHT HE KNOCKED ME DOWN. 00:39:23.734 --> 00:39:24.900 AND I WAS ABOUT TO ASK SOMEBODY 00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:26.600 AS I'M PULLING MYSELF UP ON THE PEW. 00:39:26.700 --> 00:39:28.534 I'M LIKE, DID HE KNOCK ME DOWN? 00:39:28.634 --> 00:39:33.700 AND I REALIZED I AM MORE SOBER THAN I HAVE BEEN IN YEARS. 00:39:33.800 --> 00:39:36.000 I'M MORE CLEAR-HEADED. 00:39:36.100 --> 00:39:39.100 AND HE GOT MY ATTENTION, HE SAID, 00:39:39.200 --> 00:39:40.434 I WANT YOU TO LEAD YOU IN THIS PRAYER. 00:39:40.534 --> 00:39:42.100 AND HE LED ME IN THE SINNER'S PRAYER 00:39:42.200 --> 00:39:43.334 AND I ACCEPTED JESUS. 00:39:43.434 --> 00:39:47.267 THAT WAS AUGUST 10TH OF 1992. 00:39:47.367 --> 00:39:50.566 AND I'VE BEEN SERVING GOD SINCE THAT TIME. 00:39:50.666 --> 00:39:52.133 REBECCA: ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. 00:39:52.233 --> 00:39:54.767 SO YOU WERE ON METHADONE, YOU WERE ASLEEP, 00:39:54.867 --> 00:39:56.334 HE WOKE YOU UP, 00:39:56.434 --> 00:39:58.234 YOU FELL OUT UNDER THE POWER OF GOD. 00:39:58.334 --> 00:39:59.300 MICHELLE: YES. 00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.100 REBECCA: AND WHEN YOU CAME TO, YOU WERE SOBER. 00:40:01.200 --> 00:40:02.733 MICHELLE: I WAS SOBER. 00:40:02.833 --> 00:40:05.966 I WAS SOBER AND FLUSHED ALL MY DRUGS. 00:40:06.066 --> 00:40:08.133 THAT NIGHT I FLUSHED ALL THE DRUGS IN MY POSSESSION 00:40:08.233 --> 00:40:11.500 DOWN THE TOILET AND HAD NO WITHDRAWALS. 00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:13.500 THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE LEVEL OF METHADONE 00:40:13.600 --> 00:40:15.200 I WAS ON WHO WOULD HAVE 00:40:15.300 --> 00:40:18.200 SERIOUS PHYSICAL WITHDRAWALS. 00:40:18.300 --> 00:40:20.000 I SUFFERED NO WITHDRAWALS. 00:40:20.100 --> 00:40:23.033 IT WAS SUPERNATURAL, THE POWER OF GOD 00:40:23.133 --> 00:40:26.333 LIBERATED ME FROM THE DRUG ADDICTION. 00:40:26.433 --> 00:40:27.567 AND THEY WERE IN REVIVAL 00:40:27.667 --> 00:40:29.233 SO I STARTED GOING TO CHURCH EVERY NIGHT. 00:40:29.333 --> 00:40:30.667 REBECCA: OH, I LOVE THAT. 00:40:30.767 --> 00:40:34.000 MICHELLE: AND I'M THERE WITH MY 25 CENT BIBLE. 00:40:34.100 --> 00:40:36.000 THEY ARE SO EXCITED TO BE - 00:40:36.100 --> 00:40:39.034 I WAS LIKE MINNIE PEARL, I'M JUST SO GLAD TO BE HERE. 00:40:39.134 --> 00:40:43.600 I'M SO GLAD THAT I'M FREE AND CLEAN. 00:40:43.700 --> 00:40:47.000 AND I BEGAN TO ATTEND CHURCH AND HEAR THE WORD 00:40:47.100 --> 00:40:50.333 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. 00:40:50.433 --> 00:40:54.333 AND ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS THAT REALLY IMPACTED ME 00:40:54.433 --> 00:40:56.533 WAS 2 CORINTHIANS 5:17, 00:40:56.633 --> 00:40:58.166 BEHOLD, IF ANY MAN BE IN CHRIST, 00:40:58.266 --> 00:41:00.733 OLD THINGS ARE PASSED AWAY; 00:41:00.833 --> 00:41:03.366 ALL THINGS ARE CREATED NEW. 00:41:03.466 --> 00:41:07.300 AND THAT BECAME REAL TO ME. 00:41:07.400 --> 00:41:09.800 I AM NOT WHAT I DID. 00:41:09.900 --> 00:41:13.567 I AM NOT THE MICHELLE BEFORE CHRIST. 00:41:13.667 --> 00:41:15.067 THAT WAS THE B.C. MICHELLE. 00:41:15.167 --> 00:41:16.866 THIS IS MICHELLE AFTER THE DEATH, 00:41:16.966 --> 00:41:18.600 THE A.D. MICHELLE. 00:41:18.700 --> 00:41:21.900 I AM A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST. 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:25.167 AND I BEGAN TO LIVE WITH A FREEDOM 00:41:25.267 --> 00:41:27.366 FROM THE SHAME OF MY PAST. 00:41:27.466 --> 00:41:28.667 REBECCA: OH, WOW. 00:41:28.767 --> 00:41:30.633 WHAT WERE SOME OTHER THINGS THAT GOD SHOWED YOU 00:41:30.733 --> 00:41:33.867 THAT HELPED BRING A TRANSFORMATION IN YOU? 00:41:33.967 --> 00:41:35.800 MICHELLE: WELL, THE IDENTITY BECAME THAT 00:41:35.900 --> 00:41:37.133 FUNDAMENTAL THING. 