REBECCA WEISS: ALL RIGHT.
HELLO, EVERYONE.
WELCOME BACK TO THE PODCAST.
I HAVE SOMEONE REALLY AMAZING HERE TODAY
BECAUSE SHE HAS AN INCREDIBLE STORY.
AND I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR GOD'S GRACE
AND HIS FAITHFULNESS AND HIS REDEMPTION.
AND IT'S GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT ALL SORTS OF TOPICS,
ADDICTION, MOLESTATION,
EVEN PROSTITUTION.
BUT YET THE MIRACULOUS SAVING POWER OF GOD,
AND ALSO HOW GOD BUILDS US BACK UP -
MICHELLE STEELE: YES.
REBECCA: WHEN WE COME INTO HIS KINGDOM.
AND I AM JOINED TODAY WITH
PASTOR MICHELLE STEELE.
SHE'S PASTOR OF FAITH BUILDERS INTERNATIONAL
WITH HER HUSBAND.
AND THAT CHURCH IS THRIVING AND GROWING
AND SHE'S GOING TO BE HERE
SHARING HER TESTIMONY TODAY.
SO THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, MICHELLE.
MICHELLE: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE OPPORTUNITY
TO POINT PEOPLE TO JESUS AND HIS GOODNESS.
REBECCA: I LOVE THAT, AND I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE
STILL TELLING YOUR TESTIMONY
BECAUSE IT NEVER GETS OLD.
MICHELLE: NO.
REBECCA: OKAY.
SO TAKE US BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF YOUR STORY.
MICHELLE: WELL, I LOOK BACK AT THE AREAS OF MY LIFE,
YOU SAY THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY,
I HAD WHAT SEEMED TO BE SUCH A GOOD LIFE.
ON THE OUTSIDE, LOOKED TO BE A LIFE
THAT WAS ALL PUT TOGETHER
AND EVERYTHING WAS JUST GONNA PLAY OUT FOR THE GOOD.
I HAD GREW UP IN A SUBURBAN HOME
WITH A FAMILY WHO WAS WELL OFF.
WE HAD - IN THE AREA OF NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE.
I HAD MY FIRST BABY-SITTING JOB
WAS FOR A GRAND OL' OPRY MUSIC STAR.
I HAD ALL OF THE THINGS THAT LOOKED LIKE
MY LIFE WAS GREAT.
BUT ON THE INSIDE THERE WAS DESTRUCTION THAT BEGAN
WORKING IN ME, A SELF-DESTRUCTION,
THAT I JUST WAS IMPLODING FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
AND I CAN IDENTIFY CERTAIN TRAUMATIC EVENTS.
WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL I WAS MOLESTED
THREE DIFFERENT TIMES,
THREE ADULT MEN DURING THAT TIME
THAT TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME.
AND BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT,
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT WAS -
I PUT MYSELF IN THAT WRONG SITUATION,
THAT I COULDN'T TELL ANYBODY.
AND SO I KEPT THAT TO MYSELF
AND DIDN'T TELL ANY OF THE ADULTS IN MY LIFE.
I DIDN'T SHARE IT AND I JUST BEGAN TO
SELF-MEDICATE AND REBEL FROM MY FAMILY.
REBECCA: SO EXTERNALLY, EVERYTHING WAS GOOD,
BUT INTERNALLY, YOU WERE BEING TORN APART?
MICHELLE: YEAH.
REBECCA: HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THE MOLESTATION HAPPENED?
MICHELLE: I WAS IN SIXTH AND SEVENTH GRADE.
REBECCA: SO YOU WERE REALLY YOUNG.
MICHELLE: YEAH.
AND THERE WERE SITUATIONS THAT HAPPENED,
YOU KNOW, I LOVED HORSES ALL MY LIFE.
I GREW UP WITH A PONY WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
AND SO AS A TEENAGER,
MY PARENTS HAD GOTTEN US A HORSE.
AND ONE OF THE INSTANCES HAPPENED
BECAUSE I WAS WANTING TO GO ON THIS TRIP
TO SEE THESE WILD MUSTANGS.
AND THE PERSON WHO INVITED ME
WAS AN OLDER MAN WHO WORKED AT THE BARN
WHERE WE KEPT OUR HORSE.
SO MY PARENTS THOUGHT OTHER PEOPLE WERE GOING,
AND I FOUND MYSELF IN THE POSITION
THAT HE HAD INVITED ME TO GO,
I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW THAT OTHER PEOPLE WEREN'T GOING,
I KIND OF MAYBE THOUGHT IT WAS AN EVENT,
BUT I FOUND MYSELF ALONE AND HE WAS DRUNK.
AND I THOUGHT, OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS MY FAULT.
WHAT AM I DOING?
AND THEN THE OTHER SITUATION HAPPENED
IN THE SAME KIND OF SCENARIO.
I HAD TOLD MY PARENTS, YOU KNOW,
THIS IS GONNA BE SOMETHING GOING ON, THIS EVENT,
AND CAN I GO?
AND ENDED UP BEING THE COACH FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE.
AND SO AGAIN, IT WAS THOSE THINGS
THAT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I PUT MYSELF
IN THAT SITUATION,
I COULDN'T SHARE IT WITH ANYBODY.
REBECCA: AND SO THE SHAME KEPT YOU QUIET.
MICHELLE: IT WAS SHAME THAT TOLD ME I COULDN'T TELL,
AND THEN SHAME THAT MADE ME BEAT MYSELF UP FOR IT.
AND THEN SHAME THAT KEPT TELLING ME
I WASN'T WORTHY OF ANYTHING.
I WASN'T WORTH A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.
NOBODY WAS GOING TO LOVE ME.
AND I BEGAN TO BE VERY REBELLIOUS
AND PROMISCUOUS,
RUNNING AND SNEAKING OUT OF THE ROOM AT NIGHT.
GOING TO PLACES THAT MY PARENTS DIDN'T KNOW I WAS.
STARTED EXPERIMENTING WITH DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
AND ENDED UP RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME AT 15 YEARS OLD.
AT 15, I WAS OUT ON MY OWN.
AND THE FIRST TIME MY PARENTS HAD TRIED
TO BRING ME BACK,
AND THEN I RAN AWAY AGAIN
AND FINALLY THEY'RE LIKE, OKAY, JUST GO.
AND SO I ENDED UP OUT ON MY OWN.
AND THE PERSON THAT I THOUGHT
I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME TO BE WITH,
ENDED UP TALKING ME INTO
SELLING MY BODY.
AND IT WAS AFTER I HAD BROKEN HIM OUT OF A PRISON,
HE WAS IN A JUVENILE PENITENTIARY THERE
OUTSIDE OF NASHVILLE
IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED ASHLAND CITY.
AND HE HAD MOVED FROM THE HIGH SECURITY
DOWN TO A LOWER SECURITY
AND HE SAID, HE PLANNED IT ALL AND TOLD ME WHERE
TO PULL UP THE CAR.
AND I PULLED UP THE CAR
AND HE WHISTLED AND JUMPED IN THE BACK
AND WE WERE ON THE RUN.
I BROKE HIM OUT.
HE HAD BROKEN OUT AND I PICKED HIM UP.
SO WE TOOK OFF IN A HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR
AND DROVE TO FLORIDA.
AND THEN DIDN'T FIND THE PERSON
THAT WE WANTED TO FIND IN FLORIDA,
SO WE TOOK THE MONEY THAT WE HAD
AND DROVE UP TO DETROIT.
WE THOUGHT WE'D CROSS THE CANADIAN BORDER.
AND THAT HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR FELL APART.
AND BY THAT TIME, I WAS --
I THOUGHT I WAS SICK.
AND HIS MOTHER, HE'S LIKE, MOM, SHE IS NO FUN.
SHE IS SLEEPING ALL THE TIME,
SHE'S THROWING UP.
AND SHE GOES, SHE'S PROBABLY PREGNANT.
AND I WAS.
WE WERE EXPECTING OUR FIRST CHILD.
AND IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HE, AT 15,
WASN'T INTERESTED IN.
AND SO HE KIND OF LEFT ME.
AND SO WE WERE ACTUALLY STILL ON THE RUN
AND HE THOUGHT HE COULDN'T GET EMPLOYMENT
SO HE WAS WORKING UNDER THE TABLE AT SOME PLACES
AND WE WERE LIVING IN AN ABANDONED HOUSE.
REBECCA: WHERE WAS THIS?
MICHELLE: IN ASHLAND CITY.
IT'S AN AREA OUTSIDE OF NASHVILLE.
IT'S OUT IN THE COUNTRY.
AND SO IT WAS AN ABANDONED HOUSE.
IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY WATER,
IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY ELECTRICITY.
AND HE LEFT ME THERE.
AND WHEN I RAN OUT OF FOOD --
REBECCA: HOW OLD WERE YOU?
MICHELLE: I WAS 15.
REBECCA: SO YOU WERE BOTH 15?
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: YOU BROKE HIM OUT OF JAIL.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: A LOWER SECURITY SITUATION
OR HE GOT OUT AND YOU PICKED HIM UP.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: YOU ENDED UP GOING ALL AROUND
DIFFERENT PARTS OF AMERICA,
BUT YOU ENDED UP BACK IN TENNESSEE
BECAUSE YOU WERE PREGNANT.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: AND HE LEFT YOU IN A HOUSE.
MICHELLE: HE LEFT ME THERE.