00:41:37.233 --> 00:41:38.900 I CAN LOOK BACK NOW AND I CAN SEE 00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:41.400 HOW GOD TOOK SPECIFIC THINGS 00:41:41.500 --> 00:41:45.700 AND PUT THEM INTO PLACE IN MY LIFE. 00:41:45.800 --> 00:41:50.067 I HAD TO LEARN THAT I AM DEAD TO WHAT I DID 00:41:50.167 --> 00:41:51.867 BECAUSE I COULDN'T DO WHAT I'M DOING TODAY 00:41:51.967 --> 00:41:54.767 PASTORING, MINISTERING THE GOSPEL, 00:41:54.867 --> 00:41:55.666 WRITING BOOKS, 00:41:55.766 --> 00:41:57.034 I COULDN'T HELP OTHER PEOPLE 00:41:57.134 --> 00:42:00.000 IF I STILL LIVED IN THE IDENTITY. 00:42:00.100 --> 00:42:02.933 AND SO I HAD TO MEET THE NEW ME. 00:42:03.033 --> 00:42:04.734 AND ONLY THE WORD OF GOD CAN INTRODUCE ME 00:42:04.834 --> 00:42:06.733 TO THE NEW ME 00:42:06.833 --> 00:42:10.133 BECAUSE I HAVE JUST BEEN BORN BY THE WORD OF GOD. 00:42:10.233 --> 00:42:11.800 THAT INCORRUPTIBLE SEED OF GOD'S WORD 00:42:11.900 --> 00:42:13.567 HAS NOW BROUGHT ME TO NEW LIFE. 00:42:13.667 --> 00:42:19.800 AND SO THE NEW ME IS ONLY ABLE TO BE IDENTIFIED 00:42:19.900 --> 00:42:21.633 BY LOOKING INTO THE WORD OF GOD. 00:42:21.733 --> 00:42:23.734 AND SO GALATIANS CHAPTER 2 WAS THE FIRST THING. 00:42:23.834 --> 00:42:26.867 GOD SAID YOU NEED YOUR DEATH CERTIFICATE. 00:42:26.967 --> 00:42:29.567 GALATIANS 2 BECAME MY DEATH CERTIFICATE. 00:42:29.667 --> 00:42:32.866 I'VE GOT PROOF I AM CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST 00:42:32.966 --> 00:42:35.133 NEVERTHELESS I LIVE, YET IT IS NOT I THAT LIVE, 00:42:35.233 --> 00:42:36.967 IT IS CHRIST WHO LIVES IN ME. 00:42:37.067 --> 00:42:38.966 SO I HAVE A DEATH CERTIFICATE. 00:42:39.066 --> 00:42:41.066 MICHELLE IS DEAD. 00:42:41.166 --> 00:42:42.300 THE OLD MICHELLE. 00:42:42.400 --> 00:42:43.600 THIS WOMAN IS A DIFFERENT WOMAN. 00:42:43.700 --> 00:42:46.500 THIS IS NOT THE PROSTITUTE THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT. 00:42:46.600 --> 00:42:49.667 THIS IS NOT THE WOMAN WHO PUT THE NEEDLE IN HER ARMS. 00:42:49.767 --> 00:42:52.300 AND THEN FROM THE DEATH CERTIFICATE 00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:54.500 I HAD PROOF THAT I WAS BURIED. 00:42:54.600 --> 00:42:57.633 ROMANS CHAPTER 6 SAYS WE ARE BURIED TOGETHER 00:42:57.733 --> 00:43:00.700 IN BAPTISM WITH CHRIST JESUS. 00:43:00.800 --> 00:43:01.734 SO NOT ONLY AM I DEAD, 00:43:01.834 --> 00:43:02.634 I CAN PROVE IT, 00:43:02.734 --> 00:43:04.833 I'VE GOT THE PLACE I'VE BEEN BURIED. 00:43:04.933 --> 00:43:08.634 BUT THEN I'VE GOT A NEW BIRTH CERTIFICATE 00:43:08.734 --> 00:43:10.900 BECAUSE I WENT DOWN AND WAS BURIED 00:43:11.000 --> 00:43:12.367 IN THAT BAPTISMAL WATER 00:43:12.467 --> 00:43:14.834 BUT I CAME UP IN THE RESURRECTION LIFE 00:43:14.934 --> 00:43:16.434 OF JESUS CHRIST. 00:43:16.534 --> 00:43:19.567 AND SO THAT IS THE NEW ME. 00:43:19.667 --> 00:43:20.966 THAT IS THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. 00:43:21.066 --> 00:43:23.467 AND YOU KNOW IF YOU EVER GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE 00:43:23.567 --> 00:43:25.067 AND YOU MOVE, YOU'VE GOT TO GO 00:43:25.167 --> 00:43:26.933 CHANGE THE INFORMATION. 00:43:27.033 --> 00:43:31.166 AND SO YOU'VE GOT TO GET THAT NEW ADDRESS. 00:43:31.266 --> 00:43:32.767 I'M SEATED TOGETHER WITH CHRIST, 00:43:32.867 --> 00:43:34.800 EPHESIANS CHAPTER 2. 00:43:34.900 --> 00:43:37.033 THOSE ARE THOSE INSTRUMENTAL VERSES 00:43:37.133 --> 00:43:40.533 THAT GOD USED IN A WAY 00:43:40.633 --> 00:43:42.566 THAT HELPED ME NOT JUST 00:43:42.666 --> 00:43:46.733 PICTURE MYSELF DIFFERENT BUT BELIEVE I WAS DIFFERENT. 00:43:46.833 --> 00:43:51.266 I COULD BELIEVE THAT I AM NOT THAT SAME PERSON. 00:43:51.366 --> 00:43:54.167 AND THEREFORE I COULD WALK IN IT. 00:43:54.267 --> 00:43:58.233 THE SECOND THING THAT I THINK WAS 00:43:58.333 --> 00:44:01.266 WHAT GOD PUT IN MY HEART NEXT, 00:44:01.366 --> 00:44:04.433 IS HOW TO HEAR GOD FROM HIS WORD. 00:44:04.533 --> 00:44:06.934 I'D NEVER BEEN IN CHURCH BEFORE. 