AND SO ABOUT TWO WEEKS
I HAD RAN OUT OF THE FOOD AND WATER SUPPLIES
THAT WE HAD IN THIS HOUSE,
AND IT TOOK ME A DAY,
BUT I WALKED DOWN OFF THAT MOUNTAIN AND I FOUND HIM.
HE WAS AT HIS SISTER'S HOUSE.
AND I WALKED IN AND I SAID,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
I THOUGHT YOU GOT ARRESTED.
I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING HAPPENED.
HE SAID, DON'T YOU GET IT?
I DON'T WANT YOU.
REBECCA: OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT ACTUALLY LEADS ME TO MY QUESTION.
MICHELLE: OKAY.
REBECCA: SO I WANT TO KNOW BEFORE WE GET MORE
INTO THE STORY ABOUT YOU AND HIM,
WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LIE IS
THAT YOU BELIEVED AFTER THAT STUFF HAPPENED TO YOU,
THAT KIND OF GRAVITATED YOU TOWARDS SOMEONE
TREATING --
YOU BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP LETTING
SOMEONE TREAT YOU THAT WAY?
MICHELLE: THE LIE WAS YOU'RE NOT WORTHY.
YOU'RE NO GOOD.
YOU ARE DAMAGED.
AND IT WAS A SELF-IMAGE
THAT WAS PAINTED BY SHAME.
IT WAS AS IF SHAME WAS THE FILTER
THROUGH WHICH I SAW EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE.
AND EVEN, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES
PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT USUALLY SHAME WORKS ITS BEST IN PEOPLE
WHO DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO CAUSE IT.
IT IS BAD WHEN YOU ARE THE PERSON
WHO HAS COMMITTED THE CRIMES.
I KNOW THAT SHAME, TOO,
BUT IT DIDN'T START WITH THAT.
IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE WHO HAD VIOLATED ME
THAT INTRODUCED THAT SHAME INTO MY LIFE,
BUT THEN MY LIFE BECAME A --
A REPERCUSSION OF WHAT THEIR VIOLATION HAD DONE.
REBECCA: AND SO WHEN YOU RUN AWAY FROM HOME,
YOUR PARENTS BASICALLY, AFTER TRYING TO
GET YOU BACK ONCE,
THEY JUST KIND OF SAID, OKAY, LET HER GO.
MICHELLE: YEAH.
REBECCA: DID YOU GROW UP IN A CHRISTIAN HOME?
MICHELLE: I DID NOT.
I HAD GRANDPARENTS WHO WERE CHRISTIANS.
I DO REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL
GOING TO CHURCH WITH MY GRANDMA A LITTLE BIT,
BUT NOT OUT OF --
I ONLY LIVED WITH HER FOR A SHORT TIME
AFTER MY PARENTS WERE DIVORCED.
AND SO IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT I WAS --
THAT THE WORD WAS INSTILLED IN ME.
REBECCA: SO YOUR PARENTS LET YOU GO.
HOW DID YOU MEET THIS GUY?
MICHELLE: I MET HIM THROUGH A FRIEND.
IT WAS JUST ONE OF THESE WEIRD SETUPS
WHERE BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH KIND OF WILD
AND BOTH LIVING ON THE EDGE THAT THEY SET US UP,
AND SO THAT WAS THE CONNECTION THAT WE HAD.
REBECCA: SO BACK TO THE STORY.
YOU BREAK THIS GUY OUT,
GO ALL OVER,
END UP BACK IN TENNESSEE.
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
WERE YOU PROSTITUTING BEFORE YOU GOT PREGNANT?
MICHELLE: NO.
IT WAS DURING THAT TIME THAT I WAS PREGNANT,
I HAD MOVED IN WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER
AND I WAS WORKING AS A WAITRESS --
REBECCA: THIS IS AFTER THE MOUNTAIN HOUSE?
REBECCA: AFTER HE HAD LEFT ME ON THE MOUNTAIN.
REBECCA: SO YOU COME DOWN AND HE LET'S YOU LIVE
WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER?
MICHELLE: WELL, HIS GRANDMOTHER SAID,
WELL, YOU DON'T NEED HIM ANYWAY, HONEY.
YOU COME ON IN HERE.
SHE WAS ALWAYS TAKING IN THE LOST.
AND SO SHE LET ME COME AND STAY THERE WITH HER
AND IT WAS DURING THAT TIME
THAT HE WAS PROSTITUTING SOMEONE ELSE.
AND I FOUND OUT WHO IT WAS,
IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL,
FROM JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.
AND SO HE BEGAN TO COME BY GRANDMA'S HOUSE AND VISIT ME
AND TALKED WHILE SHE WAS AT WORK PROSTITUTING,
HE WOULD TALK TO ME ABOUT
HOW HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH ME,
AND HE JUST REALLY STARTED TURNING ON THE CHARM
AND MAKING ME THINK,
THAT, OKAY, MAYBE HE IS INTERESTED IN ME.
I DIDN'T REALIZE HE WANTED ME TO GO TO WORK FOR HIM.
AND SO HE TALKED ME INTO,
WITH THIS IDEA OF I'M GONNA BE YOUR --
I'M JUST WITH HER BECAUSE SHE'S DOING THIS.
IT WAS PLAYING US BOTH AGAINST EACH OTHER,
BUT I ENDED UP TAKING THAT --
IT WAS THAT MANIPULATION AND THAT PRESSURE
AND I REALLY WANTED HIM.
HE'S THE FATHER OF MY BABY.
I BROKE HIM OUT OF JAIL,
I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
I THOUGHT, OKAY, MAYBE HE DOES AND HE WILL,
AND I CAN GET HIM TO COME BACK TO ME.
AND SO I ENDED UP PROSTITUTING IN THE TRUCK STOPS,
AND HE HAD BOTH OF US OUT THERE.
AND SO AS A PREGNANT 16-YEAR-OLD,
I WAS PROSTITUTING.
AND THAT'S WHEN THE PROSTITUTION STARTED.
BUT WHAT I DIDN'T REALIZE IS,
IN THAT PROSTITUTION,
THERE WAS A WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL OF SHAME.
REBECCA: YEAH.
MICHELLE: AND THERE WAS A DARKNESS AND A HATRED
THAT CAME INTO ME FOR MYSELF.
A SELF-HATRED.
AND AFTER I HAD HAD MY BABY,
I BEGAN TO TRY TO COVER UP,
TO NUMB MYSELF OF THAT PAIN.
REBECCA: THE REALITY THAT YOU WERE IN.
MICHELLE: AND THAT'S HOW THE ADDICTIONS STARTED.
REBECCA: DO YOU THINK ALMOST BECAUSE
HE GAVE YOU LOVE
AND THEN HE ABANDONED YOU
AND THEN HE CAME BACK,
YOU'RE ALMOST SO DESPERATE TO HAVE HIM BACK
THAT YOU WERE WILLING TO DO THAT?
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: BUT THEN ONCE YOU WERE IN IT,
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF?
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: AND YOU WERE PROSTITUTING
WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT?
MICHELLE: I WAS.
REBECCA: THAT'S SO CRA -
SO LIKE, WERE YOU FAR ALONG?
MICHELLE: UP UNTIL EIGHT MONTHS.
REBECCA: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
MICHELLE: YES. YES.
REBECCA: THAT'S SO CRAZY.
MICHELLE: I LOOK BACK NOW AND THINK,
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
REBECCA: YOU DIDN'T DO DRUGS, THOUGH,
WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD?
MICHELLE: WITH MY FIRST CHILD
I DID NOT DO ANY DRUGS.
I HAD SOME SENSE OF MIND TO KNOW THAT.
AND BUT EVEN IN -
THERE WOULD BE TIMES -
I LOOK BACK NOW,
AND, YOU KNOW, IN SITTING DOWN TO WRITE MY BOOK,
IT'S BEEN 30 YEARS.
AND WHEN I WROTE THE BOOK I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,
WHERE WAS ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE
WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHAKING ME
AND SAYING, MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF.
BECAUSE I LOOK BACK AND HIS FAMILY KNEW
WHAT I WAS DOING,
THEY KNEW I WAS PROSTITUTING.
THEY KNEW THAT WE WERE DOING DRUGS.
AND, YOU KNOW, WHERE WERE THE PEOPLE,
THE ADULTS, THE RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE?
I DO THANK GOD
THAT THEY AT LEAST TOOK MY CHILDREN OUT OF THAT LIFE.
THEY WOULD -
THEY WILLINGLY EMBRACED THE RESPONSIBILITY
OF MY CHILDREN
SO THAT MY CHILDREN WEREN'T IN A POSITION
TO BE NEGLECTED OR TO BE ABUSED.
REBECCA: YEAH, THEY WERE OUT OF THAT LIFESTYLE.
SO HOW DID YOU GET YOUR FIRST INTRODUCTION TO DRUGS?
SO IT WAS AFTER YOU GAVE BIRTH?
MICHELLE: I HAD EXPERIMENTED WITH DRUGS BEFORE,
YOU KNOW, AS A TEENAGER GETTING HIGH, SMOKING POT.
REBECCA: BUT THE ADDICTION,
WHEN DID THAT START?
MICHELLE: THE ADDICTION STARTED WITH THE NEEDLE.
BECAUSE HE WAS MORE -
MORE AWARE OF STREET DRUGS
AND PUTTING IT INTO A NEEDLE
AND HE STARTED SAYING, COME ON,
YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS,
YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS.
AND I WAS LIKE, NO, I'M GONNA SNORT THIS COCAINE.
HE GOES, YOU'RE WASTING GOOD COCAINE.
AND HE WOULD MAKE ME, YOU KNOW,
YOU'VE GOT TO DO THIS.
BUT THAT WAS A WAY TO NUMB.
THAT WAS A WAY TO -
REBECCA: MEDICATE.
MICHELLE: YEAH, TO ESCAPE.
AND I REMEMBER MAKING THE STATEMENT,
I WILL NEVER BE SOBER ANOTHER DAY IN MY LIFE.
AND IF I COULDN'T GET DRUGS,
IF I COULDN'T GET THE MONEY TO GET HIGH,
I WOULD GO STEAL A BOTTLE OF NYQUIL
AND DRINK THE WHOLE BOTTLE JUST TO GO TO SLEEP.
JUST TO ESCAPE.
IF I COULDN'T GET ANYTHING ELSE,
YOU KNOW, NOT THAT THAT HAPPENED OFTEN,
BUT I WAS SO DETERMINED
TO NOT BE SOBER BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH WHAT MY LIFE HAD BECOME.
AND SO, YOU KNOW, FAST-FORWARD, IF I COULD,
I HAD MY FIRST CHILD.
HIS GRANDMOTHER BEGAN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER.
I WENT BACK, BUT THIS TIME
WHEN I BACK TO PROSTITUTION,
IT WAS IN A PROSTITUTION RING THAT HAD US
GOING INTO THE HIGH-END HOTELS.
IT WAS, YOU KNOW, THE CALL CENTER KIND OF PLACE.
REBECCA: ESCORT?
MICHELLE: ESCORT SERVICE.
AND SO I WAS IN THAT FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS.
SO I WOULD BE WORKING ALL NIGHT
AND SLEEPING ALL DAY
AND GETTING HIGH IN BETWEEN.
GETTING HIGH TO GET READY
TO GO BACK TO WORK.
AND THAT BECAME MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT HOWEVER MANY YEARS.
AND WE WENT TO WORK WITH AN ESCORT SERVICE,
AND THE GUY CALLED HIMSELF CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
HIS NAME WAS CHARLIE
AND SO HE HAD ALL THESE ESCORTS.
HE FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND KNEW WHERE
TO GET THE DRUGS
SO HE SAID I'M GONNA SUPPLY THE DRUGS,
YOU GO GET 'EM FOR ME.
AND HE STARTED PAYING HIM.
AND SO WE WERE IN THREE DAYS OF GETTING HIGH NONSTOP,
I MEAN, NOT STOPPING FOR FOOD,
NOT STOPPING FOR SLEEP,
JUST ON THIS THREE-DAY BINGE.
AND SO WE WERE IN THAT, THAT THREE DAYS,
AND HAD COME TO THE PLACE WHERE WE WERE LOSING,
YOU KNOW, GOOD SENSE.
REBECCA: YEAH.
MICHELLE: AND I WAS ACTUALLY ON THE PHONE,
I HAD CALLED TO CHECK ON MY KIDS.
I WAS ON THE PHONE AND HE WAS IN THE BACKGROUND
PULLING THE DRUGS UP
AND GRANNY WAS LIKE KEEPING ME ON THE PHONE
TELLING ME, YOU KNOW, THINGS THAT THE KIDS
HAD BEEN DOING,
SHE WAS GIVING THEM A BATH AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
MY HEART WAS JUST LIKE, AWW.
AND SO I GET OFF THE PHONE WITH HER,
HE'S IN THE BACKGROUND, HURRY UP, HURRY UP.
AND HE HAD PULLED UP HIS DRUGS AND MY DRUGS
INTO ONE SYRINGE
AND SAID WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE SYRINGES,
BUT I'M GONNA USE THIS ONE.
I'M GONNA PULL UP OURS TOGETHER
AND I'M GONNA PULL IT OUT HALFWAY.
BUT HE WAS SO HIGH, HE FORGOT.
AND I WAS SO HIGH, I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION.
AND HE PUT THAT WHOLE SYRINGE FULL OF DRUGS,
HIS AND MINE, INTO MY ARM AT THE SAME TIME.
AND THE GUY WHO WAS THE ONE GETTING US ALL THESE DRUGS,
WHEN HE SAW THAT I HAD STOPPED BREATHING,
AND THAT I FELL BACK OVER ON THE BED DEAD,
HE GRABBED THE DRUGS AND LEFT THE ROOM.
AND LEFT MY HUSBAND THERE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO -
HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO CPR.
HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE.
SO HE DRAGGED ME INTO THE SHOWER
AND TURNED THE COLD WATER ON
AND HELD ME UP WITH ONE ARM AGAINST THE WALL
AND TOOK HIS FIST AND PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST
UNTIL I STARTED TO BREATHE AGAIN.
I DON'T REMEMBER, HE SAID IT TOOK ABOUT AN HOUR
BEFORE I STARTED TALKING AGAIN.
I DO REMEMBER HIM WITH HIS HEAD ABOVE MINE SAYING
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS?
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
AND TRYING TO GET ME TO TALK TO HIM.
AND I REMEMBER THINKING, I CAN'T TALK.
WHEN I DID FINALLY FIND MY WORDS,
I ASKED IF THERE WAS ANY MORE COCAINE.
THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS IN MY LIFE.
BUT THAT REALLY SHOOK HIM UP.
EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T,
I WASN'T SHOOK UP.
I'M LIKE, I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY,
HE'S LIKE, NO, YOU DIED.
YOU DON'T REALIZE IT, YOU DIED.
AND I JUST BARELY GOT YOU BACK TO LIFE.
SO HE SAID WE'RE GONNA STOP DOING DRUGS FOR A WHILE.
AND SO WE TRIED TO SETTLE DOWN
AND GET THINGS SETTLED
AND GET THINGS BACK.
HE HAD BEEN RAISED IN A LOCKSMITH'S HOUSE,
SO HE KNEW HOW TO UNLOCK CARS,
NOT GOOD FOR A THIEF AND A PERSON
LIVING THE LIFE OF CRIME WE WERE LIVING,
HE KNEW HOW TO UNLOCK ANYTHING.
AND SO HE STARTED A LOCKSMITH SHOP.
AND IT WAS DURING THAT TIME,
I'M TRYING TO SETTLE DOWN,
IT WAS DURING THAT TIME I BECAME PREGNANT
WITH OUR SECOND CHILD.
AND SO AGAIN, I WASN'T DOING HEAVY DRUGS.
WE DID A LITTLE BIT OF POT AND, YOU KNOW,
NOTHING SERIOUS
DURING THAT TIME.
BUT IT WAS AFTER I HAD HIM
THAT SOMEBODY WAS CLEANING OUT THEIR SAFE
AND THEY CAME ACROSS A BOTTLE OF PILLS
THAT HAD BEEN GIVEN TO THEIR CANCER -
THEIR HUSBAND WHO HAD DIED OF CANCER.
IT WAS SOME OF THE MEDICATION THEY HAD
GIVEN HIM FOR HIS CANCER
FOR THE PAIN.
AND IT WAS CALLED DILAUDID.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE WHAT OXYCONTIN IS.
AND THEY SAID MAYBE YOU CAN SELL THESE
AND Y'ALL GET BACK ON YOUR FEET.
BECAUSE WE WERE HAVING A LOT OF FINANCIAL TROUBLE.
BUT HE DIDN'T SELL THEM.
HE SOLD A FEW OF THEM,
BUT WE ENDED UP STARTING TO TAKE THEM.
AND WE WEREN'T TAKING THEM BY MOUTH,
WE WERE SHOOTING THEM.
AND THE MINUTE WE BEGAN TO MIX COCAINE WITH IT,
AND SO WE HAD A FULL-BLOWN ADDICTION BACK IN PLAY,
BUT THIS ONE WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE SERIOUS,
BECAUSE DILAUDID IS A PHYSICALLY ADDICTIVE DRUG.
AND SO THAT TOOK US BACK INTO A LIFE OF CRIME
AND BACK INTO THE PROSTITUTION
AND BACK INTO THAT DESTRUCTION.
REBECCA: MAN.
SO, YOU GUYS BOTH END UP BEING ADDICTED AGAIN.
MICHELLE: YEAH.
REBECCA: SO WHAT HAPPENS FROM THERE?
MICHELLE: WELL, BECAUSE IT WAS A CONSTANT LIFESTYLE
OF HAVING TO GET MORE MONEY
AND YOU CAN'T GET IT LEGALLY TO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING
TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR,
AND SO I BEGAN TO REALIZE
THAT HE WAS DOING THINGS AND GETTING MONEY
WHILE I WAS AT THIS PROSTITUTION.
I WENT BACK TO THE PROSTITUTION
WITH WORKING ALL NIGHT.
I WENT, HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?
HOW ARE YOU GETTING THIS MONEY?
AND I BEGAN TO REALIZE,
HE'S ROBBING STORES.
I WAS ACTUALLY,
WE WENT TO A COURT DATE
AND WE'RE SITTING IN COURT
AND I JUST WAS WALKING AROUND WAITING FOR A COURT DATE
AND THEY HAD A WANTED POSTER,
AND I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOSH, I KNOW THE MAN IN THE POSTER.
I'M LIKE, YOU'RE DOING STUFF WHILE I'M -
AND I WAS LIKE, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD BE GIVING ME YOUR MONEY
BECAUSE YOU TAKE ALL MY MONEY.