00:44:07.034 --> 00:44:09.834 AND THERE WERE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT 00:44:09.934 --> 00:44:11.467 WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS PRAYING AND THE LORD TOLD ME, 00:44:11.567 --> 00:44:13.033 AND I'M LIKE, WHAT? 00:44:13.133 --> 00:44:14.733 GOD TALKS TO YOU? 00:44:14.833 --> 00:44:16.867 YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS SO ODD TO ME. 00:44:16.967 --> 00:44:18.534 AND THE MORE I WAS AROUND IT, 00:44:18.634 --> 00:44:20.600 THE MORE I WAS LIKE, OKAY, NOW I'M INTERESTED. 00:44:20.700 --> 00:44:21.967 Y'ALL GOT MY CURIOSITY. 00:44:22.067 --> 00:44:23.500 BECAUSE IF Y'ALL ARE HEARING FROM GOD, 00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:25.633 IF ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM NEEDS TO HEAR FROM GOD, 00:44:25.733 --> 00:44:27.367 IT'S THIS WOMAN WHO'S TRYING TO PUT HER LIFE 00:44:27.467 --> 00:44:28.900 BACK TOGETHER. 00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:31.733 SO I WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD. 00:44:31.833 --> 00:44:32.967 AND I WOULD ASK PEOPLE, 00:44:33.067 --> 00:44:34.367 HOW DO YOU HEAR FROM GOD? 00:44:34.467 --> 00:44:35.667 HOW DO YOU HEAR FROM GOD? 00:44:35.767 --> 00:44:37.600 AND MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH 00:44:37.700 --> 00:44:40.034 COULDN'T GIVE ME A GOOD ANSWER. 00:44:40.134 --> 00:44:42.967 BUT I WENT TO MY PASTOR'S WIFE 00:44:43.067 --> 00:44:45.067 AND SHE SAID TO ME, 00:44:45.167 --> 00:44:50.267 MICHELLE, IF YOU WILL LEARN TO HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD, 00:44:50.367 --> 00:44:53.100 YOU'LL LEARN TO RECOGNIZE HIS VOICE. 00:44:53.200 --> 00:44:54.600 AND THEN WHEN HE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO YOU 00:44:54.700 --> 00:44:55.666 OUTSIDE OF HIS WORD, 00:44:55.766 --> 00:44:58.966 YOU'LL KNOW IT'S HIM ALREADY. 00:44:59.066 --> 00:45:02.000 AND THAT HELPED ME SO MUCH. 00:45:02.100 --> 00:45:05.033 AND I BEGAN TO LOOK FOR GOD'S VOICE 00:45:05.133 --> 00:45:08.700 SPEAKING TO ME THROUGH HIS WORD. 00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:10.334 NOW, THAT FAMILY THAT I HAD COME OUT OF, 00:45:10.434 --> 00:45:12.700 THEY WERE A CRAZY FAMILY. 00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:13.933 AND THEY GOT MAD ONE NIGHT 00:45:14.033 --> 00:45:15.800 AND THEY THOUGHT THAT I HAD - 00:45:15.900 --> 00:45:17.433 THIS IS WILD, I KNOW. 00:45:17.533 --> 00:45:18.466 THEY CALLED ME AND SAID, 00:45:18.566 --> 00:45:21.000 DID YOU COME IN AND BREAK IN OUR HOUSE 00:45:21.100 --> 00:45:23.134 AND STEAL HIS REMAINS? 00:45:23.234 --> 00:45:24.500 BECAUSE THEY HAD HAD HIM CREMATED. 00:45:24.600 --> 00:45:25.566 I'M LIKE, NO, I DIDN'T STEAL - 00:45:25.666 --> 00:45:27.567 I'VE BEEN AT CHURCH TONIGHT. 00:45:27.667 --> 00:45:28.333 REBECCA: THIS WAS AFTER YOU WERE SAVED? 00:45:28.433 --> 00:45:29.733 MICHELLE: AFTER I WAS SAVED. 00:45:29.833 --> 00:45:32.267 I'M LEARNING HOW TO HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD. 00:45:32.367 --> 00:45:34.134 DID YOU COME IN AND STEAL HIS URN? 00:45:34.234 --> 00:45:35.100 WE THINK YOU DID IT. 00:45:35.200 --> 00:45:36.800 WE'RE COMING TO SHOOT YOU. 00:45:36.900 --> 00:45:40.300 AND I'M LIKE, THEY CARRY, AND THEY'RE GOOD SHOTS. 00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:41.867 AND I WAS UPSET. 00:45:41.967 --> 00:45:43.834 AND I WAS TELLING THE PEOPLE WHO WERE LETTING ME 00:45:43.934 --> 00:45:45.000 STAY AT THEIR HOUSE, 00:45:45.100 --> 00:45:46.266 WHILE I'M GETTING MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER. 00:45:46.366 --> 00:45:47.600 I SAID, WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 00:45:47.700 --> 00:45:49.134 AND THEY'RE LIKE, OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 00:45:49.234 --> 00:45:50.267 THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE I LIVE. 00:45:50.367 --> 00:45:53.200 I'M LIKE, THEY'VE GOT WAYS OF FINDING OUT. 00:45:53.300 --> 00:45:54.533 AND SO THEY GO ON TO BED. 00:45:54.633 --> 00:45:56.733 I'M SITTING THERE ON THE COUCH, 00:45:56.833 --> 00:45:57.800 AND I HAD MADE A LITTLE BED ON THE COUCH 00:45:57.900 --> 00:45:59.167 THERE AT NIGHT. 