IT WAS CRAZY TALK BUT STILL.
AND SO ONE DAY HE SAID,
WELL, JUST GET IN THE CAR THEN.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE GONNA DO.
WE GOT IN THE CAR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
WE'VE ROBBED THREE GAS STATIONS.
AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET $50.
THREE GAS STATIONS AND THE POLICE ARE PULLING US OVER
AND WE'RE IN HANDCUFFS
AND FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF TEN YEARS
IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY OF TENNESSEE
FOR THREE COUNTS OF ARMED ROBBERY.
THEY CHARGED ME WITH ATTEMPTED ARMED ROBBERY.
AND IT WAS DURING THAT TIME
THAT HE REALLY BEGAN TO SAY, WAIT A MINUTE,
WE'VE GOT TO CHANGE THE WAY WE'RE LIVING.
YOU KNOW, AND AT THIS POINT I'M BEYOND THINKING RIGHT.
I'VE JUST SO -
I FEEL LIKE I'VE GONE SO FAR.
HE'S WANTING ME TO CLEAN UP
WHILE HE'S IN PRISON.
LIKE WHAT AM I GONNA CLEAN UP TO?
HOW AM I GONNA HAVE A STABLE LIFE
AND TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS?
I'VE NEVER GIVEN THEM A BATH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'VE NEVER BEEN THEIR MOM
AND YOU WANT ME TO SUDDENLY BECOME SUZY HOMEMAKER
BECAUSE YOU'RE IN JAIL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?
THIS IS ALL I'VE KNOWN SINCE I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME AT 15.
REBECCA: HOW OLD WERE YOU AT THIS POINT?
MICHELLE: WE WERE 23.
REBECCA: OKAY.
MICHELLE: AND SO HE WAS, HE WAS INTERESTED,
HE SAID I'M GONNA PLEAD GUILTY
IF THEY'LL DROP THE CHARGES AGAINST YOU
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT US BOTH IN PRISON.
AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD COMMITTED
THE ARMED ROBBERIES, I WAS IN THE CAR.
AND I WASN'T EVEN THE DRIVER.
I WAS JUST IN THE CAR.
SO THEY DID, WE WERE GOING TO COURT
AND THE DAY BEFORE WE WENT TO COURT,
HIS GRANDMOTHER CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO CHURCH.
AND HE SAID I'M GONNA GO TO CHURCH WITH GRANNY.
COME ON AND GO WITH ME.
I SAID I'M NOT GOING TO CHURCH,
THE WALLS WILL CAVE IN,
THE LIGHTNING WILL STRIKE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN GO TO CHURCH?
HOW CAN I GO TO CHURCH?
AND ALL I COULD THINK OF IS HOW MUCH GOD HATED ME,
WHY WOULD I WANT TO EVEN TRY TO GO TO CHURCH,
JUST FOR GOD TO LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH HE HATES ME?
REBECCA: WHY DID YOU THINK GOD HATED YOU?
MICHELLE: I HATED ME.
LOOK AT ALL THAT I HAD DONE.
LOOK AT ALL THE FAILURES IN MY LIFE.
I FELT SO DIRTY.
I FELT SO MISERABLE,
HOW COULD GOD EVER LOVE ME?
AND I HAD NO CLUE.
AND SO HE WENT TO CHURCH.
AND HE GAVE HIS LIFE TO JESUS.
AND HE CAME HOME AND THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
THAT WAS SO DIFFERENT.
HE CAME IN THE HOUSE AND OF COURSE OUR KIDS
WENT TO CHURCH THERE
AND HE WENT WITH GRANNY AND THE KIDS
AND THEY CAME BACK AND THEY WERE ALL BUBBLY
AND JUMPING AND SINGING, WOO, WOO.
AND I'M LIKE, WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, DADDY GOT SAVED.
DADDY GOT SAVED.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT MY KIDS
HAD BEEN HAVING THEIR SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHERS
PRAY FOR US TO GET SAVED.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY WERE GOING TO CHURCH
AND PUTTING A PRAYER REQUEST IN FOR US
TO COME TO KNOW JESUS.
AND SO THEY WERE SO EXCITED.
AND HE WANTED ME TO READ THE BIBLE TO HIM.
HE COULDN'T READ.
AND SO HE WAS LIKE, HERE, HERE, READ THIS TO ME.
READ THIS TO ME.
AND I'M READING IT TO HIM,
ROLLING MY EYES WITH MY ATTITUDE,
LIKE, WHY AM I READING THE BIBLE TO YOU?
AND SOMEONE HAD GIVEN HIM A CHRISTIAN MUSIC TAPE
AND HE WAS LISTENING TO IT
AND LIKE THAT'S REALLY GOOD, I LIKE IT.
AND I'M LIKE, OH, PLEASE.
I COULDN'T SEE WHAT WAS SO DIFFERENT.
HE WAS ASKING HIS GRANDMOTHER
QUESTIONS ABOUT GOD
AND ABOUT THE THINGS OF GOD.
AND I HAD NO IDEA.
WE WERE FACING THE JUDGE THE NEXT DAY
AND WE WENT INTO THE COURT
AND BEFORE THE COURT, BEFORE THEY OPENED UP THE COURT,
A FRIEND OF HIS CAME TO THE COURTHOUSE AND SAID,
HEY, AND TOOK HIM INTO THE BATHROOM AND SAID,
I'VE GOT THIS PLASTIC PATCH.
IT'S A MORPHINE PATCH
AND IF THEY TAKE YOU INTO PRISON TODAY FOR PROCESSING,
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH THE FIRST THREE DAYS.
HE DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT WAS GONNA,
WHAT THAT ENTAILED.
I BELIEVE THAT WHAT HE HAD DONE THE DAY BEFORE,
IN ACCEPTING JESUS AS HIS LORD,
I BELIEVE THAT IT HAD REALLY CHANGED HIM
BUT HE WAS STILL,
HIS MIND WASN'T RENEWED.
HE DIDN'T HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE TO LIVE BY.
AND SO -
REBECCA: HE DID IT INNOCENTLY.
HE DIDN'T THINK HE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
MICHELLE: RIGHT.
AND THEY PUT THAT PATCH ON HIM.
REBECCA: AND THAT WAS TO HELP HIM WITH THE TRANSITION
INTO PRISON BECAUSE HE WAS ON DRUGS.
MICHELLE: YEAH, HE'LL JUST SLEEP.
HE'LL JUST SLEEP FOR A FEW DAYS, YEAH.
AND SO HE SAID -
IT WAS PLASTIC LIKE A MORPHINE PATCH,
I MEAN LIKE A NICOTINE PATCH,
BUT IT WAS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A PIECE OF PAPER.
AND IT WENT ACROSS HIS BACK.
AND HE WAS SO HIGH THAT NIGHT.
I HAD NEVER SEEN -
I'D BEEN DOING DRUGS WITH HIM FOR EIGHT YEARS
AND I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM THAT HIGH.
AND I WAS MAD BECAUSE HE WAS HIGH AND I WASN'T.
AND I'M LIKE, THIS ISN'T FAIR.
HE'S LIKE, TOMORROW, I'LL TAKE YOU TOMORROW.
SO THAT NIGHT, YOU KNOW, WE GO TO SLEEP.
HE'S SLEEPING.
I GET UP IN THE MORNING
AND I'M READY FOR HIM TO TAKE ME.
AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE NOISE,
AND SO I'M UP, I'M DRESSED,
I'M WALKING AROUND.
AND I'M LIKE, OKAY, OUR LITTLE BOY,
WE WERE THERE AT GRANNY'S HOUSE,
OUR LITTLE BOY CAME IN
AND HE'S GOT HIS LITTLE PLAY GUITAR
AND HE'S SITTING ON THE FLOOR PLAYING ROCKY TOP LOUD.
I'M THINKING THAT WILL WAKE HIM UP, COME ON.
I'M VACUUMING THE FLOOR TRYING TO WAKE HIM UP.
AND I TURNED THE VACUUM OFF AND I TURNED
AND LOOKED AT THE BED
AND I REALIZED HE'S NOT EVEN BREATHING.
HE HAD BEEN SNORING,
AND I'D NEVER HEARD HIM SNORE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS SNORING.
REBECCA: YEAH.
MICHELLE: WHEN I REALIZED THAT HE WASN'T BREATHING,
I BEGAN TO SCREAM FOR HIS GRANDMOTHER
TO CALL 911.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO CPR.
AND I STARTED TRYING TO PUSH ON HIM IN THE BED,
BUT THE BED WAS SO SOFT, IT WASN'T HELPING.
SO I WAS GONNA TRY TO PULL HIM OFF THE BED,
BUT HE WAS SWEATY.
HE HAD BEEN SWEATING
SO HE WAS ALL TANGLED UP IN THE BED.
AND I COULDN'T PULL HIM OFF THE BED.
AND THANKFULLY, WE WERE JUST DOWN THE STREET
FROM THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
SO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT WAS THERE QUICKLY.
AND THEY CAME IN AND TOOK HIM OFF THE BED
AND BEGAN TO DO THE CHEST COMPRESSIONS
TO TRY TO BRING HIM BACK.
AND I'M SITTING THERE THINKING,
THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
AND THEY GET HIM IN THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE
THEY PUT ME IN THE FRONT,
WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
AND THEY'RE STILL TRYING TO REVIVE HIM.
WE GET INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM
AND THEY TAKE ME INTO A SEPARATE PLACE
AND THEY FINALLY COME BACK IN AND SAY,
WE DID MANAGE TO GET HIM RESUSCITATED.
AND SO I THOUGHT, OH, GOOD, IT'S OVER.
BUT THEY'VE GOT US IN THIS SPECIAL ROOM
AND THE OTHER FAMILY IS THERE BY NOW
AND I'M THINKING, DOESN'T THAT MEAN IT'S ALL BETTER?
AND THEY BROUGHT A SPECIAL PERSON IN TO TALK TO US.
AND HIS MOTHER BY THEN IS SITTING THERE AND SHE GOES,
SINCE YOU HAVE HIM RESUSCITATED,
ISN'T IT GONNA BE OKAY?
AND THEY BEGAN TO EXPLAIN
THAT MORPHINE HAD ALL RELEASED
THREE DAYS WORTH OF MORPHINE IN 24 HOURS.
AND SO THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT HIS DIAPHRAGM
HAD PARALYZED AND HE WASN'T BREATHING
THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT.
AND HE DIDN'T GET SUFFICIENT OXYGEN.
AND WHAT I THOUGHT WAS SNORING
WAS REALLY AGONAL BREATHING,
WHICH IS THE LAST KIND OF BREATHING BEFORE SOMEONE PASSES.
AND THEY SAID HE'S BEEN WITHOUT OXYGEN FOR SO LONG
THAT HIS BRAIN IS SWELLING.
AND WE BEGAN TO SEE AS WE WOULD SIT
BECAUSE HE WAS IN ICU AND WE WOULD GO IN
AND WE COULD REALIZE, YOU COULD SEE THE BRAIN SWELLING.
MY LIFE THAT WAS ALREADY OUT OF CONTROL
WAS UNRAVELING AROUND ME.
AND I KNOW HE WAS THE MAN WHO PROSTITUTED ME,
BUT HE WAS ALL I KNEW AND I LOVED HIM.
HE WAS THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN.
AND HE HAD BEEN THE ONE WHO TOLD ME WHAT TO DO
EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE
IF HE WASN'T THERE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
I REMEMBER, THEY HAD LEFT ME ALONE IN THE BED,
IN THE ROOM WITH HIM AND I SAID,
WHAT DO I DO?
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
AND I WAS IN THE POSITION OF TRYING TO
MAKE THE DECISION WHAT TO DO,
BECAUSE THE DOCTORS SAID
WE'VE GOT TO TAKE HIM OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT.
HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THESE MACHINES.
AND THE FAMILY, I WAITED FOR THEM TO AGREE,
BUT DURING THIS WHOLE TIME,
IT WAS A NUMBER OF DAYS, LIKE THREE DAYS,
THAT WE HAD HIM ON THE MACHINES.
PEOPLE BEGAN TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL
AND BRING ME DRUGS.
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO CALL ANYBODY AND ASK THEM FOR IT,
THEY JUST SHOWED UP WITH NEEDLES
AND SHOWED UP WITH PILLS
AND SHOWED UP WITH COCAINE.
AND THE PERSON WHO HAD PRAYED WITH HIM AT CHURCH
THE DAY BEFORE OUR COURT APPEARANCE,
CAME UP TO THE HOSPITAL AND WANTED TO PRAY WITH ME.
AND HE TALKED ME INTO GOING DOWN TO THE CHAPEL.
AND I HAD COCAINE IN MY POCKET
AND I HAD A SYRINGE IN MY SHOE
AND ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS I'VE GOT TO HURRY UP
AND DO THESE DRUGS SO I DON'T GET CAUGHT WITH THEM.
AND HE WOULDN'T LET ME HURRY.
HE WOULDN'T LET ME GIVE HIM A YES OR A NO ANSWER.
HE WOULDN'T LET ME JUST, YOU KNOW, SLOUGH HIM OFF
AND SAY, YES, OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING.
HE WOULD NOT -
HE WASN'T TELLING ME THE GOSPEL,
HE WAS MAKING ME RESPOND WITH A QUESTION,
WITH A SENTENCE TO HIS QUESTION.
IT COULDN'T BE YES, I KNOW THAT,
YEAH, OKAY, I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.
BUT HE WOULD MAKE IT LIKE,
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT JESUS CHRIST
DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU?
THAT IF YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE EARTH,
THAT JESUS WOULD STILL GO TO THE CROSS
AND HE WOULD HANG ON THE CROSS
AND HE WOULD PAY THE PRICE
AND HE WOULD PAY THE DEBT FOR YOUR SIN,
WHATEVER SINS YOU'VE COMMITTED,
HE WOULD PAY THOSE SIN DEBTS
SO THAT YOU COULD LIVE WITH HIM.
HE MADE IT SO PERSONAL.
I'D NEVER, EVEN THOUGH I LIVED IN THE BIBLE BELT,
THE BUCKLE OF THE BIBLE BELT OF AMERICA,
I HAD NEVER HEARD THE GOSPEL IN A WAY
THAT I TOOK IT PERSONAL.
AND THERE WAS A LITTLE GLIMMER,
JUST A LITTLE TINY SHRIVEL OF HOPE.
A SHRED.
IF GOD COULD HELP ME,
I NEED HIS HELP.
AND I PRAYED WITH HIM THAT DAY.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS PRAYING
OTHER THAN I'M PRAYING THAT IF GOD COULD HELP ME
I WANT HIS HELP.
AND THAT'S WHAT I OPENED WITH,
THAT'S WHAT I HAD FAITH FOR,
THAT'S WHAT I OPENED MY HEART TO.
I WENT DOWN TO DO THE DRUGS
IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM BATHROOM,
I COULDN'T FEEL A THING.
IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY AFFECT ON ME.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I WAS A NEW CREATURE.
REBECCA: SUPERNATURAL.
MICHELLE: YEAH, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT
SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT GOD HAD JUST BECOME
INVOLVED IN MY SITUATION.
IN THAT LACK OF KNOWLEDGE,
IT WAS EASY FOR THE ENEMY TO PULL ME RIGHT BACK IN.
YOU KNOW, THE FAMILY MADE THE DECISION
TO PULL THE LIFESAVING INSTRUMENTS OFF OF HIM
AND HE PASSED.
I DON'T REMEMBER TELLING MY CHILDREN,
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT IT.
THE FUNERAL WAS JUST A BLUR.
THEY ALMOST THREW ME OUT OF MY OWN HUSBAND'S FUNERAL
BECAUSE I WAS SO OUT OF IT.
IN THAT, I ENDED UP BACK IN A PLACE
OF JUST HOMELESSNESS, DRUGS.
I WENT BACK TO THE ONLY THING I KNEW
AND I WENT BACK TO THE ONLY PEOPLE
WHO I HAD BEEN AROUND.
AND I WAS IN THE BACK OF A BAR
IN EAST NASHVILLE, THE PROJECTS OF EAST NASHVILLE,
AND I WAS DOING DRUGS.
I WAS DOING COCAINE NONSTOP,
AGAIN THREE DAYS, NO FOOD.
JUST BARELY ENOUGH WATER TO KEEP ME ALIVE.
NO SLEEP.
AND I COULDN'T FEEL IT ANYMORE
SO I KEPT PUTTING MORE IN, MORE IN.
I NEED MORE.
AND I PUT THE DRUGS IN THE SYRINGE,
PUT THE SYRINGE IN MY ARM,
BUT THIS TIME I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME
TO PULL THE SYRINGE OUT OF MY ARM
WHEN I DIED.
IT WAS SO DIFFERENT FROM THE OVERDOSE
THAT I HAD HAD BEFORE.
AND I STOOD IN FRONT OF A SKULL.
IN THAT MOMENT, I WAS MORE CLEAR-HEADED
THAN I HAD BEEN.
IT WAS LIKE I COULD THINK
A WHOLE LOT OF THOUGHTS IN ONE MOMENT
AND COME TO A CONCLUSION.
I COULD SEE EVERYTHING AND I REALIZED
HELL IS REAL.
THAT WAS MY FIRST REAL COMPREHENSION.
BEFORE THAT TIME,
I HAD AN IDEA OF WHAT I THOUGHT HELL WOULD BE LIKE.
I THOUGHT I HAD NO OTHER OPTION
THAN TO GO TO HELL.
BUT IN THAT MOMENT,
IT WAS SUCH A REALITY THAT HELL WAS REAL
AND I DON'T WANT TO GO.
THE FEAR OF IT, THE TORMENT,
EVERYTHING, IT WAS LIKE I COMPREHENDED ALL OF IT.
AND IN THAT MOMENT,
THESE HANDS CAME OUT OF THE DARKNESS.
THEY WEREN'T BLACK HANDS.
IT WAS AS IF DARKNESS HAD HANDS
AND BEGAN TO REACH FOR ME.
AND WHEN THEY DID, I TURNED AND RAN BACK TO MY BODY.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN IT.
I KNEW I'VE GOT TO RUN BACK.
AND I RAN BACK INTO MY BODY.
AND THE PERSON WHO WAS DOING CPR THIS TIME ON ME
SAID ONE MINUTE THEY WERE TRYING TO GET A PULSE
AND THE NEXT MINUTE THEY'RE FIGHTING
THIS CRAZED GIRL.
AND WHEN THEY LET ME UP,
I GOT UP AND KEPT RUNNING.
AND I RAN THROUGH THE RAIN IN THE PROJECTS
FOR ABOUT TWO BLOCKS BEFORE I CAME TO MYSELF.