00:45:59.267 --> 00:46:00.334 I'M LAYING THERE ON THE COUCH, 00:46:00.434 --> 00:46:02.933 I'M LIKE, LORD, WHAT DO I DO? 00:46:03.033 --> 00:46:04.267 AND I OPENED UP MY BIBLE 00:46:04.367 --> 00:46:07.134 AND IT OPENED TO A VERSE IN ISAIAH THAT SAYS, 00:46:07.234 --> 00:46:09.400 EVEN I AM THE LORD WHO COMFORTS YOU. 00:46:09.500 --> 00:46:13.233 WHO ARE YOU TO BE AFRAID OF A MAN THAT SHALL DIE? 00:46:13.333 --> 00:46:17.867 AND I'M LIKE, OH, THAT'S HOW YOU HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD. 00:46:17.967 --> 00:46:20.500 I OPENED IT UP AND IT'S LIKE THAT VERSE 00:46:20.600 --> 00:46:22.967 STOOD UP ON THE PAGE 00:46:23.067 --> 00:46:25.333 AND MET ME AT THE POINT OF MY NEED. 00:46:25.433 --> 00:46:27.766 NOW, I CAN'T SAY THAT I'VE EVER HAD - 00:46:27.866 --> 00:46:29.833 I DON'T JUST PLOP OPEN MY BIBLE 00:46:29.933 --> 00:46:32.867 AND SAY, YOU KNOW, LET A VERSE POP OUT AT ME. 00:46:32.967 --> 00:46:35.934 BUT I KNEW THEN THAT'S GOD SPEAKING TO ME. 00:46:36.034 --> 00:46:38.033 AND A PEACE CAME INTO MY HEART 00:46:38.133 --> 00:46:42.067 AND I WENT TO SLEEP AND DIDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 00:46:42.167 --> 00:46:45.767 AND LEARNING TO HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD 00:46:45.867 --> 00:46:47.300 WHEN HE DID NEED TO SPEAK TO ME 00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:49.167 ABOUT SOMETHING SPECIFIC, 00:46:49.267 --> 00:46:51.834 I ALREADY RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE. 00:46:51.934 --> 00:46:53.100 REBECCA: IT WAS CULTIVATING THAT INTIMATE 00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:55.100 RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM 00:46:55.200 --> 00:46:57.500 AND THROUGH THE STUDYING OF HIS WORD 00:46:57.600 --> 00:46:58.734 WHICH WE NEED TO BE DOING. 00:46:58.834 --> 00:46:59.867 MICHELLE: YES. 00:46:59.967 --> 00:47:00.800 REBECCA: AND WE NEED TO BE ASKING THE HOLY SPIRIT 00:47:00.900 --> 00:47:03.200 TO REVEAL JESUS TO US THROUGH HIS WORD. 00:47:03.300 --> 00:47:04.900 IT'S SOMETHING WE HAVE TO DO DAILY. 00:47:05.000 --> 00:47:08.167 AND THROUGH TIME, OUR MIND IS RENEWED 00:47:08.267 --> 00:47:09.566 AND HE CHANGES OUR PERSPECTIVE. 00:47:09.666 --> 00:47:11.033 AND IT TAKES TIME. 00:47:11.133 --> 00:47:13.034 LIKE SOME STUFF IS INSTANTANEOUS, 00:47:13.134 --> 00:47:15.433 BUT SOME STUFF IT TAKES TIME AND THERE'S LAYERS. 00:47:15.533 --> 00:47:17.134 IT'S LIKE BUILDING UPON A FOUNDATION. 00:47:17.234 --> 00:47:18.300 MICHELLE: YES. 00:47:18.400 --> 00:47:19.367 REBECCA: YOU KNOW, IT SAYS YOU BUILD UP THE HOUSE. 00:47:19.467 --> 00:47:21.066 YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE RIGHT FOUNDATION FIRST. 00:47:21.166 --> 00:47:24.366 BUT IN TIME, YOU'RE ABLE TO SEE THINGS 00:47:24.466 --> 00:47:26.400 FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE AND KNOW HIS VOICE 00:47:26.500 --> 00:47:28.900 AND UNDERSTAND HIS WAYS 00:47:29.000 --> 00:47:31.733 AS HE CONTINUES TO GUIDE US AND BUILD US. 00:47:31.833 --> 00:47:33.800 SO I JUST LOVE ALL THAT. 00:47:33.900 --> 00:47:35.534 SO THERE'S ANOTHER COOL STORY 00:47:35.634 --> 00:47:37.367 BECAUSE WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME. 00:47:37.467 --> 00:47:41.234 YOU ARE AT THIS CHURCH, 00:47:41.334 --> 00:47:44.667 AND YOU START BELIEVING FOR A HUSBAND. 00:47:44.767 --> 00:47:45.366 MICHELLE: YES. 00:47:45.466 --> 00:47:46.933 REBECCA: TELL THAT STORY. 00:47:47.033 --> 00:47:49.167 MICHELLE: WELL, I KNEW I DID NOT WANT TO END UP 00:47:49.267 --> 00:47:51.400 IN THE SITUATION THAT I HAD BEFORE 00:47:51.500 --> 00:47:54.733 WITH SOMEONE WHO WASN'T IN THE THINGS OF GOD. 00:47:54.833 --> 00:47:57.166 AND SO AS I'M LEARNING THE WORD OF GOD, 00:47:57.266 --> 00:48:00.100 I'M LEARNING WHAT I NEED TO LOOK FOR IN A HUSBAND. 00:48:00.200 --> 00:48:04.467 AND I MADE A LIST OF WHAT I WANTED IN A HUSBAND. 00:48:04.567 --> 00:48:07.534 I WANTED HIM TO BE STRONGER IN THE WORD THAN ME 00:48:07.634 --> 00:48:09.433 SO THAT HE COULD LEAD OUR FAMILY. 00:48:09.533 --> 00:48:11.066 I WANTED HIM TO BE A WORSHIPER 00:48:11.166 --> 00:48:13.667 BECAUSE I WAS THE LOUDEST WORSHIPER IN THAT PLACE. 00:48:13.767 --> 00:48:16.000 I WAS GIVING GOD GLORY FOR WHAT HE HAD DONE FOR ME. 00:48:16.100 --> 00:48:20.800 SO MY PRAYER REQUEST WAS, OR MY STIPULATION WAS 00:48:20.900 --> 00:48:22.933 HE HAS TO WORSHIP GOD LOUDER THAN ME. 00:48:23.033 --> 00:48:26.533 AND HE HAD TO LOVE MY CHILDREN AS HIS OWN. 00:48:26.633 --> 00:48:28.434 BECAUSE I HAD GOTTEN CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN 00:48:28.534 --> 00:48:30.466 RESTORED TO ME. 00:48:30.566 --> 00:48:33.234 AND ABOUT A YEAR AFTER I WAS SAVED, 00:48:33.334 --> 00:48:37.400 GOD BROUGHT - THE PASTOR'S SON 00:48:37.500 --> 00:48:39.434 CAME TO HELP WITH THE CHURCH 00:48:39.534 --> 00:48:42.600 THAT HAD STARTED OUT OF THIS REVIVAL. 00:48:42.700 --> 00:48:45.134 AND AS HE STARTED COMING TO THE CHURCH, 00:48:45.234 --> 00:48:46.300 YOU KNOW, THERE WERE OTHER MEN THAT WERE 00:48:46.400 --> 00:48:48.433 INTERESTED IN DATING ME 00:48:48.533 --> 00:48:50.300 AND THEY WERE THERE IN THE CHURCH, YOU KNOW, 00:48:50.400 --> 00:48:51.533 BUT I WOULD WATCH THEM. 00:48:51.633 --> 00:48:53.667 I'M LIKE, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THEIR BIBLE IN THEIR LAP. 00:48:53.767 --> 00:48:54.833 IT'S NOT EVEN OPEN. 00:48:54.933 --> 00:48:56.966 OR THEY DON'T EVEN LIFT THEIR HANDS IN CHURCH. 00:48:57.066 --> 00:49:00.100 THEY DON'T FIT MY CRITERIA. 00:49:00.200 --> 00:49:03.300 SO HE STARTED GOING, I'M GOING THROUGH THE CHECKLIST. 00:49:03.400 --> 00:49:04.867 YEP, STRONGER IN THE WORD THAN ME. 00:49:04.967 --> 00:49:07.200 YEP, WORSHIPER OF GOD. 00:49:07.300 --> 00:49:11.867 AND HE WAS, YOU KNOW, REALLY GOOD TO MY CHILDREN. 00:49:11.967 --> 00:49:15.400 AND GOD PUT IN MY HEART THAT HE WOULD BE MY HUSBAND, 00:49:15.500 --> 00:49:17.433 HE WILL BE YOUR MIRACLE. 00:49:17.533 --> 00:49:20.900 AND SO ONE DAY WE GREETED EACH OTHER ON THE STEPS 00:49:21.000 --> 00:49:22.700 AND HE SAID, HOW ARE YOU, SISTER MICHELLE? 00:49:22.800 --> 00:49:23.934 AND I SAID I'M BLESSED 00:49:24.034 --> 00:49:25.000 AND WE'RE SHAKING OUR HANDS. 00:49:25.100 --> 00:49:27.700 AND I SAID, DID YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY MIRACLE? 00:49:27.800 --> 00:49:30.133 AND HE SAID, REALLY? 00:49:30.233 --> 00:49:32.933 I SAID, YES, YOU'RE MY MIRACLE. 00:49:33.033 --> 00:49:36.500 AND HE ACTED LIKE HE MIGHT BE INTERESTED 00:49:36.600 --> 00:49:38.533 IN BEING MY MIRACLE. 00:49:38.633 --> 00:49:40.500 AND SO WE NEVER DATED, 00:49:40.600 --> 00:49:43.300 BUT AT HOME I WOULD PRAY AND THE LORD WAS PUTTING 00:49:43.400 --> 00:49:44.333 FAITH IN MY HEART. 00:49:44.433 --> 00:49:46.667 I WAS CALLING MYSELF MRS. MICHELLE STEELE. 00:49:46.767 --> 00:49:48.367 I WAS CALLING MYSELF - 00:49:48.467 --> 00:49:51.267 I WAS STANDING ON THE WORD, YOU KNOW. 00:49:51.367 --> 00:49:52.600 AND THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE WHO WOULD 00:49:52.700 --> 00:49:55.800 WANT TO PICK ME UP AND BRING ME AND THE KIDS TO CHURCH 00:49:55.900 --> 00:49:59.300 BECAUSE THEY LIVED IN OUR AREA. 00:49:59.400 --> 00:50:01.700 AND I'M LIKE, LORD, I'M BELIEVING THAT HE'S GONNA BE, 00:50:01.800 --> 00:50:04.300 THAT PHILIP IS GONNA BE MY HUSBAND. 00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:07.367 AND HE SAID, THEN WHY WOULD A MARRIED WOMAN 00:50:07.467 --> 00:50:09.866 BE RIDING TO CHURCH WITH THAT MAN 00:50:09.966 --> 00:50:11.367 THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED TO? 00:50:11.467 --> 00:50:13.600 AND I STARTED SAYING, I CAN'T GO TO CHURCH WITH YOU, 00:50:13.700 --> 00:50:16.234 AND I GOT A COUPLE FROM THE CHURCH 00:50:16.334 --> 00:50:18.566 WHO WERE ALSO IN OUR VICINITY, 00:50:18.666 --> 00:50:21.100 THEY CAME AND PICKED ME AND THE KIDS UP FOR CHURCH. 