AND REALIZED I WAS BACK IN MY BODY.
THAT'S HOW REAL IT WAS.
REBECCA: AND THAT WAS HOW DESPERATE YOU WERE
TO GET AWAY FROM IT.
MICHELLE: YES, YES.
REBECCA: THAT WHEN YOU CAME TO,
YOU KEPT RUNNING FOR A WHILE.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: IN THE POURING RAIN.
SO THE FIRST TIME YOU OD'D,
YOU DIDN'T REALLY RECALL ANYTHING?
MICHELLE: NOTHING.
REBECCA: BUT THE MOMENT THE NEEDLE WENT INTO YOUR ARM
YOU WERE IMMEDIATELY THERE
AND YOU HAD YOUR FULL PROCESSING CAPACITY.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: AND YOU JUST FELT FEAR AND IT WAS DARK
AND THERE WAS A SKULL.
SO YOU DIDN'T GO IN.
MICHELLE: I DID NOT GO IN.
REBECCA: IT TRIED TO DRAG YOU IN AND YOU RAN BACK.
MICHELLE: I RAN BACK.
YEAH, THE CLARITY IN THAT MOMENT -
REBECCA: DO YOU THINK THAT WAS LIKE THE GRACE OF GOD
EVEN TO JUST LET YOU EXPERIENCE THAT MOMENT
AND TO HAVE THAT CLARITY AND GIVE YOU THE ABILITY
TO RUN BACK,
LIKE YOU WERE ABOUT TO WALK INTO HELL?
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: AND GOD PULLED YOU BACK.
MICHELLE: THAT PRAYER THAT I PRAYED
WITH THAT LITTLE GLIMMER OF HOPE GAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY,
THAT GRACE, THAT SECOND CHANCE
FOR ME TO COME BACK.
AND I DIED ON A SUNDAY MORNING
IN THE BACK OF THAT BAR.
AND THAT NIGHT I WENT BACK TO THAT CHURCH
AND THEY WEREN'T QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO WITH ME.
THEY PRAYED WITH ME
AND SOMEBODY LET THE FAMILY WHO HAD BEEN
AT THE HOSPITAL,
KNOW THAT I HAD COME.
AND THEY BEGAN TO LOOK FOR ME.
AND IT TOOK THEM A COUPLE OF WEEKS TO FIND ME
BECAUSE I STARTED TRYING TO CLEAN MYSELF UP.
I THOUGHT, I CANNOT GO TO HELL.
I CANNOT GO TO HELL.
SO I WENT TO THE THRIFT STORE
AND I FOUND A QUARTER -
I FOUND A BIBLE FOR 25 CENTS.
I STILL HAVE THAT BIBLE.
AND I THOUGHT, OKAY, I'M GONNA GET THIS BIBLE.
AND I BOUGHT THIS BIBLE FOR A QUARTER
AND I WOULD SIT, AND I WENT AND TRIED TO GET
MYSELF OFF DRUGS.
AND I GOT ON A PROGRAM CALLED METHADONE
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP PEOPLE
WHO HAD DILAUDID ADDICTION.
AND SO I'M ON THAT PROGRAM
AND I'M TRYING TO READ MY BIBLE
AND I KEPT FALLING ASLEEP READING THE BIBLE.
AND IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME THAT THEY FOUND ME
AND THEY TOOK ME TO A REVIVAL THAT WAS GOING ON.
AND THAT FIRST NIGHT OF THE REVIVAL,
I SLEPT THROUGH THE FIRST NIGHT.
THEY TOOK ME HOME AND PRAYED OVER ME.
PUT LIKE ANOINTED CLOTHS -
I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
AND THEY TOOK ME BACK AND THEY PRAYED FOR ME AGAIN.
AND THAT NIGHT, THE PREACHER CAME TO ME AND HE SAID,
DO YOU WANT HELP?
HE WOKE ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SERMON.
I WAS ASLEEP.
REBECCA: BECAUSE OF THE METHADONE?
MICHELLE: THE METHADONE.
HE SAID DO YOU WANT HELP?
AND I STOOD UP AND I SAID,
YES, SIR, I DO.
I WANT HELP.
AND HE WENT TO PRAY FOR ME
AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW
I'M WAKING UP ON THE FLOOR.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE POWER OF GOD.
I THOUGHT HE KNOCKED ME DOWN.
AND I WAS ABOUT TO ASK SOMEBODY
AS I'M PULLING MYSELF UP ON THE PEW.
I'M LIKE, DID HE KNOCK ME DOWN?
AND I REALIZED I AM MORE SOBER THAN I HAVE BEEN IN YEARS.
I'M MORE CLEAR-HEADED.
AND HE GOT MY ATTENTION, HE SAID,
I WANT YOU TO LEAD YOU IN THIS PRAYER.
AND HE LED ME IN THE SINNER'S PRAYER
AND I ACCEPTED JESUS.
THAT WAS AUGUST 10TH OF 1992.
AND I'VE BEEN SERVING GOD SINCE THAT TIME.
REBECCA: ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
SO YOU WERE ON METHADONE, YOU WERE ASLEEP,
HE WOKE YOU UP,
YOU FELL OUT UNDER THE POWER OF GOD.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: AND WHEN YOU CAME TO, YOU WERE SOBER.
MICHELLE: I WAS SOBER.
I WAS SOBER AND FLUSHED ALL MY DRUGS.
THAT NIGHT I FLUSHED ALL THE DRUGS IN MY POSSESSION
DOWN THE TOILET AND HAD NO WITHDRAWALS.
THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE LEVEL OF METHADONE
I WAS ON WHO WOULD HAVE
SERIOUS PHYSICAL WITHDRAWALS.
I SUFFERED NO WITHDRAWALS.
IT WAS SUPERNATURAL, THE POWER OF GOD
LIBERATED ME FROM THE DRUG ADDICTION.
AND THEY WERE IN REVIVAL
SO I STARTED GOING TO CHURCH EVERY NIGHT.
REBECCA: OH, I LOVE THAT.
MICHELLE: AND I'M THERE WITH MY 25 CENT BIBLE.
THEY ARE SO EXCITED TO BE -
I WAS LIKE MINNIE PEARL, I'M JUST SO GLAD TO BE HERE.
I'M SO GLAD THAT I'M FREE AND CLEAN.
AND I BEGAN TO ATTEND CHURCH AND HEAR THE WORD
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.
AND ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS THAT REALLY IMPACTED ME
WAS 2 CORINTHIANS 5:17,
BEHOLD, IF ANY MAN BE IN CHRIST,
OLD THINGS ARE PASSED AWAY;
ALL THINGS ARE CREATED NEW.
AND THAT BECAME REAL TO ME.
I AM NOT WHAT I DID.
I AM NOT THE MICHELLE BEFORE CHRIST.
THAT WAS THE B.C. MICHELLE.
THIS IS MICHELLE AFTER THE DEATH,
THE A.D. MICHELLE.
I AM A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST.
AND I BEGAN TO LIVE WITH A FREEDOM
FROM THE SHAME OF MY PAST.
REBECCA: OH, WOW.
WHAT WERE SOME OTHER THINGS THAT GOD SHOWED YOU
THAT HELPED BRING A TRANSFORMATION IN YOU?
MICHELLE: WELL, THE IDENTITY BECAME THAT
FUNDAMENTAL THING.
I CAN LOOK BACK NOW AND I CAN SEE
HOW GOD TOOK SPECIFIC THINGS
AND PUT THEM INTO PLACE IN MY LIFE.
I HAD TO LEARN THAT I AM DEAD TO WHAT I DID
BECAUSE I COULDN'T DO WHAT I'M DOING TODAY
PASTORING, MINISTERING THE GOSPEL,
WRITING BOOKS,
I COULDN'T HELP OTHER PEOPLE
IF I STILL LIVED IN THE IDENTITY.
AND SO I HAD TO MEET THE NEW ME.
AND ONLY THE WORD OF GOD CAN INTRODUCE ME
TO THE NEW ME
BECAUSE I HAVE JUST BEEN BORN BY THE WORD OF GOD.
THAT INCORRUPTIBLE SEED OF GOD'S WORD
HAS NOW BROUGHT ME TO NEW LIFE.
AND SO THE NEW ME IS ONLY ABLE TO BE IDENTIFIED
BY LOOKING INTO THE WORD OF GOD.
AND SO GALATIANS CHAPTER 2 WAS THE FIRST THING.
GOD SAID YOU NEED YOUR DEATH CERTIFICATE.
GALATIANS 2 BECAME MY DEATH CERTIFICATE.
I'VE GOT PROOF I AM CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST
NEVERTHELESS I LIVE, YET IT IS NOT I THAT LIVE,
IT IS CHRIST WHO LIVES IN ME.
SO I HAVE A DEATH CERTIFICATE.
MICHELLE IS DEAD.
THE OLD MICHELLE.
THIS WOMAN IS A DIFFERENT WOMAN.
THIS IS NOT THE PROSTITUTE THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT.
THIS IS NOT THE WOMAN WHO PUT THE NEEDLE IN HER ARMS.
AND THEN FROM THE DEATH CERTIFICATE
I HAD PROOF THAT I WAS BURIED.
ROMANS CHAPTER 6 SAYS WE ARE BURIED TOGETHER
IN BAPTISM WITH CHRIST JESUS.