00:50:21.200 --> 00:50:23.166 BECAUSE I WAS BELIEVING GOD. 00:50:23.266 --> 00:50:25.634 AND SO GOD PUT US TOGETHER 00:50:25.734 --> 00:50:27.434 AND WE'VE BEEN SERVING GOD 00:50:27.534 --> 00:50:29.667 AND BUILDING HIS KINGDOM EVER SINCE. 00:50:29.767 --> 00:50:30.467 REBECCA: FOR HOW MANY YEARS 00:50:30.567 --> 00:50:31.634 HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED NOW? 00:50:31.734 --> 00:50:33.367 MICHELLE: WE'VE BEEN MARRIED, LET'S SEE, 00:50:33.467 --> 00:50:35.566 I JUST CELEBRATED, THIS OCTOBER 00:50:35.666 --> 00:50:36.933 WILL BE 31 SAVED, 00:50:37.033 --> 00:50:39.867 SO THIS SEPTEMBER IS GONNA BE 30 YEARS 00:50:39.967 --> 00:50:42.334 OUR ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR. 00:50:42.434 --> 00:50:46.333 REBECCA: AND I MEAN, PASTORING TWO DIFFERENT - 00:50:46.433 --> 00:50:48.200 ONE CHURCH BUT TWO DIFFERENT LOCATIONS. 00:50:48.300 --> 00:50:50.766 ON TV, WRITING BOOKS. 00:50:50.866 --> 00:50:53.800 I MEAN, GOD IS REALLY JUST FLOURISHED Y'ALL'S LIVES. 00:50:53.900 --> 00:50:54.800 MICHELLE: HE HAS. 00:50:54.900 --> 00:50:56.900 REBECCA: THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. 00:50:57.000 --> 00:50:59.600 WELL, I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU 00:50:59.700 --> 00:51:01.700 FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. 00:51:01.800 --> 00:51:03.733 BEFORE WE WRAP THIS UP, 00:51:03.833 --> 00:51:05.033 THERE'S TWO THINGS I WANT TO SAY. 00:51:05.133 --> 00:51:08.000 ONE, WHO IS THE MAN WHO SHARED GOD WITH YOU? 00:51:08.100 --> 00:51:10.766 MICHELLE: HIS NAME WAS ZACH REYNOLDS. 00:51:10.866 --> 00:51:12.333 REBECCA: SO I JUST WANT TO SAY FOR THE PEOPLE 00:51:12.433 --> 00:51:13.734 WHO ARE LISTENING, 00:51:13.834 --> 00:51:15.833 I WANT YOU TO BE INSPIRED BY ZACH 00:51:15.933 --> 00:51:18.000 AND THAT PERSISTENCE. 00:51:18.100 --> 00:51:20.467 AND WHEN YOU FEEL GOD IMPRESSING UPON YOUR HEART 00:51:20.567 --> 00:51:23.100 TO MINISTER TO SOMEONE, 00:51:23.200 --> 00:51:25.467 TO DO IT AND TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. 00:51:25.567 --> 00:51:27.900 BECAUSE IF ZACH HADN'T BEEN OBEDIENT, 00:51:28.000 --> 00:51:29.234 AND IF HE HADN'T BEEN PERSISTENT, 00:51:29.334 --> 00:51:31.700 A LOT OF TIMES WHEN PEOPLE ARE RESISTANT TO US 00:51:31.800 --> 00:51:32.900 MINISTERING TO THEM, 00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:34.467 WE CAN GET SCARED AND KIND OF TUCK OUR TAILS AND RUN. 00:51:34.567 --> 00:51:35.633 MICHELLE: YES. 00:51:35.733 --> 00:51:38.000 REBECCA: BUT BECAUSE ZACH STUCK WITH IT AND DID IT, 00:51:38.100 --> 00:51:41.067 REGARDLESS OF THE SIGNALS YOU WERE PUTTING OFF, 00:51:41.167 --> 00:51:43.067 I SEE WHAT GOD WAS ABLE TO DO IN YOUR LIFE. 00:51:43.167 --> 00:51:45.434 AND SO ONE THING I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT IS 00:51:45.534 --> 00:51:47.466 FOR THOSE WHO ARE LISTENING, 00:51:47.566 --> 00:51:50.600 REMEMBER ZACH AND BE PERSISTENT 00:51:50.700 --> 00:51:52.366 AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO SHARE CHRIST WITH PEOPLE. 00:51:52.466 --> 00:51:54.500 BECAUSE YOU MIGHT EVEN SEE IT IN THE MOMENT, 00:51:54.600 --> 00:51:57.100 BUT WHEN THOSE SEEDS ARE PLANTED IT'S SO IMPORTANT. 00:51:57.200 --> 00:51:59.167 AND THEN THE OTHER THING, MICHELLE, 00:51:59.267 --> 00:52:00.200 BEFORE WE CLOSE IS, 00:52:00.300 --> 00:52:02.200 I JUST WANT YOU TO SHARE AN ENCOURAGING WORD 00:52:02.300 --> 00:52:05.167 TO WHOEVER IS LISTENING TODAY. 00:52:05.267 --> 00:52:07.700 MICHELLE: YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES 00:52:07.800 --> 00:52:12.267 THE LIES THAT THE ENEMY USES MOST EFFECTIVELY 00:52:12.367 --> 00:52:16.567 ARE LIES THAT SOUND LIKE OUR OWN VOICE. 00:52:16.667 --> 00:52:20.266 THE LIE THAT I BELIEVED WAS I'M NOT WORTHY. 00:52:20.366 --> 00:52:23.400 AND THAT I'M DIRTY AND THAT THERE'S SOMETHING 00:52:23.500 --> 00:52:25.833 WRONG WITH ME. 00:52:25.933 --> 00:52:27.900 AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THE ENEMY. 00:52:28.000 --> 00:52:30.934 I THOUGHT IT WAS ME AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MY TRUTH. 00:52:31.034 --> 00:52:32.733 AND SO I JUST WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU, 00:52:32.833 --> 00:52:34.500 IF YOU'RE LISTENING, IF YOU'RE WATCHING 00:52:34.600 --> 00:52:36.433 AND YOU FIND YOURSELF 00:52:36.533 --> 00:52:39.033 ALWAYS HEARING THAT VOICE TELLING YOU 00:52:39.133 --> 00:52:41.700 HOW UNWORTHY YOU ARE, 00:52:41.800 --> 00:52:44.967 HOW MUCH OF A FAILURE YOU ARE, 00:52:45.067 --> 00:52:47.666 I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THAT'S A LIE. 00:52:47.766 --> 00:52:49.900 AND THAT THERE'S A TRUTH THAT WILL SET YOU FREE 00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:52.200 FROM THE LIE OF THAT DARKNESS. 00:52:52.300 --> 00:52:54.866 AND IF YOU WILL EVEN OPEN YOUR LIFE 00:52:54.966 --> 00:52:57.067 JUST A LITTLE BIT LIKE I DID, 00:52:57.167 --> 00:53:00.434 AND ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS THE LORD AND SAVIOR 00:53:00.534 --> 00:53:01.933 OF YOUR LIFE, 00:53:02.033 --> 00:53:05.800 HE CAN TAKE THINGS THAT THE ENEMY HAS SPENT YEARS 00:53:05.900 --> 00:53:08.533 DEVELOPING TO TRY TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE WITH, 00:53:08.633 --> 00:53:11.000 GOD CAN TURN IT AROUND IN AN INSTANT, 00:53:11.100 --> 00:53:12.067 IN A MOMENT. 00:53:12.167 --> 00:53:15.700 HE CAN TAKE WHAT SEEMS TO BE SO, 00:53:15.800 --> 00:53:18.634 SO LOST IN YOUR LIFE, 00:53:18.734 --> 00:53:21.600 AND HE CAN RESURRECT IT AND HE CAN RESTORE YOUR LIFE. 00:53:21.700 --> 00:53:23.867 AND SO IF THAT'S YOU AND YOU'RE LISTENING TODAY 00:53:23.967 --> 00:53:25.833 AND YOU WOULD SAY THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME, 00:53:25.933 --> 00:53:27.234 I'VE GONE TOO FAR, 00:53:27.334 --> 00:53:29.300 I HAVE RUINED EVERY GOOD THING 00:53:29.400 --> 00:53:31.534 THAT'S EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE, 00:53:31.634 --> 00:53:33.834 CAN I PRAY FOR YOU RIGHT NOW? 00:53:33.934 --> 00:53:35.834 I JUST WANT YOU TO LISTEN 00:53:35.934 --> 00:53:37.800 AND I JUST WANT YOU TO AGREE. 00:53:37.900 --> 00:53:40.400 VERBALLY AGREE. 00:53:40.500 --> 00:53:42.567 FATHER, I PRAY FOR THAT PERSON 00:53:42.667 --> 00:53:44.900 WHO HAS BELIEVED THAT LIE. 00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:48.133 AND THAT PERSON WHO HAS ACCEPTED AND EMBRACED THAT LIE 00:53:48.233 --> 00:53:49.700 FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS 00:53:49.800 --> 00:53:51.766 AND HAS BEEN LIVING UNDER THE WEIGHT 00:53:51.866 --> 00:53:54.200 OF THE GUILT AND THE SHAME AND THE FEAR 00:53:54.300 --> 00:53:56.566 AND THE TORMENT 00:53:56.666 --> 00:53:59.700 OF THE CHOICES AND THE DECISIONS THAT THEY HAVE MADE 00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:02.667 OR THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO THEM. 00:54:02.767 --> 00:54:06.367 I BREAK THE POWER OF THE ENEMY OFF OF THEIR LIFE 00:54:06.467 --> 00:54:08.200 IN THE NAME OF JESUS. 00:54:08.300 --> 00:54:10.900 AND I COMMAND THAT LIE TO BE BROKEN 00:54:11.000 --> 00:54:12.567 IN THE NAME OF JESUS 00:54:12.667 --> 00:54:14.934 AND THE LIGHT OF GOD'S TRUTH TO SHINE 00:54:15.034 --> 00:54:17.400 INTO THEIR UNDERSTANDING. 00:54:17.500 --> 00:54:19.267 I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS 00:54:19.367 --> 00:54:21.367 TO COVER THEIR MIND AND TO COVER THEIR HEART 00:54:21.467 --> 00:54:23.533 AND TO COVER THEIR FUTURE RIGHT NOW. 00:54:23.633 --> 00:54:25.500 IN THE NAME OF JESUS, 00:54:25.600 --> 00:54:28.400 I SPEAK TO THIS LIFE TO LIVE 00:54:28.500 --> 00:54:32.034 AND TO THRIVE AND TO HOPE AGAIN. 