SO NOT ONLY AM I DEAD,
I CAN PROVE IT,
I'VE GOT THE PLACE I'VE BEEN BURIED.
BUT THEN I'VE GOT A NEW BIRTH CERTIFICATE
BECAUSE I WENT DOWN AND WAS BURIED
IN THAT BAPTISMAL WATER
BUT I CAME UP IN THE RESURRECTION LIFE
OF JESUS CHRIST.
AND SO THAT IS THE NEW ME.
THAT IS THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
AND YOU KNOW IF YOU EVER GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE
AND YOU MOVE, YOU'VE GOT TO GO
CHANGE THE INFORMATION.
AND SO YOU'VE GOT TO GET THAT NEW ADDRESS.
I'M SEATED TOGETHER WITH CHRIST,
EPHESIANS CHAPTER 2.
THOSE ARE THOSE INSTRUMENTAL VERSES
THAT GOD USED IN A WAY
THAT HELPED ME NOT JUST
PICTURE MYSELF DIFFERENT BUT BELIEVE I WAS DIFFERENT.
I COULD BELIEVE THAT I AM NOT THAT SAME PERSON.
AND THEREFORE I COULD WALK IN IT.
THE SECOND THING THAT I THINK WAS
WHAT GOD PUT IN MY HEART NEXT,
IS HOW TO HEAR GOD FROM HIS WORD.
I'D NEVER BEEN IN CHURCH BEFORE.
AND THERE WERE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT
WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS PRAYING AND THE LORD TOLD ME,
AND I'M LIKE, WHAT?
GOD TALKS TO YOU?
YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS SO ODD TO ME.
AND THE MORE I WAS AROUND IT,
THE MORE I WAS LIKE, OKAY, NOW I'M INTERESTED.
Y'ALL GOT MY CURIOSITY.
BECAUSE IF Y'ALL ARE HEARING FROM GOD,
IF ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM NEEDS TO HEAR FROM GOD,
IT'S THIS WOMAN WHO'S TRYING TO PUT HER LIFE
BACK TOGETHER.
SO I WANTED TO KNOW HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD.
AND I WOULD ASK PEOPLE,
HOW DO YOU HEAR FROM GOD?
AND MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH
COULDN'T GIVE ME A GOOD ANSWER.
BUT I WENT TO MY PASTOR'S WIFE
AND SHE SAID TO ME,
MICHELLE, IF YOU WILL LEARN TO HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD,
YOU'LL LEARN TO RECOGNIZE HIS VOICE.
AND THEN WHEN HE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO YOU
OUTSIDE OF HIS WORD,
YOU'LL KNOW IT'S HIM ALREADY.
AND THAT HELPED ME SO MUCH.
AND I BEGAN TO LOOK FOR GOD'S VOICE
SPEAKING TO ME THROUGH HIS WORD.
NOW, THAT FAMILY THAT I HAD COME OUT OF,
THEY WERE A CRAZY FAMILY.
AND THEY GOT MAD ONE NIGHT
AND THEY THOUGHT THAT I HAD -
THIS IS WILD, I KNOW.
THEY CALLED ME AND SAID,
DID YOU COME IN AND BREAK IN OUR HOUSE
AND STEAL HIS REMAINS?
BECAUSE THEY HAD HAD HIM CREMATED.
I'M LIKE, NO, I DIDN'T STEAL -
I'VE BEEN AT CHURCH TONIGHT.
REBECCA: THIS WAS AFTER YOU WERE SAVED?
MICHELLE: AFTER I WAS SAVED.
I'M LEARNING HOW TO HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD.
DID YOU COME IN AND STEAL HIS URN?
WE THINK YOU DID IT.
WE'RE COMING TO SHOOT YOU.
AND I'M LIKE, THEY CARRY, AND THEY'RE GOOD SHOTS.
AND I WAS UPSET.
AND I WAS TELLING THE PEOPLE WHO WERE LETTING ME
STAY AT THEIR HOUSE,
WHILE I'M GETTING MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER.
I SAID, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
AND THEY'RE LIKE, OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE I LIVE.
I'M LIKE, THEY'VE GOT WAYS OF FINDING OUT.
AND SO THEY GO ON TO BED.
I'M SITTING THERE ON THE COUCH,
AND I HAD MADE A LITTLE BED ON THE COUCH
THERE AT NIGHT.
I'M LAYING THERE ON THE COUCH,
I'M LIKE, LORD, WHAT DO I DO?
AND I OPENED UP MY BIBLE
AND IT OPENED TO A VERSE IN ISAIAH THAT SAYS,
EVEN I AM THE LORD WHO COMFORTS YOU.
WHO ARE YOU TO BE AFRAID OF A MAN THAT SHALL DIE?
AND I'M LIKE, OH, THAT'S HOW YOU HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD.
I OPENED IT UP AND IT'S LIKE THAT VERSE
STOOD UP ON THE PAGE
AND MET ME AT THE POINT OF MY NEED.
NOW, I CAN'T SAY THAT I'VE EVER HAD -
I DON'T JUST PLOP OPEN MY BIBLE
AND SAY, YOU KNOW, LET A VERSE POP OUT AT ME.
BUT I KNEW THEN THAT'S GOD SPEAKING TO ME.
AND A PEACE CAME INTO MY HEART
AND I WENT TO SLEEP AND DIDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
AND LEARNING TO HEAR GOD IN HIS WORD
WHEN HE DID NEED TO SPEAK TO ME
ABOUT SOMETHING SPECIFIC,
I ALREADY RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE.
REBECCA: IT WAS CULTIVATING THAT INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM
AND THROUGH THE STUDYING OF HIS WORD
WHICH WE NEED TO BE DOING.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: AND WE NEED TO BE ASKING THE HOLY SPIRIT
TO REVEAL JESUS TO US THROUGH HIS WORD.
IT'S SOMETHING WE HAVE TO DO DAILY.
AND THROUGH TIME, OUR MIND IS RENEWED
AND HE CHANGES OUR PERSPECTIVE.
AND IT TAKES TIME.
LIKE SOME STUFF IS INSTANTANEOUS,
BUT SOME STUFF IT TAKES TIME AND THERE'S LAYERS.
IT'S LIKE BUILDING UPON A FOUNDATION.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: YOU KNOW, IT SAYS YOU BUILD UP THE HOUSE.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE RIGHT FOUNDATION FIRST.
BUT IN TIME, YOU'RE ABLE TO SEE THINGS
FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE AND KNOW HIS VOICE
AND UNDERSTAND HIS WAYS
AS HE CONTINUES TO GUIDE US AND BUILD US.
SO I JUST LOVE ALL THAT.
SO THERE'S ANOTHER COOL STORY
BECAUSE WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME.
YOU ARE AT THIS CHURCH,
AND YOU START BELIEVING FOR A HUSBAND.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: TELL THAT STORY.
MICHELLE: WELL, I KNEW I DID NOT WANT TO END UP
IN THE SITUATION THAT I HAD BEFORE
WITH SOMEONE WHO WASN'T IN THE THINGS OF GOD.
AND SO AS I'M LEARNING THE WORD OF GOD,
I'M LEARNING WHAT I NEED TO LOOK FOR IN A HUSBAND.
AND I MADE A LIST OF WHAT I WANTED IN A HUSBAND.
I WANTED HIM TO BE STRONGER IN THE WORD THAN ME
SO THAT HE COULD LEAD OUR FAMILY.
I WANTED HIM TO BE A WORSHIPER
BECAUSE I WAS THE LOUDEST WORSHIPER IN THAT PLACE.
I WAS GIVING GOD GLORY FOR WHAT HE HAD DONE FOR ME.
SO MY PRAYER REQUEST WAS, OR MY STIPULATION WAS
HE HAS TO WORSHIP GOD LOUDER THAN ME.
AND HE HAD TO LOVE MY CHILDREN AS HIS OWN.
BECAUSE I HAD GOTTEN CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN
RESTORED TO ME.
AND ABOUT A YEAR AFTER I WAS SAVED,
GOD BROUGHT - THE PASTOR'S SON
CAME TO HELP WITH THE CHURCH
THAT HAD STARTED OUT OF THIS REVIVAL.
AND AS HE STARTED COMING TO THE CHURCH,
YOU KNOW, THERE WERE OTHER MEN THAT WERE
INTERESTED IN DATING ME
AND THEY WERE THERE IN THE CHURCH, YOU KNOW,
BUT I WOULD WATCH THEM.
I'M LIKE, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THEIR BIBLE IN THEIR LAP.
IT'S NOT EVEN OPEN.
OR THEY DON'T EVEN LIFT THEIR HANDS IN CHURCH.
THEY DON'T FIT MY CRITERIA.
SO HE STARTED GOING, I'M GOING THROUGH THE CHECKLIST.
YEP, STRONGER IN THE WORD THAN ME.
YEP, WORSHIPER OF GOD.
AND HE WAS, YOU KNOW, REALLY GOOD TO MY CHILDREN.
AND GOD PUT IN MY HEART THAT HE WOULD BE MY HUSBAND,
HE WILL BE YOUR MIRACLE.
AND SO ONE DAY WE GREETED EACH OTHER ON THE STEPS
AND HE SAID, HOW ARE YOU, SISTER MICHELLE?
AND I SAID I'M BLESSED
AND WE'RE SHAKING OUR HANDS.
AND I SAID, DID YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY MIRACLE?
AND HE SAID, REALLY?
I SAID, YES, YOU'RE MY MIRACLE.