00:54:32.134 --> 00:54:35.000 IN JESUS' NAME, LET THE PEACE OF GOD 00:54:35.100 --> 00:54:37.667 THAT SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING GUARD THEIR HEART 00:54:37.767 --> 00:54:39.666 AND GUARD THEIR MIND. 00:54:39.766 --> 00:54:42.200 AND I WANT YOU TO SAY THIS WITH ME RIGHT NOW, 00:54:42.300 --> 00:54:47.333 GOD, I BELIEVE JESUS CHRIST 00:54:47.433 --> 00:54:51.000 DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME 00:54:51.100 --> 00:54:53.134 IN MY PLACE. 00:54:53.234 --> 00:54:56.534 YOU RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD 00:54:56.634 --> 00:54:58.467 TO GIVE ME HOPE 00:54:58.567 --> 00:55:01.567 THAT I CAN COME OUT OF DEATH, 00:55:01.667 --> 00:55:03.600 SPIRITUAL DEATH, 00:55:03.700 --> 00:55:06.667 EMOTIONAL DEATH, 00:55:06.767 --> 00:55:08.867 AND LIVE AGAIN. 00:55:08.967 --> 00:55:11.733 I ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST 00:55:11.833 --> 00:55:15.934 AS MY LORD, MY SAVIOR. 00:55:16.034 --> 00:55:19.900 I ASK YOU TO WASH ME IN YOUR BLOOD 00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:22.700 AND HELP ME SEE THE LIGHT 00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:24.567 TO LIVE BY. 00:55:24.667 --> 00:55:26.433 IN JESUS' NAME. 00:55:26.533 --> 00:55:27.434 AMEN. 00:55:27.534 --> 00:55:29.400 REBECCA: AMEN. 00:55:29.500 --> 00:55:31.267 WELL, THANK YOU, MICHELLE. 00:55:31.367 --> 00:55:32.600 AND YOU HEAR THAT GUYS, 00:55:32.700 --> 00:55:34.234 YOU RECEIVE THAT WORD TODAY. 00:55:34.334 --> 00:55:36.300 WHAT THE ENEMY MEANT FOR EVIL 00:55:36.400 --> 00:55:38.666 GOD CAN USE FOR OUR GOOD 00:55:38.766 --> 00:55:40.233 AND THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE IN CHRIST, 00:55:40.333 --> 00:55:41.066 YOU'RE A NEW CREATION. 00:55:41.166 --> 00:55:41.933 IF YOU PRAYED THAT PRAYER, 00:55:42.033 --> 00:55:43.600 YOU'RE A NEW CREATION 00:55:43.700 --> 00:55:46.133 AND WE JUST THANK YOU FOR THAT, LORD. 00:55:46.233 --> 00:55:47.733 MICHELLE STEELE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 00:55:47.833 --> 00:55:50.467 SHE HAS A BOOK, ESCAPING HELL. 00:55:50.567 --> 00:55:51.734 THIS IS YOUR LIFE STORY. 00:55:51.834 --> 00:55:53.200 MICHELLE: IT'S MY LIFE STORY 00:55:53.300 --> 00:55:54.800 AND THE FUNDAMENTALS THAT GOD HAS USED 00:55:54.900 --> 00:55:56.700 TO HELP ME PUT MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK. 00:55:56.800 --> 00:55:57.833 REBECCA: WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT. 00:55:57.933 --> 00:55:59.667 FOR ANYONE WHO'S WATCHING, 00:55:59.767 --> 00:56:00.966 WHERE CAN THEY GET THE BOOK, 00:56:01.066 --> 00:56:02.900 AND HOW CAN THEY FIND YOU, 00:56:03.000 --> 00:56:05.167 IF YOU'LL JUST PLUG YOUR WEBSITE? 00:56:05.267 --> 00:56:07.466 MICHELLE: THE WEBSITE IS BUILDFAITH.NET. 00:56:07.566 --> 00:56:09.700 THE BOOK IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON. 00:56:09.800 --> 00:56:11.166 IT'S THROUGH HARRISON HOUSE, 00:56:11.266 --> 00:56:14.267 SO IT'S AVAILABLE WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD. 00:56:14.367 --> 00:56:17.000 THERE'S THE KINDLE VERSION AND THE AUDIO VERSION 00:56:17.100 --> 00:56:20.567 THAT I DID WITH MY OWN VOICE-OVER, 00:56:20.667 --> 00:56:24.534 SO IT'S AVAILABLE TO HELP IN WHATEVER DIFFERENT FORMAT 00:56:24.634 --> 00:56:26.467 PEOPLE LIKE TO RECEIVE IT. 00:56:26.567 --> 00:56:27.700 REBECCA: WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, MICHELLE, 00:56:27.800 --> 00:56:29.033 FOR BEING HERE, 00:56:29.133 --> 00:56:30.133 FOR SHARING YOUR STORY 00:56:30.233 --> 00:56:31.733 AND ENCOURAGING THOSE LISTENING TODAY 00:56:31.800 --> 00:56:34.434 AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE WHO IS LISTENING, 00:56:34.534 --> 00:56:35.733 WHO IS WATCHING. 00:56:35.833 --> 00:56:37.400 WE JUST PRAY THAT YOU HAVE A BLESSED DAY. 00:56:37.500 --> 00:56:38.366 BYE.