AND HE ACTED LIKE HE MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN BEING MY MIRACLE.
AND SO WE NEVER DATED,
BUT AT HOME I WOULD PRAY AND THE LORD WAS PUTTING
FAITH IN MY HEART.
I WAS CALLING MYSELF MRS. MICHELLE STEELE.
I WAS CALLING MYSELF -
I WAS STANDING ON THE WORD, YOU KNOW.
AND THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE WHO WOULD
WANT TO PICK ME UP AND BRING ME AND THE KIDS TO CHURCH
BECAUSE THEY LIVED IN OUR AREA.
AND I'M LIKE, LORD, I'M BELIEVING THAT HE'S GONNA BE,
THAT PHILIP IS GONNA BE MY HUSBAND.
AND HE SAID, THEN WHY WOULD A MARRIED WOMAN
BE RIDING TO CHURCH WITH THAT MAN
THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED TO?
AND I STARTED SAYING, I CAN'T GO TO CHURCH WITH YOU,
AND I GOT A COUPLE FROM THE CHURCH
WHO WERE ALSO IN OUR VICINITY,
THEY CAME AND PICKED ME AND THE KIDS UP FOR CHURCH.
BECAUSE I WAS BELIEVING GOD.
AND SO GOD PUT US TOGETHER
AND WE'VE BEEN SERVING GOD
AND BUILDING HIS KINGDOM EVER SINCE.
REBECCA: FOR HOW MANY YEARS
HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED NOW?
MICHELLE: WE'VE BEEN MARRIED, LET'S SEE,
I JUST CELEBRATED, THIS OCTOBER
WILL BE 31 SAVED,
SO THIS SEPTEMBER IS GONNA BE 30 YEARS
OUR ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.
REBECCA: AND I MEAN, PASTORING TWO DIFFERENT -
ONE CHURCH BUT TWO DIFFERENT LOCATIONS.
ON TV, WRITING BOOKS.
I MEAN, GOD IS REALLY JUST FLOURISHED Y'ALL'S LIVES.
MICHELLE: HE HAS.
REBECCA: THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
WELL, I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU
FOR SHARING YOUR STORY.
BEFORE WE WRAP THIS UP,
THERE'S TWO THINGS I WANT TO SAY.
ONE, WHO IS THE MAN WHO SHARED GOD WITH YOU?
MICHELLE: HIS NAME WAS ZACH REYNOLDS.
REBECCA: SO I JUST WANT TO SAY FOR THE PEOPLE
WHO ARE LISTENING,
I WANT YOU TO BE INSPIRED BY ZACH
AND THAT PERSISTENCE.
AND WHEN YOU FEEL GOD IMPRESSING UPON YOUR HEART
TO MINISTER TO SOMEONE,
TO DO IT AND TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
BECAUSE IF ZACH HADN'T BEEN OBEDIENT,
AND IF HE HADN'T BEEN PERSISTENT,
A LOT OF TIMES WHEN PEOPLE ARE RESISTANT TO US
MINISTERING TO THEM,
WE CAN GET SCARED AND KIND OF TUCK OUR TAILS AND RUN.
MICHELLE: YES.
REBECCA: BUT BECAUSE ZACH STUCK WITH IT AND DID IT,
REGARDLESS OF THE SIGNALS YOU WERE PUTTING OFF,
I SEE WHAT GOD WAS ABLE TO DO IN YOUR LIFE.
AND SO ONE THING I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT IS
FOR THOSE WHO ARE LISTENING,
REMEMBER ZACH AND BE PERSISTENT
AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO SHARE CHRIST WITH PEOPLE.
BECAUSE YOU MIGHT EVEN SEE IT IN THE MOMENT,
BUT WHEN THOSE SEEDS ARE PLANTED IT'S SO IMPORTANT.
AND THEN THE OTHER THING, MICHELLE,
BEFORE WE CLOSE IS,
I JUST WANT YOU TO SHARE AN ENCOURAGING WORD
TO WHOEVER IS LISTENING TODAY.
MICHELLE: YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES
THE LIES THAT THE ENEMY USES MOST EFFECTIVELY
ARE LIES THAT SOUND LIKE OUR OWN VOICE.
THE LIE THAT I BELIEVED WAS I'M NOT WORTHY.
AND THAT I'M DIRTY AND THAT THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH ME.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THE ENEMY.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ME AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MY TRUTH.
AND SO I JUST WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU,
IF YOU'RE LISTENING, IF YOU'RE WATCHING
AND YOU FIND YOURSELF
ALWAYS HEARING THAT VOICE TELLING YOU
HOW UNWORTHY YOU ARE,
HOW MUCH OF A FAILURE YOU ARE,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THAT'S A LIE.
AND THAT THERE'S A TRUTH THAT WILL SET YOU FREE
FROM THE LIE OF THAT DARKNESS.
AND IF YOU WILL EVEN OPEN YOUR LIFE
JUST A LITTLE BIT LIKE I DID,
AND ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS THE LORD AND SAVIOR
OF YOUR LIFE,
HE CAN TAKE THINGS THAT THE ENEMY HAS SPENT YEARS
DEVELOPING TO TRY TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE WITH,
GOD CAN TURN IT AROUND IN AN INSTANT,
IN A MOMENT.
HE CAN TAKE WHAT SEEMS TO BE SO,
SO LOST IN YOUR LIFE,
AND HE CAN RESURRECT IT AND HE CAN RESTORE YOUR LIFE.
AND SO IF THAT'S YOU AND YOU'RE LISTENING TODAY
AND YOU WOULD SAY THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME,
I'VE GONE TOO FAR,
I HAVE RUINED EVERY GOOD THING
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE,
CAN I PRAY FOR YOU RIGHT NOW?
I JUST WANT YOU TO LISTEN
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO AGREE.
VERBALLY AGREE.
FATHER, I PRAY FOR THAT PERSON
WHO HAS BELIEVED THAT LIE.
AND THAT PERSON WHO HAS ACCEPTED AND EMBRACED THAT LIE
FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS
AND HAS BEEN LIVING UNDER THE WEIGHT
OF THE GUILT AND THE SHAME AND THE FEAR
AND THE TORMENT
OF THE CHOICES AND THE DECISIONS THAT THEY HAVE MADE
OR THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO THEM.
I BREAK THE POWER OF THE ENEMY OFF OF THEIR LIFE
IN THE NAME OF JESUS.
AND I COMMAND THAT LIE TO BE BROKEN
IN THE NAME OF JESUS
AND THE LIGHT OF GOD'S TRUTH TO SHINE
INTO THEIR UNDERSTANDING.
I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS
TO COVER THEIR MIND AND TO COVER THEIR HEART
AND TO COVER THEIR FUTURE RIGHT NOW.
IN THE NAME OF JESUS,
I SPEAK TO THIS LIFE TO LIVE
AND TO THRIVE AND TO HOPE AGAIN.
IN JESUS' NAME, LET THE PEACE OF GOD
THAT SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING GUARD THEIR HEART
AND GUARD THEIR MIND.
AND I WANT YOU TO SAY THIS WITH ME RIGHT NOW,
GOD, I BELIEVE JESUS CHRIST
DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME
IN MY PLACE.
YOU RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD
TO GIVE ME HOPE
THAT I CAN COME OUT OF DEATH,
SPIRITUAL DEATH,
EMOTIONAL DEATH,
AND LIVE AGAIN.
I ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST
AS MY LORD, MY SAVIOR.
I ASK YOU TO WASH ME IN YOUR BLOOD
AND HELP ME SEE THE LIGHT
TO LIVE BY.
IN JESUS' NAME.
AMEN.
REBECCA: AMEN.
WELL, THANK YOU, MICHELLE.
AND YOU HEAR THAT GUYS,
YOU RECEIVE THAT WORD TODAY.
WHAT THE ENEMY MEANT FOR EVIL
GOD CAN USE FOR OUR GOOD
AND THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE IN CHRIST,
YOU'RE A NEW CREATION.
IF YOU PRAYED THAT PRAYER,
YOU'RE A NEW CREATION
AND WE JUST THANK YOU FOR THAT, LORD.
MICHELLE STEELE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
SHE HAS A BOOK, ESCAPING HELL.
THIS IS YOUR LIFE STORY.
MICHELLE: IT'S MY LIFE STORY
AND THE FUNDAMENTALS THAT GOD HAS USED
TO HELP ME PUT MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK.
REBECCA: WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT.
FOR ANYONE WHO'S WATCHING,
WHERE CAN THEY GET THE BOOK,
AND HOW CAN THEY FIND YOU,
IF YOU'LL JUST PLUG YOUR WEBSITE?
MICHELLE: THE WEBSITE IS BUILDFAITH.NET.
THE BOOK IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.
IT'S THROUGH HARRISON HOUSE,
SO IT'S AVAILABLE WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD.
THERE'S THE KINDLE VERSION AND THE AUDIO VERSION
THAT I DID WITH MY OWN VOICE-OVER,
SO IT'S AVAILABLE TO HELP IN WHATEVER DIFFERENT FORMAT
PEOPLE LIKE TO RECEIVE IT.
REBECCA: WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, MICHELLE,
FOR BEING HERE,
FOR SHARING YOUR STORY
AND ENCOURAGING THOSE LISTENING TODAY
AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE WHO IS LISTENING,
WHO IS WATCHING.
WE JUST PRAY THAT YOU HAVE A BLESSED DAY.
BYE.